TheTanner。\"Easily。Thetwohavenotquotedtheremarkinexactlythesamewords。Youwouldhavenoticedthat，iftherehadn\'tbeenaconsiderablestretchoftimeandanexcitingquarrelinsertedbetweenthetworeadings。\"
AVoice。\"Namethedifference。\"
TheTanner。\"ThewordVERYisinBillson\'snote，andnotintheother。\"
ManyVoices。\"That\'sso——he\'sright！\"
TheTanner。\"Andso，iftheChairwillexaminethetest-remarkinthesack，weshallknowwhichofthesetwofrauds——[TheChair。
\"Order！\"]——whichofthesetwoadventurers——[TheChair。\"Order！
order！\"]——whichofthesetwogentlemen——[laughterandapplause]——isentitledtowearthebeltasbeingthefirstdishonestblatherskiteeverbredinthistown——whichhehasdishonoured，andwhichwillbeasultryplaceforhimfromnowout！\"[Vigorousapplause。]
ManyVoices。\"Openit！——openthesack！\"
Mr。Burgessmadeaslitinthesack，slidhishandin，andbroughtoutanenvelope。Initwereacoupleoffoldednotes。Hesaid：
\"Oneoftheseismarked，\'NottobeexamineduntilallwrittencommunicationswhichhavebeenaddressedtotheChair——ifany——shallhavebeenread。\'Theotherismarked\'THETEST。\'Allowme。Itisworded——towit：
\"\'Idonotrequirethatthefirsthalfoftheremarkwhichwasmadetomebymybenefactorshallbequotedwithexactness，foritwasnotstriking，andcouldbeforgotten；butitsclosingfifteenwordsarequitestriking，andIthinkeasilyrememberable；unlessTHESE
shallbeaccuratelyreproduced，lettheapplicantberegardedasanimpostor。Mybenefactorbeganbysayingheseldomgaveadvicetoanyone，butthatitalwaysborethehallmarkofhighvaluewhenhedidgiveit。Thenhesaidthis——andithasneverfadedfrommymemory：\'YOUAREFARFROMBEINGABADMAN——\'\"
FiftyVoices。\"Thatsettlesit——themoney\'sWilson\'s！Wilson！
Wilson！Speech！Speech！\"
PeoplejumpedupandcrowdedaroundWilson，wringinghishandandcongratulatingfervently——meantimetheChairwashammeringwiththegavelandshouting：
\"Order，gentlemen！Order！Order！Letmefinishreading，please。\"
Whenquietwasrestored，thereadingwasresumed——asfollows：
\"\'GO，ANDREFORM——OR，MARKMYWORDS——SOMEDAY，FORYOURSINSYOU
WILLDIEANDGOTOHELLORHADLEYBURG——TRYANDMAKEITTHEFORMER。\'\"
Aghastlysilencefollowed。Firstanangrycloudbegantosettledarklyuponthefacesofthecitizenship；afterapausethecloudbegantorise，andatickledexpressiontriedtotakeitsplace；
triedsohardthatitwasonlykeptunderwithgreatandpainfuldifficulty；thereporters，theBrixtonites，andotherstrangersbenttheirheadsdownandshieldedtheirfaceswiththeirhands，andmanagedtoholdinbymainstrengthandheroiccourtesy。Atthismostinopportunetimeburstuponthestillnesstheroarofasolitaryvoice——JackHalliday\'s：
\"THAT\'Sgotthehall-markonit！\"
Thenthehouseletgo，strangersandall。EvenMr。Burgess\'sgravitybrokedownpresently，thentheaudienceconsidereditselfofficiallyabsolvedfromallrestraint，anditmadethemostofitsprivilege。Itwasagoodlonglaugh，andatempestuouslywholeheartedone，butitceasedatlast——longenoughforMr。Burgesstotrytoresume，andforthepeopletogettheireyespartiallywiped；thenitbrokeoutagain，andafterwardyetagain；thenatlastBurgesswasabletogetouttheseseriouswords：
\"Itisuselesstotrytodisguisethefact——wefindourselvesinthepresenceofamatterofgraveimport。Itinvolvesthehonourofyourtown——itstrikesatthetown\'sgoodname。Thedifferenceofasinglewordbetweenthetest-remarksofferedbyMr。WilsonandMr。
Billsonwasitselfaseriousthing，sinceitindicatedthatoneortheotherofthesegentlemenhadcommittedatheft——\"
Thetwomenweresittinglimp，nerveless，crushed；butatthesewordsbothwereelectrifiedintomovement，andstartedtogetup。
\"Sitdown！\"saidtheChair，sharply，andtheyobeyed。\"That，asI
havesaid，wasaseriousthing。Anditwas——butforonlyoneofthem。Butthematterhasbecomegraver；forthehonourofBOTHisnowinformidableperil。ShallIgoevenfurther，andsayininextricableperil？BOTHleftoutthecrucialfifteenwords。\"Hepaused。Duringseveralmomentsheallowedthepervadingstillnesstogatheranddeepenitsimpressiveeffects，thenadded：\"Therewouldseemtobebutonewaywherebythiscouldhappen。Iaskthesegentlemen——WasthereCOLLUSION？——AGREEMENT？\"
Alowmurmursiftedthroughthehouse；itsimportwas，\"He\'sgotthemboth。\"
Billsonwasnotusedtoemergencies；hesatinahelplesscollapse。
ButWilsonwasalawyer。Hestruggledtohisfeet，paleandworried，andsaid：
\"IasktheindulgenceofthehousewhileIexplainthismostpainfulmatter。IamsorrytosaywhatIamabouttosay，sinceitmustinflictirreparableinjuryuponMr。Billson，whomIhavealwaysesteemedandrespecteduntilnow，andinwhoseinvulnerabilitytotemptationIentirelybelieved——asdidyouall。ButforthepreservationofmyownhonourImustspeak——andwithfrankness。I
confesswithshame——andInowbeseechyourpardonforit——thatI
saidtotheruinedstrangerallofthewordscontainedinthetest-
