byIrvinS。CobbRespectfullydedicatedtotwoclasses:
ThosewhohavealreadybeenoperatedonThosewhohavenotyetbeenoperatedonNowthatthelastbelatedbillforservicesprofessionallyrenderedhasbeenproperlypaidandproperlyreceipted；nowthatthememoryoftheevent，likethemarkofthestitches，hasfadedoutfromavividredtoabecomingpinkshade；nowthatIpassadisplayofadhesivetapeinadrug—storewindowwithoutflinching——Isitmedowntowritealittlepieceaboutacertainmatter——asmallthing，butmineown——towit，ThatOperation。
ForyearsIhavenoticedthatpersonswhounderwentpruningorremodelingatthehandsofadulyqualifiedsurgeon，andsurvived，liketotalkaboutitafterward。IntheeventoftheirnotsurvivingIhavenodoubttheystilllikedtotalkaboutit，butinadifferentlocality。Ofallthereadilyavailabletopicsforuse，whetheramongfriendsoramongstrangers，anoperationseemstobethehandiestandmostdependable。ItbeatstheTariff，orRoosevelt，orBryan，orwhenthiswarisgoingtoend，ifever，ifyouareamantalkingtoothermen；anditismoreexcitingeventhanthequestionofhowMrs。VernonCastlewillwearherhairthisseason，ifyouareawomantalkingtootherwomen。
FormixedcompaniesawhaleisoneofthebestandtheeasiestthingstotalkaboutthatIknowof。Inregardtowhalesandtheirpeculiaritiesyoucanmakealmostanyassertionwithoutfearofsuccessfulcontradiction。Nobodyeverknowsanymoreaboutthemthanyoudo。Youarenothamperedbyfacts。Ifsomeonementionstheblubberofthewhaleandyouchimeinandsayitmaybenoticedformilesonastilldaywhenthelargebutemotionalcreaturehasbeenmovedtotearsbysomegreatsorrowcomingintoitslife，everybodyisboundtoacceptthestatement。Forafterallhowfewamongusreallyknowwhetheradistressedwhalesobsaloudordoessounderitsbreath？Who，withanycertainty，cantellwhetheramotherwhalehatchesherowneggherownselforleavesitontheshelteredbosomofafjordtobeincubatedbythegentlewarmthofthemidnightsun？Thepossibilitiesofthepropositionforpurposesofinformaldebate，proandcon，areapparentataglance。
Theweather，ofcourse，helpsoutamazinglywhenyouaremeetingpeopleforthefirsttime，becausethereisnearlyalwaysmoreorlessweathergoingonsomewhereandpracticallyeverybodyhasideasaboutit。Thehumanbreakfastisalsoawonderfullygoodtopictostartupduringoneofthoselulls。Tryityourselfthenexttimetheconversationseemstodrag。Justspeakupinanoffhandkindofwayandsaythatyounevercaremuchaboutbreakfast——asliceoftoastandacupofweakteastartyouoffproperlyfordoingahardday’swork。Youwillbesurprisedtonotehowthingslivenupandhoweagerlyallpresentjoinin。Theladyonyourleftfeelsthatyoushouldknowshealwaystakestwolumpsofsugarandnearlyhalfcream，becauseshesimplycannotabidehotmilk，nomatterwhatthedoctorssay。Thegentlemanonyourrightwillbemovedtoconfesshelikeshiseggsboiledforexactlythreeminutes，nomoreandnoless。Buckwheatcakesandsausagefindachampionandoatmealrarelylacksawarmdefender。
Butafterall，whenallissaidanddone，thekingofalltopicsisoperations。Soonerorlater，wherevertwoormorearegatheredtogetheritisreasonablycertainthatsomebodywillbringupanoperation。
UntilIpassedthroughtheexperienceofbeingoperatedonmyself，Ineverreallyrealizedwhatapreciousconversationalboonthesubjectis，andhowgreatapartitplaysinourintercoursewithourfellowbeingsonthisplanet。Tothetelleritisenormouslyinteresting，forheisnotonlytheheroofthetalebuttherestofthecastandthestagesettingaswell——thewholeshow，astheysay；andifthelistenerhashadasimilarexperience——andwhoisthereamongusinthesedaysthathasnottakenanap’neaththeshadeoftheoldethercone？——itacquiresadoubledvalue。
