Foraninstantshehadaclearvisionofwhatshewasdoing，andwashorrifiedathowshehadfallenawayfromherresolution。Buteventhoughsheknewitwasherownruin，shecouldnotrestrainherself，couldnotkeepherselffromprovingtohimthathewaswrong，couldnotgivewaytohim。
`Ineversaidthat；IsaidIdidnotsympathizewiththissuddenpassion。’
`Howisit，thoughyouboastofyourstraightforwardness，youdon’ttellthetruth？’
`Ineverboast，andInevertelllies，’hesaidslowly，restraininghisrisinganger。`It’sagreatpityifyoucan’trespect……’
`Respectwasinventedtocovertheemptyplacewhereloveshouldbe……Andifyoudon’tlovemeanymore，itwouldbebetterandmorehonesttosayso。’
`No，thisisbecomingunbearable！’criedVronsky，gettingupfromhischair；andstoppingshort，facingher，hesaidspeakingdeliberately:
`Whatdoyoutrymypatiencefor？’lookingasthoughhemighthavesaidmuchmore，butwasrestraininghimself。`Ithaslimits。’
`Whatdoyoumeanbythat？’shecried，lookingwithterrorattheundisguisedhatredinhiswholeface，andespeciallyinhiscruel，sinistereyes。
`Imeantosay……’hewasbeginning，buthecheckedhimself。`I
mustaskwhatitisyouwantofme？’
`WhatIcanwant？AllIcanwantisthatyoushouldnotdesertme，asyouthinkofdoing，’shesaid，understandingallhehadnotuttered。
`ButthatIdon’twant；that’ssecondary。Iwantlove，andthereisnone。
Sothen，allisatanend。’
Sheturnedtowardthedoor。
`Stop！sto-op！’saidVronsky，withnochangeinthegloomylinesofhisbrows，thoughheheldherbythehand。`Whatisitallabout？I
saidthatwemustputoffgoingforthreedays，andonthatyoutoldmeIwaslying，thatIwasnotanhonorableman。’
`Yes，andIrepeatthatthemanwhoreproachesmewithhavingsacrificedeverythingforme，’shesaid，recallingthewordsofastillearlierquarrel，`isworsethanadishonorableman-he’saheartlessman。’
`Oh，therearelimitstoendurance！’hecried，andhastilyletgoherhand。
`Hehatesme，that’sclear，’shethought，andinsilence，withoutlookinground，shewalkedwithfalteringstepsoutoftheroom。`Helovesanotherwoman，that’sevenclearer，’shesaidtoherselfasshewentintoherownroom。`Iwantlove，andthereisnone。So，then，allisatanend，’
sherepeatedthewordsshehadsaid，`anditmustbeputtoanend。’
`Buthow？’sheaskedherself，andshesatdowninalowchairbeforethelookingglass。
Thoughtsofwhereshewouldgonow，whethertotheauntwhohadbroughtherup，toDolly，orsimplyalone，abroad，andofwhathewasdoingnowaloneinhisstudy；whetherthiswasthefinalquarrel，orwhetherreconciliationwerestillpossible；andofwhatallheroldfriendsatPeterburgwouldsayofhernow；andofhowAlexeiAlexandrovichwouldlookatit，andmanyotherideasofwhatwouldhappennowaftertherupture，cameintoherhead；butshedidnotgiveherselfuptothemwithallherheart。Atthebottomofherheartwassomeobscureideathataloneinterestedher，butshecouldnotgetclearsightofit。ThinkingoncemoreofAlexeiAlexandrovich，sherecalledthetimeofherillnessafterherconfinement，andthefeelingwhichneverleftheratthattime。`Whydidn’tIdie？’
sherecalledthewordsandthefeelingofthattime。Andallatoncesheknewwhatwasinhersoul。Yes，itwasthatideawhichalonesolvedall。
`Yes，todie！……’
`AndtheshameanddisgraceofAlexeiAlexandrovichandofSeriozha，andmyawfulshame-deathwillbethesalvationofeverything。Todie！
Andhewillfeelremorse；willbesorry；willloveme；hewillsufferonmyaccount。’Withafixedsmileofcommiserationforherselfshesatdowninthearmchair，takingoffandputtingontheringsonherlefthand，vividlypicturingfromdifferentsideshisfeelingsafterherdeath。
Approachingfootsteps-hissteps-distractedherattention。
Asthoughabsorbedinthearrangementofherrings，shedidnoteventurntohim。
Hewentuptoher，andtakingherbythehand，saidsoftly:
`Anna，we’llgothedayaftertomorrow，ifyoulike。Iagreetoeverything。’
Shedidnotspeak。
`Whatisit？’heurged。
`Youknow，’shesaid，andatthesameinstant，unabletorestrainherselfanylonger，sheburstintosobs。
`Castmeoff-do！’-shearticulatedbetweenhersobs。`I’llgoawaytomorrow……I’lldomorethanthat。WhatamI？Adepravedwoman！
Astoneroundyourneck。Idon’twanttomakeyouwretched；Idon’twantto！I’llsetyoufree。Youdon’tloveme；youlovesomeoneelse！’
Vronskybesoughthertobecalm，anddeclaredthattherewasnotraceoffoundationforherjealousy；thathehadneverceased，andneverwouldcease，toloveher；thathelovedhermorethanever。
`Anna，whydistressyourselfandmeso？’hesaidtoher，kissingherhands。Therewastendernessnowinhisface，andshefanciedshecaughtthesoundoftearsinhisvoice，andshefeltthemwetonherhand。AndinstantlyAnna’sdespairingjealousychangedtoadespairingpassionoftenderness。Sheputherarmsroundhim，andcoveredwithkisseshishead，hisneck，hishands。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]
TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart7，Chapter25[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter25Feelingthatthereconciliationwascomplete，Annaseteagerlytoworkinthemorningpreparingfortheirdeparture。ThoughitwasnotsettledwhethertheyshouldgoonMondayorTuesday，astheyhadeachgivenwaytotheother，Annapackedbusily，feelingabsolutelyindifferentwhethertheywentadayearlierorlater。Shewasstandinginherroomoveranopenbox，takingthingsoutofit，whenhecameintoseeherearlierthanusual，dressedtogoout。
`I’mgoingoffatoncetoseemaman；shecansendmethemoneybyIegorov。AndIshallbereadytogotomorrow，’hesaid。
Thoughshewasinsuchagoodmood，thementionofhisvisittohismother’sgaveherapang。
`No，Ishan’tbereadybythenmyself，’shesaid；andatoncereflected，`sothenitwaspossibletoarrangetodoasIwished。’-`No，doasyoumeanttodo。Gointothediningroom，I’mcomingdirectly。It’sonlytoturnoutthosethingsthataren’twanted，’shesaid，puttingsomethingmoreontheheapoffripperythatlayinAnnushka’sarms。
Vronskywaseatinghisbeefsteakwhenshecameintothediningroom。
`Youwouldn’tbelievehowdistastefultheseroomshavebecometome，’shesaid，sittingdownbesidehimtohercoffee。`There’snothingmoreawfulthanthesechambresgarnies。There’snoindividualityinthem，nosoul。Theseclocks，andcurtains，and，worstofall，thewallpapers-they’reanightmare。IthinkofVozdvizhenskoeasthepromisedland。
You’renotsendingthehorsesoffyet？’
`No，theywillcomeafterus。Whereareyougoingto？’
`IwantedtogotoWilson’stotakesomedressestoher。Soit’sreallytobetomorrow？’shesaidinacheerfulvoice；butsuddenlyherfacechanged。
Vronsky’svaletcameintoaskhimtosignareceiptforatelegramfromPeterburg。TherewasnothingoutofthewayinVronsky’sgettingatelegram，buthesaid，asthoughanxioustoconcealsomethingfromher，thatthereceiptwasinhisstudy，andheturnedhurriedlytoher。
`Bytomorrow，withoutfail，Iwillfinishitall。’
`Fromwhomisthetelegram？’sheasked，nothearinghim。
`FromStiva，’heansweredreluctantly。
`Whydidn’tyoushowittome？WhatsecretcantherebebetweenStivaandme？’
Vronskycalledthevaletback，andtoldhimtobringthetelegram。
`Ididn’twanttoshowittoyou，becauseStivahassuchapassionfortelegraphing:whytelegraphwhennothingissettled？’
`Aboutthedivorce？’
`Yes；buthesayshehasnotbeenabletocomeatanythingyet。
Hehaspromisedadecisiveanswerinadayortwo。Buthereitis；readit。’
WithtremblinghandsAnnatookthetelegram，andreadwhatVronskyhadtoldher。Attheendwasadded:`littlehope；butIwilldoeverythingpossibleandimpossible。’
`Isaidyesterdaythatit’sabsolutelynothingtomewhenIgetadivorce，orwhetherInevergetit，’shesaid，flushingcrimson。`Therewasnottheslightestnecessitytohideitfromme。’-`Sohemayhide，anddoeshide，hiscorrespondencewithwomenfromme，’shethought。
`IashvinmeanttocomethismorningwithVoitov，’saidVronsky；
`Ibelievehe’swonfromPievtsovallandmorethanhecanpay-aboutsixtythousand。’
`No，’shesaid，furtherirritatedbyhissoobviouslyshowingbythischangeofsubjectthatheknewshewasirritated，`whydidyousupposethatthisnewswouldaffectmeso，thatyoumusteventrytohideit？IsaidIdon’twanttoconsiderit，andIshouldhavelikedyoutocareaslittleaboutitasIdo。’