remark，includingthedisparagingfifteen。[Sensation。]WhenthelatepublicationwasmadeIrecalledthem，andIresolvedtoclaimthesackofcoin，forbyeveryrightIwasentitledtoit。NowI
willaskyoutoconsiderthispoint，andweighitwell；thatstranger\'sgratitudetomethatnightknewnobounds；hesaidhimselfthathecouldfindnowordsforitthatwereadequate，andthatifheshouldeverbeablehewouldrepaymeathousandfold。
Now，then，Iaskyouthis；couldIexpect——couldIbelieve——couldI
evenremotelyimagine——that，feelingashedid，hewoulddosoungratefulathingastoaddthosequiteunnecessaryfifteenwordstohistest？——setatrapforme？——exposemeasaslandererofmyowntownbeforemyownpeopleassembledinapublichall？Itwaspreposterous；itwasimpossible。Histestwouldcontainonlythekindlyopeningclauseofmyremark。OfthatIhadnoshadowofdoubt。YouwouldhavethoughtasIdid。Youwouldnothaveexpectedabasebetrayalfromonewhomyouhadbefriendedandagainstwhomyouhadcommittednooffence。Andsowithperfectconfidence，perfecttrust，Iwroteonapieceofpapertheopeningwords——endingwith\"Go，andreform，\"——andsignedit。WhenIwasabouttoputitinanenvelopeIwascalledintomybackoffice，andwithoutthinkingIleftthepaperlyingopenonmydesk。\"Hestopped，turnedhisheadslowlytowardBillson，waitedamoment，thenadded：\"Iaskyoutonotethis；whenIreturned，alittlelatter，Mr。Billsonwasretiringbymystreetdoor。\"[Sensation。]
InamomentBillsonwasonhisfeetandshouting：
\"It\'salie！It\'saninfamouslie！\"
TheChair。\"Beseated，sir！Mr。Wilsonhasthefloor。\"
Billson\'sfriendspulledhimintohisseatandquietedhim，andWilsonwenton：
\"Thosearethesimplefacts。MynotewasnowlyinginadifferentplaceonthetablefromwhereIhadleftit。Inoticedthat，butattachednoimportancetoit，thinkingadraughthadblownitthere。
ThatMr。Billsonwouldreadaprivatepaperwasathingwhichcouldnotoccurtome；hewasanhonourableman，andhewouldbeabovethat。Ifyouwillallowmetosayit，Ithinkhisextraword\'VERY\'
standsexplained：itisattributabletoadefectofmemory。Iwastheonlymanintheworldwhocouldfurnishhereanydetailofthetest-mark——byHONOURABLEmeans。Ihavefinished。\"
Thereisnothingintheworldlikeapersuasivespeechtofuddlethementalapparatusandupsettheconvictionsanddebauchtheemotionsofanaudiencenotpractisedinthetricksanddelusionsoforatory。
Wilsonsatdownvictorious。Thehousesubmergedhimintidesofapprovingapplause；friendsswarmedtohimandshookhimbythehandandcongratulatedhim，andBillsonwasshouteddownandnotallowedtosayaword。TheChairhammeredandhammeredwithitsgavel，andkeptshouting：
\"Butletusproceed，gentlemen，letusproceed！\"
Atlasttherewasameasurabledegreeofquiet，andthehattersaid：
\"Butwhatistheretoproceedwith，sir，buttodeliverthemoney？\"
Voices。\"That\'sit！That\'sit！Comeforward，Wilson！\"
TheHatter。\"ImovethreecheersforMr。Wilson，Symbolofthespecialvirtuewhich——\"
Thecheersburstforthbeforehecouldfinish；andinthemidstofthem——andinthemidstoftheclamourofthegavelalso——someenthusiastsmountedWilsononabigfriend\'sshoulderandweregoingtofetchhimintriumphtotheplatform。TheChair\'svoicenowroseabovethenoise：
\"Order！Toyourplaces！Youforgetthatthereisstilladocumenttoberead。\"Whenquiethadbeenrestoredhetookupthedocument，andwasgoingtoreadit，butlaiditdownagainsaying\"Iforgot；
thisisnottobereaduntilallwrittencommunicationsreceivedbymehavefirstbeenread。\"Hetookanenvelopeoutofhispocket，removeditsenclosure，glancedatit——seemedastonished——helditoutandgazedatit——staredatit。
Twentyorthirtyvoicescriedout：
\"Whatisit？Readit！readit！\"
Andhedid——slowly，andwondering：
\"\'TheremarkwhichImadetothestranger——[Voices。\"Hello！how\'sthis？\"]——wasthis：\'Youarefarfrombeingabadman。[Voices。
\"GreatScott！\"]Go，andreform。\'\"[Voice。\"Oh，sawmylegoff！\"]
SignedbyMr。Pinkertonthebanker。\"
Thepandemoniumofdelightwhichturneditselfloosenowwasofasorttomakethejudiciousweep。Thosewhosewitherswereunwrunglaughedtillthetearsrandown；thereporters，inthroesoflaughter，setdowndisorderedpot-hookswhichwouldneverintheworldbedecipherable；andasleepingdogjumpedupscaredoutofitswits，andbarkeditselfcrazyattheturmoil。Allmannerofcrieswerescatteredthroughthedin：\"We\'regettingrich——TWO
SymbolsofIncorruptibility！——withoutcountingBillson！\"\"THREE！——
countShadbellyin——wecan\'thavetoomany！\"\"Allright——Billson\'selected！\"\"Alas，poorWilson！victimofTWOthieves！\"
APowerfulVoice。\"Silence！TheChair\'sfishedupsomethingmoreoutofitspocket。\"
Voices。\"Hurrah！Isitsomethingfresh？Readit！read！read！\"
TheChair[reading]。\"\'TheremarkwhichImade，\'etc。\'Youarefarfrombeingabadman。Go，\'etc。Signed，\'GregoryYates。\'\"
TornadoofVoices。\"FourSymbols！\"\"\'RahforYates！\"\"Fishagain！\"
