ThereaderwillunderstandthatIamgivingthepricesasnearlyasIcanintheirEnglishequivalents。Anothertitlewas-
“TheSacramentofDivorce：anOccasionalSermonpreachedbyDr。
Gurgoyle，PresidentoftheMusicalBanksfortheProvinceofSunch’ston。8vo，16pp。6d。
Othertitlesran-
“CounselsofImperfection。”8vo，20pp。6d。
“Hygiene；or，HowtoDiagnoseyourDoctor。8vo，10pp。3d。
“ThePhysicsofVicariousExistence。”byDr。Gurgoyle，PresidentoftheMusicalBanksfortheProvinceofSunch’ston。8vo，20pp。6d。
ThereweremanyotherbookswhosetitleswouldprobablyhaveattractedmyfatherasmuchasthosethatIhavegiven，buthewastootiredandhungrytolookatmore。Findingthathecouldbuyalltheforegoingfor4s。9d。，heboughtthemandstuffedthemintothevalisethathehadjustbought。Hispurchasesinallhadnowamountedtoalittleover1pound，10s。silver，leavinghimabout3poundssilver，includingthemoneyforwhichhehadsoldthequails，tocarryhimontillSundayafternoon。Heintendedtospendsay2poundssilver，andkeeptherestofthemoneyinordertogiveittotheBritishMuseum。
Henowbegantosearchforaninn，andwalkedaboutthelessfashionablepartsofthetowntillhefoundanunpretendingtavern，whichhethoughtwouldsuithim。Here，onimportunity，hewasgivenaservant’sroomatthetopofthehouse，allothersbeingengagedbyvisitorswhohadcomeforthededication。Heorderedameal，ofwhichhestoodingreatneed，andhavingeatenit，heretiredearlyforthenight。Buthesmokedapipesurreptitiouslyupthechimneybeforehegotintobed。
Meanwhileotherthingswerehappening，ofwhich，happilyforhisrepose，hewasstillignorant，andwhichhedidnotlearntillafewdayslater。NottodepartfromchronologicalorderIwilldealwiththeminmynextchapter。
CHAPTERVIII：YRAM，NOWMAYORESS，GIVESADINNER-PARTY，INTHE
COURSEOFWHICHSHEISDISQUIETEDBYWHATSHELEARNSFROMPROFESSOR
HANKY：SHESENDSFORHERSONGEORGEANDQUESTIONSHIM
TheProfessors，returningtotheirhotelearlyontheFridaymorning，foundanotefromtheMayoressurgingthemtobeherguestsduringtheremainderoftheirvisit，andtomeetotherfriendsatdinneronthissameevening。Theyaccepted，andthenwenttobed；fortheyhadpassedthenightunderthetreeinwhichtheyhadhiddentheirpurchase，and，asmaybeimagined，hadsleptbutlittle。Theyrestedallday，andtransferredthemselvesandtheirbelongingstotheMayor’shouseintimetodressfordinner。
Whentheycamedownintothedrawing-roomtheyfoundabrilliantcompanyassembled，chieflyMusical-Bankicallikethemselves。TherewasDr。Downie，ProfessorofLogomachy，andperhapsthemostsubtledialecticianinErewhon。Hecouldsaynothinginmorewordsthananymanofhisgeneration。Histext-bookonthe“ArtofObscuringIssues“hadpassedthroughtenortwelveeditions，andwasinthehandsofallaspirantsforacademicdistinction。Hehadearnedahighreputationforsobrietyofjudgementbyresolutelyrefusingtohavedefiniteviewsonanysubject；sosafeamanwasheconsidered，thatwhilestillquiteyounghehadbeenappointedtothelucrativepostofThinkerinOrdinarytotheRoyalFamily。
TherewasMr。PrincipalCrank，withhissisterMrs。Quack；
ProfessorsGabbandBawl，withtheirwivesandtwoorthreeeruditedaughters。
OldMrs。Humdrumofwhommoreanonwasthereofcourse，withhervenerablewhitehairandrichblacksatindress，lookingtheveryidealofallthatastatelyolddowageroughttobe。InsocietyshewascommonlyknownasYdgrun，soperfectlydidshecorrespondwiththeconceptionofthisstrangegoddessformedbytheErewhonians。Shewasoneofthosewhohadvisitedmyfatherwhenhewasinprisontwentyyearsearlier。WhenhetoldmethatshewasnowcalledYdgrun，hesaid，“IamsurethattheErinyeswereonlyMrs。Humdrums，andthattheyweredelightfulpeoplewhenyoucametoknowthem。Idonotbelievetheydidtheawfulthingswesaytheydid。Ithink，butamnotquitesure，thattheyletOrestesoff；buteventhoughtheyhadnotpardonedhim，Idoubtwhethertheywouldhavedoneanythingmoredreadfultohimthanissueamotd’ordrethathewasnottobeaskedtoanymoreafternoonteas。This，however，wouldbedown-righttorturetosomepeople。Atanyrate。”hecontinued，“beittheErinyes，orMrs。
Grundy，orYdgrun，inalltimesandplacesitiswomanwhodecideswhethersocietyistocondoneanoffenceorno。”
AmongthemostattractiveladiespresentwasoneforwhoseErewhoniannameIcanfindnoEnglishequivalent，andwhomImustthereforecallMissLaFrime。ShewasLadyPresidentoftheprincipalestablishmentforthehighereducationofyoungladies，andsocelebratedwasshe，thatpupilsflockedtoherfromallpartsofthesurroundingcountry。HerprimerwrittenfortheErewhonianArtsandScienceSeriesontheArtofMan-killing，wasthemostcompletethingofthekindthathadyetbeendone；butill-naturedpeoplehadbeenheardtosaythatshehadkilledallherownadmirerssoeffectuallythatnotoneofthemhadeverlivedtomarryher。AccordingtoErewhoniancustomthesuccessfulmarriagesofthepupilsareinscribedyearlyontheoakpanelingofthecollegerefectory，andareprintfromtheseinpamphletformaccompaniesalltheprospectusesthataresentouttoparents。Itwasallegedthatnootherladies’seminaryinErewhoncouldshowsuchabrilliantrecordduringalltheyearsofMissLaFrime’spresidency。Manyotherguestsoflessnotewerethere，butthelionsoftheeveningwerethetwoProfessorswhomwehavealreadymetwith，andmoreparticularlyHanky，whotooktheMayoressintodinner。Panky，ofcourse，worehisclothesreversed，asdidPrincipalCrankandProfessorGabb；theothersweredressedEnglishfashion。
Everythinghunguponthehostess，forthehostwaslittlemorethanastillhandsomefigure-head。Hehadbeenremarkableforhisgoodlooksasayoungman，andStrongisthenearestapproachIcangettoatranslationofhisErewhonianname。Hisfaceinspiredconfidenceatonce，buthewasamanoffewwords，andhadlittleofthatgracewhichinhiswifeseteveryoneinstantlyathisorherease。Heknewthatallwouldgowellsolongashelefteverythingtoher，andkepthimselfasfarasmightbeinthebackground。
Beforedinnerwasannouncedtherewastheusualbuzzofconversation，chieflyoccupiedwithsalutations，goodwishesforSunday’sweather，andadmirationfortheextremebeautyoftheMayoress’sthreedaughters，thetwoelderofwhomwerealreadyout；
whilethethird，thoughonlythirteen，mighthavepassedforayearortwoolder。TheirmotherwassomuchengrossedwithreceivinghergueststhatitwasnottilltheywereallattablethatshewasabletoaskHankywhathethoughtofthestatues，whichshehadheardthatheandProfessorPankyhadbeentosee。Shewastoldhowmuchinterestedhehadbeenwiththem，andhowunablehehadbeentoformanytheoryastotheirdateorobject。Hethenadded，appealingtoPanky，whowasontheMayoress’slefthand，“butwehadratherastrangeadventureonourwaydown，hadwenot，Panky？
