第69章
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  Edmundhadalreadygonethroughtheserviceoncesincehisordination;anduponthisbeingunderstood,hehadavarietyofquestionsfromCrawfordastohisfeelingsandsuccess;questions,whichbeingmade,thoughwiththevivacityoffriendlyinterestandquicktaste,withoutanytouchofthatspiritofbanterorairoflevitywhichEdmundknewtobemostoffensivetoFanny,hehadtruepleasureinsatisfying;andwhenCrawfordproceededtoaskhisopinionandgivehisownastotheproperestmannerinwhichparticularpassagesintheserviceshouldbedelivered,shewingittobeasubjectonwhichhehadthoughtbefore,andthoughtwithjudgment,Edmundwasstillmoreandmorepleased。ThiswouldbethewaytoFanny’sheart。

  Shewasnottobewonbyallthatgallantryandwitandgood-naturetogethercoulddo;or,atleast,shewouldnotbewonbythemnearlysosoon,withouttheassistanceofsentimentandfeeling,andseriousnessonserioussubjects“Ourliturgy,“observedCrawford,“hasbeauties,whichnotevenacareless,slovenlystyleofreadingcandestroy;

  butithasalsoredundanciesandrepetitionswhichrequiregoodreadingnottobefelt。Formyself,atleast,ImustconfessbeingnotalwayssoattentiveasIoughttobe“

  herewasaglanceatFanny;“thatnineteentimesoutoftwentyIamthinkinghowsuchaprayeroughttoberead,andlongingtohaveittoreadmyself。Didyouspeak?“

  steppingeagerlytoFanny,andaddressingherinasoftenedvoice;anduponhersaying“No,“headded,“Areyousureyoudidnotspeak?Isawyourlipsmove。

  IfanciedyoumightbegoingtotellmeIoughttobemoreattentive,andnot_allow_mythoughtstowander。

  Arenotyougoingtotellmeso?“

  “No,indeed,youknowyourdutytoowellformeto——

  evensupposing——“

  Shestopt,feltherselfgettingintoapuzzle,andcouldnotbeprevailedontoaddanotherword,notbydintofseveralminutesofsupplicationandwaiting。Hethenreturnedtohisformerstation,andwentonasiftherehadbeennosuchtenderinterruption。

  “Asermon,welldelivered,ismoreuncommoneventhanprayerswellread。Asermon,goodinitself,isnorarething。

  Itismoredifficulttospeakwellthantocomposewell;

  thatis,therulesandtrickofcompositionareofteneranobjectofstudy。Athoroughlygoodsermon,thoroughlywelldelivered,isacapitalgratification。

  Icanneverhearsuchaonewithoutthegreatestadmirationandrespect,andmorethanhalfamindtotakeordersandpreachmyself。Thereissomethingintheeloquenceofthepulpit,whenitisreallyeloquence,whichisentitledtothehighestpraiseandhonour。Thepreacherwhocantouchandaffectsuchanheterogeneousmassofhearers,onsubjectslimited,andlongwornthreadbareinallcommonhands;whocansayanythingneworstriking,anythingthatrousestheattentionwithoutoffendingthetaste,orwearingoutthefeelingsofhishearers,isamanwhomonecouldnot,inhispubliccapacity,honourenough。

  Ishouldliketobesuchaman。“

  Edmundlaughed。

  “Ishouldindeed。Ineverlistenedtoadistinguishedpreacherinmylifewithoutasortofenvy。Butthen,ImusthaveaLondonaudience。Icouldnotpreachbuttotheeducated;tothosewhowerecapableofestimatingmycomposition。AndIdonotknowthatIshouldbefondofpreachingoften;nowandthen,perhapsonceortwiceinthespring,afterbeinganxiouslyexpectedforhalfadozenSundaystogether;butnotforaconstancy;

  itwouldnotdoforaconstancy。“

  HereFanny,whocouldnotbutlisten,involuntarilyshookherhead,andCrawfordwasinstantlybyhersideagain,entreatingtoknowhermeaning;andasEdmundperceived,byhisdrawinginachair,andsittingdownclosebyher,thatitwastobeaverythoroughattack,thatlooksandundertonesweretobewelltried,hesankasquietlyaspossibleintoacorner,turnedhisback,andtookupanewspaper,verysincerelywishingthatdearlittleFannymightbepersuadedintoexplainingawaythatshakeoftheheadtothesatisfactionofherardentlover;

  andasearnestlytryingtoburyeverysoundofthebusinessfromhimselfinmurmursofhisown,overthevariousadvertisementsof“AmostdesirableEstateinSouthWales“;“ToParentsandGuardians“;anda“Capitalseason’dHunter。“

  Fanny,meanwhile,vexedwithherselffornothavingbeenasmotionlessasshewasspeechless,andgrievedtothehearttoseeEdmund’sarrangements,wastryingbyeverythinginthepowerofhermodest,gentlenature,torepulseMr。Crawford,andavoidbothhislooksandinquiries;

  andhe,unrepulsable,waspersistinginboth。

  “Whatdidthatshakeoftheheadmean?“saidhe。“Whatwasitmeanttoexpress?Disapprobation,Ifear。Butofwhat?

