Tellmenowwhathasmadeyourunawayfrommesofastthesefewdays——tellme,yousweetlittlecoquette!“Maryceasedstruggling,butturnedsoastobealmostoppositetohim,whileshespokeoutcalmly,andboldly。“MrCarson!Iwanttospeaktoyouforonceandforall。SinceImetyoulastMondayevening,Ihavemadeupmymindtohavenothingmoretodowithyou。IknowI’vebeenwronginleadingyoutothinkIlikedyou;butIbelieveIdidn’trightlyknowmyownmind;andIhumblybegyourpardon,sir,ifI’veledyoutothinktoomuchofme。Foraninstanthewassurprised;thenext,vanitycametohisaid,andconvincedhimthatshecouldonlybejoking。He,young,agreeable,rich,handsome!No!shewasonlyshowingalittlewomanlyfondnessforcoquetting。“You’readarlinglittlerascaltogooninthisway!’Humblybeggingmypardonifyou’vemademethinktoomuchofyou。’Asifyoudidn’tknowIthinkofyoufrommorningtonight。Butyouwanttobetolditagainandagain,doyou?““No,indeed,sir,Idon’t。Iwouldfarlieferthatyoushouldsayyouwouldneverthinkofmeagain,thanthatyoushouldspeakofmeinthisway。
Forindeed,sir,IneverwasmoreinearnestthanIam,whenIsayto-nightisthelastnightIwilleverspeaktoyou。“Lastnight,yousweetlittleequivocator,butnotlastday。Ha,Mary,I’vecaughtyou,haveI?“asshe,puzzledbyhisperseveranceinthinkingherjoking,hesitatedinwhatformshecouldnowputhermeaning。“Imean,sir,“shesaidsharply,“thatIwillneverspeaktoyouagain,atanytime,afterto-night。““Andwhat’smadethischange,Mary?“saidhe,seriouslyenoughnow。“HaveIdoneanythingtooffendyou?“addedhe,earnestly。“No,sir,“sheansweredgently,butyetfirmly。“IcannottellyouexactlywhyI’vechangedmymind;butIshallnotalteritagain;and,asIsaidbefore,IbegyourpardonifI’vedonewrongbyyou。Andnow,sir,ifyouplease,goodnight。““ButIdonotplease。Youshallnotgo。WhathaveIdone,Mary?Tellme。
YoumustnotgowithouttellingmehowIhavevexedyou。Whatwouldyouhavemedo?““Nothing,sir,but“inanagitatedtone,“oh!letmego!Youcannotchangemymindit’squitemadeup。Oh,sir!whydoyouholdmesotight?IfyouwillknowwhyIwon’thaveanythingmoretodowithyou,itisthatIcannotloveyou。Ihavetried,andIreallycannot。“Thisnaiveandcandidavowalservedherbutlittle。Hecouldnotunderstandhowitcouldbetrue。Somereasonlurkedbehind。Hewaspassionatelyinlove。Whatshouldhedototempther?Athoughtstruckhim。“Listen!Mary。Nay,Icannotletyougotillyouhaveheardme。Idoloveyoudearly;andIwon’tbelievebutwhatyoulovemeaverylittle,justaverylittle。Well,ifyoudon’tliketoownit,nevermindIonlywantnowtotellyouhowmuchIloveyou,bywhatIamreadytogiveupforyou。Youknoworperhapsyouarenotfullyawarehowlittlemyfatherandmotherwouldlikemetomarryyou。Soangrywouldtheybe,andsomuchridiculeshouldIhavetobrave,thatofcourseIhaveneverthoughtofittillnow。Ithoughtwecouldbehappyenoughwithoutmarriage。“DeepsankthosewordsintoMary’sheart。“Butnow,ifyoulike,I’llgetalicenceto-morrowmorning——nay,to-night,andI’llmarryyouindefianceofalltheworld,ratherthangiveyouup。Inayearortwomyfatherwillforgiveme,andmeanwhileyoushallhaveeveryluxurymoneycanpurchase,andeverycharmthatlovecandevisetomakeyourlifehappy。Afterall,mymotherwasbutafactorygirl。“Thiswassaidtohimself,asiftoreconcilehimselftothisboldstep。“Now,Mary,youseehowwillingI
amto——tosacrificeagooddealforyou;Ievenofferyoumarriage,tosatisfyyourlittleambitiousheart;sonow,won’tyousay,youcanlovemealittle,littlebit?“Hepulledhertowardshim。Tohissurprise,shestillresisted。YesIthoughallshehadpicturedtoherselfforsomanymonthsinbeingthewifeofMrCarsonwasnowwithinhergrasp,sheresisted。Hisspeechhadgivenherbutonefeeling,thatofexceedinggreatrelief。Forshehaddreaded,nowsheknewwhattruelovewas,tothinkoftheattachmentshemighthavecreated;thedeepfeelingherflirtingconductmighthavecalledout。Shehadloadedherselfwithreproachesforthemiseryshemighthavecaused。
