第11章
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  Shewasnotabletofollowupherobservations,however,ortocometoanyconclusion,forbyoneofthoseaccidentswhichareliabletohappenatsea,thewholecourseoftheirliveswasnowputoutoforder。

  Evenatteathefloorrosebeneaththeirfeetandpitchedtoolowagain,andatdinnertheshipseemedtogroanandstrainasthoughalashweredescending。Shewhohadbeenabroad-backeddray-horse,uponwhosehind-quarterspierrotsmightwaltz,becameacoltinafield。Theplatesslantedawayfromtheknives,andMrs。Dalloway’sfaceblanchedforasecondasshehelpedherselfandsawthepotatoesrollthiswayandthat。Willoughby,ofcourse,extolledthevirtuesofhisship,andquotedwhathadbeensaidofherbyexpertsanddistinguishedpassengers,forhelovedhisownpossessions。Still,dinnerwasuneasy,anddirectlytheladieswerealoneClarissaownedthatshewouldbebetteroffinbed,andwent,smilingbravely。

  Nextmorningthestormwasonthem,andnopolitenesscouldignoreit。

  Mrs。Dallowaystayedinherroom。Richardfacedthreemeals,eatingvaliantlyateach;butatthethird,certainglazedasparagusswimminginoilfinallyconqueredhim。

  “Thatbeatsme,“hesaid,andwithdrew。

  “Nowwearealoneoncemore,“remarkedWilliamPepper,lookingroundthetable;butnoonewasreadytoengagehimintalk,andthemealendedinsilence。

  Onthefollowingdaytheymet——butasflyingleavesmeetintheair。

  Sicktheywerenot;butthewindpropelledthemhastilyintorooms,violentlydownstairs。Theypassedeachothergaspingondeck;theyshoutedacrosstables。Theyworefurcoats;andHelenwasneverseenwithoutabandannaonherhead。Forcomforttheyretreatedtotheircabins,wherewithtightlywedgedfeettheylettheshipbounceandtumble。

  Theirsensationswerethesensationsofpotatoesinasackonagallopinghorse。Theworldoutsidewasmerelyaviolentgreytumult。

  Fortwodaystheyhadaperfectrestfromtheiroldemotions。

  Rachelhadjustenoughconsciousnesstosupposeherselfadonkeyonthesummitofamoorinahail-storm,withitscoatblownintofurrows;

  thenshebecameawizenedtree,perpetuallydrivenbackbythesaltAtlanticgale。

  Helen,ontheotherhand,staggeredtoMrs。Dalloway’sdoor,knocked,couldnotbeheardfortheslammingofdoorsandthebatteringofwind,andentered。

  Therewerebasins,ofcourse。Mrs。Dallowaylayhalf-raisedonapillow,anddidnotopenhereyes。Thenshemurmured,“Oh,Dick,isthatyou?“

  Helenshouted——forshewasthrownagainstthewashstand——“Howareyou?“

  Clarissaopenedoneeye。Itgaveheranincrediblydissipatedappearance。

  “Awful!“shegasped。Herlipswerewhiteinside。

  Plantingherfeetwide,Helencontrivedtopourchampagneintoatumblerwithatooth-brushinit。

  “Champagne,“shesaid。

  “There’satooth-brushinit,“murmuredClarissa,andsmiled;

  itmighthavebeenthecontortionofoneweeping。Shedrank。

  “Disgusting,“shewhispered,indicatingthebasins。Relicsofhumourstillplayedoverherfacelikemoonshine。

  “Wantmore?“Helenshouted。SpeechwasagainbeyondClarissa’sreach。

  Thewindlaidtheshipshiveringonherside。PaleagoniescrossedMrs。Dallowayinwaves。Whenthecurtainsflapped,greylightspuffedacrossher。Betweenthespasmsofthestorm,Helenmadethecurtainfast,shookthepillows,stretchedthebed-clothes,andsmoothedthehotnostrilsandforeheadwithcoldscent。

  “You_are_good!“Clarissagasped。“Horridmess!“

  Shewastryingtoapologiseforwhiteunderclothesfallenandscatteredonthefloor。Foronesecondsheopenedasingleeye,andsawthattheroomwastidy。

  “That’snice,“shegasped。

  Helenlefther;far,farawaysheknewthatshefeltakindoflikingforMrs。Dalloway。Shecouldnothelprespectingherspiritandherdesire,eveninthethroesofsickness,foratidybedroom。

  Herpetticoats,however,roseaboveherknees。

  Quitesuddenlythestormrelaxeditsgrasp。Ithappenedattea;

  theexpectedparoxysmoftheblastgaveoutjustasitreacheditsclimaxanddwindledaway,andtheshipinsteadoftakingtheusualplungewentsteadily。Themonotonousorderofplungingandrising,roaringandrelaxing,wasinterferedwith,andeveryoneattablelookedupandfeltsomethingloosenwithinthem。

