`ButIammarriedalready，’shesaid。`Ican’tleaveClifford，youknow。’
`Whynot？butwhynot？’hecried。`He’llhardlyknowyou’vegone，aftersixmonths。Hedoesn’tknowthatanybodyexists，excepthimself。Whythemanhasnouseforyouatall，asfarasIcansee；he’sentirelywrappedupinhimself。’
Conniefelttherewastruthinthis。ButshealsofeltthatMickwashardlymakingadisplayofselflessness。
`Aren’tallmenwrappedupinthemselves？’sheasked。
`Oh，moreorless，Iallow。Aman’sgottobe，togetthrough。Butthat’snotthepoint。Thepointis，whatsortofatimecanamangiveawoman？
Canhegiveheradamngoodtime，orcan’the？Ifhecan’the’snorighttothewoman……’Hepausedandgazedatherwithhisfull，hazeleyes，almosthypnotic。`NowIconsider，’headded，`Icangiveawomanthedarndestgoodtimeshecanaskfor。IthinkIcanguaranteemyself。’
`Andwhatsortofagoodtime？’askedConnie，gazingonhimstillwithasortofamazement，thatlookedlikethrill；andunderneathfeelingnothingatall。
`Everysortofagoodtime，damnit，everysort!Dress，jewelsuptoapoint，anynightclubyoulike，knowanybodyyouwanttoknow，livethepace……travelandbesomebodywhereveryougo……Darnit，everysortofgoodtime。’
Hespokeitalmostinabrilliancyoftriumph，andConnielookedathimasifdazzled，andreallyfeelingnothingatall。Hardlyeventhesurfaceofhermindwastickledattheglowingprospectsheofferedher。Hardlyevenhermostoutsideselfresponded，thatatanyothertimewouldhavebeenthrilled。Shejustgotnofeelingfromit，shecouldn’t`gooff’。
Shejustsatandstaredandlookeddazzled，andfeltnothing，onlysomewhereshesmelttheextraordinarilyunpleasantsmellofthebitch-goddess。
Micksatontenterhooks，leaningforwardinhischair，glaringatheralmosthysterically：andwhetherhewasmoreanxiousoutofvanityforhertosayYes!orwhetherhewasmorepanic-strickenforfearsheshouldsayYes!——whocantell？
`Ishouldhavetothinkaboutit，’shesaid。`Icouldn’tsaynow。ItmayseemtoyouClifforddoesn’tcount，buthedoes。Whenyouthinkhowdisabledheis……’
`Ohdamnitall!Ifafellow’sgoingtotradeonhisdisabilities，I
mightbegintosayhowlonelyIam，andalwayshavebeen，andalltherestofthemy-eye-Betty-Martinsob-stuff!Damnitall，ifafellow’sgotnothingbutdisabilitiestorecommendhim……’
Heturnedaside，workinghishandsfuriouslyinhistrouserspockets。
Thateveninghesaidtoher：
`You’recomingroundtomyroomtonight，aren’tyou？Idon’tdarnknowwhereyourroomis。’
`Allright!’shesaid。
Hewasamoreexcitedloverthatnight，withhisstrange，smallboy’sfrailnakedness。Conniefounditimpossibletocometohercrisisbeforehehadreallyfinishedhis。Andherousedacertaincravingpassioninher，withhislittleboy’snakednessandsoftness；shehadtogoonafterhehadfinished，inthewildtumultandheavingofherloins，whileheheroicallykepthimselfup，andpresentinher，withallhiswillandself-offering，tillshebroughtaboutherowncrisis，withweirdlittlecries。
Whenatlasthedrewawayfromher，hesaid，inabitter，almostsneeringlittlevoice：
`Youcouldn’tgooffatthesametimeasaman，couldyou？You’dhavetobringyourselfoff!You’dhavetoruntheshow!’
Thislittlespeech，atthemoment，wasoneoftheshocksofherlife。
Becausethatpassivesortofgivinghimselfwassoobviouslyhisonlyrealmodeofintercourse。
`Whatdoyoumean？’shesaid。
`YouknowwhatImean。YoukeeponforhoursafterI’vegoneoff……andIhavetohangonwithmyteethtillyoubringyourselfoffbyyourownexertions。’
Shewasstunnedbythisunexpectedpieceofbrutality，atthemomentwhenshewasglowingwithasortofpleasurebeyondwords，andasortofloveforhim。Because，afterall，likesomanymodernmen，hewasfinishedalmostbeforehehadbegun。Andthatforcedthewomantobeactive。
`Butyouwantmetogoon，togetmyownsatisfaction？’shesaid。
Helaughedgrimly：`Iwantit!’hesaid。`That’sgood!Iwanttohangonwithmyteethclenched，whileyougoforme!’
