acknowledgingherself，andtheadditionalweighttoherrevelationwhichsuchacknowledgmentwouldgive。Thenshespoke，“DoyourememberEsther，thesisterofJohnBarton’swife？theaunttoMary？AndtheValentineIsentyoulastFebruarytenyears？““Yes，Imindherwell!ButyoarenotEsther，areyou？“Helookedagainintoherface，andseeingthatindeeditwashisboyhood’sfriend，hetookherhand，andshookitwithacordialitythatforgotthepresentinthepast。“Why，Esther!Wherehanyebeenthismanyayear？Wherehanyebeenwanderingthatwenoneofuscouldfindyouout？“Thequestionwasaskedthoughtlessly，butansweredwithfierceearnestness。“WherehaveIbeen？WhathaveIbeendoing？Whydoyoutormentmewithquestionslikethese？Canyounotguess？Butthestoryofmylifeiswantedtogiveforcetomyspeech，afterwardsIwilltellityou。Nay!don’tchangeyourficklemindnow，andsayyoudon’twanttohearit。Youmusthearit，andImusttellit；andthenseeafterMary，andtakecareshedoesnotbecomelikeme。Assheislovingnow，sodidIloveonce，oneabovemefar。“Sheremarkednot，inherownabsorption，thechangeinJem’sbreathing，thesuddenclutchatthewallwhichtoldthefearfullyvividinteresthetookinwhatshesaid。“Hewassohandsome，sokindIWell，theregimentwasorderedtoChesterdidItellyouhewasanofficer？，andhecouldnotbeartopartfromme，norIfromhim，sohetookmewithhim。IneverthoughtpoorMarywouldhavetakenitsotoheart!IalwaysmeanttosendforhertopaymeavisitwhenIwasmarried；for，markyou!hepromisedmemarriage。Theyalldo。Thencamethreeyearsofhappiness。IsupposeIoughtnottohavebeenhappy，butIwas。Ihadalittlegirl，too。Oh!
thesweetestdarlingthateverwasseen!ButImustnotthinkofher，“
puttingherhandwildlyuptoherforehead，“orIshallgomad；Ishall。““Don’ttellmeanymoreaboutyoursel，“saidJem，soothingly。“What!you’retiredalready，areyou？butIwilltellyou；asyou’veaskedforit，youshallhearit。Iwon’trecalltheagonyofthepastfornothing。
Iwillhavethereliefoftellingit。Oh，howhappyIwas!“sinkinghervoiceintoaplaintive，child-likemanner。“ItcamelikeashotonmewhenonedayhecametomeandtoldmehewasorderedtoIreland，andmustleavemebehind；atBristolwethenwere。“Jemmutteredsomewords；shecaughttheirmeaning，andinapleadingvoicecontinued，“Oh，don’tabusehim；don’tspeakawordagainsthim!Youdon’tknowhowIlovehimyet；yet，whenIamsunksolow。Youdon’tguesshowkindhewas。Hegavemefiftypoundsbeforeweparted，andIknewhecouldillspareit。Don’t，Jem，please，“ashismutteredindignationroseagain。
Forhersakeheceased。“Imighthavedonebetterwiththemoney；Iseenow。ButIdidnotknowthevalueofmoney。FormerlyIhadearnediteasilyenoughatthefactory，andasIhadnomoresensiblewants，Ispentitondressandoneating。WhileIlivedwithhim，Ihaditforasking；andfiftypoundswould，Ithought，goalongway。SoIwentbacktoChester，whereI’dbeensohappy，andsetupasmall-wareshop，andhiredaroomnear。Weshouldhavedonewell，butalas!alas!mylittlegirlfellill，andIcouldnotmindmyshopandhertoo；andthingsgrewworseandworse。
Isoldmygoodsanyhowtogetmoneytobuyherfoodandmedicine；Iwroteoverandoveragaintoherfatherforhelp，buthemusthavechangedhisquarters，forInevergotananswer。ThelandlordseizedthefewbobbinsandtapesIhadleft，forshop-rent；andthepersontowhomthemeanlittleroom，towhichwehadbeenforcedtoremove，belonged，threatenedtoturnusoutunlesshisrentwaspaid；ithadrunonmanyweeks，anditwaswinter，coldbleakwinter；andmychildwassoill，soill，andIwasstarving。
AndIcouldnotbeartoseehersuffer，andforgothowmuchbetteritwouldbeforustodietogether；——oh，hermoans，hermoans，whichmoneycouldgivethemeansofrelieving!SoIwentoutintothestreetoneJanuarynight——DoyouthinkGodwillpunishmeforthat？“sheaskedwithwildvehemence，almostamountingtoinsanity，andshakingJem’sarminordertoforceananswerfromhim。Butbeforehecouldshapehisheart’ssympathyintowords，hervoicehadlostitswildness，andshespokewiththequietofdespair。“Butit’snomatter!I’vedonethatsince，whichseparatesusasfarasunderasheavenandhellcanbe。“Hervoiceroseagaintothesharppitchofagony。“MydarlingImydarling!evenafterdeathImaynotseethee，myownsweetone!Shewassogood——likealittleangel。Whatisthattext，Idon’tremember，——thetextmotherusedtoteachmewhenIsatonherkneelongago；itbegins’Blessedarethepure——’““Blessedarethepureinheart，fortheyshallseeGod。““Aye，that’sit!Itwouldbreakmother’sheartifsheknewwhatIamnow——itdidbreakMary’sheart，yousee。