第12章
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  “No,mother。”Isaid。

  Ipromisedcarelessly。Hereyeswerefixeduponme。IwaswonderingwhetherIcouldbyanymeansbeginLatinthatnight。

  Somethingtouchedherheartthen,somethought,somememory;

  perhapssomepremonition。Thesolitaryporterbeganslammingcarriagedoors。

  “George“shesaidhastily,almostshamefully,“kissme!”

  Isteppedupintohercompartmentasshebentdownward。

  Shecaughtmeinherarmsquiteeagerly,shepressedmetoher——astrangethingforhertodo。Iperceivedhereyeswereextraordinarilybright,andthenthisbrightnessburstalongthelowerlidsandrolleddownhercheeks。

  ForthefirstandlasttimeinmylifeIsawmymother’stears。

  Thenshehadgone,leavingmediscomfortedandperplexed,forgettingforatimeeventhatIwastolearnLatin,thinkingofmymotherasofsomethingnewandstrange。

  ThethingrecurredthoughIsoughttodismissit,itstuckitselfintomymemoryagainstthedayoffullerunderstanding。Poor,proud,habitual,sternlynarrowsoul!poordifficultandmisunderstandingson!itwasthefirsttimethateveritdawneduponmethatmymotheralsomightperhapsfeel。

  Mymotherdiedsuddenlyand,itwasthoughtbyLadyDrew,inconsiderately,thefollowingspring。HerladyshipinstantlyfledtoFolkestonewithMissSomervilleandFison,untilthefuneralshouldbeoverandmymother’ssuccessorinstalled。

  Myuncletookmeovertothefuneral。Iremembertherewasasortofprolongedcrisisinthedaysprecedingthisbecause,directlyheheardofmyloss,hehadsentapairofchecktrouserstotheJudkinspeopleinLondontobedyedblack,andtheydidnotcomebackintime。Hebecameveryexcitedonthethirdday,andsentanumberofincreasinglyfierytelegramswithoutanyresultwhatever,andsuccumbednextmorningwithaveryillgracetomyauntSusan’sinsistenceupontheresourcesofhisdress-suit。Inmymemorythoseblacklegsofhis,inaparticularlythinandshinyblackcloth——forevidentlyhisdress-suitdatedfromadolescentandslendererdays——straddleliketheColossusofRhodesovermyapproachtomymother’sfuneral。Moreover,Iwasinconveniencedanddistractedbyasilkhathehadboughtme,myfirstsilkhat,muchennobled,ashiswasalso,byadeepmourningband。

  Iremember,butratherindistinctly,mymother’swhitepaneledhousekeeper’sroomandthetouchofoddnessaboutitthatshewasnotthere,andthevariousfamiliarfacesmadestrangebyblack,andIseemtorecalltheexaggeratedself-consciousnessthataroseoutoftheirfocussedattention。Nodoubtthesenseofthenewsilkhatcameandwentandcameagaininmyemotionalchaos。

  Thensomethingcomesoutclearandsorrowful,risesoutclearandsheerfromamongalltheseratherbaseandinconsequentthings,andonceagainIwalkbeforealltheothermournersclosebehindhercoffinasitiscarriedalongthechurchyardpathtohergrave,withtheoldvicar’sslowvoicesayingregretfullyandunconvincinglyaboveme,triumphantsolemnthings。

  “Iamtheresurrectionandthelife,saiththeLord;hethatbelievethinme,thoughheweredead,yetshallhelive:andwhosoeverlivethandbelievethinmeshallneverdie。”

  Neverdie!Thedaywasahighandgloriousmorninginspring,andallthetreeswerebuddingandburstingintogreen。

  Everywheretherewereblossomsandflowers;thepeartreesandcherrytreesinthesexton’sgardenweresunlitsnow,therewerenoddingdaffodilsandearlytulipsinthegraveyardbeds,greatmultitudesofdaisies,andeverywherethebirdsseemedsinging。

  Andinthemiddlewasthebrowncoffinend,tiltingonmen’sshouldersandhalfoccludedbythevicar’sOxfordhood。

  Andsowecametomymother’swaitinggrave。

  ForatimeIwasveryobservant,watchingthecoffinlowered,hearingthewordsoftheritual。Itseemedaverycuriousbusinessaltogether。

  Suddenlyastheservicedrewtoitsend,Ifeltsomethinghadstilltobesaidwhichhadnotbeensaid,realisedthatshehadwithdrawninsilence,neitherforgivingmenorhearingfromme——thosenowlostassurances。SuddenlyIknewIhadnotunderstood。SuddenlyIsawhertenderly;rememberednotsomuchtenderorkindlythingsofherashercrossedwishesandthewaysinwhichIhadthwartedher。SurprisinglyIrealisedthatbehindallherhardnessandseverityshehadlovedme,thatIwastheonlythingshehadeverlovedandthatuntilthismomentI

  hadneverlovedher。Andnowshewasthereanddeafandblindtome,pitifullydefeatedinherdesignsforme,coveredfrommesothatshecouldnotknow。

  Idugmynailsintothepalmsofmyhands,Isetmyteeth,buttearsblindedme,sobswouldhavechokedmehadspeechbeenrequiredofme。Theoldvicarreadon,therecameamumbledresponse——andsoontotheend。Iweptasitwereinternally,andonlywhenwehadcomeoutofthechurchyardcouldIthinkandspeakcalmlyagain。

  StampedacrossthismemoryarethelittleblackfiguresofmyuncleandRabbits,tellingAvebury,thesextonandundertaker,that“ithadallpassedoffverywell——verywellindeed。”