Wegotlost，andwerebenightedintheforest。Happilywefellinwithoneoftherangerswhohadlitafire。”
“DoIunderstand，then。”saidYram，asIsupposewemayaswellcallher，“thatyouwereoutalllastnight？Howtiredyoumustbe！ButIhopeyouhadenoughprovisionswithyou？“
“Indeedwewereoutallnight。Westaidbytheranger’sfiretillmidnight，andthentriedtofindourwaydown，butwegaveitupsoonafterwehadgotoutoftheforest，andthenwaitedunderalargechestnuttreetillfourorfivethismorning。Asforfood，wehadnotsomuchasamouthfulfromaboutthreeintheafternoontillwegottoourinnearlythismorning。”
“Oh，youpoor，poorpeople！howtiredyoumustbe。”
“No；wemadeagoodbreakfastassoonaswegotin，andthenwenttobed，wherewestaidtillitwastimeforustocometoyourhouse。”
HerePankygavehisfriendasignificantlook，asmuchastosaythathehadsaidenough。
ThissetHankyonatonce。“Strangetosay，therangerwaswearingtheoldErewhoniandress。Itdidmegoodtoseeitagainafteralltheseyears。Itseemsyoursonletshismenwearwhatfewoftheoldclothestheymaystillhave，solongastheykeepwellawayfromthetown。Butfancyhowcarefullythesepoorfellowshusbandthem；why，itmustbeseventeenyearssincethedresswasforbidden！“
Weallofushaveskeletons，largeorsmall，insomecupboardofourlives，butawellregulatedskeletonthatwillstayinitscupboardquietlydoesnotmuchmatter。Thereareskeletons，however，whichcanneverbequitetrustednottoopenthecupboarddooratsomeawkwardmoment，godownstairs，ringthehall-doorbell，withgrinningfaceannouncethemselvesastheskeleton，andaskwhetherthemasterormistressisathome。Thiskindofskeleton，thoughnobiggerthanarabbit，willsometimesloomlargeasthatofadinotherium。MyfatherwasYram’sskeleton。True，hewasamereskeletonofaskeleton，forthechanceswerethousandstoonethatheandmymotherhadperishedlongyearsago；andeventhoughherangatthebell，therewasnoharmthatheeithercouldorwouldnowdotoherorhers；still，solongasshedidnotcertainlyknowthathewasdead，orotherwiseprecludedfromreturning，shecouldnotbesurethathewouldnotonedaycomebackbythewaythathewouldaloneknow，andshehadratherheshouldnotdoso。
Hence，onhearingfromProfessorHankythatamanhadbeenseenbetweenthestatuesandSunch’stonwearingtheoldErewhoniandress，shewasdisquietedandperplexed。TheexcusehehadevidentlymadetotheProfessorsaggravatedheruneasiness，foritwasanobviousattempttoescapefromanunexpecteddifficulty。
Therecouldbenotruthinit。Hersonwouldassoonthinkofwearingtheolddresshimselfasoflettinghismendoso；andasforhavingoldclothesstilltowearoutafterseventeenyears，noonebutaBridgefordProfessorwouldacceptthis。Shesaw，therefore，thatshemustkeepherwitsabouther，andleadherguestsontotellherasmuchastheycouldbeinducedtodo。
“Myson。”shesaidinnocently，“isalwaysconsideratetohismen，andthatiswhytheyaresodevotedtohim。Iwonderwhichofthemitwas？Inwhatpartofthepreservesdidyoufallinwithhim？“
Hankydescribedtheplace，andgavethebestideahecouldofmyfather’sappearance。
“Ofcoursehewasswarthyliketherestofus？“
“Isawnothingremarkableabouthim，exceptthathiseyeswereblueandhiseyelashesnearlywhite，which，asyouknow，israreinErewhon。Indeed，Idonotremembereverbeforetohaveseenamanwithdarkhairandcomplexionbutlighteyelashes。Natureisalwaysdoingsomethingunusual。”
“Ihavenodoubt。”saidYram，“thathewasthemantheycallBlacksheep，butInevernoticedthispeculiarityinhim。IfhewasBlacksheep，Iamafraidyoumusthavefoundhimnonetoocivil；heisaroughdiamond，andyouwouldhardlybeabletounderstandhisuncouthSunch’stondialect。”
“Onthecontrary，hewasmostkindandthoughtful——evensofarastotakeourpermitfromus，andthussaveusthetroubleofgivingitupatyourson’soffice。Asforhisdialect，hisgrammarwasoftenatfault，butwecouldquiteunderstandhim。”
“IamgladtohearhebehavedbetterthanIcouldhaveexpected。
Didhesayinwhatpartofthepreserveshehadbeen？“
“Hehadbeencatchingquailsbetweentheplacewherewesawhimandthestatues；hewastodeliverthreedozentoyoursonthisafternoonfortheMayor’sbanquetonSunday。”
Thiswasworseandworse。ShehadurgedhersontoprovideherwithasupplyofquailsforSunday’sbanquet，buthehadbeggedhernottoinsistonhavingthem。TherewasnoclosetimefortheminErewhon，buthesethisfaceagainsttheirbeingseenattableinspringandsummer。Duringthewinter，whenanygreatoccasionarose，hehadallowedafewbracetobeprovided。
“Iaskedmysontoletmehavesome。”saidYram，whowasnowonfullscent。Shelaughedgeniallyassheadded，“CanyouthrowanylightuponthequestionwhetherIamlikelytogetmythreedozen？
Ihavehadnonewsasyet。”
“Themanhadtakenagoodmany；wesawthembutdidnotcountthem。
Hestartedaboutmidnightfortheranger’sshelter，wherehesaidheshouldsleeptilldaybreak，soastomakeuphisfulltalebetimes。”
Yramhadheardhersoncomplainthattherewerenosheltersonthepreserves，andstatehisintentionofhavingsomebuiltbeforethewinter。Heretoo，then，theman’sstorymustbefalse。Shechangedtheconversationforthemoment，butquietlytoldaservanttosendhighandlowinsearchofherson，andifhecouldbefound，tobidhimcometoheratonce。Shethenreturnedtoherprevioussubject。
“Anddidnotthisheartlesswretch，knowinghowhungryyoumustbothbe，letyouhaveaquailortwoasanactofpardonablecharity？“
“MydearMayoress，howcanyouasksuchaquestion？Weknewyouwouldwantallyoucouldget；moreover，ourpermitthreateneduswithallsortsofhorrorsifwesomuchasateasinglequail。I
assureyouweneverevenallowedathoughtofeatingoneofthemtocrossourminds。”
“Then。”saidYramtoherself，“theygorgeduponthem。”Whatcouldshethink？Amanwhoworetheolddress，andthereforewhohadalmostcertainlybeeninErewhon，buthadbeenmanyyearsawayfromit；whospokethelanguagewell，butwhosegrammarwasdefective——
hence，again，onewhohadspentsometimeinErewhon；whoknewnothingoftheafforestinglawnowlongsinceenacted，forhowelsewouldhehavedaredtolightafireandbeseenwithquailsinhispossession；anadroitliar，whoongleaninginformationfromtheProfessorshadhazardedanexcuseforimmediatelyretracinghissteps；aman，too，withblueeyesandlighteyelashes。Whatdiditmatterabouthishairbeingdarkandhiscomplexionswarthy——HiggswasfartooclevertoattemptasecondvisittoErewhonwithoutdyeinghishairandstaininghisfaceandhands。AndhehadgottheirpermitoutoftheProfessorsbeforeheleftthem；clearly，then，hemeantcomingback，andcomingbackatoncebeforethepermithadexpired。Howcouldshedoubt？Myfather，shefeltsure，mustbythistimebeinSunch’ston。Hewouldgobacktochangehisclothes，whichwouldnotbeveryfardownontheothersidethepass，forhewouldnotputonhisoldErewhoniandresstillhewasonthepointofenteringErewhon；andhewouldhidehisEnglishdressratherthanthrowitaway，forhewouldwantitwhenhewentbackagain。Itwouldbequitepossible，then，forhimtogetthroughtheforestbeforethepermitwasvoid，andhewouldbesuretogoontoSunch’stonforthenight。
