第43章
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  `WheneveryouandIaretogether,Marian,’shesaid,`weshallbothbehappierandeasierwithoneanother,ifweacceptmymarriedlifeforwhatitis,andsayandthinkaslittleaboutitaspossible。Iwouldtellyoueverything,darling,aboutmyself,’shewenton,nervouslybucklingandunbucklingtheribbonroundmywaist,`ifmyconfidencescouldonlyendthere。Buttheycouldnot——theywouldleadmeintoconfidencesaboutmyhusbandtoo;andnowIammarried,IthinkIhadbetteravoidthem,forhissake,andforyoursake,andformine。Idon’tsaythattheywoulddistressyou,ordistressme——Iwouldn’thaveyouthinkthatfortheworld。But——Iwanttobesohappy,nowIhavegotyoubackagain,andIwantyoutobesohappytoo——’Shebrokeoffabruptly,andlookedroundtheroom,myownsitting-room,inwhichweweretalking。`Ah!’shecried,clappingherhandswithabrightsmileofrecognition,`anotheroldfriendfoundalready!Yourbookcase,Marian——yourdear-little-shabby-old-satin-woodbookcase——howgladIamyoubroughtitwithyoufromLimmeridge!Andthehorridheavyman’sumbrella,thatyoualwayswouldwalkoutwithwhenitrained!Andfirstandforemostofall,yourowndear,dark。clever,gipsy-face,lookingatmejustasusual!Itissolikehomeagaintobehere。Howcanwemakeitmorelikehomestill?Iwillputmyfather’sportraitinyourroominsteadofmine——andIwillkeepallmylittletreasuresfromLimmeridgehere——andwewillpasshoursandhourseverydaywiththesefourfriendlywallsroundus。Oh,Marian!’shesaid,suddenlyseatingherselfonafootstoolatmyknees,andlookingupearnestlyinmyface,`promiseyouwillnevermarry,andleaveme。Itisselfishtosayso,butyouaresomuchbetteroffasasinglewoman——unless——unlessyouarcveryfondofyourhusband——butyouwon’tbeveryfondofanybodybutme,willyou?’Shestoppedagain,crossedmyhandsonmylap,andlaidherfaceonthem。`Haveyoubeenwritingmanyletters,andreceivingmanyletterslately?’sheasked,inlow,suddenly-alteredtones。Iunderstoodwhatthequestionmeant,butIthoughtitmydutynottoencourageherbymeetingherhalfway。`Haveyouheardfromhim?’shewenton,coaxingmetoforgivethemoredirectappealonwhichshenowventured,bykissingmyhands,uponwhichherfacestillrested。`Ishewellandhappy,andgettingoninhisprofession?Hasherecoveredhimself——andforgottenme?’

  Sheshouldnothaveaskedthosequestions。Sheshouldhaverememberedherownresolution,onthemorningwhenSirPercivalheldhertohermarriageengagement,andwhensheresignedthebookofHartright’sdrawingsintomyhandsforever。But,ahme!whereisthefaultlesshumancreaturewhocanpersevereinagoodresolution,withoutsometimesfailingandfallingback?Whereisthewomanwhohaseverreallytornfromherhearttheimagethathasbeenoncefixedinitbyatruelove?Bookstellusthatsuchunearthlycreatureshaveexisted——butwhatdoesourownexperiencesayinanswertobooks?

  Imadenoattempttoremonstratewithher:perhaps,becauseIsincerelyappreciatedthefearlesscandourwhichletmesee,whatotherwomeninherpositionmighthavehadreasonsforconcealingevenfromtheirdearestfriends——perhaps,becauseIfelt,inmyownheartandconscience,thatinherplaceIshouldhaveaskedthesamequestionsandhadthesamethoughts。

  AllIcouldhonestlydowastoreplythatIhadnotwrittentohimorheardfromhimlately,andthentoturntheconversationtolessdangeroustopics。