  WhathadIbeensayingtodispleaseyou?Didyouthinkmespeakingimproperly,lightly,irreverentlyonthesubject?

  OnlytellmeifIwas。OnlytellmeifIwaswrong。

  Iwanttobesetright。Nay,nay,Ientreatyou;

  foronemomentputdownyourwork。Whatdidthatshakeoftheheadmean?“

  Invainwasher“Pray,sir,don’t;pray,Mr。Crawford,“

  repeatedtwiceover;andinvaindidshetrytomoveaway。

  Inthesamelow,eagervoice,andthesamecloseneighbourhood,hewenton,reurgingthesamequestionsasbefore。

  Shegrewmoreagitatedanddispleased。

  “Howcanyou,sir?Youquiteastonishme;Iwonderhowyoucan——“

  “DoIastonishyou?“saidhe。“Doyouwonder?Isthereanythinginmypresententreatythatyoudonotunderstand?

  Iwillexplaintoyouinstantlyallthatmakesmeurgeyouinthismanner,allthatgivesmeaninterestinwhatyoulookanddo,andexcitesmypresentcuriosity。

  Iwillnotleaveyoutowonderlong。“

  Inspiteofherself,shecouldnothelphalfasmile,butshesaidnothing。

  “YoushookyourheadatmyacknowledgingthatIshouldnotliketoengageinthedutiesofaclergymanalwaysforaconstancy。Yes,thatwastheword。Constancy:

  Iamnotafraidoftheword。Iwouldspellit,readit,writeitwithanybody。Iseenothingalarmingintheword。

  DidyouthinkIought?“

  “Perhaps,sir,“saidFanny,weariedatlastintospeaking——

  “perhaps,sir,Ithoughtitwasapityyoudidnotalwaysknowyourselfaswellasyouseemedtodoatthatmoment。“

  Crawford,delightedtogethertospeakatanyrate,wasdeterminedtokeepitup;andpoorFanny,whohadhopedtosilencehimbysuchanextremityofreproof,foundherselfsadlymistaken,andthatitwasonlyachangefromoneobjectofcuriosityandonesetofwordstoanother。

  Hehadalwayssomethingtoentreattheexplanationof。

  Theopportunitywastoofair。Nonesuchhadoccurredsincehisseeingherinheruncle’sroom,nonesuchmightoccuragainbeforehisleavingMansfield。LadyBertram’sbeingjustontheothersideofthetablewasatrifle,forshemightalwaysbeconsideredasonlyhalf-awake,andEdmund’sadvertisementswerestillofthefirstutility。

  “Well,“saidCrawford,afteracourseofrapidquestionsandreluctantanswers;“IamhappierthanIwas,becauseI

  nowunderstandmoreclearlyyouropinionofme。Youthinkmeunsteady:easilyswayedbythewhimofthemoment,easilytempted,easilyputaside。Withsuchanopinion,nowonderthat。Butweshallsee。ItisnotbyprotestationsthatIshallendeavourtoconvinceyouIamwronged;

  itisnotbytellingyouthatmyaffectionsaresteady。

  Myconductshallspeakforme;absence,distance,timeshallspeakforme。_They_shallprovethat,asfarasyoucanbedeservedbyanybody,Idodeserveyou。Youareinfinitelymysuperiorinmerit;all_that_Iknow。

  YouhavequalitieswhichIhadnotbeforesupposedtoexistinsuchadegreeinanyhumancreature。

  Youhavesometouchesoftheangelinyoubeyondwhat——

  notmerelybeyondwhatonesees,becauseoneneverseesanythinglikeit——butbeyondwhatonefanciesmightbe。

  ButstillIamnotfrightened。Itisnotbyequalityofmeritthatyoucanbewon。Thatisoutofthequestion。

  Itishewhoseesandworshipsyourmeritthestrongest,wholovesyoumostdevotedly,thathasthebestrighttoareturn。ThereIbuildmyconfidence。

  BythatrightIdoandwilldeserveyou;andwhenonceconvincedthatmyattachmentiswhatIdeclareit,Iknowyoutoowellnottoentertainthewarmesthopes。

  Yes,dearest,sweetestFanny。Nay“seeingherdrawbackdispleased,“forgiveme。PerhapsIhaveasyetnoright;

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