`IcareaboutitbecauseIlikedefiniteness，’hesaid。
`Definitenessisnotintheform，butinlove，’shesaid，moreandmoreirritated，notbyhiswords，butbythetoneofcoolcomposureinwhichhespoke。`Whatdoyouwantitfor？’
`MyGod！Loveagain，’hethought，frowning。
`Oh，youknowwhatfor；foryoursakeandyourchildren’sinthefuture。’
`Therewon’tbeanychildreninthefuture。’
`That’sagreatpity，’hesaid。
`Youwantitforthechildren’ssake，butyoudon’tthinkofme？’
shesaid，quiteforgetting，ornothavingheardthathehadsaid，`Foryoursakeandthechildren’s。’
Thequestionofthepossibilityofhavingchildrenhadlongbeenasubjectofdisputeandirritationtoher。Hisdesiretohavechildrensheinterpretedasaproofhedidnotprizeherbeauty。
`Oh，Isaid:foryoursake。Aboveallforyoursake，’herepeated，frowningasthoughinpain，`becauseIamcertainthatthegreaterpartofyourirritabilitycomesfromtheindefinitenessoftheposition。’
`Yes，nowhehaslaidasideallpretense，andallhiscoldhatredformeisapparent，’shethought，nothearinghiswords，butwatchingwithterrorthecold，crueljudgewho，mockingher，lookedoutofhiseyes。
`Thecauseisn’tthat，’shesaid，`and，indeed，Idon’tseehowthecauseofmyirritability，asyoucallit，canbeinmybeingcompletelyinyourpower。Whatindefinitenessisthereintheposition？Onthecontrary。’
`Iamverysorrythatyoudon’tcaretounderstand，’heinterrupted，obstinatelyanxioustogiveutterancetohisthought。`TheindefinitenessconsistsinyourimaginingthatIamfree。’
`Onthatscoreyoucansetyourmindquiteatrest，’shesaid，andturningawayfromhim，shebegandrinkinghercoffee。
Sheliftedhercup，withherlittlefingerheldapart，andputittoherlips。Afterdrinkingafewsipssheglancedathim，andbyhisexpressionshesawclearlythathewasrepelledbyherhand，andhergesture，andthesoundmadebyherlips。
`Idon’tcareintheleastwhatyourmotherthinks，andwhatmatchshewantstomakeforyou，’shesaid，puttingthecupdownwithashakinghand。
`Butwearenottalkingaboutthat。’
`Yes，that’sjustwhatwearetalkingabout。Andletmetellyouthataheartlesswoman，whethershe’soldornotold，yourmotheroranyoneelse，isofnoconsequencetome，andIwouldnotconsenttoknowher。’
`Anna，Ibegyounottospeakdisrespectfullyofmymother。’
`Awomanwhoseheartdoesnottellherwhereherson’shappinessandhonorliehasnoheart。’
`Irepeatmyrequestthatyouwillnotspeakdisrespectfullyofmymother，whomIrespect，’hesaid，raisinghisvoiceandlookingsternlyather。
Shedidnotanswer。Lookingintentlyathim，athisface，hishands，sherecalledallthedetailsoftheirreconciliationthepreviousday，andhispassionatecaresses。`There，justsuchcaresseshehaslavished，andwilllavish，andlongstolavishonotherwomen！’shethought。
`Youdon’tloveyourmother。That’salltalk，andtalk，andtalk！’
shesaid，lookingathimwithhatredinhereyes。
`Evenifso，youmust……’
`Mustdecide，andIhavedecided，’shesaid，andshewouldhavegoneaway，butatthatmomentIashvinwalkedintotheroom。Annagreetedhimandremained。
Why，whentherewasatempestinhersoul，andshefeltshewasstandingataturningpointinherlife，whichmighthavefearfulconsequences-why，atthatminute，shehadtokeepupappearancesbeforeanoutsider，whosoonerorlatermustknowitall-shedidnotknow。Butatoncequellingthestormwithinher，shesatdownandbegantalkingtotheirguest。
`Well，howareyougettingon？Hasyourdebtbeenpaidyou？’sheaskedIashvin。
`Oh，prettyfair；IfancyIshan’tgetitall，whileIoughttogoonWednesday。Andwhenareyouoff？’saidIashvin，lookingatVronsky，andunmistakablysurmisingaquarrel。
`Thedayaftertomorrow，Ithink，’saidVronsky。
`You’vebeenintendingtogosolong，though。’
`Butnowit’squitedecided，’saidAnna，lookingVronskystraightinthefacewithalookwhichtoldhimnottodreamofthepossibilityofreconciliation。
`Don’tyoufeelsorryforthatunluckyPievtsov？’shewenton，talkingtoIashvin。
`I’veneveraskedmyselfthequestion，AnnaArkadyevna，whetherI’msorryforhimornot。Yousee，allmyfortune’shere’-hetouchedhisbreastpocket-`andjustnowI’mawealthyman。ButtodayI’mgoingtotheclub，andImaycomeoutabeggar。Yousee，whoeversitsdowntoplaywithmewantstoleavemewithoutashirttomyback，andIwishthesametohim。Andsowefightitout，andthat’sthepleasureofit。’
`Well，butsupposeyouweremarried，’saidAnna，`howwoulditbeforyourwife？’
Iashvinlaughed。
`That’stoallappearancewhyI’mnotmarried，andnevermeantobe。’
`AndHelsingfors？’saidVronsky，enteringintotheconversationandglancingatAnna’ssmilingface。Meetinghiseyes，Anna’sfaceinstantlytookacoldlysevereexpressionasthoughsheweresayingtohim:`It’snotforgotten。It’sallthesame。’
`Wereyoureallyinlove？’shesaidtoIashvin。
`Ohheavens！Eversomanytimes！But，yousee，somemencanplay，butonlysothattheycanalwayslaydowntheircardswhenthehourofarendez-vouscomes，whileIcantakeuplove，butonlysoasnottobelateformycardsintheevening。That’showImanagethings。’
`No，Ididn’tmeanthat，buttherealthing。’ShewouldhavesaidHelsingfors，butwouldnotrepeatthewordusedbyVronsky。
Voitov，whowasbuyingthehorse，camein。Annagotupandwentoutoftheroom。
Beforeleavingthehouse，Vronskywentintoherroom。Shewouldhavepretendedtobelookingforsomethingonthetable，butashamedofmakingapretense，shelookedstraightinhisfacewithcoldeyes。
`Whatdoyouwant？’sheaskedinFrench。
`TogettheguaranteeforGambetta-I’vesoldhim，’hesaid，inatonewhichsaidmoreclearlythanwords，`I’venotimefordiscussingthings，anditwouldleadtonothing。’
`I’mnottoblameinanyway，’hethought。`Ifshewillpunishherself，tantpispourelle。’Butashewasgoinghefanciedthatshesaidsomething，andhisheartsuddenlyachedwithpityforher。
`Eh，Anna？’hequeried。
`Isaidnothing，’sheansweredjustascoldlyandcalmly。
`Oh，nothing，tantpisthen，’hethought，feelingcoldagain，andheturnedandwentout。Ashewasgoingouthecaughtaglimpseinthelookingglassofherface，white，withquiveringlips。Heevenwantedtostopandtosaysomecomfortingwordtoher，buthislegscarriedhimoutoftheroombeforehecouldthinkwhattosay。Thewholeofthatdayhespentawayfromhome，andwhenhecameinlateintheeveningthemaidtoldhimthatAnnaArkadyevnahadaheadacheandbeggedhimnottogointoher。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]
TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart7，Chapter26[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter26Neverbeforehadadaybeenpassedinquarrel。Todaywasthefirsttime。
Andthiswasnotaquarrel。Itwastheopenacknowledgmentofcompletecoldness。Wasitpossibletoglanceatherashehadglancedwhenhecameintotheroomfortheguarantee？-tolookather，seeherheartwasbreakingwithdespair，andgooutwithoutawordwiththatfaceofcallouscomposure？
Hewasnotmerelycoldtoher，hehatedherbecausehelovedanotherwoman-thatwasclear。
Andrememberingallthecruelwordshehadsaid，Annasupplied，too，thewordsthathehadunmistakablywishedtosayandcouldhavesaidtoher，andshegrewmoreandmoreexasperated。
`Iwon’tpreventyou，’hemightsay。`Youcangowhereyoulike。
Youwereunwillingtobedivorcedfromyourhusband，nodoubtsothatyoumightgobacktohim。Gobacktohim。Ifyouwantmoney，I’llgiveittoyou。Howmanyroublesdoyouwant？’
Allthemostcruelwordsthatabrutalmancouldsay，hesaidtoherinherimagination，andshecouldnotforgivehimforthem，asthoughhehadactuallysaidthem。
`Butdidn’theonlyyesterdayswearhelovedme，he，atruthfulandsincereman？Haven’tIdespairedfornothingmanytimesalready？’shesaidtoherselfrightafterthis。
Allthatday，exceptforthevisittoWilson’s，whichoccupiedtwohours，Annaspentindoubtswhethereverythingwereoverorwhethertherewerestillhopeofreconciliation；whethersheshouldgoawayatonceorseehimoncemore。Shewasexpectinghimthewholeday，andintheevening，asshewenttoherownroom，leavingamessageforhimthatherheadached，shesaidtoherself，`Ifhecomesinspiteofwhatthemaidsays，itmeansthathelovesmestill。Ifnot，itmeansthatallisover，andthenIwilldecidewhatIamtodo！……’
