`“Ah！that’sbecauseyouthinkyourselfmorefittodie！”
`Therewasapainfulpause。Hewasevidentlyplungedingloomyreflections，butwhileIponderedforsomethingtosay，thatmightbenefitwithoutalarminghim，Hattersley，whosemindhadbeenpursuingalmostthesamecourse，brokesilencewith，——
`“Isay，Huntingdon，Icouldsendforaparson，ofsomesort——Ifyoudidn’tlikethevicar，youknow，youcouldhavehiscurate，orsomebodyelse。”
`“No；noneofthemcanbenefitmeifshecan’t。”wastheanswer。Andthetearsgushedfromhiseyesasheearnestlyexclaimed，——“Oh，Helen，ifIhadlistenedtoyou，itneverwouldhavecometothis！AndifIhadheardyoulongago——oh，God！howdifferentitwouldhavebeen！”
`“Hearmenow，then，Arthur。”saidI，gentlypressinghishand。
`“It’stoolatenow。”saidhedespondently。Andafterthatanotherparoxysmofpaincameon；andthenhismindbegantowander，andwefearedhisdeathwasapproaching；butanopiatewasadministered，hissufferingsbegantoabate，hegraduallybecamemorecomposed，andatlengthsankintoakindofslumber。Hehasbeenquietersince；andnowHattersleyhaslefthim，expressingahopethatheshallfindhimbetterwhenhecallsto-morrow。
`“Perhaps，Imayrecover。”hereplied，“whoknows？——thismayhavebeenthecrisis。Whatdoyouthink，Helen？”
`Unwillingtodepresshim，IgavethemostcheeringanswerIcould，butstillrecommendedhimtoprepareforthepossibilityofwhatIonlyfearedwasbuttoocertain。ButhewasdeterminedtohopeShortlyafter，herelapsedintoakindofdoze——butnowhegroansagain。
`Thereisachange。Suddenlyhecalledmetohisside，withsuchastrange，excitedmannerthatIfearedhewasdelirious——buthewasnot。
“Thatwasthecrisis，Helen！”saidhedelightedly。“Ihadaninfernalpainhere——itisquitegonenow；Ineverwassoeasysincethefall。bitegone，byHeaven！”andheclaspedandkissedmyhandintheveryfullnessofhisheart；but，findingIdidnotparticipatehisjoy，hequicklyflungitfromhim，andbitterlycursedmycoldnessandinsensibility。HowcouldIreply？Kneelingbesidehim，Itookhishandandfondlypressedittomylips——forthefirsttimesinceourseparation——andtoldhimaswellastearswouldletmespeak，thatitwasnotthatthatkeptmesilent；
itwasthefearthatthissuddencessationofpainwasnotsofavourableasymptomashesupposed。aimmediatelysentforthedoctor。Wearenowanxiouslyawaitinghim：Iwilltellyouwhathesays。Thereisstillthesamefreedomfrompain——thesamedeadnesstoallsensationwherethesufferingwasmostacute。
`Myworstfearsarerealized——mortificationhascommenced。Thedoctorhastoldhimthereisnohope——nowordscandescribehisanguish——I
canwritenomore。’
Thenextwasstillmoredistressinginthetenorofitscontents。Thesuffererwasfastapproachingdissolution——raggedalmosttothevergeofthatawfulchasmhetrembledtocontemplate，fromwhichnoagonyofprayersortearscouldsavehim。Nothingcouldcomforthimnow：Hattersley’sroughattemptsatconsolationwereutterlyinvain。Theworldwasnothingtohim：lifeandallitsinterests，itspettycaresandtransientpleasureswereacruelmockery。Totalkofthepast，wastotorturehimwithvainremorse；torefertothefuture，wastoincreasehisanguish；andyettobesilent，wastoleavehimapreytohisownregretsandapprehensions。
Oftenhedweltwithshudderingminutenessonthefateofhisperishingclay——theslow，piece-mealdissolutionalreadyinvadinghisframe；theshroud，thecoffin，thedark，lonelygrave，andallthehorrorsofcorruption。