\"Speakingofoperations——\"yousay，justlikethat，eventhoughnobodypresenthasspokenofthem；andthenyouareoff，withyournewacquaintancesittingontheedgeofhischair，orhersasthecasemaybeandsofrequentlyis，withhandsclutchedinpolitebutpainfulrestraint，gillsworkingupanddownwithimpatience，eyesbrightenedwithdesire，tonguehunginthemiddle，waitingforyoutopausetocatchyourbreath，sothatheorshemaybreakinwithafewpersonalrecollectionsalongthesameline。Fromamereconversationitresolvesitselfintoasymptomsymposium，andaperfectlysplendidtimeishadbyall。
Ifanoperationissuchagoodthingtotalkabout，whyisn’titagoodthingtowriteabout，too？ThatiswhatIwishtoknow。
Besides，Ineedthemoney。Verily，onealwaysneedsthemoneywhenonehasbutrecentlyescapedfromtheministeringclutchesofthemodernhospital。ThereforeIwrite。
Italldatesbacktothefair，brightmorningwhenIwenttocallonaprominentpractitionerhereinNewYork，whomIshalldenominateasDoctorX。Ihadapain。Ihadhaditfordays。Itwasnotadependable，locatablepain，suchasatummyacheoratoothacheis，whichyoucanputyourhandon；butanindefinite，unsettled，undecidedkindofpain，whichwentwanderingaboutfromplacetoplaceinsideofmelikeastrangeghostlostinCudjo’sCave。I
neverknewuntilthenwhatthepersonalsensationsofahauntedhouseare。IfonlythemeaslythingcouldhavemadeupitsmindtosettledownsomewhereandstartlighthousekeepingIthinkshouldhavebeenbettersatisfied。Ineverhadsuchanuneasytenant。Alongsideofitawomanwiththemovingfeverwouldbecomparativelyafixedandstationaryobject。
Havingalways，therefore，enjoyedperfectlyriotousandabsolutelyunbridledhealth，neverfeelingweakanddistressedunlessdinnerhappenedtobetenorfifteenminuteslate，Iwasgreenregardingphysiciansandthewaysofphysicians。ButIknewDoctorXslightly，havingmethimlastsummerinoneofhishoursofeaseinthegrandstandataballgame，whenhewasexpressingadesiretocuttheumpire’sthroatfromeartoear，freeofcharge；andIrememberedhisname，andremembered，too，thathehadimpressedmeatthetimeasbeingapersonofcharacteranddecisionandscholarlyattainments。
Heworewhiskers。Somehowinmymindwhiskersareeverassociatedwithmedicalskill。Ipresumethisisaheritageofmyyouth，thoughIbelieveotherslaborunderthesameimpression。
AsIlookbackitseemstomethatinchildhood’sdaysallthedoctorsinourtownworewhiskers。
IrecalloneolddoctordownthereinKentuckywhowaspracticallylurkinginambushallthetime。Allheneededwasafewdecoysoutinfrontofhimandapumpguntobeaduckblind。Hecarriedhiscalomelaboutwithhiminafruitjar，andwhentherewascuttingjobhestroppedhisscalpelonhisbootleg。
Yousee，inthoseprimitivetimesgermshadnotbeeninventedyet，andsohedidnothavetotakeanystepstoavoidthem。Nowweknowthatloose，luxuriantwhiskersareunsanitary，becausetheymakesuchfinewinterquartersforgerms；so，thoughthedoctorsstillwearwhiskers，theydonotwearthemwildandwaving。Intheprofessionboskywhiskersaretaboo；theymustbelandscaped。
Andsinceitisarecognizedfactthatgermsabhororderlinessandstraightlinestheynowgoelsewheretoreside，andthedoctormaystillretainhistraditionalaspectandyetbepracticallygermproof。
DoctorXwastrimmedinaccordancewiththeethicsofthenewerschool。Hehadtrelliswhiskers。SoIwenttoseehimathisofficesinafashionabledistrict，onanexpensivesidestreet。
BeforereachinghimIpassedthroughthehandsofamaidandanurse，eachofwhomspoketomeinalow，sorrowfultoneofvoice，whichseemedtoindicatethattherewasverylittlehope。
