第38章
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  Fromtheirfacesitseemedthatforthemostparttheymadenoeffortatall,and,recumbentasitwere,acceptedtheideasthewordsgaveasrepresentinggoodness,inthesameway,nodoubt,asoneofthoseindustriousneedlewomenhadacceptedthebrightuglypatternonhermatasbeauty。

  Whateverthereasonmightbe,forthefirsttimeinherlife,insteadofslippingatonceintosomecuriouspleasantcloudofemotion,toofamiliartobeconsidered,Rachellistenedcriticallytowhatwasbeingsaid。Bythetimetheyhadswunginanirregularwayfromprayertopsalm,frompsalmtohistory,fromhistorytopoetry,andMr。Baxwasgivingouthistext,shewasinastateofacutediscomfort。Suchwasthediscomfortshefeltwhenforcedtositthroughanunsatisfactorypieceofmusicbadlyplayed。

  Tantalised,enragedbytheclumsyinsensitivenessoftheconductor,whoputthestressonthewrongplaces,andannoyedbythevastflockoftheaudiencetamelypraisingandacquiescingwithoutknowingorcaring,soshewasnottantalizedandenraged,onlyhere,witheyeshalf-shutandlipspursedtogether,theatmosphereofforcedsolemnityincreasedheranger。Allroundherwerepeoplepretendingtofeelwhattheydidnotfeel,whilesomewhereaboveherfloatedtheideawhichtheycouldnoneofthemgrasp,whichtheypretendedtograsp,alwaysescapingoutofreach,abeautifulidea,anidealikeabutterfly。Oneafteranother,vastandhardandcold,appearedtoherthechurchesallovertheworldwherethisblunderingeffortandmisunderstandingwereperpetuallygoingon,greatbuildings,filledwithinnumerablemenandwomen,notseeingclearly,whofinallygaveuptheefforttosee,andrelapsedtamelyintopraiseandacquiescence,half-shuttingtheireyesandpursinguptheirlips。

  Thethoughthadthesamesortofphysicaldiscomfortasiscausedbyafilmofmistalwayscomingbetweentheeyesandtheprintedpage。

  Shedidherbesttobrushawaythefilmandtoconceivesomethingtobeworshippedastheservicewenton,butfailed,alwaysmisledbythevoiceofMr。Baxsayingthingswhichmisrepresentedtheidea,andbythepatterofbaainginexpressivehumanvoicesfallingroundherlikedampleaves。Theeffortwastiringanddispiriting。

  Sheceasedtolisten,andfixedhereyesonthefaceofawomannearher,ahospitalnurse,whoseexpressionofdevoutattentionseemedtoprovethatshewasatanyratereceivingsatisfaction。

  Butlookingathercarefullyshecametotheconclusionthatthehospitalnursewasonlyslavishlyacquiescent,andthatthelookofsatisfactionwasproducedbynosplendidconceptionofGodwithinher。

  Howindeed,couldsheconceiveanythingfaroutsideherownexperience,awomanwithacommonplacefacelikehers,alittleroundredface,uponwhichtrivialdutiesandtrivialspiteshaddrawnlines,whoseweakblueeyessawwithoutintensityorindividuality,whosefeatureswereblurred,insensitive,andcallous?Shewasadoringsomethingshallowandsmug,clingingtoit,sotheobstinatemouthwitnessed,withtheassiduityofalimpet;nothingwouldtearherfromherdemurebeliefinherownvirtueandthevirtuesofherreligion。

  Shewasalimpet,withthesensitivesideofherstucktoarock,foreverdeadtotherushoffreshandbeautifulthingspasther。

  ThefaceofthissingleworshipperbecameprintedonRachel’smindwithanimpressionofkeenhorror,andshehaditsuddenlyrevealedtoherwhatHelenmeantandSt。JohnmeantwhentheyproclaimedtheirhatredofChristianity。Withtheviolencethatnowmarkedherfeelings,sherejectedallthatshehadimplicitlybelieved。

  MeanwhileMr。Baxwashalf-waythroughthesecondlesson。

  Shelookedathim。Hewasamanoftheworldwithsupplelipsandanagreeablemanner,hewasindeedamanofmuchkindlinessandsimplicity,thoughbynomeansclever,butshewasnotinthemoodtogiveanyonecreditforsuchqualities,andexaminedhimasthoughhewereanepitomeofallthevicesofhisservice。

  RightatthebackofthechapelMrs。Flushing,Hirst,andHewetsatinarowinaverydifferentframeofmind。Hewetwasstaringattheroofwithhislegsstuckoutinfrontofhim,forashehadnevertriedtomaketheservicefitanyfeelingorideaofhis,hewasabletoenjoythebeautyofthelanguagewithouthindrance。

