SOthegypsiesdeparted；Mrs。HernetoYorkshire，andtheresttoLondon：asformyself，Icontinuedinthehouseofmyparents，passingmytimeinmuchthesamemannerasIhavealreadydescribed，principallyinphilologicalpursuits；butIwasnowsixteen，anditwashighlynecessarythatIshouldadoptsomeprofession，unlessIintendedtofritterawaymyexistence，andtobeauselessburdentothosewhohadgivenmebirth；butwhatprofessionwasItochoose？therebeingnoneinthewideworldperhapsforwhichIwassuited；norwasthereanyoneforwhichI
feltanydecidedinclination，thoughperhapsthereexistedwithinmealurkingpenchantfortheprofessionofarms，whichwasnaturalenough，as，frommyearliestinfancy，Ihadbeenaccustomedtomilitarysightsandsounds；butthisprofessionwasthenclosed，asIhavealreadyhinted，and，asIbelieve，ithassincecontinued，tothosewho，likemyself，hadnobetterclaimstourgethantheservicesofafather。
Myfather，who，forcertainreasonsofhisown，hadnoveryhighopinionoftheadvantagesresultingfromthiscareer，wouldhavegladlyseenmeentertheChurch。Hisdesirewas，however，considerablyabatedbyoneortwopassagesofmylife，whichoccurredtohisrecollection。Heparticularlydweltontheunheard-ofmannerinwhichIhadpickeduptheIrishlanguage，anddrewfromthencetheconclusionthatIwasnotfittedbynaturetocutarespectablefigureatanEnglishuniversity。’Hewillflyoffinatangent，’saidhe，’and，whencalledupontoexhibithisskillinGreek，willbefoundproficientinIrish；Ihaveobservedthepoorladattentively，andreallydonotknowwhattomakeofhim；butIamafraidhewillnevermakeachurchman!’AndIhavenodoubtthatmyexcellentfatherwasright，bothinhispremissesandtheconclusionatwhichhearrived。Ihadundoubtedly，atoneperiodofmylife，forsakenGreekforIrish，andtheinstructionsofalearnedProtestantdivineforthoseofaPapistgossoon，thecard-fancyingMurtagh；andoflate，thoughIkeptitastrictsecret，IhadabandonedinagreatmeasurethestudyofthebeautifulItalian，andtherecitationofthesonorousterzetsoftheDivineComedy，inwhichatonetimeItookthegreatestdelight，inordertobecomeacquaintedwiththebrokenspeech，andyetmorebrokensongs，ofcertainhouselesswandererswhomIhadmetatahorsefair。Suchanerraticcoursewascertainlybynomeansinconsonancewiththesoberandunvaryingroutineofcollegestudy。Andmyfather，whowasamanofexcellentcommonsense，displayeditinnotpressingmetoadoptaprofessionwhichrequiredqualitiesofmindwhichhesawIdidnotpossess。
Otherprofessionsweretalkedof，amongstwhichthelaw；butnowaneventoccurredwhichhadnearlystoppedmycareer，andmergedallminorpointsofsolicitudeinanxietyformylife。Mystrengthandappetitesuddenlydesertedme，andIbegantopineanddroop。SomesaidthatIhadovergrownmyself，andthatthesewerethesymptomsofarapiddecline；Igrewworseandworse，andwassoonstretcheduponmybed，fromwhichitseemedscarcelyprobablethatIshouldevermorerise，thephysiciansthemselvesgivingbutslighthopesofmyrecovery：asformyself，Imadeupmymindtodie，andfeltquiteresigned。Iwassadlyignorantatthattime，and，whenI
thoughtofdeath，itappearedtomelittleelsethanapleasantsleep，andIwishedforsleep，ofwhichIgotbutlittle。ItwaswellthatIdidnotdiethattime，forIrepeatthatIwassadlyignorantofmanyimportantthings。Ididnotdie，forsomebodycominggavemeastrange，bitterdraught；adecoction，Ibelieve，ofabitterrootwhichgrowsoncommonsanddesolateplaces：andthepersonwhogaveitmewasanancientfemale，akindofdoctress，whohadbeenmynurseinmyinfancy，andwho，hearingofmystate，hadcometoseeme；soIdrankthedraught，andbecamealittlebetter，andIcontinuedtakingdraughtsmadefromthebitterroottillImanifestedsymptomsofconvalescence。
