“Theveryfactthatshecouldaddressmewithsomuchsympathyandkindnessstruckmedumb。AsregardsDoctorKliachka，Imaymentionthathewasagood-looking，blotchy-faced，heavy-jowledfellowwithamoustachethatreachedtohisshoulders，andlipsthatwereforeverlaughingandvociferating。’Nothinghaseitherabeginningoranend。Theonlythingreallyexistentispleasure。’
“Nay，eventheGeneralcould，attimes，makesportofthefellow，andsayasheshookwithmerriment:
“’Adoctor-comedianisthesortofmanthatyouare。’
“Now，attheperiodofwhichIamspeakingIwasasstraightasadart，andhadashockofluxurianthairoverasetofruddyfeatures。Also，Iwaslivingalifecleanineveryway，andmaintainingacautiousattitudetowardswomenfolk，andholdingprostitutesinacontemptbornofthefactthatIhadhigherviewswithregardtomylife’sdestiny。Lastly，Ineverindulgedinliquor，forIactuallydislikedit，andgavewaytoitsinfluenceonlyindayssubsequenttotheepisodewhichIamnarrating。Yes，and，lastofall，IwasinthehabitoftakingabatheverySaturday。
“ThesameeveningKliachkaandtherestofthepartywentouttothetheatrefor，naturally，theGeneralhadhorsesandacarriageofhisown，andI，formypart，wenttoinformLukianovofwhathadhappened。
“Hesaid:’Imustcongratulateyou，andamreadytowageryoutwobottlesofbeerthatyouraffairisasgoodassettled。Inafewsecondsafreshlotofversesshallbeturnedout，forpoetryconstitutesaspeciesoftalismanorcharm。’
“And，sureenough，hethenandtherecomposedthepieceabout’thewondrousValentina。’Whatatenderthingitis，andhowfullofunderstanding！MyGod，myGod！“
And，withathoughtfulshakeofhisbead，Kalininraisedhisboyisheyestowardsthebluepatchesintherain-washedsky。
“Dulyshefoundtheverses，“hecontinuedafterawhile，andwithavehemencethatseemedwhollyindependentofhiswill。“Andthereuponshesummonedmetoherroom。
“’Whatarewetodoaboutitall？’sheinquired。
“Shewasbuthalf-dressed，andpracticallythewholeofherbosomwasvisibletomysight。Also，hernakedfeethadonthemonlyslippers，andasshesatinherchairshekeptrockingonefoottoandfroinamaddeningway。
“’Whatarewetodoaboutitall？’sherepeated。
“’WhatamItosayaboutit，atlengthIreplied，’savethatI
feelasthoughIwerenotreallyexistingonearth？’
“’Areyouonewhocanholdyourtongue？’washernextquestion。
“Inodded——nothingelsecouldIcompass，forfurtherspeechhadbecomeimpossible。Whereupon，risingwithbrowspuckered，shefetchedacoupleofsmallphials，and，withtheaidofingredientsthence，mixedapowderwhichshewrappedinpaper，andhandedmewiththewords:
“’OnlyonewayofescapeoffersfromthePlaguesofEgypt。HereIhaveacertainpowder。Tonightthedoctoristodinewithus。
Placethepowderinhissoup，andwithinafewdaysIshallbefree！——yes，freeforyou！’
“Icrossedmyself，anddulytookfromherthepaper，whilstamistrose，andswambeforemyeyes，asIdidso，andmylegsbecameperfectlynumb。WhatInextdidIhardlyknow，forinwardlyIwasswooning。Indeed，untilKliachka’sarrivalthesameeveningIremainedpracticallyinastateofcoma。“
HereKalininshuddered——thenglancedatmewithdrawnfeaturesandchatteringteeth，andstirreduneasily。
“Supposewelightafire？“heventured。“Iamgrowingshiveryallover。Butfirstwemustmoveoutside。“
Thetorncloudswerecastingtheirshadowswearilyathwartthesoddenearthandglitteringstonesandsilver-dustedherbage。
Onlyonasinglemountaintophadablurofmistsettledlikeanarrestedavalanche，andwasrestingtherewithitsedgessteaming。Theseatoohadgrowncalmerundertherain，andwassplashingwithmoregentlemournfulness，evenasthebluepatchesinthefirmamenthadtakenonasofter，warmerlook，andstraysunbeamsweretouchinguponlandandseainturn，and，wheretheychancedtofalluponherbage，causingpearlsandemeraldstosparkleoneveryleaf，andkaleidoscopictintstoglowwherethedark-blueseareflectedtheirgenerousradiance。Indeed，sogoodly，sofullofpromise，wasthescenethatonemighthavesupposedautumntohavefledawayforeverbeforethewindandtherain，andbeneficentsummertohavebeenrestored。
