byOliveSchreinerALittleAfricanStorybyOliveSchreinerDedication。
ToMyBrotherFred,Forwhoselittleschoolmagazinethefirstofthesetinystories——oneofthefirstIevermade——waswrittenoutmanylongyearsago。
O。S。
NewCollege,Eastbourne,Sept。29,1893。
Contents。
I。DreamLifeandRealLife;aLittleAfricanStory。
II。TheWoman’sRose。
III。\"ThePolicyinFavourofProtection——\"。
Kopjes—Inthekaroo,arehillocksofstones,thatriseupsinglyorinclusters,hereandthere;presentingsometimesthefantasticappearanceofoldruinedcastlesorgiantgraves,theworkofhumanhands。
Kraal—Asheepfold。
Krantz—Aprecipice。
Sluit—Adeepfissure,generallydry,inwhichthesuperfluoustorrentsofwaterarecarriedfromthekarooplainsafterthunderstorms。
Stoep—Aporch。
I。DREAMLIFEANDREALLIFE;ALITTLEAFRICANSTORY。
LittleJannitasatalonebesideamilk—bush。Beforeherandbehindherstretchedtheplain,coveredwithredsandandthornykaroobushes;andhereandthereamilk—bush,lookinglikeabundleofpalegreenrodstiedtogether。Notatreewastobeseenanywhere,exceptonthebanksoftheriver,andthatwasfaraway,andthesunbeatonherhead。RoundherfedtheAngoragoatsshewasherding;prettythings,especiallythelittleones,withwhitesilkycurlsthattouchedtheground。ButJannitasatcrying。Ifanangelshouldgatherupinhiscupallthetearsthathavebeenshed,Ithinkthebitterestwouldbethoseofchildren。
Byandbyshewassotired,andthesunwassohot,shelaidherheadagainstthemilk—bush,anddroppedasleep。
Shedreamedabeautifuldream。Shethoughtthatwhenshewentbacktothefarmhouseintheevening,thewallswerecoveredwithvinesandroses,andthekraalswerenotmadeofredstone,butoflilactreesfullofblossom。
AndthefatoldBoersmiledather;andthestickheheldacrossthedoor,forthegoatstojumpover,wasalilyrodwithsevenblossomsattheend。
Whenshewenttothehousehermistressgaveherawholeroaster—cakeforhersupper,andthemistress’sdaughterhadstuckaroseinthecake;andhermistress’sson—in—lawsaid,\"Thankyou!\"whenshepulledoffhisboots,anddidnotkickher。
Itwasabeautifuldream。
Whileshelaythusdreaming,oneofthelittlekidscameandlickedheronhercheek,becauseofthesaltfromherdried—uptears。Andinherdreamshewasnotapoorindenturedchildanymore,livingwithBoers。Itwasherfatherwhokissedher。Hesaidhehadonlybeenasleep——thatdaywhenhelaydownunderthethorn—bush;hehadnotreallydied。Hefeltherhair,andsaiditwasgrownlongandsilky,andhesaidtheywouldgobacktoDenmarknow。Heaskedherwhyherfeetwerebare,andwhatthemarksonherbackwere。Thenheputherheadonhisshoulder,andpickedherup,andcarriedheraway,away!Shelaughed——shecouldfeelherfaceagainsthisbrownbeard。Hisarmsweresostrong。
Asshelaytheredreaming,withtheantsrunningoverhernakedfeet,andwithherbrowncurlslyinginthesand,aHottentotcameuptoher。Hewasdressedinraggedyellowtrousers,andadirtyshirt,andtornjacket。Hehadaredhandkerchiefroundhishead,andafelthatabovethat。Hisnosewasflat,hiseyeslikeslits,andthewoolonhisheadwasgatheredintolittleroundballs。Hecametothemilk—bush,andlookedatthelittlegirllyinginthehotsun。Thenhewalkedoff,andcaughtoneofthefattestlittleAngoragoats,andhelditsmouthfast,ashestuckitunderhisarm。Helookedbacktoseethatshewasstillsleeping,andjumpeddownintooneofthesluits。Hewalkeddownthebedofthesluitalittlewayandcametoanoverhangingbank,underwhich,sittingontheredsand,weretwomen。Onewasatiny,ragged,oldbushman,fourfeethigh;theotherwasanEnglishnavvy,inadarkblueblouse。Theycutthekid’sthroatwiththenavvy’slongknife,andcoveredupthebloodwithsand,andburiedtheentrailsandskin。Thentheytalked,andquarrelledalittle;andthentheytalkedquietlyagain。
TheHottentotmanputalegofthekidunderhiscoatandlefttherestofthemeatforthetwointhesluit,andwalkedaway。
WhenlittleJannitaawokeitwasalmostsunset。Shesatupveryfrightened,buthergoatswereallabouther。Shebegantodrivethemhome。\"Idonotthinkthereareanylost,\"shesaid。
Dirk,theHottentot,hadbroughthisflockhomealready,andstoodatthekraaldoorwithhisraggedyellowtrousers。ThefatoldBoerputhisstickacrossthedoor,andletJannita’sgoatsjumpover,onebyone。Hecountedthem。Whenthelastjumpedover:\"Haveyoubeentosleeptoday?\"hesaid;
\"thereisonemissing。\"
ThenlittleJannitaknewwhatwascoming,andshesaid,inalowvoice,\"No。\"Andthenshefeltinherheartthatdeadlysicknessthatyoufeelwhenyoutellalie;andagainshesaid,\"Yes。\"
\"Doyouthinkyouwillhaveanysupperthisevening?\"saidtheBoer。
\"No,\"saidJannita。
\"Whatdoyouthinkyouwillhave?\"
\"Idon’tknow,\"saidJannita。
\"Givemeyourwhip,\"saidtheBoertoDirk,theHottentot……
Themoonwasallbutfullthatnight。Oh,butitslightwasbeautiful!
