II。AMEMORABLESITTING。
AndnowtookplacethatmemorablesittingoftheHousewhichbroketworecords。Itlastedthebestpartoftwodaysandanight，surpassingbyhalfanhourthelongestsittingknowntotheworld\'spreviousparliamentaryhistory，andbreakingthelong-speechrecordwithDr。
Lecher\'stwelve-houreffort，thelongestflowofunbrokentalkthatevercameoutofonemouthsincetheworldbegan。
At8。45ontheeveningofthe28thofOctober，whentheHousehadbeensittingafewminutesshortoftenhours，Dr。Lecherwasgrantedthefloor。Itwasagoodplacefortheatricaleffects。IthinkthatnootherSenateHouseissoshapelyasthisone，orsorichlyandshowilydecorated。Itsplanisthatofanopera-house。Uptowardthestraightsideofit——thestageside——riseacoupleofterracesofdesksfortheministry，andtheofficialclerksorsecretaries——terracesthirtyfeetlong，andeachsupportingabouthalfadozendeskswithspacesbetweenthem。AbovetheseisthePresident\'sterrace，againstthewall。Alongitaredistributedtheproperaccommodationsforthepresidingofficerandhisassistants。Thewallisofrichlycolouredmarblehighlypolished，itspaneledsweeprelievedbyflutedcolumnsandpilastersofdistinguishedgraceanddignity，whichglowsoftlyandfrostilyintheelectriclight。Aroundthespacioushalf-circleofthefloorbendsthegreattwo-storiedcurveoftheboxes，itsfrontageelaboratelyornamentedandsumptuouslygilded。OntheflooroftheHousethe425desksradiatefanwisefromthePresident\'stribune。
Thegalleriesarecrowdedonthisparticularevening，forwordhasgoneaboutthattheAusgleichisbeforetheHouse；thatthePresident，RittervonAbrahamowicz，hasbeenthrottlingtheRules；thattheOppositionareinaninflammablestateinconsequence，andthatthenightsessionislikelytobeofanexcitingsort。
Thegalleryguestsarefashionablydressed，andthefineryofthewomenmakesabrightandprettyshowunderthestrongelectriclight。Butdownonthefloorthereisnocostumery。
Thedeputiesaredressedindayclothes；someoftheclothesneatandtrim，othersnot；theremaybethreemembersineveningdress，butnotmore。ThereareseveralCatholicpriestsintheirlongblackgowns，andwithcrucifixeshangingfromtheirnecks。Nomemberwearshishat。OnemayseebythesedetailsthattheaspectsarenotthoseofaneveningsittingofanEnglishHouseofCommons，butratherthoseofasittingofourHouseofRepresentatives。
InhishighplacesitsthePresident，Abrahamowicz，objectoftheOpposition\'slimitlesshatred。Heissunkbackinthedepthsofhisarm-
chair，andhashischindown。Hebringstheendsofhisspreadfingerstogether，infrontofhisbreast，andreflectivelytapsthemtogether，withtheairofonewhowouldliketobeginbusiness，butmustwait，andbeaspatientashecan。ItmakesyouthinkofRichelieu。Nowandthenheswingshisheaduptotheleftortotherightandanswerssomethingwhichsomeonehasbentdowntosaytohim。Thenhetapshisfingersagain。Helookstired，andmaybeatrifleharassed。Heisagray-
haired，long，slenderman，withacolourlesslongface，which，inrepose，suggestsadeath-mask；butwhennotinreposeistossedandrippledbyaturbulentsmilewhichwashesthiswayandthat，andisnoteasytokeepupwith——apioussmile，aholysmile，asaintlysmile，adeprecatingsmile，abeseechingandsupplicatingsmile；andwhenitisatworkthelargemouthopens，andtheflexiblelipscrumple，andunfold，andcrumpleagain，andmovearoundinagenialandpersuasiveandangelicway，andexposelargeglimpsesoftheteeth；andthatinterruptsthesacrednessofthesmileandgivesitmomentarilyamixedworldlyandpoliticalandsataniccast。Itisamostinterestingfacetowatch。Andthenthelonghandsandthebody——theyfurnishgreatandfrequenthelptothefaceinthebusinessofaddingtotheforceofthestatesman\'swords。
Tochangethetense。AtthetimeofwhichIhavejustbeenspeakingthecrowdsinthegalleriesweregazingatthestageandthepitwithraptinterestandexpectancy。Onehalfofthegreatfanofdeskswasineffectempty，vacant；intheotherhalfseveralhundredmemberswerebunchedandjammedtogetherassolidlyasthebristlesinabrush；andtheyalsowerewaitingandexpecting。PresentlytheChairdeliveredthisutterance：
\'Dr。Lecherhasthefloor。\'
ThenburstoutsuchanotherwildandfranticanddeafeningclamourashasnotbeenheardonthisplanetsincethelasttimetheComanchessurprisedawhitesettlementatnight。YellsfromtheLeft，counter-yellsfromtheRight，explosionsofyellsfromallsidesatonce，andalltheairsawedandpawedandclawedandclovenbyawrithingconfusionofgesturingarmsandhands。OutofthemidstofthisthunderandturmoilandtempestroseDr。Lecher，sereneandcollected，andtheprovidentiallengthofhisenabledhisheadtoshowoutofit。Hebeganhistwelve-hourspeech。Atanyrate，hislipscouldbeseentomove，andthatwasevidence。OnhighsatthePresident，imploringorder，withhislonghandsputtogetherasinprayer，andhislipsvisiblybutnothearablyspeaking。Atintervalshegraspedhisbellandswungitupanddownwithvigour，addingitskeenclamourtothestormwelteringtherebelow。
Dr。Lecherwentonwithhispantomimespeech，contented，untroubled。
Hereandthereandnowandthenpowerfulvoicesburstabovethedin，anddeliveredanejaculationthatwasheard。Thenthedinceasedforamomentortwo，andgaveopportunitytohearwhattheChairmightanswer；
thenthenoisebrokeoutagain。ApparentlythePresidentwasbeingchargedwithallsortsofillegalexercisesofpowerintheinterestoftheRighttheGovernmentside：amongthese，witharbitrarilyclosinganOrderofBusinessbeforeitwasfinished；withanunfairdistributionoftherighttothefloor；withrefusalofthefloor，uponquibbleandprotest，tomembersentitledtoit；withstoppingaspeaker\'sspeechuponquibbleandprotest；andwithothertransgressionsoftheRulesoftheHouse。Oneoftheinterrupterswhomadehimselfheardwasayoungfellowofslightbuildandneatdress，whostoodalittleapartfromthesolidcrowdandleanednegligently，withfoldedarmsandfeetcrossed，againstadesk。Trimandhandsome；strongfaceandthinfeatures；blackhairroughedup；parsimoniousmoustache；resonantgreatvoice，ofgoodtoneandpitch。ItisWolf，capableandhospitablewithswordandpistol；
fighteroftherecentduelwithCountBadeni，theheadoftheGovernment。
HeshotBadenithroughthearmandthenwalkedoverinthepolitestwayandinspectedhisgame，shookhands，expressedregret，andallthat。Outofhimcameearlythisthunderingpeal，audibleabovethestorm：
\'Idemandthefloor。Iwishtoofferamotion。\'
Inthesuddenlullwhichfollowed，thePresidentanswered，\'Dr。Lecherhasthefloor。\'
Wolf。\'Imovethecloseofthesitting！\'
P。\'RepresentativeLecherhasthefloor。\'[StormyoutburstfromtheLeft——thatis，theOpposition。]
Wolf。\'Idemandthefloorfortheintroductionofaformalnotion。
[Pause]。Mr。President，areyougoingtograntit，ornot？[CrashofapprovalfromtheLeft。]IwillkeepondemandingthefloortillIgetit。\'
P。\'IcallRepresentativeWolftoorder。Dr。Lecherhasthefloor。\'
Wolf。\'Mr。President，areyougoingtoobservetheRulesofthisHouse？\'
[TempestofapplauseandconfusedejaculationsfromtheLeft——aboomandroarwhichlongendured，andstoppedallbusinessforthetimebeing。]
Dr。vonPessler。\'BytheRulesmotionsareinorder，andtheChairmustputthemtovote。\'
ForanswerthePresidentwhoisaPole——Imakethisremarkinpassing
