第33章
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  Sheleantforwardoverthetable,staringblankly。Butpresentlyherhalf-avertedfacebegantohauntmeasshehadsatatthetable,andherarmandthelongdroopofhershoulder。

  ThenextdayIdidanunexampledthing。Isentatelegramtomyuncle,“Badtempernotcomingtobusiness。”andsetoffforHighgateandEwart。Hewasactuallyatwork——onabustofMillie,andseemedverygladforanyinterruption。

  “Ewart,youoldFool。”Isaid,“knockoffandcomeforaday’sgossip。I’mrotten。There’sasympatheticsortoflunacyaboutyou。Let’sgotoStainesandpaddleuptoWindsor。”

  “Girl?”saidEwart,puttingdownachisel。

  “Yes。”

  ThatwasallItoldhimofmyaffair。

  “I’vegotnomoney。”heremarked,toclearupambiguityinmyinvitation。

  Wegotajarofshandy-gaff,somefood,and,onEwart’ssuggestion,twoJapanesesunshadesinStaines;wedemandedextracushionsattheboathouseandwespentanenormouslysoothingdayindiscourseandmeditation,ourboatmooredinashadyplacethissideofWindsor。IseemtorememberEwartwithacushionforward,onlyhisheelsandsunshadeandsomeblackendsofhairshowing,avoiceandnomore,againsttheshining,smoothly-streamingmirrorofthetreesandbushes。

  “It’snotworthit。”wastheburthenofthevoice。“You’dbettergetyourselfaMillie,Ponderevo,andthenyouwouldn’tfeelsoupset。”

  “No。”Isaiddecidedly,“that’snotmyway。”

  AthreadofsmokeascendedfromEwartforawhile,likesmokefromanaltar。

  “Everything’samuddle,andyouthinkitisn’t。Nobodyknowswhereweare——because,asamatteroffactwearen’tanywhere。

  Arewomenproperty——oraretheyfellow-creatures?Orasortofproprietarygoddesses?They’resoobviouslyfellow-creatures。

  Youbelieveinthegoddess?”

  “No。”Isaid,“that’snotmyidea。”

  “Whatisyouridea?”

  “Well“

  “H’m。”saidEwart,inmypause。

  “Myidea。”Isaid,“istomeetonepersonwhowillbelongtome——towhomIshallbelong——bodyandsoul。Nohalf-gods!Waittillshecomes。Ifshecomesatall。Wemustcometoeachotheryoungandpure。”

  “There’snosuchthingasapurepersonoranimpureperson。

  Mixedtobeginwith。”

  Thiswassomanifestlytruethatitsilencedmealtogether。

  “Andifyoubelongtoherandshetoyou,Ponderevo——whichend’sthehead?”

  Imadenoanswerexceptanimpatient“oh!”

  Foratimewesmokedinsilence。

  “DidItellyou,Ponderevo,ofawonderfuldiscoveryI’vemade?”

  Ewartbeganpresently。

  “No。”Isaid,“whatisit?”

  “There’snoMrs。Grundy。”

  “No?”

  “No!Practicallynot。I’vejustthoughtallthatbusinessout。

  She’smerelyaninstrument,Ponderevo。She’sbornetheblame。

  Grundy’saman。Grundyunmasked。Ratherleanandoutofsorts。

  Earlymiddleage。Withbunchyblackwhiskersandaworriedeye。

  Beengoodsofar,andit’sfrettinghim!Moods!There’sGrundyinastateofsexualpanic,forexample,——’ForGod’ssakecoveritup!Theygettogether——theygettogether!It’stooexciting!

  Themostdreadfulthingsarehappening!’Rushingabout——longarmsgoinglikeawindmill。’Theymustbekeptapart!’Startsoutforanabsoluteobliterationofeverythingabsoluteseparations。Onesideoftheroadformen,andtheotherforwomen,andahoarding——withoutpostersbetweenthem。Everyboyandgirltobesewedupinasackandsealed,justtheheadandhandsandfeetoutuntiltwenty-one。Musicabolished,calicogarmentsfortheloweranimals!Sparrowstobesuppressed——ab-so-lutely。”

  Ilaughedabruptly。

  “Well,that’sMr。Grundyinonemood——anditputsMrs。

  Grundy——She’samuch-malignedperson,Ponderevo——arakeatheart——anditputsherinamostpainfulstateoffluster——mostpainful!She’sanamenablecreature。WhenGrundytellsherthingsareshocking,she’sshocked——pinkandbreathless。Shegoesabouttryingtoconcealherprofoundsenseofguiltbehindahaughtyexpression。

