itbeinganunlawful，incestuousliving，addedtothataversion，
andthoughIhadnogreatconcernaboutitinpointof
conscience，yeteverythingaddedtomakecohabitingwithhim
themostnauseousthingtomeintheworld；andIthinkverily
itwascometosuchaheight，thatIcouldalmostaswillingly
haveembracedadogashavelethimofferanythingofthat
kindtome，forwhichreasonIcouldnotbearthethoughtsof
comingbetweenthesheetswithhim。
IcannotsaythatIwas
rightinpointofpolicyincarryingitsuchalength，whileatthe
sametimeIdidnotresolvetodiscoverthethingtohim；butI
amgivinganaccountofwhatwas，notofwhatoughtorought
nottobe。
Intheirdirectlyoppositeopiniontooneanothermymother
andIcontinuedalongtime，anditwasimpossibletoreconcile
ourjudgments；manydisputeswehadaboutit，butwecould
nevereitherofusyieldourown，orbringovertheother。
Iinsistedonmyaversiontolyingwithmyownbrother，and
sheinsisteduponitsbeingimpossibletobringhimtoconsent
tomygoingfromhimtoEngland；andinthisuncertaintywe
continued，notdifferingsoastoquarrel，oranythinglikeit，
butsoasnottobeabletoresolvewhatweshoulddotomake
upthatterriblebreachthatwasbeforeus。
AtlastIresolvedonadesperatecourse，andtoldmymother
myresolution，viz。that，inshort，Iwouldtellhimofitmyself。
Mymotherwasfrightedtothelastdegreeattheverythoughts
ofit；butIbidherbeeasy，toldherIwoulddoitgradually
andsoftly，andwithalltheartandgood-humourIwasmistress
of，andtimeitalsoaswellasIcould，takinghimingood-humour
too。
ItoldherIdidnotquestionbut，ifIcouldbehypocrite
enoughtofeignmoreaffectiontohimthanIreallyhad，Ishould
succeedinallmydesign，andwemightpartbyconsent，and
withagoodagreement，forImightlivehimwellenoughfor
abrother，thoughIcouldnotforahusband。
Allthiswhilehelayatmymothertofindout，ifpossible，what
wasthemeaningofthatdreadfulexpressionofmine，ashe
calledit，whichImentionedbefore:
namely，thatIwasnothis
lawfulwife，normychildrenhislegalchildren。
Mymotherput
himoff，toldhimshecouldbringmetonoexplanations，but
foundtherewassomethingthatdisturbedmeverymuch，and
shehopedsheshouldgetitoutofmeintime，andinthe
meantimerecommendedtohimearnestlytousememore
tenderly，andwinmewithhisusualgoodcarriage；toldhim
ofhis
terrifyingandaffrightingmewithhisthreatsofsending
metoamadhouse，andthelike，andadvisedhimnottomake
awomandesperateonanyaccountwhatever。
Hepromisedhertosoftenhisbehaviour，andbidherassure
methathelovedmeaswellasever，andthathehadsosuch
designasthatofsendingmetoamadhouse，whateverhemight
sayinhispassion；alsohedesiredmymothertousethesame
persuasionstometoo，thatouraffectionsmightberenewed，
andwemightlietogetherinagoodunderstandingasweused
todo。
Ifoundtheeffectsofthistreatypresently。
Myhusband’s
conductwasimmediatelyaltered，andhewasquiteanother
mantome；nothingcouldbekinderandmoreobligingthanhe
wastomeuponalloccasions；andIcoulddonolessthan
makesomereturntoit，whichIdidaswellasIcould，butit
wasbutinanawkwardmanneratbest，fornothingwasmore
frightfultomethanhiscaresses，andtheapprehensionsofbeing
withchildagainbyhimwasreadytothrowmeintofits；and
thismademeseethattherewasanabsolutenecessityofbreaking
thecasetohimwithoutanymoredelay，which，however，Idid
withallthecautionandreserveimaginable。
Hehadcontinuedhisalteredcarriagetomenearamonth，
andwebegantoliveanewkindoflifewithoneanother；and
couldIhavesatisfiedmyselftohavegoneonwithit，Ibelieve
itmighthavecontinuedaslongaswehadcontinuedalive
together。
Oneevening，asweweresittingandtalkingvery
friendlytogetherunderalittleawning，whichservedasan
arbourattheentrancefromourhouseintothegarden，hewas
inaverypleasant，agreeablehumour，andsaidabundanceof
kindthingstomerelatingtothepleasureofourpresentgood
agreement，andthedisordersofourpastbreach，andwhata
satisfactionitwastohimthatwehadroomtohopeweshould
neverhaveanymoreofit。
Ifetchedadeepsigh，andtoldhimtherewasnobodyinthe
worldcouldbemoredelightedthanIwasinthegoodagreement
wehadalwayskeptup，ormoreafflictedwiththebreachofit，
andshouldbesostill；butIwassorrytotellhimthattherewas
anunhappycircumstanceinourcase，whichlaytoocloseto
myheart，andwhichIknewnothowtobreaktohim，that
renderedmypartofitverymiserable，andtookfrommeallthe
comfortoftherest。
Heimportunedmetotellhimwhatitwas。
ItoldhimIcould
