byAristophanesanonymoustranslatorCHARACTERSINTHEPLAY
DEMOSTHENES
NICIAS
AGORACRITUS,aSausage—SellerCLEON
DEMOS
CHORUSOFKNIGHTS
KNIGHTS
(SCENE:—TheOrchestrarepresentsthePnyxatAthens;intheback—
groundisthehouseofDEMOS。)
DEMOSTHENES
Oh!alas!alas!alas!Oh!woe!oh!woe!MiserablePaphlagonian!
maythegodsdestroybothhimandhiscursedadvice!Sincethatevildaywhenthisnewslaveenteredthehousehehasneverceasedbelabouringuswithblows。
NICIAS
Maytheplagueseizehim,thearch—fiend—himandhislyingtales!
DEMOSTHENES
Hah!mypoorfellow,whatisyourcondition?
NICIAS
Verywretched,justlikeyourown。
DEMOSTHENES
Thencome,letussingaduetofgroansinthestyleofOlympus。
DEMOSTHENESANDNICIAS
Boo,hoo!boo,hoo!boo,hoo!boo,hoo!boo,hoo!boo,hoo!!
DEMOSTHENES
Bah!it’slostlabourtoweep!Enoughofgroaning!Letusconsidernowtosaveourpelts。
NICIAS
Buthowtodoit!Canyousuggestanything?
DEMOSTHENES
No,youbegin。Icedeyouthehonour。
NICIAS
ByApollo!no,notI。Come,havecourage!Speak,andthenIwillsaywhatIthink。
DEMOSTHENES(intragicstyle)
\"Ah!wouldyoubuttellmewhatIshouldtellyou!
NICIAS
Idarenot。HowcouldIexpressmythoughtswiththepompofEuripides?
DEMOSTHENES
Oh!pleasespareme!Donotpeltmewiththosevegetables,butfindsomewayofleavingourmaster。
NICIAS
Well,then!Say\"Let—us—bolt,\"likethis,inonebreath。
DEMOSTHENES
Ifollowyou—’Let—us—bolt。\"
NICIAS
Nowafter\"Let—us—bolt\"say\"at—top—speedDEMOSTHENES
\"At—top—speed!
NICIAS
Splendid!justasifyouweremasturbating;firstslowly,\"Let—us—bolt\";thenquickandfirmly,\"at—top—speed!\"
DEMOSTHENES
Let—us—bolt,let—us—bolt—at—top—speed!
NICIAS
Hah!doesthatnotpleaseyou?
DEMOSTHENES
Yes,indeed,yetIfearyouromenbodesnogoodtomyhide。
NICIAS
Howso?
DEMOSTHENES
Becausemasturbationchafestheskin。
NICIAS
Thebestthingwecandoforthemomentistothrowourselvesatthefeetofthestatueofsomegod。
DEMOSTHENES
Ofwhichstatue?Anystatue?Doyouthenbelievetherearegods?
NICIAS
Certainly。
DEMOSTHENES
Whatproofhaveyou?
NICIAS
Theproofthattheyhavetakenagrudgeagainstme。Isthatnotenough?
DEMOSTHENES
I’mconvinceditis。Buttopasson。Doyouconsenttomytellingthespectatorsofourtroubles?
NICIAS
There’snothingwrongwiththat,andwemightaskthemtoshowusbytheirmanner,whetherourfactsandactionsaretotheirliking。
DEMOSTHENES
Iwillbeginthen。Wehaveaverybrutalmaster,aperfectgluttonforbeans,andmostbad—tempered;it’sDemosofthePnyx,anintolerableoldmanandhalfdeaf。Thebeginningoflastmonthheboughtaslave,aPaphlagoniantanner,anarrantrogue,theincarnationofcalumny。Thismanofleatherknowshisoldmasterthoroughly;heplaysthefawningcur,flatters,cajoles,wheedles,anddupeshimatwillwithlittlescrapsofleavings,whichheallowshimtoget。\"DearDemos,\"hewillsay,\"tryasinglecaseandyouwillhavedoneenough;thentakeyourbath,eat,swallowanddevour;herearethreeobols。\"ThenthePaphlagonianfilchesfromoneofuswhatwehavepreparedandmakesapresentofittoouroldman。TheotherdayIhadjustkneadedaSpartancakeatPylos,thecunningroguecamebehindmyback,sneakeditandofferedthecake,whichwasmyinvention,inhisownname。Hekeepsusatadistanceandsuffersnonebuthimselftowaituponthemaster;whenDemosisdining,hekeepsclosetohissidewithathonginhishandandputstheoratorstoflight。Hekeepssingingoraclestohim,sothattheoldmannowthinksofnothingbuttheSibyl。Then,whenheseeshimthoroughlyobfuscated,heusesallhiscunningandpilesupliesandcalumniesagainstthehousehold;thenwearescourgedandthePaphlagonianrunsaboutamongtheslavestodemandcontributionswiththreatsandgatherstheminwithbothhands。Hewillsay,\"YouseehowIhavehadHylasbeaten!Eithercontentmeordieatonce!\"Weareforcedtogive,forotherwisetheoldmantramplesonusandmakesuscrapforthallourbodycontains。(ToNICIAS)Theremustbeanendtoit,friendLetussee!whatcanbedone?Whowillgetusoutofthismess?
NICIAS
Thebestthing,friend,isourfamous\"Let—us—bolt!\"
DEMOSTHENES
ButnonecanescapethePaphlagonian,hiseyeiseverywhere。Andwhatastride!HehasonelegonPylosandtheotherintheAssembly;hisarsegapesexactlyoverthelandoftheChaonians,hishandsarewiththeAetoliansandhismindwiththeClopidians。
NICIAS
It’sbestthentodie;butletusseekthemostheroicdeath。
DEMOSTHENES
Letmethink,whatisthemostheroic?
NICIAS
Letusdrinkthebloodofabull;that’sthedeathThemistocleschose。
DEMOSTHENES
No,notthat,butabumperofgoodunmixedwineinhonouroftheGoodGenius;perchancewemaystumbleonahappythought。
NICIAS
Lookathim!\"Unmixedwine!\"Yourmindisondrinkintent?Canamanstrikeoutabrilliantthoughtwhendrunk?