`Butdon’tyou？’sheinsisted。
Heavoidedthequestion。`Allthedarnedwomenarelikethat，’hesaid。
`Eithertheydon’tgooffatall，asiftheyweredeadinthere……orelsetheywaittillachap’sreallydone，andthentheystartintobringthemselvesoff，andachap’sgottohangon。IneverhadawomanyetwhowentoffjustatthesamemomentasIdid。’
Connieonlyhalfheardthispieceofnovel，masculineinformation。Shewasonlystunnedbyhisfeelingagainsther……hisincomprehensiblebrutality。
Shefeltsoinnocent。
`Butyouwantmetohavemysatisfactiontoo，don’tyou？’sherepeated。
`Oh，allright!I’mquitewilling。ButI’mdarnedifhangingonwaitingforawomantogooffismuchofagameforaman……’
ThisspeechwasoneofthecrucialblowsofConnie’slife。Itkilledsomethinginher。ShehadnotbeensoverykeenonMichaelis；tillhestartedit，shedidnotwanthim。Itwasasifsheneverpositivelywantedhim。
Butoncehehadstartedher，itseemedonlynaturalforhertocometoherowncrisiswithhim。Almostshehadlovedhimforit……almostthatnightshelovedhim，andwantedtomarryhim。
Perhapsinstinctivelyheknewit，andthatwaswhyhehadtobringdownthewholeshowwithasmash；thehouseofcards。Herwholesexualfeelingforhim，orforanyman，collapsedthatnight。Herlifefellapartfromhisascompletelyasifhehadneverexisted。
Andshewentthroughthedaysdrearily。TherewasnothingnowbutthisemptytreadmillofwhatCliffordcalledtheintegratedlife，thelonglivingtogetheroftwopeople，whoareinthehabitofbeinginthesamehousewithoneanother。
Nothingness!Toacceptthegreatnothingnessoflifeseemedtobetheoneendofliving。Allthemanybusyandimportantlittlethingsthatmakeupthegrandsum-totalofnothingness!
Chapter6
`Whydon’tmenandwomenreallylikeoneanothernowadays？’ConnieaskedTommyDukes，whowasmoreorlessheroracle。
`Oh，buttheydo!Idon’tthinksincethehumanspecieswasinvented，therehaseverbeenatimewhenmenandwomenhavelikedoneanotherasmuchastheydotoday。Genuineliking!Takemyself。Ireallylikewomenbetterthanmen；theyarebraver，onecanbemorefrankwiththem。’
Connieponderedthis。
`Ah，yes，butyouneverhaveanythingtodowiththem!’shesaid。
`I？WhatamIdoingbuttalkingperfectlysincerelytoawomanatthismoment？’
`Yes，talking……’
`AndwhatmorecouldIdoifyouwereaman，thantalkperfectlysincerelytoyou？’
`Nothingperhaps。Butawoman……’
`Awomanwantsyoutolikeherandtalktoher，andatthesametimeloveheranddesireher；anditseemstomethetwothingsaremutuallyexclusive。’
`Buttheyshouldn’tbe!’
`Nodoubtwateroughtnottobesowetasitis；itoverdoesitinwetness。
Butthereitis!Ilikewomenandtalktothem，andthereforeIdon’tlovethemanddesirethem。Thetwothingsdon’thappenatthesametimeinme。’
`Ithinktheyoughtto。’
`Allright。Thefactthatthingsoughttobesomethingelsethanwhattheyare，isnotmydepartment。
Connieconsideredthis。`Itisn’ttrue，’shesaid。`Mencanlovewomenandtalktothem。Idon’tseehowtheycanlovethemwithouttalking，andbeingfriendlyandintimate。Howcanthey？’
`Well，’hesaid，`Idon’tknow。What’stheuseofmygeneralizing？I
onlyknowmyowncase。Ilikewomen，butIdon’tdesirethem。Iliketalkingtothem；buttalkingtothem，thoughitmakesmeintimateinonedirection，setsmepolesapartfromthemasfaraskissingisconcerned。Sothereyouare!Butdon’ttakemeasageneralexample，probablyI’mjustaspecialcase：oneofthemenwholikewomen，butdon’tlovewomen，andevenhatethemiftheyforcemeintoapretenceoflove，oranentangledappearance。
`Butdoesn’titmakeyousad？’
`Whyshouldit？Notabit!IlookatCharlieMay，andtherestofthemenwhohaveaffairs……No，Idon’tenvythemabit!IffatesentmeawomanIwanted，wellandgood。SinceIdon’tknowanywomanIwant，andneverseeone……why，IpresumeI’mcold，andreallylikesomewomenverymuch。’
`Doyoulikeme？’
`Verymuch!Andyouseethere’snoquestionofkissingbetweenus，isthere？’
`Noneatall!’saidConnie。`Butoughtn’ttheretobe？’
`Why，inGod’sname？IlikeClifford，butwhatwouldyousayifIwentandkissedhim？’
`Butisn’tthereadifference？’
`Wheredoesitlie，asfaraswe’reconcerned？We’reallintelligenthumanbeings，andthemaleandfemalebusinessisinabeyance。Justinabeyance。Howwouldyoulikemetostartactinguplikeacontinentalmaleatthismoment，andparadingthesexthing？’
`Ishouldhateit。’
`Wellthen!Itellyou，ifI’mreallyamalethingatall，Ineverrunacrossthefemaleofmyspecies。AndIdon’tmissher，Ijustlikewomen。
Who’sgoingtoforcemeintolovingorpretendingtolovethem，workingupthesexgame？’
`No，I’mnot。Butisn’tsomethingwrong？’
`Youmayfeelit，Idon’t。’
`Yes，Ifeelsomethingiswrongbetweenmenandwomen。Awomanhasnoglamourforamananymore。’
`Hasamanforawoman？’
Sheponderedtheothersideofthequestion。
`Notmuch，’shesaidtruthfully。
`Thenlet’sleaveitallalone，andjustbedecentandsimple，likeproperhumanbeingswithoneanother。Bedamnedtotheartificialsex-compulsion!