Shechattedunconcernedly，nowwithoneguestnowwithanother，whiletheyintheirturnchattedunconcernedlywithoneanother。
MissLaFrimetoMrs。Humdrum：“Youknowhowhegothisprofessorship？No？Ithoughteveryoneknewthat。Thequestionthecandidateshadtoanswerwas，whetheritwaswiserduringalongstayatahoteltotiptheservantsprettyearly，ortowaittillthestaywasended。Alltheothercandidatestookonesideortheother，andarguedtheircaseinfull。Hankysentinthreelinestotheeffectthattheproperthingtodowouldbetopromiseatthebeginning，andgoawaywithoutgiving。TheKing，withwhomtheappointmentrested，wassomuchpleasedwiththisanswerthathegaveHankytheprofessorshipwithoutsomuchaslooking……“
ProfessorGabbtoMrs。Humdrum：“Ohno，Icanassureyouthereisnotruthinit。Whathappenedwasthis。Therewastheusualcrowd，andthepeoplecheeredProfessorafterProfessor，ashestoodbeforetheminthegreatBridgefordtheatreandsatisfiedthemthatalumpofbutterwhichhadbeenputintohismouthwouldnotmeltinit。WhenHanky’sturncamehewastakensuddenlyunwell，andhadtoleavethetheatre，onwhichtherewasareportinthehousethatthebutterhadmelted；thiswasatoncestoppedbythereturnoftheProfessor。Anotherpieceofbutterwasputintohismouth，andonbeingtakenoutaftertheusualtime，wasfoundtoshewnosignsofhaving……“
MissBawltoMr。PrincipalCrank：……“TheManagerwassotall，youknow，andthentherewasthatlittlemiteofanassistantmanager——itWASsofunny。Fortheassistantmanager’svoicewaseversomuchlouderthanthe……“
Mrs。BawltoProfessorGabb：……“Liveforart！IfIhadtochoosewhetherIwouldloseeitherartorscience，IhavenotthesmallesthesitationinsayingthatIwouldlose……“
TheMayorandDr。Downie：……“ThatyouaretobecanonisedatthecloseoftheyearalongwithProfessorsHankyandPanky？“
“IbelieveitishisMajesty’sintentionthattheProfessorsandmyselfaretoheadthelistoftheSunchild’sSaints，butwehaveallofusgotto……“
Andsoon，andsoon，buzz，buzz，buzz，overthewholetable。
PresentlyYramturnedtoHankyandsaid-
“Bytheway，Professor，youmusthavefounditverycoldupatthestatues，didyounot？ButIsupposethesnowisallgonebythistime？“
“Yes，itwascold，andthoughthewinter’ssnowismelted，therehadbeenarecentfall。Strangetosay，wesawfreshfootprintsinit，asofsomeonewhohadcomeupfromtheotherside。Butthereonhangsatale，aboutwhichIbelieveIshouldsaynothing。”
“Thensaynothing，mydearProfessor。”saidYramwithafranksmile。“Aboveall。”sheaddedquietlyandgravely，“saynothingtotheMayor，nortomyson，tillafterSunday。Evenawhisperofsomeonecomingoverfromtheothersidedisquietsthem，andtheyhaveenoughonhandforthemoment。”
Panky，whohadbeengrowingmoreandmorerestiveathisfriend’soutspokenness，butwhohadencourageditmorethanoncebyvainlytryingtocheckit，wasrelievedathearinghishostessdoforhimwhathecouldnotdoforhimself。AsforYram，shehadgotenoughoutoftheProfessortobenowfullydissatisfied，andmentallyinformedthemthattheymightleavethewitness-box。Duringtherestofdinnersheletthesubjectoftheiradventureseverelyalone。
Itseemedtoherasthoughdinnerwasnevergoingtoend；butinthecourseoftimeitdidso，andpresentlytheladieswithdrew。
Astheywereenteringthedrawing-roomaservanttoldherthathersonhadbeenfoundmoreeasilythanwasexpected，andwasnowinhisownroomdressing。
“Tellhim。”shesaid，“tostaytheretillIcome，whichIwilldodirectly。”
Sheremainedforafewminuteswithherguests，andthen，excusingherselfquietlytoMrs。Humdrum，shesteppedoutandhastenedtoherson’sroom。ShetoldhimthatProfessorsHankyandPankywerestayinginthehouse，andthatduringdinnertheyhadtoldhersomethingheoughttoknow，butwhichtherewasnotimetotellhimuntilherguestsweregone。“Ihadrather。”shesaid，“tellyouaboutitbeforeyouseetheProfessors，forifyouseethemthewholethingwillbereopened，andyouaresuretoletthemseehowmuchmorethereisinitthantheysuspect。Iwanteverythinghushedupforthemoment；donot，therefore，joinus。Havedinnersenttoyouinyourfather’sstudy。Iwillcometoyouaboutmidnight。”
“But，mydearmother。”saidGeorge，“IhaveseenPankyalready。I
walkeddownwithhimagoodlongwaythisafternoon。”
Yramhadnotexpectedthis，butshekepthercountenance。“Howdidyouknow。”saidshe，“thathewasProfessorPanky？Didhetellyouso？“
“Certainlyhedid。Heshowedmehispermit，whichwasmadeoutinfavourofProfessorsHankyandPanky，oreitherofthem。HesaidHankyhadbeenunabletocomewithhim，andthathewashimselfProfessorPanky。”
Yramagainsmiledverysweetly。“Then，mydearboy。”shesaid，“I
amallthemoreanxiousthatyoushouldnotseehimnow。Seenobodybuttheservantsandyourbrothers，andwaittillIcanenlightenyou。Imustnotstayanothermoment；buttellmethismuch，haveyouseenanysignsofpoacherslately？“
“Yes；therewerethreelastnight。”
“Inwhatpartofthepreserves？“
Hersondescribedtheplace。
“Youaresuretheyhadbeenkillingquails？“
“Yes，andeatingthem——twoononesideofafiretheyhadlit，andoneontheother；thislastmanhaddonealltheplucking。”
“Good！“
Shekissedhimwithmorethanevenherusualtenderness，andreturnedtothedrawing-room。
DuringtherestoftheeveningshewasengagedinearnestconversationwithMrs。Humdrum，leavingherothergueststoherdaughtersandtothemselves。Mrs。Humdrumhadbeenherclosestfriendformanyyears，andcarriedmoreweightthananyoneelseinSunch’ston，except，perhaps，Yramherself。“Tellhimeverything。”
shesaidtoYramatthecloseoftheirconversation；“wealldoteuponhim；trusthimfrankly，asyoutrustedyourhusbandbeforeyoulethimmarryyou。Nolies，noreserve，notears，andallwillcomeright。Asforme，commandme。”andthegoodoldladyrosetotakeherleavewithaskindalookonherfaceaseverirradiatedsaintorangel。“Igoearly。”sheadded，“fortheotherswillgowhentheyseemedoso，andthesooneryouarealonethebetter。”
Byhalfanhourbeforemidnightherguestshadgone。HankyandPankyweregiventounderstandthattheymuststillbetired，andhadbettergotobed。SowastheMayor；sowerehersonsanddaughters，exceptofcourseGeorge，whowaswaitingforherwithsomeanxiety，forhehadseenthatshehadsomethingserioustotellhim。Thenshewentdownintothestudy。Hersonembracedherassheentered，andmovedaneasychairforher，butshewouldnothaveit。
“No；Iwillhaveanuprightone。”Then，sittingcomposedlydownontheonehersonplacedforher，shesaid-
