CHAPTERI——HOWMRS。LIRRIPERCARRIEDONTHEBUSINESS
WhoeverwouldbegintobeworriedwithlettingLodgingsthatwasn’talonewomanwithalivingtogetisathinginconceivabletome，mydear；excusethefamiliarity，butitcomesnaturaltomeinmyownlittleroom，whenwishingtoopenmymindtothosethatIcantrust，andIshouldbetrulythankfuliftheywereallmankind，butsuchisnotso，forhavebutaFurnishedbillinthewindowandyourwatchonthemantelpiece，andfarewelltoitifyouturnyourbackforbutasecond，howevergentlemanlythemanners；norisbeingofyourownsexanysafeguard，asIhavereason，intheformofsugar—tongstoknow，forthatlady（andafinewomanshewas）gotmetorunforaglassofwater，onthepleaofgoingtobeconfined，whichcertainlyturnedouttrue，butitwasintheStation—house。
NumberEighty—oneNorfolkStreet，Strand——situatedmidwaybetweentheCityandSt。James’s，andwithinfiveminutes’walkoftheprincipalplacesofpublicamusement——ismyaddress。Ihaverentedthishousemanyyears，astheparishrate—bookswilltestify；andI
couldwishmylandlordwasasalivetothefactasIammyself；butno，blessyou，notahalfapoundofpainttosavehislife，norsomuch，mydear，asatileupontheroof，thoughonyourbendedknees。
Mydear，youneverhavefoundNumberEighty—oneNorfolkStreetStrandadvertisedinBradshaw’sRailwayGuide，andwiththeblessingofHeavenyouneverwillorshallsofindit。Sometherearewhodonotthinkitloweringthemselvestomaketheirnamesthatcheap，andevengoingthelengthsofaportraitofthehousenotlikeitwithablotineverywindowandacoachandfouratthedoor，butwhatwillsuitWozenham’slowerdownontheothersideofthewaywillnotsuitme，MissWozenhamhavingheropinionsandmehavingmine，thoughwhenitcomestosystematicunderbiddingcapableofbeingprovedonoathinacourtofjusticeandtakingtheformof\"IfMrs。
Lirripernameseighteenshillingsaweek，Inamefifteenandsix，\"
itthencomestoasettlementbetweenyourselfandyourconscience，supposingforthesakeofargumentyournametobeWozenham，whichI
amwellawareitisnotormyopinionofyouwouldbegreatlylowered，andastoairybedroomsandanight—porterinconstantattendancethelesssaidthebetter，thebedroomsbeingstuffyandtheporterstuff。
ItisfortyyearsagosincemeandmypoorLirripergotmarriedatSt。Clement’sDanes，whereInowhaveasittinginaverypleasantpewwithgenteelcompanyandmyownhassock，andbeingpartialtoeveningservicenottoocrowded。MypoorLirriperwasahandsomefigureofaman，withabeamingeyeandavoiceasmellowasamusicalinstrumentmadeofhoneyandsteel，buthehadeverbeenafreeliverbeinginthecommercialtravellinglineandtravellingwhathecalledalimekilnroad——\"adryroad，Emmamydear，\"mypoorLirripersaystome，\"whereIhavetolaythedustwithonedrinkoranotheralldaylongandhalfthenight，anditwearsmeEmma\"——andthisledtohisrunningthroughagooddealandmighthaverunthroughtheturnpiketoowhenthatdreadfulhorsethatneverwouldstandstillforasingleinstantsetoff，butforitsbeingnightandthegateshutandconsequentlytookhiswheel，mypoorLirriperandthegigsmashedtoatomsandneverspokeafterwards。Hewasahandsomefigureofaman，andamanwithajovialheartandasweettemper；butiftheyhadcomeupthentheynevercouldhavegivenyouthemellownessofhisvoice，andindeedIconsiderphotographswantinginmellownessasageneralruleandmakingyoulooklikeanew—ploughedfield。
MypoorLirriperbeingbehindhandwiththeworldandbeingburiedatHatfieldchurchinHertfordshire，notthatitwashisnativeplacebutthathehadalikingfortheSalisburyArmswherewewentuponourwedding—dayandpassedashappyafortnightaseverhappywas，I
wentroundtothecreditorsandIsays\"GentlemenIamacquaintedwiththefactthatIamnotanswerableformylatehusband’sdebtsbutIwishtopaythemforIamhislawfulwifeandhisgoodnameisdeartome。IamgoingintotheLodgingsgentlemenasabusinessandifIprospereveryfarthingthatmylatehusbandowedshallbepaidforthesakeoftheloveIborehim，bythisrighthand。\"Ittookalongtimetodobutitwasdone，andthesilvercream—jugwhichisbetweenourselvesandthebedandthemattressinmyroomup—stairs（oritwouldhavefoundlegssosureasevertheFurnishedbillwasup）beingpresentedbythegentlemenengraved\"ToMrs。
Lirriperamarkofgratefulrespectforherhonourableconduct\"gavemeaturnwhichwastoomuchformyfeelings，tillMr。Betleywhichatthattimehadtheparloursandlovedhisjokesays\"CheerupMrs。
Lirriper，youshouldfeelasifitwasonlyyourchristeningandtheywereyourgodfathersandgodmotherswhichdidpromiseforyou。\"
