Theoldman\'seyessweptthehorizon,thenheturnedtogoin,withoutmakinganotherobservation。Alllightseemedextinguishedinhimagain。WhenEdwardwentinhefoundhisfatherwiththebureauopen,unfoldingtheleaseswithashakinghand,foldingthemupagainwithoutreadingthem,thenputtingthemintheirnicheonlytoremovethemagain。
Adelaidewasintheroom。ShesaidthoughtfullytoEdward,asshewatchedthefarmer——
\'Ihopeitwon\'tkillpooruncle,Edward。Whatshouldwedoifanythingweretohappentohim?HeistheonlynearrelativeyouandIhaveintheworld。\'Itwasperfectlytrue,andsomehowEdwardfeltmoreboundupwithherafterthatremark。
Shecontinued:\'Andhewasonlysayingsohopefullythedaybeforethefire,thathewouldn\'tfortheworldletanyoneelsegivemeawaytoyouwhenwearemarried。\'
ForthefirsttimeaconscientiousdoubtaroseinEdward\'smindastothejusticeofthecoursehewaspursuinginresolvingtorefusethealternativeofferedbyMissAldclyffe。Coulditbeselfishnessaswellasindependence?Howmuchhehadthoughtofhisownheart,howlittlehehadthoughtofhisfather\'speaceofmind!
Theoldmandidnotspeakagaintillsupper-time,whenhebeganaskinghissonanendlessnumberofhypotheticalquestionsonwhatmightinduceMissAldclyffetolistentokinderterms;speakingofhernownotasanunfairwoman,butasaLachesisorFatewhosecourseitbehovednobodytocondemn。InhisearnestnessheonceturnedhiseyesonEdward\'sface:theirexpressionwaswoful:thepupilsweredilatedandstrangeinaspect。
\'Ifshewillonlyagreetothat!\'hereiteratedforthehundredthtime,increasingthesadnessofhislisteners。
Anaristocraticknockingcametothedoor,andJaneenteredwithaletter,addressed——
\'MR。EDWARDSPRINGROVE,Junior。\'
\'CharlesfromKnapwaterHousebroughtit,\'shesaid。
\'MissAldclyffe\'swriting,\'saidMr。Springrove,beforeEdwardhadrecognizedithimself。\'Now\'tisallright;she\'sgoingtomakeanoffer;shedoesn\'twantthehousesthere,notshe;theyaregoingtomakethatthewayintothepark。\'
Edwardopenedthesealandglancedattheinside。Hesaid,withasupremeeffortofself-command——
\'ItisonlydirectedbyMissAldclyffe,andreferstonothingconnectedwiththefire。Iwonderathertakingthetroubletosenditto-night。\'
Hisfatherlookedabsentlyathimandturnedawayagain。Shortlyafterwardstheyretiredforthenight。AloneinhisbedroomEdwardopenedandreadwhathehadnotdaredtorefertointheirpresence。
TheenvelopecontainedanotherenvelopeinCytherea\'shandwriting,addressedto\'——Manston,Esq。,OldManorHouse。\'Insidethiswasthenoteshehadwrittentothestewardafterherdetentioninhishousebythethunderstorm——
\'KNAPWATERHOUSE,September20th。
\'IfindIcannotmeetyouatseveno\'clockbythewaterfallasI
promised。TheemotionIfeltmademeforgetfulofrealities。
\'C。GRAYE。\'
MissAldclyffehadnotwrittenaline,and,bytheunvaryingruleobservablewhenwordsarenotanabsolutenecessity,hersilenceseemedtentimesasconvincingasanyexpressionofopinioncouldhavebeen。
Hethen,stepbystep,recalledalltheconversationonthesubjectofCytherea\'sfeelingsthathadpassedbetweenhimselfandMissAldclyffeintheafternoon,andbyaconfusionofthought,naturalenoughunderthetryingexperience,concludedthatbecausetheladywastruthfulinherportraitureofeffects,shemustnecessarilyberightinherassumptionofcauses。Thatis,hewasconvincedthatCytherea——thehitherto-believedfaithfulCytherea——had,atanyrate,lookedwithsomethingmorethanindifferenceupontheextremelyhandsomefaceandformofManston。
Didheblameher,asguiltyoftheimproprietyofallowingherselftolovethenewcomerinthefaceofhisnotbeingfreetoreturnherlove?No;neverforamomentdidhedoubtthatallhadoccurredinherold,innocent,impulsiveway;thatherheartwasgonebeforesheknewit——beforesheknewanything,beyondhisexistence,ofthemantowhomithadflown。Perhapstheverynoteenclosedtohimwastheresultoffirstreflection。Manstonhewouldunhesitatinglyhavecalledascoundrel,butforonestrikinglyredeemingfact。Ithadbeenpatenttothewholeparish,andhadcometoEdward\'sownknowledgebythatindirectchannel,thatManston,asamarriedman,conscientiouslyavoidedCythereaafterthosefirstfewdaysofhisarrivalduringwhichherirresistiblybeautifulandfatalglanceshadresteduponhim——hisuponher。
Takingfromhiscoatacreasedandpocket-wornenvelopecontainingCytherea\'slettertohimself,Springroveopeneditandreaditthrough。Hewasupbraidedtherein,andhewasdismissed。ItborethedateofthelettersenttoManston,andbycontainingwithinitthephrase,\'AllthedaylongIhavebeenthinking,\'affordedjustifiablegroundforassumingthatitwaswrittensubsequentlytotheotherandinEdward\'ssightfarsweeteronetothesteward。
Butthoughheaccusedheroffickleness,hewouldnotdoubtthegenuineness,initskind,ofherpartialityforhimatBudmouth。Itwasashortandshallowfeeling——notperfectlove:
\'LoveisnotloveWhichalterswhenitalterationfinds。\'
Butitwasnotflirtation;afeelinghadbeenborninherandhaddied。Itwouldbewellforhispeaceofmindifhisloveforhercouldflitawaysosoftly,andleavesofewtracesbehind。
MissAldclyffehadshownherselfdesperatelyconcernedinthewholematterbythealacritywithwhichshehadobtainedtheletterfromManston,andherlabourstoinducehimselftomarryhiscousin。
Takeninconnectionwithherapparentinterestin,ifnotlovefor,Cytherea,hereagerness,too,couldonlybeaccountedforonthegroundthatCythereaindeedlovedthesteward。
5。DECEMBERTHEFOURTH
Edwardpassedthenighthescarcelyknewhow,tossingfeverishlyfromsidetoside,thebloodthrobbinginhistemples,andsinginginhisears。
Beforethedaybegantobreakhedressedhimself。Ongoingoutuponthelandinghefoundhisfather\'sbedroomdooralreadyopen。Edwardconcludedthattheoldmanhadrisensoftly,aswashiswont,andgoneoutintothefieldstostartthelabourers。Butneitheroftheouterdoorswasunfastened。Heenteredthefrontroom,andfounditempty。Thenanimatedbyanewidea,hewentroundtothelittlebackparlour,inwhichthefewwreckssavedfromthefireweredeposited,andlookedinatthedoor。Here,nearthewindow,theshuttersofwhichhadbeenopenedhalfway,hesawhisfatherleaningonthebureau,hiselbowsrestingontheflap,hisbodynearlydoubled,hishandsclaspinghisforehead。Besidehimwereghostly-lookingsquarefoldsofparchment——theleasesofthehousesdestroyed。
HisfatherlookedupwhenEdwardentered,andwearilyspoketotheyoungmanashisfacecameintothefaintlight。
\'Edward,whydidyougetupsoearly?\'
\'Iwasuneasy,andcouldnotsleep。\'
Thefarmerturnedagaintotheleasesonthebureau,andseemedtobecomelostinreflection。Inaminuteortwo,withoutliftinghiseyes,hesaid——
\'Thisismorethanwecanbear,Ted——morethanwecanbear!Ted,thiswillkillme。Notthelossonly——thesenseofmyneglectabouttheinsuranceandeverything。BorrowIneverwill。\'Tisallmiserynow。Godhelpus——allmiserynow!\'
Edwarddidnotanswer,continuingtolookfixedlyatthedrearydaylightoutside。
\'Ted,\'thefarmerwenton,\'thisupsetofbe-enburntouto\'homemakesmeverynervousanddoubtfulabouteverything。There\'sthistroublesmebesides——ourlivenherewithyourcousin,andfillenupherhouse。Itmustbeveryawkwardforher。Butshesaysshedoesn\'tmind。Haveyousaidanythingtoherlatelyaboutwhenyouaregoingtomarryher?\'
\'Nothingatalllately。\'
\'Well,perhapsyoumayaswell,nowwearesomixedintogether。
