TheColonelhadaWaterburywatchalso，andforguard，thelip-
strapofacurb-chainLip-strapsmakethebestwatchguards。
TheyarestrongandshortBetweenalip-strapandanordinaryleatherguardthereisnogreatdifference；betweenoneWaterburywatchandanotherthereisnoneatallEveryoneinthestationknewtheColonel’slip-strapHewasnotahorseyman，buthelikedpeopletobelievehehadbeenononce；andhewovefantasticstoriesofthehunting-bridletowhichthisparticularlip-straphadbelongedOtherwisehewaspainfullyreligious。
PlatteandtheColonelweredressingattheClub——bothlatefortheirengagements，andbothinahurryThatwasKismetThetwowatcheswereonashelfbelowthelooking-glass——guardshangingdownThatwascarelessnessPlattechangedfirst，snatchedawatch，lookedintheglass，settledhistie，andranFortysecondslater，theColoneldidexactlythesamething；eachmantakingtheother’swatch。
YoumayhavenoticedthatmanyreligiouspeoplearedeeplysuspiciousTheyseem——forpurelyreligiouspurposes，ofcourse——
toknowmoreaboutiniquitythantheUnregeneratePerhapstheywerespeciallybadbeforetheybecameconverted！Atanyrate，intheimputationofthingsevil，andinputtingtheworstconstructiononthingsinnocent，acertaintypeofgoodpeoplemaybetrustedtosurpassallothersTheColonelandhisWifewereofthattypeButtheColonel’sWifewastheworstShemanufacturedtheStationscandal，and——TALKEDTOHERAYAH！NothingmoreneedbesaidTheColonel’sWifebrokeuptheLaplace’shomeTheColonel’sWifestoppedtheFerris-HaughtreyengagementTheColonel’sWifeinducedyoungBuxtontokeephiswifedowninthePlainsthroughthefirstyearofthemarriageWherebylittleMrs。
Buxtondied，andthebabywithherThesethingswillberememberedagainsttheColonel’sWifesolongasthereisaregimentinthecountry。
ButtocomebacktotheColonelandPlatteTheywenttheirseveralwaysfromthedressing-roomTheColoneldinedwithtwoChaplains，whilePlattewenttoabachelor-party，andwhisttofollow。
Markhowthingshappen！IfPlatte’ssaishadputthenewsaddle-
padonthemare，thebuttsoftheterritswouldnothaveworkedthroughthewornleather，andtheoldpadintothemare’swithers，whenshewascominghomeattwoo’clockinthemorningShewouldnothavereared，bolted，fallenintoaditch，upsetthecart，andsentPlatteflyingoveranaloe-hedgeontoMrsLarkyn’swell-keptlawn；andthistalewouldneverhavebeenwrittenButthemaredidallthesethings，andwhilePlattewasrollingoverandoverontheturf，likeashotrabbit，thewatchandguardflewfromhiswaistcoat——asanInfantryMajor’sswordhopsoutofthescabbardwhentheyarefiringafeudejoie——androlledandrolledinthemoonlight，tillitstoppedunderawindow。
Plattestuffedhishandkerchiefunderthepad，putthecartstraight，andwenthome。
MarkagainhowKismetworks！ThiswouldnothappenonceinahundredyearsTowardstheendofhisdinnerwiththetwoChaplains，theColonelletouthiswaistcoatandleanedoverthetabletolookatsomeMissionReportsThebarofthewatch-guardworkedthroughthebuttonhole，andthewatch——Platte’swatch——slidquietlyontothecarpetWherethebearerfounditnextmorningandkeptit。
ThentheColonelwenthometothewifeofhisbosom；butthedriverofthecarriagewasdrunkandlosthiswaySotheColonelreturnedatanunseemlyhourandhisexcuseswerenotaccepted。
IftheColonel’sWifehadbeenanordinary“vesselofwrathappointedfordestruction。”shewouldhaveknownthatwhenamanstaysawayonpurpose，hisexcuseisalwayssoundandoriginalTheverybaldnessoftheColonel’sexplanationproveditstruth。
SeeoncemoretheworkingsofKismet！TheColonel’swatchwhichcamewithPlattehurriedlyontoMrsLarkyn’slawn，chosetostopjustunderMrsLarkyn’swindow，whereshesawitearlyinthemorning，recognizedit，andpickeditupShehadheardthecrashofPlatte’scartattwoo’clockthatmorning，andhisvoicecallingthemarenamesSheknewPlatteandlikedhimThatdaysheshowedhimthewatchandheardhisstoryHeputhisheadononeside，winkedandsaid：——“Howdisgusting！Shockingoldman！withhisreligioustraining，too！IshouldsendthewatchtotheColonel’sWifeandaskforexplanations。”
