NorwouldIhaveattemptedsuchatask，butthatIwasambitiousofgivingaviewofthemostvaluableworkofthegreatestgeniusofhisage，totheMecaenasandbestgeniusofthis。ForIamnotoverfondofsoungratefulataskastranslating，andwouldrejoicetoseelessversionsandmoreoriginals；sothelatterwerenotasbadasmanyofthefirstare，throughwantofencouragement。Someindeedhavedeservedlygainedesteembytranslating；yetnotmanycondescendtotranslate，butsuchascannotinvent；thoughtodothefirstwellrequiresoftenasmuchgeniusastodothelatter。
Iwish，reader，thoumayestbeaswillingtodomyauthorjustice，asI
havestrovetodohimright。Yet，ifthouartabrotherofthequill，itistentoonethouarttoomuchinlovewiththyowndearproductionstoadmirethoseofoneofthytrade。However，Iknowthreeorfourwhohavenotsuchamightyopinionofthemselves；butI\'llnotnamethem，lestI
shouldbeobligedtoplacemyselfamongthem。Ifthouartoneofthosewho，thoughtheyneverwrite，criticiseeveryonethatdoes；avaunt！——Thouartaprofessedenemyofmankindandofthyself，whowiltneverbepleasednorletanybodybeso，andknowestnobetterwaytofamethanbystrivingtolessenthatofothers；thoughwouldstthouwritethoumightstbesoonknown，evenbythebutterwomen，andflythroughtheworldinbandboxes。Ifthouartofthedissemblingtribe，itisthyofficetorailatthosebookswhichthouhuggestinacorner。Ifthouartoneofthoseeavesdroppers，whowouldhavetheirmorosenessbecountedgravity，thouwiltcondemnamirthwhichthouartpastrelishing；andIknownootherwaytoquitthescorethanbywritingaslikeenoughImaysomethingasdull，ordullerthanthyself，ifpossible。Ifthouartoneofthosecriticsindressing，thoseextemporesoffortune，who，havinglostarelationandgotanestate，inaninstantsetupforwitandeveryextravagance，thou\'lteitherpraiseordiscommendthisbook，accordingtothedictatesofsomelessfoolishthanthyself，perhapsofoneofthosewho，beinglodgedatthesignoftheboxanddice，willknowbetterthingsthantorecommendtotheeaworkwhichbidstheebewareofhistricks。Thisbookmightteachtheetoleavethyfollies；butsomewillsayitdoesnotsignifymuchtosomefoolswhethertheyaresoornot；forwhenwasthereafoolthatthoughthimselfone？IfthouartoneofthosewhowouldputthemselvesuponusforlearnedmeninGreekandHebrew，yetaremereblockheadsinEnglish，andpatchtogetheroldpiecesoftheancientstogetthemselvesclothesoutofthem，thouarttooseverelymauledinthisworktolikeit。Whothenwill？somewillcry。Nay，besidesthese，manysocietiesthatmakeagreatfigureintheworldarereflectedoninthisbook；whichcausedRabelaistostudytobedark，andevenbedaubitwithmanylooseexpressions，thathemightnotbethoughttohaveanyotherdesignthantodroll；inamannerbewrayinghisbookthathisenemiesmightnotbiteit。Truly，thoughnowtheriddleisexpounded，Iwouldadvisethosewhoreaditnottoreflectontheauthor，lesthebethoughttohavebeenbeforehandwiththem，andtheyberankedamongthosewhohavenothingtoshowfortheirhonestybuttheirmoney，nothingfortheirreligionbuttheirdissembling，orafatbenefice，nothingfortheirwitbuttheirdressing，fortheirnobilitybuttheirtitle，fortheirgentilitybuttheirsword，fortheircouragebuttheirhuffing，fortheirprefermentbuttheirassurance，fortheirlearningbuttheirdegrees，orfortheirgravitybuttheirwrinklesordulness。Theyhadbetterlaughatoneanotherhere，asitisthecustomoftheworld。
Laughingisofallprofessions；themisermayhoard，thespendthriftsquander，thepoliticianplot，thelawyerwrangle，andthegamestercheat；
stilltheirmaindesignistobeabletolaughatoneanother；andheretheymaydoitatacheapandeasyrate。Afterall，shouldthisworkfailtopleasethegreaternumberofreaders，Iamsureitcannotmissbeinglikedbythosewhoareforwittymirthandachirpingbottle；thoughnotbythosesolidsotswhoseemtohavedrudgedalltheiryouthlongonlythattheymightenjoythesweetblessingofgettingdrunkeverynightintheiroldage。Butthosemenofsenseandhonourwholovetruthandthegoodofmankindingeneralaboveallotherthingswillundoubtedlycountenancethiswork。Iwillnotgravelyinsistuponitsusefulness，havingsaidenoughofitintheprefaceMotteux\'Prefacetovol。IofRabelais，ed。1694。tothefirstpart。Iwillonlyadd，thatasHomerinhisOdysseymakeshisherowandertenyearsthroughmostpartsofthethenknownworld，soRabelais，inathreemonths\'voyage，makesPantagrueltakeaviewofalmostallsortsofpeopleandprofessions；withthisdifference，however，betweentheancientmythologistandthemodern，thatwhiletheOdysseyhasbeencomparedtoasettingsuninrespecttotheIliads，Rabelais\'lastwork，whichisthisVoyagetotheOracleoftheBottlebywhichhemeanstruth
isjustlythoughthismasterpiece，beingwrotewithmorespirit，salt，andflame，thanthefirstpartofhisworks。Atnearseventyyearsofage，hisgenius，farfrombeingdrained，seemedtohaveacquiredfreshvigourandnewgracesthemoreitexerteditself；likethoseriverswhichgrowmoredeep，large，majestic，andusefulbytheircourse。ThosewhoaccusetheFrenchofbeingassparingoftheirwitaslavishoftheirwordswillfindanEnglishmaninourauthor。Imustconfessindeedthatmycountrymenandothersouthernnationstempertheonewiththeotherinamannerastheydotheirwinewithwater，oftenjustdashingthelatterwithalittleofthefirst。Nowheremenlovetodrinktheirwinepure；nay，sometimesitwillnotsatisfyunlessinitsveryquintessence，asinbrandies；thoughanexcessofthisbetrayswantofsobriety，asmuchasanexcessofwitbetraysawantofjudgment。ButImustconclude，lestIbejustlytaxedwithwantingboth。Iwillonlyadd，thataseverylanguagehasitspeculiargraces，seldomornevertobeacquiredbyaforeigner，IcannotthinkIhavegivenmyauthorthoseoftheEnglishineveryplace；butasnonecompelledmetowrite，Ifeartoaskapardonwhichyetthegeneroustemperofthisnationmakesmehopetoobtain。Albinus，aRoman，whohadwritteninGreek，desiredinhisprefacetobeforgivenhisfaultsoflanguage；butCatoaskedhiminderisionwhetheranyhadforcedhimtowriteinatongueofwhichhewasnotanabsolutemaster。Luculluswroteahistoryinthesametongue，andsaidhehadscatteredsomefalseGreekinittolettheworldknowitwastheworkofaRoman。Iwillnotsayasmuchofmywritings，inwhichIstudytobeaslittleincorrectasthehurryofbusinessandshortnessoftimewillpermit；butImaybettersay，asTullydidofthehistoryofhisconsulship，whichhealsohadwritteninGreek，thatwhaterrorsmaybefoundinthedictionarecreptinagainstmyintent。Indeed，LiviusAndronicusandTerence，theoneaGreek，theotheraCarthaginian，wrotesuccessfullyinLatin，andthelatterisperhapsthemostperfectmodelofthepurityandurbanityofthattongue；butIoughtnottohopeforthesuccessofthosegreatmen。YetamIambitiousofbeingassubservienttotheusefuldiversionoftheingeniousofthisnationasIcan，whichIhaveendeavouredinthiswork，withhopestoattemptsomegreatertasksifeverIamhappyenoughtohavemoreleisure。
Inthemeantimeitwillnotdispleaseme，ifitisknownthatthisisgivenbyonewho，thoughbornandeducatedinFrance，hastheloveandvenerationofaloyalsubjectforthisnation，onewho，byafatality，whichwithmanymoremadehimsay，Nospatriamfugimusetdulcialinquimusarva，isobligedtomakethelanguageofthesehappyregionsasnaturaltohimashecan，andthankfullysaywiththerest，underthisProtestantgovernment，Deusnobishaecotiafecit。
TheAuthor\'sEpistleDedicatory。
TothemostIllustriousPrinceandmostReverendLordOdet，CardinaldeChastillon。
Youknow，mostillustriousprince，howoftenIhavebeen，andamdailypressedandrequiredbygreatnumbersofeminentpersons，toproceedinthePantagruelianfables；theytellmethatmanylanguishing，sick，anddisconsolatepersons，perusingthem，havedeceivedtheirgrief，passedtheirtimemerrily，andbeeninspiredwithnewjoyandcomfort。IcommonlyanswerthatIaimednotatgloryandapplausewhenIdivertedmyselfwithwriting，butonlydesignedtogivebymypen，totheabsentwholabourunderaffliction，thatlittlehelpwhichatalltimesIwillinglystrivetogivetothepresentthatstandinneedofmyartandservice。SometimesI