begantojanglehisbellwithenergyatthemomentthatthatwildpandemoniumofvoicesbrokeoutagain。
Wolfhearableabovethestorm。\'Mr。President，Idemandthefloor。Weintendtofindout，hereandnow，whichisthehardest，aPole\'sskulloraGerman\'s！\'
ThisbroughtoutaperfectcycloneofsatisfactionfromtheLeft。InthemidstofitsomeoneagainmovedanAdjournment。ThePresidentblandlyansweredthatDr。Lecherhadthefloor。Whichwastrue；andhewasspeaking，too，calmly，earnestly，andargumentatively；andtheofficialstenographershadlefttheirplacesandwereathiselbowstakingdownhiswords，heleaningandoratingintotheirears——amostcuriousandinterestingscene。
Dr。vonPesslertotheChair。\'Donotdriveustoextremities！\'
Thetempestburstoutagain：yellsofapprovalfromtheLeft，catcallsandironicallaughterfromtheRight。Atthispointanewandmosteffectivenoise-makerwaspressedintoservice。Eachdeskhasanextension，consistingofaremovableboardeighteenincheslong，sixwide，andahalf-inchthick。Amemberpulledoneoftheseoutandbegantobelabourthetopofhisdeskwithit。Instantlyothermembersfollowedsuit，andperhapsyoucanimaginetheresult。Ofallconceivableracketsitisthemostear-splitting，intolerable，andaltogetherfiendish。
ThepersecutedPresidentleanedbackinhischair，closedhiseyes，claspedhishandsinhislap，andalookofpatheticresignationcreptoverhislongface。Itisthewayacountryschoolmasterusedtolookindayslongpastwhenhehadrefusedhisschoolaholidayandithadrisenagainsthiminill-manneredriotandviolenceandinsurrection。Twiceamotiontoadjournhadbeenoffered——amotionalwaysinorderinotherHouses，anddoubtlesssointhisonealso。ThePresidenthadrefusedtoputthesemotions。Byconsequence，hewasnotinapleasantplacenow，andwashavingarighthardtime。Votesuponmotions，whethercarriedordefeated，couldmakeendlessdelay，andpostponetheAusgleichtonextcentury。
Inthemidstofthesesorrowfulcircumstancesandthishurricaneofyellsandscreamsandsatanicclatterofdesk-boards，RepresentativeDr。
KronawetterunfeelinglyremindstheChairthatamotionhasbeenoffered，andadds：\'Sayyes，orno！Whatdoyousittherefor，andgivenoanswer？\'
P。\'AfterIhavegivenaspeakerthefloor，Icannotgiveittoanother。
AfterDr。Lecheristhrough，Iwillputyourmotion。\'[StormofindignationfromtheLeft。]
WolftotheChair。\'Thunderandlightning！lookattheRulegoverningthecase！\'
Kronawetter。\'Imovethecloseofthesitting！AndIdemandtheayesandnoes！\'
Dr。Lecher。\'Mr。President，haveIthefloor？\'
P。\'Youhavethefloor。\'
WolftotheChair，inastentorianvoicewhichcleavesitswaythroughthestorm。\'Itisbysuchbrutalitiesasthesethatyoudriveustoextremities！Areyouwaitingtillsomeoneshallthrowintoyourfacethewordthatshalldescribewhatyouarebringingabout？[1][TempestofinsultedfuryfromtheRight。]Isthatwhatyouarewaitingfor，oldGrayhead？\'[Long-continuedclatterofdesk-boardsfromtheLeft，withshoutsof\'Thevote！thevote！\'AnironicalshoutfromtheRight，\'Wolfisboss！\']
Wolfkeepsondemandingthefloorforhismotion。Atlength——
P。\'IcallRepresentativeWolftoorder！Yourconductisunheardof，sir！Youforgetthatyouareinaparliament；youmustrememberwhereyouare，sir。\'[ApplausefromtheRight。Dr。Lecherisstillpeacefullyspeaking，thestenographerslisteningathislips。]
Wolfbangingonhisdeskwithhisdesk-board。\'Idemandthefloorformymotion！Iwon\'tstandthistramplingoftheRulesunderfoot——no，notifIdieforit！Iwillneveryield。Youhavegottostopmebyforce。
HaveIthefloor？\'
P。\'RepresentativeWolf，whatkindofbehaviouristhis？Icallyoutoorderagain。Youshouldhavesomeregardforyourdignity。\'
Dr。Lecherspeakson。Wolfturnsuponhimwithanoffensiveinnuendo。
Dr。Lecher。\'Mr。Wolf，Ibegyoutorefrainfromthatsortofsuggestions。\'[Stormofhand-clappingfromtheRight。]
Thiswasapplausefromtheenemy，forLecherhimself，likeWolf，wasanObstructionist。
WolfgrowlstoLecher，\'Youcanscribblethatapplauseinyouralbum！\'
P。\'OncemoreIcallRepresentativeWolftoorder！DonotforgetthatyouareaRepresentative，sir！\'
Wolfslam-bangingwithhisdesk-board。\'Iwillforcethismatter！Areyougoingtograntmethefloor，ornot？\'
Andstillthesergeant-at-armsdidnotappear。Itwasbecausetherewasn\'tany。Itisacuriousthing，buttheChairhasnoeffectualmeansofcompellingorder。
Aftersomemoreinterruptions：
Wolfbangingwithhisboard。\'Idemandthefloor。Iwillnotyield！\'
P。\'IhavenorecourseagainstRepresentativeWolf。Inthepresenceofbehaviourlikethisitistoberegrettedthatsuchisthecase。\'[A
shoutfromtheRight，\'Throwhimout！\']
Itistruehehadnoeffectiverecourse。Hehadanofficialcalledan\'Ordner，\'whosehelphecouldinvokeindesperatecases，butapparentlytheOrdnerisonlyapersuader，notacompeller。Apparentlyheisasergeant-at-armswhoisnotloaded；agoodenoughguntolookat，butnotvaluableforbusiness。
ForanothertwentyorthirtyminutesWolfwentonbangingwithhisboardanddemandinghisrights；thenatlastthewearyPresidentthreatenedtosummonthedreadorder-maker。Butbothhismannerandhiswordswerereluctant。Evidentlyitgrievedhimtohavetoresorttothisdireextremity。HesaidtoWolf，\'Ifthisgoeson，IshallfeelobligedtosummontheOrdner，andbeghimtorestoreorderintheHouse。\'
Wolf。\'I\'dliketoseeyoudoit！Supposeyoufetchinafewpolicementoo！[Greattumult。]Areyougoingtoputmymotiontoadjourn，ornot？\'
Dr。Lechercontinueshisspeech。Wolfaccompanieshimwithhisboard-
clatter。
ThePresidentdespatchestheOrdner，Dr。Langhimselfadeputy，onhisorder-restoringmission。Wolf，withhisboardupliftedfordefence，confrontstheOrdnerwitharemarkwhichBossTweedmighthavetranslatedinto\'Nowlet\'sseewhatyouaregoingtodoaboutit！\'[NoiseandtumultallovertheHouse。]
Wolfstandsuponhisrights，andsayshewillmaintainthemuntilheiskilledinhistracks。Thenheresumeshisbanging，thePresidentjangleshisbellandbegsfororder，andtherestoftheHouseaugmentstheracketthebestitcan。
Wolf。\'Irequireanadjournment，becauseIfindmyselfpersonallythreatened。[LaughterfromtheRight。]NotthatIfearformyself；
Iamonlyanxiousaboutwhatwillhappentothemanwhotouchesme。\'
TheOrdner。\'Iamnotgoingtofightwithyou。\'
Nothingcameoftheeffortsoftheangelofpeace，andhepresentlymeltedoutofthesceneanddisappeared。Wolfwentonwithhisnoiseandwithhisdemandsthathebegrantedthefloor，restinghisboardatintervalstodischargecriticismsandepithetsattheChair。OnceheremindedtheChairmanofhisviolatedpromisetogranthimWolfthefloor，andsaid，\'WhenceIcame，wecallpromise-breakersrascals！\'
AndheadvisedtheChairmantotakehisconsciencetobedwithhimanduseitasapillow。AnothertimehesaidthattheChairwasmakingitselfridiculousbeforeallEurope。Infact，someofWolf\'slanguagewasalmostunparliamentary。By-and-byhestrucktheideaofbeatingoutatunewithhisboard。Laterhedecidedtostopaskingforthefloor，andtoconferituponhimself。AndsoheandDr。Lechernowspokeatthesametime，andmingledtheirspeecheswiththeothernoises，andnobodyheardeitherofthem。Wolfrestedhimselfnowandthenfromspeech-
makingbyreading，inhisclarionvoice，fromapamphlet。
