CAPTCAlready？Isn’tittoosoon？Hadn’tIbetterhaveashave？
CAPTMNo！You’reallrightAside。He’dchiphischintopieces。
CAPTCWhat’sthehurry？
CAPTMYou’vegottobetherefirst。
CAPTCTobestaredat？
CAPTMExactlyYou’repartoftheshowWhere’stheburnisher？
Yourspursareinashamefulstate。
CAPTGGruffly。Jack，Ibedamnedifyoushalldothatforme。
CAPTMMoregruffly。Dry’upandgetdressed！IfIchoosetocleanyourspurs，you’reundermyorders。
CAPTGdressesMfollowssuit。
CAPTMCritically，walkinground。M’yes，you’lldoOnlydon’tlooksolikeacriminalRing，gloves，fees-that’sallrightforme。
LetyourmoustachealoneNow，iftheponiesareready，we’llgo。
CAPTGNervously。It’smuchtoosoonLet’slightup！Let’shaveapeg！Let’s-CAPTMLet’smakeballyassesofourselves！
BELLSWithout。-
“Good-peo-ple-allToprayers-wecall。”
CAPTMTheregothebells！Comean-unlessyou’drathernot。
Theyrideoff。
BELLS-
“WehonortheKingAndBridesjoydobring-
Goodtidingswetell，AndringtheDead’sknell。”
CAPTGDismountingatthedooroftheChurch。Isay，aren’twemuchtoosoon？TherearenoendofpeopleinsideIsay，aren’twemuchtoolate？Stickbyme，Jack！WhatthedevildoIdo？
CAPTMStrikeanattitudeatthebeadoftheaisleandwaitforHerGgroansasMwheelshimintopositionhe/orethreehundredeyes。
CAPTMImploringly。Gaddy，ifyouloveme，forpity’ssake，fortheHonoroftheRegiment，standup！Chuckyourselfintoyouruniform！Looklikeaman！I’vegottospeaktothePadreaminute。
GbreaksintoagentlePerspiration。yourfaceI’llnevermanagainStandup！visibly。IfyouwipeyourfaceI’llneverbeyourbestmanagainStandup！GTremblesvisibly。
CAPTMReturning。She’scommgnowLookoutwhenthemusicstartsThere’stheorganbeginningtoclack。
Bridestepsoutof’rickshawatChurchdoorGcatchesaglimpseo/herandtakesheart。
ORGAN-
“TheVoicethatbreathedo’erEden，Thatearliestmarriageday，Theprimalmarriage-blessing，Ithathnotpassedaway。”
CAPTMWatchingG。ByJove！Heislookingwell’Didn’tthinkhehaditinhim。
CAPTGHowlongdoesthishymngoonfor？
CAPTMItwillbeoverdirectlyAnsiously。BeginningtovleachandgulpHoldon，Gabby，andthinko’theRegiment。
CAPTGMeasuredly。Isaythere’sabigbrownlizardcrawlingupthatwall。
CAPTMMySaintedMother！Thelaststageofcollapse！
BridecomesUptoleftofaltar，liftshereyesoncetoG。，whoissuddenlysmittenmad。
CAPTGTOhimselfagainandagain。LittleFeatherweight’sawoman-awoman！AndIthoughtshewasalittlegirl。
CAPTMInawhisper。Formthehalt-inwardwheel。
CAPTGobeysmechanicallyandtheceremonyproceeds。
PADREonlyuntoherasyebothshalllive？
CAPTGHisthroatuseless。Ha-hmmm！
CAPTMSayyouwilloryouwon’tThere’snoseconddealhere。
Bridegivesresponsewithperfectcoomess，andisgivenawaybythefather。
CAPTGThinkingtoshowhislearning。Jackgivemeawaynow，quick！
CAPTMYou’vegivenyourselfawayquiteenoughHerrighthand，man！Repeat！Repeat！“TheodorePhilip。”Haveyouforgottenyourownname？
CAPTGstumblesthroughAffirmation，whichBriderepeatswithoutatremor。
CAPTMNowthering！FollowthePadre！Don’tpulloffmyglove！Hereitis！GreatCupid，he’sfoundhisvoice。
CAPTGrepeatsTrothinavoicetobeheardtotheendoftheChurchandturnsonhisheel。
CAPTMDesperately。Reinback！Backtoyourtroop！’Tisn’thalflegalyet。