Intheeveningsheheardtherumblingofhiscarriagestopattheentrance，hisring，hissteps，andhisconversationwiththeservant；
hebelievedwhatwastoldhim，didnotcaretofindoutmore，andwenttohisownroom。Sothen，everythingwasatanend。
Anddeathroseclearlyandvividlybeforehermindasthesolemeansofbringingbackloveforherinhisheart，ofpunishinghimandofgainingthevictoryinthatstrifewhichtheevilspiritinpossessionofherheartwaswagingwithhim。
Nownothingmattered:goingornotgoingtoVozdvizhenskoe，gettingornotgettingadivorcefromherhusband-allthatdidnotmatter。Theonethingthatmatteredwaspunishinghim。
Whenshepouredherselfoutherusualdoseofopium，andthoughtthatshehadonlytodrinkoffthewholebottletodie，itseemedtohersosimpleandeasy，thatshebeganmusingwithenjoymentonhowhewouldsuffer，andrepent，andlovehermemorywhenitwouldbetoolate。Shelayinbedwithopeneyes，bythelightofasinglegutteringcandle，gazingatthecarvedcorniceoftheceilingandattheshadowofthescreenthatcoveredpartofit，whileshevividlypicturedtoherselfhowhewouldfeelwhenshewouldbenomore，whenshewouldbeonlyamemorytohim。
`HowcouldIsaysuchcruelthingstoher？’hewouldsay。`HowcouldI
gooutoftheroomwithoutsayinganythingtoher？Butnowsheisnomore。
Shehasgoneawayfromusforever。Sheis……’Suddenlytheshadowofthescreenwavered，pouncedonthewholecornice，thewholeceiling；othershadowsfromtheothersideswoopedtomeetit；foraninstanttheshadowsflittedback，butthenwithfreshswiftnesstheydartedforward，wavered，mingled，andallwasdarkness。`Death！’shethought。Andsuchhorrorcameuponherthatforalongwhileshecouldnotrealizewhereshewas，andforalongwhilehertremblinghandscouldnotfindthematchesandlightanothercandle，insteadoftheonethathadburneddownandgoneout。`No，anything-onlytolive！Why，Ilovehim！Why，helovesme！Thishasbeenbeforeandwillpass，’shesaid，feelingthattearsofjoyatthereturntolifeweretricklingdownhercheeks。Andtoescapefromherpanicshewenthurriedlytohisroom。
Hewasasleepthere，andsleepingsoundly。Shewentuptohim，andholdingthelightabovehisface，shegazedalongwhileathim。Nowwhenhewasasleep，shelovedhimsothatatthesightofhimshecouldnotkeepbacktearsoftenderness。Butsheknewthatifhewakeduphewouldlookatherwithcoldeyes，convincedthathewasright，andthatbeforetellinghimofherlove，shewouldhavetoprovetohimthathehadbeenwronginhistreatmentofher。Withoutwakinghim，shewentback，andafteraseconddoseofopiumshefelltowardmorningintoaheavy，incompletesleep，duringwhichsheneverquitelostconsciousness。
Inthemorningshewaswakedbyahorriblenightmare，whichhadrecurredseveraltimesinherdreams，evenbeforeherconnectionwithVronsky。
Alittleoldmanwithunkemptbeardwasdoingsomething，stoopingoversomeiron，mutteringmeaninglessFrenchwords，andshe，asshealwaysdidinthisnightmareitwaswhatmadethehorrorofit，feltthatthispeasantwastakingnonoticeofher，butwasdoingsomethinghorriblewiththeiron-overher。Andshewakedupinacoldsweat。
Whenshegotup，thepreviousdaycamebacktoherasthoughveiledinmist。
`Therewasaquarrel。Justwhathashappenedseveraltimes。I
saidIhadaheadache，andhedidnotcomeintoseeme。Tomorrowwe’regoingaway；Imustseehimandgetreadyforthejourney，’shesaidtoherself。Andlearningthathewasinhisstudy，shewentdowntohim。Asshepassedthroughthedrawingroomsheheardacarriagestopattheentrance，andlookingoutofthewindowshesawthecarriage，fromwhichayounggirlinalilachatwasleaningout，givingsomedirectiontothefootmanwhowasringingthebell。Afteraparleyinthehall，someonecameupstairs，andVronsky’sstepscouldbeheardpassingthedrawingroom。Hewentrapidlydownstairs。Annawentagaintothewindow。Shesawhimcomeoutonthestepswithouthishatandgouptothecarriage。Theyounggirlinthelilachathandedhimaparcel。Vronsky，smiling，saidsomethingtoher。
Thecarriagedroveaway；heranrapidlyupstairsagain。
Themiststhathadshroudedeverythinginhersoulpartedsuddenly。
Thefeelingsofyesterdaypiercedthesickheartwithafreshpang。Shecouldnotunderstandnowhowshecouldhaveloweredherselfbyspendingawholedaywithhiminhishouse。Shewentintohisroomtoannounceherdetermination。
`ThatwasMadameSorokinaandherdaughter。Theycameandbroughtmethemoneyandthedeedsfrommaman。Icouldn’tgetthemyesterday。Howisyourhead，better？’hesaidquietly，notwishingtoseeandtounderstandthegloomyandsolemnexpressionofherface。
Shelookedsilently，intentlyathim，standinginthemiddleoftheroom。Heglancedather，frownedforamoment，andwentonreadingaletter。Sheturned，andwentdeliberatelyoutoftheroom。Hestillmighthaveturnedherback，butshehadreachedthedoor，hewasstillsilent，andtheonlysoundaudiblewastherustlingofthenotepaperasheturnedit。
`Oh，bytheway，’hesaidattheverymomentshewasinthedoorway，`we’regoingtomorrowforcertain，aren’twe？’
`You，butnotI，’shesaid，turningroundtohim。
`Anna，wecan’tgoonlikethis……’
`You，butnotI，’sherepeated。
`Thisisgettingunbearable！’
`You……Youwillbesorryforthis，’shesaid，andwentout。
Frightenedbythedesperateexpressionwithwhichthesewordswereuttered，hejumpedupandwouldhaverunafterher，butonsecondthoughtshesatdownandscowled，settinghisteeth。Thisvulgar-ashethoughtit-threatofsomethingvagueexasperatedhim。`I’vetriedeverything，’
hethought；`theonlythingleftisnottopayattention，’andhebegantogetreadytodriveintotown，andagaintohismother’s，togethersignaturetothedeeds。
Sheheardthesoundofhisstepsaboutthestudyandthediningroom。Atthedrawingroomhestoodstill。Buthedidnotturnintoseeher；hemerelygaveanorderthatthehorseshouldbegiventoVoitovifhecamewhilehewasaway。Thensheheardthecarriagebroughtround，thedooropened，andhecameoutagain。Buthewentbackintotheporchagain，andsomeonewasrunningupstairs。Itwasthevaletrunningupforhisforgottengloves。Shewenttothewindowandsawhimtakethegloveswithoutlooking，and，touchingthecoachmanontheback，hesaidsomethingtohim。Then，withoutlookingupatthewindow，hesettledhimselfinhisusualattitudeinthecarriage，withhislegscrossed，and，drawingonhisgloves，hevanishedroundthecorner。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]
TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart7，Chapter27[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter27`Hehasgone！Itistheend！’Annasaidtoherself，standingatthewindow；
andinanswertothisquestiontheimpressionofthedarknesswhenthecandlehadflickeredoutandofherfearfuldream，minglingintoone，filledherheartwithcoldterror。
`No，thatcannotbe！’shecried，andcrossingtheroomsherangthebell。Shewasafraidnowofbeingalone，that，withoutwaitingfortheservanttocomein，shewentouttomeethim。
`InquirewheretheCounthasgone，’shesaid。
TheservantansweredthattheCounthadgonetothestable。
`HisHonorleftwordthatifyoucaredtodriveout，thecarriagewouldbebackimmediately。’
`Verygood。Waitaminute。I’llwriteanoteatonce。SendMikhailwiththenotetothestables。Makehaste。’
Shesatdownandwrote:
`Iwaswrong。Comebackhome；Imustexplain。ForGod’ssakecome！
I’mafraid。’
Shesealeditupandgaveittotheservant。
Shewasafraidofbeingleftalonenow；shefollowedtheservantoutoftheroom，andwenttothenursery。
`Why，thisisn’tit-thisisn’the！Wherearehisblueeyes，hissweet，shysmile？’washerfirstthoughtwhenshesawherchubby，rosylittlegirl，withherblack，curlyhair，insteadofSeriozha，whominthetangleofherideasshehadexpectedtoseeinthenursery。Thelittlegirlsittingatthetablewasobstinatelyandviolentlybatteringonitwithacork，andstaringaimlesslyathermotherwithherpitch-blackeyes。