Thehousewasinaroaringhumournow，andreadytogetallthefunoutoftheoccasionthatmightbeinit。SeveralNineteeners，lookingpaleanddistressed，gotupandbegantoworktheirwaytowardstheaisles，butascoreofshoutswentup：
\"Thedoors，thedoors——closethedoors；noIncorruptibleshallleavethisplace！Sitdown，everybody！\"Themandatewasobeyed。
\"Fishagain！Read！read！\"
TheChairfishedagain，andoncemorethefamiliarwordsbegantofallfromitslips——\"\'Youarefarfrombeingabadman——\'\"
\"Name！name！What\'shisname？\"
\"\'L。IngoldsbySargent。\'\"
\"Fiveelected！PileuptheSymbols！Goon，goon！\"
\"\'Youarefarfrombeingabad——\'\"
\"Name！name！\"
\"\'NicholasWhitworth。\'\"
\"Hooray！hooray！it\'sasymbolicalday！\"
Somebodywailedin，andbegantosingthisrhymeleavingout\"it\'s\"tothelovely\"Mikado\"tuneof\"Whenaman\'safraidofabeautifulmaid；\"theaudiencejoinedin，withjoy；then，justintime，somebodycontributedanotherline——
\"Anddon\'tyouthisforget——\"
Thehouseroareditout。Athirdlinewasatoncefurnished——
\"CorruptiblesfarfromHadleyburgare——\"
Thehouseroaredthatonetoo。Asthelastnotedied，JackHalliday\'svoicerosehighandclear，freightedwithafinalline——
\"ButtheSymbolsarehere，youbet！\"
Thatwassung，withboomingenthusiasm。Thenthehappyhousestartedinatthebeginningandsangthefourlinesthroughtwice，withimmenseswinganddash，andfinishedupwithacrashingthree-
times-threeandatigerfor\"HadleyburgtheIncorruptibleandallSymbolsofitwhichweshallfindworthytoreceivethehall-markto-night。\"
ThentheshoutingsattheChairbeganagain，allovertheplace：
\"Goon！goon！Read！readsomemore！Readallyou\'vegot！\"
\"That\'sit——goon！Wearewinningeternalcelebrity！\"
Adozenmengotupnowandbegantoprotest。Theysaidthatthisfarcewastheworkofsomeabandonedjoker，andwasaninsulttothewholecommunity。Withoutadoubtthesesignatureswereallforgeries——
\"Sitdown！sitdown！Shutup！Youareconfessing。We\'llfindyournamesinthelot。\"
\"Mr。Chairman，howmanyofthoseenvelopeshaveyougot？\"
TheChaircounted。
\"Togetherwiththosethathavebeenalreadyexamined，therearenineteen。\"
Astormofderisiveapplausebrokeout。
\"Perhapstheyallcontainthesecret。Imovethatyouopenthemallandreadeverysignaturethatisattachedtoanoteofthatsort——
andreadalsothefirsteightwordsofthenote。\"
\"Secondthemotion！\"
Itwasputandcarried——uproariously。ThenpooroldRichardsgotup，andhiswiferoseandstoodathisside。Herheadwasbentdown，sothatnonemightseethatshewascrying。Herhusbandgaveherhisarm，andsosupportingher，hebegantospeakinaquaveringvoice：
\"Myfriends，youhaveknownustwo——Maryandme——allourlives，andIthinkyouhavelikedusandrespectedus——\"
TheChairinterruptedhim：
\"Allowme。Itisquitetrue——thatwhichyouaresaying，Mr。
Richards；thistownDOESknowyoutwo；itDOESlikeyou；itDOES
respectyou；more——ithonoursyouandLOVESyou——\"
Halliday\'svoicerangout：
\"That\'sthehall-markedtruth，too！IftheChairisright，letthehousespeakupandsayit。Rise！Now，then——hip！hip！hip！——alltogether！\"
Thehouseroseinmass，facedtowardtheoldcoupleeagerly，filledtheairwithasnow-stormofwavinghandkerchiefs，anddeliveredthecheerswithallitsaffectionateheart。
TheChairthencontinued：
\"WhatIwasgoingtosayisthis：Weknowyourgoodheart，Mr。
Richards，butthisisnotatimefortheexerciseofcharitytowardoffenders。[Shoutsof\"Right！right！\"]Iseeyourgenerouspurposeinyourface，butIcannotallowyoutopleadforthesemen——\"
\"ButIwasgoingto——\"
\"Pleasetakeyourseat，Mr。Richards。Wemustexaminetherestofthesenotes——simplefairnesstothemenwhohavealreadybeenexposedrequiresthis。Assoonasthathasbeendone——Igiveyoumywordforthis——youshallheheard。\"
Manyvoices。\"Right！——theChairisright——nointerruptioncanbepermittedatthisstage！Goon！——thenames！thenames！——accordingtothetermsofthemotion！\"
Theoldcouplesatreluctantlydown，andthehusbandwhisperedtothewife，\"Itispitifullyhardtohavetowait；theshamewillbegreaterthaneverwhentheyfindwewereonlygoingtopleadforOURSELVES。\"
Straightwaythejollitybrokelooseagainwiththereadingofthenames。
\"\'Youarefarfrombeingabadman——\'Signature，\'RobertJ。
Titmarsh。\'\"
\'\"Youarefarfrombeingabadman——\'Signature，\'EliphaletWeeks。\'\"
\"\'Youarefarfrombeingabadman——\'Signature，\'OscarB。Wilder。\'\"
AtthispointthehouselitupontheideaoftakingtheeightwordsoutoftheChairman\'shands。Hewasnotunthankfulforthat。
Thenceforwardheheldupeachnoteinitsturnandwaited。Thehousedronedouttheeightwordsinamassedandmeasuredandmusicaldeepvolumeofsoundwithadaringlycloseresemblancetoawell-knownchurchchant——\"Youaref-a-rfrombeingab-a-a-a-dman。\"ThentheChairsaid，\"Signature，\'ArchibaldWilcox。\'\"Andsoon，andsoon，nameaftername，andeverybodyhadanincreasinglyandgloriouslygoodtimeexceptthewretchedNineteen。Nowandthen，whenaparticularlyshiningnamewascalled，thehousemadetheChairwaitwhileitchantedthewholeofthetest-remarkfromthebeginningtotheclosingwords，\"AndgotohellorHadleyburg——
