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THEDEVILINTHEBELFRY
Whato’clockisit？_OldSaying_。
EVERYBODYknows，inageneralway，thatthefinestplaceintheworldisor，alas，wastheDutchboroughofVondervotteimittiss。Yetasitliessomedistancefromanyofthemainroads，beinginasomewhatout-of-the-waysituation，thereareperhapsveryfewofmyreaderswhohaveeverpaiditavisit。Forthebenefitofthosewhohavenot，therefore，itwillbeonlyproperthatIshouldenterintosomeaccountofit。Andthisisindeedthemorenecessary，aswiththehopeofenlistingpublicsympathyinbehalfoftheinhabitants，I
designheretogiveahistoryofthecalamitouseventswhichhavesolatelyoccurredwithinitslimits。Noonewhoknowsmewilldoubtthatthedutythusself-imposedwillbeexecutedtothebestofmyability，withallthatrigidimpartiality，allthatcautiousexaminationintofacts，anddiligentcollationofauthorities，whichshouldeverdistinguishhimwhoaspirestothetitleofhistorian。
Bytheunitedaidofmedals，manuscripts，andinscriptions，Iamenabledtosay，positively，thattheboroughofVondervotteimittisshasexisted，fromitsorigin，inpreciselythesameconditionwhichitatpresentpreserves。Ofthedateofthisorigin，however，I
grievethatIcanonlyspeakwiththatspeciesofindefinitedefinitenesswhichmathematiciansare，attimes，forcedtoputupwithincertainalgebraicformulae。Thedate，Imaythussay，inregardtotheremotenessofitsantiquity，cannotbelessthananyassignablequantitywhatsoever。
TouchingthederivationofthenameVondervotteimittiss，Iconfessmyself，withsorrow，equallyatfault。Amongamultitudeofopinionsuponthisdelicatepoint-someacute，somelearned，somesufficientlythereverseIamabletoselectnothingwhichoughttobeconsideredsatisfactory。PerhapstheideaofGrogswigg-nearlycoincidentwiththatofKroutaplentteyistobecautiouslypreferred。Itruns：VondervotteimittisVonder，legeDonderVotteimittis，quasiundBleitziz-Bleitzizobsol：proBlitzen。”
Thisderivative，tosaythetruth，isstillcountenancedbysometracesoftheelectricfluidevidentonthesummitofthesteepleoftheHouseoftheTown-Council。Idonotchoose，however，tocommitmyselfonathemeofsuchimportance，andmustreferthereaderdesirousofinformationtothe“OratiunculaedeRebusPraeter-Veteris。”ofDundergutz。See，also，Blunderbuzzard“DeDerivationibus。”pp。27to5010，Folio，Gothicedit。，RedandBlackcharacter，Catch-wordandNoCypher；whereinconsult，also，marginalnotesintheautographofStuffundpuff，withtheSub-CommentariesofGruntundguzzell。
NotwithstandingtheobscuritywhichthusenvelopsthedateofthefoundationofVondervotteimittis，andthederivationofitsname，therecanbenodoubt，asIsaidbefore，thatithasalwaysexistedaswefinditatthisepoch。Theoldestmanintheboroughcanremembernottheslightestdifferenceintheappearanceofanyportionofit；and，indeed，theverysuggestionofsuchapossibilityisconsideredaninsult。Thesiteofthevillageisinaperfectlycircularvalley，aboutaquarterofamileincircumference，andentirelysurroundedbygentlehills，overwhosesummitthepeoplehaveneveryetventuredtopass。Forthistheyassigntheverygoodreasonthattheydonotbelievethereisanythingatallontheotherside。
Roundtheskirtsofthevalleywhichisquitelevel，andpavedthroughoutwithflattiles，extendsacontinuousrowofsixtylittlehouses。These，havingtheirbacksonthehills，mustlook，ofcourse，tothecentreoftheplain，whichisjustsixtyyardsfromthefrontdoorofeachdwelling。Everyhousehasasmallgardenbeforeit，withacircularpath，asun-dial，andtwenty-fourcabbages。Thebuildingsthemselvesaresopreciselyalike，thatonecaninnomannerbedistinguishedfromtheother。Owingtothevastantiquity，thestyleofarchitectureissomewhatodd，butitisnotforthatreasonthelessstrikinglypicturesque。Theyarefashionedofhard-burnedlittlebricks，red，withblackends，sothatthewallslooklikeachess-boarduponagreatscale。Thegablesareturnedtothefront，andtherearecornices，asbigasalltherestofthehouse，overtheeavesandoverthemaindoors。Thewindowsarenarrowanddeep，withverytinypanesandagreatdealofsash。Ontheroofisavastquantityoftileswithlongcurlyears。Thewoodwork，throughout，isofadarkhueandthereismuchcarvingaboutit，withbutatriflingvarietyofpatternfor，timeoutofmind，thecarversofVondervotteimittisshaveneverbeenabletocarvemorethantwoobjectsatime-pieceandacabbage。Butthesetheydoexceedinglywell，andinterspersethem，withsingularingenuity，wherevertheyfindroomforthechisel。