AnsweringtheEnglishnursethatshewasquitewell，andthatshewasgoingtothecountrytomorrow，Annasatdownbythelittlegirlandbeganspinningthecorktoshowher。Butthechild’sloud，ringinglaugh，andthemotionofhereyebrows，recalledVronskysovividlythatshegotuphurriedly，restraininghersobs，andwentaway。`Canitbeallover？No，itcannotbe！’shethought。`Hewillcomeback。Buthowcanheexplainthatsmile，thatexcitementafterhehadbeentalkingtoher？Butevenifhedoesn’texplain，Iwillbelieve。IfIdon’tbelieve，there’sonlyonethingleftforme……andIcan’tdoit。’
Shelookedatherwatch。Twentyminuteshadpassed。`Bynowhehasreceivedthenoteandiscomingback。Notlong，tenminutesmore……
Butwhatifhedoesn’tcome？No，thatcannotbe。Hemustn’tseemewithtear-stainedeyes。I’llgoandwash。Yes，yes；didIdomyhairornot？’
sheaskedherself。Andshecouldnotremember。Shefeltherheadwithherhand。`Yes，myhairhasbeendone，butwhenIdiditIcan’tintheleastremember。’Shecouldnotbelievetheevidenceofherhand，andwentuptothepierglasstoseewhethershereallyhaddoneherhair。Shecertainlyhad，butshecouldnotthinkwhenshehaddoneit。`Who’sthat？’shethought，lookinginthelookingglassattheswollenfacewithstrangelyglitteringeyes，thatlookedinascaredwayather。`Why，it’sI！’shesuddenlyunderstood，and，lookinground，sheseemedallatoncetofeelhiskissesonher，andtwitchedhershoulders，shuddering。Thensheliftedherhandtoherlipsandkissedit。
`Whatisit？Why，I’mgoingoutofmymind！’Andshewentintoherbedroom，whereAnnushkawastidyingtheroom。
`Annushka，’shesaid，comingtoastandstillbeforeher，andshestaredatthemaid，notknowingwhattosaytoher。
`YoumeanttogoandseeDaryaAlexandrovna，’saidthemaid，asthoughsheunderstood。
`DaryaAlexandrovna？Yes，I’llgo。’
`Fifteenminutesthere，fifteenminutesback。He’scoming，he’llbeheresoon。’Shetookoutherwatchandlookedatit。`Buthowcouldhegoaway，leavingmeinsuchastate？Howcanhelive，withoutmakingitupwithme？’Shewenttothewindowandbeganlookingintothestreet。
Judgingbythetime，hemightbebacknow。Buthercalculationsmightbewrong，andshebeganoncemoretorecallwhenhehadstartedandtocounttheminutes。
Atthemomentwhenshehadmovedawaytothebigclocktocompareitwithherwatch，someonedroveup。Glancingoutofthewindow，shesawhiscarriage。Butnoonecameupstairs，andvoicescouldbeheardbelow。
Itwasthemessengerwhohadcomebackinthecarriage。Shewentdowntohim。
`Wedidn’tcatchtheCount。TheCounthaddrivenoffontheNizhny-Novgorodline。’
`Whatdoyousay？What！……’shesaidtotherosy，good-humoredMikhail，ashehandedherbackhernote。
`Why，then，hehasneverreceivedit！’shethought。
`GowiththisnotetoCountessVronsky’splaceinthecountry-doyouknowwhereitis？Andbringananswerbackimmediately，’shesaidtothemessenger。
`AndI-whatamIgoingtodo？’shethought。`Yes，I’mgoingtoDolly’s-that’sbest，orelseIshallgooutofmymind。Yes，andI
cantelegraph，too。’Andshewroteatelegram:
`Iabsolutelymusttalktoyou；comeatonce。’
Aftersendingoffthetelegram，shewenttodress。Whenshewasdressedandinherhat，sheglancedagainintotheeyesoftheplump，comfortable-lookingAnnushka。Therewasunmistakablesympathyinthosegood-naturedlittlegrayeyes。
`Annushka，dear，whatamItodo？’saidAnna，sobbingandsinkinghelplesslyintoachair。
`Whyfretyourselfso，AnnaArkadyevna？Why，there’snothingoutoftheway。Youdriveoutalittle，andit’llcheeryouup，’saidthemaid。
`Yes，I’mgoing，’saidAnna，rousingherselfandgettingup。`Andifthere’satelegramwhileI’maway，senditontoDaryaAlexandrovna’s……
Butno，Ishallbebackmyself。’
`Yes，Imustn’tthink；Imustdosomething，drivesomewhere，and，mostofall，getoutofthishouse，’shesaid，feelingwithterrorthestrangeturmoilgoingoninherownheart，andshemadehastetogoout，andgetintothecarriage。
`Whereto？’askedPiotrbeforegettingonthebox。
`TheZnamenka-theOblonskys’。’
[NextChapter][TableofContents]
TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart7，Chapter28[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter28Itwasbrightandsunny。Afinerainhadbeenfallingallthemorning，andnowithadnotlongclearedup。Theironroofs，theflagsofthesidewalks，thecobblesofthepavements，thewheelsandleather，thebrassandthetinplateofthecarriages-allglistenedbrightlyintheMaysunshine。
Itwasthreeo’clock，andtheveryliveliesttimeinthestreets。
Asshesatinacornerofthecomfortablecarriagethathardlyswayedonitssupplesprings，whilethegraystrottedswiftly，inthemidstoftheunceasingrattleofwheelsandthechangingimpressionsinthepureair，Annaranovertheeventsofthelastdays，andshesawherpositionquitedifferentlyfromwhatithadseemedathome。Nowthethoughtofdeathseemednolongersoterribleandsocleartoher，anddeathitselfnolongerseemedsoinevitable。Nowsheblamedherselfforthehumiliationtowhichshehadloweredherself。`Ientreathimtoforgiveme。Ihavegivenintohim。Ihaveownedmyselfinfault。Whatfor？Can’tIlivewithouthim？’
Andleavingunansweredthequestionhowshewasgoingtolivewithouthim，shefelltoreadingthesignsontheshops。`Officeandwarehouse。Dentalsurgeon。Yes，I’lltellDollyallaboutit。Shedoesn’tlikeVronsky。I
shallbesickandashamed，butI’lltellhereverything。Shelovesme，andI’llfollowheradvice。Iwon’tgiveintohim；Iwon’tlethimtrainmeashepleases。Filippov，``Kalaches。’TheysayhesendshisdoughtoPeterburg。TheMoscowwaterissogoodforit。AndthewellsatMitishchy，andthepancakes。’Andsherememberedhow，long，longago，whenshewasagirlofseventeen，shehadgonewithheraunttoTroitsa。`Byhorsesatthattime。Wasthatreallyme，withredhands？Howmuchofthatwhichseemedtomethensplendidandoutofreachhasbecomeworthless，whilewhatIhadthenhasgoneoutofmyreachforever！CouldIeverhavebelievedthenthatIcouldcometosuchhumiliation？Howproudandsatisfiedhewillbewhenhegetsmynote！ButIwillshowhim……Howhorridthatpaintsmells！Whyisitthey’realwayspaintingandbuilding？Modesetrobes！’
sheread。Amanbowedtoher。ItwasAnnushka’shusband。`Ourparasites，’-
sherememberedhowVronskyhadsaidthat。`Our？Whyour？What’ssoawfulisthatonecan’ttearupthepastbyitsroots。Onecan’ttearitout，butonecanhideone’smemoryofit。AndI’llhideit。’AndthenshethoughtofherpastwithAlexeiAlexandrovich，ofhowshehadblotteditoutofhermemory。`DollywillthinkI’mleavingmysecondhusband，andsoIcertainlymustbeinthewrong。AsifIcaredtoberight！Ican’thelpit！’shesaid，andshewantedtocry。Butatonceshefelltowonderingwhatthosetwogirlscouldbesmilingabout。`Love，mostlikely。Theydon’tknowhowdrearyitis，howlow……Theboulevardandthechildren。Threeboysrunning，playingathorses。Seriozha！AndI’mlosingeverythingandnotgettinghimback。Yes，I’mlosingeverything，ifhedoesn’treturn。Perhapshewaslateforthetrainandhascomebackbynow。Longingforhumiliationagain！’shesaidtoherself。`No，I’llgotoDolly，andsaystraightouttoher:I’munhappy，Ideservethis，I’mtoblame，butstillI’munhappy，helpme。Thesehorses，thiscarriage-howloathsomeIamtomyselfinthiscarriage-allhis；butIwon’tseethemagain。’
ThinkingoverthewordsinwhichshewouldtellDolly，andintentionallyworkingherheartuptogreatbitterness，Annawentupstairs。
`Isthereanyonewithher？’sheaskedinthehall。
`KaterinaAlexandrovnaLevina，’answeredthefootman。
`Kitty！Kitty，whomVronskywasinlovewith！’thoughtAnna。`Thegirlhethinksofwithlove。He’ssorryhedidn’tmarryher。Butmehethinksofwithhatred，andissorryhehadanythingtodowithme。’
ThesisterswerehavingaconsultationaboutnursingwhenAnnacalled。Dollywentdownalonetoseethevisitorwhohadinterruptedtheirconversation。
`Well，soyou’venotgoneawayyet？Imeanttohavecometoyou，’
shesaid；`IhadaletterfromStivatoday。’
`Wehadatelegramtoo，’answeredAnna，lookingroundforKitty。
`Hewritesthathecan’tmakeoutquitewhatAlexeiAlexandrovichwants，buthewon’tgoawaywithoutadecisiveanswer。’
`Ithoughtyouhadsomeonewithyou。CanIseetheletter？’
`Yes-it’sKitty，’saidDolly，embarrassed。`Shestayedinthenursery。Shehasbeenveryill。’