tryandmakeitthefor-or-m-e-r！\"andinthesespecialcasestheyaddedagrandandagonisedandimposing\"A-a-a-a-MEN！\"
Thelistdwindled，dwindled，dwindled，pooroldRichardskeepingtallyofthecount，wincingwhenanameresemblinghisownwaspronounced，andwaitinginmiserablesuspenseforthetimetocomewhenitwouldbehishumiliatingprivilegetorisewithMaryandfinishhisplea，whichhewasintendingtowordthus：\"……foruntilnowwehaveneverdoneanywrongthing，buthavegoneourhumblewayunreproached。Weareverypoor，weareold，and，havenochicknorchildtohelpus；weweresorelytempted，andwefell。ItwasmypurposewhenIgotupbeforetomakeconfessionandbegthatmynamemightnotbereadoutinthispublicplace，foritseemedtousthatwecouldnotbearit；butIwasprevented。Itwasjust；itwasourplacetosufferwiththerest。Ithasbeenhardforus。Itisthefirsttimewehaveeverheardournamefallfromanyone\'slips——sullied。Bemerciful——forthesakeorthebetterdays；makeourshameaslighttobearasinyourcharityyoucan。\"AtthispointinhisreverieMarynudgedhim，perceivingthathismindwasabsent。Thehousewaschanting，\"Youaref-a-r，\"etc。
\"Beready，\"Marywhispered。\"Yournamecomesnow；hehasreadeighteen。\"
Thechantended。
\"Next！next！next！\"camevolleyingfromalloverthehouse。
Burgessputhishandintohispocket。Theoldcouple，trembling，begantorise。Burgessfumbledamoment，thensaid：
\"IfindIhavereadthemall。\"
Faintwithjoyandsurprise，thecouplesankintotheirseats，andMarywhispered：
\"Oh，blessGod，wearesaved！——hehaslostours——Iwouldn\'tgivethisforahundredofthosesacks！\"
Thehouseburstoutwithits\"Mikado\"travesty，andsangitthreetimeswithever-increasingenthusiasm，risingtoitsfeetwhenitreachedforthethirdtimetheclosingline——
\"ButtheSymbolsarehere，youbet！\"
andfinishingupwithcheersandatigerfor\"Hadleyburgpurityandoureighteenimmortalrepresentativesofit。\"
ThenWingate，thesaddler，gotupandproposedcheers\"forthecleanestmanintown，theonesolitaryimportantcitizeninitwhodidn\'ttrytostealthatmoney——EdwardRichards。\"
Theyweregivenwithgreatandmovingheartiness；thensomebodyproposedthat\"RichardsbeelectedsoleGuardianandSymbolofthenowSacredHadleyburgTradition，withpowerandrighttostandupandlookthewholesarcasticworldintheface。\"
Passed，byacclamation；thentheysangthe\"Mikado\"again，andendeditwith——
\"Andthere\'sONESymbolleft，youbet！\"
Therewasapause；then——
AVoice。\"Now，then，who\'stogetthesack？\"
TheTannerwithbittersarcasm。\"That\'seasy。ThemoneyhastobedividedamongtheeighteenIncorruptibles。Theygavethesufferingstrangertwentydollarsapiece——andthatremark——eachinhisturn——ittooktwenty-twominutesfortheprocessiontomovepast。Stakedthestranger——totalcontribution，$360。Alltheywantisjusttheloanback——andinterest——fortythousanddollarsaltogether。\"
ManyVoices[derisively。]\"That\'sit！Divvy！divvy！Bekindtothepoor——don\'tkeepthemwaiting！\"
TheChair。\"Order！Inowofferthestranger\'sremainingdocument。
Itsays：\'Ifnoclaimantshallappear[grandchorusofgroans]，I
desirethatyouopenthesackandcountoutthemoneytotheprincipalcitizensofyourtown，theytotakeitintrust[Criesof\"Oh！Oh！Oh！\"]，anduseitinsuchwaysastothemshallseembestforthepropagationandpreservationofyourcommunity\'snoblereputationforincorruptiblehonesty[morecries]——areputationtowhichtheirnamesandtheireffortswilladdanewandfar-reachinglustre。\"[Enthusiasticoutburstofsarcasticapplause。]Thatseemstobeall。No——hereisapostscript：
\"\'P。S——CITIZENSOFHADLEYBURG：ThereISnotest-remark——nobodymadeone。[Greatsensation。]Therewasn\'tanypauperstranger，noranytwenty-dollarcontribution，noranyaccompanyingbenedictionandcompliment——theseareallinventions。[Generalbuzzandhumofastonishmentanddelight。]Allowmetotellmystory——itwilltakebutawordortwo。Ipassedthroughyourtownatacertaintime，andreceivedadeepoffencewhichIhadnotearned。Anyothermanwouldhavebeencontenttokilloneortwoofyouandcallitsquare，buttomethatwouldhavebeenatrivialrevenge，andinadequate；forthedeaddonotSUFFER。BesidesIcouldnotkillyouall——and，anyway，madeasIam，eventhatwouldnothavesatisfiedme。Iwantedtodamageeverymanintheplace，andeverywoman——andnotintheirbodiesorintheirestate，butintheirvanity——theplacewherefeebleandfoolishpeoplearemostvulnerable。SoI
disguisedmyselfandcamebackandstudiedyou。Youwereeasygame。
Youhadanoldandloftyreputationforhonesty，andnaturallyyouwereproudofit——itwasyourtreasureoftreasures，theveryappleofyoureye。AssoonasIfoundoutthatyoucarefullyandvigilantlykeptyourselvesandyourchildrenOUTOFTEMPTATION，I