IreachedaninnerroomwhereDoctorXwas。Helookedmeover，whileIdescribedforhimasbestIcouldwhatseemedtobethematterwithme，andaskedmeanumberofintimatequestionstouchingonthelives，works，charactersandpeculiaritiesofmyancestors；
afterwhichhemademestandupinfrontofhimandtakemycoatoff，andhepunchedmehitherandyonwithhisforefinger。Healsoknockedrepeatedlyonmybreastbonewithhisknuckles，andeachtime，ondoingthis，wouldapplyhiseartomychestandlistenintentlyforaspell，afterwardshakinghisheadinadisappointedway。Apparentlytherewasnobodyathome。Forquiteatimehekeptonknocking，butwithoutgettinganyresponse。
Hethentookmytemperatureandfifteendollars，andsaiditwasaninterestingcase——notunusualexactly，butinteresting——andthatitcalledforanoperation。
FromthewaymyheartandotherorgansjumpedinsideofmeatthatstatementIknewatoncethat，nomatterwhathemayhavethought，thepremiseswerenotunoccupied。NaturallyIinquiredhowsoonhemeanttooperate。PersonallyItrustedtherewasnohurryaboutit。Iwasperfectlywillingtowaitforseveralyears，ifnecessary。Hesmiledatmyignorance。
\"Ineveroperate，\"hesaid；\"operatingisentirelyoutofmyline。
Iamadiagnostician。\"
Hewas，too——Igivehimfullcreditforthat。Hewasagood，keen，closediagnostician。HowdidheknowIhadonlyfifteendollarsonme？Youdidnothavetotellthismanwhatyouhad，orhowmuch。Heknewwithoutbeingtold。
IaskedwhetherhewasacquaintedwithDoctorY——YbeingapersonwhomIhadmetcasuallyataclubtowhichIbelong。Oh，yes，hesaid，heknewDoctorY。Ywasacleverman，Xsaid——very，veryclever；butYspecializedintheeyes，theears，thenoseandthethroat。IgatheredfromwhatDoctorXsaidthatanytimeDoctorY
venturedbelowthethoraxhewasoutofboundsandliabletobepenalized；andthatifbyanychancehestrayeddownasfarasthelungshewouldcallforhelpandbackoutasrapidlyaspossible。
Thiswasnewstome。Itwouldappearthattheseup—to—datepractitionersjustgoaheadanddivideyouupandpartitionyououtamongthemselveswithoutsayinganythingtoyouaboutit。Yourtorsobelongstoonemanandyourlegsaretheexclusivepropertyofhisbrotherpractitionerdownonthenextblock，andsoon。
Youmaybelongtoasmanyashalfadozenspecialists，mostofwhom，verypossibly，aretotalstrangerstoyou，andyetneverknowathingaboutityourself。
Ithasrathertheairoftrespass——nay，morethanthat，itbearssomeoftheaspectsofunlawfulentry——butIsupposeitislegal。
Certainly，judgingbywhatIamabletolearn，thesystemisbeingcarriedongenerally。Soitmustbeethical。Anythingdoctorsdoinamassisethical。Almostanythingtheydosinglyandonindividualresponsibilityisunethical。BeingethicalamongdoctorsispracticallythesamethingasbeingaDemocratinTexasoraPresbyterianinScotland。
\"Ywillneverdoforyou，\"saidDoctorX，whenIhadralliedsomewhatfromtheshockofthesedisclosures。\"IwouldsuggestthatyougotoDoctorZ，atsuch—and—suchanaddress。YouareexactlyinZ’sline。I’lllethimknowthatyouarecomingandwhen，andI’llsendhimdownmydiagnosis。\"
Sothatsameafternoon，theappointmenthavingbeenmadebytelephone，Iwent，fullofquaveryemotions，toDoctorZ’splace。
AssoonasIwasinsidehisouterhallway，IrealizedthatIwasnearingthepresenceofonehighlydistinguishedinhisprofession。
Apussy—footedmaleattendant，inaliverythatmadehimlooklikeacrossbetweenaheadwaiterandanundertaker’sassistant，escortedmethroughananteroomintoareception—room，whereaconsiderablenumberofwell—dressedmenandwomenweresittingaboutinstrainedattitudes，pretendingtoreadmagazineswhiletheywaitedtheirturns，butinrealityfurtivelywatchingoneanother。