IwillexplainthatDr。Lecherwasnotmakingatwelve-hourspeechforpastime，butforanimportantpurpose。ItwastheGovernment\'sintentiontopushtheAusgleichthroughitspreliminarystagesinthisonesittingforwhichitwastheOrderoftheDay，andthenbyvotereferittoaselectcommittee。ItwastheMajority\'sscheme——aschargedbytheOpposition——todrowndebateuponthebillbypurenoise——drownitoutandstopit。Thedebatebeingthusended，thevoteuponthereferencewouldfollow——withvictoryfortheGovernment。ButintotheGovernment\'scalculationshadnotenteredthepossibilityofasingle-barrelledspeechwhichshouldoccupytheentiretime-limitofthesetting，andalsogetitselfdeliveredinspiteofallthenoise。GoliathwasnotexpectingDavid。ButDavidwasthere；andduringtwelvehourshetranquillypulledstatistical，historical，andargumentativepebblesoutofhisscripandslungthematthegiant；andwhenhewasdonehewasvictor，andthedaywassaved。
IntheEnglishHouseanobstructionisthasheldthefloorwithBible-
readingsandotheroutsidematters；butDr。Lechercouldnothavethatrestfulandrecuperativeprivilege——hemustconfinehimselfstrictlytothesubjectbeforetheHouse。Morethanonce，whenthePresidentcouldnothearhimbecauseofthegeneraltumult，hesentpersonstolistenandreportastowhethertheoratorwasspeakingtothesubjectornot。
Thesubjectwasapeculiarlydifficultone，anditwouldhavetroubledanyotherdeputytosticktoitthreehourswithoutexhaustinghisammunition，becauseitrequiredavastandintimateknowledge——detailedandparticularisedknowledge——ofthecommercial，railroading，financial，andinternationalbankingrelationsexistingbetweentwogreatsovereignties，HungaryandtheEmpire。ButDr。LecherisPresidentoftheBoardofTradeofhiscityofBrunn，andwasmasterofthesituation。
Hisspeechwasnotformallyprepared。Hehadafewnotesjotteddownforhisguidance；hehadhisfactsinhishead；hisheardwasinhiswork；
andfortwelvehourshestoodthere，undisturbedbytheclamouraroundhim，andwithgraceandeaseandconfidencepouredouttherichesofhismind，incloselyreasonedarguments，clothedineloquentandfaultlessphrasing。
Heisayoungmanofthirty-seven。Heistallandwell-proportioned，andhascultivatedandfortifiedhismusclebymountain-climbing。IfhewerealittlehandsomerhewouldsufficientlyreproduceformetheChaunceyDepewofthegreatNewEnglanddinnernightsofsomeyearsago；hehasDepew\'scharmofmannerandgracesoflanguageanddelivery。
TherewasbutonewayforDr。Lechertoholdthefloor——hemuststayonhislegs。Ifheshouldsitdowntorestamoment，thefloorwouldbetakenfromhimbytheenemyintheChair。Whenhehadbeentalkingthreeorfourhourshehimselfproposedanadjournment，inorderthathemightgetsomerestfromhiswearinglabours；buthelimitedhismotionwiththeconditionthatifitwaslostheshouldbeallowedtocontinuehisspeech，andifitwascarriedheshouldhavetheflooratthenextsitting。Wolfwasnowappeased，andwithdrewhisownthousand-times-
offeredmotion，andDr。Lecher\'swasvotedupon——andlost。Sohewentonspeaking。
Byoneo\'clockinthemorning，excitementandnoise-makinghadtiredoutnearlyeverybodybuttheorator。GraduallytheseatsoftheRightunderwentdepopulation；theoccupantshadslippedouttotherefreshment-
roomstoeatanddrink，ortothecorridorstochat。Someoneremarkedthattherewasnolongeraquorumpresent，andmovedacalloftheHouse。
TheChairVice-PresidentDr。Kramarzrefusedtoputittovote。Therewasasmalldisputeoverthelegalityofthisruling，buttheChairhelditsground。
TheLeftremainedonthebattle-fieldtosupporttheirchampion。Hewentsteadilyonwithhisspeech；andalwaysitwasstrong，virile，felicitous，andtothepoint。Hewasearningapplause，andthisenabledhispartytoturnthatfacttoaccount。Nowandthentheyapplaudedhimacoupleofminutesonastretch，andduringthattimehecouldstopspeakingandresthisvoicewithouthavingthefloortakenfromhim。
AtaquartertotwoamemberoftheLeftdemandedthatDr。Lecherbeallowedarecessforrest，andsaidthattheChairmanwas\'heartless。\'
Dr。Lecherhimselfaskedfortenminutes。TheChairallowedhimfive。
BeforethetimehadrunoutDr。Lecherwasonhisfeetagain。
Wolfburstoutagainwithamotiontoadjourn。RefusedbytheChair。
WolfsaidthewholeParliamentwasn\'tworthapinchofpowder。TheChairretortedthatthatwastrueinacasewhereasinglememberwasabletomakeallparliamentarybusinessimpossible。Dr。Lechercontinuedhisspeech。
ThemembersoftheMajoritywentoutbydetachmentsfromtimetotimeandtooknapsuponsofasinthereception-rooms；andalsorefreshedthemselveswithfoodanddrink——inquantitiesnearlyunbelievable——buttheMinoritystayedloyallybytheirchampion。SomedistinguisheddeputiesoftheMajoritystayedbyhimtoo，compelledtheretobyadmirationofhisgreatperformance。Whenamanhasbeenspeakingeighthours，isitconceivablethathecanstillbeinteresting，stillfascinating？WhenDr。Lecherhadbeenspeakingeighthourshewasstillcompactlysurroundedbyfriendswhowouldnotleavehim，andbyfoesofallpartieswhocouldnot；andallhungenchantedandwonderinguponhiswords，andalltestifiedtheiradmirationwithconstantandcordialoutburstsofapplause。Surelythiswasatriumphwithoutprecedentinhistory。
Duringthetwelve-houreffortfriendsbroughttotheoratorthreeglassesofwine，fourcupsofcoffee，andoneglassofbeer——amoststingyre-
enforcementofhiswastingtissues，butthehostileChairwouldpermitnoadditiontoit。But，nomatter，theChaircouldnotbeatthatman。Hewasagarrisonholdingafort，andwasnottobestarvedout。
Whenhehadbeenspeakingeighthourshispulsewas72；whenhehadspokentwelve，itwas100。
Hefinishedhislongspeechintheseterms，asnearlyasapermissiblyfreetranslationcanconveythem：
\'Iwillnowhastentoclosemyexaminationofthesubject。IconceivethatweoftheLefthavemadeitcleartothehonourablegentlemenoftheothersideoftheHousethatwearestirredbynointemperateenthusiasmforthismeasureinitspresentshape……
\'Whatwerequire，andshallfightforwithalllawfulweapons，isaformal，comprehensive，anddefinitivesolutionandsettlementofthesevexedmatters。Wedesiretherestorationoftheearlierconditionofthings；thecancellationofallthisincapableGovernment\'spernicioustradeswithHungary；andthen——releasefromthesorryburdenoftheBadeniministry！
\'Ivoicethehope——Iknownotifitwillbefulfilled——Ivoicethedeepandsincereandpatriotichopethatthecommitteeintowhosehandsthisbillwilleventuallybecommittedwilltakeitsstanduponhighground，andwillreturntheAusgleich-ProvisoriumtothisHouseinaformwhichshallmakeittheprotectorandpromoteralikeofthegreatinterestsinvolvedandofthehonourofourfatherland。\'Afterapause，turningtowardstheGovernmentbenches：\'Butinanycase，gentlemenoftheMajority，makesureofthis：henceforth，asbefore，youfindusatourpost。TheGermansofAustriawillneithersurrendernordie！\'
Thenburstastormofapplausewhichroseandfell，roseandfell，burstoutagainandagainandagain，explosionafterexplosion，hurricaneafterhurricane，withnoapparentpromiseofevercomingtoanend；andmeantimethewholeLeftwassurgingandwelteringaboutthechampion，allbentuponwringinghishandandcongratulatinghimandglorifyinghim。
Finallyhegotaway，andwenthomeandatefiveloavesandtwelvebasketsoffish，readthemorningpapers，sleptthreehours，tookashortdrive，thenreturnedtotheHouse，andsatouttherestofthethirty-three-hoursession。