Thelittlegirlcrepttothedooroftheouthousewheresheslept,andlookedatit。Whenyouarehungry,andvery,verysore,youdonotcry。
Sheleanedherchinononehand,andlooked,withhergreatdove’seyes——
theotherhandwascutopen,soshewrappeditinherpinafore。Shelookedacrosstheplainatthesandandthelowkaroo—bushes,withthemoonlightonthem。
Presently,therecameslowly,fromfaraway,awildspringbuck。Itcameclosetothehouse,andstoodlookingatitinwonder,whilethemoonlightglintedonitshorns,andinitsgreateyes。Itstoodwonderingattheredbrickwalls,andthegirlwatchedit。Then,suddenly,asifitscorneditall,itcurveditsbeautifulbackandturned;andawayitfledoverthebushesandsand,likeasheenystreakofwhitelightning。Shestooduptowatchit。Sofree,sofree!Away,away!Shewatched,tillshecouldseeitnomoreonthewideplain。
Herheartswelled,larger,larger,larger:sheutteredalowcry;andwithoutwaiting,pausing,thinking,shefollowedonitstrack。Away,away,away!\"I——Ialso!\"shesaid,\"I——Ialso!\"
Whenatlastherlegsbegantotrembleunderher,andshestoppedtobreathe,thehousewasaspeckbehindher。Shedroppedontheearth,andheldherpantingsides。
Shebegantothinknow。
Ifshestayedontheplaintheywouldtraceherfootstepsinthemorningandcatchher;butifshewadedinthewaterinthebedoftherivertheywouldnotbeabletofindherfootmarks;andshewouldhide,therewheretherocksandthekopjeswere。
Soshestoodupandwalkedtowardstheriver。Thewaterintheriverwaslow;justalineofsilverinthebroadbedofsand,hereandtherebroadeningintoapool。Shesteppedintoit,andbathedherfeetinthedeliciouscoldwater。Upandupthestreamshewalked,whereitrattledoverthepebbles,andpastwherethefarmhouselay;andwheretherockswerelargesheleapedfromonetotheother。Thenightwindinherfacemadeherstrong——shelaughed。Shehadneverfeltsuchnightwindbefore。
Sothenightsmellstothewildbucks,becausetheyarefree!Afreethingfeelsasachainedthingnevercan。
Atlastshecametoaplacewherethewillowsgrewoneachsideoftheriver,andtrailedtheirlongbranchesonthesandybed。Shecouldnottellwhy,shecouldnottellthereason,butafeelingoffearcameoverher。
Ontheleftbankroseachainofkopjesandaprecipiceofrocks。Betweentheprecipiceandtheriverbanktherewasanarrowpathcoveredbythefragmentsoffallenrock。Anduponthesummitoftheprecipiceakippersoltreegrew,whosepalm—likeleaveswereclearlycutoutagainstthenightsky。Therockscastadeepshadow,andthewillowtrees,oneithersideoftheriver。Shepaused,lookedupandabouther,andthenranon,fearful。
\"WhatwasIafraidof?HowfoolishIhavebeen!\"shesaid,whenshecametoaplacewherethetreeswerenotsoclosetogether。Andshestoodstillandlookedbackandshivered。
Atlastherstepsgrewwearierandwearier。Shewasverysleepynow,shecouldscarcelyliftherfeet。Shesteppedoutoftheriver—bed。Sheonlysawthattherocksaboutherwerewild,asthoughmanylittlekopjeshadbeenbrokenupandstrewnupontheground,laydownatthefootofanaloe,andfellasleep……
But,inthemorning,shesawwhatagloriousplaceitwas。Therockswerepiledononeanother,andtossedthiswayandthat。Pricklypearsgrewamongthem,andtherewerenolessthansixkippersoltreesscatteredhereandthereamongthebrokenkopjes。Intherockstherewerehundredsofhomesfortheconies,andfromthecreviceswildasparagushungdown。Sherantotheriver,bathedintheclearcoldwater,andtosseditoverherhead。Shesangaloud。Allthesongssheknewweresad,soshecouldnotsingthemnow,shewasglad,shewassofree;butshesangthenoteswithoutthewords,asthecock—o—veetsdo。Singingandjumpingalltheway,shewentback,andtookasharpstone,andcutattherootofakippersol,andgotoutalargepiece,aslongasherarm,andsattochewit。Twoconiescameoutontherockaboveherheadandpeepedather。Sheheldthemoutapiece,buttheydidnotwantit,andranaway。
Itwasverydelicioustoher。Kippersolislikerawquince,whenitisverygreen;butshelikedit。Whengoodfoodisthrownatyoubyotherpeople,strangetosay,itisverybitter;butwhateveryoufindyourselfissweet!