Isatdowninaconvenientchair，adheringfasttomyhatandmyumbrella。TheyweretheonlyfriendsIhadthereandIwasdeterminednottolosethemwithoutastruggle。Onthewallweremanycoloredchartsshowingvariousportionsofthehumananatomyandwhatailedthem。Directlyinfrontofmewasaverythrillingillustration，evidentlycopiedfromanoilpainting，ofaliverinabadstateofrepair。IsaidtomyselfthatifIhadaliverlikethatoneIshouldkeepithiddenfromthepubliceye——Iwouldneverpermitittositforit’sportrait。Still，thereisnoaccountingfortastes。Iknowamanwhogothisspleenbackfromthedoctorsandnowkeepsitinabottleofalcoholonthewhat—notintheparlor，asoneofhismosttreasuredpossessions，andsometimesshowsittovisitors。He，however，isofaverysavingdisposition。
Presentlyaladysecretary，whosatbehindaroll—topdeskinacorneroftheroom，liftedaforefingerandsilentlybeckonedmetoherside。Imovedoverandsatdownbyher；shetookdownmynameandmyageandmyweightandmyheight，andanumberofotherinterestingfactsthatwillcomeinveryhandyshouldanyoneeverbemovedtowriteacompletehistoryofmyearlylife。IncommonwithDoctorXshesharedoneattribute——shemanifestedadeepcuriosityregardingmyforefathers——wantedtoknowallaboutthem。
Ifeltthatthiswascarryingthethingtoofar。Ifeltlikesayingtoher:
\"Missormadam，sofarasIknowthereisnothingthematterwithmyancestorsofthesecondandthirdgenerationsback，exceptthattheyaredead。IamnotheretoseekmedicalassistanceforagrandparentwhosuccumbedtodisappointmentthattimewhenSamuelJ。Tildengotcountedout，orforagreat—grandparentwhoenteredintoEternalRestveryunexpectedlyandinamannerentirelyuncalledforasaresultofbeinganinnocentbystanderinoneofthosefeudsthatweresopopularinmynativestateimmediatelyfollowingtheMexicanWar。Leavemyancestorsalone。Thereisnoneedofyourshakingmyfamilytreeinthebeliefthatafewoverripepatientswillfallout。Ialone——I，me，myself——amthepresentcandidate！\"
However，Irefrainedfrommakingthisprotestaudibly。Ijudgedshewasonlygoingaccordingtotheritual；andasshehadaprintedcard，withblanksinitreadytobefilledoutwithdetailsregardingtheremotemembersofthefamilyconnection，Ihumoredheralong。
WhenIcouldnotremembersomethingshewishedtoknowconcerninganancestorIsuppliedherwiththrillingdetailsculledfromthefieldoffancy。Whenthecardwasentirelyfilledupshesentmebacktomyoldplacetowait。Iwaitedandwaited，breedingfreshailmentsallthetime。Ihadstartedoutwithonesymptom；nowifIhadoneIhadamillionandahalf。Icouldfeelgoosefleshsproutingoutalloverme。IfIhadbeentallerImighthavehadmore，butnototherwise。Suchisthepowerofthehumanimaginationwhenthesurroundingsarefavorabletoitsdevelopment。
Timepassed；tomeitappearedthatnearlyallthetimetherewaspassedandthatweweregettingalongtowardtheshank—endoftheChristianeramightyfast。Iwasafraidmyturnwouldcomenextandafraiditwouldnot。Perhapsyouknowthissensation。Yougetitatthedentist’s，andwhenyouareonthelistofafter—dinnerspeakersatalargebanquet，andwhenyouarewaitingforthefatheroftheOnlyGirlintheWorldtomakeuphismindwhetherheiswillingtotrytoendureyouasason—in—law。
Thensomemoretimepassed。
Onebyonemycompanions，obeyingacommand，passedoutthroughthedoorattheback，vanishingoutofmylifeforever。Noneofthemreturned。IwasvaguelywonderingwhetherDoctorZburiedhisdeadonthepremisesorhadthemremovedbyasecretpassagewayintherear，whenayoungwomaninanurse’scostumetappedmeontheshoulderfrombehind。
Ijumped。Shehidacompassionatesmilewithherhandandtoldmethatthedoctorwouldseemenow。
