’Atlastmyfriendsaidtome，“Itisnowtimethoushouldestreturntothymotherandthybrother。“SoIarose，anddepartedtomymotherandmybrother；andatmydeparturemyoldfriendgavemehisblessing，andhiswifeandtheyoungpersonshedtears，thelastespecially。Andwhenmymothersawme，sheshedtears，andfellonmyneckandkissedme，andmybrothertookmebythehandandbademewelcome；andwhenourfirstemotionsweresubsided，mymothersaid，“Itrustthouartcomeinaluckyhour。Afewweeksagomycousinwhosefavouritethoualwayswastdiedandlefttheehisheir-lefttheethegoodlyfarminwhichhelived。Itrust，myson，thatthouwiltnowsettle，andbeacomforttomeinmyolddays。“AndIanswered，“Iwill，ifsopleasetheLord“；andIsaidtomyself，“GodgrantthatthisbequestbeatokenoftheLord’sfavour。“
’AndinafewdaysIdepartedtotakepossessionofmyfarm；itwasabouttwentymilesfrommymother’shouse，inabeautifulbutratherwilddistrict；Iarrivedatthefalloftheleaf。AlldaylongIbusiedmyselfwithmyfarm，andthuskeptmymindemployed。
Atnight，however，Ifeltrathersolitary，andIfrequentlywishedforacompanion。EachnightandmorningIprayedferventlyuntotheLord；forHishandhadbeenveryheavyuponme，andIfearedHim。
’Therewasonethingconnectedwithmynewabodewhichgavemeconsiderableuneasiness-thewantofspiritualinstruction。Therewasachurch，indeed，closeathand，inwhichservicewasoccasionallyperformed，butinsohurriedandheartlessamannerthatIderivedlittlebenefitfromit。Theclergymantowhomthebeneficebelongedwasavaletudinarian，whopassedhistimeinLondon，oratsomewatering-place，entrustingthecareofhisflocktothecurateofadistantparish，whogavehimselfverylittletroubleaboutthematter。NowIwantedeverySundaytohearfromthepulpitwordsofconsolationandencouragement，similartothosewhichIhadheardutteredfromthepulpitbymygoodandvenerablefriend，butIwasdebarredfromthisprivilege。Atlength，onedaybeinginconversationwithoneofmylabourers，astaidandseriousman，Ispoketohimofthematterwhichlayheavyuponmymind；
whereupon，lookingmewistfullyintheface，hesaid，“Master，thewantofreligiousinstructioninmychurchwaswhatdrovemetotheMethodists。““TheMethodists，“saidI，“arethereanyintheseparts？““Thereisachapel，“saidhe，“onlyhalfamiledistant，atwhichtherearetwoserviceseverySunday，andothertwoduringtheweek。“NowithappenedthatmyvenerablefriendwasoftheMethodistpersuasion，andwhenIheardthepoormantalkinthismanner，Isaidtohim，“MayIgowithyounextSunday？““Whynot？“
saidhe；soIwentwiththelabourerontheensuingSabbathtothemeetingoftheMethodists。
’IlikedthepreachingwhichIheardatthechapelverywell，thoughitwasnotquitesocomfortableasthatofmyoldfriend，thepreacherbeinginsomerespectsadifferentkindofman。It，however，didmegood，andIwentagain，andcontinuedtodoso，thoughIdidnotbecomearegularmemberofthebodyatthattime。
’Ihadnowthebenefitofreligiousinstruction，andalsotoacertainextentofreligiousfellowship，forthepreacherandvariousmembersofhisflockfrequentlycametoseeme。Theywerehonestplainmen，notexactlyofthedescriptionwhichIwishedfor，butstillgoodsortofpeople，andIwasgladtoseethem。
Onceonatime，whensomeofthemwerewithme，oneoftheminquiredwhetherIwasferventinprayer。“Veryfervent，“saidI。
“AnddoyoureadtheScripturesoften？“saidhe。“No，“saidI。
“Whynot？“saidhe。“BecauseIamafraidtoseetheremyowncondemnation。“Theylookedateachother，andsaidnothingatthetime。Onleavingme，however，theyalladvisedmetoreadtheScriptureswithfervencyandprayer。