Whenshehadfinishedshedugoutanotherpiece,andwenttolookforapantrytoputitin。Atthetopofaheapofrocksupwhichsheclamberedshefoundthatsomelargestonesstoodapartbutmetatthetop,makingaroom。
\"Oh,thisismylittlehome!\"shesaid。
Atthetopandallrounditwasclosed,onlyinthefrontitwasopen。
Therewasabeautifulshelfinthewallforthekippersol,andshescrambleddownagain。Shebroughtagreatbunchofpricklypear,andstuckitinacrevicebeforethedoor,andhungwildasparagusoverit,tillitlookedasthoughitgrewthere。Noonecouldseethattherewasaroomthere,forsheleftonlyatinyopening,andhungabranchoffeatheryasparagusoverit。Thenshecreptintoseehowitlooked。Therewasaglorioussoftgreenlight。Thenshewentoutandpickedsomeofthosepurplelittlegroundflowers——youknowthem——thosethatkeeptheirfacesclosetotheground,butwhenyouturnthemupandlookatthemtheyaredeepblueeyeslookingintoyours!Shetookthemwithalittleearth,andputtheminthecrevicesbetweentherocks;andsotheroomwasquitefurnished。Afterwardsshewentdowntotheriverandbroughtherarmsfullofwillow,andmadealovelybed;and,becausetheweatherwasveryhot,shelaydowntorestuponit。
Shewenttosleepsoon,andsleptlong,forshewasveryweak。Lateintheafternoonshewasawakenedbyafewcolddropsfallingonherface。Shesatup。Agreatandfiercethunderstormhadbeenraging,andafewofthecooldropshadfallenthroughthecreviceintherocks。Shepushedtheasparagusbranchaside,andlookedout,withherlittlehandsfoldedaboutherknees。Sheheardthethunderrolling,andsawtheredtorrentsrushamongthestonesontheirwaytotheriver。Sheheardtheroaroftheriverasitnowrolled,angryandred,bearingawaystumpsandtreesonitsmuddywater。Shelistenedandsmiled,andpressedclosertotherockthattookcareofher。Shepressedthepalmofherhandagainstit。Whenyouhavenoonetoloveyou,youlovethedumbthingsverymuch。Whenthesunset,itclearedup。Thenthelittlegirlatesomekippersol,andlaydownagaintosleep。Shethoughttherewasnothingsoniceastosleep。Whenonehashadnofoodbutkippersoljuicefortwodays,onedoesn’tfeelstrong。
\"Itissonicehere,\"shethoughtasshewenttosleep,\"Iwillstayherealways。\"
Afterwardsthemoonrose。Theskywasveryclearnow,therewasnotacloudanywhere;andthemoonshoneinthroughthebushesinthedoor,andmadealattice—workoflightonherface。Shewasdreamingabeautifuldream。Theloveliestdreamsofallaredreamedwhenyouarehungry。Shethoughtshewaswalkinginabeautifulplace,holdingherfather’shand,andtheybothhadcrownsontheirheads,crownsofwildasparagus。Thepeoplewhomtheypassedsmiledandkissedher;somegaveherflowers,andsomegaveherfood,andthesunlightwaseverywhere。Shedreamedthesamedreamoverandover,anditgrewmoreandmorebeautiful;till,suddenly,itseemedasthoughshewerestandingquitealone。Shelookedup:ononesideofherwasthehighprecipice,ontheotherwastheriver,withthewillowtrees,droopingtheirbranchesintothewater;andthemoonlightwasoverall。Up,againstthenightskythepointedleavesofthekippersoltreeswereclearlymarked,andtherocksandthewillowtreescastdarkshadows。
Inhersleepsheshivered,andhalfawoke。
\"Ah,Iamnotthere,Iamhere,\"shesaid;andshecreptclosertotherock,andkissedit,andwenttosleepagain。
Itmusthavebeenaboutthreeo’clock,forthemoonhadbeguntosinktowardsthewesternsky,whenshewoke,withaviolentstart。Shesatup,andpressedherhandagainstherheart。
\"Whatcanitbe?Aconymustsurelyhaverunacrossmyfeetandfrightenedme!\"shesaid,andsheturnedtoliedownagain;butsoonshesatup。
Outside,therewasthedistinctsoundofthornscracklinginafire。
Shecrepttothedoorandmadeanopeninginthebrancheswithherfingers。
Alargefirewasblazingintheshadow,atthefootoftherocks。AlittleBushmansatoversomeburningcoalsthathadbeenrakedfromit,cookingmeat。StretchedonthegroundwasanEnglishman,dressedinablouse,andwithaheavy,sullenface。OnthestonebesidehimwasDirk,theHottentot,sharpeningabowieknife。
Sheheldherbreath。Notaconyinalltherockswassostill。
\"Theycanneverfindmehere,\"shesaid;andsheknelt,andlistenedtoeverywordtheysaid。Shecouldhearitall。
\"Youmayhaveallthemoney,\"saidtheBushman;\"butIwantthecaskofbrandy。Iwillsettheroofalightinsixplaces,foraDutchmanburntmymotheroncealiveinahut,withthreechildren。\"
\"Youaresurethereisnooneelseonthefarm?\"saidthenavvy。
\"No,IhavetoldyoutillIamtired,\"saidDirk;\"ThetwoKaffirshavegonewiththesontotown;andthemaidshavegonetoadance;thereisonlytheoldmanandthetwowomenleft。\"
\"Butsuppose,\"saidthenavvy,\"heshouldhavethegunathisbedside,andloaded!\"
\"Heneverhas,\"saidDirk;\"ithangsinthepassage,andthecartridgestoo。Heneverthoughtwhenheboughtitwhatworkitwasfor!Ionlywishthelittlewhitegirlwastherestill,\"saidDirk;\"butsheisdrowned。Wetracedherfootmarkstothegreatpoolthathasnobottom。\"
Shelistenedtoeveryword,andtheytalkedon。
Afterwards,thelittleBushman,whocrouchedoverthefire,satupsuddenly,listening。
\"Ha!whatisthat?\"hesaid。
ABushmanislikeadog:hisearissofineheknowsajackal’streadfromawilddog’s。
\"Iheardnothing,\"saidthenavvy。