`SoIheard。MayIseetheletter？’
`I’llgetitdirectly。Buthedoesn’trefuse；onthecontrary，Stivahashopes，’saidDolly，stoppinginthedoorway。
`Ihaven’t，andindeedIdon’twishit，’saidAnna。
`What’sthis？DoesKittyconsideritdegradingtomeetme？’thoughtAnnawhenshewasalone。`Perhapsshe’sright，too。Butit’snotforher，thegirlwhowasinlovewithVronsky，it’snotforhertoshowmethat，evenifitistrue。IknowthatinmypositionIcan’tbereceivedbyanydecentwoman。IknewthatfromthefirstmomentIsacrificedeverythingtohim。Andthisismyreward！Oh，howIhatehim！AndwhatdidIcomeherefor？I’mworsehere，moremiserable。’Sheheardfromthenextroomthesisters’voicesinconsultation。`AndwhatamIgoingtosaytoDollynow？AmuseKittybythesightofmywretchedness，submittoherpatronizing？
No；andbesides，Dollywouldn’tunderstand。Anditwouldbenogoodmytellingher。ItwouldonlybeinterestingtoseeKitty，toshowherhowIdespiseeveryoneandeverything，hownothingmatterstomenow。’
Dollycameinwiththeletter。Annareaditandhandeditbackinsilence。
`Iknewallthat，’shesaid，`anditdoesn’tinterestmeintheleast。’
`Oh，whyso？Onthecontrary，Ihavehopes，’saidDolly，lookinginquisitivelyatAnna。Shehadneverseenherinsuchastrangelyirritablecondition。`Whenareyougoingaway？’sheasked。
Anna，half-closinghereyes，lookedstraightbeforeheranddidnotanswer。
`WhydoesKittyshrinkfromme？’shesaid，lookingatthedoorandflushingred。
`Oh，whatnonsense！She’snursing，andthingsaren’tgoingrightwithher，andI’vebeenadvisingher……She’sdelighted。She’llbehereinaminute，’saidDollyawkwardly，notcleveratlying。`Yes，heresheis。’
HearingthatAnnahadcalled，Kittyhadwantednottoappear，butDollypersuadedher。Rallyingherforces，Kittywentin，walkeduptoher，blushing，andshookhands。
`Iamsogladtoseeyou，’shesaidwithatremblingvoice。
Kittyhadbeenthrownintoconfusionbytheinwardconflictbetweenherantagonismtothisbadwomanandherdesiretobekindtoher。ButassoonasshesawAnna’slovelyandattractiveface，allfeelingofantagonismdisappeared。
`Ishouldnothavebeensurprisedifyouhadnotcaredtomeetme。I’musedtoeverything。Youhavebeenill？Yes，youarechanged，’saidAnna。
KittyfeltthatAnnawaslookingatherwithhostileeyes。SheascribedthishostilitytotheawkwardpositioninwhichAnna，whohadoncepatronizedher，mustfeelwithhernow，andshefeltsorryforher。
TheytalkedofKitty’sillness，ofthebaby，ofStiva，butitwasobviousthatnothinginterestedAnna。
`Icametosaygood-bytoyou，’shesaid，gettingup。
`Oh，whenareyougoing？’
Butagainnotanswering，AnnaturnedtoKitty。
`Yes，Iamverygladtohaveseenyou，’shesaidwithasmile。
`Ihaveheardsomuchofyoufromeveryone，evenfromyourhusband。Hecametoseeme，andIlikedhimverymuch，’shesaid，unmistakablywithmaliciousintent。`Whereishe？’
`Hehasgonebacktothecountry，’saidKitty，blushing。
`Remembermetohim-besureyoudo。’
`I’llbesureto！’Kittysaidnaï；vely，lookingcompassionatelyintohereyes。
`Good-by，then，Dolly。’AndkissingDollyandshakinghandswithKitty，Annawentouthurriedly。
`She’sjustthesameandjustascharming！She’sverylovely！’
saidKitty，whenshewasalonewithhersister。`Butthere’ssomethingpiteousabouther。Awfullypiteous！’
`Yes，there’ssomethingunusualabouthertoday，’saidDolly。
`WhenIwentwithherintothehall，Ifanciedshewasalmostcrying。’
[NextChapter][TableofContents]
TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart7，Chapter29[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter29Annagotintothecarriageagaininanevenworseframeofmindthanwhenshesetoutfromhome。Toherprevioustortureswasaddednowthatsenseofmortificationandofbeinganoutcast，whichshehadfeltsodistinctlyonmeetingKitty。
`Whereto？Home？’askedPiotr。
`Yes，home，’shesaid，noteventhinkingnowwhereshewasgoing。
`Howtheylookedatmeassomethingdreadful，incomprehensible，andcurious！Whatcanhebetellingtheotherwithsuchwarmth？’shethought，staringattwomenwhowalkedby。`Canoneevertellanyonewhatoneisfeeling？ImeanttotellDolly，andit’sagoodthingIdidn’ttellher。
Howpleasedshewouldhavebeenatmymisery！Shewouldhaveconcealedit，butherchieffeelingwouldhavebeendelightatmybeingpunishedforthehappinesssheenviedmefor。Kitty-shewouldhavebeenevenmorepleased。HowIcanseethroughher！SheknowsIwasmorethanusuallykindtoherhusband。Andshe’sjealousandhatesme。Andshedespisesme。InhereyesI’manimmoralwoman。IfIwereanimmoralwomanIcouldhavemadeherhusbandfallinlovewithme……IfI’dcaredto。And，indeed，Ididcareto。There’ssomeonewho’spleasedwithhimself，’shethought，asshesawafat，rubicundgentlemancomingtowardher。Hetookherforanacquaintance，andliftedhisglossyhatabovehisbald，glossyhead，andthenperceivedhismistake。`Hethoughtheknewme。Well，heknowsmeaswellasanyoneintheworldknowsme。Idon’tknowmyself。Iknowmyappetites，astheFrenchsay。Theywantthathokey-pokey，thattheydoknowforcertain，’shethought，lookingattwoboysstoppinganice-creamseller，whotookabarreloffhisheadandbeganwipinghisperspiringfacewithatowel。`Weallwantwhatissweetandtastesgood。Iftherearenosweetmeats，thenahokey-pokeywilldo。AndKitty’sthesame-ifnotVronsky，thenLevin。Andsheenviesme。Andhatesme。Andweallhateeachother。IKitty-Kittyme。Yes，that’sthetruth。Tiutkin，coiffeur……
JemefaiscoifferparTiutkin……I’lltellhimthatwhenhecomes，’
shethoughtandsmiled。Butthesameinstantsherememberedthatshehadnoonenowtotellanythingamusingto。`Andthere’snothingamusing，nothingmirthful，really。It’sallhateful。Vesperbells-andhowcarefullythatmerchantcrosseshimself！Asifhewereafraidofmissingsomething。Whythesechurches，andthesebells，andthishumbug？Simplytoconcealthatweallhateeachotherlikethesecabdrivers，whoareabusingeachothersoangrily。Iashvinsays，``Hewantstostripmeofmyshirt，andIwishhimthesame。’Yes，that’sthetruth！’
Shewasplungedinthesethoughts，whichsoengrossedherthatsheleftoffthinkingofherownposition，whenthecarriagedrewupatthestepsofherhouse。Itwasonlywhenshesawtheporterrunningouttomeetherthatsherememberedshehadsentthenoteandthetelegram。
`Isthereanyanswer？’sheinquired。
`I’llseethisminute，’answeredtheporter，and，glancingintohisroom，hetookoutandgaveherthethinsquareenvelopeofatelegram。
`Ican’tcomebeforeteno’clock-Vronsky，’sheread。
`Andhasn’tthemessengercomeback？’
`No，’answeredtheporter。
`Then，sinceit’sso，IknowwhatImustdo，’shesaid，andfeelingavaguefuryandcravingforrevengerisingupwithinher，sheranupstairs。
`I’llgotohimmyself。Beforegoingawayforever，I’lltellhimall。NeverhaveIhatedanyoneasIhatethatman！’shethought。Seeinghishatontherack，sheshudderedwithaversion。Shedidnotconsiderthatthistelegramwasananswertohertelegramandthathehadnotyetreceivedhernote。
ShepicturedhimtoherselfastalkingcalmlytohismotherandPrincessSorokina，andrejoicingathersufferings。`Yes，Imustgoquickly，’shesaid，notknowingyetwhereshewasgoing。Shelongedtogetawayasquicklyaspossiblefromthefeelingsshehadgonethroughinthatawfulhouse。
Theservants，thewalls，thethingsinthathouse-allarousedrepulsionandhatredinherandlaylikeaweightuponher。
`Yes，Imustgototherailwaystation，andifhe’snotthere，thengothereandcatchhim。’Annalookedattherailwaytimetableinthenewspapers。Aneveningtrainwentattwominutespasteight。`Yes，Ishallbeintime。’Shegaveordersfortheotherhorsestobeputinthecarriage，andpackedinatravelingbagthethingsneededforafewdays。Sheknewshewouldnevercomebackhereagain。
AmongtheplansthatcameintoherheadshevaguelydeterminedthatafterwhatwouldhappenatthestationorattheCountess’shouse，shewouldgoasfarasthefirsttownontheNizhny-Novgorodrailwayandstopthere。
Dinnerwasonthetable；shewentup，butthesmellofthebreadandcheesewasenoughtomakeherfeelthatallfoodwasdisgusting。Sheorderedthecarriageandwentout。Thehousethrewashadownowrightacrossthestreet，butitwasabrighteveningandstillwarminthesunshine。