Anditbroughtmeround，andIdon’tmindconfessingtoyoumydearthatIthenputasandwichandadropofsherryinalittlebasketandwentdowntoHatfieldchurch—yardoutsidethecoachandkissedmyhandandlaiditwithakindofproudandswellingloveonmyhusband’sgrave，thoughblessyouithadtakenmesolongtoclearhisnamethatmywedding—ringwaswornquitefineandsmoothwhenI
laiditonthegreengreenwavinggrass。
Iamanoldwomannowandmygoodlooksaregonebutthat’smemydearovertheplate—warmerandconsideredlikeinthetimeswhenyouusedtopaytwoguineasonivoryandtookyourchanceprettymuchhowyoucameout，whichmadeyouverycarefulhowyouleftitaboutafterwardsbecausepeoplewereturnedsoredanduncomfortablebymostlyguessingitwassomebodyelsequitedifferent，andtherewasonceacertainpersonthathadputhismoneyinahopbusinessthatcameinonemorningtopayhisrentandhisrespectsbeingthesecondfloorthatwouldhavetakenitdownfromitshookandputitinhisbreast—pocket——youunderstandmydear——fortheL，hesaysoftheoriginal——onlytherewasnomellownessinHISvoiceandI
wouldn’tlethim，buthisopinionofityoumaygatherfromhissayingtoit\"SpeaktomeEmma！\"whichwasfarfromarationalobservationnodoubtbutstillatributetoitsbeingalikeness，andIthinkmyselfitWASlikemewhenIwasyoungandworethatsortofstays。
ButitwasabouttheLodgingsthatIwasintendingtoholdforthandcertainlyIoughttoknowsomethingofthebusinesshavingbeeninitsolong，foritwasearlyinthesecondyearofmymarriedlifethatIlostmypoorLirriperandIsetupatIslingtondirectlyafterwardsandafterwardscamehere，beingtwohousesandeight—and—
thirtyyearsandsomelossesandadealofexperience。
GirlsareyourfirsttrialafterfixturesandtheytryyouevenworsethanwhatIcalltheWanderingChristians，thoughwhyTHEY
shouldroamtheearthlookingforbillsandthencominginandviewingtheapartmentsandsticklingabouttermsandneveratallwantingthemordreamingoftakingthembeingalreadyprovided，is，amysteryIshouldbethankfultohaveexplainedifbyanymiracleitcouldbe。It’swonderfultheylivesolongandthrivesoonitbutIsupposetheexercisemakesithealthy，knockingsomuchandgoingfromhousetohouseandupanddown—stairsallday，andthentheirpretendingtobesoparticularandpunctualisamostastonishingthing，lookingattheirwatchesandsaying\"Couldyougivemetherefusaloftheroomstilltwentyminutespasteleventhedayafterto—morrowintheforenoon，andsupposingittobeconsideredessentialbymyfriendfromthecountrycouldtherebeasmallironbedsteadputinthelittleroomuponthestairs？\"WhywhenIwasnewtoitmydearIusedtoconsiderbeforeIpromisedandtomakemymindanxiouswithcalculationsandtogetquiteweariedoutwithdisappointments，butnowIsays\"Certainlybyallmeans\"wellknowingit’saWanderingChristianandIshallhearnomoreaboutit，indeedbythistimeIknowmostoftheWanderingChristiansbysightaswellastheyknowme，itbeingthehabitofeachindividualrevolvingroundLondoninthatcapacitytocomebackabouttwiceayear，andit’sveryremarkablethatitrunsinfamiliesandthechildrengrowuptoit，butevenwereitotherwiseIshouldnosoonerhearofthefriendfromthecountrywhichisacertainsignthanIshouldnodandsaytomyselfYou’reaWanderingChristian，thoughwhethertheyare（asIHAVEheard）personsofsmallpropertywithatasteforregularemploymentandfrequentchangeofsceneIcannotundertaketotellyou。
GirlsasIwasbeginningtoremarkareoneofyourfirstandyourlastingtroubles，beinglikeyourteethwhichbeginwithconvulsionsandneverceasetormentingyoufromthetimeyoucutthemtilltheycutyou，andthenyoudon’twanttopartwiththemwhichseemshardbutwemustallsuccumborbuyartificial，andevenwhereyougetawillninetimesoutoftenyou’llgetadirtyfacewithitandnaturallylodgersdonotlikegoodsocietytobeshowninwithasmearofblackacrossthenoseorasmudgyeyebrow。WheretheypicktheblackupisamysteryIcannotsolve，asinthecaseofthewillingestgirlthatevercameintoahousehalf—starvedpoorthing，agirlsowillingthatIcalledherWillingSophydownuponherkneesscrubbingearlyandlateandevercheerfulbutalwayssmilingwithablackface。AndIsaystoSophy，\"NowSophymygoodgirlhavearegulardayforyourstovesandkeepthewidthoftheAirybetweenyourselfandtheblackinganddonotbrushyourhairwiththebottomsofthesaucepansanddonotmeddlewiththesnuffsofthecandlesanditstandstoreasonthatitcannolongerbe\"yetthereitwasandalwaysonhernose，whichturningupandbeingbroadattheendseemedtoboastofitandcausedwarningfromasteadygentlemanandexcellentlodgerwithbreakfastbytheweekbutalittleirritableanduseofasitting—roomwhenrequired，hiswordsbeing\"Mrs。LirriperIhavearrivedatthepointofadmittingthattheBlackisamanandabrother，butonlyinanaturalformandwhenitcan’tbegotoff。\"WellconsequentlyIputpoorSophyontootherworkandforbidheransweringthedoororansweringabellonanyaccountbutshewassounfortunatelywillingthatnothingwouldstopherflyingupthekitchen—stairswheneverabellwasheardtotingle。Iputittoher\"OSophySophyforgoodness’
