第64章
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  “But!——“

  “No!”shesaid。

  “Well,haveyourway。”

  Soshecarriedherpoint,andwewanderedintothenighttogetherandBeatricetalkedtomeoflove。

  I’dneverheardawomanbeforeinallmylifewhocouldtalkoflove,whocouldlaybareanddevelopandtouchwithimaginationallthatmassoffineemotioneverywoman,itmaybe,hides。Shehadreadoflove,shehadthoughtoflove,athousandsweetlyricshadsoundedthroughherbrainandleftfinefragmentsinhermemory;shepoureditout,allofit,shamelessly,skilfully,forme。Icannotgiveanysenseofthattalk,Icannoteventellhowmuchofthedelightofitwasthemagicofhervoice,theglowofhernearpresence。Andalwayswewalkedswathedwarmlythroughachillyair,alongdim,interminablegreasyroads——withneverasoulabroaditseemedtous,neverabeastinthefields。

  “Whydopeopleloveeachother?”Isaid。

  “Whynot?”

  “ButwhydoIloveyou?Whyisyourvoicebetterthananyvoice,yourfacesweeterthananyface?”

  “AndwhydoIloveyou?”sheasked;“notonlywhatisfineinyou,butwhatisn’t?WhydoIloveyourdullness,yourarrogance?ForIdo。To——nightIlovetheveryraindropsonthefurofyourcoat!”。

  Sowetalked;andatlastverywet,stillglowingbutalittletired,wepartedatthegardendoor。Wehadbeenwanderingfortwohoursinourstrangeirrationalcommunityofhappiness,andalltheworldaboutus,andparticularlyLadyOspreyandherhousehold,hadbeenasleep——anddreamingofanythingratherthanBeatriceinthenightandrain。

  Shestoodinthedoorway,amuffledfigurewitheyesthatglowed。

  “Comeback。”shewhispered。“Ishallwaitforyou。”

  Shehesitated。

  Shetouchedthelapelofmycoat。“IloveyouNOW。”shesaid,andliftedherfacetomine。

  Iheldhertomeandwasatremblefromtoptotoe。“OGod!”I

  cried。“AndImustgo!”

  Sheslippedfrommyarmsandpaused,regardingme。Foraninstanttheworldseemedfulloffantasticpossibilities。

  “Yes,GO!”shesaid,andvanishedandslammedthedooruponme,leavingmealonelikeamannewfallenfromfairylandintheblackdarknessofthenight。

  ThatexpeditiontoMordetIslandstandsapartfromalltherestofmylife,detached,apiecebyitselfwithanatmosphereofitsown。Itwould,Isuppose,makeabookbyitself——ithasmadeafairlyvoluminousofficialreport——butsofarasthisnovelofminegoesitismerelyanepisode,acontributoryexperience,andImeantokeepitatthat。

  Vileweather,animpatientfrettingagainstunbearableslownessanddelay,sea——sickness,generaldiscomfortandhumiliatingself——revelationarethemastervaluesofthesememories。

  Iwassickallthroughthejourneyout。Idon’tknowwhy。ItwastheonlytimeIwaseversea-sick,andIhaveseensomeprettybadweathersinceIbecameaboat-builder。Butthatphantomsmellofpotatoeswaspeculiarlyviletome。Comingbackonthebrigwewereallill,everyoneofus,sosoonaswegottosea,poisoned,Ifirmlybelieve,byquap。Onthewayoutmostoftheothersrecoveredinafewdays,butthestuffinessbelow,thecoarsefood,thecrampeddirtyaccommodationkeptme,ifnotactuallysea-sick,inastateofacutephysicalwretchednessthewholetime。Theshipaboundedincockroachesandmoreintimatevermin。IwascoldallthetimeuntilafterwepassedCapeVerde,thenIbecamesteamilyhot;IhadbeentoopreoccupiedwithBeatriceandmykeendesiretogettheMaudMaryunderwayatonce,toconsideraproperwardrobeformyself,andinparticularIlackedacoat。Heavens!howIlackedthatcoat!

  And,moreover,IwascoopedupwithtwooftheworstboresinChristendom,Pollackandthecaptain。Pollack,afterconductinghisillnessinastylebetteradaptedtothecapacityofanoperahousethanasmallcompartment,suddenlygotinsupportablywellandbreezy,andproducedamanlypipeinwhichhesmokedatobaccoasblondashimself,anddividedhistimealmostequallybetweensmokingitandtryingtocleanit。“There’sonlythreethingsyoucancleanapipewith。”heusedtoremarkwithatwistofpaperinhand。“Thebest’safeather,thesecond’sastraw,andthethird’sagirl’shairpin。Ineverseesuchaship。Youcan’tfindanyof’em。LasttimeIcamethiswayIdidfindhairpinsanyway,andfound’emonthefloorofthecaptain’scabin。Regulardeposit。Eh?。Feelin’better?”

  AtwhichIusuallyswore。

  “Oh,you’llbeallrightsoon。Don’tmindmypuffin’abit?

  Eh?”