Annushka，whocamedownwithherthings，andPiotr，whoputthethingsinthecarriage，andthecoachman，evidentlyoutofhumor，wereallhatefultoher，andirritatedherbytheirwordsandactions。
`Idon’twantyou，Piotr。’
`Buthowabouttheticket？’
`Well，asyoulike，itdoesn’tmatter，’shesaidcrossly。
Piotrjumpedonthebox，andputtinghisarmsakimbo，toldthecoachmantodrivetothestation。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]
TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart7，Chapter30[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter30`Hereitisagain！AgainIunderstanditall！’Annasaidtoherself，assoonasthecarriagehadstartedandswayinglightly，rumbledoverthesmallcobblesofthepavedroad，andagainoneimpressionfollowedrapidlyuponanother。
`Yes；whatwasthelastthingIthoughtofsoclearly？’shetriedtorecall。`Tiutkin，coiffeur？-No，notthat。Yes，ofwhatIashvinsays，thestruggleforexistenceandhatredisallthatholdsmentogether。No，it’sauselessjourneyyou’remaking，’shesaid，mentallyaddressingapartyinacoachandfour，evidentlygoingforanexcursionintothecountry。
`Andthedogyou’retakingwithyouwillbenohelptoyou。Youcan’tgetawayfromyourselves。’TurninghereyesinthedirectionPiotrhadturnedtolook，shesawafactoryhandalmostdead-drunk，withhanginghead，beingledawaybyapoliceman。`Come，he’sfoundaquickerway，’shethought。
`CountVronskyandIdidnotfindthathappinesseither，thoughweexpectedsomuchfromit。’AndnowforthefirsttimeAnnaturnedthatglaringlightinwhichshewasseeingeverythingonherrelationswithhim，whichshehadhithertoavoidedthinkingabout。`Whatwasithesoughtinme？Notlovesomuchasthesatisfactionofvanity。’Sherememberedhiswords，theexpressionofhisface，thatrecalledasubmissivesetterdog，intheearlydaysoftheirconnection。Andeverythingnowconfirmedthis。`Yes，therewasthetriumphofvanityinhim。Ofcoursetherewaslovetoo，butthechiefelementwastheprideofsuccess。Heboastedofme。Nowthat’sover。There’snothingtobeproudof。Nottobeproudof，buttobeashamedof。Hehastakenfrommeallhecould，andnowIamnousetohim。Heiswearyofmeandistryingnottobedishonorableinhisbehaviortome。
Heletthatoutyesterday-hewantsdivorceandmarriagesoastoburnhisships。Helovesme，buthow？Thezestisgone，astheEnglishsay。
Thatfellowwantseveryonetoadmirehimandisverymuchpleasedwithhimself，’shethought，lookingatared-facedclerk，ridingonariding-schoolhorse。`Yes，there’snotthesamezestaboutmeforhimnow。IfIgoawayfromhim，atthebottomofhishearthewillbeglad。’
Thiswasnotmeresupposition，shesawitdistinctlyinthepiercinglightwhichrevealedtohernowthemeaningoflifeandhumanrelations。
`Mylovekeepsgrowingmorepassionateandegoistic，whilehisiswaningandwaning，andthat’swhywe’redriftingapart。’Shewentonmusing。`Andthere’snohelpforit。Heiseverythingforme，andIwanthimmoreandmoretogivehimselfuptomeentirely。Andhewantsmoreandmoretogetawayfromme。Precisely:wewenttomeetoneanotheruptothetimeofourliaison，andsincethenwehavebeenirresistiblydriftingindifferentdirections。Andthere’snoalteringthat。HetellsmeI’minsanelyjealous，andIhavetoldmyselfthatIaminsanelyjealous；butit’snottrue。I’mnotjealous，butI’munsatisfied。But……’sheopenedherlips，andshiftedherplaceinthecarriageintheexcitement，arousedbythethoughtthatsuddenlystruckher。`IfIcouldbeanythingbutamistress，passionatelycaringfornothingbuthiscaresses；butIcan’t，andIdon’tcaretobeanythingelse。AndbythatdesireIrouseaversioninhim，andherousesfuryinme，anditcannotbedifferent。Don’tIknowthathewouldn’tdeceiveme，thathehasnoschemesaboutPrincessSorokina，thathe’snotinlovewithKitty，thathewon’tdesertme！Iknowallthat，butitmakesitnobetterforme。Ifwithoutlovingme，fromduty，he’llbegoodandkindtome，withoutwhatIwant-that’sathousandtimesworsethanunkindness！That’shell！Andthat’sjusthowitis。Foralongwhilenowhehasn’tlovedme。Andwhereloveends，hatebegins。Idon’tknowthesestreetsatall。Hills，apparently，andstillhouses，andhouses……
Andinthehousesalwayspeopleandpeople……Howmanyofthem-noend，andallhatingeachother！Come，letmetryandthinkwhatIwanttomakemehappy。Well？SupposeIamdivorced，andAlexeiAlexandrovichletsmehaveSeriozha，andImarryVronsky。’ThinkingofAlexeiAlexandrovich，sheatoncepicturedhimwithextraordinaryvividnessasthoughhewerealivebeforeher，withhismild，lifeless，dulleyes，theblueveinsonhiswhitehands，hisintonations，andthecrackingofhisfingers，andrememberingthefeelingwhichhadexistedbetweenthem，andwhichwasalsocalledlove，sheshudderedwithloathing。`Well，I’mdivorced，andbecomeVronsky’swife。Well，willKittyceaselookingatmeasshelookedatmetoday？No。AndwillSeriozhaleaveoffaskingandwonderingaboutmytwohusbands？AndisthereanynewfeelingIcanawakenbetweenVronskyandme？Istherepossible，ifnothappiness，somesortofeasefrommisery？
No，no！’sheanswerednowwithouttheslightesthesitation。`Impossible！
Wearedrawnapartbylife，andImakehisunhappiness，andhemine，andthere’snoalteringhimorme。Everyattempthasbeenmade，thescrewhascomeunscrewed。Oh，abeggarwomanwithababy。ShethinksI’msorryforher。Aren’tweallflungintotheworldonlytohateeachother，andsototortureourselvesandeachother？Schoolboyscoming-laughing-Seriozha？’
shethought。`Ithought，too，thatIlovedhim，andusedtobetouchedbymyowntenderness。ButIhavelivedwithouthim，Igavehimupforanotherlove，anddidnotregrettheexchangetillthatlovewassatisfied。’Andwithloathingshethoughtofwhatshemeantbythatlove。Andtheclearnesswithwhichshesawlifenow，herownandallmen’swasapleasuretoher。
`It’ssowithmeandPiotr，andFiodorthecoachman，andthatmerchant，andallthepeoplelivingalongtheVolga，wherethoseplacardsinviteonetogo，andeverywhereandalways，’shethoughtwhenshehaddrivenunderthelow-pitchedroofoftheNizhny-Novgorodstationandtheportersrantomeether。
`AtickettoObiralovka？’saidPiotr。
Shehadutterlyforgottenwhereandwhyshewasgoing，andonlybyagreateffortsheunderstoodthequestion。
`Yes，’shesaid，handinghimherpurse，and，takingalittleredbaginherhand，shegotoutofthecarriage。
Makingherwaythroughthecrowdtothefirst-classwaitingroom，shegraduallyrecollectedallthedetailsofherposition，andtheplansbetweenwhichshewashesitating。Andagainattheoldsoreplaces，hopeandthendespairscrapedthewoundsofhertortured，fearfullythrobbingheart。Asshesatonthestar-shapedsofawaitingforthetrain，shegazedwithaversionatthepeoplecomingandgoingtheywereallhatefultoher，andthoughthowshewouldarriveatthestation，wouldwritehimanote，andwhatshewouldwritetohim，andhowhewasatthismomentcomplainingtohismotherofhisposition，notunderstandinghersufferings，andhowshewouldgointotheroom，andwhatshewouldsaytohim。Thenshethoughtthatlifemightstillbehappy，andhowmiserablyshelovedandhatedhim，andhowfearfullyherheartwasbeating。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]
TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart7，Chapter31[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter31Abellrang，someyoungmen，uglyandimpudent，andatthesametimecarefuloftheimpressiontheyweremaking，hurriedby。Piotr，too，crossedtheroominhisliveryandspatterdasheswithhisdull，brutishface，andcameuptohertotakehertothetrain。Thenoisyyoungmenwerequietasshepassedthemontheplatform，andonewhisperedsomethingabouthertoanother-somethingvile，nodoubt。Shesteppeduponthehighstep，andsatdowninacarriagebyherselfonadirtyspringseatthathadoncebeenwhite。
Herbaglaybesideher，shakenupanddownbythespringinessoftheseat。
