第46章
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  “Oh,that’saffectation。”saidGrace,shakingherhead。“Itisnouse——youlovehim。Icanseeinyourfacethatinthismatterofmyhusbandyouhavenotletyouractsbelieyourfeelings。Duringtheselastfourorsixmonthsyouhavebeenterriblyindiscreet;

  butyouhavenotbeeninsincere,andthatalmostdisarmsme。”

  “IHAVEbeeninsincere——ifyouwillhavetheword——ImeanIHAVE

  coquetted,anddoNOTlovehim!”

  ButGraceclungtoherpositionlikealimpet。“Youmayhavetrifledwithothers,buthimyouloveasyouneverlovedanotherman。”

  “Oh,well——Iwon’targue。”saidMrs。Charmond,laughingfaintly。

  “Andyoucometoreproachmeforit,child。”

  “No。”saidGrace,magnanimously。“Youmaygoonlovinghimifyoulike——Idon’tmindatall。You’llfindit,letmetellyou,abittererbusinessforyourselfthanformeintheend。He’llgettiredofyousoon,astiredascanbe——youdon’tknowhimsowellasI——andthenyoumaywishyouhadneverseenhim!”

  Mrs。Charmondhadgrownquitepaleandweakunderthisprophecy。

  ItwasextraordinarythatGrace,whomalmosteveryonewouldhavecharacterizedasagentlegirl,shouldbeofstrongerfibrethanherinterlocutor。“Youexaggerate——cruel,sillyyoungwoman。”shereiterated,writhingwithlittleagonies。“Itisnothingbutplayfulfriendship——nothing!Itwillbeprovedbymyfutureconduct。Ishallatoncerefusetoseehimmore——sinceitwillmakenodifferencetomyheart,andmuchtomyname。”

  “Iquestionifyouwillrefusetoseehimagain。”saidGrace,dryly,aswitheyesaskanceshebentasaplingdown。“ButIamnotincensedagainstyouasyouareagainstme。”sheadded,abandoningthetreetoitsnaturalperpendicular。“BeforeIcameIhadbeendespisingyouforwantoncruelty;nowIonlypityyouformisplacedaffection。WhenEdgarhasgoneoutofthehouseinhopeofseeingyou,atseasonablehoursandunseasonable;whenI

  havefoundhimridingmilesandmilesacrossthecountryatmidnight,andriskinghislife,andgettingcoveredwithmud,togetaglimpseofyou,Ihavecalledhimafoolishman——theplaythingofafinishedcoquette。Ithoughtthatwhatwasgettingtobeatragedytomewasacomedytoyou。ButnowIseethattragedyliesonYOURsideofthesituationnolessthanonMINE,andmore;thatifIhavefelttroubleatmyposition,youhavefeltanguishatyours;thatifIhavehaddisappointments,youhavehaddespairs。Heavenmayfortifyme——Godhelpyou!”

  “Icannotattempttoreplytoyourravingeloquence。”returnedtheother,strugglingtorestoreadignitywhichhadcompletelycollapsed。“Myactswillbemyproofs。Intheworldwhichyouhaveseennothingof,friendshipsbetweenmenandwomenarenotunknown,anditwouldhavebeenbetterbothforyouandyourfatherifyouhadeachjudgedmemorerespectfully,andleftmealone。AsitisIwishnevertoseeorspeaktoyou,madam,anymore。”

  Gracebowed,andMrs。Charmondturnedaway。Thetwowentapartindirectlyoppositecourses,andweresoonhiddenfromeachotherbytheirumbrageoussurroundingsandbytheshadowsofeve。

  Intheexcitementoftheirlongargumenttheyhadwalkedonwardandzigzaggedaboutwithoutregardingdirectionordistance。Allsoundofthewoodcuttershadlongsincefadedintoremoteness,andevenhadnottheintervalbeentoogreatforhearingthemtheywouldhavebeensilentandhomewardboundatthistwilighthour。

  ButGracewentonhercoursewithoutanymisgiving,thoughtherewasmuchunderwoodhere,withonlythenarrowestpassagesforwalking,acrosswhichbrambleshung。Shehadnot,however,traversedthisthewildestpartofthewoodsinceherchildhood,andthetransformationofoutlineshadbeengreat;oldtreeswhichoncewerelandmarkshadbeenfelledorblowndown,andthebusheswhichthenhadbeensmallandscrubbywerenowlargeandoverhanging。Shesoonfoundthatherideasastodirectionwerevague——thatshehadindeednoideasastodirectionatall。Iftheeveninghadnotbeengrowingsodark,andthewindhadnotputonitsnightmoansodistinctly,Gracewouldnothaveminded;butshewasratherfrightenednow,andbegantostrikeacrosshitherandthitherinrandomcourses。