Tomerelystandupinonespottwelvehoursonastretchisafeatwhichveryfewmencouldachieve；toaddtothetasktheutteranceofahundredthousandwordswouldbebeyondthepossibilitiesofthemostofthosefew；tosuperimposetherequirementthatthewordsshouldbeputintotheformofacompact，coherent，andsymmetricalorationwouldprobablyruleouttherestofthefew，barDr。Lecher。
III——CURIOUSPARLIAMENTARYETIQUETTE。
InconsequenceofDr。Lecher\'stwelve-hourspeechandtheotherobstructionsfurnishedbytheMinority，thefamousthirty-three-hoursittingoftheHouseaccomplishednothing。TheGovernmentsidehadmadeasupremeeffort，assistingitselfwithallthehelpsathand，bothlawfulandunlawful，yethadfailedtogettheAusgleichintothehandsofacommittee。Thiswasaseveredefeat。TheRightwasmortified，theLeftjubilant。
Parliamentwasadjournedforaweek——toletthememberscooloff，perhaps——asacrificeofprecioustime；forbuttwomonthsremainedinwhichtocarrytheall-importantAusgleichtoaconsummation。
IfIhavereportedthebehaviouroftheHouseintelligibly，thereaderhasbeensurprisedbyit，andhaswonderedwhencetheselaw-makerscomeandwhattheyaremadeof；andhehasprobablysupposedthattheconductexhibitedattheLongSittingwasfaroutofthecommon，andduetospecialexcitementandirritation。Astothemake-upoftheHouse，itisthis：thedeputiescomefromallthewalksoflifeandfromallthegradesofsociety。Thereareprinces，counts，barons，priests，peasants，mechanics，labourers，lawyers，judges，physicians，professors，merchants，bankers，shopkeepers。Theyarereligiousmen，theyareearnest，sincere，devoted，andtheyhatetheJews。ThetitleofDoctorissocommonintheHousethatonemayalmostsaythatthedeputywhodoesnotbearitisbythatreasonconspicuous。Iamassuredthatitisnotaself-grantedtitle，andnotanhonoraryone，butanearnedone；thatinAustriaitisveryseldomconferredasamerecompliment；thatinAustriathedegreesofDoctorofMusic，DoctorofPhilosophy，andsoon，arenotconferredbytheseatsoflearning；andso，whenanAustrianiscalledDoctor，itmeansthatheiseitheralawyeroraphysician，andthatheisnotaself-educatedman，butiscollege-bred，andhasbeendiplomaedformerit。
ThatanswersthequestionoftheconstitutionoftheHouse。NowastotheHouse\'scuriousmanners。ThemannersexhibitedbythisconventionofDoctorswerenotatthattimebeingtriedasawhollynewexperiment。I
willgobacktoaprevioussittinginordertoshowthatthedeputieshadalreadyhadsomepractice。
Therehadbeenanincident。ThedignityoftheHousehadbeenwoundedbyimproprietiesindulgedininitspresencebyacoupleofthemembers。
Thismatterwasplacedinthehandsofacommitteetodeterminewheretheguiltlayandthedegreeofit，andalsotosuggestthepunishment。Thechairmanofthecommitteebroughtinhisreport。Bythisitappearedthatinthecourseofaspeech，DeputySchrammelsaidthatreligionhadnoproperplaceinthepublicschools——itwasaprivatematter。
WhereuponDeputyGregorigshouted，\'Howaboutfreelove！\'
Tothis，DeputyIroflungoutthisretort：\'Soda-waterattheWimberger！\'
ThisappearedtodeeplyoffendDeputyGregorig，whoshoutedbackatIro，\'Youcowardlyblatherskite，saythatagain！\'
Thecommitteehadsatthreehours。Gregorighadapologised。Iroexplainedthathedidn\'tsayanythingaboutsoda-waterattheWimberger。
Heexplainedinwriting，andwasveryexplicit：\'IdeclareuponmywordofhonourthatIdidnotsaythewordsattributedtome。\'
Unhappilyforhiswordofhonour，itwasprovedbytheofficialstenographersandbythetestimonyofseveraldeputiesthathedidsaythem。
Thecommitteedidnotofficiallyknowwhytheapparentlyinconsequentialreferencetosoda-waterattheWimbergershouldmoveDeputyGregorigtocalltheuttererofitacowardlyblatherskite；still，afterproperdeliberation，itwasoftheopinionthattheHouseoughttoformallycensurethewholebusiness。Thisverdictseemstohavebeenregardedassharplysevere。IthinksobecauseDeuptyDr。Lueger，BurgermeisterofVienna，feltitadutytosoftentheblowtohisfriendGregorigbyshowingthatthesoda-waterremarkwasnotsoinnocuousasitmightlook；
that，indeed，Gregorig\'stoughretorywasjustifiable——andheproceededtoexplainwhy。Hereadanumberofscandalouspost-cardswhichheintimatedhadproceededfromIro，asindicatedbythehandwriting，thoughtheywereanonymous。SomeofthemwerepostedtoGregorigathisplaceofbusinessandcouldhavebeenreadbyallhissubordinates；theotherswerepostedtoGregorig\'swife。Luegerdidnotsay——buteverybodyknew——
thatthecardsreferredtoamatteroftowngossipwhichmadeMr。
Gregorigachiefactorinatavernscenewheresiphon-squirtingplayedaprominentandhumorouspart，andwhereinwomenhadashare。
Therewereseveralofthecards；morethanseveral，infact；nofewerthanfiveweresentinoneday。Dr。Luegerreadsomeofthem，anddescribedothers。Someofthemhadpicturesonthem；oneapictureofahogwithamonstroussnout，andbesideitasquirtingsoda-siphon；belowitsomesarcasticdoggerel。
Gregorigdealtinshirts，cravats，etc。Oneofthecardsborethesewords：\'Much-respectedDeputyandcollar-sewer——orstealer。\'
Another：\'HurrahfortheChristian-Socialworkamongthewomen-
assemblages！Hurrahforthesoda-squirter！\'CommentbyDr。Lueger：\'I
cannotventuretoreadtherestofthatone，northesignature，either。\'
Another：\'Wouldyoumindtellingmeif……\'CommentbyDr。Lueger：\'Therestofitisnotproperlyreadable。\'
ToDeputyGregorig\'swife：\'Much-respectedMadamGregorig，——Theundersigneddesiresaninvitationtothenextsoda-squirt。\'CommentbyDr。Lueger：\'NeithertherestofthecardnorthesignaturecanIventuretoreadtotheHouse，sovulgararethey。\'
Thepurposeofthiscard——toexposeGregorigtohisfamily——wasrepeatedinothersoftheseanonymousmissives。
TheHouse，byvote，censuredthetwoimproperdeputies。
Thismayhavehadamodifyingeffectuponthephraseologyofthemembershipforawhile，anduponitsgeneralexuberancealso，butitwasnotforlong。Ashasbeenseen，ithadbecomelivelyoncemoreonthenightoftheLongSitting。Atthenextsittingafterthelongonetherewascertainlynolackofliveliness。ThePresidentwaspersistentlyignoringtheRulesoftheHouseintheinterestofthegovernmentside，andtheMinoritywereinanunappeasablefuryaboutit。Theceaselessdinanduproar，theshoutingandstampinganddesk-banging，weredeafening，butthroughitallburstvoicesnowandthenthatmadethemselvesheard。Someoftheremarkswereofaverycandidsort，andI
believethatiftheyhadbeenutteredinourHouseofRepresentativestheywouldhaveattractedattention。Iwillinsertsomesampleshere。
Notintheirorder，butselectedontheirmerits：
Mr。MayredertothePresident。\'Youhavelied！Youconcededthefloortome；makeitgood，oryouhavelied！\'
Mr。GlocknertothePresident。\'Leave！Getout！\'
WolfindicatingthePresident。\'Theresitsamantowhomacertaintitlebelongs！\'
UntoWolf，whoiscontinuouslyreading，inapowerfulvoice，fromanewspaper，arrivethesepersonalremarksfromtheMajority：\'Oh，shutyourmouth！\'\'Puthimout！\'\'Outwithhim！\'WolfstopsreadingamomenttoshoutatDr。Lueger，whohasthefloorbutcannotgetahearing，\'Please，BetrayerofthePeople，begin！\'
Dr。Lueger，\'MeineHerren——\'[\'Oho！\'andgroans。]
Wolf。\'That\'stheholylightoftheChristianSocialists！\'
Mr。KletzenbauerChristianSocialist。\'Dam——nation！Areyouevergoingtoquietdown？\'