’AsIhadtoldthesehonestpeople，IshrankfromsearchingtheScriptures；theremembranceofthefatalpassagewasstilltoovividinmymindtopermitme。Ididnotwishtoseemycondemnationrepeated，butIwasveryferventinprayer，andalmosthopedthatGodwouldyetforgivemebyvirtueoftheblood-sheddingoftheLamb。Timepassedon，myaffairsprospered，andIenjoyedacertainportionoftranquillity。Occasionally，whenIhadnothingelsetodo，Irenewedmystudies。ManyisthebookIread，especiallyinmynativelanguage，forIwasalwaysfondofmynativelanguage，andproudofbeingaWelshman。AmongstthebooksIreadweretheodesofthegreatAbGwilym，whomthou，friend，hastneverheardof；no，noranyofthycountrymen，foryouareanignorantrace，youSaxons，atleastwithrespecttoallthatrelatestoWalesandWelshmen。IlikewisereadthebookofMasterEllisWyn。Thelatterworkpossessedasingularfascinationforme，onaccountofitswonderfuldelineationsofthetormentsofthenetherworld。
’Butmandoesnotlovetobealone；indeed，theScripturesaysthatitisnotgoodformantobealone。Ioccupiedmybodywiththepursuitsofhusbandry，andIimprovedmymindwiththeperusalofgoodandwisebooks；but，asIhavealreadysaid，IfrequentlysighedforacompanionwithwhomIcouldexchangeideas，andwhocouldtakeaninterestinmypursuits；thewantofsuchaoneI
moreparticularlyfeltinthelongwinterevenings。ItwasthenthattheimageoftheyoungpersonwhomIhadseeninthehouseofthepreacherfrequentlyroseupdistinctlybeforemymind’seye，deckedwithquietgraces-hangnotdownyourhead，Winifred-andIthoughtthatofallthewomenintheworldIshouldwishhertobemypartner，andthenIconsideredwhetheritwouldbepossibletoobtainher。Iamreadytoacknowledge，friend，thatitwasbothselfishandwickedinmetowishtofetteranyhumanbeingtoalostcreaturelikemyself，consciousofhavingcommittedacrimeforwhichtheScripturestoldmethereisnopardon。Ihad，indeed，alongstruggleastowhetherIshouldmaketheattemptornot-selfishnesshoweverprevailed。Iwillnotdetainyourattentionwithrelatingallthatoccurredatthisperiod-sufficeittosaythatImademysuitandwassuccessful；itistruethattheoldman，whowasherguardian，hesitated，andaskedseveralquestionsrespectingmystateofmind。IamafraidthatIpartlydeceivedhim，perhapshepartlydeceivedhimself；hewaspleasedthatIhadadoptedhisprofession-weareallweakcreatures。
Withrespecttotheyoungperson，shedidnotaskmanyquestions；
andIsoonfoundthatIhadwonherheart。Tobebrief，Imarriedher；andheresheis，thetruestwifethatevermanhad，andthekindest。KindImaywellcallher，seeingthatsheshrinksnotfromme，whosocruellydeceivedher，innottellingheratfirstwhatIwas。Imarriedher，friend；andbroughtherhometomylittlepossession，wherewepassedourtimeveryagreeably。Ouraffairsprospered，ourgarnerswerefull，andtherewascoininourpurse。Iworkedinthefield；Winifredbusiedherselfwiththedairy。AtnightIfrequentlyreadbookstoher，booksofmyowncountry，friend；Ilikewisereadtohersongsofmyown，holysongsandcarolswhichsheadmired，andwhichyourselfwouldperhapsadmire，couldyouunderstandthem；butIrepeat，youSaxonsareanignorantpeoplewithrespecttous，andaperverse，inasmuchasyoudespiseWelshwithoutunderstandingit。EverynightIprayedfervently，andmywifeadmiredmygiftofprayer。
’Onenight，afterIhadbeenreadingtomywifeaportionofEllisWyn，mywifesaid，“Thisisawonderfulbook，andcontainingmuchtrueandpleasantdoctrine；buthowisitthatyou，whoaresofondofgoodbooks，andgoodthingsingeneral，neverreadtheBible？
YoureadmethebookofMasterEllisWyn，youreadmesweetsongsofyourowncomposition，youedifymewithyourgiftofprayer，butyetyouneverreadtheBible。“AndwhenIheardhermentiontheBibleIshook，forIthoughtofmyowncondemnation。However，I
dearlylovedmywife，andasshepressedme，IcommencedonthatverynightreadingtheBible。Allwentonsmoothlyforalongtime；formonthsandmonthsIdidnotfindthefatalpassage，sothatIalmostthoughtthatIhadimaginedit。Myaffairsprosperedmuchthewhile，sothatIwasalmosthappy，-takingpleasureineverythingaroundme，-inmywife，inmyfarm，mybooksandcompositions，andtheWelshlanguage；tillonenight，asIwasreadingtheBible，feelingparticularlycomfortable，athoughthavingjustcomeintomyheadthatIwouldprintsomeofmycompositions，andpurchaseaparticularfieldofaneighbour-O