  Densergrewthedarkness,moredevelopedthewind-voices,andstillnorecognizablespotoroutletofanykindappeared,noranysoundoftheHintocksfloatednear,thoughshehadwanderedprobablybetweenoneandtwohours,andbegantobeweary。Shewasvexedatherfoolishness,sincethegroundshehadcovered,ifinastraightline,mustinevitablyhavetakenheroutofthewoodtosomeremotevillageorother;butshehadwastedherforcesincountermarches;andnow,inmuchalarm,wonderedifshewouldhavetopassthenighthere。Shestoodstilltomeditate,andfanciedthatbetweenthesoughingofthewindsheheardshufflingfootstepsontheleavesheavierthanthoseofrabbitsorhares。

  Thoughfearingatfirsttomeetanybodyonthechanceofhisbeingafriend,shedecidedthatthefellownight-rambler,evenifapoacher,wouldnotinjureher,andthathemightpossiblybesomeonesenttosearchforher。Sheaccordinglyshoutedarathertimid“Hoi!”

  Thecrywasimmediatelyreturnedbytheotherperson;andGracerunningatonceinthedirectionwhenceitcamebeheldanindistinctfigurehasteninguptoherasrapidly。Theywerealmostineachother’sarmswhensherecognizedinhervis-a-vistheoutlineandwhiteveilofherwhomshehadpartedfromanhourandahalfbefore——Mrs。Charmond。

  “Ihavelostmyway,Ihavelostmyway。”criedthatlady。“Oh——

  isitindeedyou?Iamsogladtomeetyouoranybody。Ihavebeenwanderingupanddowneversinceweparted,andamnearlydeadwithterrorandmiseryandfatigue!”

  “SoamI。”saidGrace。“Whatshallwe,shallwedo?”

  “Youwon’tgoawayfromme?”askedhercompanion,anxiously。

  “No,indeed。Areyouverytired?”

  “Icanscarcelymove,andIamscratcheddreadfullyabouttheankles。”

  Gracereflected。“Perhaps,asitisdryunderfoot,thebestthingforustodowouldbetositdownforhalfanhour,andthenstartagainwhenwehavethoroughlyrested。Bywalkingstraightwemustcometoatrackleadingsomewherebeforethemorning。”

  Theyfoundaclumpofbushyhollieswhichaffordedashelterfromthewind,andsatdownunderit,sometuftsofdeadfern,crispanddry,thatremainedfromthepreviousseasonformingasortofnestforthem。Butitwascold,nevertheless,onthisMarchnight,particularlyforGrace,whowiththesanguineprematurenessofyouthinmattersofdress,hadconsidereditspring-time,andhencewasnotsowarmlycladasMrs。Charmond,whostillworeherwinterfur。ButaftersittingawhilethelatterladyshiverednolessthanGraceasthewarmthimpartedbyherhastywalkingbegantogooff,andtheyfeltthecoldairdrawingthroughthehollyleaveswhichscratchedtheirbacksandshoulders。Moreover,theycouldhearsomedropsofrainfallingonthetrees,thoughnonereachedthenookinwhichtheyhadensconcedthemselves。

  “Ifweweretoclingclosetogether。”saidMrs。Charmond,“weshouldkeepeachotherwarm。But。”sheadded,inanunevenvoice,“Isupposeyouwon’tcomenearmefortheworld!”

  “Whynot?”

  “Because——well,youknow。”

  “Yes。Iwill——Idon’thateyouatall。”

  Theyconsequentlycreptuptooneanother,andbeinginthedark,lonelyandweary,didwhatneitherhaddreamedofdoingbeforehand,claspedeachotherclosely,Mrs。Charmond’sfursconsolingGrace’scoldface,andeachone’sbodyasshebreathedalternatelyheavingagainstthatofhercompanion。

  Whenafewminuteshadbeenspentthus,Mrs。Charmondsaid,“Iamsowretched!”inaheavy,emotionalwhisper。

  “Youarefrightened。”saidGrace,kindly。“Butthereisnothingtofear;Iknowthesewoodswell。”

  “Iamnotatallfrightenedatthewood,butIamatotherthings。”

  Mrs。CharmondembracedGracemoreandmoretightly,andtheyoungerwomancouldfeelherneighbor’sbreathingsgrowdeeperandmorespasmodic,asthoughuncontrollablefeelingsweregerminating。

  “AfterIhadleftyou。”shewenton,“IregrettedsomethingIhadsaid。Ihavetomakeaconfession——Imustmakeit!”shewhispered,brokenly,theinstincttoindulgeinwarmthofsentimentwhichhadledthiswomanofpassionstorespondtoFitzpiersinthefirstplaceleadinghernowtofindluxuriouscomfortinopeningherhearttohiswife。“IsaidtoyouIcouldgivehimupwithoutpainordeprivation——thathehadonlybeenmypastime。Thatwasuntrue——itwassaidtodeceiveyou。Icouldnotdoitwithoutmuchpain;and,whatismoredreadful,Icannotgivehimup——evenifIwould——ofmyselfalone。”

  “Why?Becauseyoulovehim,youmean。”

  FeliceCharmonddenotedassentbyamovement。

  “IknewIwasright!”saidGrace,exaltedly。“Butthatshouldnotdeteryou。”shepresentlyadded,inamoraltone。“Oh,dostruggleagainstit,andyouwillconquer!”