Irefuseit!’
Connieknewhewasright，really。Yetitleftherfeelingsoforlorn，soforlornandstray。Likeachiponadrearypond，shefelt。Whatwasthepoint，ofheroranything？
Itwasheryouthwhichrebelled。Thesemenseemedsooldandcold。Everythingseemedoldandcold。AndMichaelisletonedownso；hewasnogood。Themendidn’twantone；theyjustdidn’treallywantawoman，evenMichaelisdidn’t。
Andthebounderswhopretendedtheydid，andstartedworkingthesexgame，theywereworsethanever。
Itwasjustdismal，andonehadtoputupwithit。Itwasquitetrue，menhadnorealglamourforawoman：ifyoucouldfoolyourselfintothinkingtheyhad，evenasshehadfooledherselfoverMichaelis，thatwasthebestyoucoulddo。Meanwhileyoujustlivedonandtherewasnothingtoit。
Sheunderstoodperfectlywellwhypeoplehadcocktailparties，andjazzed，andCharlestonedtilltheywerereadytodrop。Youhadtotakeitoutsomewayorother，youryouth，oritateyouup。Butwhataghastlything，thisyouth!YoufeltasoldasMethuselah，andyetthethingfizzedsomehow，anddidn’tletyoubecomfortable。Ameansortoflife!Andnoprospect!
ShealmostwishedshehadgoneoffwithMick，andmadeherlifeonelongcocktailparty，andjazzevening。Anyhowthatwasbetterthanjustmooningyourselfintothegrave。
Ononeofherbaddaysshewentoutalonetowalkinthewood，ponderously，heedingnothing，notevennoticingwhereshewas。Thereportofagunnotfaroffstartledandangeredher。
Then，asshewent，sheheardvoices，andrecoiled。People!Shedidn’twantpeople。Butherquickearcaughtanothersound，andsheroused；itwasachildsobbing。Atoncesheattended；someonewasill-treatingachild。
Shestrodeswingingdownthewetdrive，hersullenresentmentuppermost。
Shefeltjustpreparedtomakeascene。
Turningthecorner，shesawtwofiguresinthedrivebeyondher：thekeeper，andalittlegirlinapurplecoatandmoleskincap，crying。
`Ah，shutitup，thafalselittlebitch!’cametheman’sangryvoice，andthechildsobbedlouder。
Constancestrodenearer，withblazingeyes。Themanturnedandlookedather，salutingcoolly，buthewaspalewithanger。
`What’sthematter？Whyisshecrying？’demandedConstance，peremptorybutalittlebreathless。
Afaintsmilelikeasneercameontheman’sface。`Nay，yomunax’er，’
herepliedcallously，inbroadvernacular。
Conniefeltasifhehadhitherintheface，andshechangedcolour。
Thenshegatheredherdefiance，andlookedathim，herdarkblueeyesblazingrathervaguely。
`Iaskedyou，’shepanted。
Hegaveaqueerlittlebow，liftinghishat。`Youdid，yourLadyship，’
hesaid；then，withareturntothevernacular：`butIcannatellyer。’
Andhebecameasoldier，inscrutable，onlypalewithannoyance。
Connieturnedtothechild，aruddy，black-hairedthingofnineorten。
`Whatisit，dear？Tellmewhyyou’recrying!’shesaid，withtheconventionalizedsweetnesssuitable。Moreviolentsobs，self-conscious。StillmoresweetnessonConnie’spart。
`There，there，don’tyoucry!Tellmewhatthey’vedonetoyou!’……anintensetendernessoftone。Atthesametimeshefeltinthepocketofherknittedjacket，andluckilyfoundasixpence。
`Don’tyoucrythen!’shesaid，bendinginfrontofthechild。`SeewhatI’vegotforyou!’
Sobs，snuffles，afisttakenfromablubberedface，andablackshrewdeyecastforasecondonthesixpence。Thenmoresobs，butsubduing。`There，tellmewhat’sthematter，tellme!’saidConnie，puttingthecoinintothechild’schubbyhand，whichclosedoverit。
`It’sthe……it’sthe……pussy!’
Shuddersofsubsidingsobs。
`Whatpussy，dear？’
Afterasilencetheshyfist，clenchingonsixpence，pointedintothebramblebrake。
`There!’
Connielooked，andthere，sureenough，wasabigblackcat，stretchedoutgrimly，withabitofbloodonit。
`Oh!’shesaidinrepulsion。
`Apoacher，yourLadyship，’saidthemansatirically。