  Thestrainwasslackenedandhumanfeelingsbegantopeepagain,astheydowhendaylightshowsattheendofatunnel。

  “Tryaturnwithme,“RidleycalledacrosstoRachel。“

  “Foolish!“criedHelen,buttheywentstumblinguptheladder。

  Chokedbythewindtheirspiritsrosewitharush,forontheskirtsofallthegreytumultwasamistyspotofgold。Instantlytheworlddroppedintoshape;theywerenolongeratomsflyinginthevoid,butpeopleridingatriumphantshiponthebackofthesea。

  Windandspacewerebanished;theworldfloatedlikeanappleinatub,andthemindofman,whichhadbeenunmooredalso,oncemoreattacheditselftotheoldbeliefs。

  Havingscrambledtwiceroundtheshipandreceivedmanysoundcuffsfromthewind,theysawasailor’sfacepositivelyshinegolden。

  Theylooked,andbeheldacompleteyellowcircleofsun;nextminuteitwastraversedbysailingstandsofcloud,andthencompletelyhidden。

  Bybreakfastthenextmorning,however,theskywassweptclean,thewaves,althoughsteep,wereblue,andaftertheirviewofthestrangeunder-world,inhabitedbyphantoms,peoplebegantoliveamongtea-potsandloavesofbreadwithgreaterzestthanever。

  RichardandClarissa,however,stillremainedontheborderland。

  Shedidnotattempttositup;herhusbandstoodonhisfeet,contemplatedhiswaistcoatandtrousers,shookhishead,andthenlaydownagain。Theinsideofhisbrainwasstillrisingandfallingliketheseaonthestage。Atfouro’clockhewokefromsleepandsawthesunlightmakeavividangleacrosstheredplushcurtainsandthegreytweedtrousers。Theordinaryworldoutsideslidintohismind,andbythetimehewasdressedhewasanEnglishgentlemanagain。

  Hestoodbesidehiswife。Shepulledhimdowntoherbythelapelofhiscoat,kissedhim,andheldhimfastforaminute。

  “Goandgetabreathofair,Dick,“shesaid。“Youlookquitewashedout……Howniceyousmell!……Andbepolitetothatwoman。

  Shewassokindtome。“

  ThereuponMrs。Dallowayturnedtothecoolsideofherpillow,terriblyflattenedbutstillinvincible。

  RichardfoundHelentalkingtoherbrother-in-law,overtwodishesofyellowcakeandsmoothbreadandbutter。

  “Youlookveryill!“sheexclaimedonseeinghim。“Comeandhavesometea。“

  Heremarkedthatthehandsthatmovedaboutthecupswerebeautiful。

  “Ihearyou’vebeenverygoodtomywife,“hesaid。“She’shadanawfultimeofit。Youcameinandfedherwithchampagne。

  Wereyouamongthesavedyourself?“

  “I?Oh,Ihaven’tbeensickfortwentyyears——sea-sick,Imean。“

  “Therearethreestagesofconvalescence,Ialwayssay,“

  brokeintheheartyvoiceofWilloughby。“Themilkstage,thebread-and-butterstage,andtheroast-beefstage。Ishouldsayyouwereatthebread-and-butterstage。“Hehandedhimtheplate。

  “Now,Ishouldadviseaheartytea,thenabriskwalkondeck;

  andbydinner-timeyou’llbeclamouringforbeef,eh?“Hewentofflaughing,excusinghimselfonthescoreofbusiness。

  “Whatasplendidfellowheis!“saidRichard。“Alwayskeenonsomething。“

  “Yes,“saidHelen,“he’salwaysbeenlikethat。“

  “Thisisagreatundertakingofhis,“Richardcontinued。

  “It’sabusinessthatwon’tstopwithships,Ishouldsay。

  WeshallseehiminParliament,orI’mmuchmistaken。He’sthekindofmanwewantinParliament——themanwhohasdonethings。“

  ButHelenwasnotmuchinterestedinherbrother-in-law。

  “Iexpectyourhead’saching,isn’tit?“sheasked,pouringafreshcup。

  “Well,itis,“saidRichard。“It’shumiliatingtofindwhataslaveoneistoone’sbodyinthisworld。D’youknow,Icanneverworkwithoutakettleonthehob。AsoftenasnotIdon’tdrinktea,butImustfeelthatIcanifIwantto。“

  “That’sverybadforyou,“saidHelen。

  “Itshortensone’slife;butI’mafraid,Mrs。Ambrose,wepoliticiansmustmakeupourmindstothatattheoutset。We’vegottoburnthecandleatbothends,or——“

  “You’vecookedyourgoose!“saidHelenbrightly。

  “Wecan’tmakeyoutakeusseriously,Mrs。Ambrose,“heprotested。

  “MayIaskhowyou’vespentyourtime?Reading——philosophy?“Hesawtheblackbook。“Metaphysicsandfishing!“heexclaimed。“IfIhadtoliveagainIbelieveIshoulddevotemyselftooneortheother。“