  Therehasbeenmuchtosaddenmeinourinterview——myfirstconfidentialinterviewwithhersinceherreturn。Thechangewhichhermarriagehasproducedinourrelationstowardseachother,byplacingaforbiddensubjectbetweenus,forthefirsttimeinourlives;themelancholyconvictionofthedearthofallwarmthoffeeling,ofallclosesympathy,betweenherhusbandandherself,whichherownunwillingwordsnowforceonmymind;thedistressingdiscoverythattheinfluenceofthatill-fatedattachmentstillremainsriomatterhowinnocently,howharmlesslyrootedasdeeplyaseverinherheart——allthesearedisclosurestosaddenanywomanwholovesherasdearly,andfeelsforherasacutely,asIdoThereisonlyoneconsolationtosetagainstthem——aconsolationthatoughttocomfortme,andthatdoescomfortme。Allthegracesandgentlenessofhercharacter——allthefrankaffectionofhernature——allthesweet,simple,womanlycharmswhichusedtomakeherthedarlinganddelightofeveryonewhoapproachedher,havecomebacktomewithherself。OfmyotherimpressionsIamsometimesalittleinclinedtodoubt。Ofthislast,best,happiestofallimpressions,Igrowmoreandmorecertaineveryhourintheday。

  Letmeturn,now,fromhertohertravellingcompanions。Herhusbandmustengagemyattentionfirst。WhathaveIobservedinSirPercival,sincehisreturn,toimprovemyopinionofhim?

  Icanhardlysay。Smallvexatiousandannoyancesseemtohavebesethimsincehecameback,andnoman,underthosecircumstances,iseverpresentedathisbest。Helooks,asIthink,thinnerthanhewaswhenheleftEngland。Hiswearisomecoughandhiscomfortlessrestlessnesshavecertainlyincreased。Hismanner——atleasthismannertowardsme——ismuchmoreabruptthanitusedtobe。Hegreetedme,ontheeveningofhisreturn,withlittleornothingoftheceremonyandcivilityofformertimes——nopolitespeechesofwelcome——noappearanceofextraordinarygratificationatseeingme——nothingbutashortshakeofthehand,andasharp`How-d’ye-do,MissHalcombe——gladtoseeyouagain。’HeseemedtoacceptmeasoneofthenecessaryfixturesofBlackwaterPark,tobesatisfiedatfindingmeestablishedinmyproperplace,andthentopassmeoveraltogether。

  Mostmenshowsomethingoftheirdispositionintheirownhouses,whichtheyhaveconcealedelsewhere,andSirPercivalhasalreadydisplayedamaniafororderandregularity,whichisquiteanewrevelationofhim,sofarasmypreviousknowledgeofhischaracterisconcerned。IfItakeabookfromthelibraryandleaveitonthetable,hefollowsmeandputsitbackagain。IfIrisefromachair,andletitremainwhereIhavebeensitting,hecarefullyrestoresittoitsproperplaceagainstthewall。

  Hepicksupstrayflower-blossomsfromthecarpet,andmutterstohimselfasdiscontentedlyasiftheywerehotcindersburningholesinit,andhestormsattheservantsifthereisacreaseinthetablecloth,oraknifemissingfromitsplaceatthedinner-table,asfiercelyasiftheyhadpersonallyinsultedhim。

  Ihavealreadyreferredtothesmallannoyanceswhichappeartohavetroubledhimsincehisreturn。MuchofthealterationfortheworsewhichIhavenoticedinhimmaybeduetothese。Itrytopersuademyselfthatitisso,becauseIamanxiousnottobedisheartenedalreadyaboutthefuture。Itiscertainlytryingtoanyman’stempertobemetbyavexationthemomenthesetsfootinhisownhouseagain,afteralongabsence,andthisannoyingcircumstancedidreallyhappentoSirPercivalinmypresence。

  Ontheeveningoftheirarrivalthehousekeeperfollowedmeintothehalltoreceivehermasterandmistressandtheirguests。Theinstanthesawher,SirPercivalaskedifanyonehadcalledlately。Thehousekeepermentionedtohim,inreply,whatshehadpreviouslymentionedtome,thevisitofthestrangegentlemantomakeinquiriesaboutthetimeofhermaster’sreturn。Heaskedimmediatelyforthegentleman’sname。Nonamehadbeenleft。Thegentleman’sbusiness?Nobusinesshadbeenmentioned。

  Whatwasthegentlemanlike?Thehousekeepertriedtodescribehim,butfailedtodistinguishthenamelessvisitorbyanypersonalpeculiaritywhichhermastercouldrecognise。SirPercivalfrowned,stampedangrilyonthefloor,andwalkedonintothehouse,takingnonoticeofanybody。