AndnowIrecollectitwasaboutherchildIwantedsotoseeyou，Jem。YouknowMaryBarton，don’tyou？“saidshe，tryingtocollectherthoughts。Yes，Jemknewher。Howwell，hisbeatingheartcouldtestify!“Well，there’ssomethingtodoforher；Iforgetwhat；waitaminute!Sheissolikemylittlegirl；“shesaid，raisinghereyes，glisteningwithunshedtears，insearchofthesympathyofJem’scountenance。Hedeeplypitiedher；butoh!howhelongedtorecallhermindtothesubjectofMary，andtheloveraboveherinrank，andtheservicetobedoneforhersake。Buthecontrolledhimselftosilence。Afterawhile，shespokeagain，andinacalmervoice。“WhenIcametoManchesterforIcouldnotstayinChesterafterherdeath，Ifoundyoualloutverysoon。AndyetIneverthoughtmypoorsisterwasdead。IsupposeIwouldnotthinkso。IusedtowatchaboutthecourtwhereJohnlived，formanyandmanyanight，andgatherallIcouldaboutthemfromtheneighbours’talk；forIneveraskedaquestion。Iputthisandthattogether，andfollowedoneandlistenedtotheother；many’sthetimeI’vewatchedthepolicemanoffhisbeat，andpeepedthroughthechinkofthewindow-shuttertoseetheoldroom，andsometimesMaryorherfathersittinguplateforsomereasonoranother。IfoundoutMarywenttolearndressmaking，andIbegantobefrightenedforher；forit’sabadlifeforagirltobeoutlateatnightinthestreets，andaftermanyanhourofwearywork，they’rereadytofollowafteranynoveltythatmakesalittlechange。ButImadeupmymind，thatbadasIwas，IcouldwatchoverMary，andperhapskeepherfromharm。SoIusedtowaitforheratnights，andfollowherhome，oftenwhenshelittleknewanyonewasnearher。TherewasoneofhercompanionsInevercouldabide，andI’msurethatgirlisatthebottomofsomemischief。ByandbyMary’swalkshomewardswerenotalone。Shewasjoinedsoonaftershecameoutbyaman，agentleman。I
begantofearforher，forIsawshewaslight-hearted，andpleasedwithhisattentions’andIthoughtworseofhimforhavingsuchlongtalkswiththatboldgirlItoldyouof。ButIwaslaidupforalongtimewithspittingofblood；andcoulddonothing。I’msureitmademeworse，thinkingaboutwhatmightbehappeningtoMary。AndwhenIcameout，allwasgoingonasbefore，onlysheseemedfonderofhimthanever；andoh!Jem，herfatherwon’tlistentome，andit’syoumustsaveMary!You’relikeabrothertoher，andmaybecouldgiveheradviceandwatchoverher，andatanyrateJohnwillhearkentoyou；onlyhe’ssostern，andsocruel。“Shebegantocryalittleattheremembranceofhisharshwords；butJemcuthershortbyhishoarse，sterninquiry，“WhoisthissparkthatMaryloves？Tellmehisname？““It’syoungCarson，oldCarson’sson，thatyourfatherworkedfor。“Therewasapause。Shebrokethesilence。“Oh!Jem，Ichargeyouwiththecareofher!Isupposeitwouldbemurdertokillher，butitwouldbebetterforhertodiethantolivetoleadsuchalifeasIdo。Doyouhearme，Jem？““Yes!Ihearyou。Itwouldbebetter。Betterwewerealldead。“Thiswassaidasifthinkingaloud；butheimmediatelychangedhistone，andcontinued，“Esther，youmaytrusttomydoingallIcanforMary。ThatIhavedeterminedon。Andnowlistentome。Youloathethelifeyoulead，elseyouwouldnotspeakofitasyoudo。Comehomewithme。Cometomymother。SheandmyauntAlicelivetogether。Iwillseethattheygiveyouawelcome。Andto-morrowIwillseeifsomehonestwayoflivingcannotbefoundforyou，Comehomewithme。“Shewassilentforaminute，andhehopedhehadgainedhispoint。Thenshesaid，“Godblessyou，Jem，forthewordsyouhavejustspoken。Someyearsagoyoumighthavesavedme，asIhopeandtrustyouwillyetsaveMary。Butitistoolatenow；——toolate，“sheadded，withaccentsofdeepdespair。Stillhedidnotrelaxhishold。“Comehome，“hesaid。“Itellyou，Icannot。IcouldnotleadavirtuouslifeifIwould。Ishouldonlydisgraceyou。Ifyouwillknowall，“saidshe，ashestillseemedinclinedtourgeher，“Imusthavedrink。Suchaslivelikemecouldnotbearlife，iftheydidnotdrink。It’stheonlythingtokeepusfromsuicide。
Ifwedidnotdrink，wecouldnotstandthememoryofwhatwehavebeen，andthethoughtofwhatweare，foraday。IfIgowithoutfood，andwithoutshelter，Imusthavemydram。OhIyoudon’tknowtheawfulnightsIhavehadinprisonforwantofit!“saidshe，shuddering，andglaringroundwithterrifiedeyes，asifdreadingtoseesomespiritualcreature，withdimform，nearher。“Itissofrightfultoseethem，“whisperingintonesofwildness，althoughsolowspoken。“Theretheygoroundandroundmybedthewholenightthrough。
Mymother，carryinglittleAnnieIwonderhowtheygottogetherandMary——andalllookingatmewiththeirsad，stonyeyes；ohJem!itissoterrible!