knewhowtoproceed。Why，yousimplecreatures，theweakestofallweakthingsisavirtuewhichhasnotbeentestedinthefire。I
laidaplan，andgatheredalistofnames。MyprojectwastocorruptHadleyburgtheIncorruptible。Myideawastomakeliarsandthievesofnearlyhalfahundredsmirchlessmenandwomenwhohadneverintheirlivesutteredalieorstolenapenny。IwasafraidofGoodson。HewasneitherbornnorrearedinHadleyburg。IwasafraidthatifIstartedtooperatemyschemebygettingmyletterlaidbeforeyou，youwouldsaytoyourselves，\'Goodsonistheonlymanamonguswhowouldgiveawaytwentydollarstoapoordevil\'——
andthenyoumightnotbiteatmybait。ButheaventookGoodson；
thenIknewIwassafe，andIsetmytrapandbaitedit。ItmaybethatIshallnotcatchallthementowhomImailedthepretendedtest-secret，butIshallcatchthemostofthem，ifIknowHadleyburgnature。[Voices。\"Right——hegoteverylastoneofthem。\"]IbelievetheywillevenstealostensibleGAMBLE-money，ratherthanmiss，poor，tempted，andmistrainedfellows。IamhopingtoeternallyandeverlastinglysquelchyourvanityandgiveHadleyburganewrenown——onethatwillSTICK——andspreadfar。IfI
havesucceeded，openthesackandsummontheCommitteeonPropagationandPreservationoftheHadleyburgReputation。\'\"
ACycloneofVoices。\"Openit！Openit！TheEighteentothefront！CommitteeonPropagationoftheTradition！Forward——theIncorruptibles！\"
TheChairrippedthesackwide，andgatheredupahandfulofbright，broad，yellowcoins，shookthemtogether，thenexaminedthem。
\"Friends，theyareonlygildeddisksoflead！\"
Therewasacrashingoutbreakofdelightoverthisnews，andwhenthenoisehadsubsided，thetannercalledout：
\"Byrightofapparentseniorityinthisbusiness，Mr。WilsonisChairmanoftheCommitteeonPropagationoftheTradition。I
suggestthathestepforwardonbehalfofhispals，andreceiveintrustthemoney。\"
AHundredVoices。\"Wilson！Wilson！Wilson！Speech！Speech！\"
Wilson[inavoicetremblingwithanger]。\"Youwillallowmetosay，andwithoutapologiesformylanguage，DAMNthemoney！\"
AVoice。\"Oh，andhimaBaptist！\"
AVoice。\"SeventeenSymbolsleft！Stepup，gentlemen，andassumeyourtrust！\"
Therewasapause——noresponse。
TheSaddler。\"Mr。Chairman，we\'vegotONEcleanmanleft，anyway，outofthelatearistocracy；andheneedsmoney，anddeservesit。I
movethatyouappointJackHallidaytogetupthereandauctionoffthatsackofgilttwenty-dollarpieces，andgivetheresulttotherightman——themanwhomHadleyburgdelightstohonour——EdwardRichards。\"
Thiswasreceivedwithgreatenthusiasm，thedogtakingahandagain；thesaddlerstartedthebidsatadollar，theBrixtonfolkandBarnum\'srepresentativefoughthardforit，thepeoplecheeredeveryjumpthatthebidsmade，theexcitementclimbedmomentbymomenthigherandhigher，thebiddersgotontheirmettleandgrewsteadilymoreandmoredaring，moreandmoredetermined，thejumpswentfromadollaruptofive，thentoten，thentotwenty，thenfifty，thentoahundred，then——
AtthebeginningoftheauctionRichardswhisperedindistresstohiswife：\"Oh，Mary，canweallowit？It——it——yousee，itisanhonour——reward，atestimonialtopurityofcharacter，and——and——canweallowit？Hadn\'tIbettergetupand——Oh，Mary，whatoughtwetodo？——whatdoyouthinkwe——\"[Halliday\'svoice。\"FifteenI\'mbid！——
fifteenforthesack！——twenty！——ah，thanks！——thirty——thanksagain！
Thirty，thirty，thirty！——doIhearforty？——fortyitis！Keeptheballrolling，gentlemen，keepitrolling！——fifty！——thanks，nobleRoman！——goingatfifty，fifty，fifty！——seventy！——ninety！——
splendid！——ahundred！——pileitup，pileitup！——hundredandtwenty——
forty！——justintime！——hundredandfifty！——Twohundred！——superb！DoIheartwoh——thanks！——twohundredandfifty！——\"]
\"Itisanothertemptation，Edward——I\'mallinatremble——but，oh，we\'veescapedonetemptation，andthatoughttowarnus，to——[\"SixdidIhear？——thanks！——sixfifty，sixf——SEVENhundred！\"]Andyet，Edward，whenyouthink——nobodysusp——[\"Eighthundreddollars！——
hurrah！——makeitnine！——Mr。Parsons，didIhearyousay——thanks！——
nine！——thisnoblesackofvirginleadgoingatonlyninehundreddollars，gildingandall——come！doIhear——athousand！——gratefullyyours！——didsomeonesayeleven？——asackwhichisgoingtobethemostcelebratedinthewholeUni——\"]\"Oh，Edward\"beginningtosob，\"wearesopoor！——but——but——doasyouthinkbest——doasyouthinkbest。\"
Edwardfell——thatis，hesatstill；satwithaconsciencewhichwasnotsatisfied，butwhichwasoverpoweredbycircumstances。