Youknow,notimehaseverbeenmentionedtoheratall,firstorlast,andIthinkitrightthatnow,sinceshehaswaitedsopatientlyandsolong——youarealmostcalledupontosayyouareready。Itwouldsimplifymattersverymuch,ifyouweretowalkuptochurchwi\'heroneofthesemornings,getthethingdone,andgoonlivenhereasweare。Ifyoudon\'tImustgetahouseallthesooner。Itwouldlightenmymind,too,aboutthetwolittlefreeholdsoverthehill——notamorsela-piece,dividedastheywerebetweenhermotherandme,butatidybittiedtogetheragain。Justthinkaboutit,willye,Ted?\'
Hestoppedfromexhaustionproducedbytheintenseconcentrationofhisminduponthewearysubject,andlookedanxiouslyathisson。
\'Yes,Iwill,\'saidEdward。
\'ButIamgoingtoseeheroftheGreatHousethismorning,\'thefarmerwenton,histhoughtsrevertingtotheoldsubject。\'Imustknowtherightsofthematter,thewhenandthewhere。Idon\'tlikeseeingher,butI\'drathertalktoherthanthesteward。Iwonderwhatshe\'llsaytome。\'
Theyoungermanknewexactlywhatshewouldsay。Ifhisfatheraskedherwhathewastodo,andwhen,shewouldsimplyreferhimtoManston:hercharacterwasnotthatofawomanwhoshrankfromapropositionshehadoncelaiddown。Ifhisfatherweretosaytoherthathissonhadatlastresolvedtomarryhiscousinwithintheyear,andhadgivenherapromisetothateffect,shewouldsay,\'Mr。Springrove,thehousesareburnt:we\'llletthemgo:troublenomoreaboutthem。\'
Hismindwasalreadymadeup。Hesaidcalmly,\'Father,whenyouaretalkingtoMissAldclyffe,mentiontoherthatIhaveaskedAdelaideifsheiswillingtomarrymenextChristmas。SheisinterestedinmyunionwithAdelaide,andthenewswillbewelcometoher。\'
\'Andyetshecanbeironwithreferencetomeandherproperty,\'thefarmermurmured。\'Verywell,Ted,I\'lltellher。\'
6。DECEMBERTHEFIFTH
Ofthemanycontradictoryparticularsconstitutingawoman\'sheart,twohadshowntheirvigorouscontrastinCytherea\'sbosomjustatthistime。
Itwasadarkmorning,themorningafteroldMr。Springrove\'svisittoMissAldclyffe,whichhadterminatedasEdwardhadintended。
Havingrisenanhourearlierthanwasusualwithher,Cythereasatatthewindowofanelegantlittlesitting-roomonthegroundfloor,whichhadbeenappropriatedtoherbythekindnessorwhimofMissAldclyffe,thatshemightnotbedrivenintothatlady\'spresenceagainstherwill。Sheleantwithherfaceonherhand,lookingoutintothegloomygreyair。Ayellowglimmerfromtheflappingflameofthenewly-litfireflutteredononesideofherfaceandnecklikeabutterflyabouttosettlethere,contrastingwarmlywiththeothersideofthesamefairface,whichreceivedfromthewindowthefaintcoldmorninglight,soweakthathershadowfromthefirehadadistinctoutlineonthewindow-shutterinspiteofit。Theretheshadowdancedlikeademon,blueandgrim。
ThecontradictionalludedtowasthatinspiteofthedecisivemoodwhichtwomonthsearlierintheyearhadcausedhertowriteaperemptoryandfinallettertoEdward,shewasnowhopingforsomeanswerotherthantheonlypossibleoneamanwho,assheheld,didnotloveherwildly,couldsendtosuchacommunication。Foraloverwhodidlovewildly,shehadleftonelittleloopholeinherotherwisestraightforwardepistle。Whysheexpectedtheletteronsomemorningofthisparticularweekwas,thathearingofhisreturntoCarriford,shefondlyassumedthathemeanttoaskforaninterviewbeforeheleft。Henceitwas,too,thatforthelastfewdays,shehadnotbeenabletokeepinbedlaterthanthetimeofthepostman\'sarrival。
Theclockpointedtohalf-pastseven。Shesawthepostmanemergefrombeneaththebareboughsoftheparktrees,comethroughthewicket,divethroughtheshrubbery,reappearonthelawn,stalkacrossitwithoutreferencetopaths——ascountrypostmendo——andcometotheporch。Sheheardhimflingthebagdownontheseat,andturnawaytowardsthevillage,withouthinderinghimselfforasinglepace。
Thenthebutleropenedthedoor,tookupthebag,broughtitin,andcarrieditupthestaircasetoplaceitontheslabbyMissAldclyffe\'sdressing-roomdoor。Thewholeproceedinghadbeendepictedbysounds。
Shehadapresentimentthatherletterwasinthebagatlast。Shethoughtthenindiminishingpulsationsofconfidence,\'Heaskstoseeme!Perhapsheaskstoseeme:Ihopeheaskstoseeme。\'
Aquartertoeight:MissAldclyffe\'sbell——ratherearlierthanusual。\'Shemusthaveheardthepost-bagbrought,\'saidthemaiden,as,tiredofthechillyprospectoutside,sheturnedtothefire,anddrewimaginativepicturesofherfuturetherein。
Atapcametothedoor,andthelady\'s-maidentered。
\'MissAldclyffeisawake,\'shesaid;\'andsheaskedifyouweremovingyet,miss。\'
\'I\'llrunuptoher,\'saidCytherea,andflittedoffwiththeutteranceofthewords。\'Veryfortunatethis,\'shethought;\'I
shallseewhatisinthebagthismorningallthesooner。\'
Shetookitupfromthesidetable,wentintoMissAldclyffe\'sbedroom,pulleduptheblinds,andlookedroundupontheladyinbed,calculatingtheminutesthatmustelapsebeforeshelookedatherletters。
\'Well,darling,howareyou?Iamgladyouhavecomeintoseeme,\'
saidMissAldclyffe。\'Youcanunlockthebagthismorning,child,ifyoulike,\'shecontinued,yawningfactitiously。
\'Strange!\'Cythereathought;\'itseemsasifsheknewtherewaslikelytobealetterforme。\'
FromherbedMissAldclyffewatchedthegirl\'sfaceasshetremblinglyopenedthepost-bagandfoundthereanenvelopeaddressedtoherinEdward\'shandwriting;onehehadwrittenthedaybefore,afterthedecisionhehadcometoonanimpartial,andonthataccounttorturing,surveyofhisown,hisfather\'s,hiscousinAdelaide\'s,andwhathebelievedtobeCytherea\'s,position。
Thehaughtymistress\'ssoulsickenedremorsefullywithinherwhenshesawsuddenlyappearuponthespeakingcountenanceoftheyoungladybeforeherawandesolatelookofagony。
Themaster-sentencesofEdward\'sletterwerethese:\'Youspeaktruly。Thatwenevermeetagainisthewisestandonlypropercourse。ThatIregretthepastasmuchasyoudoyourself,itishardlynecessaryformetosay。\'
XII。THEEVENTSOFTENMONTHS
1。DECEMBERTOAPRIL
Weekafterweek,monthaftermonth,thetimehadflownby。
Christmashadpassed;drearywinterwithdarkeveningshadgivenplacetomoredrearywinterwithlightevenings。Thawshadendedinrain,raininwind,windindust。Showerydayshadcome——theperiodofpinkdawnsandwhitesunsets;withthethirdweekinAprilthecuckoohadappeared,withthefourth,thenightingale。
EdwardSpringrovewasinLondon,attendingtothedutiesofhisnewoffice,andithadbecomeknownthroughouttheneighbourhoodofCarrifordthattheengagementbetweenhimselfandMissAdelaideHintonwouldterminateinmarriageattheendoftheyear。
TheonlyoccasiononwhichherloveroftheidledeliciousdaysatBudmouthwatering-placehadbeenseenbyCythereaafterthetimeofthedecisivecorrespondence,wasonceinchurch,whenhesatinfrontofher,andbesideMissHinton。
Therencounterwasquiteanaccident。SpringrovehadcomethereinthefullbeliefthatCythereawasawayfromhomewithMissAldclyffe;andhecontinuedignorantofherpresencethroughouttheservice。
Itisatsuchmomentsasthese,whenasensitivenaturewrithesundertheconceptionthatitsmostcherishedemotionshavebeentreatedwithcontumely,thatthesphere-descendedMaid,Music,friendofPleasureatothertimes,becomesapositiveenemy——
racking,bewildering,unrelenting。ThecongregationsangthefirstPsalmandcametotheverse——
\'Likesomefairtreewhich,fedbystreams,Withtimelyfruitdothbend,Hestillshallflourish,andsuccessAllhisdesignsattend。\'
Cytherea\'slipsdidnotmove,nordidanysoundescapeher;butcouldshehelpsingingthewordsinthedepthsofherbeing,althoughthemantowhomsheappliedthemsatatherrival\'sside?