WolfdischargesagallingremarkatMr。Wohlmeyer。
Wohlmeyerresponding。\'YouJew，you！\'
Thereisamoment\'slull，andDr。Luegerbeginshisspeech。Graceful，handsomeman，withwinningmannersandattractivebearing，abrightandeasyspeaker，andissaidtoknowhowtotrimhispoliticalsailstocatchanyfavouringwindthatblows。Hemanagestosayafewwords，thenthetempestoverwhelmshimagain。
WolfstopsreadinghispaperamomenttosayadrasticthingaboutLuegerandhisChristian-Socialpieties，whichsetstheC。S。S。inasortoffrenzy。
Mr。Vielohlawek。\'YouleavetheChristianSocialistsalone，youword-of-
honour-breaker！Obstructallyouwantto，butyouleavethemalone！
You\'venobusinessinthisHouse；youbelonginagin-mill！\'
Mr。Prochazka。\'Inalunatic-asylum，youmean！\'
Vielohlawek。\'It\'sapitythatsuchmanshouldbeleaderoftheGermans；
hedisgracestheGermanname！\'
Dr。Scheicher。\'It\'sashamethatthelikeofhimshouldinsultus。\'
StrohbachtoWolf。\'Contemptiblecub——wewillbouncetheeoutofthis！\'[Itisinferablethatthe\'thee\'isnotintendedtoindicateaffectionthistime，buttore-enforceandemphasiseMr。Storhbach\'sscorn。]
Dr。Scheicher。\'Hisinsultsareofnoconsequence。Hewantshisearsboxed。\'
Dr。LuegertoWolf。\'You\'dbetterworryatrifleoveryourIro\'swordofhonour。Youarebehavinglikeastreetarab。\'
Dr。Scheicher。\'Itisinfamous！\'
Dr。Lueger。\'AndtheseshamelesscreaturesaretheleadersoftheGermanPeople\'sParty！\'
MeantimeWolfgoeswhoopingalongwithhisnewspaperreadingsingreatcontentment。
Dr。Pattai。\'Shutup！Shutup！Shutup！Youhaven\'tthefloor！\'
Strohbach。\'Themiserablecub！\'
Dr。LuegertoWolf，raisinghisvoicestrenuouslyabovethestorm。
\'Youareawhollyhonourlessstreetbrat！\'[Avoice，\'Firetherapscallionout！\'ButWolf\'ssoulgoesmarchingnoisilyon，justthesame。]
Schonerervastandmuscular，andendowedwiththemostpowerfulvoiceintheReichsrath；comesploughingdownthroughthestandingcrowds，red，andchokingwithanger；haltsbeforeDeputyWohlmeyer，grabsaruleandsmashesitwithablowuponadesk，threatensWohlmeyer\'sfacewithhisfist，andbellowsoutsomepersonalities，andapromise。\'Onlyyouwait——we\'llteachyou！\'[AwhirlwindofoffensiveretortsassailshimfromthebandofmeekandhumbleChristianSocialistscompactedaroundtheirleader，thatdistinguishedreligiousexpert，Dr。Lueger，BurgermeisterofVienna。Ourbreathcomesinexcitedgaspsnow，andwearefullofhope。WeimaginethatwearebackfiftyyearsagointheArkansasLegislature，andwethinkweknowwhatisgoingtohappen，andaregladwecame，andgladweareupinthegallery，outoftheway，wherewecanseethewholethingandyetnothavetosupplyanyofthematerialfortheinquest。However，asitturnsout，ourconfidenceisabused，ourhopesaremisplaced。]
Dr。Pattaiwildlyexcited。\'Youquietdown，orweshallturnourselvesloose！Therewillbecuffingofears！\'
Prochazkainafury。\'No——notearboxing，butgenuineblows！\'
Vieholawek。\'IwouldrathertakemyhatofftoaJewthantoWolf！\'
StrohbachtoWolf。\'Jewflunky！HerewehavebeenfightingtheJewsfortenyears，andnowyouarehelpingthemtopoweragain。Howmuchdoyougetforit？\'
Holansky。\'Whathewantsisastrait-jacket！\'
Wolfcontinueshisreading。Itisamarketreportnow。
RemarkflungacrosstheHousetoSchonerer：\'DieGrossmutteraufdemMisthaufenerzeugtworden！\'
Itwillbejudiciousnottotranslatethat。Itsflavourisprettyhigh，inanycase，butitbecomesparticularlygamywhenyourememberthatthefirstgallerywaswellstockedwithladies。
Apparentlyitwasagreathit。ItfetchedthundersofjoyousenthusiasmoutoftheChristianSocialists，andintheirrapturetheyflungbitingepithetswithwastefulliberalityatspeciallydetestedmembersoftheOpposition；amongothers，thisoneatSchonerer，\'BordellinderKrugerstrasse！\'Thentheyaddedthesewords，whichtheywhooped，howled，andalsoevensand，inadeep-voicedchorus：\'SchmulLeebKohn！SchmulLeebKohn！SchmulLeebKohn！\'andmadeitsplendidlyaudibleabovethebangingofdesk-boardsandtherestoftheroaringcycloneoffiendishnoises。[Agallerywitticismcomesflittingbyfrommouthtomoutharoundthegreatcurve：\'Theswan-songofAustrianrepresentativegovernment！\'Youcannoteitsprogressbytheapplausivesmilesandnodsitgetsasitskimsalong。]
Kletzenbauer。\'Holofernes，whereisJudith？\'[Stormoflaughter。]
Gregorigtheshirt-merchant。\'ThisWolf-Theatreiscosting6，000
florins！\'
Wolfwithsweetness。\'Noticehim，gentlemen；itisMr。Gregorig。\'
[Laughter。]
VieholawektoWolf。\'YouJudas！\'
Schneider。\'Brothel-knight！\'
ChorusofVoices。\'East-Germanoffaltub！\'
Andsothewarofepithetscrashesalong，withnever-diminishingenergy，foracoupleofhours。
Theladiesinthegallerywerelearning。Thatwaswell；forby-and-byladieswillformapartofthemembershipofallthelegislaturesintheworld；assoonastheycanprovecompetencytheywillbeadmitted。Atpresent，menonlyarecompetenttolegislate；thereforetheylookdownuponwomen，andwouldfeeldegradediftheyhadtohavethemforcolleaguesintheirhighcalling。
Wolfisyellinganothermarketreportnow。
Gessman。\'Shutup，infamouslouse-brat！\'
DuringamomentarylullDr。Luegergetsahearingforthreesentencesofhisspeech。ThedemandandrequirethatthePresidentshallsuppressthefournoisiestmembersoftheOpposition。
Wolfwithathat-settles-ittossofthehead。\'TheshiftytricksterofViennahasspoken！\'
IrobelongedtoSchonerer\'sparty。Theword-of-honourincidenthasgivenitanewname。GregorigisaChristianSocialist，andheroofthepost-
cardsandtheWimbergersoda-squirtingincident。Hestandsvastandconspicuous，andconceitedandself-satisfied，androosterishandinconsequential，atLueger\'selbow，andisproudandcockytobeinsuchagreatcompany。Helooksverywellindeed；reallymajestic，andawareofit。Hecrowsouthislittleemptyremark，nowandthen，andlooksaspleasedasifhehadbeendeliveredoftheAusgleich。Indeed，hedoeslooknotablyfine。Hewearsalmosttheonlydressvestonthefloor；itexposesacontinentalspreadofwhiteshirt-front；hishandsareposedateaseinthelipsofhistrouserspockets；hisheadistiltedbackcomplacently；heisattitudinising；heisplayingtothegallery。
However，theyarealldoingthat。Itiscurioustosee。Menwhoonlyvote，andcan\'tmakespeeches，anddon\'tknowhowtoinventwittyejaculations，wanderaboutthevacatedpartsofthefloor，andstopinagoodplaceandstrikeattitudes——attitudessuggestiveofweightythought，mostly——andglancefurtivelyupatthegalleriestoseehowitworks；oracouplewillcometogetherandshakehandsinanartificialway，andlaughagaymanufacturedlaugh，anddosomeconstrainedandself-
consciousattitudinising；andtheystealglancesatthegalleriestoseeiftheyaregettingnotice。Itislikeasceneonthestage——by-playbyminoractorsatthebackwhilethestarsdothegreatworkatthefront。
EvenCountBadeniattitudinisesforamoment；strikesareflectiveNapoleonicattitudeoffinepicturesqueness——butsoonthinksbetterofitanddesists。Therearetwowhodonotattitudinise——poorharriedandinsultedPresidentAbrahamowicz，whoseemswhollymiserable，andcanfindnowaytoputinthedrearytimebutbyswinginghisbellanddischargingoccasionalremarkswhichnobodycanhear；andaresignedandpatientpriest，whositslonelyinagreatvacancyonMajorityterritoryandmunchesanapple。