  “Grundy,meanwhile,isinastateofcompletewhirlabout。Longleanknucklyhandspointingandgesticulating!’They’restillthinkingofthings——thinkingofthings!It’sdreadful。Theygetitoutofbooks。Ican’timaginewheretheygetit!Imustwatch!There’repeopleovertherewhispering!Nobodyoughttowhisper!——There’ssomethingsuggestiveinthemereact!Then,pictures!Inthemuseum——thingstoodreadfulforwords。Whycan’twehavepureart——withtheanatomyallwrongandpureandnice——andpurefictionpurepoetry,insteadofallthisstuffwithallusions——allusions?。Excuseme!There’ssomethingupbehindthatlockeddoor!Thekeyhole!Intheinterestsofpublicmorality——yes,Sir,asapuregoodman——Iinsist——I’LL

  look——itwon’thurtme——Iinsistonlookingmyduty——M’m’m——thekeyhole!’“

  Hekickedhislegsaboutextravagantly,andIlaughedagain。

  “That’sGrundyinonemood,Ponderevo。Itisn’tMrs。Grundy。

  That’soneofthelieswetellaboutwomen。They’retoosimple。

  Simple!WomanAREsimple!Theytakeonjustwhatmentell’em。”

  Ewartmeditatedforaspace。“Justexactlyasit’sputtothem。”

  hesaid,andresumedthemoodsofMr。Grundy。

  “ThenyougetoldGrundyinanothermood。Evercaughthimnosing,Ponderevo?Madwiththeideaofmysterious,unknown,wicked,deliciousthings。Thingsthataren’trespectable。Wow!

  Thingshemustn’tdo!。Anyonewhoknowsaboutthesethings,knowsthere’sjustasmuchmysteryanddeliciousnessaboutGrundy’sforbiddenthingsasthereisabouteatingham。Jollyniceifit’sabrightmorningandyou’rewellandhungryandhavingbreakfastintheopenair。Jollyunattractiveifyou’reoffcolour。ButGrundy’scovereditallupandhiddenitandputmuckyshadesandcoversoverituntilhe’sforgottenit。Beginstofesterrounditinhismind。Hasdreadfulstruggles——withhimselfaboutimpurethoughts。ThenyousetGrundywithhotears,——curiousinundertones。Grundyontheloose,Grundyinahoarsewhisperandwithfurtiveeyesandconvulsivemovements——makingthingsindecent。Evolving——indensevapours——indecency!

  “Grundysins。Oh,yes,he’sahypocrite。Sneaksroundacornerandsinsugly。It’sGrundyandhisdarkcornersthatmakevice,vice!Weartists——wehavenovices。

  “Andthenhe’sfranticwithrepentance。Andwantstobecrueltofallenwomenanddecentharmlesssculptorsofthesimplenude——likeme——andsobacktohispanicagain。”

  “Mrs。Grundy,Isuppose,doesn’tknowhesins。”Iremarked。

  “No?I’mnotsosure。But,blessherheartshe’sawoman。

  She’sawoman。ThenagainyougetGrundywithalargegreasysmile——likeanaccidenttoabuttertub——alloverhisface,beingLiberalMinded——GrundyinhisAnti-Puritanmoments,’tryingnottoseeHarminit’——Grundythefriendofinnocentpleasure。HemakesyousickwiththeHarmhe’stryingnottoseeinit。

  “Andthat’swhyeverything’swrong,Ponderevo。Grundy,damnhim!

  standsinthelight,andweyoungpeoplecan’tsee。Hismoodsaffectus。Wecatchhisgustsofpanic,hisdiseaseofnosing,hisgreasiness。Wedon’tknowwhatwemaythink,whatwemaysay,hedoeshissillyutmosttopreventourreadingandseeingtheonething,theonesortofdiscussionwefind——quitenaturallyandproperly——supremelyinteresting。Sowedon’tadolescence;weblunderuptosex。Dare——daretolook——andhemaydirtyouforever!Thegirlsareterror-strickentosilencebyhissignificantwhiskers,bytheblearysomethinginhiseyes。”

  SuddenlyEwart,withanalmostJack-in-the-boxeffect,satup。

  “He’saboutuseverywhere,Ponderevo。”hesaid,verysolemnly。

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