Perhapsthemoralcompensationforallawoman\'spettyclevernessunderthrivingconditionsistherealnobilitythatliesinherextremefoolishnessattheseothertimes;hersheerinabilitytobesimplyjust,herexerciseofanillogicalpowerentirelydeniedtomeningeneral——thepowernotonlyofkissing,butofdelightingtokisstherodbyapunctiliousobservanceoftheself-immolatingdoctrinesintheSermonontheMount。
AsforEdward——alittlelikeothermenofhistemperament,towhom,itissomewhathumiliatingtothink,theaberrancyofagivenloveisinitselfarecommendation——hissentiment,ashelookedoverhiscousin\'sbook,wasofalowerrank,HoratianratherthanPsalmodic——
\'O,whathastthouofher,ofherWhoseeverylookdidloveinspire;
Whoseeverybreathingfannedmyfire,Andstolemefrommyselfaway!\'
Then,withoutlettinghimseeher,Cythereasliptoutofchurchearly,andwenthome,thetonesoftheorganstilllingeringinherearsasshetriedbravelytokillajealousthoughtthatwouldneverthelesslive:\'Mynatureisonecapableofmore,farmore,intensefeelingthanhers!Shecan\'tappreciateallthesidesofhim——sheneverwill!Heismoretangibletomeevennow,asathought,thanhispresenceitselfistoher!\'Shewaslessnoblethen。
Butshecontinuallyrepressedhermiseryandbitternessofhearttilltheefforttodososhowedsignsoflessening。Atlengthsheeventriedtohopethatherlostloverandherrivalwouldloveoneanotherverydearly。
Thesceneandthesentimentdroppedintothepast。Meanwhile,Manstoncontinuedvisiblybeforeher。He,thoughquietandsubduedinhisbearingforalongtimeafterthecalamityofNovember,hadnotsimulatedagriefthathedidnotfeel。Atfirsthislossseemedsotoabsorbhim——thoughasastartlingchangeratherthanasaheavysorrow——thathepaidCythereanoattentionwhatever。Hisconductwasuniformlykindandrespectful,butlittlemore。Then,asthedateofthecatastrophegrewremoter,hebegantowearadifferentaspecttowardsher。Healwayscontrivedtoobliteratebyhismannerallrecollectiononhersidethatshewascomparativelymoredependentthanhimself——makingmuchofherwomanhood,nothingofhersituation。Prompttoaidherwheneveroccasionoffered,andfullofdelightfulpetitssoinsatalltimes,hewasnotofficious。
Inthiswayheirresistiblywonforhimselfapositionasherfriend,andthemoreeasilyinthatheallowednotthefaintestsymptomoftheoldlovetobeapparent。
MattersstoodthusinthemiddleofthespringwhenthenextmoveonhisbehalfwasmadebyMissAldclyffe。
2。THETHIRDOFMAY
SheledCythereatoasummer-housecalledtheFane,builtintheprivategroundsaboutthemansionintheformofaGreciantemple;
itoverlookedthelake,theislandonit,thetrees,andtheirundisturbedreflectioninthesmoothstillwater。Heretheoldandyoungmaidhalted;heretheystood,sidebyside,mentallyimbibingthescene。
ThemonthwasMay——thetime,morning。Cuckoos,thrushes,blackbirds,andsparrowsgaveforthaperfectconfusionofsongandtwitter。Theroadwasspottedwhitewiththefallenleavesofapple-blossoms,andthesparklinggreydewstilllingeredonthegrassandflowers。Twoswansfloatedintoviewinfrontofthewomen,andthencrossedthewatertowardsthem。
\'Theyseemtocometouswithoutanywilloftheirown——quiteinvoluntarily——don\'tthey?\'saidCytherea,lookingatthebirds\'
gracefuladvance。
\'Yes,butifyoulooknarrowlyyoucanseetheirhipsjustbeneaththewater,workingwiththegreatestenergy。\'
\'I\'drathernotseethat,itspoilstheideaofproudindifferencetodirectionwhichweassociatewithaswan。\'
\'Itdoes;we\'llhave“involuntarily。“Ah,nowthisremindsmeofsomething。\'
\'Ofwhat?\'
\'Ofahumanbeingwhoinvoluntarilycomestowardsyourself。\'
CytherealookedintoMissAldclyffe\'sface;hereyesgrewroundascircles,andlinesofwondermentcamevisiblyuponhercountenance。
ShehadnotonceregardedManstonasaloversincehiswife\'ssuddenappearanceandsubsequentdeath。Thedeathofawife,andsuchadeath,wasanoverwhelmingmatterinherideasofthings。
\'Isitamanorwoman?\'shesaid,quiteinnocently。
\'Mr。Manston,\'saidMissAldclyffequietly。
\'Mr。ManstonattractedbymeNOW?\'saidCytherea,standingatgaze。
\'Didn\'tyouknowit?\'
\'CertainlyIdidnot。Why,hispoorwifehasonlybeendeadsixmonths。\'
\'Ofcourseheknowsthat。Butlovingisnotdonebymonths,ormethod,orrule,ornobodywouldeverhaveinventedsuchaphraseas“fallinginlove。“Hedoesnotwanthislovetobeobservedjustyet,ontheveryaccountyoumention;butconcealitashemayfromhimselfandus,itexistsdefinitely——andveryintensely,Iassureyou。\'
\'Isupposethen,thatifhecan\'thelpit,itisnoharmofhim,\'
saidCythereanaively,andbeginningtoponder。
\'Ofcourseitisn\'t——youknowthatwellenough。Shewasagreatburdenandtroubletohim。Thismaybecomeagreatgoodtoyouboth。\'
Arushoffeelingatrememberingthatthesamewoman,beforeManston\'sarrival,hadjustasfranklyadvocatedEdward\'sclaims,checkedCytherea\'sutteranceforawhile。
\'There,don\'tlookatmelikethat,forHeaven\'ssake!\'saidMissAldclyffe。\'Youcouldalmostkillapersonbytheforceofreproachyoucanputintothoseeyesofyours,Iverilybelieve。\'
Edwardonceintheyounglady\'sthoughts,therewasnogettingridofhim。Shewantedtobealone。
\'Doyouwantmehere?\'shesaid。
\'Nowthere,there;youwanttobeoff,andhaveagoodcry,\'saidMissAldclyffe,takingherhand。\'Butyoumustn\'t,mydear。
There\'snothinginthepastforyoutoregret。CompareMr。
Manston\'shonourableconducttowardshiswifeandyourself,withSpringrovetowardshisbetrothedandyourself,andthenseewhichappearsthemoreworthyofyourthoughts。\'
3。FROMTHEFOURTHOFMAYTOTHETWENTY-FIRSTOFJUNE
ThenextstageinManston\'sadvancestowardsherhandwasaclearlydefinedcourtship。Shewassadlyperplexed,andsomecontrivancewasnecessaryonhispartinordertomeetwithher。Butitisnexttoimpossibleforanappreciativewomantohaveapositiverepugnancetowardsanunusuallyhandsomeandgiftedman,eventhoughshemaynotbeinclinedtolovehim。HenceCythereawasnotsoalarmedatthesightofhimastorenderameetingandconversationwithhermorethanamatterofdifficulty。
Comingandgoingfromchurchwashisgrandopportunity。Manstonwasveryreligiousnow。Itiscommonlysaidthatnomanwaseverconvertedbyargument,butthereisasingleonewhichwillmakeanyLaodiceaninEngland,lethimbeoncelove-sick,wearprayer-booksandbecomeazealousEpiscopalian——theargumentthathissweetheartcanbeseenfromhispew。
Manstonintroducedintohismethodasystemofbewitchingflattery,everywherepervasive,yet,too,sotransitoryandintangible,that,asinthecaseofthepoetWordsworthandtheWanderingVoice,thoughshefeltitpresent,shecouldneverfindit。Asafoiltoheightenitseffect,heoccasionallyspokephilosophicallyoftheevanescenceoffemalebeauty——theworthlessnessofmereappearance。
