ANOLDRESIDENTYou’reacredittoyourcountry，sir，that’swhatyouare。
ANAPPLEWOMANHe’samanlikeIrelandwants。
BLOOMMybelovedsubjects，aneweraisabouttodawn。I，Bloom，tellyouverilyitisevennowathand。Yea，onthewordofaBloom，yeshallerelongenterintothegoldencitywhichistobe，thenewBloomusalemintheNovaHiberniaofthefuture。
Thirtytwoworkmenwearingrosettes，fromallthecountiesofIreland，undertheguidanceofDerwanthebuilderconstructthenewBloomusalem。
Itisacolossaledifice，withcrystalroofbuiltintheshapeofahugeporkkidney，containingfortythousandrooms。Inthecourseofitsextensionseveralbuildingsandmonumentsaredemolished。Governmentofficesaretemporarilytransferredtorailwaysheds。Numeroushousesarerazedtotheground。Theinhabitantsarelodgedinbarrelsandboxes，allmarkedinredwiththeletters：L。B。Severalpaupersfallfromaladder。ApartofthewallsofDublin，crowdedwithloyalsightseers，collapses。
THESIGHTSEERSDyingMorituritesalutant。Theydie。
Amaninabrownmacintoshspringsupthroughatrap-door。HepointsanelongatedfingeratBloom。
THEMANINTHEMACINTOSHDon’tyoubelieveawordheSays。ThatmanisLeopoldM’Intosh，thenotoriousfireraiser。HisrealnameisHiggins。
BLOOMShoothim！Dogofachristian！SomuchforM’Intosh！
Acannonshot。Themaninthemacintoshdisappears。Bloomwithhissceptrestrikesdownpoppies。Theinstantaneousdeathsofmanypowerfulenemies，graziers，membersofparliament，membersofstandingcommittees，arereported。Bloom’sbodyguarddistributeMaundymoney，commemorationmedals，loavesandfishes，temperancebadges，expensiveHenryClaycigars，freecowbonesforsoup，rubberpreservatives，insealedenvelopestiedwithgoldthread，butterscotch，pineapplerock，billetsdouxintheformofcockedhats，readymadesuits，porringersoftoadinthehole，bottlesofJeyes’Fluid，purchasestamps，40days’indulgences，spuriouscoins，dairyfedporksausages，theatrepasses，seasonticketsavailableforalltramlines，couponsoftheroyalandprivilegedHungarianlottery，pennydinnercounters，cheapreprintsoftheWorld’sTwelveWorstBooks：FroggyandFritzpolitic，CareoftheBabyinfantilic，SoMealsfor7/6culinic，WasJesusaSunMyth？historic，ExpelthatPainmedic，Infant’sCompendiumoftheUniversecosmic，Let’sAllChortlehilaric，Canvasser’sVadeMecumjournalic，love-lettersofMotherAssistanterotic，Who’sWhoinSpaceastric，SongsthatReachedOurHeartmelodic，Pennywise’sWaytoWealthparsimonic。Ageneralrushandscramble。WomenpressforwardtotouchthehemofBloom’srobe。TheladyGwendolenDubedatburststhroughthethrong，leapsonhishorseandkisseshimonbothcheeksamidgreatacclamation。Amagnesiumflashlightphotographistaken。Babesandsucklingsareheldup。
THEWOMENLittlefather！Littlefather！
THEBABESANDSUCKLINGSClapclaphandstillPoldycomeshome，CakesinhispocketforLeoalone。Bloom，bendingdown，pokesBabyBoardmangentlyinthestomach。
BABYBOARDMANHiccups，curdledmilkflowingfromhismouth。
Hajajaja。
BLOOMShakinghandswithablindstripling。MymorethanBrother！
Placinghisarmsroundtheshouldersofanoldcouple。Dearoldfriends！Heplayspussyfourcornerswithraggedboysandgirls。
Peep！Bopeep！Hewheelstwinsinaperambulator。Ticktacktwowouldyousetashoe？
Heperformsjuggler’stricks，drawsred，orange，yellow，green，blue，indigoandvioletsilkhandkerchiefsfromhismouth。Roygbiv。32feetpersecond。Heconsolesawidow。Absencemakestheheartgrowyounger。HedancestheHighlandflingwithgrotesqueantics。Legit，yedevils！Hekissesthebedsoresofapalsiedveteran。Honourablewounds！Hetripsupafatpoliceman。U。p。：up。U。p。：up。Hewhispersintheearofablushingwaitressandlaughskindly。