DEMOSTHENES
Withoutquestion。Go,ninny,blowyourselfoutwithwater;doyoudaretoaccusewineofcloudingthereason?Quotememoremarvellouseffectsthanthoseofwine。Look!whenamandrinks,heisrich,everythinghetouchessucceeds,hegainslawsuits,ishappyandhelpshisfriends。Come,bringhitherquickaflagonofwine,thatImaysoakmybrainandgetaningeniousidea。
NICIAS
MyGod!Whatcanyourdrinkingdotohelpus?
DEMOSTHENES
Much。Butbringittome,whileItakemyseat。Oncedrunk,I
shallstrewlittleideas,littlephrases,littlereasoningseverywhere。
(NICIASentersthehouseandreturnsalmostimmediatelywithabottle。)
NICIAS
ItisluckyIwasnotcaughtinthehousestealingthewine。
DEMOSTHENES
Tellme,whatisthePaphlagoniandoingnow?
NICIAS
Thewretchhasjustgobbledupsomeconfiscatedcakes;heisdrunkandliesatfull—lengthsnoringonhishides。
DEMOSTHENES
Verywell,comealong,pourmeoutwineandplentyofit。
NICIAS
TakeitandofferalibationtoyourGoodGenius。
DEMOSTHENES(tohimself)
Inhale,ah,inhalethespiritofthegeniusofPramnium。(Hedrinks。Inspiredly)Ah!GoodGenius,thinetheplan,notmine!
NICIAS
Tellme,whatisit?
DEMOSTHENES
RunindoorsquickandstealtheoraclesofthePaphlagonian,whileheisasleep。
NICIAS
Blessme!IfearthisGoodGeniuswillbebutaveryBadGeniusforme。
(Hegoesintothehouse。)
DEMOSTHENES
AndI’llsettheflagonnearme,thatImaymoistenmywittoinventsomebrilliantnotion。
(NICIASentersthehouseandreturnsatonce。)
NICIAS
HowloudlythePaphlagonianfartsandsnores!Iwasabletoseizethesacredoracle,whichhewasguardingwiththegreatestcare,withouthisseeingme。
DEMOSTHENES
Oh!cleverfellow!Handithere,thatImayread。Come,pourmeoutsomedrink,bestiryourself!Letmeseewhatthereisinit。Oh!
prophecy!Somedrink!somedrink!Quick!
NICIAS
Well!whatsaystheoracle?
DEMOSTHENES
Pouragain。
NICIAS
Is\"Pouragain\"intheoracle?
DEMOSTHENES
Oh,Bacis!
NICIAS
Butwhatisinit?
DEMOSTHENES
Quick!somedrink!
NICIAS
Bacisisverydry!
DEMOSTHENES
Oh!miserablePaphlagonian!Thistheniswhyyouhavesolongtakensuchprecautions;yourhoroscopegaveyouqualmsofterror。
NICIAS
Whatdoesitsay?
DEMOSTHENES
Itsaysherehowhemustend。
NICIAS
Andhow?
DEMOSTHENES
How?theoracleannouncesclearlythatadealerinoakummustfirstgovernthecity。
NICIAS
That’sonetradesman。Andafterhim,who?
DEMOSTHENES
Afterhim,asheep—dealer。
NICIAS
Twotradesmen,eh?Andwhatisthisone’sfate?
DEMOSTHENES
Toreignuntilafilthierscoundrelthanhearises;thenheperishesandinhisplacetheleather—sellerappears,thePaphlagonianrobber,thebawler,whoroarslikeatorrent。
NICIAS
Andtheleather—sellermustdestroythesheep—seller?
DEMOSTHENES
Yes。
NICIAS
Ohwoeisme!Wherecananothersellerbefound,isthereeveraoneleft?
DEMOSTHENES
Thereisyetone,whopliesafirst—ratetrade。
NICIAS
Tellme,pray,whatisthat?
DEMOSTHENES
Youreallywanttoknow?
NICIAS
Yes。
DEMOSTHENES
Wellthen!it’sasausage—sellerwhomustoverthrowhim。
NICIAS
Asausage—seller!Ah!byPosidon!whatafinetrade!Butwherecanthismanbefound?
DEMOSTHENES
Let’sseekhim。Butlook!thereheis,goingtowardsthemarket—place;’tisthegods,thegodswhosendhim!(Callingout)Thisway,thisway,oh;luckysausage—seller,comeforward,dearfriend,oursaviour,thesaviourofourcity。
(EnterAGORACRITUS,asellerofsausages,carryingabasketofhiswares。)
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Whatisit?Whydoyoucallme?
DEMOSTHENES
Comehere,comeandlearnaboutyourgoodluck,youwhoareFortune’sfavourite!
NICIAS
Come!Relievehimofhisbasket—trayandtellhimtheoracleofthegod;IwillgoandlookafterthePaphlagonian。
(Hegoesintothehouse。)
DEMOSTHENES
Firstputdownallyourgear,thenworshiptheearthandthegods。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Done。Whatisthematter?
DEMOSTHENES
Happiness,riches,power;to—dayyouhavenothing,to—morrowyouwillhaveall,oh!chiefofhappyAthens。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Whynotleavemetowashmytripeandtosellmysausagesinsteadofmakinggameofme?
DEMOSTHENES
Oh!thefool!Yourtripe!Doyouseethesetiersofpeople?
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Yes。
DEMOSTHENES
Youshallbemastertothemall,governorofthemarket,oftheharbours,ofthePnyx;youshalltrampletheSenateunderfoot,beabletocashierthegenerals,loadthemwithfetters,throwthemintogaol,andyouwillfornicateinthePrytaneum。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
What!I?
DEMOSTHENES
You,withoutadoubt。Butyoudonotyetseeallthegloryawaitingyou。StandonyourbasketandlookatalltheislandsthatsurroundAthens。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Iseethem。Whatthen?
DEMOSTHENES
Lookatthestorehousesandtheshipping。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Yes,Iamlooking。
DEMOSTHENES
Existsthereamortalmoreblestthanyou?Furthermore,turnyourrighteyetowardsCariaandyourlefttowardCarthage!
