say？-whynot？-agaming-house，whereIsawpeopleplaying，andwhereIsawFrancisArdryplayandlosefiveguineas，andwhereI
lostnothing，becauseIdidnotplay，thoughIfeltsomewhatinclined；foramanwithawhitehatandasparklingeyeheldupaboxwhichcontainedsomethingwhichrattled，andaskedmetoflingthebones。’Thereisnothinglikeflingingthebones!’saidhe，andthenIthoughtIshouldliketoknowwhatkindofthingflingingtheboneswas；I，however，restrainedmyself。’Thereisnothinglikeflingingthebones!’shoutedtheman，asmyfriendandmyselflefttheroom。
LonglifeandprosperitytoFrancisArdry!butforhimIshouldnothaveobtainedknowledgewhichIdidofthestrangeandeccentricplacesofLondon。Someoftheplacestowhichhetookmewereverystrangeplacesindeed；but，howeverstrangetheplaceswere，I
observedthattheinhabitantsthoughttherewerenoplacesliketheirseveralplaces，andnooccupationsliketheirseveraloccupations；andamongotherstrangeplacestowhichFrancisArdryconductedmewasaplacenotfarfromtheabbeychurchofWestminster。
Beforeweenteredthisplaceourearsweregreetedbyaconfusedhubbubofhumanvoices，squealingofrats，barkingofdogs，andthecriesofvariousotheranimals。Herewebeheldakindofcock-pit，aroundwhichagreatmanypeople，seemingofallranks，butchieflyofthelower，weregathered，andinitwesawadogdestroyagreatmanyratsinaverysmallperiod；andwhenthedoghaddestroyedtherats，wesawafightbetweenadogandabear，thenafightbetweentwodogs，then……
Afterthediversionsofthedaywereover，myfriendintroducedmetothegeniusoftheplace，asmallmanofaboutfivefeethigh，withaverysharpcountenance，anddressedinabrownjockeycoatandtopboots。’Joey，’saidhe，’thisisafriendofmine。’Joeynoddedtomewithapatronisingair。’Gladtoseeyou，sir!-wantadog？’
’No，’saidI。
’Youhavegotone，then-wanttomatchhim？’
’Wehaveadogathome，’saidI，’inthecountry；butIcan’tsayI
shouldliketomatchhim。Indeed，Idonotlikedog-fighting。’
’Notlikedog-fighting!’saidtheman，staring。
’Thetruthis，Joe，thatheisjustcometotown。’
’SoIshouldthink；helooksrathergreen-notlikedog-fighting!’
’Nothinglikeit，isthere，Joey？’
’Ishouldthinknot；whatislikeit？Atimewillcome，andthatspeedily，whenfolkswillgiveupeverythingelse，andfollowdog-
fighting。’
’Doyouthinkso？’saidI。
’Thinkso？Letmeaskwhatthereisthatamanwouldn’tgiveupforit？’
’Why，’saidI，modestly，’there’sreligion。’
’Religion!Howyoutalk。Why，there’smyselfbredandbornanIndependent，andintendedtobeapreacher，didn’tIgiveupreligionfordog-fighting？Religion，indeed!Ifitwerenotfortherascallylaw，mypitwouldfillbetteronSundaysthananyothertime。Whowouldgotochurchwhentheycouldcometomypit？
Religion!why，theparsonsthemselvescometomypit；andIhavenowaletterinmypocketfromoneofthem，askingmetosendhimadog。’
’Well，then，politics，’saidI。
’Politics!Why，thegemmenintheHousewouldleavePitthimself，ifhewerealive，tocometomypit。Therewerethreeofthebestofthemhereto-night，allgreathorators-Getonwithyou，whatcomesnext？’
’Why，there’slearningandletters。’
’Prettythings，truly，tokeeppeoplefromdog-fighting。Why，there’stheyounggentlemenfromtheAbbeySchoolcomeshereinshoals，leavingbooks，andletters，andmasterstoo。Totellyouthetruth，Iratherwishtheywouldmindtheirletters，foramoreprecioussetofyoungblackguardsIneverseed。ItwasonlytheotherdayIwasthinkingofcallinginaconstableformyownprotection，forIthoughtmypitwouldhavebeentorndownbythem。’
Scarcelyknowingwhattosay，Imadeanobservationatrandom。
’Youshow，byyourownconduct，’saidI，’thatthereareotherthingsworthfollowingbesidesdog-fighting。Youpractiserat-
catchingandbadger-baitingaswell。’
Thedog-fanciereyedmewithsupremecontempt。
’Yourfriendhere，’saidhe，’mightwellcallyouanewone。WhenItalksofdog-fighting，Iofcoursemeansrat-catching，andbadger-baiting，ay，andbull-baitingtoo，justaswhenIspeaksreligiously，whenIsaysoneImeansnotonebutthree。AndtalkingofreligionputsmeinmindthatIhavesomethingelsetodobesideschaffinghere，havingabatchofdogstosendoffbythisnight’spackettothePopeofRome。’
ButatlastIhadseenenoughofwhatLondonhadtoshow，whetherstrangeorcommonplace，soatleastIthought，andIceasedtoaccompanymyfriendinhisramblesabouttown，andtopartakeofhisadventures。Ourfriendship，however，stillcontinuedunabated，thoughIsaw，inconsequence，lessofhim。Ireflectedthattimewaspassingon-thatthelittlemoneyIhadbroughttotownwasfastconsuming，andthatIhadnothingtodependuponbutmyownexertionsforafreshsupply；andIreturnedwithredoubledapplicationtomypursuits。