  Henevertiredofaskingmeto“haveahandatNap。Goodgame。

  Makesyouforgetit,andthat’shalfthebattle。”

  Hewouldsitswayingwiththerollingoftheshipandsuckathispipeofblondtobaccoandlookwithaninexpressiblysagebutsomnolentblueeyeatthecaptainbythehourtogether。

  “Captain’saCard。”hewouldsayoverandoveragainastheoutcomeofthesemeditations。“He’dliketoknowwhatwe’reupto。He’dliketoknow——noend。”

  Thatdidseemtobethecaptain’srulingidea。ButhealsowantedtoimpressmewiththenotionthathewasagentlemanofgoodfamilyandtoairanumberofviewsadversetotheEnglish,toEnglishliterature,totheEnglishconstitution,andthelike。

  HehadlearnttheseaintheRoumaniannavy,andEnglishoutofabook;hewouldstillattimespronouncethee’sattheendof“there“and“here“;hewasanaturalisedEnglishman,andhedrovemeintoareluctantanduncongenialpatriotismbyhiseverlastingcarpingatthingsEnglish。Pollackwouldsethimselfto“drawhimout。”HeavenalonecantellhownearIcametomurder。

  Fifty-threedaysIhadoutward,coopedupwiththesetwoandashyandprofoundlydepressedmatewhoreadtheBibleonSundaysandspenttherestofhisleisureinlethargy,threeandfiftydaysoflifecoopedupinaperpetualsmell,inapersistentsickhungerthatturnedfromthesightoffood,indarkness,coldandwet,inalightlyballastedshipthatrolledandpitchedandswayed。Andallthetimethesandsinthehour-glassofmyuncle’sfortuneswerestreamingout。Misery!AmidstitallI

  rememberonlyonethingbrightly,onemorningofsunshineintheBayofBiscayandavisionoffrothingwaves,sapphiregreen,abirdfollowingourwakeandourmastsrollingaboutthesky。

  Thenwindandraincloseinonusagain。

  Youmustnotimaginetheywereordinarydays,days,Imean,ofanaveragelength;theywerenotsomuchdaysaslongdampslabsoftimethatstretchedeachonetothehorizon,andmuchofthatlengthwasnight。Oneparadedthestaggeringdeckinaborrowedsou’-westerhourafterhourinthechilly,windy,splashingandspittingdarkness,orsatinthecabin,boredandill,andlookedatthefacesofthoseinseparablecompanionsbythehelpofalampthatgavesmellratherthanlight。Thenonewouldseegoingup,up,up,andthensinkingdown,down,down,Pollack,extinctpipeinmouth,humorouslyobservant,bringinghismindslowlytotheseventy-seventhdecisionthatthecaptainwasaCard,whilethewordsflowedfromthelatterinanimbleincessantgood。“DisEnglandeetisnotacountryaristocratic,no!Eetisaglorifiedbourgeoisie!Eetisplutocratic。InEnglanddereisnoaristocracysincedeWarsofRoses。IntherestofEuropeeastoftheLatins,yes;inEngland,no。

  “Eetisallmiddle-class,youraEngland。Everythingyoulookat,middle-class。Respectable!Everythinggood——eetis,yousay,shocking。MadameGrundy!Eetisalllimitedandcomputingandself-seeking。Datiswhyyourartissolimited,yourafiction,yourphilosophin,whyyouareallsoinartistic。Youwantnothingbutprofit!Whatwillpay!Whatwouldyou?”。

  HehadallthoseviolentadjunctstospeechweWesternEuropeanshaveabandoned,shruggingsoftheshoulders,wavingofthearms,thrustingoutoftheface,wonderfulgrimacesandtwiddlingsofthehandsunderyournoseuntilyouwantedtohitthemaway。Dayafterdayitwenton,andIhadtokeepanyangertomyself,toreservemyselfforthetimeaheadwhenitwouldbenecessarytoseethequapwasgotaboardandstowed——kneedeepinthisman’sastonishment。Iknewhewouldmakeathousandobjectionstoallwehadbeforeus。Hetalkedlikeadruggedman。Itrangliblyoverhistongue。Andallthetimeonecouldseehisseamanshipfrettinghim,hewasgnawedbyresponsibility,perpetuallyuneasyabouttheship’sposition,perpetuallyimaginingdangers。

  Ifaseahitusexceptionallyhardhe’dbeoutofthecabininaninstantmakinganoutcryofinquiries,andhewaspursuedbyadreadofthehold,ofballastshifting,ofinsidiouswickedleaks。AswedrewneartheAfricancoasthisfearofrocksandshoalsbecameinfectious。

  “Idonotknowdiscoast。”heusedtosay。“IcamaherabecauseGordon-Nasmythwascomingtoo。Denhedoesnotcome!”

  “Fortunesofwar。”Isaid,andtriedtothinkinvainifanymotivebutsheerhaphazardcouldhaveguidedGordon-Nasmythinthechoiceofthesetwomen。IthinkperhapsGordon-Nasmythhadtheartistictemperamentandwantedcontrasts,andalsothatthecaptainhelpedhimtoexpresshisownmalignantAnti-Britishism。

  Hewasindeedanexceptionallyinefficientcaptain。OnthewholeIwasgladIhadcomeevenattheeleventhhourtoseetothings。

  Thecaptain,by-the-by,didatlast,outofsheernervousness,getagroundattheendofMordet’sIsland,butwegotoffinanhourorsowithaswellandalittlehardworkintheboat。

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