Itwasarelief,togatherthattheattachmentwasofthatlow,despicablekindwhichcanplantoseducetheobjectofitsaffection;thatthefeelingshehadcausedwasshallowenoughforitonlypretendedtoembraceself;
attheexpenseofthemisery,theruin,ofonefalselytermedbeloved。
Sheneednotbepenitenttosuchaplotter!Thatwastherelief。“Iamobligedtoyou,sir,fortellingmewhatyouhave。YoumaythinkIamafool;butIdidthinkyoumeanttomarrymeallalong;andyet,thinkingso,IfeltIcouldnotloveyou。StillIfeltsorryIhadgonesofarinkeepingcompanywithyou。Now,sir,Itellyou,ifIhadlovedyoubefore,Idon’tthinkIshouldhavelovedyounowyouhavetoldmeyoumeanttoruinme;forthat’stheplainEnglishofnotmeaningtomarrymetilljustthisminute。IsaidIwassorry,andhumblybeggedyourpardon;
thatwasbeforeIknewwhatyouwere。NowIscornyou,sir,forplottingtoruinapoorgirl。Goodnight。“Andwithawrench,forwhichshehadreservedallherstrength,sheflewofflikeabolt。Theyheardherflyingfootstepsechodownthequietstreet。
ThenextsoundwasSally’slaugh,whichgratedonMrCarson’sears,andkeenlyirritatedhim。“Andwhatdoyoufindsoamusing,Sally?“askedhe。“Oh,sir,Ibegyourpardon。Ihumblybegyourpardon,asMarysays,butIcan’thelplaughingtothinkhowshe’soutwittedus。“Shewasgoingtohavesaid,“outwittedyou,“butchangedthepronoun。“Why,Sally,hadyouanyideashewasgoingtoflyoutinthisstyle?““No,Ihadn’t,tobesure。Butifyoudidthinkofmarryingher,whyifImaybesoboldastoaskdidyougoandtellheryouhadnothoughtofdoingotherwisebyher?Thatwaswhatputherupatlast!““Why,Ihadrepeatedlybeforeledhertoinferthatmarriagewasnotmyobject。Ineverdreamedshecouldhavebeensofoolishastohavemistakenme,littleprovokingromancerthoughshebe!SoInaturallywishedhertoknowwhatasacrificeofprejudice,of-ofmyself,inshort,Iwaswillingtomakeforhersake;yetIdon’tthinkshewasawareofitafterall。
IbelieveImighthaveanyladyinManchesterifIliked,andyetIwaswillingandreadytomarryapoordressmaker。Don’tyouunderstandmenow?
anddon’tyouseewhatasacrificeIwasmakingtohumourher?andalltonoavail。“Sallywassilent,sohewenton:“Myfatherwouldhaveforgivenanytemporaryconnexion,farsoonerthanmymarryingonesofarbeneathmeinrank。““Ithoughtyousaid,sir,yourmotherwasafactorygirl,“remarkedSally,rathermaliciously。“Yes,yes!——butthenmyfatherwasinmuchsuchastation;atanyrate,therewasnotthedisparitythereisbetweenMaryandme。Anotherpause。“Thenyoumeantogiveherup,sir?Shemadenobonesofsayingshegaveyouup。“No;Idonotmeantogiveherup,whateveryouandshemaypleasetothink。
Iammoreinlovewithherthanever;evenforthischarmingcapriciousebullitionofhers。She’llcomeround,youmaydependuponit。Womenalwaydo。Theyalwayshavesecondthoughts,andfindoutthattheyarebestincastingoffalover。Mind,Idon’tsayIshallofferherthesametermsagain。“Withafewmorewordsofnoimportance,thealliesparted。
Ilovedhimnot;andyet,nowheisgone,IfeelIamalone。Icheckedhimwhilehespoke;yetcouldhespeak,Alas!Iwouldnotcheck。ForreasonsnottolovehimonceIsought,Andweariedallmythought。W。S。LANDOR。AndnowMaryhad,asshethought,dismissedbothherlovers。Buttheylookedontheirdismissalswithverydifferenteyes。Hewholovedherwithallhisheartandwithallhissoul,consideredhisrejectionfinal。Hedidnotcomforthimselfwiththeidea,whichwouldhaveprovedsowellfoundedinhiscase,thatwomenhavesecondthoughtsaboutcastingofftheirlovers。