  Hebeganturningthepages。

  “’Good,then,isindefinable,’“hereadout。“Howjollytothinkthat’sgoingonstill!’SofarasIknowthereisonlyoneethicalwriter,ProfessorHenrySidgwick,whohasclearlyrecognisedandstatedthisfact。’That’sjustthekindofthingweusedtotalkaboutwhenwewereboys。IcanrememberarguinguntilfiveinthemorningwithDuffy——nowSecretaryforIndia——pacingroundandroundthosecloistersuntilwedecideditwastoolatetogotobed,andwewentforarideinstead。Whetherweevercametoanyconclusion——

  that’sanothermatter。Still,it’sthearguingthatcounts。

  It’sthingslikethatthatstandoutinlife。Nothing’sbeenquitesovividsince。It’sthephilosophers,it’sthescholars,“

  hecontinued,“they’rethepeoplewhopassthetorch,whokeepthelightburningbywhichwelive。Beingapoliticiandoesn’tnecessarilyblindonetothat,Mrs。Ambrose。“

  “No。Whyshouldit?“saidHelen。“Butcanyourememberifyourwifetakessugar?“

  SheliftedthetrayandwentoffwithittoMrs。Dalloway。

  Richardtwistedamufflertwiceroundhisthroatandstruggledupondeck。Hisbody,whichhadgrownwhiteandtenderinadarkroom,tingledalloverinthefreshair。Hefelthimselfamanundoubtedlyintheprimeoflife。Prideglowedinhiseyeasheletthewindbuffethimandstoodfirm。Withhisheadslightlyloweredhesheeredroundcorners,strodeuphill,andmettheblast。Therewasacollision。Forasecondhecouldnotseewhatthebodywashehadruninto。“Sorry。““Sorry。“ItwasRachelwhoapologised。

  Theybothlaughed,toomuchblownabouttospeak。Shedroveopenthedoorofherroomandsteppedintoitscalm。Inordertospeaktoher,itwasnecessarythatRichardshouldfollow。Theystoodinawhirlpoolofwind;papersbeganflyingroundincircles,thedoorcrashedto,andtheytumbled,laughing,intochairs。

  RichardsatuponBach。

  “Myword!Whatatempest!“heexclaimed。

  “Fine,isn’tit?“saidRachel。Certainlythestruggleandwindhadgivenheradecisionshelacked;redwasinhercheeks,andherhairwasdown。

  “Oh,whatfun!“hecried。“WhatamIsittingon?Isthisyourroom?

  Howjolly!““There——sitthere,“shecommanded。Cowperslidoncemore。

  “Howjollytomeetagain,“saidRichard。“Itseemsanage。

  _Cowper’s__Letters>?……Bach?……_Wuthering__Heights_?……Isthiswhereyoumeditateontheworld,andthencomeoutandposepoorpoliticianswithquestions?Intheintervalsofsea-sicknessI’vethoughtalotofourtalk。Iassureyou,youmademethink。“

  “Imadeyouthink!Butwhy?“

  “Whatsolitaryicebergsweare,MissVinrace!Howlittlewecancommunicate!TherearelotsofthingsIshouldliketotellyouabout——tohearyouropinionof。HaveyoueverreadBurke?“

  “Burke?“sherepeated。“WhowasBurke?“

  “No?Well,thenIshallmakeapointofsendingyouacopy。

  _The__Speech__on__the__French__Revolution_——_The_

  _American__Rebellion_?Whichshallitbe,Iwonder?“Henotedsomethinginhispocket-book。“Andthenyoumustwriteandtellmewhatyouthinkofit。Thisreticence——thisisolation——that’swhat’sthematterwithmodernlife!Now,tellmeaboutyourself。

  Whatareyourinterestsandoccupations?Ishouldimaginethatyouwereapersonwithverystronginterests。Ofcourseyouare!

  GoodGod!WhenIthinkoftheagewelivein,withitsopportunitiesandpossibilities,themassofthingstobedoneandenjoyed——

  whyhaven’twetenlivesinsteadofone?Butaboutyourself?“

  “Yousee,I’mawoman,“saidRachel。

  “Iknow——Iknow,“saidRichard,throwinghisheadback,anddrawinghisfingersacrosshiseyes。

  “Howstrangetobeawoman!Ayoungandbeautifulwoman,“

  hecontinuedsententiously,“hasthewholeworldatherfeet。

  That’strue,MissVinrace。Youhaveaninestimablepower——forgoodorforevil。Whatcouldn’tyoudo——“hebrokeoff。

  “What?“askedRachel。

  “Youhavebeauty,“hesaid。Theshiplurched。Rachelfellslightlyforward。Richardtookherinhisarmsandkissedher。

  Holdinghertight,hekissedherpassionately,sothatshefeltthehardnessofhisbodyandtheroughnessofhischeekprinteduponhers。Shefellbackinherchair,withtremendousbeatsoftheheart,eachofwhichsentblackwavesacrosshereyes。

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