\"Iheard,\"saidtheHottentot;\"butitwasonlyaconyontherocks。\"
\"Nocony,nocony,\"saidtheBushman;\"see,whatisthattheremovingintheshaderoundthepoint?\"
\"Nothing,youidiot!\"saidthenavvy。\"Finishyourmeat;wemuststartnow。\"
Thereweretworoadstothehomestead。Onewentalongtheopenplain,andwasbyfartheshortest;butyoumightbeseenhalfamileoff。Theotherranalongtheriverbank,wheretherewererocks,andholes,andwillowtreestohideamong。Andalldowntheriverbankranalittlefigure。
Theriverwasswollenbythestormfulltoitsbanks,andthewillowtreesdippedtheirhalf—drownedbranchesintoitswater。Wherevertherewasagapbetweenthem,youcouldseeitflow,redandmuddy,withthestumpsuponit。Butthelittlefigureranonandon;neverlooking,neverthinking;panting,panting!There,wheretherockswerethethickest;
there,whereontheopenspacethemoonlightshone;there,wherethepricklypearsweretangled,andtherockscastshadows,onitran;thelittlehandsclinched,thelittleheartbeating,theeyesfixedalwaysahead。
Itwasnotfartorunnow。Onlythenarrowpathbetweenthehighrocksandtheriver。
Atlastshecametotheendofit,andstoodforaninstant。Beforeherlaytheplain,andtheredfarmhouse,sonear,thatifpersonshadbeenwalkingthereyoumighthaveseentheminthemoonlight。Sheclaspedherhands。\"Yes,Iwilltellthem,Iwilltellthem!\"shesaid;\"Iamalmostthere!\"Sheranforwardagain,thenhesitated。Sheshadedhereyesfromthemoonlight,andlooked。Betweenherandthefarmhousetherewerethreefiguresmovingoverthelowbushes。
Inthesheenymoonlightyoucouldseehowtheymovedon,slowlyandfurtively;theshortone,andtheoneinlightclothes,andtheoneindark。
\"Icannothelpthemnow!\"shecried,andsankdownontheground,withherlittlehandsclaspedbeforeher……
\"Awake,awake!\"saidthefarmer’swife;\"Ihearastrangenoise;somethingcalling,calling,calling!\"
Themanrose,andwenttothewindow。
\"Ihearitalso,\"hesaid;\"surelysomejackal’satthesheep。Iwillloadmygunandgoandsee。\"
\"Itsoundstomelikethecryofnojackal,\"saidthewoman;andwhenhewasgoneshewokeherdaughter。
\"Come,letusgoandmakeafire,Icansleepnomore,\"shesaid;\"Ihaveheardastrangethingtonight。Yourfathersaiditwasajackal’scry,butnojackalcriesso。Itwasachild’svoice,anditcried,’Master,master,wake!’\"
Thewomenlookedateachother;thentheywenttothekitchen,andmadeagreatfire;andtheysangpsalmsallthewhile。
Atlastthemancameback;andtheyaskedhim,\"Whathaveyouseen?\"
\"Nothing,\"hesaid,\"butthesheepasleepintheirkraals,andthemoonlightonthewalls。Andyet,itdidseemtome,\"headded,\"thatfarawaynearthekrantzbytheriver,Isawthreefiguresmoving。Andafterwards——itmighthavebeenfancy——IthoughtIheardthecryagain;butsincethat,allhasbeenstillthere。\"……
Nextdayanavvyhadreturnedtotherailwayworks。
\"Wherehaveyoubeensolong?\"hiscomradesasked。
\"Hekeepslookingoverhisshoulder,\"saidone,\"asthoughhethoughtheshouldseesomethingthere。\"
\"Whenhedrankhisgrogtoday,\"saidanother,\"heletitfall,andlookedround。\"
Nextday,asmalloldBushman,andaHottentot,inraggedyellowtrousers,wereatawaysidecanteen。WhentheBushmanhadhadbrandy,hebegantotellhowsomething(hedidnotsaywhetheritwasman,woman,orchild)hadliftedupitshandsandcriedformercy;hadkissedawhiteman’shands,andcriedtohimtohelpit。ThentheHottentottooktheBushmanbythethroat,anddraggedhimout。
Nextnight,themoonroseup,andmountedthequietsky。Shewasfullnow,andlookedinatthelittlehome;atthepurpleflowersstuckabouttheroom,andthekippersolontheshelf。Herlightfellonthewillowtrees,andonthehighrocks,andonalittlenew—madeheapofearthandroundstones。Threemenknewwhatwasunderit;andnooneelseeverwill。
LilyKloof,SouthAfrica。
II。THEWOMAN’SROSE。
Ihaveanold,browncarvedbox;thelidisbrokenandtiedwithastring。
InitIkeeplittlesquaresofpaper,withhairinside,andalittlepicturewhichhungovermybrother’sbedwhenwewerechildren,andotherthingsassmall。Ihaveinitarose。Otherwomenalsohavesuchboxeswheretheykeepsuchtrifles,butnoonehasmyrose。
Whenmyeyeisdim,andmyheartgrowsfaint,andmyfaithinwomanflickers,andherpresentisanagonytome,andherfutureadespair,thescentofthatdeadrose,witheredfortwelveyears,comesbacktome。I
knowtherewillbespring;assurelyasthebirdsknowitwhentheyseeabovethesnowtwotiny,quiveringgreenleaves。Springcannotfailus。
Therewereotherflowersintheboxonce;abunchofwhiteacaciaflowers,gatheredbythestronghandofaman,aswepasseddownavillagestreetonasultryafternoon,whenithadrained,andthedropsfellonusfromtheleavesoftheacaciatrees。Theflowersweredamp;theymademildewmarksonthepaperIfoldedthemin。AftermanyyearsIthrewthemaway。Thereisnothingofthemleftintheboxnow,butafaint,strongsmellofdriedacacia,thatrecallsthatsultrysummerafternoon;buttheroseisintheboxstill。
Itismanyyearsagonow;Iwasagirloffifteen,andIwenttovisitinasmallup—countrytown。Itwasyounginthosedays,andtwodays’journeyfromthenearestvillage;thepopulationconsistedmainlyofmen。Afewweremarried,andhadtheirwivesandchildren,butmostweresingle。