goodness’sakewheredoesitcomefrom？\"Towhichthatpoorunluckywillingmortal——burstingoutcryingtoseemesovexedreplied\"I
tookadealofblackintomema’amwhenIwasasmallchildbeingmuchneglectedandIthinkitmustbe，thatitworksout，\"soitcontinuingtoworkoutofthatpoorthingandnothavinganotherfaulttofindwithherIsays\"SophywhatdoyouseriouslythinkofmyhelpingyouawaytoNewSouthWaleswhereitmightnotbenoticed？\"NordidIeverrepentthemoneywhichwaswellspent，forshemarriedtheship’scookonthevoyage（himselfaMulotter）anddidwellandlivedhappy，andsofaraseverIhearditwasNOT
noticedinanewstateofsocietytoherdyingday。
InwhatwayMissWozenhamlowerdownontheothersideofthewayreconciledittoherfeelingsasalady（whichsheisnot）toenticeMaryAnnePerkinsopfrommyserviceisbestknowntoherself，IdonotknowandIdonotwishtoknowhowopinionsareformedatWozenham’sonanypoint。ButMaryAnnePerkinsopalthoughIbehavedhandsomelytoherandshebehavedunhandsomelytomewasworthherweightingoldasoverawinglodgerswithoutdrivingthemaway，forlodgerswouldbefarmoresparingoftheirbellswithMaryAnnethanIeverknewthemtobewithMaidorMistress，whichisagreattriumphespeciallywhenaccompaniedwithacastintheeyeandabagofbones，butitwasthesteadinessofherwaywiththemthroughherfather’shavingfailedinPork。ItwasMaryAnne’slookingsorespectableinherpersonandbeingsostrictinherspiritsthatconqueredthetea—and—sugarestgentleman（forheweighedthembothinapairofscaleseverymorning）thatIhaveeverhadtodealwithandnolambgrewmeeker，stillitafterwardscameroundtomethatMissWozenhamhappeningtopassandseeingMaryAnnetakeinthemilkofamilkmanthatmadefreeinarosy—facedway（Ithinknoworseofhim）witheverygirlinthestreetbutwasquitefrozenuplikethestatueatCharing—crossbyher，sawMaryAnne’svalueinthelodgingbusinessandwentashighasonepoundperquartermore，consequentlyMaryAnnewithnotawordbetwixtussays\"IfyouwillprovideyourselfMrs。LirriperinamonthfromthisdayIhavealreadydonethesame，\"whichhurtmeandIsaidso，andshethenhurtmemorebyinsinuatingthatherfatherhavingfailedinPorkhadlaidheropentoit。
MydearIdoassureyouit’saharassingthingtoknowwhatkindofgirlstogivethepreferenceto，foriftheyarelivelytheygetbell’dofftheirlegsandiftheyaresluggishyousufferfromityourselfincomplaintsandiftheyaresparkling—eyedtheygetmadeloveto，andiftheyaresmartintheirpersonstheytryonyourLodgers’bonnetsandiftheyaremusicalIdefyyoutokeepthemawayfrombandsandorgans，andallowingforanydifferenceyoulikeintheirheadstheirheadswillbealwaysoutofwindowjustthesame。Andthenwhatthegentlemenlikeingirlstheladiesdon’t，whichisfruitfulhotwaterforallparties，andthenthere’stemperthoughsuchatemperasCarolineMaxey’sIhopenotoften。Agood—
lookingblack—eyedgirlwasCarolineandacomely—madegirltoyourcostwhenshedidbreakoutandlaidabouther，astookplacefirstandlastthroughanew—marriedcouplecometoseeLondoninthefirstfloorandtheladyveryhighanditWASsupposednotlikingthegoodlooksofCarolinehavingnoneofherowntospare，butanyhowshedidtryCarolinethoughthatwasnoexcuse。SooneafternoonCarolinecomesdownintothekitchenflushedandflashing，andshesaystome\"Mrs。Lirriperthatwomaninthefirsthasaggravatedmepastbearing，\"Isays\"Carolinekeepyourtemper，\"
Carolinesayswithacurdlinglaugh\"Keepmytemper？You’rerightMrs。Lirriper，soIwill。CapitalDher！\"burstsoutCaroline（youmighthavestruckmeintothecentreoftheearthwithafeatherwhenshesaidit）\"I’llgiveheratouchofthetemperthatIkeep！\"
Carolinedownswithherhairmydear，screechesandrushesup—
stairs，Ifollowingasfastasmytremblinglegscouldbearme，butbeforeIgotintotheroomthedinner—clothandpink—and—whiteservicealldraggedoffuponthefloorwithacrashandthenew—