“Andnowtobusiness。ButletmefirsttellyouthattheMayorwastold，twentyyearsago，allthemoreimportantpartofwhatyouwillnowhear。Hedoesnotyetknowwhathashappenedwithinthelastfewhours，buteitheryouorIwilltellhimto-morrow。”
CHAPTERIX：INTERVIEWBETWEENYRAMANDHERSON
“WhatdidyouthinkofPanky？“
“Icouldnotmakehimout。IfhehadnotbeenaBridgefordProfessorImighthavelikedhim；butyouknowhowweallofusdistrustthosepeople。”
“Wheredidyoumeethim？“
“Abouttwohourslowerdownthanthestatues。”
“Atwhato’clock？“
“Itmightbebetweentwoandhalf-past。”
“IsupposehedidnotsaythatatthathourhewasinbedathishotelinSunch’ston。Hardly！Tellmewhatpassedbetweenyou。”
“Hehadhispermitopenbeforewewerewithinspeakingdistance。I
thinkhefearedIshouldattackhimwithoutmakingsurewhetherhewasaforeigndevilorno。IhavetoldyouhesaidhewasProfessorPanky。”
“Isupposehehadadarkcomplexionandblackhairliketherestofus？“
“Darkcomplexionandhairpurplishratherthanblack。Iwassurprisedtoseethathiseyelasheswereaslightasmyown，andhiseyeswerebluelikemine——butyouwillhavenoticedthisatdinner。”
“No，mydear，Ididnot，andIthinkIshouldhavedonesoifithadbeentheretonotice。”
“Oh，butitwassoindeed。”
“Perhaps。Wasthereanythingstrangeabouthiswayoftalking？“
“Alittleabouthisgrammar，buttheseBridgefordProfessorshaveoftenrisenfromtheranks。Hispronunciationwasnearlylikeyoursandmine。”
“Washismannerfriendly？“
“Very；moresothanIcouldunderstandatfirst。Ihadnot，however，beenwithhimlongbeforeIsawtearsinhiseyes，andwhenIaskedhimwhetherhewasindistress，hesaidIremindedhimofasonwhomhehadlostandhadfoundaftermanyyears，onlytolosehimalmostimmediatelyforever。Hencehiscordialitytowardsme。”
“Then。”saidYramhalfhystericallytoherself，“heknewwhoyouwere。Now，how，Iwonder，didhefindthatout？“Allvestigeofdoubtastowhothemanmightbehadnowlefther。
“CertainlyheknewwhoIwas。Hespokeaboutyoumorethanonce，andwisheduseverykindofprosperity，baringhisheadreverentlyashespoke。”
“Poorfellow！DidhesayanythingaboutHiggs？“
“Agooddeal，andIwassurprisedtofindhethoughtaboutitallmuchaswedo。ButwhenIsaidthatifIcouldgodownintothehellofwhichHiggsusedtotalktoyouwhilehewasinprison，I
shouldexpecttofindhiminitshottestfires，hedidnotlikeit。”
“Possiblynot，mydear。Didyoutellhimhowtheotherboys，whenyouwereatschool，usedsometimestosayyouweresontothismanHiggs，andthatthepeopleofSunch’stonusedtosaysoalso，tilltheMayortrouncedtwoorthreepeoplesoroundlythattheyheldtheirtonguesforthefuture？“
“Notallthat，butIsaidthatsillypeoplehadbelievedmetobetheSunchild’sson，andwhatadisgraceIshouldholdittobesontosuchanimpostor。”
“Whatdidhesaytothis？“
“HeaskedwhetherIshouldfeelthedisgracelessifHiggsweretoundothemischiefhehadcausedbycomingbackandshewinghimselftothepeopleforwhathewas。Buthesaiditwouldbenouseforhimtodoso，inasmuchaspeoplewouldkillhimbutwouldnotbelievehim。”
“Andyousaid？“
“Lethimcomeback，speakout，andchancewhatmightbefallhim。
Inthatcase，Ishouldhonourhim，fatherornofather。”
“Andhe？“
“Heaskedifthatwouldbeabargain；andwhenIsaiditwould，hegraspedmewarmlybythehandonHiggs’sbehalf——thoughwhatitcouldmattertohimpassesmycomprehension。”
“ButhesawthateventhoughHiggsweretoshewhimselfandsaywhohewas，itwouldmeandeathtohimselfandnogoodtoanyoneelse？“
“Perfectly。”
“Thenhecanhavemeantnothingbyshakinghandswithyou。Itwasanidlejest。Andnowforyourpoachers。Youdonotknowwhotheywere？Iwilltellyou。ThetwowhosatontheonesidethefirewereProfessorsHankyandPankyfromtheCityofthePeoplewhoareaboveSuspicion。”
“No。”saidGeorgevehemently。“Impossible。”
“Yes，mydearboy，quitepossible，andwhetherpossibleorimpossible，assuredlytrue。”
“Andthethirdman？“
“Thethirdmanwasdressedintheoldcostume。Hewasinpossessionofseveralbraceofbirds。TheProfessorsvowedtheyhadnoteatenany——“
“Ohyes，buttheyhad。”blurtedoutGeorge。
“Ofcoursetheyhad，mydear；andagoodthingtoo。Letusreturntothemanintheoldcostume。”
“Thatispuzzling。Whodidhesayhewas？“
“Hesaidhewasoneofyourmen；thatyouhadinstructedhimtoprovideyouwiththreedozenquailsforSunday；andthatyouletyourmenweartheoldcostumeiftheyhadanyofitleft，provided——
“
ThiswastoomuchforGeorge；hestartedtohisfeet。“What，mydearestmother，doesallthismean？Youhavebeenplayingwithmeallthrough。Whatiscoming？“
“Averylittlemore，andyoushallhear。ThismanstaidwiththeProfessorstillnearlymidnight，andthenleftthemonthepleathathewouldfinishthenightintheRanger’sshelter——“
“Ranger’sshelter，indeed！Why——“
“Hush，mydarlingboy，bepatientwithme。Hesaidhemustbeupbetimes，torundowntherestofthequailsyouhadorderedhimtobringyou。ButbeforeleavingtheProfessorshebeguiledthemintogivinghimuptheirpermit。”
“Then，saidGeorge，stridingabouttheroomwithhisfaceflushedandhiseyesflashing，“hewasthemanwithwhomIwalkeddownthisafternoon。”
“Exactlyso。”
“Andhemusthavechangedhisdress？“
“Exactlyso。”
“Butwhereandhow？“
“Atsomeplacenotveryfardownontheothersidetherange，wherehehadhiddenhisoldclothes。”
“Andwho，inthenameofallthatweholdmostsacred，doyoutakehimtohavebeen——forIseeyouknowmorethanyouhaveyettoldme？“
“Myson，hewasHiggstheSunchild，fathertothatboywhomIlovenexttomyhusbandmoredearlythananyoneinthewholeworld。”
Shefoldedherarmsabouthimforasecond，withoutkissinghim，andlefthim。“Andnow。”shesaid，themomentshehadclosedthedoor——“andnowImaycry。”
***
Shedidnotcryforlong，andhavingremovedalltraceoftearsasfarasmightbe，shereturnedtohersonoutwardlycomposedandcheerful。“ShallIsaymorenow。”shesaid，seeinghowgravehelooked，“orshallIleaveyou，andtalkfurtherwithyouto-
morrow？“
“Now——now——now！“
“Good！AlittlebeforeHiggscamehere，theMayor，ashenowis，poor，handsome，generoustoafaultsofarashehadthewherewithal，wasadoredbyallthewomenofhisownrankinSunch’ston。Reportsaidthathehadadoredmanyoftheminreturn，butafterhavingknownmeforaveryfewdays，heaskedmetomarryhim，protestingthathewasachangedman。Ilikedhim，aseveryoneelsedid，butIwasnotinlovewithhim，andsaidso；hesaidhewouldgivemeasmuchtimeasIchose，ifIwouldnotpoint-
blankrefusehim；andsothematterwasleft。
“WithinaweekorsoHiggswasbroughttotheprison，andhehadnotbeentherelongbeforeIfound，orthoughtIfound，thatI