  “Youaresosimple,sosimple!”criedFelice。“Youthink,becauseyouguessedmyassumedindifferencetohimtobeasham,thatyouknowtheextremesthatpeoplearecapableofgoingto!Butagooddealmoremayhavebeengoingonthanyouhavefathomedwithallyourinsight。ICANNOTgivehimupuntilhechoosestogiveupme。”

  “Butsurelyyouarethesuperiorinstationandineveryway,andthecutmustcomefromyou。”

  “Tchut!MustItellverbatim,yousimplechild?Oh,IsupposeI

  must!IshalleatawaymyheartifIdonotletoutall,aftermeetingyoulikethisandfindinghowguilelessyouare。”Shethereuponwhisperedafewwordsinthegirl’sear,andburstintoaviolentfitofsobbing。

  Gracestartedroughlyawayfromtheshelterofthefur,andsprangtoherfeet。

  “Oh,myGod!”sheexclaimed,thunderstruckatarevelationtranscendingherutmostsuspicion。“Canitbe——canitbe!”

  Sheturnedasiftohastenaway。ButFeliceCharmond’ssobscametoherear:deepdarknesscircledherabout,thefunerealtreesrockedandchantedtheirdirigesandplacebosaroundher,andshedidnotknowwhichwaytogo。Afteramomentofenergyshefeltmildagain,andturnedtothemotionlesswomanatherfeet。

  “Areyourested?”sheasked,inwhatseemedsomethinglikeherownvoicegrowntenyearsolder。

  WithoutananswerMrs。Charmondslowlyrose。

  “Youmeantobetrayme!”shesaidfromthebitterestdepthsofhersoul。“Ohfool,foolI!”

  “No。”saidGrace,shortly。“Imeannosuchthing。Butletusbequicknow。Wehaveaseriousundertakingbeforeus。Thinkofnothingbutgoingstraighton。”

  Theywalkedoninprofoundsilence,pullingbackboughsnowgrowingwet,andtreadingdownwoodbine,butstillkeepingaprettystraightcourse。Gracebegantobethoroughlywornout,andhercompaniontoo,when,onasudden,theybrokeintothedesertedhighwayatthehill-toponwhichtheShertonmanhadwaitedforMrs。Dollery’svan。Gracerecognizedthespotassoonasshelookedaroundher。

  “HowwehavegothereIcannottell。”shesaid,withcoldcivility。“WehavemadeacompletecircuitofLittleHintock。

  Thehazelcopseisquiteontheotherside。Nowwehaveonlytofollowtheroad。”

  Theydraggedthemselvesonward,turnedintothelane,passedthetracktoLittleHintock,andsoreachedthepark。

  “HereIturnback。”saidGrace,inthesamepassionlessvoice。

  “Youarequitenearhome。”

  Mrs。Charmondstoodinert,seemingappalledbyherlateadmission。

  “Ihavetoldyousomethinginamomentofirresistibledesiretounburdenmysoulwhichallbutafoolwouldhavekeptsilentasthegrave。”shesaid。“Icannothelpitnow。Isittobeasecret——ordoyoumeanwar?”

  “Asecret,certainly。”saidGrace,mournfully。“Howcanyouexpectwarfromsuchahelpless,wretchedbeingasI!”

  “AndI’lldomybestnottoseehim。Iamhisslave;butI’lltry。”

  Gracewasnaturallykind;butshecouldnothelpusingasmalldaggernow。

  “Praydon’tdistressyourself。”shesaid,withexquisitelyfinescorn。“Youmaykeephim——forme。”Hadshebeenwoundedinsteadofmortifiedshecouldnothaveusedthewords;butFitzpiers’sholduponherheartwasslight。

  Theypartedthusandthere,andGracewentmoodilyhomeward。

  PassingMarty’scottagesheobservedthroughthewindowthatthegirlwaswritinginsteadofchoppingasusual,andwonderedwhathercorrespondencecouldbe。Directlyafterwardsshemetpeopleinsearchofher,andreachedthehousetofindallinseriousalarm。Shesoonexplainedthatshehadlostherway,andhergeneraldepressionwasattributedtoexhaustiononthataccount。

  CouldshehaveknownwhatMartywaswritingshewouldhavebeensurprised。

  TherumorwhichagitatedtheotherfolkofHintockhadreachedtheyounggirl,andshewaspenningalettertoFitzpiers,totellhimthatMrs。Charmondworeherhair。ItwaspoorMarty’sonlycard,andsheplayedit,knowingnothingoffashion,andthinkingherrevelationafataloneforalover。

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