Schonererupliftshisfog-hornofavoiceandshakestheroofwithaninsultdischargedattheMajority。
Dr。Lueger。\'TheHonourlessPartywouldbetterkeepstillhere！\'
Gregorigtheecho，swellingouthisshirt-front。\'Yes，keepquiet，pimp！\'
SchonerertoLueger。\'Politicalmountebank！\'
ProchazkatoSchonerer。\'Drunkenclown！\'
Duringthefinalhourofthesittingmanyhappyphrasesweredistributedthroughtheproceedings。Amongthemwerethese——andtheyarestrikinglygoodones：
\'Blatherskite！\'
\'Blackguard！\'
\'Scoundrel！\'
\'Brothel-daddy！\'
ThislastwasthecontributionofDr。Gessman，andgavegreatsatisfaction。Anddeservedly。Itseemstomethatitwasoneofthemostsparklingthingsthatwassaidduringthewholeevening。
Athalf-pasttwointhemorningtheHouseadjourned。ThevictorywaswiththeOpposition。No；notquitethat。TheeffectivepartofitwassnatchedawayfromthembyanunlawfulexerciseofPresidentialforce——
anothercontributiontowarddrivingthemistreatedMinorityoutoftheirminds。
Atothersittingsoftheparliament，gentlemenoftheOpposition，shakingtheirfiststowardthePresident，addressedhimas\'PolishDog\'。Atonesittinganangrydeputyturneduponacolleagueandshouted，\'——！\'
Youmusttrytoimaginewhatitwas。IfIshouldofferitevenintheoriginalitwouldprobablynotgetbytheeditor\'sbluepencil；toofferatranslationwouldbetowastemyink，ofcourse。ThisremarkwasfranklyprintedinitsentiretybyoneoftheViennadailies，buttheothersdisguisedthetoughesthalfofitwithstars。
Ifthereaderwillgobackoverthischapterandgatheritsarrayofextraordinaryepithetsintoabunchandexaminethem，hewillmarvelattwothings：howthisconventionofgentlemencouldconsenttousesuchgrossterms；andwhytheuserswereallowedtogetouttheplacealive。
Thereisnowaytounderstandthisstrangesituation。IfeverymanintheHousewereaprofessionalblackguard，andhadhishomeinasailorboarding-house，onecouldstillnotunderstandit；for，althoughthatsortdousesuchterms，theynevertakethem。Thesemenarenotprofessionalblackguards；theyaremainlygentlemen，andeducated；yettheyusetheterms，andtakethemtoo。Theyreallyseemtoattachnoconsequencetothem。Onecannotsaythattheyactlikeschoolboys；forthatisonlyalmosttrue，notentirely。Schoolboysblackguardeachotherfiercely，andbythehour，andonewouldthinkthatnothingwouldevercomeofitbutnoise；butthatwouldbeamistake。Uptoacertainlimittheresultwouldbenoiseonly，but，thatlimitoverstepped，troublewouldfollowrightaway。Therearecertainphrases——phrasesofapeculiarcharacter——phrasesofthenatureofthatreferencetoSchonerer\'sgrandmother，forinstance——whichnoteventhemostspiritlessschoolboyintheEnglish-speakingworldwouldallowtopassunavenged。
Onedifferencebetweenschoolboysandthelaw-makersoftheReichsrathseemstobethatthelaw-makershavenolimit，nodanger-line。
Apparentlytheymaycalleachotherwhattheyplease，andgohomeunmutilated。
Now，infact，theydidhaveascuffleontwooccasions，butitwasnotonaccountofnamescalled。Therehasbeennoscufflewherethatwasthecause。
ItisnottobeinferredthattheHouselacksasenseofhonourbecauseitlacksdelicacy。Thatwouldbeanerror。Irowascaughtinalie，anditprofoundlydisgracedhim。TheHousecuthim，turneditsbackuponhim。Heresignedhisseat；otherwisehewouldhavebeenexpelled。ButitwaslenientwithGregorig，whohadcalledIroacowardlyblatherskiteindebate。Itmerelywentthroughtheformofmildlycensuringhim。
ThatdidnottroubleGregorig。
TheViennesesayofthemselvesthattheyareaneasy-going，pleasure-
lovingcommunity，makingthebestoflife，andnottakingitveryseriously。Nevertheless，theyaregrievedaboutthewaysoftheirParliament，andsayquitefranklythattheyareashamed。Theyclaimthatthelowconditionoftheparliament\'smannersisnew，notold。A
gentlemanwhowasattheheadofthegovernmenttwentyyearsagoconfirmsthis，andsaysthatinhistimetheparliamentwasorderlyandwell-
behaved。AnEnglishgentlemanoflongresidencehereendorsesthis，andsaysthataloworderofpoliticiansoriginatedthepresentformsofquestionablespeechonthestumpsomeyearsago，andimportedthemintotheparliament。[2]However，somedaytherewillbeaMinisterofEtiquetteandasergeant-at-arms，andthenthingswillgobetter。ImeanifparliamentandtheConstitutionsurvivethepresentstorm。
IV——THEHISTORICCLIMAX
DuringthewholeofNovemberthingswentfrombadtoworse。Theall-
importantAusgleichremainedhardaground，andcouldnotbesparredoff。
Badeni\'sgovernmentcouldnotwithdrawtheLanguageOrdinanceandkeepitsmajority，andtheOppositioncouldnotbeplacatedoneasierterms。
Onenight，whilethecustomarypandemoniumwascrashingandthunderingalongatitsbest，afightbrokeout。Itwasasurging，struggling，shoulder-to-shoulderscramble。Agreatmanyblowswerestruck。TwiceSchonererliftedoneoftheheavyministerialfauteuils——somesaywithonehand——andthreatenedmembersoftheMajoritywithit，butitwaswrenchedawayfromhim；amemberhammeredWolfovertheheadwiththePresident\'sbell，andanothermemberchokedhim；aprofessorwasflungdownandbelabouredwithfistsandchoked；heheldupanopenpenknifeasadefenceagainsttheblows；itwassnatchedfromhimandflungtoadistance；ithitapeacefulChristianSocialistwhowasn\'tdoinganything，andbroughtbloodfromhishand。Thiswastheonlyblooddrawn。Themenwhogothammeredandchokedlookedsoundandwellnextday。Thefistsandthebellwerenotproperlyhandled，orbetterresultswouldhavebeenapparent。Iamquitesurethatthefighterswerenotinearnest。
OnThanksgivingDaythesittingwasahistory-makingone。Onthatdaytheharried，bedevilled，anddespairinggovernmentwentinsane。InordertofreeitselffromthethraldomoftheOppositionitcommittedthiscuriouslyjuvenilecrime；itmovedanimportantchangeoftheRulesoftheHouse，forbadedebateuponthemotion，putittoastand-upvoteinsteadofayesandnoes，andthengravelyclaimedthatithadbeenadopted；whereas，toeventhedullestwitness——ifIwithoutimmodestymaypretendtothatplace——itwasplainthatnothinglegitimatelytobecalledavotehadbeentakenatall。
IthinkthatSaltpeterneverutteredatruerthingthanwhenhesaid，\'Whomthegodswoulddestroytheyfirstmakemad。\'Evidentlythegovernment\'smindwastotteringwhenthisbaldinsultstotheHousewasthebestwayitcouldcontriveforgettingoutofthefrying-pan。
Theepisodewouldhavebeenfunnyifthematteratstakehadbeenatrifle；butinthecircumstancesitwaspathetic。TheusualstormwasragingintheHouse。Asusual，manyoftheMajorityandthemostoftheMinoritywerestandingup——tohaveabetterchancetoexchangeepithetsandmakeothernoises。IntothisstormCountFalkenhaynentered，withhispaperinhishand；andatoncetherewasarushtogetnearhimandhearhimreadhismotion。Inamomenthewaswalledinbylisteners。
Theseveralclausesofhismotionwereloudlyapplaudedbytheseallies，andasloudlydisapplauded——ifImayinventaword——bysuchoftheOppositionascouldhearhisvoice。WhenhetookhisseatthePresidentpromptlyputthemotion——personsdesiringtovoteintheaffirmative，standup！TheHousewasalreadystandingup；hadbeenstandingforanhour；andbeforeathirdofithadfoundoutwhatthePresidenthadbeensaying，hehadproclaimedtheadoptionofthemotion！Andonlyafewheardthat。Infact，whenthatHouseislegislatingyoucan\'ttellitfromartillerypractice。