likedhimbetterthanIlikedStrong。Iwasafool——butthere！AsforHiggs，heliked，butdidnotloveme。IfIhadlethimalonehewouldhavedonethelikebyme；andleteachotheralonewedid，tillthedaybeforehewastakendowntothecapital。Onthatday，whetherthroughhisfaultormineIknownot——weneitherofusmeantit——itwasasthoughNature，mydear，wasdeterminedthatyoushouldnotslipthroughherfingers——well，onthatdaywetookitintoourheadsthatwewerebroken-heartedlovers——therestfollowed。Andhow，mydearestboy，asIlookuponyou，canIfeignrepentance？
“Myhusband，whoneversawHiggs，andknewnothingabouthimexceptthetoolittlethatItoldhim，pressedhissuit，andaboutamonthafterHiggshadgone，havingrecoveredmypassinginfatuationforhim，ItookkindlytotheMayorandacceptedhim，withouttellinghimwhatIoughttohavetoldhim——butthewordsstuckinmythroat。IhadnotbeenengagedtohimmanydaysbeforeIfoundthattherewassomethingwhichIshouldnotbeabletohidemuchlonger。
“Youknow，mydear，thatmymotherhadbeenlongdead，andIneverhadasisteroranynearkinswoman。Atmywits’endwhoIshouldconsult，instinctdrewmetoMrs。Humdrum，thenawomanofaboutfive-and-forty。Shewasagrandlady，whileIwasabouttherankofoneofmyownhousemaids。Ihadnoclaimonher；Iwenttoherasalostdoglooksintothefacesofpeopleonaroad，andsinglesouttheonewhowillmostsurelyhelphim。Ihadhadagoodlookatheronceasshewasputtingonhergloves，andIlikedthewayshedidit。Imarvelatmyownboldness。Atanyrate，Iaskedtoseeher，andtoldhermystoryexactlyasIhavenowtoldittoyou。
“’Youhavenomother？’shesaid，whenshehadheardall。
“’No。’
“’Then，mydear，Iwillmotheryoumyself。Higgsisoutofthequestion，soStrongmustmarryyouatonce。Wewilltellhimeverything，andI，onyourbehalf，willinsistuponitthattheengagementisatanend。Iheargoodreportsofhim，andifwearefairtowardshimhewillbegeneroustowardsus。Besides，I
believeheissomuchinlovewithyouthathewouldsellhissoultogetyou。Sendhimtome。Icandealwithhimbetterthanyoucan。’“
“Andwhat。”saidGeorge，“didmyfather，asIshallalwayscallhim，saytoallthis？
“Truthbredchivalryinhimatonce。’Iwillmarryher，’hesaid，withhardlyamoment’shesitation，’butitwillbebetterthatI
shouldnotbeputonanylowerfootingthanHiggswas。Ioughtnottobedeniedanythingthathasbeenallowedtohim。IfIamtrusted，IcantrustmyselftotrustandthinknoevileitherofHiggsorher。Theywerepesteredbeyondendurance，asIhavebeenerenow。IfIamheldatarm’slengthtillIamfastbound，I
shallmarryYramjustthesame，butIdoubtwhethersheandIshalleverbequitehappy。’
“’Cometomyhousethisevening，’saidMrs。Humdrum，’andyouwillfindYramthere。’Hecame，hefoundme，andwithinafortnightweweremanandwife。”
“Howmuchdoesnotallthisexplain。”saidGeorge，smilingbutverygravely。“Andyouaregoingtoaskmetoforgiveyouforrobbingmeofsuchafather。”
“Hehasforgivenme，mydear，forrobbinghimofsuchason。Heneverreproachedme。Fromthatdaytothishehasnevergivenmeaharshwordorevensyllable。Whenyouwerebornhetooktoyouatonce，as，indeed，whocouldhelpdoing？foryouwerethesweetestchildbothinlooksandtemperthatitispossibletoconceive。
Yourhavinglighthairandeyesmadethingsmoredifficult；forthis，andyourbeingborn，almosttotheday，ninemonthsafterHiggshadleftus，madepeopletalk——butyourfatherkepttheirtongueswithinbounds。Theytalkstill，buttheylikedwhatlittletheysawofHiggs，theyliketheMayorandme，andtheylikeyouthebestofall；sotheypleasethemselvesbyhavingthethingbothways。Though，therefore，youaresontotheMayor，Higgscastsomemiraculousspelluponmebeforeheleft，wherebymysonshouldbeinsomemeasurehisaswellastheMayor’s。Itwasthismiraculousspellthatcausedyoutobeborntwomonthstoosoon，andwecalledyoubyHiggs’sfirstnameasthoughtoshowthatwetookthatviewofthematterourselves。
“Mrs。Humdrum，however，wasverypositivethattherewasnospellatall。ShehadrepeatedlyheardherfathersaythattheMayor’sgrandfatherwaslight-hairedandblue-eyed，andthateverythirdgenerationinthatfamilyalight-hairedsonwasborn。Thepeoplebelievethistoo。NobodydisbelievesMrs。Humdrum，buttheylikethemiraclebest，sothatishowithasbeensettled。
“IneverknewwhetherMrs。Humdrumtoldherhusband，butIthinkshemust；foraplacewasfoundalmostimmediatelyformyhusbandinMr。Humdrum’sbusiness。Hemadehimselfuseful；afterafewyearshewastakenintopartnership，andonMr。Humdrum’sdeathbecameheadofthefirm。Betweenourselves，hesayslaughinglythatallhissuccessinlifewasduetoHiggsandme。”
“IshallgiveMrs。Humdrumadoubledoseofkissing。”saidGeorgethoughtfully，“nexttimeIseeher。”
“Oh，do，do；shewillsolikeit。Andnow，mydarlingboy，tellyourpoormotherwhetherornoyoucanforgiveher。”
Heclaspedherinhisarms，andkissedheragainandagain，butforatimehecouldfindnoutterance。Presentlyhesmiled，andsaid，“OfcourseIdo，butitisyouwhoshouldforgiveme，forwasitnotallmyfault？“
WhenYram，too，hadbecomemorecalm，shesaid，“Itislate，andwehavenotimetolose。Higgs’scomingatthistimeismereaccident；ifhehadhadnewsfromErewhonhewouldhaveknownmuchthathedidnotknow。Icannotguesswhyhehascome——probablythroughmerecuriosity，buthewillhearorhaveheard——yes，youandhetalkedaboutit——ofthetemple；beinghere，hewillwanttoseethededication。FromwhatyouhavetoldmeIfeelsurethathewillnotmakeafoolofhimselfbysayingwhoheis，butinspiteofhisdisguisehemayberecognised。IdonotdoubtthatheisnowinSunch’ston；therefore，to-morrowmorningscourthetowntofindhim。Tellhimheisdiscovered，tellhimyouknowfrommethatheisyourfather，andthatIwishtoseehimwithallgood-
willtowardshim。Hewillcome。Wewillthentalktohim，andshowhimthathemustgobackatonce。Youcanescorthimtothestatues；afterpassingthemhewillbesafe。Hewillgiveyounotrouble，butifhedoes，arresthimonachargeofpoaching，andtakehimtothegaol，wherewemustdothebestwecanwithhim——
buthewillgiveyounone。WeneedsaynothingtotheProfessors。
Noonebutourselveswillknowofhishavingbeenhere。”
Onthissheagainembracedhersonandlefthim。Iftwophotographscouldhavebeentakenofher，oneassheopenedthedoorandlookedfondlybackonGeorge，andtheotherasshecloseditbehindher，thesecondportraitwouldhaveseemedtakentenyearslaterthanthefirst。
AsforGeorge，hewentgravelybutnotunhappilytohisownroom。
“Sothatready，plausiblefellow。”hemutteredtohimself，“wasmyownfather。Atanyrate，Iamnotsontoafool——andhelikedme。”
CHAPTERX：MYFATHER，FEARINGRECOGNITIONATSUNCH’-STON，BETAKES
HIMSELFTOTHENEIGHBOURINGTOWNOFFAIRMEAD
Iwillnowreturntomyfather。Whetherfromfatigueorover-
excitement，hesleptonlybyfitsandstarts，andwhenawakehecouldnotridhimselfoftheideathat，inspiteofhisdisguise，hemightberecognised，eitherathisinnorinthetown，bysomeoneofthemanywhohadseenhimwhenhewasinprison。Inthiscasetherewasnoknowingwhatmighthappen，butatbest，discoverywouldprobablypreventhisseeingthetemplededicatedtohimself，andhearingProfessorHanky’ssermon，whichhewasparticularlyanxioustodo。