Thedwellingsareasmuchalikeinsideasout，andthefurnitureisallupononeplan。Thefloorsareofsquaretiles，thechairsandtablesofblack-lookingwoodwiththincrookedlegsandpuppyfeet。
Themantelpiecesarewideandhigh，andhavenotonlytime-piecesandcabbagessculpturedoverthefront，butarealtime-piece，whichmakesaprodigiousticking，onthetopinthemiddle，withaflower-potcontainingacabbagestandingoneachextremitybywayofoutrider。Betweeneachcabbageandthetime-piece，again，isalittleChinamanhavingalargestomachwithagreatroundholeinit，throughwhichisseenthedial-plateofawatch。
Thefireplacesarelargeanddeep，withfiercecrooked-lookingfire-dogs。Thereisconstantlyarousingfire，andahugepotoverit，fullofsauer-krautandpork，towhichthegoodwomanofthehouseisalwaysbusyinattending。Sheisalittlefatoldlady，withblueeyesandaredface，andwearsahugecaplikeasugar-loaf，ornamentedwithpurpleandyellowribbons。Herdressisoforange-coloredlinsey-woolsey，madeveryfullbehindandveryshortinthewaistandindeedveryshortinotherrespects，notreachingbelowthemiddleofherleg。Thisissomewhatthick，andsoareherankles，butshehasafinepairofgreenstockingstocoverthem。Hershoesofpinkleatherarefastenedeachwithabunchofyellowribbonspuckeredupintheshapeofacabbage。InherlefthandshehasalittleheavyDutchwatch；inherrightshewieldsaladleforthesauerkrautandpork。Byhersidetherestandsafattabbycat，withagilttoy-repeatertiedtoitstail，which“theboys“havetherefastenedbywayofaquiz。
Theboysthemselvesare，allthreeofthem，inthegardenattendingthepig。Theyareeachtwofeetinheight。Theyhavethree-corneredcockedhats，purplewaistcoatsreachingdowntotheirthighs，buckskinknee-breeches，redstockings，heavyshoeswithbigsilverbuckles，longsurtoutcoatswithlargebuttonsofmother-of-pearl。
Each，too，hasapipeinhismouth，andalittledumpywatchinhisrighthand。Hetakesapuffandalook，andthenalookandapuff。
Thepig-whichiscorpulentandlazyisoccupiednowinpickingupthestrayleavesthatfallfromthecabbages，andnowingivingakickbehindatthegiltrepeater，whichtheurchinshavealsotiedtohistailinordertomakehimlookashandsomeasthecat。
Rightatthefrontdoor，inahigh-backedleather-bottomedarmedchair，withcrookedlegsandpuppyfeetlikethetables，isseatedtheoldmanofthehousehimself。Heisanexceedinglypuffylittleoldgentleman，withbigcirculareyesandahugedoublechin。HisdressresemblesthatoftheboysandIneedsaynothingfartheraboutit。Allthedifferenceis，thathispipeissomewhatbiggerthantheirsandhecanmakeagreatersmoke。Likethem，hehasawatch，buthecarrieshiswatchinhispocket。Tosaythetruth，hehassomethingofmoreimportancethanawatchtoattendtoandwhatthatis，Ishallpresentlyexplain。Hesitswithhisrightleguponhisleftknee，wearsagravecountenance，andalwayskeepsoneofhiseyes，atleast，resolutelybentuponacertainremarkableobjectinthecentreoftheplain。
ThisobjectissituatedinthesteepleoftheHouseoftheTownCouncil。TheTownCouncilareallverylittle，round，oily，intelligentmen，withbigsaucereyesandfatdoublechins，andhavetheircoatsmuchlongerandtheirshoe-bucklesmuchbiggerthantheordinaryinhabitantsofVondervotteimittiss。Sincemysojournintheborough，theyhavehadseveralspecialmeetings，andhaveadoptedthesethreeimportantresolutions：
“Thatitiswrongtoalterthegoodoldcourseofthings：“
“ThatthereisnothingtolerableoutofVondervotteimittiss：“and-
“Thatwewillstickbyourclocksandourcabbages。”