atlargerelatetothemhowHippocratesinseveralplaces，andparticularlyinlib。6。Epidem。，describingtheinstitutionofthephysicianhisdisciple，andalsoSoranusofEphesus，Oribasius，Galen，HaliAbbas，andotherauthors，havedescendedtoparticulars，intheprescriptionofhismotions，deportment，looks，countenance，gracefulness，civility，cleanlinessofface，clothes，beard，hair，hands，mouth，evenhisverynails；asifheweretoplaythepartofaloverinsomecomedy，orentertheliststofightsomeenemy。AndindeedthepracticeofphysicisproperlyenoughcomparedbyHippocratestoafight，andalsotoafarceactedbetweenthreepersons，thepatient，thephysician，andthedisease。
WhichpassagehassometimesputmeinmindofJulia\'ssayingtoAugustusherfather。Onedayshecamebeforehiminaverygorgeous，loose，lasciviousdress，whichverymuchdispleasedhim，thoughhedidnotmuchdiscoverhisdiscontent。Thenextdaysheputonanother，andinamodestgarb，suchasthechasteRomanladieswore，cameintohispresence。Thekindfathercouldnotthenforbearexpressingthepleasurewhichhetooktoseehersomuchaltered，andsaidtoher:Oh！howmuchmorethisgarbbecomesandiscommendableinthedaughterofAugustus。Butshe，havingherexcuseready，answered:Thisday，sir，Idressedmyselftopleasemyfather\'seye；yesterday，togratifythatofmyhusband。Thusdisguisedinlooksandgarb，nayeven，asformerlywasthefashion，witharichandpleasantgownwithfoursleeves，whichwascalledphiloniumaccordingtoPetrusAlexandrinusin6。Epidem。，aphysicianmightanswertosuchasmightfindthemetamorphosisindecent:ThushaveIaccoutredmyself，notthatIamproudofappearinginsuchadress，butforthesakeofmypatient，whomaloneIwhollydesigntoplease，andnowiseoffendordissatisfy。ThereisalsoapassageinourfatherHippocrates，inthebookIhavenamed，whichcausessometosweat，dispute，andlabour；notindeedtoknowwhetherthephysician\'sfrowning，discontented，andmoroseCatonianlookrenderthepatientsad，andhisjoyful，serene，andpleasingcountenancerejoicehim；forexperienceteachesusthatthisismostcertain；butwhethersuchsensationsofgrieforpleasureareproducedbytheapprehensionofthepatientobservinghismotionsandqualitiesinhisphysician，anddrawingfromthenceconjecturesoftheendandcatastropheofhisdisease；as，byhispleasinglook，joyfulanddesirableevents，andbyhissorrowfulandunpleasingair，sadanddismalconsequences；orwhetherthosesensationsbeproducedbyatransfusionofthesereneorgloomy，aerialorterrestrial，joyfulormelancholicspiritsofthephysicianintothepersonofthepatient，asistheopinionofPlato，Averroes，andothers。
Aboveallthings，theforecitedauthorshavegivenparticulardirectionstophysiciansaboutthewords，discourse，andconversewhichtheyoughttohavewiththeirpatients；everyoneaimingatonepoint，thatis，torejoicethemwithoutoffendingGod，andinnowisewhatsoevertovexordispleasethem。WhichcausesHerophilusmuchtoblamethephysicianCallianax，who，beingaskedbyapatientofhis，ShallIdie？impudentlymadehimthisanswer:
Patroclusdied，whomallallowBymuchabettermanthanyou。
Another，whohadamindtoknowthestateofhisdistemper，askinghim，afterourmerryPatelin\'sway:Well，doctor，doesnotmywatertellyouI
shalldie？Hefoolishlyanswered，No；ifLatona，themotherofthoselovelytwins，PhoebusandDiana，begotthee。Galen，lib。4，Comment。6。
Epidem。，blamesmuchalsoQuintushistutor，who，acertainnoblemanofRome，hispatient，sayingtohim，Youhavebeenatbreakfast，mymaster，yourbreathsmellsofwine；answeredarrogantly，Yourssmellsoffever；
whichisthebettersmellofthetwo，wineoraputridfever？Butthecalumnyofcertaincannibals，misanthropes，perpetualeavesdroppers，hasbeensofoulandexcessiveagainstme，thatithadconqueredmypatience，andIhadresolvednottowriteonejotmore。Fortheleastoftheirdetractionswerethatmybooksareallstuffedwithvariousheresies，ofwhich，nevertheless，theycouldnotshowonesingleinstance；much，indeed，ofcomicalandfacetiousfooleries，neitheroffendingGodnorthekingandtrulyIowntheyaretheonlysubjectandonlythemeofthesebooks，butofheresynotaword，unlesstheyinterpretedwrong，andagainstalluseofreasonandcommonlanguage，whatIhadrathersufferathousanddeaths，ifitwerepossible，thanhavethought；aswhoshouldmakebreadtobestone，afishtobeaserpent，andaneggtobeascorpion。This，mylord，emboldenedmeoncetotellyou，asIwascomplainingofitinyourpresence，thatifIdidnotesteemmyselfabetterChristianthantheyshowthemselvestowardsme，andifmylife，writings，words，naythoughts，betrayedtomeonesinglesparkofheresy，orIshouldinadetestablemannerfallintothesnaresofthespiritofdetraction，Greek，who，bytheirmeans，raisessuchcrimesagainstme；Iwouldthen，likethephoenix，gatherdrywood，kindleafire，andburnmyselfinthemidstofit。YouwerethenpleasedtosaytomethatKingFrancis，ofeternalmemory，hadbeenmadesensibleofthosefalseaccusations；andthathavingcausedmybooksmine，Isay，becauseseveral，falseandinfamous，havebeenwickedlylaidtometobecarefullyanddistinctlyreadtohimbythemostlearnedandfaithfulanagnostinthiskingdom，hehadnotfoundanypassagesuspicious；andthatheabhorredacertainenvious，ignorant，hypocriticalinformer，whogroundedamortalheresyonannputinsteadofanmbythecarelessnessoftheprinters。
Asmuchwasdonebyhisson，ourmostgracious，virtuous，andblessedsovereign，Henry，whomHeavenlongpreserve！sothathegrantedyouhisroyalprivilegeandparticularprotectionformeagainstmyslanderingadversaries。
YoukindlycondescendedsincetoconfirmmethesehappynewsatParis；andalsolately，whenyouvisitedmyLordCardinalduBellay，who，forthebenefitofhishealth，afteralingeringdistemper，wasretiredtoSt。
Maur，thatplaceorratherparadiseofsalubrity，serenity，conveniency，andalldesirablecountrypleasures。
Thus，mylord，undersogloriousapatronage，Iamemboldenedoncemoretodrawmypen，undauntednowandsecure；withhopesthatyouwillstillprovetome，againstthepowerofdetraction，asecondGallicHerculesinlearning，prudence，andeloquence；anAlexicacosinvirtue，power，andauthority；you，ofwhomImaytrulysaywhatthewisemonarchSolomonsaithofMoses，thatgreatprophetandcaptainofIsrael，Ecclesiast。45:AmanfearingandlovingGod，whofoundfavourinthesightofallflesh，well-
belovedbothofGodandman；whosememorialisblessed。Godmadehimliketotheglorioussaints，andmagnifiedhimso，thathisenemiesstoodinfearofhim；andforhimmadewonders；madehimgloriousinthesightofkings，gavehimacommandmentforhispeople，andbyhimshowedhislight；
hesanctifiedhiminhisfaithfulnessandmeekness，andchosehimoutofallmen。Byhimhemadeustohearhisvoice，andcausedbyhimthelawoflifeandknowledgetobegiven。
Accordingly，ifIshallbesohappyastohearanyonecommendthosemerrycomposures，theyshallbeadjuredbymetobeobligedandpaytheirthankstoyoualone，asalsotooffertheirprayerstoHeavenforthecontinuanceandincreaseofyourgreatness；andtoattributenomoretomethanmyhumbleandreadyobediencetoyourcommands；forbyyourmosthonourableencouragementyouatoncehaveinspiredmewithspiritandwithinvention；
andwithoutyoumyhearthadfailedme，andthefountain-headofmyanimalspiritshadbeendry。MaytheLordkeepyouinhisblessedmercy！
MyLord，Yourmosthumble，andmostdevotedServant，FrancisRabelais，Physician。
Paris，this28thofJanuary，MDLII。
TheAuthor\'sPrologue。
Goodpeople，Godsaveandkeepyou！Whereareyou？Ican\'tseeyou:
stay——I\'llsaddlemynosewithspectacles——oh，oh！\'twillbefairanon:I
seeyou。Well，youhavehadagoodvintage，theysay:thisisnobadnewstoFrank，youmayswear。Youhavegotaninfalliblecureagainstthirst:
rarelyperformedofyou，myfriends！You，yourwives，children，friends，andfamiliesareinasgoodcaseasheartscanwish；itiswell，itisasI
wouldhaveit:Godbepraisedforit，andifsuchbehiswill，mayyoulongbeso。Formypart，Iamthereabouts，thankstohisblessedgoodness；
andbythemeansofalittlePantagruelismwhichyouknowisacertainjollityofmind，pickledinthescornoffortune，youseemenowhaleandcheery，assoundasabell，andreadytodrink，ifyouwill。WouldyouknowwhyI\'mthus，goodpeople？Iwillevengiveyouapositiveanswer——