Theydon’tturnbackeither，butpassbehindtheheadofthebed，andI
feeltheireyesonmeeverywhere。IfIcreepundertheclothesIstillseethem；andwhatisworse，“hissingoutherwordswithfright，“theyseeme。Don’tspeaktomeofleadingabetterlife——Imusthavedrink。
Icannotpassto-nightwithoutadram；Idarenot。“Jemwassilentfromdeepsympathy。Oh!couldhe，then，donothingforher!
Shespokeagain，butinalessexcitedtone，althoughitwasthrillinglyearnest。“Youaregrievedforme!Iknowitbetterthanifyoutoldmeinwords。
Butyoucandonothingforme。Iampasthope。YoucanyetsaveMary。Youmust。Sheisinnocent，exceptforthegreaterroroflovingoneaboveherinstation。Jem!youwillsaveher？“Withheartandsoul，thoughinfewwords，Jempromisedthatifaughtearthlycouldkeepherfromfalling，hewoulddoit。Thensheblessedhim，andbadehimgoodnight。“Stayaminute，“saidhe，asshewasonthepointofdeparture。“Imaywanttospeaktoyouagain。Imunknowwheretofindyou——wheredoyoulive？“Shelaughedstrangely。“AnddoyouthinkonesunksolowasIamhasahome？Decent，goodpeoplehavehomes。Wehavenone。No；ifyouwantme，comeatnight，andlookatthecornersofthestreetsabouthere。Thecolder，thebleaker，themorestormythenight，themorecertainyouwillbetofindme。Forthen，“sheadded，withaplaintivefallinhervoice，“itissocoldsleepinginentries，andondoor-steps，andIwantadrammorethanever。“Againsherapidlyturnedoff，andJemalsowentonhisway。Butbeforehereachedtheendofthestreet，eveninthemidstofthejealousanguishthatfilledhisheart，hisconsciencesmotehim。Hehadnotdoneenoughtosaveher。Onemoreeffort，andshemighthavecome。Nay，twentyeffortswouldhavebeenwellrewardedbyheryielding。Heturnedback，butshewasgone。Inthetumultofhisotherfeelings，hisself-reproachwasdeadenedforthetime。Butmanyandmanyadayafterwardshebitterlyregrettedhismissionofduty；hiswearinessofwell-doing。Now，thegreatthingwastoreachhome，andsolitude。Marylovedanother!
Oh!howshouldhebearit？Hehadthoughtherrejectionofhimahardtrial，butthatwasnothingnow。Heonlyrememberedit，tobethankfulthathehadnotyieldedtothetemptationoftryinghisfateagain，notinactualwords，butinameeting，wherehermannershouldtellfarmorethanwords，thathersweetsmiles，herdaintymovements，herprettyhouseholdways，werealltobereservedtogladdenanother’seyesandheart。Andhemustliveon；thatseemedthestrangest。Thatalonglifeandheknewmendidlivelong，evenwithdeep，bitingsorrowcorrodingattheirheartsmustbespentwithoutMary；nay，withtheconsciousnessshewasanother’s!Thathellofthoughthewouldreserveforthequietofhisownroom，thedeadstillnessofnight。Hewasonthethresholdofhomenow。Heentered。Thereweretheusualfaces，theusualsights。Heloathedthem，andthenhecursedhimselfbecauseheloathedthem。Hismother’slovehadtakenacrossturn，becausehehadkeptthetemptingsuppershehadpreparedforhimwaitinguntilitwasnearlyspoilt。Alice，herdulledsensesdeadeningdaybyday，satmutelynearthefire；herhappiness，boundedbytheconsciousnessofthepresenceofherfoster-child，knowingthathisvoicerepeatedwhatwaspassingtoherdeafenedear，thathisarmremovedeachlittleobstacletohertotteringsteps。AndWill，outoftheverykindnessofhisheart，talkedmoreandmoremerrilythanever。HesawJemwasdowncast，andfanciedhisrattlingmightcheerhim；atanyrate，itdrownedhisaunt’smutteredgrumblings，andinsomemeasureconcealedtheblankoftheevening。Atlast，bed-timecame；andWillwithdrewtohisneighbouringlodging；andJaneandAliceWilsonhadrakedthefire，andfasteneddoorsandshutters，andpatteredupstairs，withtheirtotteringfootstepsandshrillvoices。