第6章
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  ItwasBeatricewhoinsisteduponourmeeting。

  IamcertainIknewquitealotaboutloveatfourteenandthatI

  wasquiteasmuchinlovewithBeatricethenasanyimpassionedadultcouldbe,andthatBeatricewas,inherway,inlovewithme。Itispartofthedecentandusefulpretencesofourworldthatchildrenoftheageatwhichwewere,thinknothing,feelnothing,knownothingoflove。ItiswonderfulwhatpeopletheEnglishareforkeepinguppretences。ButindeedIcannotavoidtellingthatBeatriceandItalkedofloveandkissedandembracedoneanother。

  Irecallsomethingofonetalkundertheoverhangingbushesoftheshrubbery——Iontheparksideofthestonewall,andtheladyofmyworshipalittleinelegantlyastridethereon。InelegantlydoIsay?youshouldhaveseenthesweetimpasIrememberher。

  Justherpoiseonthewallcomessuddenlyclearbeforeme,andbehindherthelightvariousbranchesofthebushesoftheshrubberythatmyfeetmightnotprofane,andfarawayandhighbehindher,dimandstately,thecorniceofthegreatfacadeofBladesoverroseagainstthedappledsky。Ourtalkmusthavebeenseriousandbusiness-like,forwewerediscussingmysocialposition。

  “Idon’tloveArchie。”shehadsaid,aproposofnothing;andtheninawhisper,leaningforwardwiththehairaboutherface,“I

  loveYOU!”

  ButshehadbeenalittlepressingtohaveitclearthatIwasnotandcouldnotbeaservant。

  “You’llneverbeaservant——ever!”

  Isworethatveryreadily,anditisavowIhavekeptbynature。

  “Whatwillyoube?”saidshe。

  Iranmymindhastilyovertheprofessions。

  “Willyoubeasoldier?”sheasked。

  “Andbebawledatbyduffers?Nofear!”saidI。“Leavethattotheplough-boys。”

  “Butanofficer?“

  “Idon’tknow。”Isaid,evadingashamefuldifficulty。

  “I’drathergointothenavy。”

  “Wouldn’tyouliketofight?”

  “I’dliketofight。”Isaid。“Butacommonsoldierit’snohonourtohavetobetoldtofightandtobelookeddownuponwhileyoudoit,andhowcouldIbeanofficer?”

  “Couldn’tyoube?”shesaid,andlookedatmedoubtfully;andthespacesofthesocialsystemopenedbetweenus。

  Then,asbecameamaleofspirit,Itookuponmyselftobragandliemywaythroughthistrouble。IsaidIwasapoorman,andpoormenwentintothenavy;thatI“knew“mathematics,whichnoarmyofficerdid;andIclaimedNelsonforanexemplar,andspokeveryhighlyofmyoutlookuponbluewater。“HelovedLadyHamilton。”Isaid,“althoughshewasalady——andIwillloveyou。”

  Weweresomewherenearthatwhentheegregiousgovernessbecameaudible,calling“Beeee-atrice!Beeee-e-atrice!”

  “Sniftybeast!”saidmylady,andtriedtogetonwiththeconversation;butthatgovernessmadethingsimpossible。

  “Comehere!”saidmyladysuddenly,holdingoutagrubbyhand;

  andIwentveryclosetoher,andsheputherlittleheaddownuponthewalluntilherblackfogofhairtickledmycheek。

  “Youaremyhumble,faithfullover。”shedemandedinawhisper,herwarmflushedfaceneartouchingmine,andhereyesverydarkandlustrous。

  “Iamyourhumble,faithfullover。”Iwhisperedback。

  Andsheputherarmaboutmyheadandputoutherlipsandwekissed,andboythoughIwas,Iwasallatremble。Sowetwokissedforthefirsttime。

  “Beeee-e-e-a-trice!”fearfullyclose。

  Myladyhadvanished,withonewildkickofherblack-stockingleg。Amomentafter,Iheardhersustainingthereproachesofhergoverness,andexplainingherfailuretoanswerwithanadmirablelucidityanddisingenuousness。

  Ifeltitwasunnecessaryformetobeseenjustthen,andI

  vanishedguiltilyroundthecornerintotheWestWood,andsotolove-dreamsandsingle-handedplay,wanderingalongoneofthosemeanderingbrackenvalleysthatvariedBladesoverpark。Andthatdayandformanydaysthatkissuponmylipswasaseal,andbynighttheseedofdreams。