AsIrosetofollowher——stillclingingwiththedrowningman’sgripofdesperationtomyhatandmyumbrella——Iwasastonishedtonotebyaglanceatthecalendaronthewallthatthiswasstillthepresentdate。IthoughtitwouldbeThursdayofnextweekattheveryleast。
DoctorZalsoworewhiskers，carefullypointedupbyanexperthedgetrimmer。Hesatathisdesk，surroundedbyfreewillofferingsfromgratefulpatientsandbyglasscasescontainingotherthingshehadtakenawayfromthemwhentheywerenotinaconditiontoobject。Ihadexpected，afterallthepreliminaryceremoniesanddelays，thatweshouldhavealongskancetogether。Notso；notatall。Themodernexpertinsurgerychargesasmuchforrememberingyournamebetweenvisitsasthefamilydoctorusedtoexpectforstayingupallnightwithyou，buthedoesnotwasteanytimewhenyouareinhispresence。
Iwasabouttofindthatout。AndalittlelateronIwastofindoutalotofotherthings；infact，thatwholeweekwasofimmenseeducationalvaluetome。
Ipresumeitwasbecausehestoodhighinhisprofession，andwasalmostconstantlyengagedingoingintothebestsocietythatDoctorZdidnotappeartobetheleastbitexcitedovermyhavingpickedhimouttolookintome。InthemostperfunctorymannerheshookthehandthathasshakenthehandsofJessWillard，GeorgeM。CohanandHenryFord，andbademebeseatedinachairwhichwasdrawnupinastronglight，wherehemightgazedirectlyatmeasweconversedandsogetthefullvaluesofthecomposition。ButifIwasatreatforhimtolookatheconcealedhisfeelingsveryeffectually。
Hecertainlyhadhisemotionsundersplendidcontrol。Butthen，ofcourse，youmustrememberthatheprobablyhadtraveledaboutextensivelyandwasusedtosight—seeing。
Fromthispointoneverythingpassedoffinamostbusinesslikemanner。Hereachedintoafilingcabinetandtookoutanexhibit，whichIrecognizedasthesameonehissecretaryhadfilledoutintheearlypartofthecentury。SoIwasalreadyinthecard—indexclass。ThenbrieflyhelookedoverthemanifestthatDoctorXhadsenthim。Itmaynothavebeenamanifest——itmayhavebeenaninvoiceorabilloflading。AnyhowIwasintheassignee’shands。
Icouldonlyhopeitwouldnoteventuallybecomenecessarytocallinareceiver。Thenhespoke:
\"Yes，yes—yes，\"hesaid；\"yes—yes—yes！Operationrequired。Smallmatter——hum，hum！Let’ssee——thisisTuesday？Quiteso。DoitFriday！Fridayat\"——heglancedtowardascribbledpadofengagementdatesathiselbow——\"FridayatsevenA。M。No，makeitseven—fifteen。
Haveimportanttumorcaseatseven。St。Germicide’sHospital。
Youknowtheplace——uponUmpty—umphStreet。Go’day！MissWhoziz，callnextvisitor。\"
AndbeforeIrealizedthatpracticallythewholeaffairhadbeensettledIwasoutsidetheconsultation—roominasmallprivatehall，andthesecretarywastellingmefurtherdetailswouldbeconveyedtomebymail。Iwenthomeinadazedstate。ForthefirsttimeIwasbeginningtolearnsomethingaboutanindustryinwhichheretoforeIhadneverbeeninterested。EspeciallywasI
struckbythedifferencenowrevealedtomeinthepreliminarystagesofthesurgeons’businessascomparedwiththeirfellowexpertsinthealliedcuttingtrades——tailors，forinstance，nottomentionbarbers。Everybarber，youknow，usedtobeasurgeon，onlyhespelleditchirurgeon。Sincethenthetwoprofessionshavedriftedfarapart。Evenahalf—wittedbarber——thekindwhoalwayshasthefirstchairasyoucomeintotheshop——caneasilyspendtenminutesofyourtimethinkingofthingshethinksyoushouldhaveandmentioningthemtoyouonebyone，whereasanygood，livesurgeonknowswhatyouhavealmostinstantly。
Asforthetailor——considerhowwearisomearehismethodswhenyouparallelthemalongsidethetremendousadvancesinthisdirectionmadebythesurgeon——howcumbersomeandold—fashionedandtedious！