`IfItry，’saidhisafflictedwife，`todiverthimfromthesethings——toraisehisthoughtstohigherthemes，itisnobetter：——“Worseandworse！”hegroans。“Iftherebereallylifebeyondthetomb，andjudgmentafterdeath，howcanIfaceit？”——Icannotdohimanygood；hewillneitherbeenlightened，norroused，norcomfortedbyanythingIsay；andyetheclingstomewithunrelentingpertinacity——withakindofchildishdesperation，asifIcouldsavehimfromthefatehedreads。Hekeepsmenightanddaybesidehim。Heisholdingmylefthandnow，whileIwrite；hehashelditthusforhours：sometimesquietly，withhispalefaceupturnedtomine：sometimesclutchingmyarmwithviolence：——thebigdropsstartingfromhisforehead，atthethoughtsofwhathesees，orthinksheseesbeforehim。IfIwithdrawmyhandforamoment，itdistresseshim：——
`“Staywithme，Helen。”hesays；“letmeholdyouso：itseemsasifharmcouldnotreachmewhileyouarehere。Butdeathwillcometiscomingnow——fast，fast！——and——oh，ifIcouldbelievetherewasnothingafter！’
“Don’ttrytobelieveit，Arthur；thereisjoyandgloryafter，ifyouwillbuttrytoreachit！”
`“What，forme？”hesaid，withsomethinglikealaugh。
“Arewenottobejudgedaccordingtothedeedsdoneinthebody？Where’stheuseofaprobationaryexistence，ifamanmayspenditashepleases，justcontrarytoGod’sdecrees，andthengotoHeavenwiththebest——ifthevilestsinnermaywintherewardoftheholiestsaint，bymerelysaying，“Irepent？”
“Butifyousincerelyrepent——“
“Ican’trepent；Ionlyfear。”
`“Youonlyregretthepastforitsconsequencestoyourself？”
`“Justso——exceptthatI’msorrytohavewrongedyouNell，becauseyou’resogoodtome。”
`“ThinkofthegoodnessofGod，andyoucannotbutbegrievedtohaveoffendedHim。”
`“WhatisGod？——IcannotseeHimorhearHim——Godisonlyanidea。”
`“GodisInfiniteWisdom，andPower，andGoodness——andLOVE；butifthisideaistoovastforyourhumanfaculties——ifyourmindlosesitselfinitsoverwhelminginfinitude，fixitonHimwhocondescendedtotakeournatureuponHim，whowasraisedtoHeaveneveninHisglorifiedhumanbody，inwhomthefullnessofthegodheadshines。”
`Butheonlyshookhisheadandsighed。Then，inanotherparoxysmofshudderinghorror，hetightenedhisgrasponmyhandandarm，andgroaningandlamenting，stillclungtomewiththatwild，desperateearnestnesssoharrowingtomysoul，becauseIknowIcannothelphim。Ididmybesttosoothandcomforthim。
“Deathissoterrible。”hecried，“Icannotbearit！Youdon’tknow，Helen——youcan’timaginewhatitis，becauseyouhaven’titbeforeyou；andwhenI’mburied，you’llreturntoyouroldwaysandbeashappyasever，andalltheworldwillgoonjustasbusyandmerryasifIhadneverbeen；whileI
Heburstintotears。
“Youneedn’tletthatdistressyou。”Isaid；“weshallallfollowyousoonenough。”
`“IwishtoGodIcouldtakeyouwithmenow！”heexclaimed，“youshouldpleadforme。”
`“Nomancandeliverhisbrother，normakeagreementuntoGodforhim。”Ireplied：“`itcostmoretoredeemtheirsouls’——itcostthebloodofanincarnateGod，perfectandsinlessinHimself，toredeemusfromthebondageoftheevilone；——letHimpleadforyou。”
`ButIseemtospeakinvain。Hedoesnotnow，asformerly，laughtheseblessedtruthstoscorn：butstillhecannottrust，orwillnotcomprehendthem。Hecannotlingerlong。Hesuffersdreadfully，andsodothosethatwaituponhim——ButIwillnotharassyouwithfurtherdetails：Ihavesaidenough，Ithink，toconvinceyouthatIdidwelltogoto’-
Poor，poorHelen！dreadfulindeedhertrialsmusthavebeen！AndIcoulddonothingtolessenthem——nay，italmostseemedasifIhadbroughtthemuponhermyself，bymyownsecretdesires；andwhetherIlookedatherhusband’ssufferingsorherown，itseemedalmostlikeajudgmentuponmyselfforhavingcherishedsuchawish。
Thenextdaybutone，therecameanotherletter。Thattoowasputintomyhandswithoutaremark，andtheseareitscontents：——
DEC。5th。
Heisgoneatlast。Isatbesidehimallnight，withmyhandfastlockedinhis，watchingthechangesofhisfeaturesandlisteningtohisfailingbreath。Hehadbeensilentalongtime，andIthoughthewouldneverspeakagain，whenhemurmured，faintlybutdistinctly——