marriedcoupleontheirbacksinthefiregrate，himwiththeshovelandtongsandadishofcucumberacrosshimandamercyitwassummer—time。\"Caroline\"Isays\"becalm，\"butshecatchesoffmycapandtearsitinherteethasshepassesme，thenpouncesonthenew—marriedladymakesherabundleofribbonstakesherbythetwoearsandknocksthebackofherheaduponthecarpetMurderscreamingallthetimePolicemenrunningdownthestreetandWozenham’swindows（judgeofmyfeelingswhenIcametoknowit）
thrownupandMissWozenhamcallingoutfromthebalconywithcrocodile’stears\"It’sMrs。Lirriperbeenoverchargingsomebodytomadness——she’llbemurdered——Ialwaysthoughtso——Pleesemansaveher！\"MydearfourofthemandCarolinebehindthechiffoniereattackingwiththepokerandwhendisarmedprize—fightingwithherdoublefists，anddownandupandupanddownanddreadful！ButI
couldn’tbeartoseethepooryoungcreatureroughlyhandledandherhairtornwhentheygotthebetterofher，andIsays\"GentlemenPolicemenprayrememberthathersexisthesexofyourmothersandsistersandyoursweethearts，andGodblessthemandyou！\"Andthereshewassittingdownonthegroundhandcuffed，takingbreathagainsttheskirting—boardandthemcoolwiththeircoatsinstrips，andallshesayswas\"Mrs。LirriperI’msorryaseverItouchedyou，foryou’reakindmotherlyoldthing，\"anditmademethinkthatI
hadoftenwishedIhadbeenamotherindeedandhowwouldmyhearthavefeltifIhadbeenthemotherofthatgirl！WellyouknowitturnedoutatthePolice—officethatshehaddoneitbefore，andshehadherclothesawayandwassenttoprison，andwhenshewastocomeoutItrottedofftothegateintheeveningwithjustamorselofjellyinthatlittlebasketofminetogiveheramiteofstrengthtofacetheworldagain，andthereImetwithaverydecentmotherwaitingforhersonthroughbadcompanyandastubbornonehewaswithhishalf—bootsnotlaced。SooutcameCarolineandIsays\"Carolinecomealongwithmeandsitdownunderthewallwhereit’sretiredandeatalittletriflethatIhavebroughtwithmetodoyougood，\"andshethrowsherarmsroundmyneckandsayssobbing\"O
whywereyouneveramotherwhentherearesuchmothersasthereare！\"shesays，andinhalfaminutemoreshebeginstolaughandsays\"DidIreallytearyourcaptoshreds？\"andwhenItoldher\"YoucertainlydidsoCaroline\"shelaughedagainandsaidwhileshepattedmyface\"Thenwhydoyouwearsuchqueeroldcapsyoudearoldthing？ifyouhadn’twornsuchqueeroldcapsIdon’tthinkI
shouldhavedoneiteventhen。\"Fancythegirl！NothingcouldgetoutofherwhatshewasgoingtodoexceptOshewoulddowellenough，andwepartedshebeingverythankfulandkissingmyhands，andInevermoresaworheardofthatgirl，exceptthatIshallalwaysbelievethataverygenteelcapwhichwasbroughtanonymoustomeoneSaturdaynightinanoilskinbasketbyamostimpertinentyoungsparrowofamonkeywhistlingwithdirtyshoesonthecleanstepsandplayingtheharpontheAiryrailingswithahoop—stickcamefromCaroline。
WhatyoulayyourselfopentomydearinthewayofbeingtheobjectofuncharitablesuspicionswhenyougointotheLodgingbusinessI
havenotthewordstotellyou，butneverwasIsodishonourableastohavetwokeysnorwouldIwillinglythinkitevenofMissWozenhamlowerdownontheothersideofthewaysincerelyhopingthatitmaynotbe，thoughdoubtlessatthesametimemoneycannotcomefromnowhereanditisnotreasontosupposethatBradshawsputitinforlovebeitblottyasitmay。ItISahardshiphurtingtothefeelingsthatLodgersopentheirmindssowidetotheideathatyouaretryingtogetthebetterofthemandshuttheirmindssoclosetotheideathattheyaretryingtogetthebetterofyou，butasMajorJackmansaystome，\"IknowthewaysofthiscircularworldMrs。Lirriper，andthat’soneof’emallroundit\"andmanyisthelittleruffleinmymindthattheMajorhassmoothed，forheisaclevermanwhohasseenmuch。Deardear，thirteenyearshavepassedthoughitseemsbutyesterdaysinceIwassittingwithmyglassesonattheopenfrontparlourwindowoneeveninginAugust（theparloursbeingthenvacant）readingyesterday’spapermyeyesforprintbeingpoorthoughstillIamthankfultosayalongsightatadistance，whenIhearagentlemancomepostingacrosstheroadandupthestreetinadreadfulragetalkingtohimselfinafuryandd’ingandc’ingsomebody。\"ByGeorge！\"saysheoutloudandclutchinghiswalking—stick，\"I’llgotoMrs。Lirriper’s。WhichisMrs。
Lirriper’s？\"ThenlookingroundandseeingmeheflourisheshishatrightoffhisheadasifIhadbeenthequeenandhesays，\"ExcusetheintrusionMadam，butprayMadamcanyoutellmeatwhatnumberinthisstreetthereresidesawell—knownandmuch—respectedladybythenameofLirriper？\"AlittleflusteredthoughImustsaygratifiedItookoffmyglassesandcourtesiedandsaid\"Sir，Mrs。
