第55章
加入书架 A- A+
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  AshethoughtfurtherherememberedthatallthingsworktogetherforgoodtothemthatloveGod;wasitpossible,heaskedhimself,thathetoo,howeverimperfectly,hadbeentryingtolovehim?HedarednotanswerYes,buthewouldtryhardthatitshouldbeso。

  ThentherecameintohismindthatnobleairofHandel’s:“GreatGod,whoyetbutdarklyknown。”andhefeltitashehadneverfeltitbefore。HehadlosthisfaithinChristianity,buthisfaithinsomething——heknewnotwhat,butthattherewasasomethingasyetbutdarklyknownwhichmaderightrightandwrongwrong——hisfaithinthisgrewstrongerandstrongerdaily。

  Againtherecrossedhismindthoughtsofthepowerwhichhefelttobeinhim,andofhowandwhereitwastofinditsvent。Thesameinstinctwhichhadledhimtoliveamongthepoorbecauseitwasthenearestthingtohimwhichhecouldlayholdofwithanyclearnesscametohisassistanceheretoo。HethoughtoftheAustraliangoldandhowthosewholivedamongithadneverseenitthoughitaboundedallaroundthem:“Thereisgoldeverywhere。”heexclaimedinwardly,“tothosewholookforit。”Mightnothisopportunitybecloseuponhimifhelookedcarefullyenoughathisimmediatesurroundings?Whatwashisposition?Hehadlostall。Couldhenotturnhishavinglostallintoanopportunity?Mighthenot,ifhetoosoughtthestrengthoftheLord,find,likeStPaul,thatitwasperfectedinweakness?

  Hehadnothingmoretolose;money,friends,character,allweregoneforaverylongtimeifnotforever;buttherewassomethingelsealsothathadtakenitsflightalongwiththese。Imeanthefearofthatwhichmancoulddountohim。Cantabilvacuus。Whocouldhurthimmorethanhehadbeenhurtalready?Lethimbutbeabletoearnhisbread,andheknewofnothingwhichhedarednotventureifitwouldmaketheworldahappierplaceforthosewhowereyoungandloveable。Hereinhefoundsomuchcomfortthathealmostwishedhehadlosthisreputationevenmorecompletely——forhesawthatitwaslikeaman’slifewhichmaybefoundofthemthatloseitandlostofthemthatwouldfindit。HeshouldnothavehadthecouragetogiveupallforChrist’ssake,butnowChristhadmercifullytakenall,andlo!itseemedasthoughallwerefound。

  AsthedayswentslowlybyhecametoseethatChristianityandthedenialofChristianityafterallmetasmuchasanyotherextremesdo;itwasafightaboutnames——notaboutthings;practicallytheChurchofRome,theChurchofEngland,andthefreethinkerhavethesameidealstandardandmeetinthegentleman;forheisthemostperfectsaintwhoisthemostperfectgentleman。Thenhesawalsothatitmatterslittlewhatprofession,whetherofreligionorirreligion,amanmaymake,providedonlyhefollowsitoutwithcharitableinconsistency,andwithoutinsistingonittothebitterend。Itisintheuncompromisingnesswithwhichdogmaisheldandnotinthedogmaorwantofdogmathatthedangerlies。Thiswasthecrowningpointoftheedifice;whenhehadgotherehenolongerwishedtomolesteventhePope。TheArchbishopofCanterburymighthavehoppedaboutallroundhimandevenpickedcrumbsoutofhishandwithoutrunningriskofgettingaslysprinkleofsalt。Thatwaryprelatehimselfmightperhapshavebeenofadifferentopinion,buttherobinsandthrushesthathopaboutourlawnsarenotmoreneedlesslydistrustfulofthehandthatthrowsthemoutcrumbsofbreadinwinter,thantheArchbishopwouldhavebeenofmyhero。

  Perhapshewashelpedtoarriveattheforegoingconclusionbyaneventwhichalmostthrustinconsistencyuponhim。Afewdaysafterhehadlefttheinfirmarythechaplaincametohiscellandtoldhimthattheprisonerwhoplayedtheorganinchapelhadjustfinishedhissentenceandwasleavingtheprison;hethereforeofferedtheposttoErnest,whohealreadyknewplayedtheorgan。Ernestwasatfirstindoubtwhetheritwouldberightforhimtoassistatreligiousservicesmorethanhewasactuallycompelledtodo,butthepleasureofplayingtheorgan,andtheprivilegeswhichthepostinvolved,madehimseeexcellentreasonsfornotridingconsistencytodeath。Having,then,onceintroducedanelementofinconsistencyintohissystem,hewasfartooconsistentnottobeinconsistentconsistently,andhelapsederelongintoanamiableindifferentismwhichtooutwardappearancedifferedbutlittlefromtheindifferentismfromwhichMrHawkehadarousedhim。

  Bybecomingorganisthewassavedfromthetreadmill,forwhichthedoctorhadsaidhewasunfitasyet,butwhichhewouldprobablyhavebeenputtoinduecourseassoonashewasstronger。Hemighthaveescapedthetailor’sshopaltogetheranddoneonlythecomparativelylightworkofattendingtothechaplain’sroomsifhehadliked,buthewantedtolearnasmuchtailoringashecould,anddidnotthereforetakeadvantageofthisoffer;hewasallowed,however,twohoursadayintheafternoonforpractice。Fromthatmomenthisprisonlifeceasedtobemonotonous,andtheremainingtwomonthsofhissentenceslippedbyalmostasrapidlyastheywouldhavedoneifhehadbeenfree。Whatwithmusic,books,learninghistrade,andconversationwiththechaplain,whowasjustthekindly,sensiblepersonthatErnestwantedinordertosteadyhimalittle,thedayswentbysopleasantlythatwhenthetimecameforhimtoleaveprison,hedidso,orthoughthedidso,notwithoutregret。