Buthowmuchmorequicklydoesstrengthdesertthehumanframethanreturntoit!Ihadbecomeconvalescent，itistrue，butmystateoffeeblenesswastrulypitiable。Ibelieveitisinthatstatethatthemostremarkablefeatureofhumanphysiologyfrequentlyexhibitsitself。Oh，howdareImentionthedarkfeelingofmysteriousdreadwhichcomesoverthemind，andwhichthelampofreason，thoughburningbrightthewhile，isunabletodispel!Artthou，asleechessay，theconcomitantofdisease-theresultofshatterednerves？Nay，rathertheprincipleofwoeitself，thefountain-headofallsorrowcoexistentwithman，whoseinfluencehefeelswhenyetunborn，andwhoseworkingshetestifieswithhisearliestcries，when，’drownedintears，’hefirstbeholdsthelight；for，asthesparksflyupward，soismanborntotrouble，andwoedothhebringwithhimintotheworld，eventhyself，darkone，terribleone，causeless，unbegotten，withoutafather。Oh，howunfrequentlydostthoubreakdownthebarrierswhichdividetheefromthepoorsoulofman，andovercastitssunshinewiththygloomyshadow。Inthebrightestdaysofprosperity-inthemidstofhealthandwealth-howsentientisthepoorhumancreatureofthyneighbourhood!howinstinctivelyawarethattheflood-gatesofhorrormaybecastopen，andthedarkstreamengulfhimforeverandever!Thenisitnotlawfulformantoexclaim，’BetterthatI
hadneverbeenborn!’Fool，forthyselfthouwastnotborn，buttofulfiltheinscrutabledecreesofthyCreator；andhowdostthouknowthatthisdarkprincipleisnot，afterall，thybestfriend；
thatitisnotthatwhichtempersthewholemassofthycorruption？
Itmaybe，forwhatthouknowest，themotherofwisdom，andofgreatworks：itisthedreadofthehorrorofthenightthatmakesthepilgrimhastenonhisway。Whenthoufeelestitnigh，letthysafetywordbe’Onward’；ifthoutarry，thouartoverwhelmed。
Courage!buildgreatworks-’tisurgingthee-itisevernearestthefavouritesofGod-thefoolknowslittleofit。Thouwouldstbejoyous，wouldstthou？thenbeafool。Whatgreatworkwasevertheresultofjoy，thepunyone？Whohavebeenthewiseones，themightyones，theconqueringonesofthisearth？thejoyous？I
believenot。Thefoolishappy，orcomparativelyso-certainlytheleastsorrowful，butheisstillafool：andwhosenotesaresweetest，thoseofthenightingale，orofthesillylark？
’Whatailsyou，mychild？’saidamothertoherson，ashelayonacouchundertheinfluenceofthedreadfulone；’whatailsyou？youseemafraid!’
BOY。AndsoIam；adreadfulfearisuponme。
MOTHER。Butofwhat？Thereisnoonecanharmyou；ofwhatareyouapprehensive？
BOY。OfnothingthatIcanexpress；IknownotwhatIamafraidof，butafraidIam。
MOTHER。Perhapsyouseesightsandvisions；Iknewaladyoncewhowascontinuallythinkingthatshesawanarmedmanthreatenher，butitwasonlyanimagination，aphantomofthebrain。
BOY。Noarmedmanthreatensme；and’tisnotathinglikethatwouldcausemeanyfear。Didanarmedmanthreatenme，Iwouldgetupandfighthim；weakasIam，Iwouldwishfornothingbetter，forthen，perhaps，Ishouldlosethisfear；mineisadreadofI
knownotwhat，andtherethehorrorlies。
MOTHER。Yourforeheadiscool，andyourspeechcollected。Doyouknowwhereyouare？
BOY。IknowwhereIam，andIseethingsjustastheyare；youarebesideme，anduponthetablethereisabookwhichwaswrittenbyaFlorentine；allthisIsee，andthatthereisnogroundforbeingafraid。Iam，moreover，quitecool，andfeelnopain-but，but-
Andthentherewasaburstof’gemiti，sospiriedaltiguai。’
Alas，alas，poorchildofclay!asthesparksflyupward，sowastthouborntosorrow-Onward!
CHAPTERXIX
Agreeabledelusions-Youth-Aprofession-AbGwilym-GloriousEnglishlaw-Theretheypass-Mydearoldmaster-Thedealdesk-Languageofthetents-WhereisMorfydd？-Goto-onlyonce。
IThasbeensaidbythisorthatwriter，Iscarcelyknowbywhom，that，inproportionaswegrowold，andourtimebecomesshort，theswifterdoesitpass，untilatlast，asweapproachthebordersofthegrave，itassumesallthespeedandimpetuosityofariverabouttoprecipitateitselfintoanabyss；thisisdoubtlessthecase，providedwecancarrytothegravethosepleasantthoughtsanddelusions，whichalonerenderlifeagreeable，andtowhicheventotheverylastwewouldgladlycling；butwhatbecomesoftheswiftnessoftime，whenthemindseesthevanityofhumanpursuits？
whichissuretobethecasewhenitsfondest，dearesthopeshavebeenblightedattheverymomentwhentheharvestwasdeemedsecure。Whatbecomesfromthatmoment，Irepeat，oftheshortnessoftime？Iputnotthequestiontothosewhohaveneverknownthattrial，theyaresatisfiedwiththemselvesandallaroundthem，withwhattheyhavedone，andyethopetodo；somecarrytheirdelusionswiththemtothebordersofthegrave，ay，totheverymomentwhentheyfallintoit；abeautifulgoldencloudsurroundsthemtothelast，andsuchtalkoftheshortnessoftime：throughthemediumofthatcloudtheworldhaseverbeenapleasantworldtothem；