SostronglydidhefeeltherealorfancieddangerheshouldincurbyspendingSaturdayinSunch’ston，thatheroseassoonasheheardanyonestirring，andhavingpaidhisbill，walkedquietlyoutofthehouse，withoutsayingwherehewasgoing。
Therewasatownabouttenmilesoff，notsoimportantasSunch’ston，buthavingsome10，000inhabitants；heresolvedtofindaccommodationthereforthedayandnight，andtowalkovertoSunch’stonintimeforthededicationceremony，whichhehadfoundoninquiry，wouldbeginateleveno’clock。
ThecountrybetweenSunch’stonandFairmead，asthetownjustreferredtowasnamed，wasstillmountainous，andbeingwellwoodedaswellaswellwatered，aboundedinviewsofsingularbeauty；butIhavenotimetodwellontheenthusiasmwithwhichmyfatherdescribedthemtome。TheroadtookhimatrightanglestothemainroaddownthevalleyfromSunch’stontothecapital，andthiswasonereasonwhyhehadchosenFairmeadratherthanClearwater，whichwasthenexttownlowerdownonthemainroad。Hedidnot，indeed，anticipatethatanyonewouldwanttofindhim，butwhoevermightsowantwouldbemorelikelytogostraightdownthevalleythantoturnasidetowardsFairmead。
Onreachingthisplace，hefounditprettyfullofpeople，forSaturdaywasmarket-day。Therewasaconsiderableopenspaceinthemiddleofthetown，withanarcaderunningroundthreesidesofit，whilethefourthwascompletelytakenupbythevenerableMusicalBankofthecity，abuildingwhichhadweatheredthestormsofmorethanfivecenturies。Ontheoutsideofthewall，abuttingonthemarket-place，werethreewoodensedilia，inwhichtheMayorandtwocoadjutorssateweeklyonmarket-daystogiveadvice，redressgrievances，and，ifnecessarywhichitveryseldomwastoadministercorrection。
Myfatherwasmuchinterestedinwatchingtheproceedingsinacasewhichhefoundoninquirytobenotinfrequent。AmanwascomplainingtotheMayorthathisdaughter，alovelychildofeightyearsold，hadnoneofthefaultscommontochildrenofherage，and，infact，seemedabsolutelydeficientinimmoralsense。Shenevertoldlies，hadneverstolensomuchasalollipop，nevershowedanyrecalcitrancyaboutsayingherprayers，andbyherincessantobediencehadfilledherpoorfatherandmotherwiththegravestanxietyasregardsherfuturewell-being。Hefeareditwouldbenecessarytosendhertoadeformatory。
“Ihavegenerallyfound。”saidtheMayor，gravelybutkindly，“thatthefaultinthesedistressingcasesliesratherwiththeparentthanthechildren。Doesthechildneverbreakanythingbyaccident？“
“Yes。”saidthefather。
“Andyouhavedulypunishedherforit？“
“Alas！sir，IfearIonlytoldhershewasanaughtygirl，andmustnotdoitagain。”
“Thenhowcanyouexpectyourchildtolearnthosepettyartsofdeceptionwithoutwhichshemustfallaneasypreytoanyonewhowishestodeceiveher？Howcanshedetectlyinginotherpeopleunlessshehashadsomeexperienceofitinherownpractice？How，again，canshelearnwhenitwillbewellforhertolie，andwhentorefrainfromdoingso，unlessshehasmademanyamistakeonasmallscalewhileatanagewhenmistakesdonotgreatlymatter？
TheSunchildandherehereverentlyraisedhishat，asyoumayreadinchapterthirty-oneofhisSayings，hasleftusatouchingtaleofalittleboy，who，havingcutdownanappletreeinhisfather’sgarden，lamentedhisinabilitytotellalie。Somecommentators，indeed，haveheldthattheevidencewassostronglyagainsttheboythatnoliewouldhavebeenofanyusetohim，andthathisperceptionofthisfactwasallthatheintendedtoconvey；butthebestauthoritiestakehissimplewords，’Icannottellalie，’intheirmostnaturalsense，asbeinghisexpressionofregretatthewayinwhichhiseducationhadbeenneglected。Ifthatcasehadcomebeforeme，Ishouldhavepunishedtheboy’sfather，unlesshecouldshowthatthebestauthoritiesaremistakenasindeedtheytoogenerallyare，andthatundermorefavourablecircumstancestheboywouldhavebeenabletolie，andwouldhaveliedaccordingly。
“Thereisnooccasionforyoutosendyourchildtoadeformatory。
IamalwaysaversetoextrememeasureswhenIcanavoidthem。
Moreover，inadeformatoryshewouldbealmostcertaintofallinwithcharactersasintractableasherown。Takeherhomeandwhiphernexttimeshesomuchaspullsaboutthesalt。Ifyouwilldothiswheneveryougetachance，Ihaveeveryhopethatyouwillhavenooccasiontocometomeagain。”
“Verywell，sir。”saidthefather，“Iwilldomybest，butthechildissoinstinctivelytruthfulthatIamafraidwhippingwillbeoflittleuse。”
Therewereothercases，noneofthemserious，whichintheolddayswouldhavebeentreatedbyastraightener。Myfatherhadalreadysurmisedthatthestraightenerhadbecomeextinctasaclass，havingbeensupersededbytheManagersandCashiersoftheMusicalBanks，butthisbecamemoreapparentashelistenedtothecasesthatnextcameon。Theseweredealtwithquitereasonably，exceptthatthemagistratealwaysorderedanemeticandastrongpurgeinadditiontotherestofhissentence，asholdingthatalldiseasesofthemoralsensespringfromimpuritieswithinthebody，whichmustbecleansedbeforetherecouldbeanyhopeofspiritualimprovement。Ifanydevilswerefoundinwhatpassedfromtheprisoner’sbody，hewastobebroughtupagain；forinthiscasetherestofthesentencemightverypossiblyberemitted。
WhentheMayorandhiscoadjutorshaddonesitting，myfatherstrolledroundtheMusicalBankandentereditbythemainentrance，whichwasonthetopofaflightofstepsthatwentdownontotheprincipalstreetofthetown。Howstrangeitisthat，nomatterhowgrossasuperstitionmayhavepollutedit，aholyplace，ifhallowedbylongveneration，remainsalwaysholy。LookatDelphi。Whatafrauditwas，andyethowhalloweditmusteverremain。Butlettingthispass，MusicalBanks，especiallywhenofgreatage，alwaysfascinatedmyfather，andbeingnowtiredwithhiswalk，hesatdownononeofthemanyrush-bottomedseats，andfortherewasnoserviceatthishourgavefreereintomeditation。
Howpeacefulitallwaswithitsdroningold-worldsmellofancestor，dryrot，andstaleincense。Asthecloudscameandwent，thegrey-green，cobweb-chastened，lightebbedandflowedoverthewallsandceiling；towatchthefitfulnessofitsstreamswasasufficientoccupation。Ahenlaidaneggoutsideandbegantocackle——itwasaneventofmagnitude；apeasantsharpeninghisscythe，ablacksmithhammeringathisanvil，theclackofawoodenshoeuponthepavement，theboomofabumble-bee，thedrippingofthefountain，allthesethings，withsuchconcertastheykept，invitedthedewy-featheredsleepthatvisitedhim，andheldhimforthebestpartofanhour。