  IncomingtotheconclusionthathewouldsevertheconnectionbetweenhimselfandhisfamilyonceforallErnesthadreckonedwithouthisfamily。Theobaldwantedtoberidofhisson,itistrue,insofarashewishedhimtobenoneareratanyratethantheAntipodes;buthehadnoideaofentirelybreakingwithhim。HeknewhissonwellenoughtohaveaprettyshrewdideathatthiswaswhatErnestwouldwishhimself,andperhapsasmuchforthisreasonasforanyotherhewasdeterminedtokeepuptheconnection,provideditdidnotinvolveErnest’scomingtoBattersbynoranyrecurringoutlay。

  Whenthetimeapproachedforhimtoleaveprison,hisfatherandmotherconsultedastowhatcoursetheyshouldadopt。

  “Wemustneverleavehimtohimself。”saidTheobaldimpressively;

  “wecanneitherofuswishthat。”

  “Oh,no!no!dearestTheobald。”exclaimedChristina。“Whoeverelsedesertshim,andhoweverdistanthemaybefromus,hemuststillfeelthathehasparentswhoseheartsbeatwithaffectionforhimnomatterhowcruellyhehaspainedthem。”

  “Hehasbeenhisownworstenemy。”saidTheobald。“Hehasneverlovedusaswedeserved,andnowhewillbewithheldbyfalseshamefromwishingtoseeus。Hewillavoidusifhecan。”

  “Thenwemustgotohimourselves。”saidChristina,“whetherhelikesitornotwemustbeathissidetosupporthimasheentersagainupontheworld。”

  “Ifwedonotwanthimtogiveustheslipwemustcatchhimasheleavesprison。”

  “Wewill,wewill;ourfacesshallbethefirsttogladdenhiseyesashecomesout,andourvoicesthefirsttoexhorthimtoreturntothepathsofvirtue。”

  “Ithink。”saidTheobald,“ifheseesusinthestreethewillturnroundandrunawayfromus。Heisintenselyselfish。”

  “Thenwemustgetleavetogoinsidetheprison,andseehimbeforehegetsoutside。”

  Afteragooddealofdiscussionthiswastheplantheydecidedonadopting,andhavingsodecided,TheobaldwrotetothegovernorofthegaolaskingwhetherhecouldbeadmittedinsidethegaoltoreceiveErnestwhenhissentencehadexpired。Hereceivedanswerintheaffirmative,andthepairleftBattersbythedaybeforeErnestwastocomeoutofprison。

  Ernesthadnotreckonedonthis,andwasrathersurprisedonbeingtoldafewminutesbeforeninethathewastogointothereceivingroombeforehelefttheprisonastherewerevisitorswaitingtoseehim。Hisheartfell,forheguessedwhotheywere,buthescreweduphiscourageandhastenedtothereceivingroom。There,sureenough,standingattheendofthetablenearestthedoorwerethetwopeoplewhomheregardedasthemostdangerousenemieshehadinalltheworld——hisfatherandmother。

  Hecouldnotfly,butheknewthatifhewaveredhewaslost。

  Hismotherwascrying,butshesprangforwardtomeethimandclaspedhiminherarms。“Oh,myboy,myboy。”shesobbed,andshecouldsaynomore。

  Ernestwasaswhiteasasheet。Hisheartbeatsothathecouldhardlybreathe。Helethismotherembracehim,andthenwithdrawinghimselfstoodsilentlybeforeherwiththetearsfallingfromhiseyes。

  Atfirsthecouldnotspeak。Foraminuteorsothesilenceonallsideswascomplete。Then,gatheringstrength,hesaidinalowvoice:

  “Mother。”itwasthefirsttimehehadcalledheranythingbut“mamma“?“wemustpart。”Onthis,turningtothewarder,hesaid:

  “IbelieveIamfreetoleavetheprisonifIwishtodoso。Youcannotcompelmetoremainherelonger。Pleasetakemetothegates。”

  Theobaldsteppedforward。“Ernest,youmustnot,shallnot,leaveusinthisway。”

  “Donotspeaktome。”saidErnest,hiseyesflashingwithafirethatwasunwontedinthem。AnotherwarderthencameupandtookTheobaldaside,whilethefirstconductedErnesttothegates。

  “Tellthem。”saidErnest,“frommethattheymustthinkofmeasonedead,forIamdeadtothem。SaythatmygreatestpainisthethoughtofthedisgraceIhaveinflicteduponthem,andthataboveallthingselseIwillstudytoavoidpainingthemhereafter;butsayalsothatiftheywritetomeIwillreturntheirlettersunopened,andthatiftheycomeandseemeIwillprotectmyselfinwhateverwayIcan。”

  Bythistimehewasattheprisongate,andinanothermomentwasatliberty。Afterhehadgotafewstepsoutheturnedhisfacetotheprisonwall,leantagainstitforsupport,andweptasthoughhisheartwouldbreak。

  GivingupfatherandmotherforChrist’ssakewasnotsuchaneasymatterafterall。Ifamanhasbeenpossessedbydevilsforlongenoughtheywillrendhimastheyleavehim,howeverimperativelytheymayhavebeencastout。Ernestdidnotstaylongwherehewas,forhefearedeachmomentthathisfatherandmotherwouldcomeout。

  Hepulledhimselftogetherandturnedintothelabyrinthofsmallstreetswhichopenedoutinfrontofhim。

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