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Thenit’sablessingtobecock—eyed!
DEMOSTHENES
No,butyouaretheonewhoisgoingtotradeawayallthis。
Accordingtotheoracleyoumustbecomethegreatestofmen。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Justtellmehowasausage—sellercanbecomeagreatman。
DEMOSTHENES
Thatispreciselywhyyouwillbegreat,becauseyouareasadrascalwithoutshame,nobetterthanacommonmarketrogue。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Idonotholdmyselfworthyofwieldingpower。
DEMOSTHENES
Oh!bythegods!Whydoyounotholdyourselfworthy?Haveyouthensuchagoodopinionofyourself?Come,areyouofhonestparentage?
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Bythegods!No!ofverybadindeed。
DEMOSTHENES
Spoiltchildoffortune,everythingfitstogethertoensureyourgreatness。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
ButIhavenothadtheleasteducation。Icanonlyread,andthatverybadly。
DEMOSTHENES
Thatiswhatmaystandinyourway,almostknowinghowtoread。
Ademagoguemustbeneitheraneducatednoranhonestman;hehastobeanignoramusandarogue。Butdonot,donotletgothisgift,whichtheoraclepromises。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Butwhatdoestheoraclesay?
DEMOSTHENES
Faith,itisputtogetherinveryfineenigmaticalstyle,aselegantasitisdear:\"Whentheeagle—tannerwiththehookedclawsshallseizeastupiddragon,ablood—sucker,itwillbeanendtothehotPaphlagonianpickledgarlic。Thegodgrantsgreatglorytothesausage—sellersunlesstheyprefeirtoselltheirwares。\"
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Inwhatwaydoesthisconcernme?Pleaseinstructmyignorance。
DEMOSTHENES
Theeagle—tanneristhePaphlagonian。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Whatdothehookedclawsmean?
DEMOSTHENES
Itmeanstosay,thatherobsandpillagesuswithhisclaw—likehands。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Andthedragon?
DEMOSTHENES
Thatisquiteclear。Thedragonislongandsoalsoisthesausage;thesausagelikethedragonisadrinkerofblood。
Thereforetheoraclesays,thatthedragonwilltriumphovertheeagle—tanner,ifhedoesnotlethimselfbecajoledwithwords。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Theoraclesofthegodsflatterme!Faith!IdonotatallunderstandhowIcanbecapableofgoverningthepeople。
DEMOSTHENES
Nothingsimpler。Continueyourtrade。Mixandkneadtogetherallthestatebusinessasyoudoforyoursausages。Towinthepeople,alwayscookthemsomesavourythatpleasesthem。Besides,youpossessalltheattributesofademagogue;ascreeching,horriblevoice,aperverse,cross—grainednatureandthelanguageofthemarket—place。Inyouallisunitedwhichisneedfulforgoverning。Theoraclesareinyourfavour,evenincludingthatofDelphi。Come,takeachaplet,offeralibationtothegodofStupidityandtakecaretofightvigorously。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Whowillbemyally?fortherichfearthePaphlagonianandthepoorshudderatthesightofhim。
DEMOSTHENES
YouwillhaveathousandbraveKnights,whodetesthim,onyourside;alsothehonestcitizensamongstthespectators,thosewhoaremenofbravehearts,andfinallymyselfandthegod。Fearnot,youwillnotseehisfeatures,fornonehavedaredtomakeamaskresemblinghim。Butthepublichavewitenoughtorecognizehim。
NICIAS(fromwithin)
Oh!mercy!herecomesthePaphlagonian!
(CLEONrushesoutofthehouse。)
CLEON
Bythetwelvegods!Woebetideyou,whohavetoolongbeenconspiringagainstDemos。WhatmeansthisChalcidiancup?NodoubtyouareprovokingtheChalcidianstorevolt。Youshallbekilledandbutchered,youbraceofrogues。
DEMOSTHENES(totheSAUSAGE—SELLER)
What!areyouforrunningaway?Come,come,standfirm,boldSausage—seller,donotbetrayus。Totherescue,oh,Knights。Nowisthetime。Simon,Panaetius,getyoutotherightwing;theyarecomingon;holdtightandreturntothecharge。Icanseethedustoftheirhorses’hoofs;theyaregallopingtoouraid。(TotheSAUSAGE—SELLER)Courage!Attackhim,puthimtoflight。
(TheCHORUSOFKNIGHTSentersattopspeed。)
LEADEROFTHECHORUS
Strike,strikethevillain,whohasspreadconfusionamongsttheranksoftheKnights,thispublicrobber,thisyawninggulfofplunder,thisdevouringCharybdis,thisvillain,thisvillain,thisvillain!Icannotsaythewordtoooften,forheisavillainathousandtimesaday。Come,strike,drive,hurlhimoverandcrushhimtopieces;hatehimaswehatehim:stunhimwithyourblowsandyourshouts。Andbewarelestheescapeyou;heknowsthewayEucratestookstraighttoabransackforconcealment。
CLEON
Oh!veteranHeliasts,brotherhoodofthethreeobols,whomI
fosteredbybawlingatrandom,helpme;Iambeingbeatentodeathbyrebels。
LEADEROFTHECHORUS
Andjustlytoo;youdevourthepublicfundsthatallshouldsharein;youtreatthetreasuryofficialslikethefruitofthefigtree,squeezingthemtofindwhicharestillgreenormoreorlessripe;and,whenyoufindasimpleandtimidone,youforcehimtocomefromtheChersonese,thenyouseizehimbythemiddle,throttlehimbytheneck,whileyoutwisthisshoulderback;hefallsandyoudevourhim。Besides,youknowverywellhowtoselectfromamongthecitizensthosewhoareasmeekaslambs,rich,withoutguileandloathersoflawsuits。
CLEON
Eh!what!Knights,areyouhelpingthem?But,ifIambeaten,itisinyourcause,forIwasgoingtoproposetoerectastatueinthecityinmemoryofyourbravery。
LEADEROFTHECHORUS
Oh!theimpostor!thedullvarlet!See!hetreatsuslikeolddotardsandcrawlsatourfeettodeceiveus;butthecunningwhereinhispowerliesshallthistimerecoilonhimself;hetripsuphimselfbyresortingtosuchartifices。
CLEON
Ohcitizens!ohpeople!seehowthesebrutesareburstingmybelly。
LEADEROFTHECHORUS
Whatshouts!butit’sthisverybawlingthatincessantlyupsetsthecity!