Meantimeastranger，wholookedlikeanamateurdetectivegottenupasanimpossibleEnglishearl，hadbeenwatchingtheevening\'sproceedingswithmanifestinterest，andwithacontentedexpressioninhisface；andhehadbeenprivatelycommentingtohimself。Hewasnowsoliloquisingsomewhatlikethis：\'NoneoftheEighteenarebidding；thatisnotsatisfactory；Imustchangethat——thedramaticunitiesrequireit；theymustbuythesacktheytriedtosteal；theymustpayaheavyprice，too——someofthemarerich。Andanotherthing，whenImakeamistakeinHadleyburgnaturethemanthatputsthaterroruponmeisentitledtoahighhonorarium，andsomeonemustpay。ThispooroldRichardshasbroughtmyjudgmenttoshame；
heisanhonestman：——Idon\'tunderstandit，butIacknowledgeit。
Yes，hesawmydeuces——ANDwithastraightflush，andbyrightsthepotishis。Anditshallbeajack-pot，too，ifIcanmanageit。
Hedisappointedme，butletthatpass。\"
Hewaswatchingthebidding。Atathousand，themarketbroke：thepricestumbledswiftly。Hewaited——andstillwatched。Onecompetitordroppedout；thenanother，andanother。Heputinabidortwonow。Whenthebidshadsunktotendollars，headdedafive；
someoneraisedhimathree；hewaitedamoment，thenflunginafifty-dollarjump，andthesackwashis——at$1，282。Thehousebrokeoutincheers——thenstopped；forhewasonhisfeet，andhadliftedhishand。Hebegantospeak。
\"Idesiretosayaword，andaskafavour。Iamaspeculatorinrarities，andIhavedealingswithpersonsinterestedinnumismaticsallovertheworld。Icanmakeaprofitonthispurchase，justasitstands；butthereisaway，ifIcangetyourapproval，wherebyI
canmakeeveryoneoftheseleadentwenty-dollarpiecesworthitsfaceingold，andperhapsmore。Grantmethatapproval，andIwillgivepartofmygainstoyourMr。Richards，whoseinvulnerableprobityyouhavesojustlyandsocordiallyrecognisedtonight；hisshareshallbetenthousanddollars，andIwillhandhimthemoneyto-morrow。[Greatapplausefromthehouse。Butthe\"invulnerableprobity\"madetheRichardsesblushprettily；however，itwentformodesty，anddidnoharm。]Ifyouwillpassmypropositionbyagoodmajority——Iwouldlikeatwo-thirdsvote——Iwillregardthatasthetown\'sconsent，andthatisallIask。Raritiesarealwayshelpedbyanydevicewhichwillrousecuriosityandcompelremark。
NowifImayhaveyourpermissiontostampuponthefacesofeachoftheseostensiblecoinsthenamesoftheeighteengentlemenwho——\"
Nine-tenthsoftheaudiencewereontheirfeetinamoment——dogandall——andthepropositionwascarriedwithawhirlwindofapprovingapplauseandlaughter。
Theysatdown，andalltheSymbolsexcept\"Dr。\"ClayHarknessgotup，violentlyprotestingagainsttheproposedoutrage，andthreateningto——
\"Ibegyounottothreatenme，\"saidthestrangercalmly。\"Iknowmylegalrights，andamnotaccustomedtobeingfrightenedatbluster。\"[Applause。]Hesatdown。\"Dr。\"Harknesssawanopportunityhere。Hewasoneofthetwoveryrichmenoftheplace，andPinkertonwastheother。Harknesswasproprietorofamint；
thatistosay，apopularpatentmedicine。HewasrunningfortheLegislatureononeticket，andPinkertonontheother。Itwasacloseraceandahotone，andgettinghottereveryday。Bothhadstrongappetitesformoney；eachhadboughtagreattractofland，withapurpose；therewasgoingtobeanewrailway，andeachwantedtobeintheLegislatureandhelplocatetheroutetohisownadvantage；asinglevotemightmakethedecision，andwithittwoorthreefortunes。Thestakewaslarge，andHarknesswasadaringspeculator。Hewassittingclosetothestranger。HeleanedoverwhileoneoranotheroftheotherSymbolswasentertainingthehousewithprotestsandappeals，andasked，inawhisper，\"Whatisyourpriceforthesack？\"
\"Fortythousanddollars。\"
\"I\'llgiveyoutwenty。\"
\"No。\"
\"Twenty-five。\"
\"No。\"
\"Saythirty。\"
\"Thepriceisfortythousanddollars；notapennyless。\"
\"Allright，I\'llgiveit。Iwillcometothehotelatteninthemorning。Idon\'twantitknown；willseeyouprivately。\"
\"Verygood。\"Thenthestrangergotupandsaidtothehouse：
\"Ifinditlate。Thespeechesofthesegentlemenarenotwithoutmerit，notwithoutinterest，notwithoutgrace；yetifImayheexcusedIwilltakemyleave。Ithankyouforthegreatfavourwhichyouhaveshownmeingrantingmypetition。IasktheChairtokeepthesackformeuntilto-morrow，andtohandthesethreefive-
hundred-dollarnotestoMr。Richards。\"TheywerepasseduptotheChair。
\"AtnineIwillcallforthesack，andatelevenwilldelivertherestofthetenthousandtoMr。Richardsinpersonathishome。
Good-night。\"
Thenheslippedout，andlefttheaudiencemakingavastnoise，whichwascomposedofamixtureofcheers，the\"Mikado\"song，dog-
disapproval，andthechant，\"Youaref-a-rfrombeingab-a-a-dman——
a-a-aa-men！\"
IV
AthometheRichardseshadtoendurecongratulationsandcomplimentsuntilmidnight。Thentheywerelefttothemselves。Theylookedalittlesad，andtheysatsilentandthinking。FinallyMarysighedandsaid：
\"Doyouthinkwearetoblame，Edward——MUCHtoblame？\"andhereyeswanderedtotheaccusingtripletofbigbank-noteslyingonthetable，wherethecongratulatorshadbeengloatingoverthemandreverentlyfingeringthem。Edwarddidnotansweratonce；thenhebroughtoutasighandsaid，hesitatingly：