Ah，naughty，naughty！HeeatsarawturnipofferedhimbyMauriceButterly，farmer。Fine！Splendid！HerefusestoacceptthreeshillingsofferedhimbyJosephHynes，journalist。Mydearfellow，notatall！Hegiveshiscoattoabeggar。Pleaseaccept。Hetakespartinastomachracewithelderlymaleandfemalecripples。Comeon，boys！
Wriggleit，girls！
THECITIZENChokedwithemotion，brushesasideatearinhisemeraldmuffler。MaythegoodGodblesshim！
Therams’hornssoundforsilence。ThestandardofZionishoisted。
BLOOMUncloaksimpressively，revealingobesity，unrollsapaperandreadssolemnly。AlephBethGhimelDalethHagadahTephilimKosherYomKippurHanukahRoschaschanaBeniBrithBarMitzvahMazzothAskenazimMeshuggahTalith。
AnofficialtranslationisreadbyJimmyHenry，assistanttownclerk。
JIMMYHENRYTheCourtofConscienceisnowopen。HisMostCatholicMajestywillnowadministeropenairjustice。Freemedicalandlegaladvice，solutionofdoublesandotherproblems。Allcordiallyinvited。GivenatthisourloyalcityofDublinintheyearIoftheParadisiacalEra。
PADDYLEONARDWhatamItodoaboutmyratesandtaxes？
BLOOMPaythem，myfriend。
PADDYLEONARDThankyou。
NOSEYFLYNNCanIraiseamortgageonmyfireinsurance？
BLOOMObdurately。Sirs，takenoticethatbythelawoftortsyouareboundoverinyourownrecognisancesforsixmonthsinthesumoffivepounds。
J。J。O’MOLLYADanieldidIsay？Nay！APeterO’Brien！
NOSEYFLYNNWheredoIdrawthefivepounds？
PISSERBURKEForbladdertrouble？
BLOOMAcid。nit。hydrochlordil。，20minims，Tinct。mix。vom。，4minims。
Extr。taraxel。lig。，30minims。
Aq。dis。terindie。CHRISCALLINANWhatistheparallaxofthesubsolareclipticofAldebaran？
BLOOMPleasedtohearfromyou，Chris。K。II。
JOEHYNESWhyaren’tyouinuniform？
BLOOMWhenmyprogenitorofsaintedmemoryworetheuniformoftheAustriandespotinadankprisonwherewasyours？
BENDOLLARDPansies？
BLOOMEmbellishbeautifysuburbangardens。
BENDOLLARDWhentwinsarrive？
BLOOMFatherpater，dadstartsthinking。
LARRYO’ROURKEAneightdaylicenceformynewpremises。Yourememberme，sirLeo，whenyouwereinnumberseven。I’msendingaroundadozenofstoutforthemissus。
BLOOMColdly。Youhavetheadvantageofme。LadyBloomacceptsnopresents。
CROFTONThisisindeedafestivity。
BLOOMSolemnly。Youcallitafestivity。Icallitasacrament。
ALEXANDERKEYESWhenwillwehaveourownhouseofkeys？
BLOOMIstandforthereformofmunicipalmoralsandtheplaintencommandments。
Newworldsforold。Unionofall，jew，moslemandgentile。Threeacresandacowforallchildrenofnature。Saloonmotorhearses。Compulsorymanuallabourforall。Allparksopentothepublicdayandnight。Electricdishscrubbers。Tuberculosis，lunacy，warandmendicancymustnowcease。
Generalamnesty，weeklycarnival，withmaskedlicence，bonusesforall，esperantotheuniversalbrotherhood。Nomorepatriotismofbarspongersanddropsicalimpostors。Freemoney，freeloveandafreelaychurchinafreelaystate。
O’MADDENBURKEFreefoxinafreehenroost。
DAVYBYRNEYawning。Iiiiiiiiiaaaaaaach！
BLOOMMixedracesandmixedmarriage。
LENEHANWhataboutmixedbathing？
Bloomexplainstothosenearhimhisschemesforsocialregeneration。
Allagreewithhim。ThekeeperoftheKildareStreetMuseumappears，draggingalorryonwhicharetheshakingstatuesofseveralnakedgoddesses，VenusCallipyge，VenusPandemosVenusMetempsychosis，andplasterfigures，alsonaked，representingthenewninemuses，Commerce，OperaticMusic，AmorPublicity，Manufacture，libertyofSpeech，PluralVoting，Gastronomy，PrivateHygiene，SeasideConcertEntertainments，PainlessObstetricsandAstronomyforthePeople。