\'Handsomeisthathandsomedoes\'heconsideredaproverbwhichshouldbewrittenonthelooking-glassofeverywomanintheland。
\'Yourform,yourmotions,yourhearthavewonme,\'hesaid,inatoneofplayfulsadness。\'Theyarebeautiful。ButIseethesethings,anditcomesintomymindthattheyaredoomed,theyareglidingtonothingasIlook。Pooreyes,poormouth,poorface,poormaiden!“Wherewillhergloriesbeintwentyyears?”Isay。
“Wherewillallofherbeinahundred?”ThenIthinkitiscruelthatyoushouldbloomaday,andfadeforeverandever。ItseemshardandsadthatyouwilldieasordinarilyasI,andbeburied;befoodforrootsandworms,beforgottenandcometoearth,andgrowupamerebladeofchurchyard-grassandanivyleaf。Then,MissGraye,whenIseeyouareaLovelyNothing,Ipityyou,andtheloveIfeelthenisbetterandsounder,largerandmorelastingthanthatIfeltatthebeginning。\'Againanardentflashofhishandsomeeyes。
Itwasbythisroutethatheventuredonanindirectdeclarationandofferofhishand。
Sheimpliedinthesameindirectmannerthatshedidnotlovehimenoughtoacceptit。
Anactualrefusalwasmorethanhehadexpected。Cursinghimselfforwhathecalledhisegregiousfollyinmakinghimselftheslaveofamerelady\'sattendant,andforhavinggiventheparish,shouldtheyknowofherrefusal,achanceofsneeringathim——certainlyagroundforthinkinglessofhisstandingthanbefore——hewenthometotheOldHouse,andwalkedindecisivelyupanddownhisback-yard。
Turningaside,heleanthisarmsupontheedgeoftherain-water-
buttstandinginthecorner,andlookedintoit。ThereflectionfromthesmoothstagnantsurfacetingedhisfacewiththegreenishshadesofCorreggio\'snudes。Stavesofsunlightslanteddownthroughthestillpool,lightingitupwithwonderfuldistinctness。
Hundredsofthousandsofminutelivingcreaturessportedandtumbledinitsdepthwitheverycontortionthatgaietycouldsuggest;
perfectlyhappy,thoughconsistingonlyofahead,oratail,oratmostaheadandatail,andalldoomedtodiewithinthetwenty-fourhours。
\'Damnmyposition!Whyshouldn\'tIbehappythroughmylittledaytoo?Lettheparishsneeratmyrepulses,letit。I\'llgether,ifImoveheavenandearthtodoit!\'
Indeed,theinexperiencedCythereahad,towardsEdwardinthefirstplace,andManstonafterwards,unconsciouslyadoptedbearingsthatwouldhavebeentheverytacticsofaprofessionalfisherofmenwhowishedtohavethemeachsuccessivelydanglingatherheels。Forifanyruleatallcanbelaiddowninamatterwhich,formencollectively,isnotoriouslybeyondregulation,itisthattosnubapettedman,andtopetasnubbedman,isthewaytowininsuitsofbothkinds。ManstonwithSpringrove\'sencouragementwouldhavebecomeindifferent。EdwardwithManston\'srepulseswouldhavesheeredoffattheoutset,ashedidafterwards。HersupremeindifferenceaddedfueltoManston\'sardour——itcompletelydisarmedhispride。TheinvulnerableNobodyseemedgreatertohimthanasusceptiblePrincess。
4。FROMTHETWENTY-FIRSTOFJUNETOTHEENDOFJULY
Cythereahadinthemeantimereceivedthefollowingletterfromherbrother。Itwasthefirstdefinitenotificationoftheenlargementofthatcloudnobiggerthanaman\'shandwhichhadfornearlyatwelvemonthhungbeforetheminthedistance,andwhichwassoontogiveacolourtotheirwholeskyfromhorizontohorizon。
\'BUDMOUTHREGIS,Saturday。
\'DARLINGSIS,——Ihavedelayedtellingyouforalongtimeofalittlematterwhich,thoughnotonetobeseriouslyalarmedabout,issufficientlyvexing,anditwouldbeunfairinmetokeepitfromyouanylonger。ItisthatforsometimepastIhaveagainbeendistressedbythatlamenesswhichIfirstdistinctlyfeltwhenwewenttoLulsteadCove,andagainwhenIleftKnapwaterthatmorningearly。Itisanunusualpaininmyleftleg,betweenthekneeandtheankle。Ihadjustfoundfreshsymptomsofitwhenyouwerehereforthathalf-houraboutamonthago——whenyousaidinfunthatI
begantomovelikeanoldman。Ihadagoodmindtotellyouthen,butfancyingitwouldgooffinafewdays,Ithoughtitwasnotworthwhile。Sincethattimeithasincreased,butIamstillabletoworkintheoffice,sittingonthestool。MygreatfearisthatMr。G。willhavesomeout-doormeasuringworkformetodosoon,andthatIshallbeobligedtodeclineit。However,wewillhopeforthebest。Howitcame,whatwasitsorigin,orwhatittendsto,I
cannotthink。Youshallhearagaininadayortwo,ifitisnobetter——Yourlovingbrother,OWEN。\'
Thissheanswered,beggingtoknowtheworst,whichshecouldbear,butsuspenseandanxietynever。Intwodayscameanotherletterfromhim,ofwhichthesubjoinedparagraphisaportion:——
\'Ihadquitedecidedtoletyouknowtheworst,andtoassureyouthatitwastheworst,beforeyouwrotetoaskit。AndagainIgiveyoumywordthatIwillconcealnothing——sothattherewillbenoexcusewhateverforyourwearingyourselfoutwithfearsthatIamworsethanIsay。Thismorningthen,forthefirsttime,Ihavebeenobligedtostayawayfromtheoffice。Don\'tbefrightenedatthis,dearCytherea。Restisallthatiswanted,andbynursingmyselfnowforaweek,Imayavoidanillnessofsixmonths。\'
Afteravisitfromherhewroteagain:——
\'Dr。Chestmanhasseenme。Hesaidthattheailmentwassomesortofrheumatism,andIamnowundergoingpropertreatmentforitscure。Mylegandfoothavebeenplacedinhotbran,linimentshavebeenapplied,andalsoseverefrictionwithapad。HesaysIshallbeasrightaseverinaveryshorttime。DirectlyIamIshallrunupbythetraintoseeyou。Don\'ttroubletocometomeifMissAldclyffegrumblesagainaboutyourbeingaway,forIamgoingoncapitally……Youshallhearagainattheendoftheweek。\'
Atthetimementionedcamethefollowing:——
\'Iamsorrytotellyou,becauseIknowitwillbesodishearteningaftermylastletter,thatIamnotsowellasIwasthen,andthattherehasbeenasortofhitchintheproceedings。AfterIhadbeentreatedforrheumatismafewdayslongerinwhichtreatmenttheyprickedtheplacewithalongneedleseveraltimes,IsawthatDr。
Chestmanwasindoubtaboutsomething,andIrequestedthathewouldcallinabrotherprofessionalmantoseemeaswell。Theyconsultedtogetherandthentoldmethatrheumatismwasnotthediseaseafterall,buterysipelas。Theythenbegantreatingitdifferently,asbecameadifferentmatter。Blisters,flour,andstarch,seemtobetheorderofthedaynow——medicine,ofcourse,besides。
\'Mr。Gradfieldhasbeenintoinquireaboutme。Hesayshehasbeenobligedtogetadesignerinmyplace,whichgrievesmeverymuch,though,ofcourse,itcouldnotbeavoided。\'
Amonthpassedaway;throughoutthisperiod,Cythereavisitedhimasoftenasthelimitedtimeathercommandwouldallow,andworeascheerfulacountenanceasthewomanlydeterminationtodonothingwhichmightdepresshimcouldenablehertowear。Anotherletterfromhimthentoldhertheseadditionalfacts:——
\'Thedoctorsfindtheyareagainonthewrongtack。Theycannotmakeoutwhatthediseaseis。OCytherea!howIwishtheyknew!
