第60章
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  TheconsequencesofthiscontemplativehabitonthepartoftheExecutive-ahabittobelookedforinahermit,butnotinaPoliceSystem-arefamiliartousall。TheRuffianbecomesoneoftheestablishedordersofthebodypolitic。UndertheplayfulnameofRoughasifheweremerelyapracticaljokerhismovementsandsuccessesarerecordedonpublicoccasions。Whetherhemusteredinlargenumbers,orsmall;whetherhewasingoodspirits,ordepressed;whetherheturnedhisgenerousexertionstoveryprosperousaccount,orFortunewasagainsthim;whetherhewasinasanguinarymood,orrobbedwithamiablehorse-playandagraciousconsiderationforlifeandlimb;allthisischronicledasifhewereanInstitution。IsthereanycityinEurope,outofEngland,inwhichthesetermsareheldwiththepestsofSociety?Orinwhich,atthisday,suchviolentrobberiesfromthepersonareconstantlycommittedasinLondon?

  ThePreparatorySchoolsofRuffianismaresimilarlybornewith。

  TheyoungRuffiansofLondon-notThievesyet,buttrainingforscholarshipsandfellowshipsintheCriminalCourtUniversities-

  molestquietpeopleandtheirproperty,toanextentthatishardlycredible。Thethrowingofstonesinthestreetshasbecomeadangerousanddestructiveoffence,whichsurelycouldhavegottonogreaterheightthoughwehadhadnoPolicebutourownriding-

  whipsandwalking-sticks-thePolicetowhichImyselfappealontheseoccasions。Thethrowingofstonesatthewindowsofrailwaycarriagesinmotion-anactofwantonwickednesswiththeveryArch-Fiend’shandinit-hadbecomeacryingevil,whentherailwaycompaniesforceditonPolicenotice。Constabularcontemplationhaduntilthenbeentheorderoftheday。

  Withinthesetwelvemonths,therearoseamongtheyounggentlemenofLondonaspiringtoRuffianism,andcultivatingthatmuch-

  encouragedsocialart,afacetiouscryof’I’llhavethis!’

  accompaniedwithaclutchatsomearticleofapassinglady’sdress。Ihaveknownalady’sveiltobethushumorouslytornfromherfaceandcarriedoffintheopenstreetsatnoon;andIhavehadthehonourofmyselfgivingchase,onWestminsterBridge,toanotheryoungRuffian,who,infulldaylightearlyonasummerevening,hadnearlythrownamodestyoungwomanintoaswoonofindignationandconfusion,byhisshamefulmannerofattackingherwiththiscryassheharmlesslypassedalongbeforeme。MR。

  CARLYLE,sometimesince,awakenedalittlepleasantrybywritingofhisownexperienceoftheRuffianofthestreets。IhaveseentheRuffianactinexactaccordancewithMr。Carlyle’sdescription,innumerabletimes,andIneversawhimchecked。

  Theblaringuseoftheveryworstlanguagepossible,inourpublicthoroughfares-especiallyinthosesetapartforrecreation-isanotherdisgracetous,andanotherresultofconstabularcontemplation,thelikeofwhichIhaveneverheardinanyothercountrytowhichmyuncommercialtravelshaveextended。Yearsago,whenIhadanearinterestincertainchildrenwhoweresentwiththeirnurses,forairandexercise,intotheRegent’sPark,Ifoundthiseviltobesoabhorrentandhorriblethere,thatIcalledpublicattentiontoit,andalsotoitscontemplativereceptionbythePolice。LookingafterwardsintothenewestPoliceAct,andfindingthattheoffencewaspunishableunderit,Iresolved,whenstrikingoccasionshouldarise,totrymyhandasprosecutor。Theoccasionarosesoonenough,andIranthefollowinggauntlet。

  Theuttererofthebasecoininquestionwasagirlofseventeenoreighteen,who,withasuitableattendanceofblackguards,youths,andboys,wasflauntingalongthestreets,returningfromanIrishfuneral,inaProgressinterspersedwithsinginganddancing。Shehadturnedroundtomeandexpressedherselfinthemostaudiblemanner,tothegreatdelightofthatselectcircle。Iattendedtheparty,ontheoppositesideoftheway,foramilefurther,andthenencounteredaPolice-constable。Thepartyhadmadethemselvesmerryatmyexpenseuntilnow,butseeingmespeaktotheconstable,itsmalemembersinstantlytooktotheirheels,leavingthegirlalone。Iaskedtheconstabledidheknowmyname?Yes,hedid。’Takethatgirlintocustody,onmycharge,forusingbadlanguageinthestreets。’Hehadneverheardofsuchacharge。I

  had。Wouldhetakemywordthatheshouldgetintonotrouble?

  Yes,sir,hewoulddothat。Sohetookthegirl,andIwenthomeformyPoliceAct。

  Withthispotentinstrumentinmypocket,Iliterallyaswellasfiguratively’returnedtothecharge,’andpresentedmyselfatthePoliceStationofthedistrict。There,IfoundondutyaveryintelligentInspectortheyareallintelligentmen,who,likewise,hadneverheardofsuchacharge。Ishowedhimmyclause,andwewentoverittogethertwiceorthrice。Itwasplain,andIengagedtowaituponthesuburbanMagistrateto-morrowmorningatteno’clock。

  InthemorningIputmyPoliceActinmypocketagain,andwaitedonthesuburbanMagistrate。IwasnotquitesocourteouslyreceivedbyhimasIshouldhavebeenbyTheLordChancellororTheLordChiefJustice,butthatwasaquestionofgoodbreedingonthesuburbanMagistrate’spart,andIhadmyclausereadywithitsleafturneddown。WhichwasenoughforME。