MyfatherhassaidthattheErewhoniansneverputupmonumentsorwriteepitaphsfortheirdead，andthishebelievedtobestilltrue；butitwasnotsoalways，andonwakinghiseyewascaughtbyamonumentofgreatbeauty，whichboreadateofabout1550ofourera。Itwastoanoldlady，whomusthavebeenveryloveableifthesweetsmilingfaceofherrecumbentfigurewasasfaithfultotheoriginalasitsstronglymarkedindividualitysuggested。I
neednotgivetheearlierpartofherepitaph，whichwasconventionalenough，butmyfatherwassostruckwiththeconcludinglines，thathecopiedthemintothenote-bookwhichhealwayscarriedinhispocket。Theyran：-
IfallasleepinthefullandcertainhopeThatmyslumbershallnotbebroken；
AndthatthoughIbeall-forgetting，YetshallInotbeall-forgotten，ButcontinuethatlifeinthethoughtsanddeedsOfthoseIloved，Intowhich，whilethepowertostrivewasyetvouchsafedme，Ifondlystrovetoenter。
Myfatherdeploredhisinabilitytodojusticetothesubtletendernessoftheoriginal，buttheabovewasthenearesthecouldgettoit。
HowdifferentthisfromtheopinionsconcerningafuturestatewhichhehadtriedtosetbeforetheErewhonianssometwentyyearsearlier。Itallcamebacktohim，asthestorkshaddone，nowthathewasagaininanErewhonianenvironment，andheparticularlyrememberedhowoneyouthhadinveighedagainstourEuropeannotionsofheavenandhellwithacontemptuousflippancythatnothingbutyouthandignorancecouldevenpalliate。
“Sir。”hehadsaidtomyfather，“yourheavenwillnotattractmeunlessIcantakemyclothesandmyluggage。Yes；andImustlosemyluggageandfinditagain。Onarriving，Imustbetoldthatithasunfortunatelybeentakentoawrongcircle，andthattheremaybesomedifficultyinrecoveringit——oritshallhavebeensentuptomansionnumberfivehundredthousandmillionsninehundredthousandfortysixthousandeighthundredandeleven，whereasitshouldhavegonetofourhundredthousandmillions，&c。，&c。；andamIsurethatIaddresseditrightly？Then，whenIamjustgettingcrossenoughtorunsomeriskofbeingturnedout，theluggageshallmakeitsappearance，hat-box，umbrella，rug，golf-
sticks，bicycle，andeverythingelseallquitecorrect，andinmydelightIshalltiptheangeldoubleandrealisethatIamenjoyingmyself。
“OrImusthaveaskedwhatIcouldhaveforbreakfast，andbetoldIcouldhaveboiledeggs，oreggsandbacon，orfilletedplaice。
’Filletedplaice，’Ishallexclaim，’no！notthat。Haveyouanyredmullets？’Andtheangelwillsay，’Whyno，sir，thegulfhasbeensoroughthattherehashardlyanyfishcomeinthisthreedays，andtherehasbeensucharunonitthatwehavenothingleftbutplaice。’
“’Well，well，’Ishallsay，’haveyouanykidneys？’
“’Youcanhaveonekidney，sir’，willbetheanswer。
“’Onekidney，indeed，andyoucallthisheaven！Atanyrateyouwillhavesausages？’
“’Thentheangelwillsay，’WeshallhavesomeafterSunday，sir，butwearequiteoutofthematpresent。’
“AndIshallsay，somewhatsulkily，’ThenIsupposeImusthaveeggsandbacon。’
“Butinthemorningtherewillcomeuparedmullet，beautifullycooked，acoupleofkidneysandthreesausagesbrownedtoaturn，andseasonedwithjustsomuchsageandthymeaswillsavourwithoutoverwhelmingthem；andIshalleateverything。Itshallthentranspirethattheangelknewabouttheluggage，andwhatI
wastohaveforbreakfast，allthetime，butwantedtogivemethepleasureoffindingthingsturnoutbetterthanIhadexpected。
Heavenwouldbeadullplacewithoutsuchoccasionalpettyfalsealarmsasthese。”
Ihavenobusinesstoleavemyfather’sstory，butthemouthoftheoxthattreadethoutthecornshouldnotbesocloselymuzzledthathecannotsometimesfilchamouthfulforhimself；andwhenIhadcopiedouttheforegoingsomewhatirreverentparagraphs，whichI
tookdownwithnoimportantadditionoralterationfrommyfather’slips，Icouldnotrefrainfrommakingafewreflectionsofmyown，whichIwillaskthereader’sforbearanceifIlaybeforehim。
Letheavenandhellalone，butthinkofHades，withTantalus，Sisyphus，Tityus，andalltherestofthem。HowfutileweretheattemptsoftheoldGreeksandRomanstolaybeforeusanyplausibleconceptionofeternaltorture。WhatweretheDanaidsdoingbutthatwhicheachoneofushastododuringhisorherwholelife？Whatareourbodiesifnotsievesthatweareforevertryingtofill，butwhichwemustrefillcontinuallywithouthopeofbeingabletokeepthemfullforlongtogether？Dowemindthis？Notsolongaswecangetthewherewithaltofillthem；andtheDanaidsneverseemtohaverunshortofwater。Theywouldprobablyerelongtaketoclearingoutanyobstructionintheirsievesiftheyfoundthemgettingchoked。Whatcoulditmattertothemwhetherthesievesgotfullorno？Theywerenotpaidforfillingthem。
Sisyphus，again！Cananyonebelievethathewouldgoonrollingthatstoneyearafteryearandseeingitrolldownagainunlesshelikedseeingit？Wearenottoldthattherewasadragonwhichattackedhimwheneverhetriedtoshirk。Ifhehadgreatlycaredaboutgettinghisloadoverthelastpinch，experiencewouldhaveshownhimsomewayofdoingso。Theprobabilityisthathegottoenjoythedownwardrushofhisstone，andverylikelyamusedhimselfbysotimingitastocausethegreatestscaretothegreatestnumberoftheshadesthatwerebelow。
WhatthoughTantalusfoundthewatershunhimandthefruitsflyfromhimwhenhetriedtoseizethem？Thewriterofthe“Odyssey“
givesusnohintthathewasdyingofthirstorhunger。Theporesofhisskinwouldabsorbenoughwatertopreventthefirst，andwemaybesurethathegotfruitenough，onewayoranother，tokeephimgoing。
Tityus，asaneffortaftertheconceptionofaneternityoftorture，isnotsuccessful。Whatcouldaneaglematterontheliverofamanwhosebodycoverednineacres？Beforelonghewouldfinditanagreeablestimulant。If，then，thegreatestmindsofantiquitycouldinventnothingthatshouldcarrybetterconvictionofeternaltorture，isitlikelythattheconvictioncanbecarriedatall？
MethoughtIsawJovesittingonthetopmostridgesofOlympusandconfessingfailuretoMinerva。“Isee，mydear。”hesaid，“thatthereisnouseintryingtomakepeopleveryhappyorverymiserableforlongtogether。Pain，ifitdoesnotsoonkill，consistsnotsomuchinpresentsufferingasinthestillrecentmemoryofatimewhentherewasless，andinthefearthattherewillsoonbemore；andsohappinesslieslessinimmediatepleasurethaninlivelyrecollectionofaworsetimeandlivelyhopeofbetter。”
Asfortheyounggentlemanabovereferredto，myfathermethimwiththeassurancethattherehadbeenseveralcasesinwhichlivingpeoplehadbeencaughtupintoheavenorcarrieddownintohell，andbeenallowedtoreturntoearthandreportwhattheyhadseen；whiletoothersvisionshadbeenvouchsafedsoclearlythatthousandsofauthenticpictureshadbeenpaintedofbothstates。
Allincentivetogoodconduct，hehadthenalleged，wasfoundtobeatonceremovedfromthosewhodoubtedthefidelityofthesepictures。