PAnREjoinedtogetherletnomanputasunder。
CAPTGparalyzedwithfearjibsafterBlessing。
CAPTMQuickly。Onyourownfront-onelengthTakeherwithyouIdon’tcomeYou’venothingtosayCAPTGjinglesuptoaltar。
CAPTMInapiercingrattlemeanttobeawhisper。Kneel，youstiff-neckedruffian！Kneel！
PADREwhosedaughtersareyesolongasyedowellandarenotafraidwithanyamazement。
CAPTMDismiss！Breakoff！Leftwheel！
AlltrooptovestryTheysign。
CAPTMKissHer，Gaddy。
CAPTGRubbingtheinkintohisglove。Eh！Wha-at？
CAPTMTakingonepacetoBride。Ifyoudon’t，Ishall。
CAPTGInterposinganarm。Notthisjourney！
Generalkissing，inwhichCAPTGispursuedbyunknownfemale。
CAPTGFaintlytoM。ThisisHades！CanIwipemyfacenow？
CAPTMMyresponsibilityhasendedBetteraskMissesGADSAY。
CAPTGwincesasthoughshotandprocessionisMendelssohnedoutofChurchtohouse，whereusualtorturestakeplaceoverthewedding-cake。
CAPTMAttable。Upwithyou，GaddyTheyexpectaspeech。
CAPTGAfterthreeminutes’agony。Ha-hmmmThundersOfapplause。
CAPTMDoocidgood，forafirstattemptNowgoandchangeyourkitwhileMammaisweepingover_“theMissus。”CAPTG。
disappearsCAPTMstartsuptearinghishair。It’snothalflegal。
Wherearetheshoes？Getanayah。
AVAHMissieCaptainSahibdonegonebandkaroallthejutis。
CAPTMBrandishingscablardedsword。Woman，producethoseshoesSomeonelendmeabread-knifeWemustn’tcrackGaddy’sheadmorethanitisSlicesheeloffwhitesatinslipperandputsslipperuphissleeve。
WhereistheBride？Tothecompanyatlarge。BetenderwiththatriceIt’saheathencustomGivemethebigbag。
*
Brideslipsoutquietlyinto’rickshawanddepartstowardthesun-set。
CAPTMIntheopen。Stoleaway，byJove！SomuchtheworseforGaddy！HereheisNowGaddy，this’llbelivelierthanAmdberan！Where’syourhorse？
CAPTGFuriously，seeingthatthewomenareoutofanearshot。
Wherethe-ismyWife？
CAPTMHalf-waytoMahasubythistimeYou’llhavetoridelikeYoungLochinvar。
Horsecomesroundonhishindlegs；refusestoletGhandlehim。
CAPTGOhyouwill，willyou？Get’round，youbrute-youhog-youbeast！Getround！
Wrencheshorse’sheadover，nearlybreakinglowerjaw：swingshimselfintosaddle，andsendshomebothspursinthemidstofaspatteringgaleofBestPatna。
CAPTMForyourlifeandyourlove-ride，Gaddy-AndGodblessyou！
ThrowshalfapoundofriceatGwhodisappears，bowedforwardonthesaddle，inacloudofsun-litdust。
CAPTMI’velostoldGaddyLightscigaretteandstrollsoff，singingabsently：-
“Youmaycarveitonhistombstone，youmaycutitonhiscard，Thatayoungmanmarriedisayoungmanmarred！”
MissDEERCOURTFromherhorse。Really，CaptainMafflin！
Youaremoreplainspokenthanpolite！
CAPTMAside。Theysaymarriageislikecholera’Wonderwho’llbethenextvictim。
WhitesatinslipperslidesfromhissleeveandfallsathisfeetLeftwondering。
THEGARDENOFEDEN
Andyeshallbeas-Gods！
SCENE-Thymygrass-plotatbackoft！’eMahasudak-bungalow，overlookinglittlewoodedvalleyOntheleft，glimpseoftheDeadForestofFagoo；ontheright，SimlaHillsInbackground，lineoftheSnowsCAPTAINGADSBY，nowthreeweeksahusband，issmokingthepipeofpeaceonaruginthesunshineBanjoandtobacco-pouchonrugOverheadtheFagooeaglesMRSGcomesoutofbungalow。