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Icanshouttoo—andsoloudthatyouwillfleewithfear。
LEADEROFTHECHORUS
IfyoushoutlouderthanhedoesIwillstrikeupthetriumphalhymn;ifyousurpasshiminimpudencethecakeisours。
CLEON
Idenouncethisfellow;hehashadtastystewsexportedfromAthensfortheSpartanfleet。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
AndIdenouncehim;herunsintothePrytaneumwithanemptybellyandcomesoutwithitfull。
DEMOSTHENES
AndbyZeus!hecarriesoffbread,meat,andfish,whichisforbidden。Pericleshimselfneverhadthisright。
(Ascreamingmatchnowensues,eachlinemoreraucousthanthelast。Therapidityofthedialoguelikewiseincreases。)
CLEON
Youaretravellingtherightroadtogetkilled。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
I’llbawlthreetimesasloudasyou。
CLEON
Iwilldeafenyouwithmyyells。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
AndIyouwithmybellowing。
CLEON
Ishallcalumniateyou,ifyoubecomeaStrategus。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Dog,Iwilllayyourbackopenwiththelash。
CLEON
Iwillmakeyoudropyourarrogance,SAUSAGE—SELLER
Iwillbaffleyourmachinations。
CLEON
Daretolookmeintheface!
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Itoowasbroughtupinthemarket—place。
CLEON
Iwillcutyoutoshredsifyouwhisperaword。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Ifyouopenyourmouth,I’llshutitwithshit。
CLEON
IadmitI’mathief;that’smorethanyoudo。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
ByourHermesofthemarket—place,ifcaughtintheact,why,I
perjuremyselfbeforethosewhosawme。
CLEON
Thesearemyownspecialtricks。IwilldenounceyoutothePrytanesastheownerofsacredtripe,thathasnotpaidtithe。
CHORUS(singing)
Oh!youscoundrel!youimpudentbawler!everythingisfilledwithyourdaring,allAttica,theAssembly,theTreasury,thedecrees,thetribunals。Asafurioustorrentyouhaveoverthrownourcity;youroutcrieshavedeafenedAthensand,posteduponahighrock,youhavelaininwaitforthetributemoneysasthefishermandoesforthetunny—fish。
CLEON(somewhatlessloudly)
Iknowyourtricks;it’sanoldplotresoled。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Ifyouknownaughtofsoling,Iunderstandnothingofsausages;
you,whocutbadleatherontheslanttomakeitlookstoutanddeceivethecountryyokels。Theyhadnotwornitadaybeforeithadstretchedsometwospans。
DEMOSTHENES
That’stheverytrickheplayedonme;bothmyneighboursandmyfriendslaughedheartilyatme,andbeforeIreachedPergasaeIwasswimminginmyshoes。
CHORUS(singing)
Haveyounotalwaysshownthatblatantimpudence,whichisthesolestrengthofourorators?Youpushitsofar,thatyou,theheadoftheState,daretomilkthepursesoftheopulentaliensand,atsightofyou,thesonofHippodamusmeltsintotears。Buthereisanothermanwhogivesmepleasure,forheisamuchgreaterrascalthanyou;hewilloverthrowyou;’tiseasytosee,thathewillbeatyouinroguery,inbrazennessandincleverturns。Come,you,whohavebeenbroughtupamongtheclasswhichto—daygivesusallourgreatmen,showusthataliberaleducationismeretomfoolery。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Justhearwhatsortoffellowthatfinecitizenis。
CLEON
Willyounotletmespeak?
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Assuredlynot,forItooamanawfulrascal。
DEMOSTHENES
Ifhedoesnotgiveinatthat,tellhimyourparentswereawfulrascalstoo。
CLEON
Oncemore,willyouletmespeak?
SAUSAGE—SELLER
No,byZeus!
CLEON
Yes,byZeus,youshall!
SAUSAGE—SELLER
No,byPosidon!Wewillfightfirsttoseewhoshallspeakfirst。
CLEON
Iwilldiesooner。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Iwillnotletyou……
DEMOSTHENES
Lethim,inthenameofthegods,lethimdie。
CLEON
Whatmakesyousoboldastodaretospeaktomyface?
SAUSAGE—SELLER
BecauseIknowbothhowtospeakandhowtocook。
CLEON
Hah!thefinespeaker!Truly,ifsomebusinessmatterfellyourway,youwouldknowthoroughlywellhowtoattackit,tocarveitupalive!ShallItellyouwhathashappenedtoyou?Likesomanyothers,youhavegainedsomepettylawsuitagainstsomealien。Didyoudrinkenoughwatertoinspireyou?Didyoumutteroverthethingsufficientlythroughthenight,spoutitalongthestreet,reciteittoallyoumet?Haveyouboredyourfriendsenoughwithit?Andforthisyoudeemyourselfanorator。Youpoorfool!
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Andwhatdoyoudrinkyourselfthen,tobeableallalonebyyourselftodumbfoundandstupefythecitysowithyourclamour?
CLEON
Canyoumatchmewitharival?Me?WhenIhavedevouredagoodhottunny—fishanddrunkontopofitagreatjarofunmixedwine。Isay\"toHellwiththegeneralsofPylos!\"
SAUSAGE—SELLER
AndI,whenIhaveboltedthetripeofanoxtogetherwithasow’sbellyandswallowedthebrothaswell,Iamfit,thoughslobberingwithgrease,tobellowlouderthanalloratorsandtoterrifyNicias。
DEMOSTHENES
Iadmireyourlanguagesomuch;theonlythingIdonotapproveisthatyouswallowallthebrothyourself。
CLEON
Eventhoughyougorgedyourselfonsea—dogs,youwouldnotbeattheMilesians。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Givemeabullock’sbreasttodevour,andIamamantotrafficinmines。
CLEON
IwillrushintotheSenateandsetthemallbytheears。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
AndIwillpulloutyourarsetostufflikeasausage。
CLEON
Asforme,Iwillseizeyoubytherumpandhurlyouheadforemostthroughthedoor。
DEMOSTHENES
ByPosidon,onlyafteryouhavethrownmetherefirst。
CLEON
(Beginninganothercrescendoofcompetitivescreeching)
Bewareofthecarcan!