Thisatleastwaswhathehadthensaid，butIhardlythinkhewouldhavesaiditatthetimeofwhichIamnowwriting。AshecontinuedtositintheMusicalBank，hetookfromhisvalisethepamphleton“ThePhysicsofVicariousExistence。”byDr。Gurgoyle，whichhehadboughtontheprecedingevening，doubtlessbeingledtochoosethisparticularworkbythetenoroftheoldlady’sepitaph。
Thesecondtitlehefoundtorun，“BeingStricturesonCertainHeresiesconcerningaFutureStatethathavebeenEngraftedontheSunchild’sTeaching。”
Myfathershudderedashereadthistitle。“Howlong。”hesaidtohimself，“willitbebeforetheyareatoneanother’sthroats？“
Onreadingthepamphlet，hefounditaddedlittletowhattheepitaphhadalreadyconveyed；butitinterestedhim，asshowingthat，howevercataclysmicachangeofnationalopinionsmayappeartobe，peoplewillfindmeansofbringingthenewintomoreorlessconformitywiththeold。
Hereitisameretruismtosaythatmanycontinuetoliveavicariouslifelongaftertheyhaveceasedtobeawareofliving。
ThisviewisasoldasthenonomnismoriarofHorace，andwemaybesuresomethousandsofyearsolder。Itisonly，therefore，withmuchdiffidencethatIhavedecidedtogivearesumeofopinionsmanyofwhichthosewhomIalonewishtopleasewillhavelaidtoheartfromtheiryouthupwards。Inbrief，Dr。Gurgoyle’scontentioncomestolittlemorethansayingthatthequickaremoredead，andthedeadmorequick，thanwecommonlythink。Tobealive，accordingtohim，isonlytobeunabletounderstandhowdeadoneis，andtobedeadisonlytobeinvinciblyignorantconcerningourownlivingness——forthedeadwouldbeaslivingasthelivingifwecouldonlygetthemtobelieveit。
CHAPTERXI：PRESIDENTGURGOYLE’SPAMPHLET“ONTHEPHYSICSOF
VICARIOUSEXISTENCE“
Belief，likeanyothermovingbody，followsthepathofleastresistance，andthispathhadledDr。Gurgoyletotheconviction，realorfeigned，thatmyfatherwassontothesun，probablybythemoon，andthathisascentintotheskywithanearthlybridewasduetothesun’sinterferencewiththelawsofnature。
Neverthelesshewaslookeduponasmoreorlessofasurvival，andwasdeemedlukewarm，ifnotheretical，bythosewhoseemedtobethepillarsofthenewsystem。
MyfathersoonfoundthatnotevenPankycouldmanipulatehisteachingmorefreelythantheDoctorhaddone。Myfatherhadtaughtthatwhenamanwasdeadtherewasanendofhim，untilheshouldriseagaininthefleshatthelastday，toenterintoeternityeitherofhappinessormisery。Hehad，indeed，oftentalkedoftheimmortalitywhichsomeachieveeveninthisworld；
buthehadcheapenedthis，declaringittobeanunsubstantialmockery，thatcouldgivenosuchcomfortinthehourofdeathaswasunquestionablygivenbybeliefinheavenandhell。
Dr。Gurgoyle，however，hadanequalhorror，ontheonehand，ofanythinginvolvingresumptionoflifebythebodywhenitwasoncedead，andontheother，oftheviewthatlifeendedwiththechangewhichwecalldeath。Hedidnot，indeed，pretendthathecoulddomuchtotakeawaythestingfromdeath，norwouldhedothisifhecould，forifmendidnotfeardeathunduly，theywouldoftencourtitunduly。Deathcanonlybebelaudedatthecostofbelittlinglife；butheheldthatareasonableassuranceoffairfameafterdeathisatruerconsolationtothedying，atruercomforttosurvivingfriends，andamorerealincentivetogoodconductinthislife，thananyoftheconsolationsorincentivesfalselyfatheredupontheSunchild。
Hebeganbysettingasideeverysayingascribed，howevertruly，tomyfather，ifitmadeagainsthisviews，andbyputtinghisownglossesonallthathecouldglozeintoanappearanceofbeinginhisfavour。Iwillpassoverhisattempttocombattherapidlyspreadingbeliefinaheavenandhellsuchasweaccept，andwillonlysummarisehiscontentionthat，ofourtwolives——namely，theoneweliveinourownpersons，andthatotherlifewhichweliveinotherpeoplebothbeforeourreputeddeathandafterit——thesecondisasessentialafactorofourcompletelifeasthefirstis，andsometimesmoreso。
Life，heurged，liesnotinbodilyorgans，butinthepowertousethem，andintheusethatismadeofthem——thatistosay，intheworktheydo。Astheessenceofafactoryisnotinthebuildingwhereintheworkisdone，noryetintheimplementsusedinturningitout，butinthewill-powerofthemasterandinthegoodshemakes；sothetruelifeofamanisinhiswillandwork，notinhisbody。“Those。”heargued，“whomakethelifeofamanresidewithinhisbody，arelikeonewhoshouldmistakethecarpenter’stool-boxforthecarpenter。”
Hemaintainedthatthishadbeenmyfather’steaching，forwhichmyfatherheartilytruststhathemaybeforgiven。
Hewentontosaythatourwill-powerisnotwhollylimitedtotheworkingofitsownspecialsystemoforgans，butundercertainconditionscanworkandbeworkeduponbyotherwill-powerslikeitself：sothatif，forexample，A’swill-powerhasgotsuchholdonB’sastobeable，throughB，toworkB’smechanism，whatseemstohavebeenB’sactionwillinrealityhavebeenmoreA’sthanB’s，andthisinthesamerealsenseasthoughthephysicalactionhadbeeneffectedthroughA’sownmechanicalsystem——A，infact，willhavebeenlivinginB。Theuniversallyadmittedmaximthathewhodoesthisorthatbythehandofanagentdoesithimself，shewsthattheforegoingviewisonlyaroundaboutwayofstatingwhatcommonsensetreatsasamatterofcourse。
Hence，thoughA’sindividualwill-powermustbeheldtoceasewhenthetoolsitworkswitharedestroyedoroutofgear，yet，solongasanysurvivorsweresopossessedbyitwhileitwasstillefficient，or，again，becomesoimpressedbyitsoperationonthemthroughworkthathehasleft，astoactinobediencetohiswill-
powerratherthantheirown，Ahasacertainamountofbonafidelifestillremaining。Hisvicariouslifeisnotaffectedbythedissolutionofhisbody；andinmanycasesthesumtotalofaman’svicariousactionandofitsoutcomeexceedstoanalmostinfiniteextentthesumtotalofthoseactionsandworksthatwereeffectedthroughthemechanismofhisownphysicalorgans。Inthesecaseshisvicariouslifeismoretrulyhislifethananythathelivedinhisownperson。
“True。”continuedtheDoctor，“whilelivinginhisownperson，amanknows，orthinksheknows，whatheisdoing，whereaswehavenoreasontosupposesuchknowledgeonthepartofonewhosebodyisalreadydust；buttheconsciousnessofthedoerhaslesstodowiththelivingnessofthedeedthanpeoplegenerallyadmit。Weknownothingofthepowerthatsetsourheartbeating，noryetofthebeatingitselfsolongasitisnormal。Weknownothingofourbreathingorofourdigestion，oftheall-importantworkweachievedasembryos，norofourgrowthfrominfancytomanhood。Noonewillsaythatthesewerenotactionsofalivingagent，butthemorenormal，thehealthier，andthusthemoretrulyliving，theagentis，thelesshewillknoworhaveknownofhisownaction。