HehadtoomuchrespectforhisownheartinessoflovetobelievehimselfunworthyofMary;thatmockhumbleconceitdidnotenterhishead。Hethoughthedid“nothitMary’sfancy“;andthoughthatmaysoundatrivialevery-dayexpression,yettherealityofitcuthimtotheheart。Wildvisionsofenlistment,ofdrinkinghimselfintoforgetfulness,ofbecomingdesperateinsomewayoranother,enteredhismind;butthenthethoughtofhismotherstoodlikeanangelwithadrawnswordinthewaytosin。For,youknow,“hewastheonlysonofhismother,andshewasawidow“;dependentonhimfordailybread。Sohecouldnotsquanderawayhealthandtime,whichweretohimmoneywherewithtosupportherfailingyears。Hewenttohiswork,accordingly,toalloutwardsemblancejustasusual;butwithaheavy,heavyheartwithin。MrCarson,aswehaveseen,perseveredinconsideringMary’srejectionofhimasmerelya“charmingcaprice。“Ifshewereatwork,SallyLeadbitterwassuretoslipapassionatelylovingnoteintoherhand,andthensoski]fullymoveawayfromherside,thatMarycouldnotallatoncereturnit,withoutmakingsomesensationamongtheworkwomen。Shewasevenforcedtotakeseveralhomewithher。Butafterreadingone,shedeterminedonherplan。ShemadenogreatresistancetoreceivingthemfromSally,butkeptthemunopened,andoccasionallyreturnedtheminablankhalf-sheetofpaper。Butfarworsethanthis,wasthebeingsoconstantlywaylaidasshewenthomebyherperseveringlover;whohadbeensolongacquaintedwithallherhabits,thatshefounditdifficulttoevadehim。Lateorearly,shewasnevercertainofbeingfreefromhim。Gothiswayorthat,hemightcomeupsomecrossstreetwhenshehadjustcongratulatedherselfonevadinghimforthatday。Hecouldnothavetakenasurermodeofmakinghimselfodioustoher。AndallthistimeJemWilsonnevercameINottoseeher——thatshedidnotexpect——buttoseeherfather;to——shedidnotknowwhat,butshehadhopedhewouldhavecomeonsomeexcuse,justtoseeifshehadn’tchangedhermind。Henevercame。Thenshegrewwearyandimpatient,andherspiritssank。Thepersecutionoftheonelover,andtheneglectoftheother,oppressedhersorely。Shecouldnotnowsitquietlythroughtheeveningatherwork;
or,ifshekept,byastrongeffort,frompacingupanddowntheroom,shefeltasifshemustsingtokeepoffthoughtwhileshesewed。Andhersongswerethemaddest,merriest,shecouldthinkof。“BarbaraAllen,“
andsuchsorrowfulditties,didwellenoughforhappytimes;butnowsherequiredalltheaidthatcouldbederivedfromexternalexcitementtokeepdowntheimpulseofgrief。Andherfather,too——hewasagreatanxietytoher,helookedsochangedandsoill。Yethewouldnotacknowledgetoanyailment。Sheknew,thatbeitaslateasitwould,sheneverleftoffworkuntilifthepoorservantspaidherprettyregularlyfortheoddjobsofmendingshedidforthem
shehadearnedafewpence,enoughforonegoodmealforherfatheronthenextday。Butveryfrequentlyallshecoulddointhemorning,afterherlatesittingupatnight,wastorunwiththeworkhome,andreceivethemoneyfromthepersonforwhomitwasdone。Shecouldnotstayoftentomakepurchasesoffood,butgaveupthemoneyatoncetoherfather’seagerclutch;sometimespromptedbyasavagehungeritistrue,butmorefrequentlybyacravingforopium。Onthewholehewasnotsohungryashisdaughter。Foritwasalongfastfromtheoneo’clockdinner-houratMissSimmonds’tothecloseofMary’svigil,whichwasoftenextendedtomidnight。Shewasyoung,andhadnotyetlearnedtobear“clemming。“Oneevening,asshesangamerrysongoverherwork,stoppingoccasionallytosigh,theblindMargaretcamegropingin。IthadbeenoneofMary’sadditionalsorrowsthatherfriendhadbeenabsentfromhome,accompanyingthelectureronmusicinhisroundamongthemanufacturingtownsofYorkshireandLancashire。Hergrandfather,too,hadseenthisagoodtimeforgoinghisexpeditionsinsearchofspecimens;sothatthehousehadbeenshutupforseveralweeks。“Oh!Margaret,Margaret!howgladIamtoseeyou。Takecare。There,now,you’reallright,that’sfather’schair。Sitdown。“——Shekissedheroverandoveragain。“Itseemslikethebeginningo’brightertimes,toseeyouagain,Margaret。
Blessyou!Andhowwellyoulook!““Doctorsalwayssendailingfolkforchangeofair:andyouknowI’vehadplentyo’thatsamelately。““You’vebeenquiteatravellerforsure!Tellusallaboutit,do,Margaret。