Thissuspenseiswearingmeout。CouldnotMissAldclyffespareyouforaday?Docometome。Wewilltalkaboutthebestcoursethen。
Iamsorrytocomplain,butIamwornout。“
CythereawenttoMissAldclyffe,andtoldherofthemelancholyturnherbrother\'sillnesshadtaken。MissAldclyffeatoncesaidthatCythereamightgo,andofferedtodoanythingtoassistherwhichlayinherpower。Cytherea\'seyesbeamedgratitudeassheturnedtoleavetheroom,andhastentothestation。
\'O,Cytherea,\'saidMissAldclyffe,callingherback;\'justoneword。HasMr。Manstonspokentoyoulately?\'
\'Yes,\'saidCytherea,blushingtimorously。
\'Heproposed?\'
\'Yes。\'
\'Andyourefusedhim?\'
\'Yes。\'
\'Tut,tut!Nowlistentomyadvice,\'saidMissAldclyffeemphatically,\'andaccepthimbeforehechangeshismind。Thechancewhichheoffersyouofsettlinginlifeisonethatmaypossibly,probably,notoccuragain。Hispositionisgoodandsecure,andthelifeofhiswifewouldbeahappyone。Youmaynotbesurethatyoulovehimmadly;butsupposeyouarenotsure?Myfatherusedtosaytomeasachildwhenhewasteachingmewhist,“Whenindoubtwinthetrick!”Thatadviceistentimesasvaluabletoawomanonthesubjectofmatrimony。Inrefusingamanthereisalwaystheriskthatyoumaynevergetanotheroffer。\'
\'Whydidn\'tyouwinthetrickwhenyouwereagirl?\'saidCytherea。
\'Come,myladyPert;I\'mnotthetext,\'saidMissAldclyffe,herfaceglowinglikefire。
Cytherealaughedstealthily。
\'Iwasabouttosay,\'resumedMissAldclyffeseverely,\'thathereisMr。Manstonwaitingwiththetenderestsolicitudeforyou,andyouoverlookingit,asifitwerealtogetherbeneathyou。ThinkhowyoumightbenefityoursickbrotherifyouwereMrs。Manston。YouwillpleasemeVERYMUCHbygivinghimsomeencouragement。Youunderstandme,Cythiedear?\'
Cythereawassilent。
\'And,\'saidMissAldclyffe,stillmoreemphatically,\'onyourpromisingthatyouwillaccepthimsometimethisyear,Iwilltakeespecialcareofyourbrother。Youarelistening,Cytherea?\'
\'Yes,\'shewhispered,leavingtheroom。
ShewenttoBudmouth,passedthedaywithherbrother,andreturnedtoKnapwaterwretchedandfullofforeboding。Owenhadlookedstartlinglythinandpale——thinnerandpalerthanevershehadseenhimbefore。Thebrotherandsisterhadthatdaydecidedthatnotwithstandingthedrainupontheirslenderresources,anothersurgeonshouldseehim。Timewaseverything。
Owentoldhertheresultinhisnextletter:——
\'Thethreepractitionersbetweenthemhaveatlasthitthenailonthehead,Ihope。Theyprobedtheplace,anddiscoveredthatthesecretlayinthebone。Iunderwentanoperationforitsremovalthreedaysagoaftertakingchloroform……ThankGoditisover。
ThoughIamsoweak,myspiritsareratherbetter。IwonderwhenI
shallbeatworkagain?Iaskedthesurgeonshowlongitwouldbefirst。Isaidamonth?Theyshooktheirheads。Ayear?Isaid。
Notsolong,theysaid。Sixmonths?Iinquired。Theywouldnot,orcouldnot,tellme。Butnevermind。
\'Rundown,whenyouhavehalfadaytospare,forthehoursdragonsodrearily。OCytherea,youcan\'tthinkhowdrearily!\'
Shewent。ImmediatelyonherdepartureMissAldclyffesentanotetotheOldHouse,toManston。Onthemaiden\'sreturn,tiredandsickatheartasusual,shefoundManstonatthestationawaitingher。HeaskedpolitelyifhemightaccompanyhertoKnapwater。Shetacitlyacquiesced。Duringtheirwalkheinquiredtheparticularsofherbrother\'sillness,andwithanirresistibledesiretopourouthertroubletosomeone,shetoldhimofthelengthoftimewhichmustelapsebeforehecouldbestrongagain,andofthelackofcomfortinlodgings。
Manstonwassilentawhile。Thenhesaidimpetuously:\'MissGraye,Iwillnotmincematters——Iloveyou——youknowit。Stratagemtheysayisfairinlove,andIamcompelledtoadoptitnow。Forgiveme,forIcannothelpit。Consenttobemywifeatanytimethatmaysuityou——anyremotedayyoumaynamewillsatisfyme——andyoushallfindhimwellprovidedfor。\'
Forthefirsttimeinherlifeshetrulydreadedthehandsomemanathersidewhopleadedthusselfishly,andshrankfromthehotvoluptuousnatureofhispassionforher,which,disguiseitashemightunderaquietandpolishedexterior,attimesradiatedforthwithascorchingwhiteheat。Sheperceivedhowanimalwasthelovewhichbargained。
\'Idonotloveyou,Mr。Manston,\'sherepliedcoldly。
5。FROMTHEFIRSTTOTHETWENTY-SEVENTHOFAUGUST
Thelongsunnydaysofthelatersummer-timebroughtonlythesamedrearyaccountsfromBudmouth,andsawCythereapayingthesamesadvisits。
Shegrewperceptiblyweaker,inbodyandmind。Manstonstillpersistedinhissuit,butwithmoreofhisformerindirectness,nowthathesawhowunexpectedlywellshestoodanopenattack。HiswasthesystemofDaresattheSiciliangames——
\'He,likeacaptainwhobeleaguersroundSomestrong-builtcastleonarisingground,Viewsalltheapproacheswithobservingeyes,Thisandthatotherpartagainhetries,Andmoreonindustrythanforcerelies。\'
MissAldclyffemadeitappearmoreclearlythaneverthataidtoOwenfromherselfdependedentirelyuponCytherea\'sacceptanceofhersteward。Hemmedinanddistressed,Cytherea\'sanswerstohisimportunitiesgrewlessuniform;theywerefirm,orwavering,asOwen\'smaladyfluctuated。Hadaregisterofherpitifuloscillationsbeenkept,itwouldhaverivalledinpathosthediarywhereinDeQuinceytabulateshiscombatwithOpium——perhapsasnoticeableaninstanceasanyinwhichathrillingdramaticpowerhasbeengiventomerenumerals。Thusshewearilyandmonotonouslylivedthroughthemonth,listeningonSundaystothewellknownroundofchaptersnarratingthehistoryofElijahandElishainfamineanddrought;onweek-daystobuzzingfliesinhotsunnyrooms。\'Solike,soverylike,wasdaytoday。\'Extremelassitudeseemedallthattheworldcouldshowher。
Herstatewasinthiswise,whenoneafternoon,havingbeenwithherbrother,shemetthesurgeon,andbeggedhimtotelltheactualtruthconcerningOwen\'scondition。
Thereplywasthathefearedthatthefirstoperationhadnotbeenthorough;thatalthoughthewoundhadhealed,anotherattemptmightstillbenecessary,unlessnaturewerelefttoeffectherowncure。
Butthetimesuchaself-healingproceedingwouldoccupymightberuinous。
\'Howlongwoulditbe?\'shesaid。
\'Itisimpossibletosay。Ayearortwo,moreorless。\'
\'Andsupposehesubmittedtoanotherartificialextraction?\'
\'Thenhemightbewellinfourorsixmonths。\'
Nowtheremainderofhisandherpossessions,togetherwithasumhehadborrowed,wouldnotprovidehimwithnecessarycomfortsforhalfthattime。Tocombatthemisfortune,thereweretwocoursesopen——
herbecomingbetrothedtoManston,orthesendingOwentotheCountyHospital。
Thusterrified,drivenintoacorner,pantingandflutteringaboutforsomeloopholeofescape,yetstillshrinkingfromtheideaofbeingManston\'swife,thepoorlittlebirdendeavouredtofindoutfromMissAldclyffewhetheritwaslikelyOwenwouldbewelltreatedinthehospital。
\'CountyHospital!\'saidMissAldclyffe;\'why,itisonlyanothernameforslaughter-house——insurgicalcasesatanyrate。Certainlyifanythingaboutyourbodyissnaptintwotheydojoinyoutogetherinafashion,but\'tissoaskewandugly,thatyoumayaswellbeapartagain。\'Thensheterrifiedtheinquiringandanxiousmaidenbyrelatinghorridstoriesofhowthelegsandarmsofpoorpeoplewerecutoffatamoment\'snotice,especiallyincaseswheretherestorativetreatmentwaslikelytobelongandtedious。
\'YouknowhowwillingIamtohelpyou,Cytherea,\'sheaddedreproachfully。\'Youknowit。Whyareyousoobstinatethen?Whydoyouselfishlybartheclear,honourable,andonlysisterlypathwhichleadsoutofthisdifficulty?Icannot,onmyconscience,countenanceyou;no,Icannot。\'
Manstononcemorerepeatedhisoffer;andoncemoresherefused,butthistimeweakly,andwithsignsofaninternalstruggle。Manston\'seyesparkled;hesawforthehundredthtimeinhislife,thatperseverance,ifonlysystematic,wasirresistiblebywomankind。
6。THETWENTY-SEVENTHOFAUGUST
OngoingtoBudmouththreedayslater,shefoundtohersurprisethatthestewardhadbeenthere,hadintroducedhimself,andhadseenherbrother。Afewdelicacieshadbeenbroughthimalsobythesamehand。OwenspokeinwarmtermsofManstonandhisfreeandunceremoniouscall,ashecouldnothaverefrainedfromdoingofanyperson,ofanykind,whosepresencehadservedtohelpawaythetedioushoursofalongday,andwhohad,moreover,shownthatsortofconsiderationforhimwhichtheaccompanyingbasketimplied——
antecedentconsideration,sotellinguponallinvalids——andwhichhesoseldomexperiencedexceptfromthehandsofhissister。
Howshouldheperceive,amidthistithe-payingofmint,andanise,andcummin,theweightiermatterswhichwereleftundone?