TherewasonlyoneyounggirltherewhenIcame。Shewasaboutseventeen,fair,andratherfully—fleshed;shehadlargedreamyblueeyes,andwavylighthair;full,ratherheavylips,untilshesmiled;thenherfacebrokeintodimples,andallherwhiteteethshone。Thehotel—keepermayhavehadadaughter,andthefarmerintheoutskirtshadtwo,butweneversawthem。
Shereignedalone。Allthemenworshippedher。Shewastheonlywomantheyhadtothinkof。Theytalkedofheronthestoep,atthemarket,atthehotel;theywatchedforheratstreetcorners;theyhatedthemanshebowedtoorwalkedwithdownthestreet。Theybroughtflowerstothefrontdoor;theyofferedhertheirhorses;theybeggedhertomarrythemwhentheydared。Partly,therewassomethingnobleandheroicinthisdevotionofmentothebestwomantheyknew;partlytherewassomethingnaturalinit,thatthesemen,shutofffromtheworld,shouldpouratthefeetofonewomantheworshipthatotherwisewouldhavebeengiventotwenty;andpartlytherewassomethingmeanintheirenvyofoneanother。Ifshehadraisedherlittlefinger,Isuppose,shemighthavemarriedanyoneoutoftwentyofthem。
ThenIcame。IdonotthinkIwasprettier;IdonotthinkIwassoprettyasshewas。Iwascertainlynotashandsome。ButIwasvital,andIwasnew,andshewasold——theyallforsookherandfollowedme。Theyworshippedme。Itwastomydoorthattheflowerscame;itwasIhadtwentyhorsesofferedmewhenIcouldonlyrideone;itwasformetheywaitedatstreetcorners;itwaswhatIsaidanddidthattheytalkedof。
PartlyIlikedit。Ihadlivedaloneallmylife;nooneeverhadtoldmeIwasbeautifulandawoman。Ibelievedthem。Ididnotknowitwassimplyafashion,whichonemanhadsetandtherestfollowedunreasoningly。Ilikedthemtoaskmetomarrythem,andtosay,No。I
despisedthem。Themotherhearthadnotswelledinmeyet;Ididnotknowallmenweremychildren,asthelargewomanknowswhenherheartisgrown。
Iwastoosmalltobetender。Ilikedmypower。Iwaslikeachildwithanewwhip,whichitgoesaboutcrackingeverywhere,notcaringagainstwhat。
Icouldnotwinditupandputitaway。Menwerecuriouscreatures,wholikedme,Icouldnevertellwhy。Onlyonethingtookfrommypleasure;I
couldnotbearthattheyhaddesertedherforme。Ilikedhergreatdreamyblueeyes,Ilikedherslowwalkanddrawl;whenIsawhersittingamongmen,sheseemedtomemuchtoogoodtobeamongthem;Iwouldhavegivenalltheircomplimentsifshewouldoncehavesmiledatmeasshesmiledatthem,withallherfacebreakingintoradiance,withherdimplesandflashingteeth。ButIknewitnevercouldbe;Ifeltsureshehatedme;
thatshewishedIwasdead;thatshewishedIhadnevercometothevillage。Shedidnotknow,whenwewentoutriding,andamanwhohadalwaysriddenbesidehercametoridebesideme,thatIsenthimaway;thatoncewhenamanthoughttowinmyfavourbyridiculingherslowdrawlbeforemeIturnedonhimsofiercelythatheneverdaredcomebeforemeagain。Iknewsheknewthatatthehotelmenhadmadeabetastowhichwastheprettier,sheorI,andhadaskedeachmanwhocamein,andthattheonewhohadstakedonmewon。Ihatedthemforit,butIwouldnotletherseethatIcaredaboutwhatshefelttowardsme。
SheandIneverspoketoeachother。
Ifwemetinthevillagestreetwebowedandpassedon;whenweshookhandswedidsosilently,anddidnotlookateachother。ButIthoughtshefeltmypresenceinaroomjustasIfelthers。
Atlastthetimeformygoingcame。Iwastoleavethenextday。SomeoneIknewgaveapartyinmyhonour,towhichallthevillagewasinvited。
Itwasmidwinter。Therewasnothinginthegardensbutafewdahliasandchrysanthemums,andIsupposethatfortwohundredmilesroundtherewasnotarosetobeboughtforloveormoney。Onlyinthegardenofafriendofmine,inasunnycornerbetweentheovenandthebrickwall,therewasarosetreegrowingwhichhadonitonebud。Itwaswhite,andithadbeenpromisedtothefairhairedgirltowearattheparty。
Theeveningcame;whenIarrivedandwenttothewaiting—room,totakeoffmymantle,Ifoundthegirltherealready。Shewasdressedinpurewhite,withhergreatwhitearmsandshouldersshowing,andherbrighthairglitteringinthecandle—light,andthewhiterosefastenedatherbreast。
Shelookedlikeaqueen。Isaid\"Good—evening,\"andturnedawayquicklytotheglasstoarrangemyoldblackscarfacrossmyoldblackdress。
ThenIfeltahandtouchmyhair。
\"Standstill,\"shesaid。
Ilookedintheglass。Shehadtakenthewhiterosefromherbreast,andwasfasteningitinmyhair。
\"Hownicedarkhairis;itsetsoffflowersso。\"Shesteppedbackandlookedatme。\"Itlooksmuchbetterthere!\"
Iturnedround。
\"Youaresobeautifultome,\"Isaid。
\"Y—e—s,\"shesaid,withherslowColonialdrawl;\"I’msoglad。\"
Westoodlookingateachother。
Thentheycameinandsweptusawaytodance。Alltheeveningwedidnotcomeneartoeachother。Onlyonce,asshepassed,shesmiledatme。
ThenextmorningIleftthetown。
Ineversawheragain。
YearsafterwardsIheardshehadmarriedandgonetoAmerica;itmayormaynotbeso——buttherose——theroseisintheboxstill!Whenmyfaithinwomangrowsdim,anditseemsthatforwantofloveandmagnanimityshecanplaynopartinanyfutureheaven;thenthescentofthatsmallwitheredthingcomesback:——springcannotfailus。
Matjesfontein,SouthAfrica。
III。\"THEPOLICYINFAVOUROFPROTECTION——\"。
WasitRight?——WasitWrong?