\"We——wecouldn\'thelpit，Mary。It——wellitwasordered。ALL
thingsare。\"
Maryglancedupandlookedathimsteadily，buthedidn\'treturnthelook。Presentlyshesaid：
\"Ithoughtcongratulationsandpraisesalwaystastedgood。But——itseemstome，now——Edward？\"
\"Well？\"
\"Areyougoingtostayinthebank？\"
\"N——no。\"
\"Resign？\"
\"Inthemorning——bynote。\"
\"Itdoesseembest。\"
Richardsbowedhisheadinhishandsandmuttered：
\"BeforeIwasnotafraidtoletoceansofpeople\'smoneypourthroughmyhands，but——Mary，Iamsotired，sotired——\"
\"Wewillgotobed。\"
Atnineinthemorningthestrangercalledforthesackandtookittothehotelinacab。AttenHarknesshadatalkwithhimprivately。Thestrangeraskedforandgotfivechequesonametropolitanbank——drawnto\"Bearer，\"——fourfor$1，500each，andonefor$34，000。Heputoneoftheformerinhispocket-book，andtheremainder，representing$38，500，heputinanenvelope，andwiththeseheaddedanotewhichhewroteafterHarknesswasgone。AtelevenhecalledattheRichards\'houseandknocked。Mrs。Richardspeepedthroughtheshutters，thenwentandreceivedtheenvelope，andthestrangerdisappearedwithoutaword。Shecamebackflushedandalittleunsteadyonherlegs，andgaspedout：
\"IamsureIrecognisedhim！LastnightitseemedtomethatmaybeIhadseenhimsomewherebefore。\"
\"Heisthemanthatbroughtthesackhere？\"
\"Iamalmostsureofit。\"
\"ThenheistheostensibleStephensontoo，andsoldeveryimportantcitizeninthistownwithhisbogussecret。Nowifhehassentchequesinsteadofmoney，wearesoldtoo，afterwethoughtwehadescaped。Iwasbeginningtofeelfairlycomfortableoncemore，aftermynight\'srest，butthelookofthatenvelopemakesmesick。
Itisn\'tfatenough；$8，500ineventhelargestbank-notesmakesmorebulkthanthat。\"
\"Edward，whydoyouobjecttocheques？\"
\"ChequessignedbyStephenson！Iamresignedtotakethe$8，500ifitcouldcomeinbank-notes——foritdoesseemthatitwassoordered，Mary——butIhaveneverhadmuchcourage，andIhavenottheplucktotrytomarketachequesignedwiththatdisastrousname。
Itwouldbeatrap。Thatmantriedtocatchme；weescapedsomehoworother；andnowheistryinganewway。Ifitischeques——\"
\"Oh，Edward，itisTOObad！\"Andsheheldupthechequesandbegantocry。
\"Puttheminthefire！quick！wemustn\'tbetempted。ItisatricktomaketheworldlaughatUS，alongwiththerest，and——GivethemtoME，sinceyoucan\'tdoit！\"Hesnatchedthemandtriedtoholdhisgriptillhecouldgettothestove；buthewashuman，hewasacashier，andhestoppedamomenttomakesureofthesignature。
Thenhecameneartofainting。
\"Fanme，Mary，fanme！Theyarethesameasgold！\"
\"Oh，howlovely，Edward！Why？\"
\"SignedbyHarkness。Whatcanthemysteryofthatbe，Mary？\"
\"Edward，doyouthink——\"
\"Lookhere——lookatthis！Fifteen——fifteen——fifteen——thirty-four。
Thirty-eightthousandfivehundred！Mary，thesackisn\'tworthtwelvedollars，andHarkness——apparently——haspaidaboutparforit。\"
\"Anddoesitallcometous，doyouthink——insteadofthetenthousand？\"
\"Why，itlookslikeit。Andthechequesaremadeto\'Bearer，\'too。\"
\"Isthatgood，Edward？Whatisitfor？\"
\"Ahinttocollectthematsomedistantbank，Ireckon。PerhapsHarknessdoesn\'twantthematterknown。Whatisthat——anote？\"
\"Yes。Itwaswiththecheques。\"
Itwasinthe\"Stephenson\"handwriting，buttherewasnosignature。
Itsaid：
\"Iamadisappointedman。Yourhonestyisbeyondthereachoftemptation。Ihadadifferentideaaboutit，butIwrongedyouinthat，andIbegpardon，anddoitsincerely。Ihonouryou——andthatissinceretoo。Thistownisnotworthytokissthehemofyourgarment。Dearsir，Imadeasquarebetwithmyselfthattherewerenineteendebauchablemeninyourself-righteouscommunity。Ihavelost。Takethewholepot，youareentitledtoit。\"
Richardsdrewadeepsigh，andsaid：
\"Itseemswrittenwithfire——itburnsso。Mary——Iammiserableagain。\"
\"I，too。Ah，dear，Iwish——\"
\"Tothink，Mary——heBELIEVESinme。\"
\"Oh，don\'t，Edward——Ican\'tbearit。\"
\"Ifthosebeautifulwordsweredeserved，Mary——andGodknowsI
believedIdeservedthemonce——IthinkIcouldgivethefortythousanddollarsforthem。AndIwouldputthatpaperaway，asrepresentingmorethangoldandjewels，andkeepitalways。Butnow——Wecouldnotliveintheshadowofitsaccusingpresence，Mary。\"
Heputitinthefire。
Amessengerarrivedanddeliveredanenvelope。Richardstookfromitanoteandreadit；itwasfromBurgess：
\"Yousavedme，inadifficulttime。Isavedyoulastnight。Itwasatcostofalie，butImadethesacrificefreely，andoutofagratefulheart。NoneinthisvillageknowssowellasIknowhowbraveandgoodandnobleyouare。Atbottomyoucannotrespectme，knowingasyoudoofthatmatterofwhichIamaccused，andbythegeneralvoicecondemned；butIbegthatyouwillatleastbelievethatIamagratefulman；itwillhelpmetobearmyburden。
[Signed]\'BURGESS。\'\"
\"Saved，oncemore。Andonsuchterms！\"Heputthenoteinthelire。\"I——IwishIweredead，Mary，IwishIwereoutofitall！\"