God-God!Icametothefatalpassage。
’Friend，friend，whatshallIsay？Irushedout。Mywifefollowedme，askingmewhatwasthematter。Icouldonlyanswerwithgroans-forthreedaysandthreenightsIdidlittleelsethangroan。Ohthekindnessandsolicitudeofmywife!“Whatisthematterhusband，dearhusband？“shewascontinuallysaying。Ibecameatlastmorecalm。Mywifestillpersistedinaskingmethecauseofmylateparoxysm。Itishardtokeepasecretfromawife，especiallysuchawifeasmine，soItoldmywifethetale，aswesatonenight-itwasamid-winternight-overthedyingbrandsofourhearth，afterthefamilyhadretiredtorest，herhandlockedinmine，evenasitisnow。
’Ithoughtshewouldhaveshrunkfrommewithhorror；butshedidnot；herhand，itistrue，trembledonceortwice；butthatwasall。Atlastshegavemineagentlepressure；and，lookingupinmyface，shesaid-whatdoyouthinkmywifesaid，youngman？’
’Itisimpossibleformetoguess，’saidI。
“Letusgotorest，mylove；yourfearsareallgroundless。“’
CHAPTERLXXVII
Gettinglate-Sevenyearsold-Chastening-Goforth-LondonBridge-Sameeyes-Commonoccurrence-Verysleepy。
’ANDsoIstillsay，’saidWinifred，sobbing。’Letusretiretorest，dearhusband；yourfearsaregroundless。Ihadhopedlongsincethatyourafflictionwouldhavepassedaway，andIstillhopethatiteventuallywill；sotakeheart，Peter，andletusretiretorest，foritisgettinglate。’
’Rest!’saidPeter；’thereisnorestforthewicked!’
’Weareallwicked，’saidWinifred；’butyouareafraidofashadow。HowoftenhaveItoldyouthatthesinofyourheartisnotthesinagainsttheHolyGhost：thesinofyourheartisitsnaturalpride，ofwhichyouarescarcelyaware，tokeepdownwhichGodinHismercypermittedyoutobeterrifiedwiththeideaofhavingcommittedasinwhichyounevercommitted。’
’Thenyouwillstillmaintain，’saidPeter，’thatInevercommittedthesinagainsttheHolySpirit？’
’Iwill，’saidWinifred；’younevercommittedit。Howshouldachildsevenyearsoldcommitasinlikethat？’
’HaveInotreadmyowncondemnation？’saidPeter。’DidnotthefirstwordswhichIreadintheHolyScripturecondemnme？“HewhocommitteththesinagainsttheHolyGhostshallneverenterintothekingdomofGod。“’
’Younevercommittedit，’saidWinifred。
’Butthewords!thewords!thewords!’saidPeter。
’Thewordsaretruewords，’saidWinifred，sobbing；’buttheywerenotmeantforyou，butforthosewhohavebrokentheirprofession，who，havingembracedthecross，haverecededfromtheirMaster。’
’Andwhatsaystthoutotheeffectwhichthewordsproduceduponme？’saidPeter。’DidtheynotcausemetorunwildthroughWalesforyears，likeMerddinWylltofyore；thinkestthouthatIopenedthebookatthatparticularpassagebychance？’
’No，’saidWinifred，’notbychance；itwasthehandofGoddirectedyou，doubtlessforsomewisepurpose。Youhadbecomesatisfiedwithyourself。TheLordwishedtorousetheefromthystateofcarnalsecurity，andthereforedirectedyoureyestothatfearfulpassage。’
’DoestheLordthencarryoutHisdesignsbymeansofguile？’saidPeterwithagroan。’IsnottheLordtrue？WouldtheLordimpressuponmethatIhadcommittedasinofwhichIamguiltless？Hush，Winifred!hush!thouknowestthatIhavecommittedthesin。’
’Thouhastnotcommittedit，’saidWinifred，sobbingyetmoreviolently。’Weretheymylastwords，Iwouldpersistthatthouhastnotcommittedit，though，perhaps，thouwouldst，butforthischastening；itwasnottoconvincetheethatthouhastcommittedthesin，butrathertopreventtheefromcommittingit，thattheLordbroughtthatpassagebeforethyeyes。Heisnottoblame，ifthouartwilfullyblindtothetruthandwisdomofHisways。’
’Iseethouwouldstcomfortme，’saidPeter，’asthouhastoftenbeforeattemptedtodo。Iwouldfainasktheyoungmanhisopinion。’
’Ihavenotyetheardthewholeofyourhistory，’saidI。