Presentlythroughthemoist，squelchingsoundofourfootsteps，andthecheerfulpatteroftherain-drippings，Kalinin’snarrativeresumeditslanguid，querulouscourse:
“When，thatevening，IopenedthedoortothedoctorIcouldnotbringmyselftolookhimintheface——Icouldmerelyhangmyhead；
whereupon，takingmebythechin，andraisingit，heinquired:
“Whyisyourfacesoyellow？Whatisthematterwithyou？’
“Yes，akind-heartedmanwashe，andonewhohadneverfailedtotipmewell，andtospeaktomewithasmuchconsiderationasthoughIhadnotbeenafootmanatall。
“’Iamnotinverygoodhealth，’Ireplied。’I，I——’
“’Come，come！’washisinterjection。’AfterdinnerImustlookyouover，andinthemeanwhile，dokeepupyourspirits。’
“ThenIrealisedthatpoisonhimIcouldnot，butthatthepowdermustbeswallowedbymyself——yes，bymyself！Aye，overmyheartaflashoflightninghadgleamed，andshownmethatnowI
wasnolongerfollowingtheroadproperlyassignedmebyfate。
“Rushingawaytomyroom，Ipouredoutaglassofwater，andemptiedintoitthepowder；whereuponthewaterthickened，fizzed，andbecametoppedwithfoam。Oh，aterriblemomentitwas！……ThenIdrankthemixture。Yetnoburningsensationensued，andthoughIlistenedtomyvitals，nothingwastobeheardinthatquarter，but，onthecontrary，myheadbegantolighten，andIfoundmyselflosingthesenseofself-pitywhichhadbroughtmealmosttothepointoftears……Shallwesettleourselveshere？“
Beforeusalargestone，cappedwithgreenmossandclimbingplants，wasgood-humouredlythrustingupwardsabroad，flatfacebeneathwhichthebodyhad，likethatoftheheroSviatogov，sunkenintotheearththroughitsownweightuntilonlytheface，avisagewornwithaeonsofmeditation，wasnowvisible。Oneveryside，also，hadoak-treesovergrownandencompassedthebulkoftheprojection，asthoughtheytoohadbeenmadeofstone，withtheirbranchesdroopingsufficientlylowtobrushthewrinklesoftheancientmonolith。Kalininseatedhimselfonhishaunchesundertheoverhangingrimofthestone，andsaidashesnappedsometwigsinhalf:
“Thisiswhereweoughttohavebeensittingwhilsttherainwascomingdown。“
“AndsosayI，“Irejoined。“Butpraycontinueyourstory。“
“Yes，whenyouhaveputamatchtothefire。“
Whereafter，furtherwithdrawinghisspareframeunderthestone，sothathemightstretchhimselfatfulllength，Kalinincontinued:
“Iwalkedtothepantryquietlyenough，thoughmylegsweretotteringbeneathme，andIhadacoldsensationinmybreast。
SuddenlyIheardthedining-roomechotoamerrypealoflaughterfromValentinaIgnatievna，andtheGeneralreplytothatoutburst:
“’Ah，thatman！Ah，theseservantsofours！Why，thefellowwoulddoANYTHINGforapiatak’[Asilverfive-kopeckpiece，equalinvalueto21/4pence。]
“Tothismybelovedoneretorted:
“’Oh，uncle，uncle！IsitonlyapiatakthatIamworth？
AndthenIheardthedoctorputin:
“’Whatwasityougavehim？’
“’Merelysomesodaandtartaricacid。Tothinkofthefunthatweshallhave！’“
Here，closinghiseyes，Kalininremainedsilentforamoment，whilstthemoistbreezesighedasitdrovedense，wetmistagainsttheblackbranchesofthetrees。
“AtfirstmyfeelingwasoneofoverwhelmingjoyatthethoughtthatatleastnotDEATHwastobemyfate。ForImaytellyouthat，sofarfrombeingharmful，sodaandtartaricacidarefrequentlytakenasaremedyagainstdrunkenheadache。Thenthethoughtoccurredtome:’But，sinceIamnotatippler，whyshouldsuchajokehavebeenplayeduponME？’However，fromthatmomentIbegantofeeleasier，andwhenthecompanyhadsatdowntodinner，and，amidageneralsilence，Iwashandingroundthesoup，thedoctortastedhisportion，and，raisinghisheadwithafrown，inquired:
“’Forgiveme，butwhatsoupisthis？’
“’Ah！’Iinwardlyreflected。’Soon，goodgentlefolk，youwillseehowyourjesthasmiscarried。’
“AloudIreplied——repliedwithcompleteboldness:
“’Donotfear，sir。Ihavetakenthepowdermyself。’
UponthistheGeneralandhiswife，whowerestillinignorancethatthejesthadgoneamiss，begantotitter，buttheotherssaidnothing，thoughValentinaIgnatievna’seyesgrewrounderandrounder，untilinanundertoneshemurmured:
“’DidyouKNOWthatthestuffwasharmless？’
“’Ididnot，’Ireplied。’Atleast，notatthemomentofmydrinkingit。’
“Whereafterfallingheadlongtothefloor，Ilostconsciousness。“