Awomansatatherdeskinthecornerofaroom;behindherafireburntbrightly。
Presentlyaservantcameinandgaveheracard。
\"SayIambusyandcanseenoonenow。Ihavetofinishthisarticlebytwoo’clock。\"
Theservantcameback。Thecallersaidshewouldonlykeepheramoment:
itwasnecessarysheshouldseeher。
Thewomanrosefromherdesk。\"Telltheboytowait。Asktheladytocomein。\"
Ayoungwomaninasilkdress,withacloakreachingtoherfeet,entered。
Shewastallandslight,withfairhair。
\"Iknewyouwouldnotmind。Iwishedtoseeyouso!\"
Thewomanofferedheraseatbythefire。\"MayIloosenyourcloak?——theroomiswarm。\"
\"Iwantedsotocomeandseeyou。Youaretheonlypersonintheworldwhocouldhelpme!Iknowyouaresolarge,andgenerous,andkindtootherwomen!\"Shesatdown。Tearsstoodinherlargeblueeyes:shewaspullingoffherlittleglovesunconsciously。
\"YouknowMr。——\"(shementionedthenameofawell—knownwriter):\"Iknowyoumeethimofteninyourwork。Iwantyoutodosomethingforme!\"
Thewomanonthehearth—ruglookeddownather。
\"Icouldn’ttellmyfatherormymother,oranyoneelse;butIcantellyou,thoughIknowsolittleofyou。Youknow,lastsummerhecameandstayedwithusamonth。Isawagreatdealofhim。Idon’tknowifhelikedme;Iknowhelikedmysinging,andwerodetogether——IlikedhimmorethananymanIhaveeverseen。Oh,youknowitisn’ttruethatawomancanonlylikeamanwhenhelikesher;andIthought,perhaps,helikedmealittle。Sincewehavebeenintownwehaveasked,buthehasnevercometoseeus。Perhapspeoplehavebeensayingsomethingtohimaboutme。Youknowhim,youarealwaysmeetinghim,couldn’tyousayordoanythingforme?\"Shelookedupwithherlipswhiteanddrawn。\"IfeelsometimesasifIweregoingmad!Oh,itissoterribletobeawoman!\"
Thewomanlookeddownather。\"NowIhearhelikesanotherwoman。Idon’tknowwhosheis,buttheysaysheissoclever,andwrites。Oh,itissoterrible,Ican’tbearit。\"
Thewomanleanedherelbowagainstthemantelpiece,andherfaceagainstherhand。Shelookeddownintothefire。Thensheturnedandlookedattheyoungerwoman。\"Yes,\"shesaid,\"itisaveryterriblethingtobeawoman。\"Shewassilent。Shesaidwithsomedifficulty:\"Areyousureyoulovehim?Areyousureitisnotonlythefeelingayounggirlhasforanoldermanwhoiscelebrated,andofwhomeveryoneistalking?\"
\"Ihavebeennearlymad。Ihaven’tsleptforweeks!\"Sheknitherlittlehandstogether,tillthejewelledringsalmostcutintothefingers。\"Heiseverythingtome;thereisnothingelseintheworld。You,whoaresogreat,andstrong,andclever,andwhocareonlyforyourwork,andformenasyourfriends,youcannotunderstandwhatitiswhenonepersoniseverythingtoyou,whenthereisnothingelseintheworld!\"
\"Andwhatdoyouwantmetodo?\"
\"Oh,Idon’tknow!\"Shelookedup。\"Awomanknowswhatshecando。Don’ttellhimthatIlovehim。\"Shelookedupagain。\"Justsaysomethingtohim。Oh,it’ssoterribletobeawoman;Ican’tdoanything。Youwon’ttellhimexactlythatIlovehim?That’sthethingthatmakesamanhateawoman,ifyoutellithimplainly。\"
\"IfIspeaktohimImustspeakopenly。Heismyfriend。Icannotfencewithhim。Ihaveneverfencedwithhiminmyownaffairs。\"Shemovedasthoughsheweregoingawayfromthefireplace,thensheturnedandsaid:
\"Haveyouthoughtofwhatloveisbetweenamanandawomanwhenitmeansmarriage?Thatlong,longlifetogether,dayafterday,strippedofallromanceanddistance,livingfacetoface:seeingeachotherasamanseeshisownsoul?Doyourealizethattheendofmarriageistomakethemanandwomanstrongerthantheywere;andthatifyoucannot,whenyouareanoldmanandwomanandsitbythefire,say,’Lifehasbeenabraverandafreerthingforus,becausewepassedithandinhand,thanifwehadpassedthroughitalone,’ithasfailed?Doyoucareforhimenoughtoliveforhim,nottomorrow,butwhenheisanold,fadedman,andyouanold,fadedwoman?Canyouforgivehimhissinsandhisweaknesses,whentheyhurtyoumost?Ifheweretolieaquerulousinvalidfortwentyyears,wouldyoubeabletofoldhiminyourarmsallthattime,andcomforthim,asamothercomfortsherlittlechild?\"Thewomandrewherbreathheavily。
\"Oh,Ilovehimabsolutely!Iwouldbegladtodie,ifonlyIcouldonceknowthathelovedmebetterthananythingintheworld!\"