MrsLarkynthoughtforaminuteoftheLaplaces——whomshehadknownwhenLaplaceandhiswifebelievedineachother——andanswered：——“IwillsenditIthinkitwilldohergoodButremember，wemustNEVERtellherthetruth。”
PlatteguessedthathisownwatchwasintheColonel’spossession，andthoughtthatthereturnofthelip-strappedWaterburywithasoothingnotefromMrsLarkyn，wouldmerelycreateasmalltroubleforafewminutesMrsLarkynknewbetterSheknewthatanypoisondroppedwouldfindgoodholding-groundintheheartoftheColonel’sWife。
Thepacket，andanotecontainingafewremarksontheColonel’scalling-hours，weresentovertotheColonel’sWife，whoweptinherownroomandtookcounselwithherself。
IftherewasonewomanunderHeavenwhomtheColonel’sWifehatedwithholyfervor，itwasMrsLarkynMrsLarkynwasafrivolouslady，andcalledtheColonel’sWife“oldcat。”TheColonel’sWifesaidthatsomebodyinRevelationswasremarkablylikeMrs。
Larkyn。
ShementionedotherScripturepeopleaswellFromtheOldTestament[ButtheColonel’sWifewastheonlypersonwhocaredordaredtosayanythingagainstMrsLarkynEveryoneelseacceptedherasanamusing，honestlittlebody。]Wherefore，tobelievethatherhusbandhadbeensheddingwatchesunderthat“Thing’s“windowatungodlyhours，coupledwiththefactofhislatearrivalonthepreviousnight，was。
AtthispointsheroseupandsoughtherhusbandHedeniedeverythingexcepttheownershipofthewatchShebesoughthim，forhisSoul’ssake，tospeakthetruthHedeniedafresh，withtwobadwordsThenastonysilenceheldtheColonel’sWife，whileamancoulddrawhisbreathfivetimes。
ThespeechthatfollowedisnoaffairofmineoryoursItwasmadeupofwifelyandwomanlyjealousy；knowledgeofoldageandsunkencheeks；deepmistrustbornofthetextthatsaysevenlittlebabies’heartsareasbadastheymakethem；rancoroushatredofMrsLarkyn，andthetenetsofthecreedoftheColonel’sWife’supbringing。
Overandaboveall，wasthedamninglip-strappedWaterbury，tickingawayinthepalmofhershaking，witheredhandAtthathour，I
think，theColonel’sWiferealizedalittleoftherestlesssuspicionsshehadinjectedintooldLaplace’smind，alittleofpoorMissHaughtrey’smisery，andsomeofthecankerthatateintoBuxton’sheartashewatchedhiswifedyingbeforehiseyesTheColonelstammeredandtriedtoexplainThenherememberedthathiswatchhaddisappeared；andthemysterygrewgreaterTheColonel’sWifetalkedandprayedbyturnstillshewastired，andwentawaytodevisemeansfor“chasteningthestubbornheartofherhusband。”Whichtranslated，means，inourslang，“tail-twisting。”
Yousee，beingdeeplyimpressedwiththedoctrineofOriginalSin，shecouldnotbelieveinthefaceofappearancesSheknewtoomuch，andjumpedtothewildestconclusions。
ButitwasgoodforherItspoiltherlife，asshehadspoiltthelifeoftheLaplacesShehadlostherfaithintheColonel，and——
herethecreed-suspicioncamein——hemight，sheargued，haveerredmanytimes，beforeamercifulProvidence，atthehandsofsounworthyaninstrumentasMrsLarkyn，hadestablishedhisguilt。
Hewasabad，wicked，gray-hairedprofligateThismaysoundtoosuddenarevulsionforalong-weddedwife；butitisavenerablefactthat，ifamanorwomanmakesapracticeof，andtakesadelightin，believingandspreadingevilofpeopleindifferenttohimorher，heorshewillendinbelievingeviloffolkverynearanddearYoumaythink，also，thatthemereincidentofthewatchwastoosmallandtrivialtoraisethismisunderstandingItisanotheragedfactthat，inlifeaswellasracing，alltheworstaccidentshappenatlittleditchesandcut-downfencesInthesameway，yousometimesseeawomanwhowouldhavemadeaJoanofArcinanothercenturyandclimate，threshingherselftopiecesoverallthemeanworryofhousekeepingButthatisanotherstory。
HerbeliefonlymadetheColonel’sWifemorewretched，becauseitinsistedsostronglyonthevillainyofmenRememberingwhatshehaddone，itwaspleasanttowatchherunhappiness，andthepenny-
farthingattemptsshemadetohideitfromtheStationButtheStationknewandlaughedheartlessly；fortheyhadheardthestoryofthewatch，withmuchdramaticgesture，fromMrsLarkyn’slips。