WithafoolishsmilePiotrraisedhishat，withitsgalloonedband，atthewindow，intokenoffarewell；animpudentconductorslammedthedoorandthelatch。Agrotesque-lookingladywearingabustleAnnamentallyundressedthewoman，andwasappalledatherhideousness，andalittlegirllaughingaffectedly，randowntheplatform。
`KaterinaAndreevna，she’sgotthemall，matante！’criedthegirl。
`Eventhechild’shideousandaffected，’thoughtAnna。Toavoidseeinganyone，shegotupquicklyandseatedherselfattheoppositewindowoftheemptycarriage。Amisshapen-lookingpeasantcoveredwithdirt，inacapfromwhichhistangledhairstuckoutallaround，passedbythatwindow，stoopingdowntothecarriagewheels。`There’ssomethingfamiliaraboutthathideouspeasant，’thoughtAnna。Andrememberingherdream，shemovedawaytotheoppositedoor，shakingwithterror。Theconductoropenedthedoorandletinamanandhiswife。
`Doyouwishtogetout？’
Annamadenoanswer。Theconductorandhertwofellowpassengersdidnotnoticeunderherveilherpanic-strickenface。Shewentbacktohercornerandsatdown。Thecoupleseatedthemselvesontheoppositeside，andintentlybutsurreptitiouslyscrutinizedherclothes。BothhusbandandwifeseemedrepulsivetoAnna。Thehusbandaskedifshewouldallowhimtosmoke，obviouslynotwithaviewtosmoking，buttogettingintoconversationwithher。Receivingherassent，hesaidtohiswifeinFrenchsomethingaboutcaringlesstosmokethantotalk。Theymadeinaneandaffectedremarkstooneanother，entirelyforherbenefit。Annasawclearlythattheyweresickofeachother，andhatedeachother。Andnoonecouldhavehelpedhatingsuchmiserablemonstrosities。
Asecondbellsounded，andwasfollowedbymovingofluggage，noise，shoutingandlaughter。ItwassocleartoAnnathattherewasnothingforanyonetobegladof，thatthislaughterirritatedheragonizingly，andshewouldhavelikedtostopupherearsnottohearit。Atlastthethirdbellrang，therewasawhistleandahissofsteam，andaclankofchains，andthemaninhercarriagecrossedhimself。`Itwouldbeinterestingtoaskhimwhatmeaningheattachestothat，’thoughtAnna，lookingangrilyathim。Shelookedpasttheladyoutofthewindowatthepeoplewhoseemedwhirlingby，astheyranbesidethetrainorstoodontheplatform。Thetrain，jerkingatregularintervalsatthejunctionsoftherails，rolledbytheplatform，pastastonewall，asignalbox，pastothertrains；thewheels，movingmoresmoothlyandevenly，resoundedwithaslightclangontherails。Thewindowwaslightedupbythebrighteveningsun，andaslightbreezeflutteredthecurtain。Annaforgotherfellowpassengers，andtothelightswayingofthetrainshefelltothinkingagain，asshebreathedthefreshair。
`Yes，whatdidIstopat？ThatIcouldn’tfindaconditioninwhichlifewouldnotbeamisery，thatweareallcreatedtobemiserable，andthatweallknowit，andallinventmeansofdeceivingeachother。
Andwhenoneseesthetruth，whatisonetodo？’
`That’swhyreasonisgiventoman，toescapefromwhatworrieshim，’saidtheladyinFrench，lispingaffectedly，andobviouslypleasedwithherphrase。
ThewordsseemedananswertoAnna’sthoughts。
`Toescapefromwhatworrieshim，’repeatedAnna。Andglancingatthered-cheekedhusbandandthethinwife，shesawthatthesicklywifeconsideredherselfmisunderstood，andthehusbanddeceivedherandencouragedherinthatideaofherself。Annaseemedtoseealltheirhistoryandallthecranniesoftheirsouls，turningalightuponthem，asitwere。Buttherewasnothinginterestinginthem，andshepursuedherthought。
`Yes，I’mverymuchworried，andthat’swhyreasonwasgivenme，toescape；sothen，onemustescape:whynotputoutthelightwhenthere’snothingmoretolookat，whenit’ssickeningtolookatitall？Buthow？
Whydidtheconductorrunalongthefootboard，whyaretheyshrieking，thoseyoungmeninthattrain？Whyaretheytalking，whyaretheylaughing？
It’sallfalsehood，alllying，allhumbug，allcruelty！……’
Whenthetraincameintothestation，Annagotoutintothecrowdofpassengers，andmovingapartfromthemasiftheywerelepers，shestoodontheplatform，tryingtothinkwhatshehadcomeherefor，andwhatshemeanttodo。Everythingthathadseemedtoherpossiblebeforewasnowsodifficulttoconsider，especiallyinthisnoisycrowdofhideouspeoplewhowouldnotleaveheralone。Atonemomentportersranuptoherprofferingtheirservices，thenyoungmenclackingtheirheelsontheplanksoftheplatformandtalkingloudly，staredather，thenpeoplemeetingherdodgedpastonthewrongside。Rememberingthatshehadmeanttogoonfartheriftherewasnoanswer，shestoppedaporterandaskedifhercoachmanwerenotherewithanotefromCountVronsky。
`CountVronsky？TheysentupherefromtheVronskysjustthisminute，tomeetPrincessSorokinaandherdaughter。Andwhatisthecoachmanlike？’
Justasshewastalkingtotheporter，thecoachmanMikhail，redandcheerfulinhissmartbluecoatandchain，evidentlyproudofhavingsosuccessfullyperformedhiscommission，cameuptoherandgaveheraletter。Shebrokeitopen，andherheartachedbeforeshehadreadit。
`Iamverysorryyournotedidnotreachme。Iwillbehomeatten，’Vronskyhadwrittencarelessly。
`Yes，that’swhatIexpected！’shesaidtoherselfwithanevilsmile。
`Verygood，youcangohomenow，’shesaidsoftly，addressingMikhail。Shespokesoftlybecausetherapidityofherheart’sbeatinghinderedherbreathing。`No，Iwon’tletTheemakememiserable，’shethoughtmenacingly，addressingnothim，notherself，butthepowerthatmadehersuffer，andshewalkedalongtheplatform。
Twomaidservantswalkingalongtheplatformturnedtheirheads，staringatherandmakingsomeremarksaboutherdress。`Real，’theysaidofthelaceshewaswearing。Theyoungmenwouldnotleaveherinpeace。
Againtheypassedby，peeringintoherface，andwithalaughshoutingsomethinginanunnaturalvoice。Thestationmastercomingupaskedherwhethershewasgoingbythetrain。Aboysellingkvassnevertookhiseyesoffher。`MyGod！WhereamItogo？’shethought，goingfartherandfartheralongtheplatform。Attheendshestopped。Someladiesandchildren，whohadcometomeetagentlemaninspectacles，pausedintheirloudlaughterandtalking，andstaredatherasshereachedthem。Shequickenedherpaceandwalkedawayfromthemtotheedgeoftheplatform。Agoodstrainwascomingin。Theplatformbegantosway，andshefanciedshewasinthetrainagain。
AndallatonceshethoughtofthemancrushedbythetrainthedayshehadfirstmetVronsky，andsheknewwhatshehadtodo。Witharapid，lightstepshewentdownthestepsthatledfromtheplatformtotherailsandstoppedquiteneartheapproachingtrain。Shelookedatthelowerpartofthecarriages，atthescrewsandchains，andthetallcast-ironwheelofthefirstcarriageslowlymovingup，andtriedtomeasurethemiddlebetweenthefrontandbackwheels，andtheveryminutewhenthatmiddlepointwouldbeoppositeher。
`There，’shesaidtoherself，lookingintotheshadowofthecarriage，atthesandandcoaldustwhichcoveredthesleepers-`there，intheverymiddle，andIwillpunishhimandescapefromeveryoneandfrommyself。’
Shetriedtoflingherselfbelowthewheelsofthefirstcarasitreachedher；buttheredbagwhichshetriedtodropoutofherhanddelayedher，andshewastoolate；shemissedthemiddleofthecar。Shehadtowaitforthenextone。Afeelingsuchasshehadknownwhenabouttotakethefirstplungeinbathingcameuponher，andshecrossedherself。
Thatfamiliargestureofcrossingbroughtbackintohersoulawholeseriesofgirlishandchildishmemories，andsuddenlythedarknessthathadcoveredeverythingforherwastornapart，andliferoseupbeforeherforaninstantwithallitsbrightpastjoys。Butshedidnottakehereyesfromthewheelsofthesecondcar。Andexactlyatthemomentwhenthespacebetweenthewheelscameoppositeher，shedroppedtheredbag，anddrawingherheadbackintohershoulders，fellonherhandsunderthecar，andlightly，asthoughshewouldriseagainatonce，droppedontoherknees。Andatthesameinstantshewasterror-strickenatwhatshewasdoing。`WhereamI？WhatamIdoing？Whatfor？’Shetriedtogetup，todropbackward；