Lirriperisyourhumbleservant。\"\"Astonishing！\"sayshe。\"A
millionpardons！Madam，mayIaskyoutohavethekindnesstodirectoneofyourdomesticstoopenthedoortoagentlemaninsearchofapartments，bythenameofJackman？\"IhadneverheardthenamebutapolitergentlemanIneverhopetosee，forsayshe，\"MadamIamshockedatyouropeningthedooryourselftonoworthierafellowthanJemmyJackman。AfteryouMadam。Ineverprecedealady。\"Thenhecomesintotheparloursandhesniffs，andhesays\"Hah！Theseareparlours！Notmustycupboards\"hesays\"butparlours，andnosmellofcoal—sacks。\"Nowmydearithavingbeenremarkedbysomeinimicaltothewholeneighbourhoodthatitalwayssmellsofcoal—sackswhichmightproveadrawbacktoLodgersifencouraged，IsaystotheMajorgentlythoughfirmlythatIthinkheisreferringtoArundelorSurreyorHowardbutnotNorfolk。
\"Madam\"sayshe\"IrefertoWozenham’slowerdownovertheway——
MadamyoucanformnonotionwhatWozenham’sis——Madamitisavastcoal—sack，andMissWozenhamhastheprinciplesandmannersofafemaleheaver——MadamfromthemannerinwhichIhaveheardhermentionyouIknowshehasnoappreciationofalady，andfromthemannerinwhichshehasconductedherselftowardsmeIknowshehasnoappreciationofagentleman——MadammynameisJackman——shouldyourequireanyotherreferencethanwhatIhavealreadysaid，InametheBankofEngland——perhapsyouknowit！\"SuchwasthebeginningoftheMajor’soccupyingtheparloursandfromthathourtothisthesameandamostobligingLodgerandpunctualinallrespectsexceptoneirregularwhichIneednotparticularlyspecify，butmadeupforbyhisbeingaprotectionandatalltimesreadytofillinthepapersoftheAssessedTaxesandJuriesandthat，andoncecollaredayoungmanwiththedrawing—roomclockunderhiscoat，andonceontheparapetswithhisownhandsandblanketsputoutthekitchenchimneyandafterwardsattendingthesummonsmadeamosteloquentspeechagainsttheParishbeforethemagistratesandsavedtheengine，andeverquitethegentlemanthoughpassionate。AndcertainlyMissWozenham’sdetainingthetrunksandumbrellawasnotinaliberalspiritthoughitmayhavebeenaccordingtoherrightsinlaworanactIwouldmyselfhavestoopedto，theMajorbeingsomuchthegentlemanthatthoughheisfarfromtallheseemsalmostsowhenhehashisshirt—frilloutandhisfrock—coatonandhishatwiththecurlybrims，andinwhatservicehewasIcannottrulytellyoumydearwhetherMilitiaorForeign，forIneverheardhimevennamehimselfasMajorbutalwayssimple\"JemmyJackman\"andoncesoonafterhecamewhenIfeltitmydutytolethimknowthatMissWozenhamhadputitaboutthathewasnoMajorandItookthelibertyofadding\"whichyouaresir\"hiswordswere\"MadamatanyrateIamnotaMinor，andsufficientforthedayistheevilthereof\"whichcannotbedeniedtobethesacredtruth，noryethismilitarywaysofhavinghisbootswithonlythedirtbrushedofftakentohiminthefrontparloureverymorningonacleanplateandvarnishingthemhimselfwithalittlespongeandasaucerandawhistleinawhispersosureaseverhisbreakfastisended，andsoneathiswaysthatitneversoilshislinenwhichisscrupulousthoughmoreinqualitythanquantity，neitherthatnorhismustachioswhichtothebestofmybeliefaredoneatthesametimeandwhichareasblackandshiningashisboots，hisheadofhairbeingalovelywhite。
ItwasthethirdyearnearlyupoftheMajor’sbeingintheparloursthatearlyonemorninginthemonthofFebruarywhenParliamentwascomingonandyoumaythereforesupposeanumberofimpostorswereaboutreadytotakeholdofanythingtheycouldget，agentlemanandaladyfromthecountrycameintoviewtheSecond，andIwellrememberthatIhadbeenlookingoutofwindowandhadwatchedthemandtheheavysleetdrivingdownthestreettogetherlookingforbills。Ididnotquitetaketothefaceofthegentlemanthoughhewasgood—lookingtoobuttheladywasaveryprettyyoungthinganddelicate，anditseemedtooroughforhertobeoutatallthoughshehadonlycomefromtheAdelphiHotelwhichwouldnothavebeenmuchaboveaquarterofamileiftheweatherhadbeenlesssevere。
NowitdidsohappenmydearthatIhadbeenforcedtoputfiveshillingsweeklyadditionalonthesecondinconsequenceofalossfromrunningawayfulldressedasifgoingouttoadinner—party，whichwasveryartfulandhadmademerathersuspicioustakingitalongwithParliament，sowhenthegentlemanproposedthreemonthscertainandthemoneyinadvanceandleavethenreservedtorenewonthesametermsforsixmonthsmore，IsaysIwasnotquitecertainbutthatImighthaveengagedmyselftoanotherpartybutwouldstepdown—stairsandlookintoitiftheywouldtakeaseat。TheytookaseatandIwentdowntothehandleoftheMajor’sdoorthatIhadalreadybegantoconsultfindingitagreatblessing，andIknewbyhiswhistlinginawhisperthathewasvarnishinghisbootswhichwasgenerallyconsideredprivate，howeverhekindlycallsout\"Ifit’syou，Madam，comein，\"andIwentinandtoldhim。