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Idenounceyouforcowardice。
CLEON
Iwilltanyourhide。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Iwillflayyouandmakeathief’spouchwiththeskin。
CLEON
Iwillpegyououtontheground。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Iwillsliceyouintomince—meat。
CLEON
Iwilltearoutyoureyelashes。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Iwillslityourgullet。
DEMOSTHENES
Wewillsethismouthopenwithawoodenstickasthecooksdowithpigs;wewilltearouthistongue,and,lookingdownhisgapingthroat,willseewhetherhisinsidehasanypimples。
CHORUS(singing)
ThusthenatAthenswehavesomethingmorefierythanfire,moreimpudentthanimpudenceitself!’Tisagravematter;come,wewillpushandjostlehimwithoutmercy。There,yougriphimtightlyunderthearms;ifhegiveswayattheonset,youwillfindhimnothingbutacraven;Iknowmyman。
DEMOSTHENES
Thathehasbeenallhislifeandhehasonlymadehimselfanamebyreapinganother’sharvest;andnowhehastieduptheearshegatheredoverthere,heletsthemdryandseekstosellthem。
CLEON
IdonotfearyouaslongasthereisaSenateandapeoplewhichstandslikeafool,gapingintheair。
CHORUS(singing)
Whatunparalleledimpudence!’Tiseverthesamebrazenfront。IfI
don’thateyou,why,I’mreadytotaketheplaceoftheoneblanketCratinuswets;I’lloffertoplayatragedybyMorsimus。Oh!youcheat!whoturnallintomoney,whoflutterfromoneextortiontoanother;mayyoudisgorgeasquicklyasyouhavecrammedyourself!
ThenonlywouldIsing,\"Letusdrink,letusdrinktothishappyevent!\"TheneventhesonofUlius,theoldwheat—fairy,wouldemptyhiscupwithtransportsofjoy,crying,\"Io,Paean!Io,Bacchus!\"
CLEON
ByPosidon!You!wouldyoubeatmeinimpudence!Ifyousucceed,mayInolongerhavemyshareofthevictimsofferedtoZeusonthecityaltar。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
AndI,Iswearbytheblowsthathavesooftraineduponmyshoulderssinceinfancy,andbytheknivesthathavecutme,thatI
willshowmoreeffronterythanyou;assureasIhaveroundedthisfinestomachbyfeedingonthepiecesofbreadthathadcleansedotherfolk’sgreasyfingers。
CLEON
Onpiecesofbread,likeadog!Ah!wretch!youhavethenatureofadogandyoudaretofightadog—headedape?
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Ihavemanyanothertrickinmysack,memoriesofmychildhood’sdays。Iusedtolingeraroundthecooksandsaytothem,\"Look,friends,don’tyouseeaswallow?It’stheheraldofspringtime。\"
Andwhiletheystood,theirnosesintheair,Imadeoffwithapieceofmeat。
CHORUS
Oh!mostcleverman!Howwellthoughtout!Youdidastheeatersofartichokes,yougatheredthembeforethereturnoftheswallows。\"
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Theycouldmakenothingofit;or,iftheysuspectedatrick,I
hidthemeatinmycrotchanddeniedthethingbyallthegods—sothatanorator,seeingmeatthegame,cried,\"Thischildwillgeton;hehasthemettlethatmakesastatesman。\"
LEADEROFTHECHORUS
Hearguedrightly;tosteal,perjureyourselfandmakeyourarsereceptivearethreeessentialsforclimbinghigh。
CLEON
Iwillstopyourinsolence,orrathertheinsolenceofbothofyou。Iwillthrowmyselfuponyoulikeaterriblehurricaneravagingbothlandandseaatthewillofitsfury。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
ThenIwillgatherupmysausagesandentrustmyselftothekindlywavesoffortunesoastomakeyouallthemoreenraged。
DEMOSTHENES
AndIwillwatchinthebilgesincasetheboatshouldmakewater。
CLEON
No,byDemeter!Iswear,itwillnotbewithimpunitythatyouhavethievedsomanytalentsfromtheAthenians。
DEMOSTHENES(totheSAUSAGE—SELLER)
Oh!oh!reefyoursailabit!HereisaNortheasterblowingcalumniously。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
IknowthatyougottentalentsoutofPotidaea。
CLEON
Wait!Iwillgiveyouone;butkeepitdark!
DEMOSTHENES(aside)
Hah!thatwillpleasehimmightily;(totheSAUSAGE—SELLER)nowyoucantravelunderfullsail。Thewindhaslostitsviolence。
CLEON
Iwillbringfoursuitsagainstyou,eachofonehundredtalents。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
AndItwentyagainstyouforshirkingdutyandmorethanathousandforrobbery。
CLEON
Imaintainthatyourparentswereguiltyofsacrilegeagainstthegoddess。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
AndI,thatoneofyourgrandfatherswasasatellite……
CLEON
Towhom?Explain!
SAUSAGE—SELLER
ToByrsina,themotherofHippias。
CLEON
Youareanimpostor。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Andyouarearogue。
(HestrikesCLEONwithasausage。)
DEMOSTHENES
Hithimhard。
CLEON
Alas!Theconspiratorsaremurderingme!
DEMOSTHENES(totheSAUSAGE—SELLER)
Hithim!Hithimwithallyourmight!Bruisehisbellyandlashhimwithyourgutsandyourtripe!Punishhimwithbothhands!
(CLEONsinksbeneaththeblows。)
CHORUS—LEADER
Oh!vigorousassailantandintrepidheart!Seehowyouhavetotallyroutedhiminthisduelofabuse,sothattousandtothecitizensyouseemthesaviourofthecity。HowshallIgivetonguetomyjoyandpraiseyousufficiently?