SuchistheLord\'swill，whichIobeyandrevere；itbeingsaidinhisword，ingreatderisiontothephysicianneglectfulofhisownhealth，Physician，healthyself。
GalenhadsomeknowledgeoftheBible，andhadconversedwithChristiansofhistime，asappearslib。II。DeUsuPartium；lib。2。DeDifferentiisPulsuum，cap。3，andibid。lib。3。cap。2。andlib。DeRerumAffectibusifitbeGalen\'s。Yet\'twasnotforanysuchvenerationofholywritthathetookcareofhisownhealth。No，itwasforfearofbeingtwittedwiththesayingsowellknownamongphysicians:
Greek。
Heboastsofhealingpoorandrich，Yetishimselfalloveritch。
Thismadehimboldlysay，thathedidnotdesiretobeesteemedaphysician，iffromhistwenty-eighthyeartohisoldagehehadnotlivedinperfecthealth，exceptsomeephemerousfevers，ofwhichhesoonridhimself；yethewasnotnaturallyofthesoundesttemper，hisstomachbeingevidentlybad。Indeed，ashesaith，lib。5，DeSanitatetuenda，thatphysicianwillhardlybethoughtverycarefulofthehealthofotherswhoneglectshisown。Asclepiadesboastedyetmorethanthis；forhesaidthathehadarticledwithfortunenottobereputedaphysicianifhecouldbesaidtohavebeensicksincehebegantopractisephysictohislatterage，whichhereached，lustyinallhismembersandvictoriousoverfortune；
tillatlasttheoldgentlemanunluckilytumbleddownfromthetopofacertainill-proppedandrottenstaircase，andsotherewasanendofhim。
Ifbysomedisasterhealthisfledfromyourworshipstotherightortotheleft，aboveorbelow，beforeorbehind，withinorwithout，farornear，onthissideortheotherside，wheresoeveritbe，mayyoupresently，withthehelpoftheLord，meetwithit。Havingfoundit，mayyouimmediatelyclaimit，seizeit，andsecureit。Thelawallowsit；thekingwouldhaveitso；nay，youhavemyadviceforit。Neithermorenorlessthanthelaw-
makersofolddidfullyempoweramastertoclaimandseizehisrunawayservantwhereverhemightbefound。Odds-bodikins，isitnotwrittenandwarrantedbytheancientcustomsofthisnoble，sorich，soflourishingrealmofFrance，thatthedeadseizesthequick？Seewhathasbeendeclaredverylatelyinthatpointbythatlearned，wise，courteous，humaneandjustcivilian，AndrewTiraqueau，oneofthejudgesinthemosthonourablecourtofParliamentatParis。Healthisourlife，asAriphrontheSicyonianwiselyhasit；withouthealthlifeisnotlife，itisnotlivinglife:Greek。Withouthealthlifeisonlyalanguishmentandanimageofdeath。Therefore，youthatwantyourhealth，thatistosay，thataredead，seizethequick；securelifetoyourselves，thatistosay，health。
IhavethishopeintheLord，thathewillhearoursupplications，consideringwithwhatfaithandzealwepray，andthathewillgrantthisourwishbecauseitismoderateandmean。Mediocritywasheldbytheancientsagestobegolden，thatistosay，precious，praisedbyallmen，andpleasinginallplaces。ReadthesacredBible，youwillfindtheprayersofthosewhoaskedmoderatelywereneverunanswered。Forexample，littledapperZaccheus，whosebodyandrelicsthemonksofSt。Garlick，nearOrleans，boastofhaving，andnicknamehimSt。Sylvanus；heonlywishedtoseeourblessedSaviournearJerusalem。Itwasbutasmallrequest，andnomorethananybodythenmightpretendto。Butalas！hewasbutlow-built；andoneofsodiminutiveasize，amongthecrowd，couldnotsomuchasgetaglimpseofhim。Wellthenhestruts，standsontiptoes，bustles，andbestirshisstumps，shovesandmakesway，andwithmuchadoclambersupasycamore。Uponthis，theLord，whoknewhissincereaffection，presentedhimselftohissight，andwasnotonlyseenbyhim，butheardalso；nay，whatismore，hecametohishouseandblessedhisfamily。
OneofthesonsoftheprophetsinIsraelfellingwouldneartheriverJordan，hishatchetforsookthehelveandfelltothebottomoftheriver；
soheprayedtohaveitagain\'twasbutasmallrequest，markyeme，andhavingastrongfaith，hedidnotthrowthehatchetafterthehelve，assomespiritsofcontradictionsaybywayofscandalousblunder，butthehelveafterthehatchet，asyouallproperlyhaveit。Presentlytwogreatmiracleswereseen:upspringsthehatchetfromthebottomofthewater，andfixesitselftoitsoldacquaintancethehelve。NowhadhewishedtocoachittoheaveninafierychariotlikeElias，tomultiplyinseedlikeAbraham，beasrichasJob，strongasSamson，andbeautifulasAbsalom，wouldhehaveobtainedit，d\'yethink？I\'troth，myfriends，Iquestionitverymuch。
NowItalkofmoderatewishesinpointofhatchetbutharkeeme，besureyoudon\'tforgetwhenweoughttodrink，IwilltellyouwhatiswrittenamongtheapologuesofwiseAesoptheFrenchman。ImeanthePhrygianandTrojan，asMax。Planudesmakeshim；fromwhichpeople，accordingtothemostfaithfulchroniclers，thenobleFrencharedescended。AelianwritesthathewasofThraceandAgathias，afterHerodotus，thathewasofSamos；
\'tisallonetoFrank。
InhistimelivedapoorhonestcountryfellowofGravot，TomWellhungbyname，awood-cleaverbytrade，whointhatlowdrudgerymadeshiftsotopickupasorrylivelihood。Ithappenedthathelosthishatchet。NowtellmewhoeverhadmorecausetobevexedthanpoorTom？Alas，hiswholeestateandlifedependedonhishatchet；byhishatchetheearnedmanyafairpennyofthebestwoodmongersorlog-merchantsamongwhomhewenta-
jobbing；forwantofhishatchethewasliketostarve；andhaddeathbutmetwithhimsixdaysafterwithoutahatchet，thegrimfiendwouldhavemowedhimdowninthetwinklingofabedstaff。Inthissadcasehebegantobeinaheavytaking，andcalleduponJupiterwiththemosteloquentprayers——foryouknownecessitywasthemotherofeloquence。Withthewhitesofhiseyesturneduptowardsheaven，downonhismarrow-bones，hisarmsrearedhigh，hisfingersstretchedwide，andhisheadbare，thepoorwretchwithoutceasingwasroaringout，bywayoflitany，ateveryrepetitionofhissupplications，Myhatchet，LordJupiter，myhatchet！myhatchet！onlymyhatchet，OJupiter，ormoneytobuyanother，andnothingelse！alas，mypoorhatchet！
Jupiterhappenedthentobeholdingagrandcouncilaboutcertainurgentaffairs，andoldgammerCybelewasjustgivingheropinion，or，ifyouwouldratherhaveitso，itwasyoungPhoebusthebeau；but，inshort，Tom\'soutcriesandlamentationsweresoloudthattheywereheardwithnosmallamazementatthecouncil-board，bythewholeconsistoryofthegods。
Whatadevilhavewebelow，quothJupiter，thathowlssohorridly？BythemudofStyx，havenotwehadallalong，andhavenotweherestillenoughtodo，tosettorightsaworldofdamnedpuzzlingbusinessesofconsequence？WemadeanendofthefraybetweenPresthan，KingofPersia，andSolimantheTurkishemperor，wehavestoppedupthepassagesbetweentheTartarsandtheMuscovites；answeredtheXeriff\'spetition；donethesametothatofGolgotsRays；thestateofParma\'sdespatched；soisthatofMaidenburg，thatofMirandola，andthatofAfrica，thattownontheMediterraneanwhichwecallAphrodisium；Tripolibycarelessnesshasgotanewmaster；herhourwascome。
HerearetheGasconscursinganddamning，demandingtherestitutionoftheirbells。
InyondercorneraretheSaxons，Easterlings，Ostrogoths，andGermans，nationsformerlyinvincible，butnowaberkeids，bridled，curbed，andbroughtunderapaltrydiminutivecrippledfellow；theyaskusrevenge，relief，restitutionoftheirformergoodsenseandancientliberty。
ButwhatshallwedowiththissameRamusandthisGalland，withapoxtothem，who，surroundedwithaswarmoftheirscullions，blackguardragamuffins，sizars，vouchers，andstipulators，settogetherbytheearsthewholeuniversityofParis？Iaminasadquandaryaboutit，andfortheheart\'sbloodofmecannottellyetwithwhomofthetwotoside。
Bothseemtomenotablefellows，andastruecodsaseverpissed。Theonehasrose-nobles，Isayfineandweightyones；theotherwouldgladlyhavesometoo。Theoneknowssomething；theother\'snodunce。Theonelovesthebettersortofmen；theother\'sbelovedby\'em。Theoneisanoldcunningfox；theotherwithtongueandpen，toothandnail，fallsfoulontheancientoratorsandphilosophers，andbarksatthemlikeacur。
Whatthinkestthouofit，say，thoubawdyPriapus？Ihavefoundthycounseljustbeforenow，ethabettuamentulamentem。