  ThatisthelastIshalltellofBladesover。Thedropscenefallsonthat,anditcomesnomoreasanactualpresenceintothisnovel。Ididindeedgobackthereonceagain,butundercircumstancesquiteimmaterialtomystory。ButinasenseBladesoverhasneverleftme;itis,asIsaidattheoutset,oneofthosedominantexplanatoryimpressionsthatmaketheframeworkofmymind。BladesoverilluminatesEngland;ithasbecomeallthatisspacious,dignifiedpretentious,andtrulyconservativeinEnglishlife。Itismysocialdatum。ThatiswhyIhavedrawnithereonsolargeascale。

  WhenIcamebackatlasttotherealBladesoveronaninconsequentvisit,everythingwasfarsmallerthanIcouldhavesupposedpossible。ItwasasthougheverythinghadshiveredandshrivelledalittleattheLichtensteintouch。Theharpwasstillinthesaloon,buttherewasadifferentgrandpianowithapaintedlidandametrostylepianola,andanextraordinaryquantityofartisticlitterandbric-a-bracscatteredabout。

  TherewasthetrailoftheBondStreetshowroomoveritall。Thefurniturewasstillunderchintz,butitwasn’tthesamesortofchintzalthoughitpretendedtobe,andthelustre-danglingchandeliershadpassedaway。LadyLichtenstein’sbooksreplacedthebrownvolumesIhadbrowsedamong——theyweremostlypresentationcopiesofcontemporarynovelsandtheNationalReviewandtheEmpireReview,andtheNineteenthCenturyandafterjostledcurrentbooksonthetables——Englishnewbooksingaudycatchpenny“artistic“covers,FrenchandItaliannovelsinyellow,Germanarthandbooksofalmostincredibleugliness。

  TherewereabundantevidencesthatherladyshipwasplayingwiththeKelticrenascence,andagreatnumberofuglycatsmadeofchina——she“collected“chinaandstonewarecats——stoodabouteverywhere——inallcolours,inallkindsofdeliberatelycomic,highlyglazeddistortion。

  Itisnonsensetopretendthatfinancemakesanybetteraristocratsthanrent。Nothingcanmakeanaristocratbutpride,knowledge,training,andthesword。ThesepeoplewerenoimprovementontheDrews,nonewhatever。Therewasnoeffectofabeneficialreplacementofpassiveunintelligentpeoplebyactiveintelligentones。Onefeltthatasmallerbutmoreenterprisingandintenselyundignifiedvarietyofstupidityhadreplacedthelargedullnessoftheoldgentry,andthatwasall。

  Bladesover,Ithought,hadundergonejustthesamechangebetweentheseventiesandthenewcenturythathadovertakenthedearoldTimes,andheavenknowshowmuchmoreofthedecorousBritishfabric。TheseLichtensteinsandtheirlikeseemtohavenopromiseinthematallofanyfreshvitalityforthekingdom。I

  donotbelieveintheirintelligenceortheirpower——theyhavenothingnewaboutthematall,nothingcreativenorrejuvenescent,nomorethanadisorderlyinstinctofacquisition;

  andtheprevalenceofthemandtheirkindisbutaphaseinthebroadslowdecayofthegreatsocialorganismofEngland。TheycouldnothavemadeBladesovertheycannotreplaceit;theyjusthappentobreakoutoverit——saprophytically。

  Well——thatwasmylastimpressionofBladesover。

  SofarasIcanremembernow,exceptforthatoneemotionalphasebythegraveside,Ipassedthroughalltheseexperiencesrathercallously。Ihadalready,withthefacilityofyouth,changedmyworld,ceasedtothinkatalloftheoldschoolroutineandputBladesoverasidefordigestionatalatterstage。ItookupmynewworldinWimblehurstwiththechemist’sshopasitshub,settoworkatLatinandmateriamedica,andconcentrateduponthepresentwithallmyheart。WimblehurstisanexceptionallyquietandgreySussextownrareamongsouthofEnglandtownsinbeinglargelybuiltofstone。Ifoundsomethingveryagreeableandpicturesqueinitscleancobbledstreets,itsoddturningsandabruptcorners;andinthepleasantparkthatcrowdsuponesideofthetown。ThewholeplaceisundertheEastrydominionanditwastheEastryinfluenceanddignitythatkeptitsrailwaystationamileandthree-quartersaway。EastryHouseissoclosethatitdominatesthewhole;onegoesacrossthemarketplacewithitsoldlock-upandstocks,pastthegreatpre-reformationchurch,afinegreyshell,likesomeemptyskullfromwhichthelifehasfled,andthereatoncearethehugewrought-irongates,andonepeepsthroughthemtoseethefacadeofthisplace,verywhiteandlargeandfine,downalongavenueofyews。EastrywasfargreaterthanBladesoverandanaltogethercompleterexampleoftheeighteenthcenturysystem。

  Itrulednottwovillages,butaborough,thathadsentitssonsandcousinstoparliamentalmostasamatterofrightsolongasitsfranchiseendured。Everyonewasinthesystem,everyone——exceptmyuncle。Hestoodoutandcomplained。

  MyunclewasthefirstrealbreachIfoundinthegreatfrontofBladesovertheworldhadpresentedme,forChathamwasnotsomuchabreachasaconfirmation。ButmyunclehadnorespectforBladesoverandEastry——nonewhatever。Hedidnotbelieveinthem。Hewasblindeventowhattheywere。Hepropoundedstrangephrasesaboutthem,heexfoliatedandwaggedaboutnovelandincredibleideas。

  “Thisplace。”saidmyuncle,surveyingitfromhisopendoorwayinthedignifiedstillnessofasummerafternoon,“wantsWakingUp!”

  Iwassortinguppatentmedicinesinthecorner。

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