\"Well，Madam，\"saystheMajorrubbinghisnose——asIdidfearatthemomentwiththeblackspongebutitwasonlyhisknuckle，hebeingalwaysneatanddexterouswithhisfingers——\"well，Madam，Isupposeyouwouldbegladofthemoney？\"
Iwasdelicateofsaying\"Yes\"tooout，foralittleextracolourroseintotheMajor’scheeksandtherewasirregularitywhichIwillnotparticularlyspecifyinaquarterwhichIwillnotname。
\"Iamofopinion，Madam，\"saystheMajor，\"thatwhenmoneyisreadyforyou——whenitisreadyforyou，Mrs。Lirriper——yououghttotakeit。Whatisthereagainstit，Madam，inthiscaseup—stairs？\"
\"Ireallycannotsaythereisanythingagainstit，sir，stillI
thoughtIwouldconsultyou。\"
\"Yousaidanewly—marriedcouple，Ithink，Madam？\"saystheMajor。
Isays\"Ye—es。Evidently。Andindeedtheyoungladymentionedtomeinacasualwaythatshehadnotbeenmarriedmanymonths。\"
TheMajorrubbedhisnoseagainandstirredthevarnishroundandroundinitslittlesaucerwithhispieceofspongeandtooktohiswhistlinginawhisperforafewmoments。Thenhesays\"YouwouldcallitaGoodLet，Madam？\"
\"OcertainlyaGoodLetsir。\"
\"Saytheyrenewfortheadditionalsixmonths。WoulditputyouaboutverymuchMadamif——iftheworstwastocometotheworst？\"
saidtheMajor。
\"WellIhardlyknow，\"IsaystotheMajor。\"Itdependsuponcircumstances。WouldYOUobjectSirforinstance？\"
\"I？\"saystheMajor。\"Object？JemmyJackman？Mrs。Lirriperclosewiththeproposal。\"
SoIwentup—stairsandaccepted，andtheycameinnextdaywhichwasSaturdayandtheMajorwassogoodastodrawupaMemorandumofanagreementinabeautifulroundhandandexpressionsthatsoundedtomeequallylegalandmilitary，andMr。EdsonsigneditontheMondaymorningandtheMajorcalleduponMr。EdsonontheTuesdayandMr。EdsoncalledupontheMajorontheWednesdayandtheSecondandtheparlourswereasfriendlyascouldbewished。
ThethreemonthspaidforhadrunoutandwehadgotwithoutanyfreshoverturesastopaymentintoMaymydear，whentherecameanobligationuponMr。EdsontogoabusinessexpeditionrightacrosstheIsleofMan，whichfellquiteunexpecteduponthatprettylittlethingandisnotaplacethataccordingtomyviewsisparticularlyinthewaytoanywhereatanytimebutthatmaybeamatterofopinion。Soshortanoticewasitthathewastogonextday，anddreadfullyshecriedpoorpretty，andIamsureIcriedtoowhenI
sawheronthecoldpavementinthesharpeastwind——itbeingaverybackwardspringthatyear——takingalastleaveofhimwithherprettybrighthairblowingthiswayandthatandherarmsclingingroundhisneckandhimsaying\"Theretherethere。NowletmegoPeggy。\"AndbythattimeitwasplainthatwhattheMajorhadbeensoaccommodatingastosayhewouldnotobjecttohappeninginthehouse，wouldhappeninit，andItoldherasmuchwhenhewasgonewhileIcomfortedherwithmyarmupthestaircase，forIsays\"Youwillsoonhaveotherstokeepupformyprettyandyoumustthinkofthat。\"
Hisletternevercamewhenitoughttohavecomeandwhatshewentthroughmorningaftermorningwhenthepostmanbroughtnoneforhertheverypostmanhimselfcompassionatedwhensherandowntothedoor，andyetwecannotwonderatitsbeingcalculatedtobluntthefeelingstohaveallthetroubleofotherpeople’slettersandnoneofthepleasureanddoingitoftenerinthemudandmizzlethannotandatarateofwagesmoreresemblingLittleBritainthanGreat。
Butatlastonemorningwhenshewastoopoorlytocomerunningdown—stairshesaystomewithapleasedlookinhisfacethatmademenexttolovethemaninhisuniformcoatthoughhewasdrippingwet\"IhavetakenyoufirstinthestreetthismorningMrs。
Lirriper，forhere’stheoneforMrs。Edson。\"IwentuptoherbedroomwithitasfastaseverIcouldgo，andshesatupinbedwhenshesawitandkisseditandtoreitopenandthenablankstarecameuponher。\"It’sveryshort！\"shesaysliftingherlargeeyestomyface。\"OMrs。Lirriperit’sveryshort！\"Isays\"MydearMrs。Edsonnodoubtthat’sbecauseyourhusbandhadn’ttimetowritemorejustatthattime。\"\"Nodoubt，nodoubt，\"saysshe，andputshertwohandsonherfaceandturnsroundinherbed。