CLEON(recoveringhiswits)
Ah!byDemeter!Iwasnotignorantofthisplotandthesemachinationsthatwerebeingforgedandnailedandputtogetheragainstme。
DEMOSTHENES(totheSAUSAGE—SELLER)
Lookout,lookout!Comeoutfencehimwithsomewheelwrightslang。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
HistricksatArgosdonotescapeme。UnderpretenceofforminganalliancewiththeArgives,heishatchingaplotwiththeLacedaemoniansthere;andIknowwhythebellowsareblowingandthemetalthatisontheanvil;it’sthequestionoftheprisoners。
DEMOSTHENES
Welldone!Forgeon,ifhebeawheelwright。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
AndtherearemenatSpartawhoarehammeringtheironwithyou;
butneithergoldnorsilvernorprayersnoranythingelseshallimpedemydenouncingyourtrickerytotheAthenians。
CLEON
Asforme,IhastentotheSenatetorevealyourplotting,yournightlygatheringsinthecity,yourtraffickingwiththeMedesandwiththeGreatKing,andallyouareforagingforinBoeotia。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
WhatpricethenispaidforforagebyBoeotians?
CLEON
Oh!byHeracles!Iwilltanyourhide。
(Hedeparts。)
DEMOSTHENES
Come,ifyouhavebothwitandheart,nowisthetimetoshowit,asonthedaywhenyouhidthemeatinyourcrotch,asyousay。
HastentotheSenate,forhewillrushtherelikeatornadotocalumniateusallandgiveventtohisfearfulbellowings。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Iamgoing,butfirstImustridmyselfofmytripeandmyknives;
Iwillleavethemhere。
DEMOSTHENES
Stay!rubyourneckwithlard;inthiswayyouwillslipbetweenthefingersofcalumny。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Spokenlikeafinishedwrestlingcoach。
DEMOSTHENES
Now,boltdowntheseclovesofgarlic。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Pray,whatfor?
DEMOSTHENES
Wellprimedwithgarlic,youwillhavegreatermettleforthefight。Buthurry,makehasterapidly!
SAUSAGE—SELLER
That’sjustwhatI’mdoing。
(Hedeparts。)
DEMOSTHENES
And,aboveall,biteyourfoe,rendhimtoatoms,tearoffhiscombanddonotreturnuntilyouhavedevouredhiswattles。
(HegoesintothehouseofDEMOS。)
LEADEROFTHECHORUS
Go!makeyourattackwithalightheart,avengemeandmayZeusguardyou!Iburntoseeyoureturnthevictorandladenwithchapletsofglory。Andyou,spectators,enlightenedcriticsofallkindofpoetry,lendaneartomyanapests。(TheChorusmovesforwardandfacestheaudience。)
Hadoneoftheoldauthorsaskedmetomountthisstagetorecitehisverses,hewouldnothavefoundithardtopersuademe。Butourpoetofto—dayislikewiseworthyofthisfavour;hesharesourhatred,hedarestotellthetruth,heboldlybravesbothwaterspoutsandhurricanes。Manyamongyou,hetellsus,haveexpressedwonder,thathehasnotlongsincehadapiecepresentedinhisownname,andhaveaskedthereasonwhy。Thisiswhathebidsussayinreplytoyourquestions;itisnotwithoutgroundsthathehascourtedtheshade,for,inhisopinion,nothingismoredifficultthantocultivatethecomicMuse;manycourther,butveryfewsecureherfavours。Moreover,heknowsthatyouareficklebynatureandbetrayyourpoetswhentheygrowold。WhatfatebefellMagnes,whenhishairwentwhite?Oftenenoughhadhetriumphedoverhisrivals;hehadsunginallkeys,playedthelyreandflutteredwings;heturnedintoaLydianandevenintoagnat,daubedhimselfwithgreentobecomeafrog。Allinvain!Whenyoung,youapplaudedhim;inhisoldageyouhootedandmockedhim,becausehisgeniusforrailleryhadgone。Cratinusagainwaslikeatorrentofgloryrushingacrosstheplain,up—rootingoak,planetreeandrivalsandbearingthempell—mellinhiswake。Theonlysongsatthebanquetwere,\"Doro,shodwithlyingtales\"and\"AdeptsoftheLyricMuse,\"sogreatwashisrenown。Lookathimnow!hedrivels,hislyrehasneitherstringsnorkeys,hisvoicequivers,butyouhavenopityforhim,andyoulethimwanderaboutashecan,likeConnas,histemplescircledwithawitheredchaplet;thepooroldfellowisdyingofthirst;hewho,inhonourofhisgloriouspast,shouldbeinthePrytaneumdrinkingathisease,andinsteadoftrudgingthecountryshouldbesittingamongstthefirstrowofthespectators,closetothestatueofDionysusandloadedwithperfumes。Crates,again,haveyoudonehoundinghimwithyourrageandyourhisses?
True,itwasbutmeagrefarethathissterileMusecouldofferyou;
afewingeniousfanciesformedthesoleingredients,butneverthelessheknewhowtostandfirmandtorecoverfromhisfalls。Itissuchexamplesthatfrightenourpoet;inaddition,hewouldtellhimself,thatbeforebeingapilot,hemustfirstknowhowtorow,thentokeepwatchattheprow,afterthathowtogaugethewinds,andthatonlythenwouldhebeabletocommandhisvessel。Ifthenyouapprovethiswisecautionandhisresolvethathewouldnotboreyouwithfoolishnonsense,raiseloudwavesofapplauseinhisfavourthisday,sothat,atthisLenaeanfeast,thebreathofyourfavourmayswellthesailsofhistriumphantgalleyandthepoetmaywithdrawproudofhissuccess,withheaderectandhisfacebeamingwithdelight。
FIRSTSEMI—CHORUS(singing)
Posidon,godoftheracingsteeds,Isaluteyou,youwhodelightintheirneighingandintheresoundingclatteroftheirbrass—shodhoofs,godoftheswiftgalleys,which,loadedwithmercenaries,cleavetheseaswiththeirazurebeaks,godoftheequestriancontests,inwhichyoungrivals,eagerforglory,ruinthemselvesforthesakeofdistinctionwiththeirchariotsinthearena,comeanddirectourchorus;Posidonwiththetridentofgold,you,whoreignoverthedolphins,whoareworshippedatSuniumandatGeraestusbelovedofPhormio,anddeartothewholecityabovealltheimmortals,Isaluteyou!