AgainthestewardmetheratCarrifordRoadStationonherreturnjourney。Insteadofbeingfrigidasattheformermeetingatthesameplace,shewasembarrassedbyastrifeofthought,andmurmuredbrokenlyherthanksforwhathehaddone。Thesamerequestthathemightseeherhomewasmade。
HehadperceivedhiserrorinmakinghiskindnesstoOwenaconditionalkindness,andhadhastenedtoeffaceallrecollectionofit。\'ThoughIletmyofferonherbrother\'s——myfriend\'s——behalf,seemdependentonmylady\'sgraciousnesstome,\'hewhisperedwooinglyinthecourseoftheirwalk,\'Icouldnotconscientiouslyadheretomystatement;itwassaidwithalltheimpulsiveselfishnessoflove。Whetheryouchoosetohaveme,orwhetheryoudon\'t,Iloveyoutoodevotedlytobeanythingbutkindtoyourbrother……MissGraye,Cytherea,Iwilldoanything,\'hecontinuedearnestly,\'togiveyoupleasure——indeedIwill。\'
Shesawontheonehandherpoorandmuch-lovedOwenrecoveringfromhisillnessandtroublesbythedisinterestedkindnessofthemanbesideher,ontheothershedrewhimdying,whollybyreasonofherself-enforcedpoverty。Tomarrythismanwasobviouslythecourseofcommonsense,torefusehimwasimpolitictemerity。Therewasreasoninthis。Buttherewasmorebehindthanahundredreasons——awoman\'sgratitudeandherimpulsetobekind。
Thewaveringofhermindwasvisibleinhertell-taleface。Henoticedit,andcaughtattheopportunity。
Theywerestandingbytheruinousfoundationsofanoldmillinthemidstofameadow。Betweengreyandhalf-overgrownstonework——theonlysignsofmasonryremaining——thewatergurgleddownfromtheoldmillpondtoalowerlevel,underthecloakofrankbroadleaves——thesensuousnaturesofthevegetableworld。Ontherighthandthesun,restingonthehorizon-line,streamedacrossthegroundfrombelowcopper-colouredandlilacclouds,stretchedoutinflatsbeneathaskyofpalesoftgreen。Alldarkobjectsontheearththatlaytowardsthesunwereoverspreadbyapurplehaze,againstwhichaswarmofwailinggnatsshoneforthluminously,risingupwardandfloatingawaylikesparksoffire。
Thestillnessoppressedandreducedhertomerepassivity。Theonlywishthehumidityoftheplaceleftinherwastostandmotionless。
Thehelplessflatnessofthelandscapegaveher,asitgivesallsuchtemperaments,asenseofbareequalitywith,andnosuperiorityto,asingleentityunderthesky。
Hecamesoclosethattheirclothestouched。\'Willyoutrytoloveme?Dotrytoloveme!\'hesaid,inawhisper,takingherhand。Hehadnevertakenitbefore。Shecouldfeelhishandtremblingexceedinglyasitheldhersinitsclasp。
Consideringhiskindnesstoherbrother,hisloveforherself,andEdward\'sfickleness,oughtshetoforbidhimtodothis?Howtrulypitifulitwastofeelhishandtrembleso——allforher!Shouldshewithdrawherhand?Shewouldthinkwhethershewould。Thinking,andhesitating,shelookedasfarastheautumnalhazeonthemarshygroundwouldallowhertoseedistinctly。Therewasthefragmentofahedge——allthatremainedofa\'wetoldgarden\'——standinginthemiddleofthemead,withoutadefinitebeginningorending,purposelessandvalueless。Itwasovergrown,andchokedwithmandrakes,andshecouldalmostfancysheheardtheirshrieks……
Shouldshewithdrawherhand?No,shecouldnotwithdrawitnow;itwastoolate,theactwouldnotimplyrefusal。Shefeltasoneinaboatwithoutoars,driftingwithclosedeyesdownariver——sheknewnotwhither。
Hegaveherhandagentlepressure,andrelinquishedit。
Thenitseemedasifhewerecomingtothepointagain。No,hewasnotgoingtourgehissuitthatevening。Anotherrespite。
7。THEEARLYPARTOFSEPTEMBER
Saturdaycame,andshewentonsometrivialerrandtothevillagepost-office。Itwasalittlegreycottagewithaluxuriantjasmineencirclingthedoorway,andbeforegoinginCythereapausedtoadmirethispleasingfeatureoftheexterior。Hearingasteponthegravelbehindthecornerofthehouse,sheresignedthejasmineandentered。Nobodywasintheroom。ShecouldhearMrs。Leat,thewidowwhoactedaspostmistress,walkingaboutoverherhead。
CythereawasgoingtothefootofthestairstocallMrs。Leat,butbeforeshehadaccomplishedherobject,anotherformstoodatthehalf-opendoor。Manstoncamein。
\'Bothonthesameerrand,\'hesaidgracefully。
\'Iwillcallher,\'saidCytherea,movinginhastetothefootofthestairs。
\'Onemoment。\'Heglidedtoherside。\'Don\'tcallherforamoment,\'herepeated。
Butshehadsaid,\'Mrs。Leat!\'
HeseizedCytherea\'shand,kissedittenderly,andcarefullyreplaceditbyherside。
Shehadthatmorningdeterminedtocheckhisfurtheradvances,untilshehadthoroughlyconsideredherposition。Theremonstrancewasnowonhertongue,butasaccidentwouldhaveit,beforethewordcouldbespokenMrs。Leatwassteppingfromthelaststairtothefloor,andnoremonstrancecame。
Withthesubtletywhichcharacterizedhiminallhisdealingswithher,hequicklyconcludedhisownerrand,badeheragood-bye,inthetonesofwhichlovewassogarnishedwithpurepolitenessthatitonlyshoweditspresencetoherself,andleftthehouse——puttingitoutofherpowertorefusehimhercompanionshiphomeward,ortoobjecttohislateactionofkissingherhand。
TheFridayofthenextweekbroughtanotherletterfromherbrother。
Inthisheinformedherthat,inabsolutegrieflestheshoulddistressherunnecessarily,hehadsometimeearlierborrowedafewpounds。Aweekago,hesaid,hiscreditorbecameimportunate,butthatonthedayonwhichhewrote,thecreditorhadtoldhimtherewasnohurryforasettlement,that\'hisSISTER\'SSUITORhadguaranteedthesum。\'\'IsheMr。Manston?tellme,Cytherea,\'saidOwen。
Healsomentionedthatawheeledchairhadbeenanonymouslyhiredforhisespecialuse,thoughasyethewashardlyfarenoughadvancedtowardsconvalescencetoavailhimselfoftheluxury。\'IsthisMr。Manston\'sdoing?\'heinquired。
Shecoulddallywithherperplexity,evadeit,trusttotimeforguidance,nolonger。Thematterhadcometoacrisis:shemustonceandforallchoosebetweenthedictatesofherunderstandingandthoseofherheart。Shelonged,tillhersoulseemednightobursting,forherlostmother\'sreturntoearth,butforoneminute,thatshemighthavetendercounseltoguideherthroughthis,hergreatdifficulty。
Asforherheart,shehalffanciedthatitwasnotEdward\'stoquitetheextentthatitoncehadbeen;shethoughthimcruelinconductinghimselftowardsherashedidatBudmouth,cruelafterwardsinmakingsolightofher。Sheknewhehadstifledhisloveforher——wasutterlylosttoher。Butforallthatshecouldnothelpindulginginawoman\'spleasureofrecreatingdefunctagonies,andlaceratingherselfwiththemnowandthen。
\'IfIwererich,\'shethought,\'Iwouldgivewaytotheluxuryofbeingmorbidlyfaithfultohimforeverwithouthisknowledge。\'
Butsheconsidered;inthefirstplaceshewasahomelessdependent;
andwhatdidpracticalwisdomtellhertodoundersuchdesperatecircumstances?Toprovideherselfwithsomeplaceofrefugefrompoverty,andwithmeanstoaidherbrotherOwen。ThiswastobeMr。
Manston\'swife。
Shedidnotlovehim。
Butwhatwaslovewithoutahome?Misery。Whatwasahomewithoutlove?Alas,notmuch;butstillakindofhome。
\'Yes,\'shethought,\'IamurgedbymycommonsensetomarryMr。
Manston。\'
Didanythingnoblerinhersaysotoo?