  Hismindwasoccupiedfirstwithaccidentalthings,suchasthewomen’shairinfrontofhim,thelightonthefaces,thenwiththewordswhichseemedtohimmagnificent,andthenmorevaguelywiththecharactersoftheotherworshippers。ButwhenhesuddenlyperceivedRachel,allthesethoughtsweredrivenoutofhishead,andhethoughtonlyofher。Thepsalms,theprayers,theLitany,andthesermonwereallreducedtoonechantingsoundwhichpaused,andthenreneweditself,alittlehigheroralittlelower。

  HestaredalternatelyatRachelandattheceiling,buthisexpressionwasnowproducednotbywhathesawbutbysomethinginhismind。

  Hewasalmostaspainfullydisturbedbyhisthoughtsasshewasbyhers。

  EarlyintheserviceMrs。FlushinghaddiscoveredthatshehadtakenupaBibleinsteadofaprayer-book,and,asshewassittingnexttoHirst,shestoleaglanceoverhisshoulder。Hewasreadingsteadilyinthethinpale-bluevolume。Unabletounderstand,shepeeredcloser,uponwhichHirstpolitelylaidthebookbeforeher,pointingtothefirstlineofaGreekpoemandthentothetranslationopposite。

  “What’sthat?“shewhisperedinquisitively。

  “Sappho,“hereplied。“TheoneSwinburnedid——thebestthingthat’severbeenwritten。“

  Mrs。Flushingcouldnotresistsuchanopportunity。ShegulpeddowntheOdetoAphroditeduringtheLitany,keepingherselfwithdifficultyfromaskingwhenSappholived,andwhatelseshewroteworthreading,andcontrivingtocomeinpunctuallyattheendwith“theforgivenessofsins,theResurrectionofthebody,andthelifeeverlastin’。Amen。“

  MeanwhileHirsttookoutanenvelopeandbeganscribblingonthebackofit。WhenMr。BaxmountedthepulpitheshutupSapphowithhisenvelopebetweenthepages,settledhisspectacles,andfixedhisgazeintentlyupontheclergyman。Standinginthepulpithelookedverylargeandfat;thelightcomingthroughthegreenishunstainedwindow-glassmadehisfaceappearsmoothandwhitelikeaverylargeegg。

  Helookedroundatallthefaceslookingmildlyupathim,althoughsomeofthemwerethefacesofmenandwomenoldenoughtobehisgrandparents,andgaveouthistextwithweightysignificance。

  Theargumentofthesermonwasthatvisitorstothisbeautifulland,althoughtheywereonaholiday,owedadutytothenatives。

  Itdidnot,intruth,differverymuchfromaleadingarticleupontopicsofgeneralinterestintheweeklynewspapers。Itrambledwithakindofamiableverbosityfromoneheadingtoanother,suggestingthatallhumanbeingsareverymuchthesameundertheirskins,illustratingthisbytheresemblanceofthegameswhichlittleSpanishboysplaytothegameslittleboysinLondonstreetsplay,observingthatverysmallthingsdoinfluencepeople,particularlynatives;infact,averydearfriendofMr。Bax’shadtoldhimthatthesuccessofourruleinIndia,thatvastcountry,largelydependeduponthestrictcodeofpolitenesswhichtheEnglishadoptedtowardsthenatives,whichledtotheremarkthatsmallthingswerenotnecessarilysmall,andthatsomehowtothevirtueofsympathy,whichwasavirtuenevermoreneededthanto-day,whenwelivedinatimeofexperimentandupheaval——

  witnesstheaeroplaneandwirelesstelegraph,andtherewereotherproblemswhichhardlypresentedthemselvestoourfathers,butwhichnomanwhocalledhimselfamancouldleaveunsettled。

  HereMr。Baxbecamemoredefinitelyclerical,ifitwerepossible,heseemedtospeakwithacertaininnocentcraftiness,ashepointedoutthatallthislaidaspecialdutyuponearnestChristians。

  Whatmenwereinclinedtosaynowwas,“Oh,thatfellow——he’saparson。“

  Whatwewantthemtosayis,“He’sagoodfellow“——inotherwords,“Heismybrother。“Heexhortedthemtokeepintouchwithmenofthemoderntype;theymustsympathisewiththeirmultifariousinterestsinordertokeepbeforetheireyesthatwhateverdiscoveriesweremadetherewasonediscoverywhichcouldnotbesuperseded,whichwasindeedasmuchofanecessitytothemostsuccessfulandmostbrilliantofthemallasithadbeentotheirfathers。

