Asitshouldbe,MrKernansaid。
What?Eh?CornyKellehersaid。
MrKernanassuredhim。
WhoisthatchapbehindwithTomKernan?JohnHenryMentonasked。
Iknowhisface。
NedLambertglancedback。
Bloom,hesaid,MadamMarionTweedythatwas,is,Imean,thesoprano。
She’shiswife。
O,tobesure,JohnHenryMentonsaid。Ihaven’tseenherforsometime。Shewasafinelookingwoman。Idancedwithher,wait,fifteenseventeengoldenyearsago,atMatDillon’s,inRoundtown。Andagoodarmfulshewas。
Helookedbehindthroughtheothers。
Whatishe?heasked。Whatdoeshedo?Wasn’theinthestationeryline?Ifellfoulofhimoneevening,Iremember,atbowls。
NedLambertsmiled。
Yes,hewas,hesaid,inWisdomHely’s。Atravellerforblottingpaper。
InGod’sname,JohnHenryMentonsaid,whatdidshemarryacoonlikethatfor?Shehadplentyofgameinherthen。
Hasstill,NedLambertsaid。Hedoessomecanvassingforads。
JohnHenryMenton’slargeeyesstaredahead。
Thebarrowturnedintoasidelane。Aportlyman,ambushedamongthegrasses,raisedhishatinhomage。Thegravediggerstouchedtheircaps。
JohnO’Connell,MrPowersaid,pleased。Heneverforgetsafriend。
MrO’Connellshookalltheirhandsinsilence。MrDedalussaid:
Iamcometopayyouanothervisit。
MydearSimon,thecaretakeransweredinalowvoice。Idon’twantyourcustomatall。
SalutingNedLambertandJohnHenryMentonhewalkedonatMartinCunningham’sside,puzzlingtwokeysathisback。
Didyouhearthatone,heaskedthem,aboutMulcahyfromtheCoombe?
Ididnot,MartinCunninghamsaid。
TheybenttheirsilkhatsinconcertandHynesinclinedhisear。Thecaretakerhunghisthumbsintheloopsofhisgoldwatchchainandspokeinadiscreettonetotheirvacantsmiles。
Theytellthestory,hesaid,thattwodrunkscameouthereonefoggyeveningtolookforthegraveofafriendoftheirs。TheyaskedforMulcahyfromtheCoombeandweretoldwherehewasburied。Aftertraipsingaboutinthefogtheyfoundthegrave,sureenough。Oneofthedrunksspeltoutthename:TerenceMulcahy。TheotherdrunkwasblinkingupatastatueofourSaviourthewidowhadgotputup。
Thecaretakerblinkedupatoneofthesepulchrestheypassed。Heresumed:
And,afterblinkingupatthesacredfigure,Notabloodybitliketheman,sayshe。That’snotMulcahy,sayshe,whoeverdoneit。
RewardedbysmileshefellbackandspokewithCornyKelleher,acceptingthedocketsgivenhim,turningthemoverandscanningthemashewalked。
That’salldonewithapurpose,MartinCunninghamexplainedtoHynes。
Iknow,Hynessaid,Iknowthat。
Tocheerafellowup,MartinCunninghamsaid。It’spuregoodheartedness:
damnthethingelse。
MrBloomadmiredthecaretaker’sprosperousbulk。Allwanttobeongoodtermswithhim。Decentfellow,JohnO’Connell,realgoodsort。Keys:
likeKeyes’sad:nofearofanyonegettingout,nopassoutchecks。Habeatcorpus。Imustseeaboutthatadafterthefuneral。DidIwriteBallsbridgeontheenvelopeItooktocoverwhenshedisturbedmewritingtoMartha?