WiththedeathtoherofEdwardherheart\'soccupationwasgone。
Wasitnecessaryorevenrightforhertotenditandtakecareofitassheusedtointheoldtime,whenitwasstillacapableminister?
Byaslightsacrificehereshecouldgivehappinesstoatleasttwoheartswhoseemotionalactivitieswerestillunwounded。Shewoulddogoodtotwomenwhoseliveswerefarmoreimportantthanhers。
\'Yes,\'shesaidagain,\'evenChristianityurgesmetomarryMr。
Manston。\'
DirectlyCythereahadpersuadedherselfthatakindofheroicself-
abnegationhadtodowiththematter,shebecamemuchmorecontentintheconsiderationofit。Awilfulindifferencetothefuturewaswhatreallyprevailedinher,illandwornout,asshewas,bytheperpetualharassmentsofhersadfortune,andsheregardedthisindifference,asgushingnatureswilldoundersuchcircumstances,asgenuineresignationanddevotedness。
Manstonmetheragainthefollowingday:indeed,therewasnoescapinghimnow。Attheendofashortconversationbetweenthem,whichtookplaceinthehollowoftheparkbythewaterfall,obscuredontheoutersidebythelowhangingbranchesofthelimes,shetacitlyassentedtohisassumptionofaprivilegegreaterthananythathadprecededit。Hestoopedandkissedherbrow。
BeforegoingtobedshewrotetoOwenexplainingthewholematter。
Itwastoolateintheeveningforthepostman\'svisit,andsheplacedtheletteronthemantelpiecetosenditthenextday。
ThemorningSundaybroughtahurriedpostscripttoOwen\'sletterofthedaybefore:——
\'September9,1865。
\'DEARCYTHEREA——IhavereceivedafrankandfriendlyletterfromMr。
Manstonexplainingthepositioninwhichhestandsnow,andalsothatinwhichhehopestostandtowardsyou。Can\'tyoulovehim?
Whynot?Try,forheisagood,andnotonlythat,butaculturedman。Thinkofthewearyandlaboriousfuturethatawaitsyouifyoucontinueforlifeinyourpresentposition,anddoyouseeanywayofescapefromitexceptbymarriage?Idon\'t。Don\'tgoagainstyourheart,Cytherea,butbewise——Everaffectionatelyyours,OWEN。\'
ShethoughtthatprobablyhehadrepliedtoMr。Manstoninthesamefavouringmood。Shehadaconvictionthatthatdaywouldsettleherdoom。Yet\'Sotrueafoolislove,\'
thatevennowshenourishedahalf-hopethatsomethingwouldhappenatthelastmomenttothwartherdeliberately-formedintentions,andfavourtheoldemotionshewasusingallherstrengthtothrustdown。
8。THETENTHOFSEPTEMBER
TheSundaywasthethirteenthafterTrinity,andtheafternoonserviceatCarrifordwasnearlyover。ThepeopleweresingingtheEveningHymn。
ManstonwasatchurchasusualinhisaccustomedplacetwoseatsforwardfromthelargesquarepewoccupiedbyMissAldclyffeandCytherea。
Theordinarysadnessofanautumnalevening-serviceseemed,inCytherea\'seyes,tobedoubledonthisparticularoccasion。Shelookedatallthepeopleastheystoodandsang,wavingbackwardsandforwardslikeaforestofpinesswayedbyagentlebreeze;thenatthevillagechildrensingingtoo,theirheadsinclinedtooneside,theireyeslistlesslytracingsomecrackintheoldwalls,orfollowingthemovementofadistantboughorbirdwithfeaturespetrifiedalmosttopainfulness。ThenshelookedatManston;hewasalreadyregardingherwithsomepurposeinhisglance。
\'Itiscomingthisevening,\'shesaidinhermind。Aminutelater,attheendofthehymn,whenthecongregationbegantomoveout,Manstoncamedowntheaisle。Hewasoppositetheendofherseatasshesteppedfromit,theremainderoftheirprogresstothedoorbeingincontactwitheachother。MissAldclyffehadlingeredbehind。
\'Don\'tlet\'shurry,\'hesaid,whenCythereawasabouttoentertheprivatepathtotheHouseasusual。\'WouldyoumindturningdownthiswayforaminutetillMissAldclyffehaspassed?\'
Shecouldnotverywellrefusenow。Theyturnedintoasecludedpathontheirleft,leadingroundthroughathicketoflaurelstotheothergateofthechurch-yard,walkingveryslowly。Bythetimethefurthergatewasreached,thechurchwasclosed。Theymetthesextonwiththekeysinhishand。
\'Wearegoinginsideforaminute,\'saidManstontohim,takingthekeysunceremoniously。\'Iwillbringthemtoyouwhenwereturn。\'
Thesextonnoddedhisassent,andCythereaandManstonwalkedintotheporch,andupthenave。
Theydidnotspeakawordduringtheirprogress,orinanywayinterferewiththestillnessandsilencethatprevailedeverywherearoundthem。Everythingintheplacewastheembodimentofdecay:
thefadingredglarefromthesettingsun,whichcameinatthewestwindow,emphasizingtheendofthedayandallitscheerfuldoings,themildewedwalls,theunevenpaving-stones,thewormypews,thesenseofrecentoccupation,andthedankairofdeathwhichhadgatheredwiththeevening,wouldhavemadegravealightermoodthanCytherea\'swasthen。
\'Whatsensationsdoestheplaceimpressyouwith?\'shesaidatlast,verysadly。
\'Ifeelimperativelycalledupontobehonest,fromverydespairofachievinganythingbystratageminaworldwherethematerialsaresuchasthese。\'He,too,spokeinadepressedvoice,purposelyorotherwise。
\'IfeelasifIwerealmostashamedtobeseenwalkingsuchaworld,\'shemurmured;\'that\'stheeffectithasuponme;butitdoesnotinducemetobehonestparticularly。\'
Hetookherhandinbothhis,andlookeddownuponthelidsofhereyes。
\'Ipityyousometimes,\'hesaidmoreemphatically。
\'Iampitiable,perhaps;soaremanypeople。Whydoyoupityme?\'
\'Ithinkthatyoumakeyourselfneedlesslysad。\'
\'Notneedlessly。\'
\'Yes,needlessly。Whyshouldyoubeseparatedfromyourbrothersomuch,whenyoumighthavehimtostaywithyoutillheiswell?\'
\'Thatcan\'tbe,\'shesaid,turningaway。
Hewenton,\'IthinktherealandonlygoodthingthatcanbedoneforhimistogethimawayfromBudmouthawhile;andIhavebeenwonderingwhetheritcouldnotbemanagedforhimtocometomyhousetoliveforafewweeks。Onlyaquarterofamilefromyou。
Howpleasantitwouldbe!\'
\'Itwould。\'
Hemovedhimselfroundimmediatelytothefrontofher,andheldherhandmorefirmly,ashecontinued,\'Cytherea,whydoyousay“Itwould,“soentirelyinthetoneofabstractsupposition?Iwanthimthere:Iwanthimtobemybrother,too。Thenmakehimso,andbemywife!Icannotlivewithoutyou。OCytherea。mydarling,mylove,comeandbemywife!\'
Hisfacebentcloserandclosertohers,andthelastwordssanktoawhisperasweakastheemotioninspiringitwasstrong。
Shesaidfirmlyanddistinctly,\'Yes,Iwill。\'