KingJupiter，answeredPriapus，standingupandtakingoffhiscowl，hissnoutuncasedandrearedup，fieryandstifflypropped，sinceyoucomparetheonetoayelpingsnarlingcurandtheothertoslyReynardthefox，myadviceis，withsubmission，thatwithoutfrettingorpuzzlingyourbrainsanyfurtherabout\'em，withoutanymoreado，evenserve\'embothas，inthedaysofyore，youdidthedogandthefox。How？askedJupiter；when？whowerethey？wherewasit？Youhaveararememory，foraughtIsee！returnedPriapus。ThisrightworshipfulfatherBacchus，whomwehaveherenoddingwithhiscrimsonphiz，toberevengedontheThebanshadgotafairyfox，who，whatevermischiefhedid，wasnevertobecaughtorwrongedbyanybeastthatworeahead。
ThenobleVulcanherepresenthadframedadogofMonesianbrass，andwithlongpuffingandblowingputthespiritoflifeintohim；hegaveittoyou，yougaveityourMissEuropa，MissEuropagaveitMinos，MinosgaveitProcris，ProcrisgaveitCephalus。Hewasalsoofthefairykind；sothat，likethelawyersofourage，hewastoohardforallothersortsofcreatures；nothingcouldscapethedog。Nowwhoshouldhappentomeetbutthesetwo？Whatdoyouthinktheydid？Dogbyhisdestinywastotakefox，andfoxbyhisfatewasnottobetaken。
Thecasewasbroughtbeforeyourcouncil:youprotestedthatyouwouldnotactagainstthefates；andthefateswerecontradictory。Inshort，theendandresultofthematterwas，thattoreconciletwocontradictionswasanimpossibilityinnature。Theverypangputyouintoasweat；somedropsofwhichhappeningtolightontheearth，producedwhatthemortalscallcauliflowers。Allournobleconsistory，forwantofacategoricalresolution，wereseizedwithsuchahorridthirst，thataboveseventy-eighthogsheadsofnectarwereswilleddownatthatsitting。Atlastyoutookmyadvice，andtransmogrifiedthemintostones；andimmediatelygotridofyourperplexity，andatrucewiththirstwasproclaimedthroughthisvastOlympus。Thiswastheyearofflabbycods，nearTeumessus，betweenThebesandChalcis。
Afterthismanner，itismyopinionthatyoushouldpetrifythisdogandthisfox。Themetamorphosiswillnotbeincongruous；fortheybothbearthenameofPeter。Andbecause，accordingtotheLimosinproverb，tomakeanoven\'smouththeremustbethreestones，youmayassociatethemwithMasterPeterduCoignet，whomyouformerlypetrifiedforthesamecause。
ThenthosethreedeadpiecesshallbeputinanequilateraltrigonesomewhereinthegreattempleatParis——inthemiddleoftheporch，ifyouwill——theretoperformtheofficeofextinguishers，andwiththeirnosesputoutthelightedcandles，torches，tapers，andflambeaux；since，whiletheylived，theystilllighted，ballock-like，thefireoffaction，division，ballocksects，andwranglingamongthoseidlebeardedboys，thestudents。Andthiswillbeaneverlastingmonumenttoshowthatthosepunyself-conceitedpedants，ballock-framers，wererathercontemnedthancondemnedbyyou。Dixi，Ihavesaidmysay。
Youdealtookindlybythem，saidJupiter，foraughtIsee，MonsieurPriapus。Youdonotusetobesokindtoeverybody，letmetellyou；forastheyseektoeternizetheirnames，itwouldbemuchbetterforthemtobethuschangedintohardstonesthantoreturntoearthandputrefaction。
Butnowtoothermatters。Yonderbehindus，towardstheTuscanseaandtheneighbourhoodofMountApennine，doyouseewhattragediesarestirredupbycertaintoppingecclesiasticalbullies？Thishotfitwilllastitstime，liketheLimosins\'ovens，andthenwillbecooled，butnotsofast。
Weshallhavesportenoughwithit；butIforeseeoneinconveniency；formethinkswehavebutlittlestoreofthunderammunitionsincethetimethatyou，myfellowgods，foryourpastimelavishedthemawaytobombardnewAntioch，bymyparticularpermission；assince，afteryourexample，thestoutchampionswhohadundertakentoholdthefortressofDindenaroisagainstallcomersfairlywastedtheirpowderwithshootingatsparrows，andthen，nothavingwherewithtodefendthemselvesintimeofneed，valiantlysurrenderedtotheenemy，whowerealreadypackinguptheirawls，fullofmadnessanddespair，andthoughtonnothingbutashamefulretreat。
Takecarethisberemedied，sonVulcan；rouseupyourdrowsyCyclopes，Asteropes，Brontes，Arges，Polyphemus，Steropes，Pyracmon，andsoforth，setthematwork，andmakethemdrinkastheyought。
Neverspareliquortosuchasareathotwork。Nowletusdespatchthisbawlingfellowbelow。You，Mercury，goseewhoitis，andknowwhathewants。Mercurylookedoutatheaven\'strapdoor，throughwhich，asIamtold，theyhearwhatissaidherebelow。Bytheway，onemightwellenoughmistakeitforthescuttleofaship；thoughIcaromenippussaiditwaslikethemouthofawell。Thelight-heeleddeitysawthatitwashonestTom，whoaskedforhislosthatchet；andaccordinglyhemadehisreporttothesynod。Marry，saidJupiter，wearefinelyhelpedup，asifwehadnownothingelsetodoherebuttorestorelosthatchets。Well，hemusthaveitthenforallthis，forso\'tiswrittenintheBookofFatedoyouhear？，aswellasifitwasworththewholeduchyofMilan。Thetruthis，thefellow\'shatchetisasmuchtohimasakingdomtoaking。Come，come，letnomorewordsbescatteredaboutit；lethimhavehishatchetagain。
Now，letusmakeanendofthedifferencebetwixttheLevitesandmole-
catchersofLanderousse。Whereaboutswerewe？Priapuswasstandinginthechimney-corner，andhavingheardwhatMercuryhadreported，saidinamostcourteousandjovialmanner:KingJupiter，whilebyyourorderandparticularfavourIwasgarden-keeper-generalonearth，Iobservedthatthiswordhatchetisequivocaltomanythings；foritsignifiesacertaininstrumentbythemeansofwhichmenfellandcleavetimber。ItalsosignifiesatleastIamsureitdidformerlyafemalesoundlyandfrequentlythumpthumpriggletickletwiddletobyed。ThusIperceivedthateverycockofthegameusedtocallhisdoxyhishatchet；forwiththatsametoolthishesaidluggingoutandexhibitinghisnine-inchknocker
theysostronglyandresolutelyshoveanddriveintheirhelves，thatthefemalesremainfreefromafearepidemicalamongsttheirsex，viz。，thatfromthebottomofthemale\'sbellytheinstrumentshoulddangleathisheelforwantofsuchfeminineprops。AndIremember，forIhaveamember，andamemorytoo，ay，andafinememory，largeenoughtofillabutter-
firkin；Iremember，Isay，thatonedayoftubilustrehorn-fairatthefestivalsofgoodmanVulcaninMay，IheardJosquinDesPrez，Olkegan，Hobrecht，Agricola，Brumel，Camelin，Vigoris，DelaFage，Bruyer，Prioris，Seguin，DelaRue，Midy，Moulu，Mouton，Gascogne，Loyset，Compere，Penet，Fevin，Rousee，RichardFort，Rousseau，Consilion，ConstantioFesti，JacquetBercan，melodiouslysingingthefollowingcatchonapleasantgreen:
LongJohntobedwenttohisbride，Andlaidamalletbyhisside:
Whatmeansthismallet，John？saithshe。
Why！\'tistowedgetheehome，quothhe。
Alas！criedshe，theman\'safool:
Whatneedyouuseawoodentool？
WhenlustyJohndoestomecome，Henevershovesbutwithhisbum。
NineOlympiads，andanintercalaryyearafterIhaveararemember，I
wouldsaymemory；butIoftenmakeblundersinthesymbolizationandcolliganceofthosetwowords，IheardAdrianVillart，Gombert，Janequin，Arcadet，Claudin，Certon，Manchicourt，Auxerre，Villiers，Sandrin，Sohier，Hesdin，Morales，Passereau，Maille，Maillart，Jacotin，Heurteur，Verdelot，Carpentras，L\'Heritier，Cadeac，Doublet，Vermont，Bouteiller，Lupi，Pagnier，Millet，DuMoulin，Alaire，Maraut，Morpain，Gendre，andothermerryloversofmusic，inaprivategarden，undersomefineshadytrees，roundaboutabulwarkofflagons，gammons，pasties，withseveralcoatedquails，andlacedmutton，waggishlysinging:
Sincetoolswithouttheirhaftsareuselesslumber，Andhatchetswithouthelvesareofthatnumber；
Thatonemaygoint\'other，andmaymatchit，I\'llbethehelve，andthoushaltbethehatchet。
NowwouldIknowwhatkindofhatchetthisbawlingTomwants？Thisthrewallthevenerablegodsandgoddessesintoafitoflaughter，likeanymicrocosmofflies；andevensetlimpingVulcana-hoppingandjumpingsmoothlythreeorfourtimesforthesakeofhisdear。Come，come，saidJupitertoMercury，rundownimmediately，andcastatthepoorfellow\'sfeetthreehatchets:hisown，anotherofgold，andathirdofmassysilver，allofonesize；thenhavingleftittohiswilltotakehischoice，ifhetakehisown，andbesatisfiedwithit，givehimtheothertwo；ifhetakeanother，chophisheadoffwithhisown；andhenceforthservemeallthoselosersofhatchetsafterthatmanner。Havingsaidthis，Jupiter，withanawkwardturnofhishead，likeajackanapesswallowingofpills，madesodreadfulaphizthatallthevastOlympusquakedagain。