`Prayforme，Helen！’
`Idoprayforyou——veryhourandeveryminute，Arthur；butyoumustprayforyourself。’
Hislipsmovedbutemittednosound；——whenhislooksbecameunsettled；
and，fromtheincoherenthalf-utteredwordsthatescapedhimfromtimetotime，supposinghimtobenowunconscious，Igentlydisengagedmyhandfromhis，intendingtostealawayforabreathofair，forIwasalmostreadytofaint；butaconvulsivemovementofthefingers，andafaintlywhispered`Don’tleaveme！’immediatelyrecalledme：Itookhishandagain，andheldittillhewasnomor——andthenIfainted；itwasnotgrief；itwasexhaustionthat，tillthen，Ihadbeenenabledsuccessfullytocombat。
OhFrederick！nonecanimaginethemiseries，bodilyandmental，ofthatdeathbed！HowcouldIenduretothinkthatthatpoortremblingsoulwashurriedawaytoeverlastingtorment？itwoulddrivememad！ButthankGodIhavehope——notonlyfromavaguedependenceonthepossibilitythatpenitenceandpardonmighthavereachedhimatthelast，butfromtheblessedconfidencethat，throughwhateverpurgingfirestheerringspiritmaybedoomedtopass——whateverfateawaitsit，still，itisnotlost，andGod，whohatethnothingthatHehathmade，willblessitintheend！
HisbodywillbeconsignedonThursdaytothatdarkgravehesomuchdreaded；butthecoffinmustbeclosedassoonaspossible。Ifyouwillattendthefuneralcomequickly，forIneedhelp。
HELENHUNTINGDON。
TheTenantofWildfellHall：Chapter50CHAPTERLDOUBTSANDDISAPPOINTMENTSOnreadingthis，IhadnoreasontodisguisemyjoyandhopefromFrederickLawrence，forIhadnonetobeashamedof。Ifeltnojoybutthathissisterwasatlengthreleasedfromherafflictive，overwhelmingtoil——nohopebutthatshewouldintimerecoverfromtheeffectsofit，andbesufferedtorestinpeaceandquietness，atleast，fortheremainderofherlife。
Iexperiencedapainfulcommiserationforherunhappyhusbandthoughfullyawarethathehadbroughteveryparticleofhissufferingsuponhimself，andbuttoowelldeservedthemall，andaprofoundsympathyforherownafflictions，anddeepanxietyfortheconsequencesofthoseharassingcares，thosedreadfulvigils，thatincessantanddeleteriousconfinementbesidealivingcorps——orIwaspersuadedshehadnothintedhalfthesufferingsshehadhadtoendure。
`Youwillgotoher，Lawrence？’saidI，asIputtheletterintohishand。
`Yes，immediately。’
`That’sright！I’llleaveyou，then，toprepareforyourdeparture。’
`I’vedonethat，already，whileyouwerereadingtheletter，andbeforeyoucame；andthecarriageisnowcomingroundtothedoor。’
Inlyapprovinghispromptitude，Ibadehimgoodmorning，andwithdrew。
Hegavemeasearchingglanceaswepressedeachother’shandsatparting；
butwhateverhesoughtinmycountenance，hesawtherenothingbutthemostbecominggravity，itmightbe，mingledwithalittlesternnessinmomentaryresentmentatwhatIsuspectedtobepassinginhismind。
HadIforgottenmyownprospects，myardentlove，mypertinacioushopes？Itseemedlikesacrilegetoreverttothemnow，butIhadnotforgottenthem。Itwas，however，withagloomysenseofthedarknessofthoseprospects，thefallacyofthosehopes，andthevanityofthataffection，thatIreflectedonthosethingsasIremountedmyhorseandslowlyjourneyedhomewards。
Mrs。Huntingdonwasfreenow；itwasnolongeracrimetothinkofher——Butdidsheeverthinkofme？——notnowcourseitwasnottobeexpected——Butwouldshe，whenthisshockwasover？——Inallthecourseofhercorrespondencewithherbrotherourmutualfriend，assheherselfhadcalledhim，shehadnevermentionedmebutonce——andthatwasfromnecessity。This，alone，affordedstrongpresumptionthatIwasalreadyforgotten；yetthiswasnottheworst：itmighthavebeenhersenseofdutythathadkepthersilent，shemightbeonlytryingtoforget；