Why，anexperiencedsurgeonhasyouallapartinhalfthetimethetailortakesupindecidingwhetherthevestshallfastenwithfivebuttonsorsix。OurowndomestictailorsarebadenoughinthisregardandtheOldWorldtailorsareevenworse。
IrememberaGermantailorinAix—la—Chapelleinthefallof1914
whoundertooktobuildformeasuitsuitableforvisitingthebattlelinesinformally。HewasthemostliterarytailorIevermetanywhere。Hewoulddrapethematerialovermypersonandthentakeapieceofchalkandwritequiteanicelongpieceonme。Thenhewouldrubitoutandwriteitalloveragain，butmorefully。Hekeptthisupatintervalsofeveryotherdayuntilhehadwriter’scramp。Afterthatheusedpins。Hewouldpintheseamstogether，utteringlittlesoothing，cluckingsoundsinGermanwheneverapinwentthroughthegoodsandintome。TheGermancluckisnotsosoothingasthecluckoftheEnglish—speakingpeoples，Ifind。
Attheendoftwolongandtryingweeks，whichworebothofusdownnoticeably，hehadthejobdone。Itwasnotanunqualifiedsuccess。Heregardedisasasuitofclothes，butIknewbetter；
itwasasetofslipcovers，andifonlyIhadbeenatwo—seatedrunaboutitwouldhaveprovedaperfectfit，Iamsure；butIamasingle—seateddesignanditdidnotanswer。IworeittothewarbecauseIhadnothingelsetowearthatwouldstampmeasaregularwarcorrespondent，except，ofcourse，mywristwatch；butIshallnotwearittoanotherwar。Waristerribleenoughalready；
and，besides，Ihavepartedwithit。OnmywayhomethroughHollandIgavethatsuittoacoupleofpoorBelgianrefugees，andIpresumetheyarestillwearingit。
SofarasIhavebeenabletoobserve，thesurgeonsandthetailorsofthesetimessharebutonecommoninstinct:Ifyougotoanewsurgeonortoanewtailorheismorallycertain，afterlookingyouover，thatthelastsurgeonyouhadorthelasttailor，didnotdoyourcuttingproperly。There，however，iswheretheresemblanceends。Thetailor，asIremarkedineffectjustnow，wantsanhouratleastinwhichtodecidehowhemaybestcoverupanddisguisetheirregularitiesofthehumanform；inmuchlesstimethanthatthesurgeonhascompletelyalteredtheformitself。
Withthesurgeonitisverymuchasitiswiththoselearnedmenwhowritethoselarge，impressiveworksofreferencewhichshouldbepermanentlyineverylibrary，andwhichweareforeverbuyingfromanagentbecausewearesopassionatelyaddictedtopayments。
Ifthethingheseeksdoesnotappearinthecontentsproperheknowsexactlywheretolookforit。\"Seeappendix，\"saysthehistoriantoyouinafootnote。\"Seeappendix，\"saysthesurgeontohimself，thewhilehummingacheeryrefrain。Andsohedoes。
Well，Iwenthome。ThiswasTuesdayandtheoperationwasnottobeperformeduntilthecomingFriday。ByWednesdayIhadcalmeddownconsiderably。ByThursdaymorningIwaspracticallynormalagainasregardsmynerves。YouwillunderstandthatIwasstillinablissfulstateofignoranceconcerningtheactualmethodsofthesurgicalprofessionasexemplifiedbyitsleadingexponentsoftoday。TheknowledgeIhavetouchedoninthepagesimmediatelyprecedingwastocometomelater。
LikewiseDoctorZ’smannerhadbeendeceiving。Itcouldnotbethathemeanttocarvemetoanyreallynoticeableextent——hisattitudehadbeenentirelytoocasual。Atourhousecarvingisaveryseriousmatter。AnytimeItaketheheadofthetableandstartintocarveitisfittingwomenandchildrengettoaplaceofsafety，andonlookersshouldgetunderthetable。Whenwefirstbeganhousekeepingandgaveourfirstsmalldinner—partywehadabraceofduckscookedinhonorofthecompany，andI，ashost，undertooktocarvethem。Ineverknewuntilthenthataduckwasbuiltlikeawatch——thathisworkswereinclosedinaburglarproofcase。WithouttheuseofdynamitetheRedLeary—O’Briengangcouldnothavebrokenintothoseducks。IthoughtsothenandIthinksoyet。Yearshavepassedsincethen，butImaystatethatevennow，whenthereareguestsfordinner，wedonothaveducks。