Thewomanstoodlookingdownather。\"Haveyouneverthoughtofthatotherwoman;whethershecouldnotperhapsmakehislifeasperfectasyou?\"sheasked,slowly。
\"Oh,nowomanevercouldbetohimwhatIwouldbe。Iwouldliveforhim。
Hebelongstome。\"Shebentherselfforward,notcrying,buthershouldersmoving。\"Itissuchaterriblethingtobeawoman,tobeabletodonothingandsaynothing!\"
Thewomanputherhandonhershoulder;theyoungerwomanlookedupintoherface;thentheelderturnedawayandstoodlookingintothefire。
Therewassuchquiet,youcouldheartheclocktickabovethewriting—
table。
Thewomansaid:\"ThereisonethingIcandoforyou。Idonotknowifitwillbeofanyuse——Iwilldoit。\"Sheturnedaway。
\"Oh,youaresogreatandgood,sobeautiful,sodifferentfromotherwomen,whoarealwaysthinkingonlyofthemselves!Thankyousomuch。I
knowIcantrustyou。Icouldn’thavetoldmymother,oranyonebutyou。\"
\"Nowyoumustgo;Ihavemyworktofinish。\"
Theyoungerwomanputherarmsroundher。\"Oh,youaresogoodandbeautiful!\"
Thesilkdressandthefurcloakrustledoutoftheroom。
Thewomanwhowasleftalonewalkedupanddown,atlastfasterandfaster,tillthedropsstoodonherforehead。Afteratimeshewentuptothetable;therewaswrittenillegiblyinaman’shandonafragmentofmanuscriptpaper:\"CanIcometoseeyouthisafternoon?\"Nearitwasaclosedandaddressedenvelope。Sheopenedit。Initwerewrittenthewords:\"Yes,please,come。\"
Shetoreitacrossandwrotethewords:\"No,Ishallnotbeatliberty。\"
Sheclosedtheminanenvelopeandaddressedthem。Thensherolledupthemanuscriptonthetableandrangthebell。Shegaveittotheservant。
\"Telltheboytogivethistohismaster,andsaythearticleendsratherabruptly;theymuststateitistobecontinued;Iwillfinishittomorrow。
AshepassesNo。20lethimleavethisnotethere。\"
Theservantwentout。Shewalkedupanddownwithherhandsfoldedaboveherhead……
Twomonthsafter,theolderwomanstoodbeforethefire。Thedooropenedsuddenly,andtheyoungerwomancamein。
\"Ihadtocome——Icouldn’twait。Youhaveheard,hewasmarriedthismorning?Oh,doyouthinkitistrue?Dohelpme!\"Sheputoutherhands。
\"Sitdown。Yes,itisquitetrue。\"
\"Oh,itissoterrible,andIdidn’tknowanything!Didyoueversayanythingtohim?\"Shecaughtthewoman’shands。
\"Ineversawhimagainafterthedayyouwerehere,——soIcouldnotspeaktohim,——butIdidwhatIcould。\"Shestoodlookingpassivelyintothefire。
\"Andtheysaysheisquiteachild,onlyeighteen。Theysayheonlysawherthreetimesbeforeheproposedtoher。Doyouthinkitistrue?\"
\"Yes,itisquitetrue。\"
\"Hecan’tloveher。Theysayhe’sonlymarryingherforherrankandhermoney。\"
Thewomanturnedquickly。
\"Whatrighthaveyoutosaythat?NoonebutIknowhim。Whatneedhasheofanyone’srankorwealth?Heisgreaterthanthemall!Olderwomenmayhavefailedhim;hehasneededtoturntoherbeautiful,fresh,younglifetocompensatehim。Sheisawomanwhomanymanmighthaveloved,soyoungandbeautiful;herfamilyarefamedfortheirintellect。Ifhetrainsher,shemaymakehimabetterwifethananyotherwomanwouldhavedone。\"
\"Oh,butIcan’tbearit——Ican’tbearit!\"Theyoungerwomansatdowninthechair。\"Shewillbehiswife,andhavehischildren。\"
\"Yes。\"Theelderwomanmovedquickly。\"Onewantstohavethechild,andlayitsheadonone’sbreastandfeedit。\"Shemovedquickly。\"Itwouldnotmatterifanotherwomanboreit,ifonehadittotakecareof。\"Shemovedrestlessly。
\"Oh,no,Icouldn’tbearittobehers。WhenIthinkofherIfeelasifI
weredying;allmyfingersturncold;Ifeeldead。Oh,youwereonlyhisfriend;youdon’tknow!\"
Theolderspokesoftlyandquickly,\"Don’tyoufeelalittlegentletoherwhenyouthinkshe’sgoingtobehiswifeandthemotherofhischild?I
wouldliketoputmyarmsroundherandtouchheronce,ifshewouldletme。Sheissobeautiful,theysay。\"
\"Oh,Icouldneverbeartoseeher;itwouldkillme。Andtheyaresohappytogethertoday!Heislovingherso!\"
\"Don’tyouwanthimtobehappy?\"Theolderwomanlookeddownather。
\"Haveyouneverlovedhim,atall?\"
Theyoungerwoman’sfacewascoveredwithherhands。\"Oh,it’ssoterrible,sodark!andIshallgoonlivingyearafteryear,alwaysinthisawfulpain!Oh,ifIcouldonlydie!\"