  ThenIrememberanexpeditionwemade——she,I,andherhalf-brother——intothoseWestWoods——theytwoweresupposedtobeplayingintheshrubbery——andhowwewereIndiansthere,andmadeawigwamoutofapileofbeechlogs,andhowwestalkeddeer,creptnearandwatchedrabbitsfeedinginaglade,andalmostgotasquirrel。ItwasplayseasonedwithplentifuldisputingbetweenmeandyoungGarvell,foreachfirmlyinsistedupontheleadingroles,andonlymywiderreading——Ihadreadtenstoriestohisone——gavemetheascendencyoverhim。AlsoIscoredoverhimbyknowinghowtofindtheeagleinabrackenstem。Andsomehow——Idon’trememberwhatledtoitatall——IandBeatrice,twohotandruffledcreatures,creptinamongthetallbrackenandhidfromhim。Thegreatfrondsroseaboveus,fivefeetormore,andasIhadlearnthowtowrigglethroughthatundergrowthwiththeminimumofbetrayalbytossinggreeneryabove,Iledtheway。Thegroundunderbrackenisbeautifullyclearandfaintlyscentedinwarmweather;thestemscomeupblackandthengreen;

  ifyoucrawlflat,itisatropicalforestinminiature。IledthewayandBeatricecrawledbehind,andthenasthegreenofthefurthergladeopenedbeforeus,stopped。Shecrawleduptome,herhotlittlefacecameclosetomine;oncemoreshelookedandbreathedclosetome,andsuddenlysheflungherarmaboutmyneckanddraggedmetoearthbesideher,andkissedmeandkissedmeagain。Wekissed,weembracedandkissedagain,allwithoutaword;wedesisted,westaredandhesitated——theninasuddenlydampedmoodandalittleperplexedatourselves,crawledout,tobepresentlyrundownandcaughtinthetamestwaybyArchie。

  Thatcomesbackveryclearlytome,andothervaguememories——I

  knowoldHallandhisgun,outshootingatjackdaws,cameintoourcommonexperiences,butIdon’trememberhow;andthenatlast,abruptly,ourfightintheWarrenstandsout。TheWarren,likemostplacesinEnglandthathavethatname,wasnotparticularlyawarren,itwasalongslopeofthornsandbeechesthroughwhichapathran,andmadeanalternativeroutetothedownhillcarriageroadbetweenBladesoverandRopedean。Idon’tknowhowwethreegotthere,butIhaveanuncertainfancyitwasconnectedwithavisitpaidbythegovernesstotheRopedeanvicaragepeople。ButsuddenlyArchieandI,indiscussingagame,fellintoadisputeforBeatrice。Ihadmadehimthefairestoffer:IwastobeaSpanishnobleman,shewastobemywife,andhewastobeatribeofIndianstryingtocarryheroff。ItseemstomeafairlyattractiveoffertoaboytobeawholetribeofIndianswithachanceofsuchabooty。ButArchiesuddenlytookoffence。

  “No。”hesaid;“wecan’thavethat!”

  “Can’thavewhat?”

  “Youcan’tbeagentleman,becauseyouaren’t。Andyoucan’tplayBeatriceisyourwife。It’s——it’simpertinent。”

  “But“Isaid,andlookedather。

  Someearliergrudgeintheday’saffairsmusthavebeeninArchie’smind。“Weletyouplaywithus。”saidArchie;“butwecan’thavethingslikethat。”

  “Whatrot!”saidBeatrice。“Hecanifhelikes。”

  Buthecarriedhispoint。Ilethimcarryit,andonlybegantogrowangrythreeorfourminuteslater。Thenwewerestilldiscussingplayanddisputingaboutanothergame。Nothingseemedrightforallofus。

  “Wedon’twantyoutoplaywithusatall。”saidArchie。

  “Yes,wedo。”saidBeatrice。

  “Hedropshisaitcheslikeanything。”

  “No,’edoesn’t。”saidI,intheheatofthemoment。

  “Thereyougo!”hecried。“E,hesays。E!E!E!”

  Hepointedafingeratme。Hehadstrucktotheheartofmyshame。Imadetheonlypossiblereplybyarushathim。

  “Hello!”hecried,atmyblackavisedattack。Hedroppedbackintoanattitudethathadsomestyleinit,parriedmyblow,gotbackatmycheek,andlaughedwithsurpriseandreliefathisownsuccess。WhereuponIbecameathingofmurderousrage。HecouldboxaswellorbetterthanI——hehadyettorealiseIknewanythingofthatatall——butIhadfoughtonceortwicetoafinishwithbarefists。Iwasusedtoinflictingandenduringsavagehurting,andIdoubtifhehadeverfought。Ihadn’tfoughttensecondsbeforeIfeltthissoftnessinhim,realisedallthatqualityofmodernupper-classEnglandthatnevergoestothequick,thathedgesaboutrulesandthosepettypointsofhonourthataretheultimatecomminutionofhonour,thatclaimscreditforthingsdemonstrablyhalfdone。Heseemedtothinkthatfirsthitofhisandoneortwoothersweregoingtomatter,thatIoughttogiveinwhenpresentlymylipbledanddrippedblooduponmyclothes。Sobeforewehadbeenatitaminutehehadceasedtobeaggressiveexceptinmomentaryspurts,andIwasknockinghimaboutalmostasIwantedtodo;anddemandingbreathlesslyandfiercely,afterourschoolmanner,whetherhehadhadenough,notknowingthatbyhishighcodeandhissofttrainingitwasequallyimpossibleforhimtoeitherbuck-upandbeatme,orgivein。

  IhaveaverydistinctimpressionofBeatricedancingaboutusduringtheaffairinastateofunladylikeappreciation,butI

  wastoopreoccupiedtohearmuchofwhatshewassaying。Butshecertainlybackedusboth,andIaminclinedtothinknow——itmaybethedisillusionmentofmyripenedyears——whichevershethoughtwaswinning。

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