Heaven\'sfootmessenger，thankstohislow-crownednarrow-brimmedhat，hisplumeoffeathers，heel-pieces，andrunningstickwithpigeonwings，flingshimselfoutatheaven\'swicket，throughtheidledesertsoftheair，andinatricenimblyalightsupontheearth，andthrowsatfriendTom\'sfeetthethreehatchets，sayinguntohim:Thouhastbawledlongenoughtobea-dry；
thyprayersandrequestaregrantedbyJupiter:seewhichofthesethreeisthyhatchet，andtakeitawaywiththee。Wellhungliftsupthegoldenhatchet，peepsuponit，andfindsitveryheavy；thenstaringonMercury，cries，Codszouks，thisisnoneofmine；Iwon\'tha\'t:thesamehedidwiththesilverone，andsaid，\'Tisnotthisneither，youmaye\'entakethemagain。Atlasthetakesuphisownhatchet，examinestheendofthehelve，andfindshismarkthere；then，ravishedwithjoy，likeafoxthatmeetssomestragglingpoultry，andsneeringfromthetipofthenose，hecried，Bythemass，thisismyhatchet，mastergod；ifyouwillleaveitme，I
willsacrificetoyouaverygoodandhugepotofmilkbrimful，coveredwithfinestrawberries，nextidesofMay。
Honestfellow，saidMercury，Ileaveitthee；takeit；andbecausethouhastwishedandchosenmoderatelyinpointofhatchet，byJupiter\'scommandIgivetheethesetwoothers；thouhastnowwherewithtomakethyselfrich:
behonest。HonestTomgaveMercuryawholecartloadofthanks，andreveredthemostgreatJupiter。Hisoldhatchethefastensclosetohisleatherngirdle，andgirdsitabovehisbreechlikeMartinofCambray；thetwoothers，beingmoreheavy，helaysonhisshoulder。Thusheplodson，trudgingoverthefields，keepingagoodcountenanceamongsthisneighboursandfellow-parishioners，withonemerrysayingorotherafterPatelin\'sway。Thenextday，havingputonacleanwhitejacket，hetakesonhisbackthetwoprecioushatchetsandcomestoChinon，thefamouscity，noblecity，ancientcity，yea，thefirstcityintheworld，accordingtothejudgmentandassertionofthemostlearnedMassorets。AtChinonheturnedhissilverhatchetintofinetestons，crown-pieces，andotherwhitecash；
hisgoldenhatchetintofineangels，curiousducats，substantialridders，spankers，androse-nobles；thenwiththempurchasesagoodnumberoffarms，barns，houses，out-houses，thatchedhouses，stables，meadows，orchards，fields，vineyards，woods，arablelands，pastures，ponds，mills，gardens，nurseries，oxen，cows，sheep，goats，swine，hogs，asses，horses，hens，cocks，capons，chickens，geese，ganders，ducks，drakes，andaworldofallothernecessaries，andinashorttimebecametherichestmaninthecountry，nay，evenricherthanthatlimpingscrape-goodMaulevrier。Hisbrotherbumpkins，andtheotheryeomenandcountry-putsthereabouts，perceivinghisgoodfortune，werenotalittleamazed，insomuchthattheirformerpityofpoorTomwassoonchangedintoanenvyofhissogreatandunexpectedrise；andastheycouldnotfortheirsoulsdevisehowthiscameabout，theymadeittheirbusinesstopryupanddown，andlaytheirheadstogether，toinquire，seek，andinformthemselvesbywhatmeans，inwhatplace，onwhatday，whathour，how，why，andwherefore，hehadcomebythisgreattreasure。
Atlast，hearingitwasbylosinghishatchet，Ha，ha！saidthey，wastherenomoretodobuttoloseahatchettomakeusrich？Mumforthat；\'tisaseasyaspissingabed，andwillcostbutlittle。Arethenatthistimetherevolutionsoftheheavens，theconstellationsofthefirmament，andaspectsoftheplanetssuch，thatwhosoevershallloseahatchetshallimmediatelygrowrich？Ha，ha，ha！byJove，youshalle\'enbelost，an\'tpleaseyou，mydearhatchet。Withthistheyallfairlylosttheirhatchetsoutofhand。Thedevilofonethathadahatchetleft；hewasnothismother\'ssonthatdidnotlosehishatchet。Nomorewaswoodfelledorcleavedinthatcountrythroughwantofhatchets。Nay，theAesopianapologueevensaiththatcertainpettycountrygentsofthelowerclass，whohadsoldWellhungtheirlittlemillandlittlefieldtohavewherewithaltomakeafigureatthenextmuster，havingbeentoldthathistreasurewascometohimbythatonlymeans，soldtheonlybadgeoftheirgentility，theirswords，topurchasehatchetstogolosethem，asthesillyclodpatesdid，inhopestogainstoreofchinkbythatloss。
Youwouldhavetrulysworntheyhadbeenaparcelofyourpettyspiritualusurers，Rome-bound，sellingtheirall，andborrowingofothers，tobuystoreofmandates，apennyworthofanew-madepope。
Nowtheycriedoutandbrayed，andprayedandbawled，andlamented，andinvokedJupiter:Myhatchet！myhatchet！Jupiter，myhatchet！onthisside，Myhatchet！onthatside，Myhatchet！Ho，ho，ho，ho，Jupiter，myhatchet！Theairroundaboutrungagainwiththecriesandhowlingsoftheserascallylosersofhatchers。
Mercurywasnimbleinbringingthemhatchets；toeachofferingthatwhichhehadlost，asalsoanotherofgold，andathirdofsilver。
Everyhestillwasforthatofgold，givingthanksinabundancetothegreatgiver，Jupiter；butintheverynickoftimethattheybowedandstoopedtotakeitfromtheground，whip，inatrice，Mercuryloppedofftheirheads，asJupiterhadcommanded；andofheadsthuscutoffthenumberwasjustequaltothatofthelosthatchets。
Youseehowitisnow；youseehowitgoeswiththosewhointhesimplicityoftheirheartswishanddesirewithmoderation。Takewarningbythis，allyougreedy，fresh-watersharks，whoscorntowishforanythingundertenthousandpounds；anddonotforthefuturerunonimpudently，asIhavesometimesheardyouwishing，WouldtoGodIhadnowonehundredseventy-
eightmillionsofgold！Oh！howIshouldtickleitoff。Thedeuceonyou，whatmoremightaking，anemperor，orapopewishfor？Forthatreason，indeed，youseethatafteryouhavemadesuchhopefulwishes，allthegoodthatcomestoyouofitistheitchorthescab，andnotacrossinyourbreechestoscarethedevilthattemptsyoutomakethesewishes:nomorethanthosetwomumpers，wishersafterthecustomofParis；oneofwhomonlywishedtohaveingoodoldgoldasmuchashathbeenspent，bought，andsoldinParis，sinceitsfirstfoundationswerelaid，tothishour；allofitvaluedattheprice，sale，andrateofthedearestyearinallthatspaceoftime。Doyouthinkthefellowwasbashful？Hadheeatensourplumsunpeeled？Werehisteethonedge，Iprayyou？TheotherwishedOurLady\'sChurchbrimfulofsteelneedles，fromthefloortothetopoftheroof，andtohaveasmanyducatsasmightbecrammedintoasmanybagsasmightbesewedwitheachandeveryoneofthoseneedles，tilltheywerealleitherbrokeatthepointoreye。Thisistowishwithavengeance！Whatthinkyouofit？Whatdidtheygetby\'t，inyouropinion？Whyatnightbothmygentlemenhadkibedheels，atetterinthechin，achurchyardcoughinthelungs，acatarrhinthethroat，aswingeingboilattherump，andthedevilofonemustycrustofabrowngeorgethepoordogshadtoscourtheirgrinderswith。Wishthereforeformediocrity，anditshallbegivenuntoyou，andoverandaboveyet；thatistosay，providedyoubestiryourselfmanfully，anddoyourbestinthemeantime。
Ay，butsayyou，Godmightassoonhavegivenmeseventy-eightthousandasthethirteenthpartofonehalf；forheisomnipotent，andamillionofgoldisnomoretohimthanonefarthing。Oh，ho！praytellmewhotaughtyoutotalkatthisrateofthepowerandpredestinationofGod，poorsillypeople？Peace，tush，st，st，st！falldownbeforehissacredfaceandownthenothingnessofyournothing。
Uponthis，Oyethatlabourundertheafflictionofthegout，Igroundmyhopes；firmlybelieving，thatifsoitpleasesthedivinegoodness，youshallobtainhealth；sinceyouwishandaskfornothingelse，atleastforthepresent。Well，stayyetalittlelongerwithhalfanounceofpatience。
TheGenoesedonotuse，likeyou，tobesatisfiedwithwishinghealthalone，whenaftertheyhaveallthelivelongmorningbeeninabrownstudy，talked，pondered，ruminated，andresolvedinthecounting-housesofwhomandhowtheymaysqueezetheready，andwhobytheircraftmustbehookedin，wheedled，bubbled，sharped，overreached，andchoused；theygototheexchange，andgreetoneanotherwithaSanitaeguadagno，Messer！healthandgaintoyou，sir！Healthalonewillnotgodownwiththegreedycurmudgeons；theyoverandabovemustwishforgain，withapoxto\'em；ay，andforthefinecrowns，orscudidiGuadaigne；whence，heavenbepraised！
