Thenwebroughtthelancesdown，thenthebuglesblew，WhenwewenttoKandahar，ridin’twoan’two，Ridin’，ridin’，ridin’，twoan’two，Ta-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra，AllthewaytoKandahar，ridin’twoan’two——
Barrack-RoomBallad。
’I’MNOTangrywiththeBritishpublic，butIwishwehadafewthousandofthemscatteredamongtheserooksTheywouldn’tbeinsuchahurrytogetattheirmorningpapersthenCan’tyouimaginetheregulationhouseholder——LoverofJustice，ConstantReader，Paterfamilias，andallthatlot——frizzlingonhotgravel？’
’Withablueveiloverhishead，andhisclothesinstripsHasanymanhereaneedle？I’vegotapieceofsugar-sack。’
’I’lllendyouapacking-needleforsixsquareinchesofitthenBothmykneesarewornthrough。’
’Whynotsixsquareacres，whileyou’reaboutit？Butlendmetheneedle，andI’llseewhatIcandowiththeselvageIdon’tthinkthere’senoughtoprotectmyroyalbodyfromthecoldblastasitisWhatareyoudoingwiththateverlastingsketch-bookofyours，Dick？’
’StudyofourSpecialCorrespondentrepairinghiswardrobe，’saidDick，gravely，astheothermankickedoffapairofsorelywornriding-breechesandbegantofitasquareofcoarsecanvasoverthemostobviousopenspaceHegrunteddisconsolatelyasthevastnessofthevoiddevelopeditself。
’Sugar-bags，indeed！Hi！youpilotmanthere！lendmeallthesailsforthatwhale-boat。’
Afez-crownedheadbobbedupinthestern-sheets，divideditselfintoexacthalveswithoneflashinggrin，andbobbeddownagainThemanofthetatteredbreeches，cladonlyinaNorfolkjacketandagrayflannelshirt，wentonwithhisclumsysewing，whileDickchuckledoverthesketch。
Sometwentywhale-boatswerenuzzlingasand-bankwhichwasdottedwithEnglishsoldieryofhalfadozencorps，bathingorwashingtheirclothesAheapofboat-rollers，commissariat-boxes，sugar-bags，andflour-andsmall-arm-ammunition-casesshowedwhereoneofthewhale-boatshadbeencompelledtounloadhastily；andaregimentalcarpenterwasswearingaloudashetried，onawhollyinsufficientallowanceofwhitelead，toplasterupthesun-parchedgapingseamsoftheboatherself。
’Firstthebloomin’ruddersnaps，’saidhetotheworldingeneral；
’thenthemastgoes；an’then，s’’helpme，whenshecan’tdonothin’else，sheopens’erselfoutlikeacock-eyesChineselotus。’
’Exactlythecasewithmybreeches，whoeveryouare，’saidthetailor，withoutlookingup’Dick，IwonderwhenIshallseeadecentshopagain。’
Therewasnoanswer，savetheincessantangrymurmuroftheNileasitracedroundabasalt-walledbendandfoamedacrossarock-ridgehalfamileupstreamItwasasthoughthebrownweightoftheriverwoulddrivethewhitemenbacktotheirowncountryTheindescribablescentofNilemudintheairtoldthatthestreamwasfallingandthenextfewmileswouldbenolightthingforthewhale-boatstooverpassThedesertrandownalmosttothebanks，where，amonggray，red，andblackhillocks，acamel-corpswasencampedNomandaredevenforadaylosetouchoftheslow-movingboats；therehadbeennofightingforweekspast，andthroughoutallthattimetheNilehadneversparedthem。
Rapidhadfollowedrapid，rockrock，andisland-groupisland-group，tilltherankandfilehadlongsincelostallcountofdirectionandverynearlyoftimeTheyweremovingsomewhere，theydidnotknowwhy，todosomething，theydidnotknowwhatBeforethemlaytheNile，andattheotherendofitwasoneGordon，fightingforthedearlife，inatowncalledKhartoumTherewerecolumnsofBritishtroopsinthedesert，orinoneofthemanydeserts；therewereyetmorecolumnswaitingtoembarkontheriver；therewerefreshdraftswaitingatAssiootandAssuan；
therewereliesandrumoursrunningoverthefaceofthehopelesslandfromSuakintotheSixthCataract，andmensupposedgenerallythattheremustbesomeoneinauthoritytodirectthegeneralschemeofthemanymovementsThedutyofthatparticularriver-columnwastokeepthewhale-boatsafloatinthewater，toavoidtramplingonthevillagers’