Youwillrealisewhatahappyideaitwastoside-trackthelawfulayesandnoesandsubstituteastand-upvotebythisfact：thatalittlelater，whenadeputationofdeputieswaiteduponthePresidentandaskedhimifhewasactuallywillingtoclaimthatthatmeasurehadbeenpassed，heanswered，\'Yes——andunanimously。\'ItshowsthatineffectthewholeHousewasonitsfeetwhenthattrickwassprung。
The\'LexFalkenhayn，\'thusstrangelyborn，gavethePresidentpowertosuspendforthreedaysanydeputywhoshouldcontinuetobedisorderlyafterbeingcalledtoordertwice，anditalsoplacedathisdisposalsuchforceasmightbenecessarytomakethesuspensioneffective。SotheHousehadasergeant-at-armsatlast，andamoreformidableone，astopower，thananyotherlegislatureinChristendomhadeverpossessed。
TheLexFalkenhaynalsogavetheHouseitselfauthoritytosuspendmembersforthirtydays。
OnthesetermstheAusgleichcouldbeputthroughinanhour——apparently。
TheOppositionwouldhavetositmeekandquiet，andstopobstructing，orbeturnedintothestreet，deputyafterdeputy，leavingtheMajorityanunvexedfieldforitswork。
Certainlythethinglookedwell。Thegovernmentwasoutofthefrying-
panatlast。Itcongratulateditself，andwasalmostgirlishlyhappy。
Itsstockrosesuddenlyfromlessthannothingtoapremium。Itconfessedtoitself，withpride，thatitsLexFalkenhaynwasamaster-
stroke——aworkofgenius。
However，thereweredoubters——menwhoweretroubled，andbelievedthatagravemistakehadbeenmade。ItmightbethattheOppositionwascrushed，andprofitablyforthecountry，too；butthemannerofit——themannerofit！Thatwastheseriouspart。Itcouldhavefar-reachingresults；resultswhosegravitymighttranscendallguessing。Itmightbetheinitialsteptowardareturntogovernmentbyforce，arestorationoftheirresponsiblemethodsofobsoletetimes。
Therewerenovacantseatsinthegalleriesnextday。Infact，standing-
roomoutsidethebuildingwasatapremium。Therewerecrowdsthere，andaglitteringarrayofhelmetedandbrass-buttonedpolice，onfootandonhorseback，tokeepthemfromgettingtoomuchexcited。Noonecouldguesswhatwasgoingtohappen，buteveryonefeltthatsomethingwasgoingtohappen，andhopedhemighthaveachancetoseeit，oratleastgetthenewsofitwhileitwasfresh。
AtnoontheHousewasempty——forIdonotcountmyself。Halfanhourlaterthetwogalleriesweresolidlypacked，thefloorstillempty。
Anotherhalf-hourlaterWolfenteredandpassedtohisplace；thenotherdeputiesbegantostreamin，amongthemmanyformsandfacesgrownfamiliaroflate。Byoneo\'clockthemembershipwaspresentinfullforce。AbandofSocialistsstoodgroupedagainsttheministerialdesks，intheshadowofthePresidentialtribune。Itwasobservablethattheseofficialstrongholdswerenowprotectedagainstrushesbyboltedgates，andthatthesewereinwardofservantswearingtheHouse\'slivery。Alsotheremovabledesk-boardshadbeentakenaway，andnothingleftfordisorderlymemberstoslatwith。
Therewasapervading，anxioushush——atleastwhatstoodverywellforahushinthatHouse。ItwasbelievedbymanythattheOppositionwascowed，andthattherewouldbenomoreobstruction，nomorenoise。Thatwasanerror。
PresentlythePresidententeredbythedistantdoortotheright，followedbyVice-PresidentFuchs，andthetwotooktheirwaydownpastthePolishbenchestowardthetribune。Instantlythecustomarystormofnoisesburstout，androsehigherandhigher，andwilderandwilder，andreallyseemedtosurpassanythingthathadgonebeforeitinthatplace。
ThePresidenttookhisseatandbeggedfororder，butnoonecouldhearhim。Hislipsmoved——onecouldseethat；bebowedhisbodyforwardappealingly，andspreadhisgreathandeloquentlyoverhisbreast——onecouldseethat；butasconcernedhisutteredwords，heprobablycouldnothearthemhimself。BelowhimwasthatcrowdoftwodozenSocialistsglaringupathim，shakingtheirfistsathim，roaringimprecationsandinsultingepithetsathim。Thiswentonforsometime。SuddenlytheSocialistsburstthroughthegatesandstormedupthroughtheministerialbenches，andamaninaredcravatreachedupandsnatchedthedocumentsthatlayonthePresident\'sdeskandflungthemabroad。Thenextmomentheandhisallieswerestrugglingandfightingwiththehalf-dozenuniformedservantswhoweretheretoprotectthenewgates。MeantimeadetailofSocialistshadswarmedupthesidestepsandoverflowedthePresidentandtheVice，andwerecrowdingandshoulderingandshovingthemoutoftheplace。Theycrowdedthemout，anddownthestepsandacrosstheHouse，pastthePolishbenches；andallaboutthemswarmedhostilePolesandCzechs，whoresistedthem。Onecouldseefistsgoupandcomedown，withothersignsandshowsofaheadyfight；thenthePresidentandtheVicedisappearedthroughthedoorofentrance，andthevictoriousSocialiststurnedandmarchedback，mountedthetribune，flungthePresident\'sbellandhisremainingpapersabroad，andthenstoodthereinacompactlittlecrowd，elevenstrong，andheldtheplaceasifitwereafortress。Theirfriendsonthefloorwereinafrenzyoftriumph，andmanifesteditintheirdeafeningway。ThewholeHousewasonitsfeet，amazedandwondering。
Itwasanastonishingsituation，andimposinglydramatic。Nobodyhadlookedforthis。Theunexpectedhadhappened。Whatnext？Buttherecanbenonext；theplayisover；thegrandclimaxisreached；thepossibilitiesareexhausted；ringdownthecurtain。
Notyet。Thatdistantdooropensagain。Andnowweseewhathistorywillbetalkingoffivecenturieshence：auniformedandhelmetedbattalionofbronzedandstalwartmenmarchingindoublefiledowntheflooroftheHouse——afreeparliamentprofanedbyaninvasionofbruteforce！
Itwasanodiousspectacle——odiousandawful。Foronemomentitwasanunbelievablething——athingbeyondallcredibility；itmustbeadelusion，adream，anightmare。Butno，itwasreal——pitifullyreal，shamefullyreal，hideouslyreal。Thesesixtypolicemenhadbeensoldiers，andtheywentattheirworkwiththecoldunsentimentalityoftheirtrade。Theyascendedthestepsofthetribune，laidtheirhandsupontheinviolablepersonsoftherepresentativesofanation，anddraggedandtuggedandhauledthemdownthestepsandoutatthedoor；
thenrangedthemselvesinstatelymilitaryarrayinfrontoftheministerialestrade，andsostood。
Itwasatremendousepisode。Thememoryofitwilloutlastallthethronesthatexistto-day。Inthewholehistoryoffreeparliamentsthelikeofithadbeenseenbutthreetimesbefore。Ittakesitsimposingplaceamongtheworld\'sunforgettablethings。ItthinkthatinmylifetimeIhavenottwiceseenabidinghistorymadebeforemyeyes，butI
knowthatIhaveseenitonce。
Someoftheresultsofthiswildfreakfollowedinstantly。TheBadenigovernmentcamedownwithacrash；therewasapopularoutbreakortwoinVienna；therewerethreeorfourdaysoffuriousriotinginPrague，followedbytheestablishingthereofmartiallaw；theJewsandGermanswereharriedandplundered，andtheirhousesdestroyed；inotherBohemiantownstherewasrioting——insomecasestheGermansbeingtherioters，inotherstheCzechs——andinallcasestheJewhadtoroast，nomatterwhichsidehewason。WearewellalonginDecembernow；[3]thenextnewMinister-Presidenthasnotbeenabletopatchupapeaceamongthewarringfactionsoftheparliament，thereforethereisnouseincallingittogetheragainforthepresent；publicopinionbelievesthatparliamentarygovernmentandtheConstitutionareactuallythreatenedwithextinction，andthatthepermanencyofthemonarchyitselfisanotabsolutelycertainthing！