  Thehumblestcouldhelp;theleastimportantthingshadaninfluenceherehismannerbecamedefinitelypriestlyandhisremarksseemedtobedirectedtowomen,forindeedMr。Bax’scongregationsweremainlycomposedofwomen,andhewasusedtoassigningthemtheirdutiesinhisinnocentclericalcampaigns。Leavingmoredefiniteinstruction,hepassedon,andhisthemebroadenedintoaperorationforwhichhedrewalongbreathandstoodveryupright,——“Asadropofwater,detached,alone,separatefromothers,fallingfromthecloudandenteringthegreatocean,alters,soscientiststellus,notonlytheimmediatespotintheoceanwhereitfalls,butallthemyriaddropswhichtogethercomposethegreatuniverseofwaters,andbythismeansalterstheconfigurationoftheglobeandthelivesofmillionsofseacreatures,andfinallythelivesofthemenandwomenwhoseektheirlivingupontheshores——

  asallthisiswithinthecompassofasingledropofwater,suchasanyrainshowersendsinmillionstolosethemselvesintheearth,tolosethemselveswesay,butweknowverywellthatthefruitsoftheearthcouldnotflourishwithoutthem——

  soisamarvelcomparabletothiswithinthereachofeachoneofus,whodroppingalittlewordoralittledeedintothegreatuniversealtersit;yea,itisasolemnthought,_alters_it,forgoodorforevil,notforoneinstant,orinonevicinity,butthroughouttheentirerace,andforalleternity。“Whippingroundasthoughtoavoidapplause,hecontinuedwiththesamebreath,butinadifferenttoneofvoice,——“AndnowtoGodtheFather……“

  Hegavehisblessing,andthen,whilethesolemnchordsagainissuedfromtheharmoniumbehindthecurtain,thedifferentpeoplebeganscrapingandfumblingandmovingveryawkwardlyandconsciouslytowardsthedoor。Half-wayupstairs,atapointwherethelightandsoundsoftheupperworldconflictedwiththedimnessandthedyinghymn-tuneoftheunder,Rachelfeltahanddropuponhershoulder。

  “MissVinrace,“Mrs。Flushingwhisperedperemptorily,“staytoluncheon。

  It’ssuchadismalday。Theydon’tevengiveonebeefforluncheon。

  Pleasestay。“

  Heretheycameoutintothehall,whereoncemorethelittlebandwasgreetedwithcuriousrespectfulglancesbythepeoplewhohadnotgonetochurch,althoughtheirclothingmadeitclearthattheyapprovedofSundaytotheveryvergeofgoingtochurch。

  Rachelfeltunabletostandanymoreofthisparticularatmosphere,andwasabouttosayshemustgoback,whenTerencepassedthem,drawnalongintalkwithEvelynM。Rachelthereuponcontentedherselfwithsayingthatthepeoplelookedveryrespectable,whichnegativeremarkMrs。Flushinginterpretedtomeanthatshewouldstay。

  “Englishpeopleabroad!“shereturnedwithavividflashofmalice。

  “Ain’ttheyawful!Butwewon’tstayhere,“shecontinued,pluckingatRachel’sarm。“Comeuptomyroom。“

  SheboreherpastHewetandEvelynandtheThornburysandtheElliots。

  Hewetsteppedforward。

  “Luncheon——“hebegan。

  “MissVinracehaspromisedtolunchwithme,“saidMrs。Flushing,andbegantopoundenergeticallyupthestaircase,asthoughthemiddleclassesofEnglandwereinpursuit。Shedidnotstopuntilshehadslammedherbedroomdoorbehindthem。

  “Well,whatdidyouthinkofit?“shedemanded,pantingslightly。

  AllthedisgustandhorrorwhichRachelhadbeenaccumulatingburstforthbeyondhercontrol。

  “IthoughtitthemostloathsomeexhibitionI’deverseen!“

  shebrokeout。“Howcanthey——howdarethey——whatdoyoumeanbyit——

  Mr。Bax,hospitalnurses,oldmen,prostitutes,disgusting——“

  Shehitoffthepointssherememberedasfastasshecould,butshewastooindignanttostoptoanalyseherfeelings。Mrs。Flushingwatchedherwithkeengustoasshestoodejaculatingwithemphaticmovementsofherheadandhandsinthemiddleoftheroom。

  “Goon,goon,dogoon,“shelaughed,clappingherhands。

  “It’sdelightfultohearyou!“

  “Butwhydoyougo?“Racheldemanded。

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