\'Nextmonth?\'hesaidontheinstant,beforetakingbreath。
\'No;notnextmonth。\'
\'Thenext?\'
\'No。\'
\'December?ChristmasDay,say?\'
\'Idon\'tmind。\'
\'O,youdarling!\'Hewasabouttoimprintakissuponherpale,coldmouth,butshehastilycovereditwithherhand。
\'Don\'tkissme——atleastwherewearenow!\'shewhisperedimploringly。
\'Why?\'
\'WearetoonearGod。\'
Hegaveasuddenstart,andhisfaceflushed。Shehadspokensoemphaticallythatthewords\'NearGod\'echoedbackagainthroughthehollowbuildingfromthefarendofthechancel。
\'Whatathingtosay!\'heexclaimed;\'surelyapurekissisnotinappropriatetotheplace!\'
\'No,\'shereplied,withaswellingheart;\'Idon\'tknowwhyIburstoutso——Ican\'ttellwhathascomeoverme!Willyouforgiveme?\'
\'HowshallIsay“Yes“withoutjudgingyou?HowshallIsay“No“
withoutlosingthepleasureofsaying“Yes?”\'Hewashimselfagain。
\'Idon\'tknow,\'sheabsentlymurmured。
\'I\'llsay“Yes,“\'heanswereddaintily。\'Itissweetertofancyweareforgiven,thantothinkwehavenotsinned;andyoushallhavethesweetnesswithouttheneed。\'
Shedidnotreply,andtheymovedaway。Thechurchwasnearlydarknow,andmelancholyintheextreme。Shestoodbesidehimwhilehelockedthedoor,thentookthearmhegaveher,andwoundherwayoutofthechurchyardwithhim。Thentheywalkedtothehousetogether,butthegreatmatterhavingbeensetatrest,shepersistedintalkingonlyonindifferentsubjects。
\'ChristmasDay,then,\'hesaid,astheywerepartingattheendoftheshrubbery。
\'ImeantOldChristmasDay,\'shesaidevasively。
\'H\'m,peopledonotusuallyattachthatmeaningtothewords。\'
\'No;butIshouldlikeitbestifitcouldnotbetillthen?\'Itseemedtobestillherinstincttodelaythemarriagetotheutmost。
\'Verywell,love,\'hesaidgently。\'\'Tisafortnightlongerstill;
butnevermind。OldChristmasDay。\'
9。THEELEVENTHOFSEPTEMBER
\'There。ItwillbeonaFriday!\'
Shesatuponalittlefootstoolgazingintentlyintothefire。Itwastheafternoonofthedayfollowingthatofthesteward\'ssuccessfulsolicitationofherhand。
\'IwonderifitwouldbeproperinmetorunacrosstheparkandtellhimitisaFriday?\'shesaidtoherself,risingtoherfeet,lookingatherhatlyingnear,andthenoutofthewindowtowardstheOldHouse。Properornot,shefeltthatshemustatallhazardsremovethedisagreeable,though,assheherselfowned,unfoundedimpressionthecoincidencehadoccasioned。Sheleftthehousedirectly,andwenttosearchforhim。
Manstonwasinthetimber-yard,lookingatthesawyersastheyworked。Cythereacameuptohimhesitatingly。Tillwithinadistanceofafewyardsshehadhurriedforwardwithalacrity——nowthatthepracticalexpressionofhisfacebecamevisibleshewishedalmostshehadneversoughthimonsuchanerrand;inhisbusiness-
moodhewasperhapsverystern。
\'ItwillbeonaFriday,\'shesaidconfusedly,andwithoutanypreface。
\'Comethisway!\'saidManston,inthetoneheusedforworkmen,notbeingabletoalterataninstant\'snotice。Hegaveherhisarmandledherbackintotheavenue,bywhichtimehewasloveragain。\'OnaFriday,willit,dearest?YoudonotmindFridays,surely?
That\'snonsense。\'
\'Notseriouslymindthem,exactly——butifitcouldbeanyotherday?\'
\'Well,letussayOldChristmasEve,then。ShallitbeOldChristmasEve?\'
\'Yes,OldChristmasEve。\'
\'Yourwordissolemn,andirrevocablenow?\'
\'Certainly,Ihavesolemnlypledgedmyword;IshouldnothavepromisedtomarryyouifIhadnotmeantit。Don\'tthinkIshould。\'
Shespokethewordswithadignifiedimpressiveness。
\'Youmustnotbevexedatmyremark,dearest。Canyouthinktheworseofanardentman,Cytherea,forshowingsomeanxietyinlove?\'
\'No,no。\'Shecouldnotsaymore。Shewasalwaysillateasewhenhespokeofhimselfasapieceofhumannatureinthatanalyticalway,andwantedtobeoutofhispresence。Thetimeofday,andtheproximityofthehouse,affordedherameansofescape。\'ImustbewithMissAldclyffenow——willyouexcusemyhastycomingandgoing?\'
shesaidprettily。Beforehehadrepliedshehadpartedfromhim。
\'Cytherea,wasitMr。ManstonIsawyouscuddingawayfromintheavenuejustnow?\'saidMissAldclyffe,whenCythereajoinedher。
\'Yes。\'
\'“Yes。“Come,whydon\'tyousaymorethanthat?Ihatethosetaciturn“Yesses“ofyours。Itellyoueverything,andyetyouareascloseaswaxwithme。\'
\'IpartedfromhimbecauseIwantedtocomein。\'
\'Whatanovelandimportantannouncement!Well,isthedayfixed?\'
\'Yes。\'
MissAldclyffe\'sfacekindledintointenseinterestatonce。\'Isitindeed?Whenisittobe?\'
\'OnOldChristmasEve。\'
\'OldChristmasEve。\'MissAldclyffedrewCytherearoundtoherfront,andtookahandineachofherown。\'Andthenyouwillbeabride!\'shesaidslowly,lookingwithcriticalthoughtfulnessuponthemaiden\'sdelicatelyroundedcheeks。
Thenormalareaofthecolouruponeachofthemdecreasedperceptiblyafterthatslowandemphaticutterancebytheelderlady。
MissAldclyffecontinuedimpressively,\'Youdidnotsay“OldChristmasEve“asafianceeshouldhavesaidthewords:andyoudon\'treceivemyremarkwiththewarmexcitementthatforeshadowsabrightfuture……Howmanyweeksaretheretothetime?\'
\'Ihavenotreckonedthem。\'
\'Not?Fancyagirlnotcountingtheweeks!IfindImusttaketheleadinthismatter——youaresochildish,orfrightened,orstupid,orsomething,aboutit,Bringmemydiary,andwewillcountthematonce。\'
Cythereasilentlyfetchedthebook。
MissAldclyffeopenedthediaryatthepagecontainingthealmanac,andcountedsixteenweeks,whichbroughthertothethirty-firstofDecember——aSunday。Cythereastoodby,lookingonasifshehadnoappetiteforthescene。
\'Sixteentothethirty-first。Thenletmesee,MondaywillbethefirstofJanuary,Tuesdaythesecond,Wednesdaythird,Thursdayfourth,Fridayfifth——youhavechosenaFriday,asIdeclare!\'
\'AThursday,surely?\'saidCytherea。
\'No:OldChristmasDaycomesonaSaturday。\'
Theperturbedlittlebrainhadreckonedwrong。\'Well,itmustbeaFriday,\'shemurmuredinareverie。
\'No:haveitaltered,ofcourse,\'saidMissAldclyffecheerfully。
\'There\'snothingbadinFriday,butsuchacreatureasyouwillbethinkingaboutitsbeingunlucky——infact,Iwouldn\'tchooseaFridaymyselftobemarriedon,sincealltheotherdaysareequallyavailable。\'
\'Ishallnothaveitaltered,\'saidCythereafirmly;\'ithasbeenalteredoncealready:Ishallletitbe。\'