  ConferencetookplacebetweentheMagistrateandclerkrespectingthecharge。DuringconferenceIwasevidentlyregardedasamuchmoreobjectionablepersonthantheprisoner;-onegivingtroublebycomingtherevoluntarily,whichtheprisonercouldnotbeaccusedofdoing。Theprisonerhadbeengotup,sinceIlasthadthepleasureofseeingher,withagreateffectofwhiteapronandstrawbonnet。SheremindedmeofaneldersisterofRedRidingHood,andIseemedtoremindthesympathisingChimneySweepbywhomshewasattended,oftheWolf。

  TheMagistratewasdoubtful,Mr。UncommercialTraveller,whetherthischargecouldbeentertained。Itwasnotknown。Mr。

  UncommercialTravellerrepliedthathewisheditwerebetterknown,andthat,ifhecouldaffordtheleisure,hewouldusehisendeavourstomakeitso。Therewasnoquestionaboutit,however,hecontended。Herewastheclause。

  Theclausewashandedin,andmoreconferenceresulted。AfterwhichIwasaskedtheextraordinaryquestion:’Mr。Uncommercial,doyoureallywishthisgirltobesenttoprison?’TowhichI

  grimlyanswered,staring:’IfIdidn’t,whyshouldItakethetroubletocomehere?’Finally,Iwassworn,andgavemyagreeableevidenceindetail,andWhiteRidingHoodwasfinedtenshillings,undertheclause,orsenttoprisonforsomanydays。’Why,Lordblessyou,sir,’saidthePolice-officer,whoshowedmeout,withagreatenjoymentofthejestofherhavingbeengotupsoeffectively,andcausedsomuchhesitation:’ifshegoestoprison,thatwillbenothingnewtoHER。ShecomesfromCharlesStreet,DruryLane!’

  ThePolice,allthingsconsidered,areanexcellentforce,andI

  havebornemysmalltestimonytotheirmerits。Constabularcontemplationistheresultofabadsystem;asystemwhichisadministered,notinvented,bythemaninconstable’suniform,employedattwentyshillingsaweek。Hehashisorders,andwouldbemarkedfordiscouragementifheoversteppedthem。Thatthesystemisbad,thereneedsnolengthenedargumenttoprove,becausethefactisself-evident。Ifitwereanythingelse,theresultsthathaveattendeditcouldnotpossiblyhavecometopass。Whowillsaythatunderagoodsystem,ourstreetscouldhavegotintotheirpresentstate?

  TheobjectiontothewholePolicesystem,asconcerningtheRuffian,maybestated,anditsfailureexemplified,asfollows。

  Itiswellknownthatonallgreatoccasions,whentheycometogetherinnumbers,themassoftheEnglishpeoplearetheirowntrustworthyPolice。Itiswellknownthatwheresoeverthereiscollectedtogetheranyfairgeneralrepresentationofthepeople,arespectforlawandorder,andadeterminationtodiscountenancelawlessnessanddisorder,maybereliedupon。Astooneanother,thepeopleareaverygoodPolice,andyetarequitewillingintheirgood-naturethatthestipendiaryPoliceshouldhavethecreditofthepeople’smoderation。ButweareallofuspowerlessagainsttheRuffian,becausewesubmittothelaw,anditishisonlytrade,bysuperiorforceandbyviolence,todefyit。

  Moreover,weareconstantlyadmonishedfromhighplaceslikesomanySunday-schoolchildrenoutforaholidayofbunsandmilk-and-

  waterthatwearenottotakethelawintoourownhands,butaretohandourdefenceovertoit。ItisclearthatthecommonenemytobepunishedandexterminatedfirstofallistheRuffian。Itisclearthatheis,ofallothers,THEoffenderforwhoserepressalwemaintainacostlysystemofPolice。Him,therefore,weexpresslypresenttothePolicetodealwith,consciousthat,onthewhole,wecan,anddo,dealreasonablywellwithoneanother。

  HimthePolicedealwithsoinefficientlyandabsurdlythatheflourishes,andmultiplies,and,withallhisevildeedsuponhisheadasnotoriouslyashishatis,pervadesthestreetswithnomoreletorhindrancethanourselves。

  MyjourneysasUncommercialTravellerforthefirmofHuman-

  InterestBrothershavenotslackenedsinceIlastreportedofthem,buthavekeptmecontinuallyonthemove。Iremaininthesameidleemployment。Ineversolicitanorder,Inevergetanycommission,Iamtherollingstonethatgathersnomoss,-unlessanyshouldbychancebefoundamongthesesamples。

  Somehalfayearago,Ifoundmyselfinmyidlest,dreamiest,andleastaccountableconditionaltogether,onboardship,intheharbourofthecityofNewYork,intheUnitedStatesofAmerica。

  Ofallthegoodshipsafloat,minewasthegoodsteamship’RUSSIA,’

  CAPT。COOK,CunardLine,boundforLiverpool。WhatmorecouldI

  wishfor?

  Ihadnothingtowishforbutaprosperouspassage。Mysalad-days,whenIwasgreenofvisageandsea-sick,beinggonewithbetterthingsandnoworse,nocomingeventcastitsshadowbefore。

  ImightbutafewmomentspreviouslyhaveimitatedSterne,andsaid,’“Andyet,methinks,Eugenius,“-layingmyforefingerwistfullyonhiscoat-sleeve,thus,-“andyet,methinks,Eugenius,’tisbutsorryworktopartwiththee,forwhatfreshfields,

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