Theolderwomanstoodlookingintothefire;thenslowlyandmeasuredlyshesaid,\"Therearetimes,inlife,wheneverythingseemsdark,whenthebrainreels,andwecannotseethatthereisanythingbutdeath。But,ifwewaitlongenough,afterlong,longyears,calmcomes。Itmaybewecannotsayitwaswell;butwearecontented,weacceptthepast。Thestruggleisended。Thatdaymaycomeforyou,perhapssoonerthanyouthink。\"Shespokeslowlyandwithdifficulty。
\"No,itcannevercomeforme。IfonceIhavelovedathing,Iloveitforever。Icanneverforget。\"
\"Loveisnottheonlyendinlife。Thereareotherthingstolivefor。\"
\"Oh,yes,foryou!Tomeloveiseverything!\"
\"Now,youmustgo,dear。\"
Theyoungerwomanstoodup。\"Ithasbeensuchacomforttotalktoyou。I
thinkIshouldhavekilledmyselfifIhadnotcome。Youhelpmeso。I
shallalwaysbegratefultoyou。\"
Theolderwomantookherhand。
\"Iwanttoasksomethingofyou。\"
\"Whatisit?\"
\"Icannotquiteexplaintoyou。Youwillnotunderstand。Buttherearetimeswhensomethingmoreterriblecancomeintoalifethanitshouldlosewhatitloves。Ifyouhavehadadreamofwhatlifeoughttobe,andyoutrytomakeitreal,andyoufail;andsomethingyouhavekilledoutinyourheartforlongyearswakesupandcries,’Leteachmanplayhisowngame,andcarenothingforthehandofhisfellow!Eachmanforhimself。
Sothegamemustbeplayed!’andyoudoubtallyouhavelivedfor,andthegroundseemswashingoutunderyourfeet——。\"Shepaused。\"Suchatimehascometomenow。Ifyouwouldpromisemethatifeveranotherwomancomestoseekyourhelp,youwillgiveittoher,andtrytoloveherformysake,Ithinkitwillhelpme。IthinkIshouldbeabletokeepmyfaith。\"
\"Oh,Iwilldoanythingyouaskmeto。Youaresogoodandgreat。\"
\"Oh,goodandgreat!——ifyouknew!Nowgo,dear。\"
\"Ihavenotkeptyoufromyourwork,haveI?\"
\"No;Ihavenotbeenworkinglately。Good—by,dear。\"
Theyoungerwomanwent;andtheelderkneltdownbythechair,andwailedlikealittlechildwhenyouhavestruckitanditdoesnotdaretocryloud。
Ayearafter;itwasearlyspringagain。
Thewomansatatherdeskwriting;behindherthefireburntbrightly。ShewaswritingaleadingarticleonthecauseswhichindifferingpeoplesleadtotheadoptionofFreeTradeorProtectionistprinciples。
Thewomanwroteonquickly。Afterawhiletheservantenteredandlaidapileoflettersonthetable。\"TelltheboyIshallhavedoneinfifteenminutes。\"Shewroteon。Thenshecaughtsightofthewritingononeoftheletters。Sheputdownherpen,andopenedit。Itranso:——
\"DearFriend,——Iamwritingtoyou,becauseIknowyouwillrejoicetohearofmygreathappiness。Doyourememberhowyoutoldmethatdaybythefiretowait,andafterlong,longyearsIshouldseethatallwasforthebest?Thattimehascomesoonerthanwehoped。LastweekinRomeIwasmarriedtothebest,noblest,mostlarge—heartedofmen。WearenowinFlorencetogether。Youdon’tknowhowbeautifulalllifeistome。Iknownowthattheoldpassionwasonlyagirl’sfoolishdream。MyhusbandisthefirstmanIhaveevertrulyloved。Helovesmeandunderstandsmeasnoothermanevercould。Iamthankfulthatmydreamwasbroken;Godhadbetterthingsinstoreforme。Idon’thatethatwomananymore;Iloveeveryone!Howareyou,dear?WeshallcomeandseeyouassoonaswearriveinEngland。Ialwaysthinkofyousohappyinyourgreatworkandhelpingotherpeople。Idon’tthinknowitisterribletobeawoman;itislovely。
\"Ihopeyouareenjoyingthisbeautifulspringweather。
\"Yours,alwaysfullofgratitudeandlove,\"E——。\"
Thewomanreadtheletter:thenshestoodupandwalkedtowardsthefire。
Shedidnotre—readit,butstoodwithitopeninherhand,lookingdownintotheblaze。Herlipsweredrawninatthecorners。Presentlyshetoretheletterupslowly,andwatchedthebitsfloatingdownonebyoneintothegrate。Thenshewentbacktoherdesk,andbegantowrite,withhermouthstilldrawninatthecorners。Afterawhileshelaidherarmonthepaperandherheadonherarm,andseemedtogotosleepthere。
Presentlytheservantknocked;theboywaswaiting。\"Tellhimtowaittenminutesmore。\"Shetookupherpen——\"ThePolicyoftheAustralianColoniesinfavourofProtectioniseasilyunderstood——\"shewaited——\"whenoneconsidersthefact——thefact——;\"thenshefinishedthearticle。
CapeTown,SouthAfrica,1892。