第41章
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  accursedlife;andTHERE——somewherelosttome——thingswerehappening——momentous,terriblethings……Ilivedatnights——mydays,mywakingdays,thislifeIamlivingnow,becameafaded,far-awaydream,adrabsetting,thecoverofthebook。“

  Hethought。

  “Icouldtellyouall,tellyoueverylittlethinginthedream,butastowhatIdidinthedaytime——no。Icouldnottell——Idonotremember。Mymemory——mymemoryhasgone。Thebusinessoflifeslipsfromme——“

  Heleantforward,andpressedhishandsuponhiseyes。Foralongtimehesaidnothing。

  “Andthen?“saidI。

  “Thewarburstlikeahurricane。“

  Hestaredbeforehimatunspeakablethings。

  “Andthen?“Iurgedagain。

  “Onetouchofunreality,“hesaid,inthelowtoneofamanwhospeakstohimself,“andtheywouldhavebeennightmares。Buttheywerenotnightmares——theywerenotnightmares。NO!“

  Hewassilentforsolongthatitdawneduponmethattherewasadangeroflosingtherestofthestory。Buthewentontalkingagaininthesametoneofquestioningself-communion。

  “Whatwastheretodobutflight?IhadnotthoughtthewarwouldtouchCapri——IhadseemedtoseeCapriasbeingoutofitall,asthecontrasttoitall;buttwonightsafterthewholeplacewasshoutingandbawling,everywomanalmostandeveryothermanworeabadge——Evesham’sbadge——andtherewasnomusicbutajanglingwar-songoverandoveragain,andeverywheremenenlisting,andinthedancinghallstheyweredrilling。Thewholeislandwasawhirlwithrumours;itwassaid,againandagain,thatfightinghadbegun。

  Ihadnotexpectedthis。IhadseensolittleofthelifeofpleasurethatIhadfailedtoreckonwiththisviolenceoftheamateurs。

  Andasforme,Iwasoutofit。Iwaslikeamanwhomighthavepreventedthefiringofamagazine。Thetimehadgone。Iwasnoone;

  thevaineststriplingwithabadgecountedformorethanI。Thecrowdjostledusandbawledinourears;thataccursedsongdeafenedus;

  awomanshriekedatmyladybecausenobadgewasonher,andwetwowentbacktoourownplaceagain,ruffledandinsulted——

  myladywhiteandsilent,andIaquiverwithrage。SofuriouswasI,IcouldhavequarrelledwithherifIcouldhavefoundoneshadeofaccusationinhereyes。

  “Allmymagnificencehadgonefromme。Iwalkedupanddownourrockcell,andoutsidewasthedarklingseaandalighttothesouthwardthatflaredandpassedandcameagain。

  “’Wemustgetoutofthisplace,’Isaidoverandover。’Ihavemademychoice,andIwillhavenohandinthesetroubles。Iwillhavenothingofthiswar。Wehavetakenourlivesoutofallthesethings。Thisisnorefugeforus。Letusgo。’

  “Andthenextdaywewerealreadyinflightfromthewarthatcoveredtheworld。

  “AndalltherestwasFlight——alltherestwasFlight。“

  Hemuseddarkly。

  “Howmuchwasthereofit?“

  Hemadenoanswer。

  “Howmanydays?“

  Hisfacewaswhiteanddrawnandhishandswereclenched。Hetooknoheedofmycuriosity。

  Itriedtodrawhimbacktohisstorywithquestions。

  “Wheredidyougo?“Isaid。

  “When?“

  “WhenyouleftCapri。“

  “Southwest,“hesaid,andglancedatmeforasecond。“Wewentinaboat。“

  “ButIshouldhavethoughtanaeroplane?“

  “Theyhadbeenseized。“

  Iquestionedhimnomore。PresentlyIthoughthewasbeginningagain。Hebrokeoutinanargumentativemonotone:

  “Butwhyshoulditbe?If,indeed,thisbattle,thisslaughterandstressISlife,whyhavewethiscravingforpleasureandbeauty?

  IfthereISnorefuge,ifthereisnoplaceofpeace,andifallourdreamsofquietplacesareafollyandasnare,whyhavewesuchdreams?Surelyitwasnoignoblecravings,nobaseintentions,hadbroughtustothis;itwasLovehadisolatedus。Lovehadcometomewithhereyesandrobedinherbeauty,moregloriousthanallelseinlife,intheveryshapeandcolouroflife,andsummonedmeaway。Ihadsilencedallthevoices,Ihadansweredallthequestions——

  Ihadcometoher。AndsuddenlytherewasnothingbutWarandDeath!“

  Ihadaninspiration。“Afterall,“Isaid,“itcouldhavebeenonlyadream。“

  “Adream!“hecried,flaminguponme,“adream——whenevennow——“

  Forthefirsttimehebecameanimated。Afaintflushcreptintohischeek。Heraisedhisopenhandandclenchedit,anddroppedittohisknee。Hespoke,lookingawayfromme,andforalltherestofthetimehelookedaway。“Wearebutphantoms,“hesaid,“andthephantomsofphantoms,desireslikecloudshadowsandwillsofstrawthateddyinthewind;thedayspass,useandwontcarryusthroughasatraincarriestheshadowofitslights,sobeit!