ithappensmanyatimethatthesillywishersandwouldersarebaulked，andgetneither。
Now，mylads，asyouhopeforgoodhealth，coughoncealoudwithlungsofleather；takemeoffthreeswingeingbumpers；prickupyourears；andyoushallhearmetellwondersofthenobleandgoodPantagruel。
THEFOURTHBOOK。
Chapter4。I。
HowPantagruelwenttoseatovisittheoracleofBacbuc，aliastheHolyBottle。
InthemonthofJune，onVesta\'sholiday，theverynumericaldayonwhichBrutus，conqueringSpain，taughtitsstruttingdonstotruckleunderhim，andthatniggardlymiserCrassuswasroutedandknockedontheheadbytheParthians，PantagrueltookhisleaveofthegoodGargantua，hisroyalfather。Theoldgentleman，accordingtothelaudablecustomoftheprimitiveChristians，devoutlyprayedforthehappyvoyageofhissonandhiswholecompany，andthentheytookshippingattheportofThalassa。
PantagruelhadwithhimPanurge，FriarJohndesEntomeures，aliasoftheFunnels，Epistemon，Gymnast，Eusthenes，Rhizotome，Carpalin，cummultisaliis，hisancientservantsanddomestics；alsoXenomanes，thegreattraveller，whohadcrossedsomanydangerousroads，dikes，ponds，seas，andsoforth，andwascomesometimebefore，havingbeensentforbyPanurge。
Forcertaingoodcausesandconsiderationshimthereuntomoving，hehadleftwithGargantua，andmarkedout，inhisgreatanduniversalhydrographicalchart，thecoursewhichtheyweretosteertovisittheOracleoftheHolyBottleBacbuc。ThenumberofshipsweresuchasI
describedinthethirdbook，convoyedbyalikenumberoftriremes，menofwar，galleons，andfeluccas，well-rigged，caulked，andstoredwithagoodquantityofPantagruelion。
Alltheofficers，droggermen，pilots，captains，mates，boatswains，midshipmen，quartermasters，andsailors，metintheThalamege，Pantagruel\'sprincipalflag-ship，whichhadinhersternforherensignahugelargebottle，halfsilverwellpolished，theotherhalfgoldenamelledwithcarnation；wherebyitwaseasytoguessthatwhiteandredwerethecoloursofthenobletravellers，andthattheywentforthewordoftheBottle。
Onthesternofthesecondwasalanternlikethoseoftheancients，industriouslymadewithdiaphanousstone，implyingthattheyweretopassbyLanternland。Thethirdshiphadforherdeviceafinedeepchinaewer。
Thefourth，adouble-handedjarofgold，muchlikeanancienturn。Thefifth，afamouscanmadeofspermofemerald。Thesixth，amonk\'smumpingbottlemadeofthefourmetalstogether。Theseventh，anebonyfunnel，allembossedandwroughtwithgoldaftertheTauchicmanner。Theeighth，anivygoblet，veryprecious，inlaidwithgold。Theninth，acupoffineObrizgold。Thetenth，atumblerofaromaticagolochyoucallitlignumaloesedgedwithCypriangold，aftertheAzeminemake。Theeleventh，agoldenvine-tubofmosaicwork。Thetwelfth，arunletofunpolishedgold，coveredwithasmallvineoflargeIndianpearlofTopiarianwork。
Insomuchthattherewasnotaman，howeverinthedumps，musty，sour-
looked，ormelancholichewere，notevenexceptingthatblubberingwhinerHeraclitus，hadhebeenthere，butseeingthisnobleconvoyofshipsandtheirdevices，musthavebeenseizedwithpresentgladnessofheart，and，smilingattheconceit，havesaidthatthetravellerswereallhonesttopers，truepitcher-men，andhavejudgedbyamostsureprognosticationthattheirvoyage，bothoutwardandhomeward-bound，wouldbeperformedinmirthandperfecthealth。
IntheThalamege，wherewasthegeneralmeeting，Pantagruelmadeashortbutsweetexhortation，whollybackedwithauthoritiesfromScriptureuponnavigation；whichbeingended，withanaudiblevoiceprayersweresaidinthepresenceandhearingofalltheburghersofThalassa，whohadflockedtothemoletoseethemtakeshipping。AftertheprayerswasmelodiouslysungapsalmoftheholyKingDavid，whichbegins，WhenIsraelwentoutofEgypt；andthatbeingended，tableswereplacedupondeck，andafeastspeedilyservedup。TheThalassians，whohadalsoborneachorusinthepsalm，causedstoreofbelly-timbertobebroughtoutoftheirhouses。Alldranktothem；theydranktoall；whichwasthecausethatnoneofthewholecompanygaveupwhattheyhadeaten，norweresea-sick，withapainattheheadandstomach；whichinconveniencytheycouldnotsoeasilyhavepreventedbydrinking，forsometimebefore，saltwater，eitheraloneormixedwithwine；usingquinces，citronpeel，juiceofpomegranates，sourishsweetmeats，fastingalongtime，coveringtheirstomachswithpaper，orfollowingsuchotheridleremediesasfoolishphysiciansprescribetothosethatgotosea。
Havingoftenrenewedtheirtipplings，eachmother\'ssonretiredonboardhisownship，andsetsailallsofastwithamerrygaleatsouth-east；towhichpointofthecompassthechiefpilot，JamesBrayerbyname，hadshapedhiscourse，andfixedallthingsaccordingly。ForseeingthattheOracleoftheHolyBottlelaynearCathay，intheUpperIndia，hisadvice，andthatofXenomanesalso，wasnottosteerthecoursewhichthePortugueseuse，whilesailingthroughthetorridzone，andCapeBonaSperanza，atthesouthpointofAfrica，beyondtheequinoctialline，andlosingsightofthenorthernpole，theirguide，theymakeaprodigiouslongvoyage；butrathertokeepasneartheparallelofthesaidIndiaaspossible，andtotacktothewestwardofthesaidpole，sothatwindingunderthenorth，theymightfindthemselvesinthelatitudeoftheportofOlone，withoutcomingneareritforfearofbeingshutupinthefrozensea；whereas，followingthiscanonicalturn，bythesaidparallel，theymusthavethatontherighttotheeastward，whichattheirdeparturewasontheirleft。
Thisprovedamuchshortercut；forwithoutshipwreck，danger，orlossofmen，withuninterruptedgoodweather，exceptonedayneartheislandoftheMacreons，theyperformedinlessthanfourmonthsthevoyageofUpperIndia，whichthePortuguese，withathousandinconveniencesandinnumerabledangers，canhardlycompleteinthreeyears。Anditismyopinion，withsubmissiontobetterjudgments，thatthiscoursewasperhapssteeredbythoseIndianswhosailedtoGermany，andwerehonourablyreceivedbytheKingoftheSwedes，whileQuintusMetellusCelerwasproconsuloftheGauls；asCorneliusNepos，PomponiusMela，andPlinyafterthemtellus。
Chapter4。II。
HowPantagruelboughtmanyraritiesintheislandofMedamothy。
Thatdayandthetwofollowingtheyneitherdiscoveredlandnoranythingnew；fortheyhadformerlysailedthatway:butonthefourththeymadeanislandcalledMedamothy，ofafineanddelightfulprospect，byreasonofthevastnumberoflighthousesandhighmarbletowersinitscircuit，whichisnotlessthanthatofCanadasic。Pantagruel，inquiringwhogovernedthere，heardthatitwasKingPhilophanes，absentatthattimeuponaccountofthemarriageofhisbrotherPhilotheamonwiththeinfantaofthekingdomofEngys。
Hearingthis，hewentashoreintheharbour，andwhileeveryship\'screwwatered，passedhistimeinviewingdiverspictures，piecesoftapestry，animals，fishes，birds，andotherexoticandforeignmerchandises，whichwerealongthewalksofthemoleandinthemarketsoftheport。Foritwasthethirddayofthegreatandfamousfairoftheplace，towhichthechiefmerchantsofAfricaandAsiaresorted。OutoftheseFriarJohnboughthimtworarepictures；inoneofwhichthefaceofamanthatbringsinanappealwasdrawntothelife；andintheotheraservantthatwantsamaster，witheveryneedfulparticular，action，countenance，look，gait，feature，anddeportment，beinganoriginalbyMasterCharlesCharmois，principalpaintertoKingMegistus；andhepaidfortheminthecourtfashion，withcongeandgrimace。Panurgeboughtalargepicture，copiedanddonefromtheneedle-workformerlywroughtbyPhilomela，showingtohersisterPrognehowherbrother-in-lawTereushadbyforcehandselledhercopyhold，andthencutouthertonguethatshemightnotaswomenwill
telltales。Ivowandswearbythehandleofmypaperlanternthatitwasagallant，amirific，nay，amostadmirablepiece。Nordoyouthink，I
prayyou，thatinitwasthepictureofamanplayingthebeastwithtwobackswithafemale；thishadbeentoosillyandgross:no，no；itwasanother-guisething，andmuchplainer。Youmay，ifyouplease，seeitatTheleme，onthelefthandasyougointothehighgallery。Epistemonboughtanother，whereinwerepaintedtothelifetheideasofPlatoandtheatomsofEpicurus。Rhizotomepurchasedanother，whereinEchowasdrawntothelife。Pantagruelcausedtobebought，byGymnast，thelifeanddeedsofAchilles，inseventy-eightpiecesoftapestry，fourfathomlong，andthreefathombroad，allofPhrygiansilk，embossedwithgoldandsilver；