Yes，theLexFalkenhaynwasagreatinvention，anddidwhatwasclaimedforit——itgotthegovernmentoutofthefrying-pan。
[1]Thatis，revolution。
[2]\'Inthatgraciousbygonetimewhenamildandgood-temperedspiritwastheatmosphereofourHouse，whenthemannerofourspeakerswasstudiouslyformalandacademic，andthestormsandexplosionsofto-daywerewhollyunknown，\'etc-Translationoftheopeningremarkofaleadingarticleinthismorning\'s\'NeueFreiePresse，\'December11。
[3]Itisthe9th——M。T。
PRIVATEHISTORYOFTHE\'JUMPINGFROG\'STORY
FiveorsixyearsagoaladyfromFinlandaskedmetotellherastoryinourNegrodialect，sothatshecouldgetanideaofwhatthatvarietyofspeechwaslike。ItoldheroneofHopkinsonSmith\'sNegrostories，andgaveheracopyof\'Harper\'sMonthly\'containingit。ShetranslateditforaSwedishnewspaper，butbyanoversightnamedmeastheauthorofitinsteadofSmith。Iwasverysorryforthat，becauseIgotagoodlashingintheSwedishpress，whichwouldhavefallentohissharebutforthatmistake；foritwasshownthatBoccacciohadtoldthatverystory，inhiscurtandmeagrefashion，fivehundredyearsbeforeSmithtookholdofitandmadeagoodandtellablethingoutofit。
IhavealwaysbeensorryforSmith。Butmyownturnhascomenow。AfewweeksagoProfessorVanDyke，ofPrinceton，askedthisquestion：
\'Doyouknowhowoldyour\"JumpingFrog\"storyis？\'
AndIanswered：
\'Yes——forty-fiveyears。ThethinghappenedinCalaverasCounty，inthespringof1849。\'
\'No；ithappenedearlier——acoupleofthousandyearsearlier；itisaGreekstory。\'
Iwasastonished——andhurt。Isaid：
\'Iamwillingtobealiterarythiefifithasbeensoordained；IamevenwillingtobecaughtrobbingtheancientdeadalongsideofHopkinsonSmith，forheismyfriendandagoodfellow，andIthinkwouldbeashonestasanyoneifhecoulddoitwithoutoccasioningremark；butIamnotwillingtoantedatehiscrimesbyfifteenhundredyears。Imustaskyoutoknockoffpartofthat。\'
Buttheprofessorwasnotchaffing：hewasinearnest，andcouldnotabateacentury。HeofferedtogetthebookandsendittomeandtheCambridgetext-bookcontainingtheEnglishtranslationalso。IthoughtI
wouldlikethetranslationbest，becauseGreekmakesmetired。January30thhesentmetheEnglishversion，andIwillpresentlyinsertitinthisarticle。Itismy\'JumpingFrog\'taleineveryessential。ItisnotstrungoutasIhavestrungitout，butitisallthere。
Tomethisisverycuriousandinteresting。Curiousforseveralreasons。
Forinstance：
Iheardthestorytoldbyamanwhowasnottellingittohishearersasathingnewtothem，butasathingwhichtheyhadwitnessedandwouldremember。Hewasadullperson，andignorant；hehadnogiftasastory-
teller，andnoinvention；inhismouththisepisodewasmerelyhistory——
historyandstatistics；andthegravestsortofhistory，too；hewasentirelyserious，forhewasdealingwithwhattohimwereausterefacts，andtheyinterestedhimsolelybecausetheywerefacts；hewasdrawingonhismemory，nothismind；hesawnohumourinhistale，neitherdidhislisteners；neitherhenortheyeversmiledorlaughed；inmytimeIhavenotattendedamoresolemnconference。Tohimandtohisfellowgold-
minerstherewerejusttwothingsinthestorythatwereworthconsidering。Onewasthesmartnessofitshero，JimSmiley，intakingthestrangerinwithaloadedfrog；andtheotherwasSmiley\'sdeepknowledgeofafrog\'snature——forheknewasthenarratorassertedandthelistenersconcededthatafroglikesshotandisalreadyreadytoeatit。Thosemendiscussedthosetwopoints，andthoseonly。Theywereheartyintheiradmirationofthem，andnoneofthepartywasawarethatafirst-ratestoryhadbeentoldinafirst-rateway，andthatitbrimfulofaqualitywhosepresencetheyneversuspected——humour。
Now，then，theinterestingquestionis，didthefrogepisodehappeninAngel\'sCampinthespringof\'49，astoldinmyhearingthatdayinthefallof1865？Iamperfectlysurethatitdid。IamalsosurethatitsduplicatehappenedinBoeotiaacoupleofthousandyearsago。Ithinkitmustbeacaseofhistoryactuallyrepeatingitself，andnotacaseofagoodstoryfloatingdowntheagesandsurvivingbecausetoogoodtobeallowedtoperish。
IwouldnowliketohavethereaderexaminetheGreekstoryandthestorytoldbythedullandsolemnCalifornian，andobservehowexactlyaliketheyareinessentials。
[Translation。]
THEATHENIANANDTHEFROG。[1]
AnAthenianoncefellinwithaBoeotianwhowassittingbytheroad-sidelookingatafrog。Seeingtheotherapproach，theBoeotiansaidhiswasaremarkablefrog，andaskedifhewouldagreetostartacontestoffrogs，onconditionthathewhosefrogjumpedfarthestshouldreceivealargesumofmoney。TheAthenianrepliedthathewouldiftheotherwouldfetchhimafrog，forthelakewasnear。Tothisheagreed，andwhenhewasgonetheAtheniantookthefrog，and，openingitsmouth，pouredsomestonesintoitsstomach，sothatitdidnotindeedseemlargerthanbefore，butcouldnotjump。TheBoeotiansoonreturnedwiththeotherfrog，andthecontestbegan。Thesecondfrogfirstwaspinched，andjumpedmoderately；thentheypinchedtheBoeotianfrog。Andhegatheredhimselfforaleap，andusedtheutmosteffort，buthecouldnotmovehisbodytheleast。SotheAtheniandepartedwiththemoney。
WhenhewasgonetheBoeotian，wonderingwhatwasthematterwiththefrog，liftedhimupandexaminedhim。Andbeingturnedupsidedown，heopenedhismouthandvomitedoutthestones。
AndhereisthewayithappenedinCalifornia：
FROM\'THECELEBRATEDJUMPINGFROGOFCALAVERASCOUNTY\'
Well，thish-yerSmileyhadrat-tarriersandchickencocks，andtom-cats，andallofthemkindofthings，tillyoucouldn\'trest，andyoucouldn\'tfetchnothingforhimtobetonbuthe\'dmatchyou。Heketchedafrogoneday，andtookhimhome，andsaidhecal\'latedtoeducatehim；andsoheneverdonenothingforthreemonthsbutsetinhisbackyardandlearnthatfrogtojump。Andyoubetyouhedidlearnhim，too。He\'dgivehimalittlepunchbehind，andthenextminuteyou\'dseethatfrogwhirlingintheairlikeadoughnut——seehimturnonesummerset，ormaybeacoupleifhegotagoodstart，andcomedownflat-footedandallright，likeacat。Hegothimupsointhematterofketchingflies，andkep\'himinpracticesoconstant，thathe\'dnailaflyeverytimeasfurashecouldseehim。Smileysaidallafrogwantedwaseducation，andhecoulddo\'mostanything——andIbelievehim。Why，I\'veseenhimsetDan\'lWebsterdownhereonthisflor——Dan\'lWebsterwasthenameofthefrog——andsingout，\'Flies，Dan\'l，flies！\'andquicker\'nyoucouldwinkhe\'dspringstraightupandsnakeaflyoff\'nthecounterthere，andflopdownonthefloorag\'inassolidasagobofmud，andfalltoscratchingthesideofhisheadwithhishindfootasindifferentasifhehadn\'tnoideahe\'dbeendoin\'anymore\'nanyfrogmightdo。Youneverseeafrogsomodestandstraightfor\'ardashewas，forallhewassogifted。Andwhenitcometofairandsquarejumpingonadeadlevel，hecouldgetovermoregroundatonestraddlethananyanimalofhisbreedyoueversee。
Jumpingonadeadlevelwashisstrongsuit，youunderstand；andwhenitcametothat，Smileywouldanteupmoneyonhimaslongashehadared。
Smileywasmonstrousproudofhisfrog，andwellhemightbe，forfellersthathadtravelledandbeeneverywheresallsaidhelaidoveranyfrogthatevertheysee。