第55章
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  Butthegliderbroughtmeupsmartly。Ihadtofindouthowthesethingswentdowntheair,andtheonlywaytofindoutistogodownwithone。AndforatimeIwouldn’tfaceit。

  Thereissomethingimpersonalaboutabook,Isuppose。AtanyrateIfindmyselfabletowritedownherejusttheconfessionI’veneverbeenabletomaketoanyonefacetoface,thefrightfultroubleitwastometobringmyselftodowhatI

  supposeeveryothercolouredboyintheWestIndiescoulddowithoutturningahair,andthatistoflingmyselfoffformyfirstsoardownthewind。Thefirsttrialwasboundtobetheworst;itwasanexperimentImadewithlife,andthechanceofdeathorinjurywas,Isupposed,aboutequaltothechanceofsuccess。Ibelievedthatwithadawn-likelucidity。IhadbegunwithagliderthatIimaginedwasonthelinesoftheWrightbrothers’aeroplane,butIcouldnotbesure。Itmightturnover。Imightupsetit。Itmightburrowitsnoseattheendandsmashitselfandme。Theconditionsoftheflightnecessitatedalertattention;itwasn’tathingtobedonebyjumpingoffandshuttingone’seyesorgettingangryordrunktodoit。Onehadtouseone’sweighttobalance。AndwhenatlastIdidititwashorrible——fortenseconds。Fortensecondsorso,asIsweptdowntheairflattenedonmyinfernalframeworkandwiththewindinmyeyes,therushofthegroundbeneathmefilledmewithsickandhelplessterror;Ifeltasthoughsomeviolentoscillatorycurrentwasthrobbinginbrainandbackbone,andIgroanedaloud。Isetmyteethandgroaned。Itwasagroanwrungoutofmeinspiteofmyself。Mysensationsofterrorswoopedtoaclimax。Andthen,youknow,theyended!

  Suddenlymyterrorwasoveranddonewith。Iwassoaringthroughtheairrightwayup,steadily,andnomischancehadhappened。I

  feltintenselyaliveandmynerveswerestrunglikeabow。I

  shiftedalimb,swervedandshoutedbetweenfearandtriumphasI

  recoveredfromtheswerveandheeledtheotherwayandsteadiedmyself。

  IthoughtIwasgoingtohitarookthatwasflyingathwartme,——itwasqueerwithwhatprojectilesilencethatjumpeduponmeoutofnothingness,andIyelledhelplessly,“Getoutoftheway!”ThebirddoubleditselfuplikeapartlyinvertedV,flapped,wentuptotherightabruptlyandvanishedfrommycircleofinterest。ThenIsawtheshadowofmyaeroplanekeepingafixeddistancebeforemeandverysteady,andtheturfasitseemedstreamingoutbehindit。Theturf!——itwasn’tafterallstreamingsoimpossiblyfast。

  WhenIcameglidingdowntothesafespreadoflevelgreenIhadchosen,Iwasascoolandreadyasacityclerkwhodropsoffanomnibusinmotion,andIhadlearntmuchmorethansoaring。I

  tilteduphernoseattherightmoment,levelledagainandgroundedlikeasnowflakeonawindlessday。Ilayflatforaninstantandthenkneltupandgotonmyfeetatremble,butverysatisfiedwithmyself。Cothopewasrunningdownthehilltome。

  ButfromthatdayIwentintotraining,andIkeptmyselfintrainingformanymonths。Ihaddelayedmyexperimentsforverynearlysixweeksonvariousexcusesbecauseofmydreadofthisfirstflight,becauseoftheslacknessofbodyandspiritthathadcometomewiththebusinesslife。Theshameofthatcowardicespurredmenonethelessbecauseitwasprobablyaltogethermyownsecret。IfeltthatCothopeatanyratemightsuspect。Well,——heshouldn’tsuspectagain。

  ItiscuriousthatIrememberthatshameandselfaccusationanditsconsequencesfarmoredistinctlythanIrecalltheweeksofvacillationbeforeIsoared。ForatimeIwentaltogetherwithoutalcohol,Istoppedsmokingaltogetherandateverysparingly,andeverydayIdidsomethingthatcalledalittleuponmynervesandmuscles。IsoaredasfrequentlyasIcould。

  Isubstitutedamotor-bicyclefortheLondontrainandtookmychancesinthesouthwardtraffic,andIeventriedwhatthrillsweretobegotuponahorse。Buttheyputmeonmadehorses,andIconceivedaperhapsunworthycontemptforthecertitudesofequestrianexerciseincomparisonwiththeadventuresofmechanism。AlsoIwalkedalongthehighwallatthebackofLadyGrovegarden,andatlastbroughtmyselftostridethegapwherethegatecomes。IfIdidn’taltogethergetridofacertaingiddyinstinctbysuchexercises,atleastItrainedmywilluntilitdidn’tmatter。AndsoonInolongerdreadedflight,butwaseagertogohigherintotheair,andIcametoesteemsoaringuponaglider,thatevenoverthedeepestdipinthegroundhadbarelyfortyfeetoffallbeneathit,ameremockeryofwhatflightmightbe。Ibegantodreamofthekeenerfreshnessintheairhighabovethebeechwoods,anditwasrathertosatisfythatdesirethanasanylegitimatedevelopmentofmyproperworkthatpresentlyIturnedapartofmyenergiesandthebulkofmyprivateincometotheproblemofthenavigableballoon。