LEADEROFFIRSTSEMI—CHORUS
Letussingthegloryofourforefathers;evervictors,bothonlandandsea,theymeritthatAthens,renderedfamousbythese,herworthysons,shouldwritetheirdeedsuponthesacredpeplus。Assoonastheysawtheenemy,theyatoncesprangathimwithoutevercountinghisstrength。Shouldoneofthemfallintheconflicthewouldshakeoffthedust,denyhismishapandbeginthestruggleanew。
NotoneofthesegeneralsofoldtimewouldhaveaskedCleaenetustobefedatthecostoftheState;butourpresentmenrefusetofight,unlesstheygetthehonoursofthePrytaneumandprecedenceintheirseats。Asforus,weplaceourvalourgratuitouslyattheserviceofAthensandofhergods;ouronlyhopeisthat,shouldpeaceeverputatermteourtoils,youwillnotgrudgeusourlong,scentedhairnorourdelicatecareforourtoilet。
SECONDSEMI—CHORUS(singing)
Oh!Pallas,guardianofAthens,you,whoreignoverthemostpiouscity,themostpowerful,therichestinwarriorsandinpoets,hastentomycall,bringinginyourtrainourfaithfulallyinallourexpeditionsandcombats,Victory,whosmilesonourchorusesandfightswithusagainstourrivals。Oh!goddess!manifestyourselftooursight;thisdaymorethaneverwedeservethatyoushouldensureourtriumph。
LEADEROFSECONDSEMI—CHORUS
Wewillsinglikewisetheexploitsofoursteeds!theyareworthyofourpraises;inwhatinvasions,whatfightshaveInotseenthemhelpingus!Butespeciallyadmirablewerethey,whentheybravelyleaptuponthegalleys,takingnothingwiththembutacoarsewine,someclovesofgarlicandonions;despitethis,theyneverthelessseizedthesweepsjustlikemen,curvedtheirbacksoverthethwartsandshouted,\"Hippapai!Giveway!Come,allpulltogether!Come,come!How!Samphoras!Areyounotrowing?\"TheyrusheddownuponthecoastofCorinth,andtheyoungesthollowedoutbedsinthesandwiththeirhoofsorwenttofetchcoverings;insteadofluzern,theyhadnofoodbutcrabs,whichtheycaughtonthestrandandeveninthesea;sothatTheoruscausesaCorinthiancrabtosay,\"’Tisacruelfate,ohPosidonneithermydeephiding—places,whetheronlandoratsea,canhelpmetoescapetheKnights。\"
(TheSAUSAGE—SELLERreturns。)
LEADEROFTHECHORUS
Welcome,oh,dearestandbravestofmen!HowdistractedIhavebeenduringyourabsence!Buthereyouareback,safeandsound。
Tellusaboutthefightyouhavehad。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
TheimportantthingisthatIhavebeatentheSenate。
CHORUS(singing)
Allglorytoyou!Letusburstintoshoutsofjoy!Youspeakwell,butyourdeedsareevenbetter。Come,tellmeeverythingindetail;
whatalongjourneywouldInotbereadytotaketohearyourtale!
Come,dearfriend,speakwithfullconfidencetoyouradmirers。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Thestoryisworthhearing。Listen!FromhereIrushedstraighttotheSenate,rightinthetrackofthisman;hewasalreadylettingloosethestorm,unchainingthelightning,crushingtheKnightsbeneathhugemountainsofcalumniesheapedtogetherandhavingalltheairoftruth;hecalledyouconspiratorsandhisliescaughtrootlikeweedsineverymind;darkwerethelooksoneverysideandbrowswereknitted。WhenIsawthattheSenatelistenedtohimfavourablyandwasbeingtrickedbyhisimpostureIsaidtomyself,\"Come,godsofrascalsandbraggarts,godsofallfools,andtoad—eaters,andthoutoo,ohmarket—place,whereinIwasbredfrommyearliestdays,givemeunbridledaudacity,anuntiringchatterandashamelessvoice。\"
NosoonerhadIendedthisprayerthanapederastfartedonmyright。\"Hah!agoodomen,\"saidI,andprostratedmyself;thenIburstopenthedoorbyavigorouspushwithmyarse,and,openingmymouthtotheutmost,shouted,\"Senators,Iwantedyoutobethefirsttohearthegoodnews;sincethewarbrokeout,Ihaveneverseenanchoviesatalowerprice!\"AllfacesbrightenedatonceandIwasvotedachapletformygoodtidings;andIadded,\"WithacoupleofwordsIwillrevealtoyouhowyoucanhavequantitiesofanchoviesforanobol;allyouhavetodoistoseizeonallthedishesthemerchantshave。\"Withmouthsgapingwithadmiration,theyapplaudedme。However,thePaphlagonianwindedthematterand,wellknowingthesortoflanguagewhichpleasestheSenatebest,said,\"Friends,Iamresolvedtoofferonehundredoxentothegoddessinrecognitionofthishappyevent。\"TheSenateatonceveeredtohisside。SowhenIsawmyselfdefeatedbythisoxdung,Ioutbadethefellow,crying,\"Twohundred!\"AndbeyondthisImovedthatavowbemadetoDianaofathousandgoatsifthenextdayanchoviesshouldonlybeworthanobolahundred。AndtheSenatelookedtowardsmeagain。Theother,stunnedwiththeblow,grewdeliriousinhisspeech,andatlastthePrytanesandtheScythiansdraggedhimout。TheSenatorsthenstoodtalkingnoisilyabouttheanchovies。Cleon,however,beggedthemtolistentotheLacedaemonianenvoy,whohadcometomakeproposalsofpeace;butallwithoneaccordcried\"Certainlyit’snotthemomenttothinkofpeacenow!Ifanchoviesaresocheap,whatneedhaveweofpeace?Letthewartakeitscourse!\"
AndwithloudshoutstheydemandedthatthePrytanesshouldclosethesittingandthentheyleaptovertherailsinalldirections。Asforme,Islippedawaytobuyallthecorianderseedandleekstherewereonthemarketandgaveittothemgratisasseasoningfortheiranchovies。Itwasmarvellous!Theyloadedmewithpraisesandcaresses;thusIconqueredtheSenatewithanobol’sworthofleeks,andhereIam。
CHORUS(singing)
Bravo!youarethespoiltchildofFortune。Ah!ourknavehasfoundhismatchinanother,whohasfarbettertricksinhissack,athousandkindsofknaveriesandofwilywords。Butthefightbeginsafresh;takecarenottoweaken;youknowthatIhavelongbeenyourmostfaithfulally。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Ah!ah!herecomesthePaphlagonian!Onewouldsayitwasahurricanelashingtheseaandrollingthewavesbeforeitinitsfury。
Helooksasifhewantedtoswallowmeupalive!Yegods!whatanimpudentknave!