theworkbeginningatthenuptialsofPeleusandThetis，continuingtothebirthofAchilles；hisyouth，describedbyStatiusPapinius；hiswarlikeachievements，celebratedbyHomer；hisdeathandobsequies，writtenbyOvidandQuintusCalaber；andendingattheappearanceofhisghost，andPolyxena\'ssacrifice，rehearsedbyEuripides。
Healsocausedtobeboughtthreefineyoungunicorns；oneofthemamaleofachestnutcolour，andtwogreydappledfemales；alsoatarand，whomheboughtofaScythianoftheGelones\'country。
Atarandisananimalasbigasabullock，havingaheadlikeastag，oralittlebigger，twostatelyhornswithlargebranches，clovenfeet，hairlonglikethatofafurredMuscovite，Imeanabear，andaskinalmostashardassteelarmour。TheScythiansaidthattherearebutfewtarandstobefoundinScythia，becauseitvariethitscolouraccordingtothediversityoftheplaceswhereitgrazesandabides，andrepresentsthecolourofthegrass，plants，trees，shrubs，flowers，meadows，rocks，andgenerallyofallthingsnearwhichitcomes。Ithaththiscommonwiththesea-pulp，orpolypus，withthethoes，withthewolvesofIndia，andwiththechameleon，whichisakindofalizardsowonderfulthatDemocritushathwrittenawholebookofitsfigureandanatomy，asalsoofitsvirtueandproprietyinmagic。ThisIcanaffirm，thatIhaveseenitchangeitscolour，notonlyattheapproachofthingsthathaveacolour，butbyitsownvoluntaryimpulse，accordingtoitsfearorotheraffections；as，forexample，uponagreencarpetIhavecertainlyseenitbecomegreen；buthavingremainedtheresometime，itturnedyellow，blue，tanned，andpurpleincourse，inthesamemannerasyouseeaturkey-cock\'scombchangecolouraccordingtoitspassions。Butwhatwefindmostsurprisinginthistarandis，thatnotonlyitsfaceandskin，butalsoitshaircouldtakewhatevercolourwasaboutit。NearPanurge，withhiskerseycoat，itshairusedtoturngrey；nearPantagruel，withhisscarletmantle，itshairandskingrewred；nearthepilot，dressedafterthefashionoftheIsiacsofAnubisinEgypt，itshairseemedallwhite，whichtwolastcoloursthechameleonscannotborrow。
Whenthecreaturewasfreefromanyfearoraffection，thecolourofitshairwasjustsuchasyouseethatoftheassesofMeung。
Chapter4。III。
HowPantagruelreceivedaletterfromhisfatherGargantua，andofthestrangewaytohavespeedynewsfromfardistantplaces。
WhilePantagruelwastakenupwiththepurchaseofthoseforeignanimals，thenoiseoftengunsandculverins，togetherwithaloudandjoyfulcheerofallthefleet，washeardfromthemole。Pantagruellookedtowardsthehaven，andperceivedthatthiswasoccasionedbythearrivalofoneofhisfatherGargantua\'sceloces，oradvice-boats，namedtheChelidonia；becauseonthesternofitwascarvedinCorinthianbrassasea-swallow，whichisafishaslargeasadare-fishofLoire，allflesh，withoutscale，withcartilaginouswingslikeabat\'sverylongandbroad，bythemeansofwhichIhaveseenthemflyaboutthreefathomabovewater，aboutabow-
shot。AtMarseilles\'tiscalledlendole。Andindeedthatshipwasaslightasaswallow，sothatitratherseemedtoflyontheseathantosail。Malicorne，Gargantua\'sesquirecarver，wascomeinher，beingsentexpresslybyhismastertohaveanaccountofhisson\'shealthandcircumstances，andtobringhimcredentials。WhenMalicornehadsalutedPantagruel，beforetheprinceopenedtheletters，thefirstthinghesaidtohimwas，HaveyouheretheGozal，theheavenlymessenger？Yes，sir，saidhe；hereitisswaddledupinthisbasket。Itwasagreypigeon，takenoutofGargantua\'sdove-house，whoseyoungoneswerejusthatchedwhentheadvice-boatwasgoingoff。
IfanyillfortunehadbefallenPantagruel，hewouldhavefastenedsomeblackribbontohisfeet；butbecauseallthingshadsucceededhappilyhitherto，havingcausedittobeundressed，hetiedtoitsfeetawhiteribbon，andwithoutanyfurtherdelayletitloose。Thepigeonpresentlyflewaway，cuttingtheairwithanincrediblespeed，asyouknowthatthereisnoflightlikeapigeon\'s，especiallywhenithatheggsoryoungones，throughtheextremecarewhichnaturehathfixedinittorelieveandbewithitsyoung；insomuchthatinlessthantwohoursitcompassedintheairthelongtractwhichtheadvice-boat，withallherdiligence，withoarsandsails，andafairwind，couldnotgothroughinlessthanthreedaysandthreenights；andwasseenasitwentintothedove-houseinitsnest。
WhereuponGargantua，hearingthatithadthewhiteribbonon，wasjoyfulandsecureofhisson\'swelfare。ThiswasthecustomofthenobleGargantuaandPantagruelwhentheywouldhavespeedynewsofsomethingofgreatconcern；astheeventofsomebattle，eitherbyseaorland；thesurrenderingorholdingoutofsomestrongplace；thedeterminationofsomedifferenceofmoment；thesafeorunhappydeliveryofsomequeenorgreatlady；thedeathorrecoveryoftheirsickfriendsorallies，andsoforth。
Theyusedtotakethegozal，andhaditcarriedfromonetoanotherbythepost，totheplaceswhencetheydesiredtohavenews。Thegozal，bearingeitherablackorwhiteribbon，accordingtotheoccurrencesandaccidents，usedtoremovetheirdoubtsatitsreturn，makinginthespaceofonehourmorewaythroughtheairthanthirtypostboyscouldhavedoneinonenaturalday。Maynotthisbesaidtoredeemandgaintimewithavengeance，thinkyou？Forthelikeservice，therefore，youmaybelieveasamosttruethingthatinthedove-housesoftheirfarmsthereweretobefoundalltheyearlongstoreofpigeonshatchingeggsorrearingtheiryoung。Whichmaybeeasilydoneinaviariesandvoleriesbythehelpofsaltpetreandthesacredherbvervain。
Thegozalbeingletfly，PantagruelperusedhisfatherGargantua\'sletter，thecontentsofwhichwereasfolloweth:
MydearestSon，——Theaffectionthatnaturallyafatherbearsabelovedsonissomuchincreasedinmebyreflectingontheparticulargiftswhichbythedivinegoodnesshavebeenheapedonthee，thatsincethydepartureithathoftenbanishedallotherthoughtsoutofmymind，leavingmyheartwhollypossessedwithfearlestsomemisfortunehasattendedthyvoyage；
forthouknowestthatfearwasevertheattendantoftrueandsincerelove。
Nowbecause，asHesiodsaith，Agoodbeginningofanythingisthehalfofit；or，Wellbegun\'shalfdone，accordingtotheoldsaying；tofreemymindfromthisanxietyIhaveexpresslydespatchedMalicorne，thathemaygivemeatrueaccountofthyhealthatthebeginningofthyvoyage。Forifitbegood，andsuchasIwishit，Ishalleasilyforeseetherest。
Ihavemetwithsomedivertingbooks，whichthebearerwilldeliverthee；
thoumayestreadthemwhenthouwantesttounbendandeasethymindfromthybetterstudies。Hewillalsogivetheeatlargethenewsatcourt。
ThepeaceoftheLordbewiththee。RemembermetoPanurge，FriarJohn，Epistemon，Xenomanes，Gymnast，andthyotherprincipaldomestics。Datedatourpaternalseat，this13thdayofJune。
Thyfatherandfriend，Gargantua。
Chapter4。IV。
HowPantagruelwrittohisfatherGargantua，andsenthimseveralcuriosities。
Pantagruel，havingperusedtheletter，hadalongconferencewiththeesquireMalicorne；insomuchthatPanurge，atlastinterruptingthem，askedhim，Pray，sir，whendoyoudesigntodrink？Whenshallwedrink？Whenshalltheworshipfulesquiredrink？Whatadevil！haveyounottalkedlongenoughtodrink？Itisagoodmotion，answeredPantagruel:go，getussomethingreadyatthenextinn；Ithink\'tistheCentaur。InthemeantimehewrittoGargantuaasfolloweth，tobesentbytheaforesaidesquire:
MostgraciousFather，——Asoursensesandanimalfacultiesaremorediscomposedatthenewsofeventsunexpected，thoughdesiredeventoanimmediatedissolutionofthesoulfromthebody，thanifthoseaccidentshadbeenforeseen，sothecomingofMalicornehathmuchsurprisedanddisorderedme。ForIhadnohopestoseeanyofyourservants，ortohearfromyou，beforeIhadfinishedourvoyage；andcontentedmyselfwiththedearremembranceofyouraugustmajesty，deeplyimpressedinthehindmostventricleofmybrain，oftenrepresentingyoutomymind。