MRSGMyhusband！CAPTGLazily，withintenseenjoyment。
Eb，wha-at？Saythatagain。
MRSGI’vewrittentoMammaandtoldherthatweshallbebackonthe17th。
CAPTGDidyougivehermylove？
MRSGNo，IkeptallthatformyselfSittingdownbyhisside。
Ithoughtyouwouldn’tmind。
CAPTGWithmocksternness。Iobjectawf’lyHowdidyouknowthatitwasyourstokeep？
MRSGIguessed，Phil。
CAPTGRapturously。Lit-tleFeatherweight！
MRSGIwon’tbecalledthosesportingpetnames，badboy。
CAPTGYou’llbecalledanythingIchooseHasiteveroccurredtoyou，Madam，thatyouaremyWife？
MRSGIthasIhaven’tceasedwonderingatityet。
CAPTGNorIItseemssostrange；andyet，somehow，itdoesn’t。
Confidently。Yousee，itcouldhavebeennooneelse。
MRSGSoftly。NoNooneelse-formeorforyouItmusthavebeenallarrangedfromthebeginningPhil，tellmeagainwhatmadeyoucareforme。
CAPTGHowcouldIhelpit？Youwereyou，youknow。
MRSGDidyoueverwanttohelpit？Speakthetruth！
CAPTGAtwinkleinhiseye。Idid，darling，justatthefirst。
RutonlyattheveryfirstChuckles。Icalledyou-stooplowandI’llwhisper-“alittlebeast。”Ho！Ho！Ho！
MRSGTakinghimbythemous’acheandmakinghimsitup。
“A-little-beast！”Stoplaughingoveryourcrime！Andyetyouhadthe-the-awfulcheektoproposetome！
CAPTCI’dchangedmymindthenAndyouweren’talittlebeastanymore。
MRSGThankyou，sir！AndwhenwasIever？
CAPTGNever！Butthatfirstday，whenyougavemeteainthatpeach-coloredmuslingownthing，youlooked-youdidindeed，dear-suchanabsurdlittlemiteAndIdidn’tknowwhattosaytoyou。
MRSGTwistingmoustache。Soyousaid“littlebeast。”Uponmyword，Sir！Icalledyoua“Crrrreature。”butIwishnowIhadcalledyousomethingworse。
CAPTGVerymeekly。Iapologize，butyou’rehurtingmeawf’ly。
Interlude。You’rewelcometotorturemeagainonthoseterms。
MRSGOh，whydidyouletmedoit？
CAPTGLookingacrossvalley。Noreasoninparticular，but-ifitamusedyouordidyouanygood-youmight-wipethosedearlittlebootsofyoursonme。
MRSGStretchingoutherhands。Don’t！Oh，don’t！Philip，myKing，pleasedon’ttalklikethatIt’showIfeelYou’resomuchtoogoodformeSomuchtoogood！
CAPTGMe！I’mnotfittoputmyarmaroundyouPutsitround。
MRSCYes，youareButI-whathaveIeverdone？
CAPTGGivenmeaweebitofyourheart，haven’tyou，myQueen！
MRSGThat’snothingAnyonewoulddothatTheycou-couldn’thelpit。
CAPTGPussy，you’llmakemehorriblyconceitedJustwhenI
wasbeginningtofeelsohumble，too。
MRSGHumble！Idon’tbelieveit’sinyourcharacter。
CAPTGWhatdoyouknowofmycharacter，Impertinence？
MRSGAh，butIshall，shan’tI，Phil？Ishallhavetimeinalltheyearsandyearstocome，toknoweverythingaboutyou；andtherewillbenosecretsbetweenus。
CAPTGLittlewitch！Ibelieveyouknowmethoroughlyalready。
MRSGIthinkIcanguessYou’reselfish？
CAPTGYes。
MRSGFoolish？
CAPTGVery。
MRSGAndadear？
CAPTGThatisasmyladypleases。
MRSGThenyourladyispleasedApause。D’youknowthatwe’retwosolemn，serious，grown-uppeople-CAPTGTiltingherstrawhatoverhereyes。Yougrown-up！Pooh！You’reababy。
MRSGAndwe’retalkingnonsense。
CAPTGThenlet’sgoontalkingnonsenseIratherlikeitPussy，I’lltellyouasecretPromisenottorepeat？
MRSGYe-esOnlytoyou。
CAPTGIloveyou。
MRSGRe-ally！Forhowlong？