IshuthersoftlyinandIcreptdown—stairsandItappedattheMajor’sdoor，andwhentheMajorhavinghisthinslicesofbaconinhisownDutchovensawmehecameoutofhischairandputmedownonthesofa。\"Hush！\"sayshe，\"Iseesomething’sthematter。Don’tspeak——taketime。\"Isays\"OMajorI’mafraidthere’scruelworkup—stairs。\"\"Yesyes\"sayshe\"Ihadbeguntobeafraidofit——taketime。\"Andtheninoppositiontohisownwordsheragesoutfrightfully，andsays\"IshallneverforgivemyselfMadam，thatI，JemmyJackman，didn’tseeitallthatmorning——didn’tgostraightup—stairswhenmyboot—spongewasinmyhand——didn’tforceitdownhisthroat——andchokehimdeadwithitonthespot！\"
TheMajorandmeagreedwhenwecametoourselvesthatjustatpresentwecoulddonomorethantakeontosuspectnothinganduseourbestendeavourstokeepthatpooryoungcreaturequiet，andwhatIevershouldhavedonewithouttheMajorwhenitgotaboutamongtheorgan—menthatquietwasourobjectisunknown，forhemadelionandtigerwaruponthemtothatdegreethatwithoutseeingitI
couldnothavebelieveditwasinanygentlemantohavesuchapowerofburstingoutwithfire—ironswalking—stickswater—jugscoalspotatoesoffhistabletheveryhatoffhishead，andatthesametimesofuriousinforeignlanguagesthattheywouldstandwiththeirhandleshalf—turnedfixedliketheSleepingUgly——forIcannotsayBeauty。
EvertoseethepostmancomenearthehousenowgavemesuchIfearthatitwasareprievewhenhewentby，butinaboutanothertendaysorafortnighthesaysagain，\"Here’soneforMrs。Edson。——Issheprettywell？\"\"Sheisprettywellpostman，butnotwellenoughtorisesoearlyassheused\"whichwassofargospel—truth。
IcarriedtheletterintotheMajorathisbreakfastandIsaystottering\"MajorIhavenotthecouragetotakeituptoher。\"
\"It’sanill—lookingvillainofaletter，\"saystheMajor。
\"IhavenotthecourageMajor\"Isaysagaininatremble\"totakeituptoher。\"
AfterseeminglostinconsiderationforsomemomentstheMajorsays，raisinghisheadasifsomethingnewandusefulhadoccurredtohismind\"Mrs。Lirriper，IshallneverforgivemyselfthatI，JemmyJackman，didn’tgostraightup—stairsthatmorningwhenmyboot—
spongewasinmyhand——andforceitdownhisthroat——andchokehimdeadwithit。\"
\"Major\"Isaysalittlehasty\"youdidn’tdoitwhichisablessing，foritwouldhavedonenogoodandIthinkyourspongewasbetteremployedonyourownhonourableboots。\"
Sowegottoberational，andplannedthatIshouldtapatherbedroomdoorandlaytheletteronthematoutsideandwaitontheupperlandingforwhatmighthappen，andneverwasgunpowdercannon—
ballsorshellsorrocketsmoredreadedthanthatdreadfulletterwasbymeasItookittothesecondfloor。
Aterribleloudscreamsoundedthroughthehousetheminuteaftershehadopenedit，andIfoundheronthefloorlyingasifherlifewasgone。MydearIneverlookedatthefaceoftheletterwhichwaslying，openbyher，fortherewasnooccasion。
EverythingIneededtobringherroundtheMajorbroughtupwithhisownhands，besidesrunningouttothechemist’sforwhatwasnotinthehouseandlikewisehavingthefiercestofallhismanyskirmisheswithamusicalinstrumentrepresentingaball—roomIdonotknowinwhatparticularcountryandcompanywaltzinginandoutatfolding—doorswithrollingeyes。WhenafteralongtimeIsawhercomingto，IslippedonthelandingtillIheardhercry，andthenIwentinandsayscheerily\"Mrs。Edsonyou’renotwellmydearandit’snottobewonderedat，\"asifIhadnotbeeninbefore。
WhethershebelievedordisbelievedIcannotsayanditwouldsignifynothingifIcould，butIstayedbyherforhoursandthensheGodeverblessesme！andsaysshewilltrytorestforherheadisbad。
\"Major，\"Iwhispers，lookinginattheparlours，\"Ibegandprayofyoudon’tgoout。\"
TheMajorwhispers，\"Madam，trustmeIwilldonosuchathing。Howisshe？\"
Isays\"MajorthegoodLordaboveusonlyknowswhatburnsandragesinherpoormind。Ilefthersittingatherwindow。Iamgoingtositatmine。\"
Itcameonafternoonanditcameonevening。Norfolkisadelightfulstreettolodgein——providedyoudon’tgolowerdown——butofasummereveningwhenthedustandwastepaperlieinitandstraychildrenplayinitandakindofagrittycalmandbakesettlesonitandapealofchurch—bellsispractisingintheneighbourhooditisatrifledull，andneverhaveIseenitsinceatsuchatimeandnevershallIseeitevermoreatsuchatimewithoutseeingthedullJuneeveningwhenthatforlornyoungcreaturesatatheropencornerwindowonthesecondandmeatmyopencornerwindow（theothercorner）onthethird。Somethingmerciful，somethingwiserandbetterfarthanmyownself，hadmovedmewhileitwasyetlighttositinmybonnetandshawl，andastheshadowsfellandthetideroseIcouldsometimes——whenIputoutmyheadandlookedatherwindowbelow——seethatsheleanedoutalittlelookingdownthestreet。ItwasjustsettlingdarkwhenIsawHERinthestreet。