cropswhenthegangs’tracked’theboatswithlinesthrownfrommidstream，togetasmuchsleepandfoodaswaspossible，and，aboveall，topressonwithoutdelayintheteethofthechurningNile。
Withthesoldierssweatedandtoiledthecorrespondentsofthenewspapers，andtheywerealmostasignorantastheircompanions。
ButitwasaboveallthingsnecessarythatEnglandatbreakfastshouldbeamusedandthrilledandinterested，whetherGordonlivedordied，orhalftheBritisharmywenttopiecesinthesandsTheSoudancampaignwasapicturesqueone，andlentitselftovividword-paintingNowandagaina’Special’managedtogetslain，——whichwasnotaltogetheradisadvantagetothepaperthatemployedhim，——andmoreoftenthehand-to-handnatureofthefightingallowedofmiraculousescapeswhichwereworthtelegraphinghomeateighteenpencethewordThereweremanycorrespondentswithmanycorpsandcolumns，——fromtheveteranswhohadfollowedontheheelsofthecavalrythatoccupiedCairoin’82，whattimeArabiPashacalledhimselfking，whohadseenthefirstmiserableworkroundSuakinwhenthesentrieswerecutupnightlyandthescrubswarmedwithspears，toyoungstersjerkedintothebusinessattheendofatelegraph-wiretotaketheplacesoftheirbetterskilledorinvalided。
Amongtheseniors——thosewhokneweveryshiftandchangeintheperplexingpostalarrangements，thevalueoftheseediest，weediestEgyptiangarronofferedforsaleinCairoorAlexandria，whocouldtalkatelegraph-clerkintoamiabilityandsoothetheruffledvanityofanewlyappointedstaff-officerwhenpressregulationsbecameburdensome——wasthemanintheflannelshirt，theblack-browedTorpenhowHerepresentedtheCentralSouthernSyndicateinthecampaign，ashehadrepresenteditintheEgyptianwar，andelsewhereThesyndicatedidnotconcernitselfgreatlywithcriticismsofattackandthelikeItsuppliedthemasses，andallitdemandedwaspicturesquenessandabundanceofdetail；forthereismorejoyinEnglandoverasoldierwhoinsubordinatelystepsoutofsquaretorescueacomradethanovertwentygeneralsslavingeventobaldnessatthegrossdetailsoftransportandcommissariat。
HehadmetatSuakinayoungman，sittingontheedgeofarecentlyabandonedredoubtaboutthesizeofahat-box，sketchingaclumpofshell-tornbodiesonthegravelplain。
’Whatareyoufor？’saidTorpenhowThegreetingofthecorrespondentisthatofthecommercialtravellerontheroad。
’Myownhand，’saidtheyoungman，withoutlookingup’Haveyouanytobacco？’
Torpenhowwaitedtillthesketchwasfinished，andwhenhehadlookedatitsaid，’What’syourbusinesshere？’
’Nothing；therewasarow，soIcameI’msupposedtobedoingsomethingdownatthepainting-slipsamongtheboats，orelseI’minchargeofthecondenserononeofthewater-shipsI’veforgottenwhich。’
’You’vecheekenoughtobuildaredoubtwith，’saidTorpenhow，andtookstockofthenewacquaintance’Doyoualwaysdrawlikethat？’
Theyoungmanproducedmoresketches’RowonaChinesepig-boat，’
saidhe，sententiously，showingthemoneafteranother——’Chiefmatedirkedbyacomprador——JunkashoreoffHakodate——Somalimuleteerbeingflogged——Star-shelledburstingovercampatBerbera——Slave-dhowbeingchasedroundTajurrahBah——SoldierlyingdeadinthemoonlightoutsideSuakin——throatcutbyFuzzies。’
’H’m！’saidTorpenhow，’can’tsayIcareforVerestchagin-and-watermyself，butthere’snoaccountingfortastesDoinganythingnow，areyou？’
’NoI’mamusingmyselfhere。’
Torpenhowlookedatthesketchesagain，andnodded’Yes，you’rerighttotakeyourfirstchancewhenyoucangetit。’
HerodeawayswiftlythroughtheGateoftheTwoWar-Ships，rattledacrossthecausewayintothetown，andwiredtohissyndicate，’Gotmanhere，picture-workGoodandcheapShallIarrange？Willdoletterpresswithsketches。’