CHAPTERXXXVI
Occupations-Traduttoretraditore-OdetotheMist-Appleandpear-Reviewing-Currentliterature-Oxford-likemanner-A
plainstory-Ill-regulatedmind-Unsnuffedcandle-Strangedreams。
ICOMPILEDtheChroniclesofNewgate；IreviewedbooksfortheReviewestablishedonanentirelynewprinciple；andIoccasionallytriedmybesttotranslateintoGermanportionsofthepublisher’sphilosophy。InthislasttaskIexperiencedmorethanonedifficulty。IwasatolerableGermanscholar，itistrue，andI
hadlongbeenabletotranslatefromGermanintoEnglishwithconsiderablefacility；buttotranslatefromaforeignlanguageintoyourownisawidelydifferentthingfromtranslatingfromyourownintoaforeignlanguage；and，inmyfirstattempttorenderthepublisherintoGerman，Iwasconsciousofmakingmiserablefailures，frompureignoranceofGermangrammar；however，bytheassistanceofgrammarsanddictionaries，andbyextremeperseverance，IatlengthovercameallthedifficultiesconnectedwiththeGermanlanguage。But，alas!anotherdifficultyremained，fargreaterthananyconnectedwithGerman-adifficultyconnectedwiththelanguageofthepublisher-thelanguagewhichthegreatmanemployedinhiswritingswasveryhardtounderstand；Isayinhiswritings-forhiscolloquialEnglishwasplainenough。Thoughnotprofessingtobeascholar，hewasmuchaddicted，whenwriting，totheuseofGreekandLatinterms，notasotherpeopleusedthem，butinamannerofhisown，whichsettheauthorityofdictionariesatdefiance；theconsequencewasthatIwassometimesutterlyatalosstounderstandthemeaningofthepublisher。ManyaquarterofanhourdidIpassatthisperiod，staringatperiodsofthepublisher，andwonderingwhathecouldmean，butinvain，tillatlast，withashakeofthehead，Iwouldsnatchupthepen，andrenderthepublisherliterallyintoGerman。SometimesIwasalmosttemptedtosubstitutesomethingofmyownforwhatthepublisherhadwritten，butmyconscienceinterposed；theawfulwords，Traduttoretraditore，commencedringinginmyears，andIaskedmyselfwhetherIshouldbeactinghonourablytowardsthepublisher，whohadcommittedtomethedelicatetaskoftranslatinghimintoGerman；shouldIbeactinghonourablytowardshim，inmakinghimspeakinGermaninamannerdifferentfromthatinwhichheexpressedhimselfinEnglish？No，Icouldnotreconcilesuchconductwithanyprincipleofhonour；bysubstitutingsomethingofmyowninlieuofthesemysteriouspassagesofthepublisher，I
mightbegivingafatalblowtohiswholesystemofphilosophy。
Besides，whentranslatingintoEnglish，hadItreatedforeignauthorsinthismanner？HadItreatedtheminstrelsoftheKaempeViserinthismanner？-No。HadItreatedAbGwilyminthismanner？EvenwhentranslatinghisOdetotheMist，inwhichheismistyenough，hadIattemptedtomakeAbGwilymlessmisty？No；onreferringtomytranslation，IfoundthatAbGwilyminmyhandswasquiteasmistyasinhisown。Then，seeingthatIhadnotventuredtotakelibertieswithpeoplewhohadneverputthemselvesintomyhandsforthepurposeofbeingrendered，howcouldIventuretosubstitutemyownthoughtsandideasforthepublisher’s，whohadputhimselfintomyhandsforthatpurpose？Forbiditeveryproperfeeling!-soItoldtheGermans，inthepublisher’sownway，thepublisher’staleofanappleandapear。
Iatfirstfeltmuchinclinedtobeofthepublisher’sopinionwithrespecttothetheoryofthepear。Afterall，whyshouldtheearthbeshapedlikeanapple，andnotlikeapear？-itwouldcertainlygaininappearancebybeingshapedlikeapear。Apearbeingahandsomerfruitthananapple，thepublisherisprobablyright，thoughtI，andIwillsaythatheisrightonthispointinthenoticewhichIamabouttowriteofhispublicationfortheReview。
AndyetIdon’tknow-saidI，afteralongfitofmusing-Idon’tknowbutwhatthereismoretobesaidfortheOxfordtheory。Theworldmaybeshapedlikeapear，butIdon’tknowthatitis；butonethingIknow，whichis，thatitdoesnottastelikeapear；I
havealwayslikedpears，butIdon’tliketheworld。Theworldtometastesmuchmorelikeanapple，andIhaveneverlikedapples。
IwillupholdtheOxfordtheory-besides，IamwritinginanOxfordReview，andamindutyboundtoupholdtheOxfordtheory。
SoinmynoticeIassertedthattheworldwasround；IquotedScripture，andendeavouredtoprovethattheworldwastypifiedbytheappleinScripture，bothastoshapeandproperties。’Anappleisround，’saidI，’andtheworldisround-theappleisasour，disagreeablefruit；andwhohastastedmuchoftheworldwithouthavinghisteethsetonedge？’I，however，treatedthepublisher，uponthewhole，inthemosturbaneandOxford-likemanner；