第7章
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  MynewpicturesarrivedlastweekontheGascogne。ThePuvisdeChavannesisevenmorebeautifulthanIthoughtitinParis。Apaledream-maidensitsbyapaledream-cowandastreamofanemicwaterflowsatherfeet。TheConstant,youwillremember,Igotbecauseyouadmiredit。Itishereinallitsfloridsplendour,thewholedominatedbyaglowingsensuosity。Thedraperyofthefemalefigureisaswonderfulasyousaid;thefabricallbarbaricpearlandgold,paintedwithaneasy,effortlessvoluptuousness,andthatwhite,gleaminglineofAfricancoastinthebackgroundrecallsmemoriesofyouveryprecioustome。ButitisuselesstodenythatConstantirritatesme。ThoughIcannotprovethechargeagainsthim,hisbrilliancyalwaysmakesmesuspecthimofcheapness。

  HereMargaretstoppedandglancedattheremainingpagesofthisstrangelove-letter。Theyseemedtobefilledchieflywithdiscussionsofpicturesandbooks,andwithaslowsmileshelaidthemby。

  Sheroseandbeganundressing。Beforeshelaydownshewenttoopenthewindow。Withherhandonthesill,shehesitated,feelingsuddenlyasthoughsomedangerwerelurkingoutside,someinordinatedesirewaitingtospringuponherinthedarkness。Shestoodthereforalongtime,gazingattheinfinitesweepofthesky。

  “Oh,itisallsolittle,solittlethere,“shemurmured。

  “Wheneverythingelseissodwarfed,whyshouldoneexpectlovetobegreat?Whyshouldonetrytoreadhighlycolouredsuggestionsintoalifelikethat?IfonlyIcouldfindonethinginitallthatmatteredgreatly,onethingthatwouldwarmmewhenIamalone!Willlifenevergivemethatonegreatmoment?“

  Assheraisedthewindow,sheheardasoundintheplumbushesoutside。Itwasonlythehouse-dogrousedfromhissleep,butMargaretstartedviolentlyandtrembledsothatshecaughtthefootofthebedforsupport。Againshefeltherselfpursuedbysomeoverwhelminglonging,somedesperatenecessityforherself,liketheoutstretchingofhelpless,unseenarmsinthedarkness,andtheairseemedheavywithsighsofyearning。Shefledtoherbedwiththewords,“IloveyoumorethanChristwhodiedforme!“ringinginherears。

  AboutmidnightthedanceatLockhart’swasatitsheight。

  Eventheoldmenwhohadcometo“lookon“caughtthespiritofrevelryandstampedthefloorwiththevigorofoldSilenus。ErictooktheviolinfromtheFrenchmen,andMinnaOlesonsatattheorgan,andthemusicgrewmoreandmorecharacteristic——rude,halfmournfulmusic,madeupofthefolksongsoftheNorth,thatthevillagerssingthroughthelongnightinhamletsbythesea,whentheyarethinkingofthesun,andthespring,andthefishermensolongaway。ToMargaretsomeofitsoundedlikeGrieg’sPeerGyntmusic。Shefoundsomethingirresistiblyinfectiousinthemirthofthesepeoplewhoweresoseldommerry,andshefeltalmostoneofthem。Somethingseemedstrugglingforfreedominthemtonight,somethingofthejoyouschildhoodofthenationswhichexilehadnotkilled。Thegirlswereallboisterouswithdelight。Pleasurecametothembutrarely,andwhenitcame,theycaughtatitwildlyandcrusheditsflutteringwingsintheirstrongbrownfingers。Theyhadahardlifeenough,mostofthem。

  Torridsummersandfreezingwinters,labouranddrudgeryandignorance,weretheportionoftheirgirlhood;ashortwooing,ahasty,lovelessmarriage,unlimitedmaternity,thanklesssons,prematureageandugliness,werethedoweroftheirwomanhood。Butwhatmatter?Tonighttherewashotliquorintheglassandhotbloodintheheart;tonighttheydanced。

  TonightEricHermannsonhadrenewedhisyouth。Hewasnolongerthebig,silentNorwegianwhohadsatatMargaret’sfeetandlookedhopelesslyintohereyes。Tonighthewasaman,withaman’srightsandaman’spower。TonighthewasSiegfriedindeed。

  Hishairwasyellowastheheavywheatintheripeofsummer,andhiseyesflashedlikethebluewaterbetweentheicepacksinthenorthseas。HewasnotafraidofMargarettonight,andwhenhedancedwithherheheldherfirmly。Shewastiredanddraggedonhisarmalittle,butthestrengthofthemanwaslikeanall-

  pervadingfluid,stealingthroughherveins,awakeningunderherheartsomenameless,unsuspectedexistencethathadslumberedtherealltheseyearsandthatwentoutthroughherthrobbingfingertipstohisthatanswered。Shewonderedifthehoydenishbloodofsomelawlessancestor,longasleep,werecallingoutinhertonight,somedropofahotterfluidthatthecenturieshadfailedtocool,andwhy,ifthiscursewereinher,ithadnotspokenbefore。Butwasitacurse,thisawakening,thiswealthbeforeundiscovered,thismusicsetfree?Forthefirsttimeinherlifeherheartheldsomethingstrongerthanherself,wasnotthisworthwhile?Thensheceasedtowonder。Shelostsightofthelightsandthefacesandthemusicwasdrownedbythebeatingofherownarteries。Shesawonlytheblueeyesthatflashedaboveher,feltonlythewarmthofthatthrobbinghandwhichheldhersandwhichthebloodofhisheartfed。Dimly,asinadream,shesawthedroopingshoulders,highwhiteforeheadandtight,cynicalmouthofthemanshewastomarryinDecember。Foranhourshehadbeencrowdingbackthememoryofthatfacewithallherstrength。