Themanontheredoubtsatswinginghislegsandmurmuring，’I
knewthechancewouldcome，soonerorlaterByGad，they’llhavetosweatforitifIcomethroughthisbusinessalive！’
IntheeveningTorpenhowwasabletoannouncetohisfriendthattheCentralSouthernAgencywaswillingtotakehimontrial，payingexpensesforthreemonths’And，bytheway，what’syourname？’
saidTorpenhow。
’HeldarDotheygivemeafreehand？’
’They’vetakenyouonchanceYoumustjustifythechoiceYou’dbettersticktomeI’mgoingup-countrywithacolumn，andI’lldowhatI
canforyouGivemesomeofyoursketchestakenhere，andI’llsend’emalong。’Tohimselfhesaid，’That’sthebestbargaintheCentralsouthernhasevermade；andtheygotmecheaplyenough。’
Soitcametopassthat，aftersomepurchaseofhorse-fleshandarrangementsfinancialandpolitical，DickwasmadefreeoftheNewandHonourableFraternityofwarcorrespondents，whoallpossesstheinalienablerightofdoingasmuchworkastheycanandgettingasmuchforitasProvidenceandtheirownersshallpleaseTothesethingsareaddedintime，ifthebrotherbeworthy，thepowerofglibspeechthatneithermannorwomancanresistwhenamealorabedisinquestion，theeyeofahorse-cope，theskillofacook，theconstitutionofabullock，thedigestionofanostrich，andaninfiniteadaptabilitytoallcircumstancesButmanydiebeforetheyattaintothisdegree，andthepast-mastersinthecraftappearforthemostpartindress-clotheswhentheyareinEngland，andthustheirgloryishiddenfromthemultitude。
DickfollowedTorpenhowwhereverthelatter’sfancychosetoleadhim，andbetweenthetwotheymanagedtoaccomplishsomeworkthatalmostsatisfiedthemselvesItwasnotaneasylifeinanyway，andunderitsinfluencethetwoweredrawnvercloselytogether，fortheyatefromthesamedish，theysharedthesamewater-bottle，and，mostbindingtieofall，theirmailswentofftogetherItwasDickwhomanagedtomakegloriouslydrunkatelegraph-clerkinapalmhutfarbeyondtheSecondCataract，and，whilethemanlayinblissonthefloor，possessedhimselfofsomelaboriouslyacquiredexclusiveinformation，forwardedbyaconfidingcorrespondentofanoppositionsyndicate，madeacarefulduplicateofthematter，andbroughttheresulttoTorpenhow，whosaidthatallwasfairinloveorwarcorrespondence，andbuiltanexcellentdescriptivearticlefromhisrival’sriotouswasteofwordsItwasTorpenhowwho——butthetaleoftheiradventures，togetherandapart，fromPhilaetothewastewildernessofHerawiandMuella，wouldfillmanybooksTheyhadbeenpennedintoasquaresidebyside，indeadlyfearofbeingshotbyover-excitedsoldiers；theyhadfoughtwithbaggage-camelsinthechilldawn；theyhadjoggedalonginsilenceunderblindingsunonindefatigablelittleEgyptianhorses；andtheyhadflounderedontheshallowsoftheNilewhenthewhale-boatinwhichtheyhadfoundaberthchosetohitahiddenrockandripouthalfherbottom-planks。
Nowtheyweresittingonthesand-bank，andthewhale-boatswerebringinguptheremainderofthecolumn。
’Yes，’saidTorpenhow，asheputthelastrudestitchesintohisover-long-neglectedgear，’ithasbeenabeautifulbusiness。’
’Thepatchorthecampaign？’saidDick’Don’tthinkmuchofeither，myself。’
’YouwanttheEuryalusbroughtupabovetheThirdCataract，don’tyou？
andeighty-one-tongunsatJakdul？Now，I’mquitesatisfiedwithmybreeches。’Heturnedroundgravelytoexhibithimself，afterthemannerofaclown。
’It’sveryprettySpeciallytheletteringonthesackG。B。T。
GovernmentBullockTrainThat’sasackfromIndia。’
’It’smyinitials，——GilbertBellingTorpenhowIstoletheclothonpurpose。
Whatthemischiefarethecamel-corpsdoingyonder？’Torpenhowshadedhiseyesandlookedacrossthescrub-strewngravel。
Abugleblewfuriously，andthemenonthebankhurriedtotheirarmsandaccoutrements。