  Ihadgonefarbeyondthatinitialstage;Ihadhadtwosmashesandabrokenribwhichmyauntnursedwithgreatenergy,andwasgettingsomereputationintheaeronauticworldwhen,suddenly,asthoughshehadneverreallyleftit,theHonourableBeatriceNormandy,dark-eyed,andwiththeolddisorderlywaveofthehairfromherbrow,camebackintomylife。ShecameridingdownagrasspathinthethicketsbelowLadyGrove,percheduponahugeblackhorse,andtheoldEarlofCarnabyandArchieGarvell,herhalf-brother,werewithher。MyunclehadbeenbotheringmeabouttheCrestHillhot-waterpipes,andwewerereturningbyapathtransversetotheirsandcameoutuponthemsuddenly。OldCarnabywastrespassingonourground,andsohehailedusinafriendlyfashionandpulleduptotalktous。

  Ididn’tnoteBeatriceatallatfirst。IwasinterestedinLordCarnaby,thatremarkablevestigeofhisownbrilliantyouth。I

  hadheardofhim,butneverseenhim。Foramanofsixty-fivewhohadsinnedallthesins,sotheysaid,andlaidwastethemostmagnificentpoliticaldebutofanymanofhisgeneration,heseemedtometobelookingremarkablyfitandfresh。Hewasaleanlittlemanwithgrey-blueeyesinhisbrownface,andhiscrackedvoicewastheworstthinginhiseffect。

  “Hopeyoudon’tminduscomingthisway,Ponderevo。”hecried;

  andmyuncle,whowassometimesalittletoogeneralandgenerouswithtitles,answered,“Notatall,mylord,notatall!Gladyoumakeuseofit!”

  “You’rebuildingagreatplaceoverthehill。”saidCarnaby。

  “ThoughtI’dmakeashowforonce。”saidmyuncle。“Itlooksbigbecauseit’sspreadoutforthesun。”

  “Airandsunlight。”saidtheearl。“Youcan’thavetoomuchofthem。Butbeforeourtimetheyusedtobuildforshelterandwaterandthehighroad。”

  ThenIdiscoveredthatthesilentfigurebehindtheearlwasBeatrice。

  I’dforgottenhersufficientlytothinkforamomentthatshehadn’tchangedatallsinceshehadwatchedmefrombehindtheskirtsofLadyDrew。Shewaslookingatme,andherdaintybrowunderherbroadbrimmedhat——shewaswearingagreyhatandlooseunbuttonedcoat——wasknitwithperplexity,trying,Isuppose,torememberwhereshehadseenmebefore。Hershadedeyesmetminewiththatmutequestion。

  Itseemedincredibletomeshedidn’tremember。

  “Well。”saidtheearlandtouchedhishorse。

  Garvellwaspattingtheneckofhishorse,whichwasinclinedtofidget,anddisregardingme。Henoddedoverhisshoulderandfollowed。Hismovementseemedtoreleaseatrainofmemoriesinher。Sheglancedsuddenlyathimandthenbackatmewithaflashofrecognitionthatwarmedinstantlytoafaintsmile。

  Shehesitatedasiftospeaktome,smiledbroadlyandunderstandinglyandturnedtofollowtheothers。Allthreebrokeintoacanterandshedidnotlookback。Istoodforasecondorsoatthecrossingofthelanes,watchingherrecede,andthenbecameawarethatmyunclewasalreadysomepacesoffandtalkingoverhisshoulderinthebeliefthatIwasclosebehind。I

  turnedaboutandstrodetoovertakehim。MymindwasfullofBeatriceandthissurprise。IrememberedhersimplyasaNormandy。I’dcleanforgottenthatGarvellwasthesonandshethestep-daughterofourneighbour,LadyOsprey。Indeed,I’dprobablyforgottenatthattimethatwehadLadyOspreyasaneighbour。Therewasnoreasonatallforrememberingit。ItwasamazingtofindherinthisSurreycountryside,whenI’dneverthoughtofheraslivinganywhereintheworldbutatBladesoverPark,nearfortymilesandtwentyyearsaway。Shewassoalive——sounchanged!Thesamequickwarmbloodwasinhercheeks。Itseemedonlyyesterdaythatwehadkissedamongthebrackenstems。

  “Eh?”Isaid。

  “Isayhe’sgoodstuff。”saidmyuncle。“Youcansaywhatyoulikeagainstthearistocracy,George;LordCarnaby’srattlinggoodstuff。There’sasortofSavoirFaire,something——it’sanold-fashionedphrase,George,butagoodonethere’saBong-Tong。It’sliketheOxfordturf,George,youcan’tgrowitinayear。Iwonderhowtheydoit。It’slivingalwaysonaScale,George。It’sbeingtherefromthebeginning。”。

  “Shemight。”Isaidtomyself,“beapicturebyRomneycomealive!”

  “Theytellallthesestoriesabouthim。”saidmyuncle,“butwhatdotheyallamountto?”

  “Gods!”Isaidtomyself;“butwhyhaveIforgottenforsolong?

  Thosequeerlittlebrowsofhers,thetouchofmischiefinhereyes——thewayshebreaksintoasmile!”

  “Idon’tblamehim。”saidmyuncle。“Mostlyit’simagination。

  Thatandleisure,George。WhenIwasayoungmanIwaskeptprettybusy。Sowereyou。Eventhen——!”

  WhatpuzzledmemoreparticularlywasthequeertrickofmymemorythathadneverrecalledanythingvitalofBeatricewhateverwhenImetGarvellagainthathad,indeed,recallednothingexceptaboyishantagonismandourfight。Nowwhenmysenseswerefullofher,itseemedincrediblethatIcouldeverhaveforgotten。

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