Hopeit’snotchuckedinthedeadletteroffice。Bethebetterofashave。
Greysproutingbeard。That’sthefirstsignwhenthehairscomeoutgreyandtempergettingcross。Silverthreadsamongthegrey。Fancybeinghiswife。Wonderhowhehadthegumptiontoproposetoanygirl。Comeoutandliveinthegraveyard。Danglethatbeforeher。Itmightthrillherfirst。
Courtingdeath……Shadesofnighthoveringherewithallthedeadstretchedabout。TheshadowsofthetombswhenchurchyardsyawnandDanielO’ConnellmustbeadescendantIsupposewhoisthisusedtosayhewasaqueerbreedymangreatcatholicallthesamelikeabiggiantinthedark。Willo’thewisp。Gasofgraves。Wanttokeephermindoffittoconceiveatall。Womenespeciallyaresotouchy。Tellheraghoststoryinbedtomakehersleep。
Haveyoueverseenaghost?Well,Ihave。Itwasapitchdarknight。Theclockwasonthestrokeoftwelve。Stillthey’dkissallrightifproperlykeyedup。WhoresinTurkishgraveyards。Learnanythingiftakenyoung。
Youmightpickupayoungwidowhere。Menlikethat。Loveamongthetombstones。
Romeo。Spiceofpleasure。Inthemidstofdeathweareinlife。Bothendsmeet。Tantalisingforthepoordead。Smelloffrilledbeefsteakstothestarvinggnawingtheirvitals。Desiretogrigpeople。Mollywantingtodoitatthewindow。Eightchildrenhehasanyway。
Hehasseenafairsharegounderinhistime,lyingaroundhimfieldafterfield。Holyfields。Moreroomiftheyburiedthemstanding。Sittingorkneelingyoucouldn’t。Standing?Hisheadmightcomeupsomedayabovegroundinalandslipwithhishandpointing。Allhoneycombedthegroundmustbe:oblongcells。Andveryneathekeepsittoo,trimgrassandedgings。
HisgardenMajorGamblecallsMountJerome。Wellsoitis。Oughttobeflowersofsleep。ChinesecemeterieswithgiantpoppiesgrowingproducethebestopiumMastianskytoldme。TheBotanicGardensarejustoverthere。
It’sthebloodsinkingintheearthgivesnewlife。Sameideathosejewstheysaidkilledthechristianboy。Everymanhisprice。Wellpreservedfatcorpsegentleman,epicure,invaluableforfruitgarden。Abargain。
BycarcassofWilliamWilkinson,auditorandaccountant,latelydeceased,threepoundsthirteenandsix。Withthanks。
Idaresaythesoilwouldbequitefatwithcorpsemanure,bones,flesh,nails,charnelhouses。Dreadful。Turninggreenandpink,decomposing。Rotquickindampearth。Theleanoldonestougher。Thenakindofatallowykindofacheesy。Thenbegintogetblack,treacleoozingoutofthem。
Thendriedup。Deathmoths。Ofcoursethecellsorwhatevertheyaregoonliving。Changingabout。Liveforeverpractically。Nothingtofeedonfeedonthemselves。
Buttheymustbreedadevilofalotofmaggots。Soilmustbesimplyswirlingwiththem。Yourheaditsimplyswurls。Thoseprettylittleseasidegurls。Helookscheerfulenoughoverit。Giveshimasenseofpowerseeingalltheothersgounderfirst。Wonderhowhelooksatlife。Crackinghisjokestoo:warmsthecocklesofhisheart。Theoneaboutthebulletin。
Spurgeonwenttoheaven4A。M。thismorning。11P。M。closingtime。Notarrivedyet。Peter。Thedeadthemselvesthemenanyhowwouldliketohearanoddjokeorthewomentoknowwhat’sinfashion。Ajuicypearorladies’
punch,hot,strongandsweet。Keepoutthedamp。Youmustlaughsometimessobetterdoitthatway。GravediggersinHamlet。Showstheprofoundknowledgeofthehumanheart。Daren’tjokeaboutthedeadfortwoyearsatleast。Demortuisnilnisiprius。Gooutofmourningfirst。Hardtoimaginehisfuneral。Seemsasortofajoke。Readyourownobituarynoticetheysayyoulivelonger。Givesyousecondwind。Newleaseoflife。
Howmanyhaveyoufortomorrow?thecaretakerasked。
Two,CornyKellehersaid。Halftenandeleven。
Thecaretakerputthepapersinhispocket。Thebarrowhadceasedtotrundle。Themournerssplitandmovedtoeachsideofthehole,steppingwithcareroundthegraves。Thegravediggersborethecoffinandsetitsnoseonthebrink,loopingthebandsroundit。
Buryinghim。WecometoburyCaesar。HisidesofMarchorJune。Hedoesn’tknowwhoisherenorcare。
Nowwhoisthatlankylookinggalootoverthereinthemacintosh?NowwhoisheI’dliketoknow?Now,I’dgiveatrifletoknowwhoheis。Alwayssomeoneturnsupyouneverdreamtof。Afellowcouldliveonhislonesomeallhislife。Yes,hecould。Stillhe’dhavetogetsomeonetosodhimafterhediedthoughhecoulddighisowngrave。Wealldo。Onlymanburies。