FATHERFARLEYHeisanepiscopalian，anagnostic，ananythingarianseekingtooverthrowourholyfaith。
MRSRIORDANTearsupherwill。I’mdisappointedinyou！Youbadman！
MOTHERGROGANRemovesherboottothrowitatBloom。Youbeast！
Youabominableperson！
NOSEYFLYNNGiveusatune，Bloom。Oneoftheoldsweetsongs。
BLOOMWithrollickinghumour。IvowedthatIneverwouldleaveher，Sheturnedoutacrueldeceiver。
Withmytooraloomtooraloomtooralcomtooraloom。HOPPYHOLOHANGoodoldBloom！There’snobodylikehimafterall。
PADDYLEONARDStageIrishman！
BLOOMWhatrailwayoperaislikeatramlineinGibraltar？TheRowsofCasteele。Laughter。
LENEHANPlagiarist！DownwithBloom！
THEVEILEDSIBYLEnthusiastically。I’maBloomiteandIgloryinit。Ibelieveinhiminspiteofall。I’dgivemylifeforhim，thefunniestmanonearth。
BLOOMWinksatthebystanders。Ibetshe’sabonnylassie。
THEODOREPUREFOYInfishingcapandoilskinjacket。Heemploysamechanicaldevicetofrustratethesacredendsofnature。
THEVEILEDSIBYLStabsherself。Myherogod！Shedies。
Manymostattractiveandenthusiasticwomenalsocommitsuicidebystabbing，drowning，drinkingprussicacid，aconite，arsenic，openingtheirveins，refusingfood，castingthemselvesundersteamrollers，fromthetopofNelson’sPillar，intothegreatvatofGuinness’sbrewery，asphyxiatingthemselvesbyplacingtheirheadsingasovens，hangingthemselvesinstylishgarters，leapingfromwindowsofdifferentstoreys。
ALEXANDERJ。DOWIEViolently。FellowchristiansandantiBloomites，themancalledBloomisfromtherootsofhell，adisgracetochristianmen。AfiendishlibertinefromhisearliestyearsthisstinkinggoatofMendesgaveprecocioussignsofinfantiledebaucheryrecallingthecitiesoftheplain，withadissolutegranddam。Thisvilehypocrite，bronzedwithinfamy，isthewhitebullmentionedintheApocalypse。AworshipperoftheScarletWoman，intrigueistheverybreathofhisnostrils。Thestakefaggotsandthecaldronofboilingoilareforhim。Caliban！
THEMOBLynchhim！Roasthim！He’sasbadasParnellwas。MrFox！
MotherGroganthrowsherbootatBloom。SeveralshopkeepersfromupperandlowerDorsetstreetthrowobjectsoflittleornocommercialvalue，hambones，condensedmilktins，unsaleablecabbage，stalebread，sheeps’tails，oddpiecesoffat。
BLOOMExcitedly。Thisismidsummermadness，someghastlyjokeagain。Byheaven，Iamguiltlessastheunsunnedsnow！ItwasmybrotherHenry。Heismydouble。Helivesinnumber2Dolphin’sBarn。Slander，theviper，haswrongfullyaccusedme。Fellowcountrymen，sgenlinnbanbatacoisdegancapall。Icallonmyoldfriend，DrMalachiMulligan，sexspecialisttogivemedicaltestimonyonmybehalf。
DRMULLIGANInmotorjerkin，greenmotorogglesonhisbrow。
DrBloomisbisexuallyabnormal。HehasrecentlyescapedfromDrEustace’sprivateasylumfordementedgentlemen。Bornoutofbedlockhereditaryepilepsyispresent，theconsequenceofunbridledlust。Tracesofelephantiasishavebeendiscoveredamonghisascendants。Therearemarkedsymptomsofchronicexhibitionism。Ambidexterityisalsolatent。Heisprematurelybaldfromselfabuse，perverselyidealisticinconsequence，areformedrake，andhasmetalteeth。InconsequenceofafamilycomplexhehastemporarilylosthismemoryandIbelievehimtobemoresinnedagainstthansinning。
Ihavemadeapervaginalexaminationand，afterapplicationoftheacidtestto5427anal，axillary，pectoralandpubichairs，Ideclarehimtobevirgointacta。
Bloomholdshishighgradehatoverhisgenitalorgans。
DRMADDENHypsospadiaisalsomarked。IntheinterestofcominggenerationsIsuggestthatthepartsaffectedshouldbepreservedinspiritsofwineinthenationalteratologicalmuseum。