OnceortwicePlattesaidtoMrsLarkyn，seeingthattheColonelhadnotclearedhimself：——“ThisthinghasgonefarenoughImovewetelltheColonel’sWifehowithappened。”MrsLarkynshutherlipsandshookherhead，andvowedthattheColonel’sWifemustbearherpunishmentasbestshecouldNowMrsLarkynwasafrivolouswoman，inwhomnonewouldhavesuspecteddeephate。
SoPlattetooknoaction，andcametobelievegradually，fromtheColonel’ssilence，thattheColonelmusthave“runofftheline“
somewherethatnight，and，therefore，preferredtostandsentenceonthelessercountoframblingintootherpeople’scompoundsoutofcallinghoursPlatteforgotaboutthewatchbusinessafterawhile，andmoveddown-countrywithhisregimentMrsLarkynwenthomewhenherhusband’stourofIndianserviceexpiredSheneverforgot。
ButPlattewasquiterightwhenhesaidthatthejokehadgonetoofarThemistrustandthetragedyofit——whichweoutsiderscannotseeanddonotbelievein——arekillingtheColonel’sWife，andaremakingtheColonelwretchedIfeitherofthemreadthisstory，theycandependuponitsbeingafairlytrueaccountofthecase，andcan“kissandmakefriends。”
ShakespearealludestothepleasureofwatchinganEngineerbeingshelledbyhisownBatteryNowthisshowsthatpoetsshouldnotwriteaboutwhattheydonotunderstandAnyonecouldhavetoldhimthatSappersandGunnersareperfectlydifferentbranchesoftheServiceBut，ifyoucorrectthesentence，andsubstituteGunnerforSapper，themoralcomesjustthesame。
THEOTHERMAN。
Whentheearthwassickandtheskiesweregray，Andthewoodswererottedwithrain，TheDeadManrodethroughtheautumndayTovisithisloveagain。
OldBallad。
Farbackinthe“seventies。”beforetheyhadbuiltanyPublicOfficesatSimla，andthebroadroadroundJakkolivedinapigeon-
holeinthePWDhovels，herparentsmadeMissGaureymarryColonelSchriederlingHecouldnothavebeenMUCHmorethanthirty-fiveyearshersenior；and，ashelivedontwohundredrupeesamonthandhadmoneyofhisown，hewaswelloffHebelongedtogoodpeople，andsufferedinthecoldweatherfromlungcomplaintsInthehotweatherhedangledonthebrinkofheat-
apoplexy；butitneverquitekilledhim。
Understand，IdonotblameSchriederlingHewasagoodhusbandaccordingtohislights，andhistemperonlyfailedhimwhenhewasbeingnursedWhichwassomeseventeendaysineachmonthHewasalmostgeneroustohiswifeaboutmoneymatters，andthat，forhim，wasaconcessionStillMrsSchreiderlingwasnothappyTheymarriedherwhenshewasthissideoftwentyandhadgivenallherpoorlittlehearttoanothermanIhaveforgottenhisname，butwewillcallhimtheOtherManHehadnomoneyandnoprospects。
Hewasnotevengood-looking；andIthinkhewasintheCommissariatorTransportBut，inspiteofallthesethings，shelovedhimverymadly；andtherewassomesortofanengagementbetweenthetwowhenSchreiderlingappearedandtoldMrs。
GaureythathewishedtomarryherdaughterThentheotherengagementwasbrokenoff——washedawaybyMrsGaurey’stears，forthatladygovernedherhousebyweepingoverdisobediencetoherauthorityandthelackofreverenceshereceivedinheroldageThedaughterdidnottakeafterhermotherShenevercriedNotevenatthewedding。
TheOtherManborehislossquietly，andwastransferredtoasbadastationashecouldfindPerhapstheclimateconsoledhimHesufferedfromintermittentfever，andthatmayhavedistractedhimfromhisothertroubleHewasweakabouttheheartalsoBothwaysOneofthevalveswasaffected，andthefevermadeitworse。
Thisshoweditselflateron。
Thenmanymonthspassed，andMrsSchreiderlingtooktobeingill。
Shedidnotpineawaylikepeopleinstorybooks，butsheseemedtopickupeveryformofillnessthatwentaboutastation，fromsimplefeverupwardsShewasnevermorethanordinarilyprettyatthebestoftimes；andtheillnessmadeheruglySchreiderlingsaidsoHepridedhimselfonspeakinghismind。
Whensheceasedbeingpretty，helefthertoherowndevices，andwentbacktothelairsofhisbachelordomSheusedtotrotupanddownSimlaMallinaforlornsortofway，withagrayTeraihatwellonthebackofherhead，andashockingbadsaddleunderher。