Unlesssomebodyelseisgoingtocarve，wehaveliver。
ImentionthisfactinpassingbecauseitshowsthatIhadlearnedtoreverecarvingasoneofthehigherarts，andonenottobeapproachedexceptinaspiritofdueappreciationofthemagnitudeoftheundertaking，andafterproperconsiderationandthoughtandreflection，andallthatsortofthing。
Ifthisweretrueasregardsamereduck，whynotallthemoresoasregardsthecarvingofapersonofwhomIamsoveryfondasI
amofmyself？ThusIreasoned。Andfinally，hadnotDoctorZ
spokenofthecomingoperationasasmallmatter？Wellthen？
ThursdayatnoonIreceivedfromDoctorZ’ssecretaryanotestatingthatarrangementshadbeenmadeformyadmissionintoSt。GermicidethatsameeveningandthatIwastospendthenightthere。Thishardlyseemednecessary。Still，thetoneofthenoteappearedtoindicatethatthehospitalauthoritiesparticularlywishedtohavemeforanovernightguest；andasIreflectedthatprobablythepoorthingshadfewenoughbrightspotsintheirbusylives，IdecidedIwouldhumorthemalongandgladdentheoccasionwithmypresencefromdinner—timeon。
Abouteighto’clockIstrolledinveryjauntily。InmymindI
hadthewholeprogrammemappedout。Iwouldstayatthehospitalfor，say，twodaysfollowingtheoperation——or，atmost，three。
ThenImustbeupandaway。Ihadagooddealofworktodoandanumberofpeopletoseeonimportantbusiness，andIcouldnotreallyaffordtowastemorethanaweekendonthestaffofSt。
Germicide’s。AfterMondaytheymustlooktotheirowndevicesforsocialentertainment。Thatwasmyidea。NowwhenIlookbackonitIlaugh，butitisahollowlaughandthereisnorealmerrimentinit。
Indeed，almostfromthemomentofmyentrancelittlethingsbegantocomeupthatwerecalculatedtohaveadepressingeffectonone’sspirits。Downstairsaserious—lookingladymetmeandenteredinabookanumberofsalientfactsregardingmypersonalitywhichthepreviousinvestigatorshadsomehowoverlooked。Thereisalotofbookkeepingaboutanoperation。Thisdetailattendedto，ayoungman，dressedinwhitegarmentsandwearinganexpressionthatstampedhimasonewhohadsufferedarecentdeepbereavementcameandrelievedmeofmyhandbagandescortedmeupstairs。
AswepassedthroughtheuppercorridorsIhadmyfirstintroductiontothehospitalsmell，whichisasmellcompoundedofiodoform，ether，gruel，andsomethingboiling。Allhospitalshaveit，Iunderstand。Intimeyougetusedtoit，butyouneverreallycareforit。
Theyoungmanledmeintoasmallroomtastefullydecoratedwithfourwalls，afloor，aceiling，awindowsillandawindow，adoorandadoorsill，andabedandachair。Hetoldmetogotobed。
Ididnotwanttogotobed——itwasnotmyregularbedtime——buthemadeapointofit，andIjudgeditwasaccordingtoregulations；
soIundressedandputonmynightclothesandcrawledin。Heleftme，takingmyotherclothesandmyshoeswithhim，butI
wasnotallowedtogetlonely。
Alittlelaterawardsurgeonappeared，toputafewinquiriesofapointedandpersonalnature。Heparticularlydesiredtoknowwhatmytroublewas。IexplainedtohimthatIcouldn’ttellhim——
hewouldhavetoseeDoctorXorDoctorZ；theyprobablyknew，butwerekeepingitasecretbetweenthemselves。
Theanswerapparentlysatisfiedhim，becauseimmediatelyafterthathemademesignapaperinwhichIassumedallresponsibilityforwhatwastotakeplacethenextmorning。
Thisdidnotseemexactlyfair。AsIpointedouttohim，itwasthesurgeon’saffair，notmine；andifthesurgeonmadeamistakethejokewouldbeonhimandnotonme，becauseinthatcaseI
wouldnotbehereanyhow。ButIsigned，asrequested，onthedottedline，andhedeparted。