  Butonethingisrealandcertain,onethingisnodreamstuff,buteternalandenduring。Itisthecentreofmylife,andallotherthingsaboutitaresubordinateoraltogethervain。Ilovedher,thatwomanofadream。AndsheandIaredeadtogether!

  “Adream!Howcanitbeadream,whenitdrenchedalivinglifewithunappeasablesorrow,whenitmakesallthatIhavelivedforandcaredfor,worthlessandunmeaning?

  “UntilthatverymomentwhenshewaskilledIbelievedwehadstillachanceofgettingaway,“hesaid。“AllthroughthenightandmorningthatwesailedacrosstheseafromCapritoSalerno,wetalkedofescape。Wewerefullofhope,anditclungaboutustotheend,hopeforthelifetogetherweshouldlead,outofitall,outofthebattleandstruggle,thewildandemptypassions,theemptyarbitrary’thoushalt’and’thoushaltnot’oftheworld。

  Wewereuplifted,asthoughourquestwasaholything,asthoughloveforoneanotherwasamission……

  “EvenwhenfromourboatwesawthefairfaceofthatgreatrockCapri——alreadyscarredandgashedbythegunemplacementsandhiding-placesthatweretomakeitafastness——wereckonednothingoftheimminentslaughter,thoughthefuryofpreparationhungaboutinpuffsandcloudsofdustatahundredpointsamidstthegrey;

  but,indeed,Imadeatextofthatandtalked。There,youknow,wastherock,stillbeautiful,forallitsscars,withitscountlesswindowsandarchesandways,tierupontier,forathousandfeet,avastcarvingofgrey,brokenbyvine-cladterraces,andlemonandorangegroves,andmassesofagaveandpricklypear,andpuffsofalmondblossom。AndoutunderthearchwaythatisbuiltoverthePiccolaMarinaotherboatswerecoming;andaswecameroundthecapeandwithinsightofthemainland,anotherlittlestringofboatscameintoview,drivingbeforethewindtowardsthesouthwest。

  Inalittlewhileamultitudehadcomeout,theremoterjustlittlespecksofultramarineintheshadowoftheeastwardcliff。

  “’Itisloveandreason,’Isaid,’fleeingfromallthismadness,ofwar。’

  “Andthoughwepresentlysawasquadronofaeroplanesflyingacrossthesouthernskywedidnotheedit。Thereitwas——alineoflittledotsinthesky——andthenmore,dottingthesoutheasternhorizon,andthenstillmore,untilallthatquarteroftheskywasstippledwithbluespecks。Nowtheywereallthinlittlestrokesofblue,andnowoneandnowamultitudewouldheelandcatchthesunandbecomeshortflashesoflight。Theycamerisingandfallingandgrowinglarger,likesomehugeflightofgullsorrooks,orsuch-likebirdsmovingwithamarvellousuniformity,andeverastheydrewnearertheyspreadoveragreaterwidthofsky。

  Thesouthwardwingflungitselfinanarrow-headedcloudathwartthesun。Andthensuddenlytheysweptroundtotheeastwardandstreamedeastward,growingsmallerandsmallerandclearerandcleareragainuntiltheyvanishedfromthesky。AndafterthatwenotedtothenorthwardandveryhighEvesham’sfightingmachineshanginghighoverNapleslikeaneveningswarmofgnats。

  “Itseemedtohavenomoretodowithusthanaflightofbirds。

  “Eventhemutterofgunsfarawayinthesoutheastseemedtoustosignifynothing……

  “Eachday,eachdreamafterthat,wewerestillexalted,stillseekingthatrefugewherewemightliveandlove。Fatiguehadcomeuponus,painandmanydistresses。Forthoughweweredustyandstainedbyourtoilsometramping,andhalfstarvedandwiththehorrorofthedeadmenwehadseenandtheflightofthepeasants——

  forverysoonagustoffightingsweptupthepeninsula——withthesethingshauntingourmindsitstillresultedonlyinadeepeningresolutiontoescape。O,butshewasbraveandpatient!Shewhohadneverfacedhardshipandexposurehadcourageforherself——andme。

  Wewenttoandfroseekinganoutlet,overacountryallcommandeeredandransackedbythegatheringhostsofwar。Alwayswewentonfoot。

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