  “Letusstop,thisisenough,“shewhispered。Hisonlyanswerwastotightenthearmbehindher。Shesighedandletthatmasterfulstrengthbearherwhereitwould。Sheforgotthatthismanwaslittlemorethanasavage,thattheywouldpartatdawn。

  Thebloodhasnomemories,noreflections,noregretsforthepast,noconsiderationofthefuture。

  “Letusgooutwhereitiscooler,“shesaidwhenthemusicstopped;thinking,Iamgrowingfainthere,Ishallbeallrightintheopenair。Theysteppedoutintothecool,blueairofthenight。

  Sincetheolderfolkhadbegundancing,theyoungNorwegianshadbeenslippingoutincouplestoclimbthewindmilltowerintothecooleratmosphere,asistheircustom。

  “Youliketogoup?“askedEric,closetoherear。

  Sheturnedandlookedathimwithsuppressedamusement。“Howhighisit?“

  “Fortyfeet,about。Inotletyoufall。“Therewasanoteofirresistiblepleadinginhisvoice,andshefeltthathetremendouslywishedhertogo。Well,whynot?Thiswasanightoftheunusual,whenshewasnotherselfatall,butwaslivinganunreality。Tomorrow,yes,inafewhours,therewouldbetheVestibuleLimitedandtheworld。

  “Well,ifyou’lltakegoodcareofme。Iusedtobeabletoclimb,whenIwasalittlegirl。“

  Onceatthetopandseatedontheplatform,theyweresilent。

  Margaretwonderedifshewouldnothungerforthatsceneallherlife,throughalltheroutineofthedaystocome。AbovethemstretchedthegreatWesternsky,serenelyblue,eveninthenight,withitsbig,burningstars,neversocoldanddeadandfarawayasindenseratmospheres。Themoonwouldnotbeupfortwentyminutesyet,andallaboutthehorizon,thatwidehorizon,whichseemedtoreacharoundtheworld,lingeredapalewhitelight,asofauniversaldawn。Thewearywindbroughtuptothemtheheavyodoursofthecornfields。Themusicofthedancesoundedfaintlyfrombelow。Ericleanedonhiselbowbesideher,hislegsswingingdownontheladder。HisgreatshoulderslookedmorethaneverlikethoseofthestoneDoryphorus,whostandsinhisperfect,reposefulstrengthintheLouvre,andhadoftenmadeherwonderifsuchmendiedforeverwiththeyouthofGreece。

  “Howsweetthecornsmellsatnight,“saidMargaretnervously。

  “Yes,liketheflowersthatgrowinparadise,Ithink。“

  Shewassomewhatstartledbythisreply,andmorestartledwhenthistaciturnmanspokeagain。

  “Yougoawaytomorrow?“

  “Yes,wehavestayedlongerthanwethoughttonow。“

  “Younotcomebackanymore?“

  “No,Iexpectnot。Yousee,itisalongtriphalfwayacrossthecontinent。“

  “Yousoonforgetaboutthiscountry,Iguess。“Itseemedtohimnowalittlethingtolosehissoulforthiswoman,butthatsheshouldutterlyforgetthisnightintowhichhethrewallhislifeandallhiseternity,thatwasabitterthought。

  “No,Eric,Iwillnotforget。Youhaveallbeentookindtomeforthat。Andyouwon’tbesorryyoudancedthisonenight,willyou?“

  “Ineverbesorry。Ihavenotbeensohappybefore。Inotbesohappyagain,ever。Youwillbehappymanynightsyet,Ionlythisone。Iwilldreamsometimes,maybe。“

  Themightyresignationofhistonealarmedandtouchedher。

  Itwasaswhensomegreatanimalcomposesitselffordeath,aswhenagreatshipgoesdownatsea。

  Shesighed,butdidnotanswerhim。Hedrewalittlecloserandlookedintohereyes。

  “Youarenotalwayshappy,too?“heasked。

  “No,notalways,Eric;notveryoften,Ithink。“

  “Youhaveatrouble?“

  “Yes,butIcannotputitintowords。PerhapsifIcoulddothat,Icouldcureit。“

  Heclaspedhishandstogetheroverhisheart,aschildrendowhentheypray,andsaidfalteringly,“IfIownalltheworld,Igivehimyou。“

  Margaretfeltasuddenmoistureinhereyes,andlaidherhandonhis。

  “Thankyou,Eric;Ibelieveyouwould。ButperhapseventhenIshouldnotbehappy。PerhapsIhavetoomuchofitalready。“

  Shedidnottakeherhandawayfromhim;shedidnotdare。

  Shesatstillandwaitedforthetraditionsinwhichshehadalwaysbelievedtospeakandsaveher。Buttheyweredumb。Shebelongedtoanultra-refinedcivilizationwhichtriestocheatnaturewithelegantsophistries。Cheatnature?Bah!Onegenerationmaydoit,perhapstwo,butthethird——Canweeverriseabovenatureorsinkbelowher?DidshenotturnonJerusalemasuponSodom,uponSt。AnthonyinhisdesertasuponNeroinhisseraglio?Doesshenotalwayscryinbrutaltriumph:“Iamherestill,atthebottomofthings,warmingtherootsoflife;youcannotstarvemenortamemenorthwartme;Imadetheworld,Iruleit,andIamitsdestiny。“

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