Noantstoo。Firstthingstrikesanybody。Burythedead。SayRobinsonCrusoewastruetolife。WellthenFridayburiedhim。EveryFridayburiesaThursdayifyoucometolookatit。O,poorRobinsonCrusoe,Howcouldyoupossiblydoso?PoorDignam!Hislastlieontheearthinhisbox。Whenyouthinkofthemallitdoesseemawasteofwood。Allgnawedthrough。Theycouldinventahandsomebierwithakindofpanelslidingletitdownthatway。Aybuttheymightobjecttobeburiedoutofanotherfellow’s。They’resoparticular。
Laymeinmynativeearth。Bitofclayfromtheholyland。Onlyamotheranddeadbornchildeverburiedintheonecoffin。Iseewhatitmeans。
Isee。Toprotecthimaslongaspossibleevenintheearth。TheIrishman’shouseishiscoffin。Enbalmingincatacombs,mummies,thesameidea。
MrBloomstoodfarback,hishatinhishand,countingthebaredheads。
Twelve。I’mthirteen。No。Thechapinthemacintoshisthirteen。Death’snumber。Wherethedeucedidhepopoutof?Hewasn’tinthechapel,thatI’llswear。Sillysuperstitionthataboutthirteen。
NicesofttweedNedLamberthasinthatsuit。Tingeofpurple。IhadonelikethatwhenwelivedinLombardstreetwest。Dressyfellowhewasonce。Usedtochangethreesuitsintheday。MustgetthatgreysuitofmineturnedbyMesias。Hello。It’sdyed。HiswifeIforgothe’snotmarriedorhislandladyoughttohavepickedoutthosethreadsforhim。
Thecoffindivedoutofsight,easeddownbythemenstraddledonthegravetrestles。Theystruggledupandout:andalluncovered。Twenty。
Pause。
Ifwewereallsuddenlysomebodyelse。
Farawayadonkeybrayed。Rain。Nosuchass。Neverseeadeadone,theysay。Shameofdeath。Theyhide。Alsopoorpapawentaway。
Gentlesweetairblewroundthebaredheadsinawhisper。Whisper。Theboybythegraveheadheldhiswreathwithbothhandsstaringquietlyintheblackopenspace。MrBloommovedbehindtheportlykindlycaretaker。
Wellcutfrockcoat。Weighingthemupperhapstoseewhichwillgonext。
Wellitisalongrest。Feelnomore。It’sthemomentyoufeel。Mustbedamnedunpleasant。Can’tbelieveitatfirst。Mistakemustbe:someoneelse。Trythehouseopposite。Wait,Iwantedto。Ihaven’tyet。Thendarkeneddeathchamber。Lighttheywant。Whisperingaroundyou。Wouldyouliketoseeapriest?Thenramblingandwandering。Deliriumallyouhidallyourlife。Thedeathstruggle。Hissleepisnotnatural。Presshislowereyelid。
Watchingishisnosepointedishisjawsinkingarethesolesofhisfeetyellow。Pullthepillowawayandfinishitoffonthefloorsincehe’sdoomed。Devilinthatpictureofsinner’sdeathshowinghimawoman。Dyingtoembraceherinhisshirt。LastactofLucia。ShallInevermorebeholdthee?Bam!expires。Goneatlast。Peopletalkaboutyouabit:forgetyou。Don’tforgettoprayforhim。Rememberhiminyourprayers。EvenParnell。
Ivydaydyingout。Thentheyfollow:droppingintoaholeoneaftertheother。
Weareprayingnowforthereposeofhissoul。Hopingyou’rewellandnotinhell。Nicechangeofair。Outofthefryingpanoflifeintothefireofpurgatory。
Doesheeverthinkoftheholewaitingforhimself?Theysayyoudowhenyoushiverinthesun。Someonewalkingoverit。Callboy’swarning。
Nearyou。MineovertheretowardsFinglas,theplotIbought。Mammapoormamma,andlittleRudy。
Thegravediggerstookuptheirspadesandflungheavyclodsofclayinonthecoffin。MrBloomturnedhisface。Andifhewasaliveallthetime?Whew!ByJingo,thatwouldbeawful!No,no:heisdead,ofcourse。
Ofcourseheisdead。Mondayhedied。Theyoughttohavesomelawtopiercetheheartandmakesureoranelectricclockoratelephoneinthecoffinandsomekindofacanvasairhole。Flagofdistress。Threedays。Ratherlongtokeeptheminsummer。Justaswelltogetshutofthemassoonasyouaresurethere’sno。
Theclayfellsofter。Begintobeforgotten。Outofsight,outofmind。
Thecaretakermovedawayafewpacesandputonhishat。Hadenoughofit。Themournerstookheartofgrace,onebyone,coveringthemselveswithoutshow。MrBloomputonhishatandsawtheportlyfiguremakeitswaydeftlythroughthemazeofgraves。Quietly,sureofhisground,hetraversedthedismalfields。
Hynesjottingdownsomethinginhisnotebook。Ah,thenames。Butheknowsthemall。No:comingtome。
Iamjusttakingthenames,Hynessaidbelowhisbreath。Whatisyourchristianname?I’mnotsure。
L,MrBloomsaid。Leopold。AndyoumightputdownM’Coy’snametoo。
Heaskedmeto。