  WhyheshouldhavebeensodiscomposedbyatrifleIcannotsay——buthewasseriouslydiscomposed,beyondalldoubt。

  Uponthewhole,itwillbebest,perhaps,ifIabstainfromformingadecisiveopinionofhismanners,language,andconductinhisownhouse,untiltimehasenabledhimtoshakeofftheanxieties。whatevertheymaybe,whichnowevidentlytroubledhismindinsecret。Iwillturnovertoanewpage,andmypenshallletLaura’shusbandaloneforthepresent。

  Thetwoguests——theCountandCountessFosco——comenextinmycatalogue。

  IwilldisposeoftheCountessfirst,soastohavedonewiththewomanassoonaspossible。

  Laurawascertainlynotchargeablewithanyexaggeration,inwritingmewordthatIshouldhardlyrecogniseherauntagainwhenwemet。NeverbeforehaveIbeheldsuchachangeproducedinawomanbyhermarriageashasbeenproducedinMadameFosco。

  AsEleanorFairlieagedseven-and-thirty。shewasalwaystalkingpretentiousnonsense,andalwaysworryingtheunfortunatemenwitheverysmallexactionwhichavainandfoolishwomancanimposeonlong-sufferingmalehumanity。

  AsMadameFoscoagedthree-and-forty,shesitsforhourstogetherwithoutsayingaword,frozenupinthestrangestmannerinherself。Thehideouslyridiculouslove-lockswhichusedtohangoneithersideofherfacearenowreplacedbystifflittlerowsofveryshortcurls,ofthesortoneseesinold-fashionedwigs。Aplain,matronlycapcoversherhead,andmakesherlook,forthefirsttimeinherlifesinceIrememberher,likeadecentwoman。Nobodyputtingherhusbandoutofthequestion,ofcourse

  nowseesinher,whateverybodyoncesaw——Imeanthestructureofthefemaleskeleton,intheupperregionsofthecollar-bonesandtheshoulder-blades。

  Cladinquietblackorgreygowns,madehighroundthethroat——dressesthatshewouldhavelaughedat,orscreamedat,asthewhimofthemomentinclinedher,inhermaidendays——shesitsspeechlessincorners;herdrywhitehandssodrythattheporesofherskinlookchalkyincessantlyengaged,eitherinmonotonousembroideryworkorinrollingupendlesscigarettesfortheCount’sownparticularsmoking。Onthefewoccasionswhenhercoldblueeyesareoffherwork,theyaregenerallyturnedonherhusband,withthelookofmutesubmissiveinquirywhichweareallfamiliarwithintheeyesofafaithfuldog。TheonlyapproachtoaninwardthawwhichIhaveyetdetectedunderheroutercoveringoficyconstraint,hasbetrayeditself,onceortwice,intheformofasuppressedtigerishjealousyofanywomaninthehousethemaidsincludedtowhomtheCountspeaks,oronwhomhelookswithanythingapproachingtospecialinterestorattention。Exceptinthisoneparticular,sheisalways,morning,noon,andnight,indoorsandout,fairweatherorfoul,ascoldasastatue,andasimpenetrableasthestoneoutofwhichitiscut。Forthecommonpurposesofsocietytheextraordinarychangethusproducedinheris,beyondalldoubt,achangeforthebetter,seeingthatithastransformedherintoacivil,silent,unobtrusivewoman,whoisneverintheway。Howfarsheisreallyreformedordeterioratedinhersecretself,isanotherquestion。

  Ihaveonceortwiceseensuddenchangesofexpressiononherpinchedlips,andheardsuddeninflexionsoftoneinhercalmvoice,whichhaveledmetosuspectthatherpresentstateofsuppressionmayhavesealedupsomethingdangerousinhernature,whichusedtoevaporateharmlesslyinthefreedomofherformerlife。ItisquitepossiblethatImaybealtogetherwronginthisidea。Myownimpression,however,is,thatIamright。Timewillshow。

  Andthemagicianwhohaswroughtthiswonderfultransformation——theforeignhusbandwhohastamedthisoncewaywardEnglishwomantillherownrelationshardlyknowheragain——theCounthimself?WhatoftheCount?

  Thisintwowords:Helookslikeamanwhocouldtameanything。Ifhehadmarriedatigress,insteadofawoman,hewouldhavetamedthetigress。

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