CLEON(asherushesin)
Tomyaid,mybelovedlies!Iamgoingtodestroyyou,ormynameislost。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Oh!howhedivertsmewithhisthreatsHisblustermakesmelaugh!
AndIdancethemothonforjoy,andsingatthetopofmyvoice,cuckoo!
CLEON
Ah!byDemeter!ifIdonotkillanddevouryou,mayIdie!
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Ifyoudonotdevourme?andI,ifIdonotdrinkyourbloodtothelastdrop,andthenburstwithindigestion。
CLEON
I,Iwillstrangleyou,IswearitbythefrontseatwhichPylosgainedme。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Bythefrontseat!Ah!Ah!mightIseeyoufallintothehindmostseat!
CLEON
Byheaven!Iwillputyoutothetorture。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Whatalivelywit!Come,what’sthebesttogiveyoutoeat?
Whatdoyouprefer?Apurse?
CLEON
Iwilltearoutyourinsideswithmynails。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
AndIwillcutoffyourvictualsatthePrytaneum。
CLEON
IwillhaulyoubeforeDemos,whowillmeteoutjusticetoyou。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
AndItoowilldragyoubeforehimandbelchforthmorecalumniesthanyou。Why,poorfool,hedoesnotbelieveyou,whereasI
playwithhimatwill。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
IsthenDemosyourproperty,yourcontemptiblecreature?
CLEON
It’sbecauseIknowthedishesthatpleasehim。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Andthesearelittlemouthfuls,whichyouservetohimlikeaclevernurse。Youchewthepiecesandplacesomeinsmallquantitiesinhismouth,whileyouswallowthreepartsyourself。
CLEON
Thankstomyskill,Iknowexactlyhowtoenlargeorcontractthisgullet。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Myarseisjustasclever。
CLEON
Well,myfriend,youtrickedmeattheSenate,buttakecare!
LetusgobeforeDemos。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
That’seasilydone;come,let’sdoitrightaway。
CLEON(loudly)
Oh,Demos!Come,Iadjureyoutohelpme,myfatherI
SAUSAGE—SELLER(moreloudly)
Come,oh,mydearlittleDemos;comeandseehowIaminsulted。
DEMOS(comingoutofhishousefollowedbyDEMOSTHENES)
Whatahubhub!TotheDevilwithyou,bawlers!Alas!myolivebranch,whichtheyhavetorndown!Ah!it’syou,Paphlagonian。Andwho,pray,hasbeenmaltreatingyou?
CLEON
Youarethecauseofthismanandtheseyoungpeoplehavingcoveredmewithblows。
DEMOS
Andwhy?
CLEON
Becauseyoulovemepassionately,Demos。
DEMOS(totheSAUSAGE—SELLER)
Andyou,whoareyou?
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Hisrival。FormanyalongyearhaveIlovedyou,haveIwishedtodoyouhonour,Iandacrowdofothermenofmeans。Butthisrascalherehaspreventedus。Youresemblethoseyoungmenwhodonotknowwheretochoosetheirlovers;yourepulsehonestfolks;toearnyourfavours,onehastobealamp—seller,acobbler,atanneroracurrier。
CLEON
Iamthebenefactorofthepeople。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Inwhatway,please?
CLEON
Inwhatway?IsupplantedtheGeneralsatPylos,IhurriedthitherandIbroughtbacktheLaconiancaptives。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
AndI,whilstsimplyloitering,clearedoffwithapotfromashop,whichanotherfellowhadbeenboiling。
CLEON
Demos,convenetheassemblyatoncetodecidewhichofustwolovesyoubestandmostmeritsyourfavour。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Yes,yes,provideditbenotatthePnyx。
DEMOS
Icouldnotsitelsewhere;itisatthePnyxthatyoumustappearbeforeme。
(HesitsdownonastoneintheOrchestra,)
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Ah!greatgods!Iamundone!Athomethisoldfellowisthemostsensibleofmen,buttheinstantheisseatedonthosecursedstoneseats,heistherewithmouthagapeasifhewerehangingupfigsbytheirstemstodry。
FIRSTSEMI—CHORUS(singing)
Come,looseallsail。Bebold,skilfulinattackandentanglehiminargumentswhichadmitofnoreply。Itisdifficulttobeathim,forheisfullofcraftandpullshimselfoutoftheworstcorners。
Collectallyourforcestocomeforthfromthisfightcoveredwithglory。
LEADEROFTHECHORUS
Buttakecare!Lethimnotassumetheattack,getreadyyourgrapplesandadvancewithyourvesseltoboardhim!
CLEON
Oh!guardiangoddessofourcity!oh!AtheneifitbetruethatnexttoLysicles,CynnaandSalabacchononehavedonesomuchgoodfortheAthenianpeopleasI,suffermetocontinuetobefedatthePrytaneumwithoutworking;butifIhateyou,ifIamnotreadytofightinyourdefencealoneandagainstall,mayIperish,besawntobitsaliveandmyskincutupintothongs。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
AndI,Demos,ifitbenottrue,thatIloveandcherishyou,mayIbecookedinastew;andifthatisnotsayingenough,mayI
begratedonthistablewithsomecheeseandthenhashed,mayahookbepassedthroughmyballsandletmebedraggedthustotheCeramicus!