Abovethesession-roomoftheCouncilisthesteeple，andinthesteepleisthebelfry，whereexists，andhasexistedtimeoutofmind，theprideandwonderofthevillagethegreatclockoftheboroughofVondervotteimittiss。Andthisistheobjecttowhichtheeyesoftheoldgentlemenareturnedwhositintheleather-bottomedarm-chairs。
Thegreatclockhassevenfacesoneineachofthesevensidesofthesteeplesothatitcanbereadilyseenfromallquarters。Itsfacesarelargeandwhite，anditshandsheavyandblack。Thereisabelfry-manwhosesoledutyistoattendtoit；butthisdutyisthemostperfectofsinecuresfortheclockofVondervotteimittiswasneveryetknowntohaveanythingthematterwithit。Untillately，thebaresuppositionofsuchathingwasconsideredheretical。Fromtheremotestperiodofantiquitytowhichthearchiveshavereference，thehourshavebeenregularlystruckbythebigbell。And，indeedthecasewasjustthesamewithalltheotherclocksandwatchesintheborough。Neverwassuchaplaceforkeepingthetruetime。Whenthelargeclapperthoughtpropertosay“Twelveo’clock！”
allitsobedientfollowersopenedtheirthroatssimultaneously，andrespondedlikeaveryecho。Inshort，thegoodburgherswerefondoftheirsauer-kraut，butthentheywereproudoftheirclocks。
Allpeoplewhoholdsinecureofficesareheldinmoreorlessrespect，andasthebelfrymanofVondervotteimittisshasthemostperfectofsinecures，heisthemostperfectlyrespectedofanymanintheworld。Heisthechiefdignitaryoftheborough，andtheverypigslookuptohimwithasentimentofreverence。Hiscoat-tailisveryfarlongerhispipe，hisshoebuckles，hiseyes，andhisstomach，veryfarbiggerthanthoseofanyotheroldgentlemaninthevillage；andastohischin，itisnotonlydouble，buttriple。
IhavethuspaintedthehappyestateofVondervotteimittiss：alas，thatsofairapictureshouldeverexperienceareverse！
Therehasbeenlongasayingamongthewisestinhabitants，that“nogoodcancomefromoverthehills“；anditreallyseemedthatthewordshadinthemsomethingofthespiritofprophecy。Itwantedfiveminutesofnoon，onthedaybeforeyesterday，whenthereappearedaveryodd-lookingobjectonthesummitoftheridgeoftheeastward。
Suchanoccurrence，ofcourse，attracteduniversalattention，andeverylittleoldgentlemanwhosatinaleather-bottomedarm-chairturnedoneofhiseyeswithastareofdismayuponthephenomenon，stillkeepingtheotherupontheclockinthesteeple。
Bythetimethatitwantedonlythreeminutestonoon，thedrollobjectinquestionwasperceivedtobeaverydiminutiveforeign-lookingyoungman。Hedescendedthehillsatagreatrate，sothateverybodyhadsoonagoodlookathim。HewasreallythemostfinickylittlepersonagethathadeverbeenseeninVondervotteimittiss。Hiscountenancewasofadarksnuff-color，andhehadalonghookednose，peaeyes，awidemouth，andanexcellentsetofteeth，whichlatterheseemedanxiousofdisplaying，ashewasgrinningfromeartoear。Whatwithmustachiosandwhiskers，therewasnoneoftherestofhisfacetobeseen。Hisheadwasuncovered，andhishairneatlydoneupinpapillotes。Hisdresswasatight-fittingswallow-tailedblackcoatfromoneofwhosepocketsdangledavastlengthofwhitehandkerchief，blackkerseymereknee-breeches，blackstockings，andstumpy-lookingpumps，withhugebunchesofblacksatinribbonforbows。Underonearmhecarriedahugechapeau-de-bras，andundertheotherafiddlenearlyfivetimesasbigashimself。Inhislefthandwasagoldsnuff-box，fromwhich，ashecapereddownthehill，cuttingallmanneroffantasticsteps，hetooksnuffincessantlywithanairofthegreatestpossibleself-satisfaction。Godblessme！herewasasightforthehonestburghersofVondervotteimittiss！
Tospeakplainly，thefellowhad，inspiteofhisgrinning，anaudaciousandsinisterkindofface；andashecurvettedrightintothevillage，theoldstumpyappearanceofhispumpsexcitednolittlesuspicion；andmanyaburgherwhobeheldhimthatdaywouldhavegivenatrifleforapeepbeneaththewhitecambrichandkerchiefwhichhungsoobtrusivelyfromthepocketofhisswallow-tailedcoat。
Butwhatmainlyoccasionedarighteousindignationwas，thatthescoundrellypopinjay，whilehecutafandangohere，andawhirligigthere，didnotseemtohavetheremotestideaintheworldofsuchathingaskeepingtimeinhissteps。