SofearfuloflosingsightofherthatitalmoststopsmybreathwhileItellit，Iwentdown—stairsfasterthanIevermovedinallmylifeandonlytappedwithmyhandattheMajor’sdoorinpassingitandslippingout。Shewasgonealready。ImadethesamespeeddownthestreetandwhenIcametothecornerofHowardStreetIsawthatshehadturneditandwasthereplainbeforemegoingtowardsthewest。OwithwhatathankfulheartIsawhergoingalong！
ShewasquiteunacquaintedwithLondonandhadveryseldombeenoutformorethananairinginourownstreetwheresheknewtwoorthreelittlechildrenbelongingtoneighboursandhadsometimesstoodamongthematthestreetlookingatthewater。ShemustbegoingathazardIknew，stillshekepttheby—streetsquitecorrectlyaslongastheywouldserveher，andthenturnedupintotheStrand。ButateverycornerIcouldseeherheadturnedoneway，andthatwaywasalwaystheriverway。
ItmayhavebeenonlythedarknessandquietoftheAdelphithatcausedhertostrikeintoitbutshestruckintoitmuchasreadilyasifshehadsetouttogothere，whichperhapswasthecase。ShewentstraightdowntotheTerraceandalongitandlookedovertheironrail，andIoftenwokeafterwardsinmyownbedwiththehorrorofseeingherdoit。Thedesertionofthewharfbelowandtheflowingofthehighwaterthereseemedtosettleherpurpose。Shelookedaboutasiftomakeoutthewaydown，andshestruckouttherightwayorthewrongway——Idon’tknowwhich，forIdon’tknowtheplacebeforeorsince——andIfollowedherthewayshewent。
Itwasnoticeablethatallthistimesheneveroncelookedback。
Buttherewasnowagreatchangeinthemannerofhergoing，andinsteadofgoingatasteadyquickwalkwithherarmsfoldedbeforeher，——amongthedarkdismalarchesshewentinawildwaywithherarmsopenedwide，asiftheywerewingsandshewasflyingtoherdeath。
Wewereonthewharfandshestopped。Istopped。Isawherhandsatherbonnet—strings，andIrushedbetweenherandthebrinkandtookherroundthewaistwithbothmyarms。Shemighthavedrownedme，Ifeltthen，butshecouldneverhavegotquitofme。
DowntothatmomentmymindhadbeenallinamazeandnothalfanideahadIhadinitwhatIshouldsaytoher，buttheinstantI
touchedheritcametomelikemagicandIhadmynaturalvoiceandmysensesandevenalmostmybreath。
\"Mrs。Edson！\"Isays\"Mydear！Takecare。Howeverdidyouloseyourwayandstumbleonadangerousplacelikethis？WhyyoumusthavecomeherebythemostperplexingstreetsinallLondon。Nowonderyouarelost，I’msure。Andthisplacetoo！WhyIthoughtnobodyevergothere，exceptmetoordermycoalsandtheMajorintheparlourstosmokehiscigar！\"——forIsawthatblessedmancloseby，pretendingtoit。
\"Hah——Hah——Hum！\"coughstheMajor。
\"Andgoodgraciousme\"Isays，\"whyhereheis！\"
\"Halloa！whogoesthere？\"saystheMajorinamilitarymanner。
\"Well！\"Isays，\"ifthisdon’tbeateverything！Don’tyouknowusMajorJackman？\"
\"Halloa！\"saystheMajor。\"WhocallsonJemmyJackman？\"（andmoreoutofbreathhewas，anddiditlesslikelifethanIshouldhaveexpected。）
\"Whyhere’sMrs。EdsonMajor\"Isays，\"strollingouttocoolherpoorheadwhichhasbeenverybad，hasmissedherwayandgotlost，andGoodnessknowswhereshemighthavegottobutformecomingheretodropanorderintomycoalmerchant’sletter—boxandyoucomingheretosmokeyourcigar！——Andyoureallyarenotwellenoughmydear\"Isaystoher\"tobehalfsofarfromhomewithoutme。AndyourarmwillbeveryacceptableIamsureMajor\"Isaystohim\"andIknowshemayleanuponitasheavyasshelikes。\"Andnowwehadbothgother——thanksbeAbove！——oneoneachside。
ShewasallinacoldshiverandshesocontinuedtillIlaidheronherownbed，anduptotheearlymorningsheheldmebythehandandmoanedandmoaned\"Owicked，wicked，wicked！\"ButwhenatlastI
madebelievetodroopmyheadandbeoverpoweredwithadeadsleep，IheardthatpooryoungcreaturegivesuchtouchingandsuchhumblethanksforbeingpreservedfromtakingherownlifeinhermadnessthatIthoughtIshouldhavecriedmyeyesoutonthecounterpaneandIknewshewassafe。
Beingwellenoughtodoandabletoaffordit，meandtheMajorlaidourlittleplansnextdaywhileshewasasleepwornout，andsoI
saystoherassoonasIcoulddoitnicely：
\"Mrs。Edsonmydear，whenMr。Edsonpaidmetherentforthesefarthersixmonths——\"
ShegaveastartandIfeltherlargeeyeslookatme，butIwentonwithitandwithmyneedlework。
\"——Ican’tsaythatIamquitesureIdatedthereceiptright。