nottellhowtodoit；thatwhileitwasconcealedfromhim
Ialonewasunhappy，butifheknewitalso，weshouldbeboth
so；andthat，therefore，tokeephiminthedarkaboutitwas
thekindestthingthatIcoulddo，anditwasonthataccount
alonethatIkeptasecretfromhim，theverykeepingofwhich，
Ithought，wouldfirstorlastbemydestruction。
Itisimpossibletoexpresshissurpriseatthisrelation，andthe
doubleimportunitywhichheusedwithmetodiscoverittohim。
HetoldmeIcouldnotbecalledkindtohim，nay，Icouldnot
befaithfultohimifIconcealeditfromhim。
ItoldhimIthought
sotoo，andyetIcouldnotdoit。
HewentbacktowhatIhad
saidbeforetohim，andtoldmehehopeditdidnotrelateto
whatIhadsaidinmypassion，andthathehadresolvedto
forgetallthatastheeffectofarash，provokedspirit。
Itold
himIwishedIcouldforgetitalltoo，butthatitwasnottobe
done，theimpressionwastoodeep，andIcouldnotdoit:
it
wasimpossible。
Hethentoldmehewasresolvednottodifferwithmein
anything，andthatthereforehewouldimportunemenomore
aboutit，resolvingtoacquiesceinwhateverIdidorsaid；only
beggedIshouldthenagree，thatwhateveritwas，itshouldno
moreinterruptourquietandourmutualkindness。
Thiswasthemostprovokingthinghecouldhavesaidtome，
forIreallywantedhisfurtherimportunities，thatImightbe
prevailedwithtobringoutthatwhichindeeditwaslikedeath
tometoconceal；soIansweredhimplainlythatIcouldnot
sayIwasgladnottobeimportuned，thoughtIcouldnottell
howtocomply。
’Butcome，mydear，’saidI，’whatconditions
willyoumakewithmeupontheopeningthisaffairtoyou？’
’Anyconditionsintheworld，’saidhe，’thatyoucaninreason
desireofme。’
’Well，’saidI，’come，giveitmeunderyour
hand，thatifyoudonotfindIaminanyfault，orthatIam
willinglyconcernedinthecausesofthemisfortunethatisto
follow，youwillnotblameme，usemetheworse，domyany
injury，ormakemebethesuffererforthatwhichisnotmyfault。’
’That，’sayshe，’isthemostreasonabledemandintheworld:
nottoblameyouforthatwhichisnotyourfault。
Givemea
penandink，’sayshe；soIraninandfetchedapen，ink，and
paper，andhewrotetheconditiondownintheverywordsI
hadproposedit，andsigneditwithhisname。
“Well，’says
he，
’whatisnext，mydear？’
’Why，’saysI，’thenextis，thatyouwillnotblamemefornot
discoveringthesecretofittoyoubeforeIknewit。’
’Veryjustagain，’sayshe；’withallmyheart’；sohewrote
downthatalso，andsignedit。
’Well，mydear，’saysI，’thenIhavebutoneconditionmore
tomakewithyou，andthatis，thatasthereisnobodyconcerned
initbutyouandI，youshallnotdiscoverittoanypersonin
theworld，exceptyourownmother；andthatinallthemeasures
youshalltakeuponthediscovery，asIamequallyconcerned
initwithyou，thoughasinnocentasyourself，youshalldo
nothinginapassion，nothingtomyprejudiceortoyour
mother’sprejudice，withoutmyknowledgeandconsent。’
Thisalittleamazedhim，andhewrotedownthewordsdistinctly，
butreadthemoverandoverbeforehesignedthem，
hesitatingatthemseveraltimes，andrepeatingthem:
“My
mother’sprejudice！andyourprejudice！
Whatmysteriousthing
canthisbe？’
However，atlasthesignedit。
’Well，saysI，’mydear，I’llaskyounomoreunderyourhand；
butasyouaretohearthemostunexpectedandsurprisingthing
thatperhapseverbefellanyfamilyintheworld，Ibegyouto
promisemeyouwillreceiveitwithcomposureandapresence
ofmindsuitabletoamanofsense。’
’I’lldomyutmost，’sayshe，’uponconditionyouwillkeepme
nolongerinsuspense，foryouterrifymewithallthese
preliminaries。’
“Well，then，’saysI，’itisthis:
asItoldyoubeforeinaheat，
thatIwasnotyourlawfulwife，andthatourchildrenwerenot
legalchildren，soImustletyouknownowincalmnessandin
kindness，butwithafflictionenough，thatIamyourownsister，
andyoumyownbrother，andthatweareboththechildrenof
ourmothernowalive，andinthehouse，whoisconvincedof
thetruthofit，inamannernottobedeniedorcontradicted。’
Isawhimturnpaleandlookwild；andIsaid，’Nowremember
yourpromise，andreceiveitwithpresenceofmind；forwho
couldhavesaidmoretoprepareyouforitthanIhavedone？
However，Icalledaservant，andgothimalittleglassofrum
whichistheusualdramofthatcountry，forhewasjust
faintingaway。
Whenhewasalittlerecovered，Isaidtohim，
’Thisstory，youmaybesure，requiresalongexplanation，and
therefore，havepatienceandcomposeyourmindtohearitout，
andI’llmakeitasshortasIcan’；andwiththis，Itoldhim
whatIthoughtwasneedfulofthefact，andparticularlyhow
mymothercametodiscoverittome，asabove。
’Andnow，