Butsinceyouhavemademehappybeyondexpectationbytheperusalofyourgraciousletter，andthefaithIhaveinyouresquirehathrevivedmyspiritsbythenewsofyourwelfare，IamasitwerecompelledtodowhatformerlyIdidfreely，thatis，firsttopraisetheblessedRedeemer，whobyhisdivinegoodnesspreservesyouinthislongenjoymentofperfecthealth；thentoreturnyoueternalthanksfortheferventaffectionwhichyouhaveformeyourmosthumblesonandunprofitableservant。
FormerlyaRoman，namedFurnius，saidtoAugustus，whohadreceivedhisfatherintofavour，andpardonedhimafterhehadsidedwithAntony，thatbythatactiontheemperorhadreducedhimtothisextremity，thatforwantofpowertobegrateful，bothwhilehelivedandafterit，heshouldbeobligedtobetaxedwithingratitude。SoImaysay，thattheexcessofyourfatherlyaffectiondrivesmeintosuchastrait，thatIshallbeforcedtoliveanddieungrateful；unlessthatcrimeberedressedbythesentenceoftheStoics，whosaythattherearethreepartsinabenefit，theoneofthegiver，theotherofthereceiver，thethirdoftheremunerator；andthatthereceiverrewardsthegiverwhenhefreelyreceivesthebenefitandalwaysremembersit；as，onthecontrary，thatmanismostungratefulwhodespisesandforgetsabenefit。Therefore，beingoverwhelmedwithinfinitefavours，allproceedingfromyourextremegoodness，andontheothersidewhollyincapableofmakingthesmallestreturn，Ihopeatleasttofreemyselffromtheimputationofingratitude，sincetheycanneverbeblottedoutofmymind；andmytongueshallneverceasetoownthattothankyouasIoughttranscendsmycapacity。
Asforus，IhavethisassuranceintheLord\'smercyandhelp，thattheendofourvoyagewillbeanswerabletoitsbeginning，andsoitwillbeentirelyperformedinhealthandmirth。Iwillnotfailtosetdowninajournalafullaccountofournavigation，thatatourreturnyoumayhaveanexactrelationofthewhole。
IhavefoundhereaScythiantarand，ananimalstrangeandwonderfulforthevariationsofcolouronitsskinandhair，accordingtothedistinctionofneighbouringthings；itisastractableandeasilykeptasalamb。Bepleasedtoacceptofit。
Ialsosendyouthreeyoungunicorns，whicharethetamestofcreatures。
Ihaveconferredwiththeesquire，andtaughthimhowtheymustbefed。
Thesecannotgrazeonthegroundbyreasonofthelonghornontheirforehead，butareforcedtobrowseonfruittrees，oronproperracks，ortobefedbyhand，withherbs，sheaves，apples，pears，barley，rye，andotherfruitsandroots，beingplacedbeforethem。
Iamamazedthatancientwritersshouldreportthemtobesowild，furious，anddangerous，andneverseenalive；farfromit，youwillfindthattheyarethemildestthingsintheworld，providedtheyarenotmaliciouslyoffended。LikewiseIsendyouthelifeanddeedsofAchillesincurioustapestry；assuringyouwhateverraritiesofanimals，plants，birds，orpreciousstones，andothers，Ishallbeabletofindandpurchaseinourtravels，shallbebroughttoyou，Godwilling，whomIbeseech，byhisblessedgrace，topreserveyou。
FromMedamothy，this15thofJune。Panurge，FriarJohn，Epistemon，Zenomanes，Gymnast，Eusthenes，Rhizotome，andCarpalin，havingmosthumblykissedyourhand，returnyoursaluteathousandtimes。
Yourmostdutifulsonandservant，Pantagruel。
WhilePantagruelwaswritingthisletter，Malicornewasmadewelcomebyallwithathousandgoodlygood-morrowsandhow-d\'ye\'s；theyclungabouthimsothatIcannottellyouhowmuchtheymadeofhim，howmanyhumbleservices，howmanyfrommyloveandtomyloveweresentwithhim。Pantagruel，havingwrithisletters，satdownattablewithhim，andafterwardspresentedhimwithalargechainofgold，weighingeighthundredcrowns，betweenwhoseseptenarylinkssomelargediamonds，rubies，emeralds，turquoisestones，andunionswerealternatelysetin。Toeachofhisbark\'screwheorderedtobegivenfivehundredcrowns。ToGargantua，hisfather，hesentthetarandcoveredwithaclothofsatin，brocadedwithgold，andthetapestrycontainingthelifeanddeedsofAchilles，withthethreeunicornsinfriezedclothofgoldtrappings；andsotheyleftMedamothy——MalicornetoreturntoGargantua，Pantagrueltoproceedinhisvoyage，duringwhichEpistemonreadtohimthebookswhichtheesquirehadbrought，andbecausehefoundthemjovialandpleasant，Ishallgiveyouanaccountofthem，ifyouearnestlydesireit。
Chapter4。V。
HowPantagruelmetashipwithpassengersreturningfromLanternland。
Onthefifthdaywebeganalreadytowindbylittleandlittleaboutthepole；goingstillfartherfromtheequinoctialline，wediscoveredamerchant-mantothewindwardofus。Thejoyforthiswasnotsmallonbothsides；weinhopestohearnewsfromsea，andthoseinthemerchant-manfromland。Soweboreupon\'em，andcomingupwiththemwehailedthem；
andfindingthemtobeFrenchmenofXaintonge，backedoursailsandlaybytotalktothem。PantagruelheardthattheycamefromLanternland；whichaddedtohisjoy，andthatofthewholefleet。Weinquiredaboutthestateofthatcountry，andthewayoflivingoftheLanterns；andweretoldthataboutthelatterendofthefollowingJulywasthetimeprefixedforthemeetingofthegeneralchapteroftheLanterns；andthatifwearrivedthereatthattime，aswemighteasily，weshouldseeahandsome，honourable，andjollycompanyofLanterns；andthatgreatpreparationsweremaking，asiftheyintendedtolanternizetheretothepurpose。WeweretoldalsothatifwetouchedatthegreatkingdomofGebarim，weshouldbehonourablyreceivedandtreatedbythesovereignofthatcountry，KingOhabe，who，aswellasallhissubjects，speaksTouraineFrench。
Whilewewerelisteningtothesenews，PanurgefelloutwithoneDingdong，adroverorsheep-merchantofTaillebourg。Theoccasionofthefraywasthus:
ThissameDingdong，seeingPanurgewithoutacodpiece，withhisspectaclesfastenedtohiscap，saidtooneofhiscomrades，Prithee，look，istherenotafinemedalofacuckold？Panurge，byreasonofhisspectacles，asyoumaywellthink，heardmoreplainlybyhalfwithhisearsthanusually；
whichcausedhimhearingthistosaytothesaucydealerinmutton，inakindofapet:
HowthedevilshouldIbeoneofthehornifiedfraternity，sinceIamnotyetabrotherofthemarriage-noose，asthouart；asIguessbythyill-
favouredphiz？
Yea，verily，quoththegrazier，Iammarried，andwouldnotbeotherwiseforallthepairsofspectaclesinEurope；nay，notforallthemagnifyinggimcracksinAfrica；forIhavegotmethecleverest，prettiest，handsomest，properest，neatest，tightest，honestest，andsoberestpieceofwoman\'sfleshformywifethatisinallthewholecountryofXaintonge；
I\'llsaythatforher，andafartforalltherest。Ibringherhomeafineeleven-inch-longbranchofredcoralforherChristmas-box。Whathastthoutodowithit？what\'sthattothee？whoartthou？whencecomestthou，OdarklanternofAntichrist？Answer，ifthouartofGod。Iaskthee，bythewayofquestion，saidPanurgetohimveryseriously，ifwiththeconsentandcountenanceofalltheelements，Ihadgingumbobbed，codpieced，andthumpthumpriggledtickledtwiddledthysoclever，sopretty，sohandsome，soproper，soneat，sotight，sohonest，andsosoberfemaleimportance，insomuchthatthestiffdeitythathasnoforecast，Priapuswhodwellshereatliberty，allsubjectionoffastenedcodpieces，orbolts，bars，andlocks，abdicated，remainedstickinginhernaturalChristmas-boxinsuchalamentablemannerthatitwerenevertocomeout，buteternallyshouldstickthereunlessthoudidstpullitoutwiththyteeth；whatwouldstthoudo？Wouldstthoueverlastinglyleaveitthere，orwouldstthoupluckitoutwiththygrinders？Answerme，OthouramofMahomet，sincethouartoneofthedevil\'sgang。Iwould，repliedthesheepmonger，taketheesuchawoundycutonthisspectacle-bearinglugofthinewithmytrustybilboaswouldsmitetheedeadasaherring。Thus，havingtakenpepperinthenose，hewasluggingouthissword，but，alas！——cursedcowshaveshorthorns，——itstuckinthescabbard；asyouknowthatatseacoldironwilleasilytakerustbyreasonoftheexcessiveandnitrousmoisture。Panurge，sosmittenwithterrorthathisheartsunkdowntohismidriff，scouredofftoPantagruelforhelp；butFriarJohnlaidhandonhisflashingscimitarthatwasnewground，andwouldcertainlyhavedespatchedDingdongtorights，hadnottheskipperandsomeofhispassengersbeseechedPantagruelnottosuffersuchanoutragetobecommittedonboardhisship。Sothematterwasmadeup，andPanurgeandhisantagonistshakedfists，anddrankincoursetooneanotherintokenofaperfectreconciliation。