butsomethinghugeandmercilessstruckherontheheadanddrewalongonherback。`Lord，forgivemeall！’shesaid，feelingitimpossibletostruggle。Apeasant，mutteringsomething，wasworkingattheiron。Andthecandlebywhichshehadbeenreadingthebookfilledwithtroubles，falsehoods，sorrow，andevil，flaredupmorebrightlythaneverbefore，lightedupforherallthathadbeenindarkness，sputtered，begantogrowdim，andwasquenchedforever。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]
TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart8，Chapter01[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]PARTEIGHTChapter1Almosttwomonthshadpassed。Thehotsummerwashalfover，butSergeiIvanovichwasonlyjustpreparingtoleaveMoscow。
SergeiIvanovich’slifehadnotbeenuneventfulduringthistime。
Ayearagohehadfinishedhisbook，thefruitofsixyears’labor。AnInquiryConcerningthePrinciplesandFormsofGovernmentinEuropeandRussia。Severalsectionsofthisbookanditsintroductionhadappearedinperiodicalpublications，andotherpartshadbeenreadbySergeiIvanovichtopersonsofhiscircle，sothattheleadingideasoftheworkcouldnotbeentirelynoveltothepublic。Butstill，SergeiIvanovichhadexpectedthatonitsappearancehisbookwouldbesuretomakeaseriousimpressiononsociety，andifitdidnotcausearevolutioninsocialscienceitwould，atanyrate，makeagreatstirinthescientificworld。
Afterthemostconscientiousrevisionthebookhadlastyearbeenpublished，andhadbeendistributedamongthebooksellers。
Thoughheaskednooneaboutit，reluctantlyandwithfeignedindifferenceansweredhisfriends’inquiriesastohowthebookwasgoing，anddidnoteveninquireofthebooksellershowthebookwasselling，SergeiIvanovichwasallonthealert，withstrainedattention，watchingforthefirstimpressionhisbookwouldmakeintheworldandinliterature。
Butaweekpassed，asecond，athird，andinsocietynoimpressionwhatevercouldbedetected。Thoseofhisfriends，whowerespecialistsandsavants，occasionally-unmistakablyfrompoliteness-alludedtoit。
Therestofhisacquaintances，notinterestedinabookonalearnedsubject，didnottalkofitatall。Andsocietygenerally-justnowespeciallyabsorbedinotherthings-wasabsolutelyindifferent。Inthepress，too，forawholemonththerewasnotawordabouthisbook。
SergeiIvanovichhadcalculatedtoanicetythetimenecessaryforwritingareview，butamonthpassed，andasecond，andstilltherewassilence。
OnlyintheNorthernBeetle，inacomicarticleonthesingerDrabanti，whohadlosthisvoice，therewasacontemptuousallusiontoKoznishev’sbook，suggestingthatthebookhadbeenlongagoseenthroughbyeveryone，andwasasubjectofgeneralridicule。
Atlast，inthethirdmonth，acriticalarticleappearedinaseriousreview。SergeiIvanovichknewtheauthorofthearticle。HehadmethimonceatGolubtsov’s。
Theauthorofthearticlewasayoungman，aninvalid，veryboldasawriter，butextremelydeficientinbreedingandshyinpersonalrelations。
Inspiteofhisabsolutecontemptfortheauthor，itwaswithcompleterespectthatSergeiIvanovichsetaboutreadingthearticle。Thearticlewasawful。
Thecritichadundoubtedlyputaninterpretationuponthebookwhichcouldnotpossiblybeputonit。Buthehadselectedquotationssoadroitlythatforpeoplewhohadnotreadthebookandobviouslyscarcelyanyonehadreadititseemedabsolutelyclearthatthewholebookwasnothingbutamedleyofhigh-flownphrases，noteven-assuggestedbymarksofinterrogation-usedappropriately，andthattheauthorofthebookwasapersonabsolutelywithoutknowledgeofthesubject。AndallthiswassowittilydonethatSergeiIvanovichwouldnothavedisownedsuchwithimself。Butthatwasjustwhatwassoawful。
InspiteofthescrupulousconscientiousnesswithwhichSergeiIvanovichverifiedthecorrectnessofthecritic’sarguments，hedidnotforaminutestoptoponderoverthefaultsandmistakeswhichwereridiculed；
butunconsciouslyhebeganimmediatelytryingtorecalleverydetailofhismeetingandconversationwiththeauthorofthearticle。
`Didn’tIoffendhiminsomeway？’SergeiIvanovichwondered。
Andrememberingthatwhentheymethehadcorrectedtheyoungmanaboutsomethinghehadsaidthatbetrayedignorance，SergeiIvanovichfoundtheexplanationforthetrendofthearticle。
Thisarticlewasfollowedbyadeadlysilenceaboutthebookbothinthepressandinconversation，andSergeiIvanovichsawthathissixyears’task，toiledatwithsuchloveandlabor，hadgone，leavingnotrace。
SergeiIvanovich’spositionwasstillmoredifficultfromthefactthat，sincehehadfinishedhisbook，hehadhadmoreliteraryworktodo，suchashadhithertooccupiedthegreaterpartofhistime。
SergeiIvanovichwasclever，cultivatedhealthyandenergetic，andhedidnotknowwhatusetomakeofhisenergy。Conversationsindrawingrooms，inmeetings，assemblies，andcommittees-everywherewheretalkwaspossible-tookuppartofhistime。Butbeingusedforyearstotownlife，hedidnotwasteallhisenergiesintalk，ashislessexperiencedyoungerbrotherdid，whenhewasinMoscow。Hehadagreatdealofleisureandintellectualenergystilltodisposeof。
Fortunatelyforhim，atthisperiodsodifficultforhimbecauseofthefailureofhisbook，thevariouspublicquestionsofthedissentingsects，oftheAmericanFriends，oftheSamarafamine，ofexhibition，andofspiritualism，weredefinitelyreplacedinpublicinterestbytheSlavonicquestion，whichhadhithertoratherlanguidlyinterestedsociety，andSergeiIvanovich，whohadbeenoneofthefirsttoraisethissubject，threwhimselfintoitheartandsoul。
InthecircletowhichSergeiIvanovichbelonged，nothingwastalkedoforwrittenaboutjustnowbuttheServianwar。EverythingthattheidlecrowdusuallydoestokilltimewasdonenowforthebenefitoftheSlavonicpeoples。Balls，concerts，dinners，speeches，ladies’dresses，beer，taverns-everythingtestifiedtosympathywiththeSlavonicpeoples。
Frommuchofwhatwasspokenandwrittenonthesubject，SergeiIvanovichdifferedonvariouspoints。HesawthattheSlavonicquestionhadbecomeoneofthosefashionabledistractionswhichsucceedoneanotherinprovidingsocietywithanobjectandanoccupation。Hesaw，too，thatagreatmanypeopleweretakingupthesubjectfrommotivesofself-interestandself-advertisement。Herecognizedthatthenewspaperspublishedagreatdealthatwassuperfluousandexaggerated，withthesoleaimofattractingattentionandtalkingoneanotherdown。Hesawthatinthisgeneralmovementthosewhothrustthemselvesmostforwardandshoutedtheloudestweremenwhohadfailedandweresmartingunderasenseofinjury-generalswithoutarmies，ministersnotintheministry，journalistsnotonanypaper，partyleaderswithoutfollowers。Hesawthattherewasagreatdealinitthatwasfrivolousandabsurd。Buthesawandrecognizedanunmistakablegrowingenthusiasm，unitingallclasses，withwhichitwasimpossiblenottosympathize。
ThemassacreofmenwhowerefellowChristians，andofthesameSlavonicrace，excitedsympathyforthesufferersandindignationagainsttheoppressors。
AndtheheroismoftheServiansandMontenegrinsstrugglingforagreatcausebegotinthewholepeoplealongingtohelptheirbrothersnotinwordbutindeed。
ButinthistherewasanotheraspectthatmadeSergeiIvanovichrejoice。Thatwasthemanifestationofpublicopinion。Thepublichaddefinitelyexpresseditsdesire。Thesoulofthepeoplehad，asSergeiIvanovichsaid，foundexpression。Andthemoreheworkedinthiscause，themoreincontestableitseemedtohimthatitwasacausedestinedtoassumevastdimensions，tocreateanepoch。
Hethrewhimselfheartandsoulintotheserviceofthisgreatcause，andforgottothinkabouthisbook。
Hiswholetimenowwasengrossedbyit，sothathecouldscarcelymanagetoanswerallthelettersandappealsaddressedtohim。
Heworkedthewholespringandpartofthesummer，anditwasonlyinJulythathepreparedtogoawaytohisbrother’scountryplace。
Hewasgoingbothtorestforafortnight，andintheveryheartofthepeople，inthefarthestwildsofthecountry，toenjoythesightofthatupliftingofthespiritofthepeople，ofwhich，likeallresidentsinthecapitalandbigtowns，hewasfullypersuaded。KatavassovhadlongintendedtocarryouthispromisetostaywithLevin，andsohewasgoingwithhim。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]