\"Oh，thesearebitter，bitterdays，Edward。Thestabs，throughtheirverygenerosity，aresodeep——andtheycomesofast！\"
Threedaysbeforetheelectioneachoftwothousandvoterssuddenlyfoundhimselfinpossessionofaprizedmemento——oneoftherenownedbogusdouble-eagles。Aroundoneofitsfaceswasstampedthesewords：\"THEREMARKIMADETOTHEPOORSTRANGERWAS——\"Aroundtheotherfacewasstampedthese：\"GO，ANDREFORM。[SIGNED]
PINKERTON。\"Thustheentireremainingrefuseoftherenownedjokewasemptieduponasinglehead，andwithcalamitouseffect。ItrevivedtherecentvastlaughandconcentratedituponPinkerton；
andHarkness\'selectionwasawalk-over。
Withintwenty-fourhoursaftertheRichardseshadreceivedtheirchequestheirconscienceswerequietingdown，discouraged；theoldcouplewerelearningtoreconcilethemselvestothesinwhichtheyhadcommitted。Buttheyweretolearn，now，thatasintakesonnewandrealterrorswhenthereseemsachancethatitisgoingtobefoundout。Thisgivesitafreshandmostsubstantialandimportantaspect。Atchurchthemorningsermonwasoftheusualpattern；itwasthesameoldthingssaidinthesameoldway；theyhadheardthemathousandtimesandfoundtheminnocuous，nexttomeaningless，andeasytosleepunder；butnowitwasdifferent：thesermonseemedtobristlewithaccusations；itseemedaimedstraightandspeciallyatpeoplewhowereconcealingdeadlysins。Afterchurchtheygotawayfromthemobofcongratulatorsassoonastheycould，andhurriedhomeward，chilledtotheboneattheydidnotknowwhat——
vague，shadowy，indefinitefears。AndbychancetheycaughtaglimpseofMr。Burgessasheturnedacorner。Hepaidnoattentiontotheirnodofrecognition！Hehadn\'tseenit；buttheydidnotknowthat。Whatcouldhisconductmean？Itmightmean——itmight——
mean——oh，adozendreadfulthings。WasitpossiblethatheknewthatRichardscouldhaveclearedhimofguiltinthatbygonetime，andhadbeensilentlywaitingforachancetoevenupaccounts？Athome，intheirdistresstheygottoimaginingthattheirservantmighthavebeeninthenextroomlisteningwhenRichardsrevealedthesecrettohiswifethatheknewofBurgess\'sinnocence；nextRichardsbegantoimaginethathehadheardtheswishofagowninthereatthattime；next，hewassureheHADheardit。TheywouldcallSarahin，onapretext，andwatchherface；ifshehadbeenbetrayingthemtoMr。Burgess，itwouldshowinhermanner。Theyaskedhersomequestions——questionswhichweresorandomandincoherentandseeminglypurposelessthatthegirlfeltsurethattheoldpeople\'smindshadbeenaffectedbytheirsuddengoodfortune；thesharpandwatchfulgazewhichtheybentuponherfrightenedher，andthatcompletedthebusiness。Sheblushed，shebecamenervousandconfused，andtotheoldpeoplethesewereplainsignsofguilt——guiltofsomefearfulsortorother——withoutdoubtshewasaspyandatraitor。Whentheywerealoneagaintheybegantopiecemanyunrelatedthingstogetherandgethorribleresultsoutofthecombination。WhenthingshadgotabouttotheworstRichardswasdeliveredofasuddengaspandhiswifeasked：
\"Oh，whatisit？——whatisit？\"
\"Thenote——Burgess\'snote！Itslanguagewassarcastic，Iseeitnow。\"Hequoted：\"\'Atbottomyoucannotrespectme，KNOWING，asyoudo，ofTHATMATTEROFwhichIamaccused\'——oh，itisperfectlyplain，now，Godhelpme！HeknowsthatIknow！Youseetheingenuityofthephrasing。Itwasatrap——andlikeafool，Iwalkedintoit。AndMary——！\"
\"Oh，itisdreadful——Iknowwhatyouaregoingtosay——hedidn\'treturnyourtranscriptofthepretendedtest-remark。\"
\"No——keptittodestroyuswith。Mary，hehasexposedustosomealready。Iknowit——Iknowitwell。Isawitinadozenfacesafterchurch。Ah，hewouldn\'tanswerournodofrecognition——heknewwhathehadbeendoing！\"
Inthenightthedoctorwascalled。Thenewswentaroundinthemorningthattheoldcouplewereratherseriouslyill——prostratedbytheexhaustingexcitementgrowingoutoftheirgreatwindfall，thecongratulations，andthelatehours，thedoctorsaid。Thetownwassincerelydistressed；fortheseoldpeoplewereaboutallithadlefttobeproudof，now。
Twodayslaterthenewswasworse。Theoldcoupleweredelirious，andweredoingstrangethings。Bywitnessofthenurses，Richardshadexhibitedcheques——for$8，500？No——foranamazingsum——$38，500！
Whatcouldbetheexplanationofthisgiganticpieceofluck？
Thefollowingdaythenurseshadmorenews——andwonderful。Theyhadconcludedtohidethecheques，lestharmcometothem；butwhentheysearchedtheyweregonefromunderthepatient\'spillow——vanishedaway。Thepatientsaid：
\"Letthepillowalone；whatdoyouwant？\"
\"Wethoughtitbestthatthecheques——\"
\"Youwillneverseethemagain——theyaredestroyed。TheycamefromSatan。Isawthehell-brandonthem，andIknewtheyweresenttobetraymetosin。\"Thenhefelltogabblingstrangeanddreadfulthingswhichwerenotclearlyunderstandable，andwhichthedoctoradmonishedthemtokeeptothemselves。
Richardswasright；thechequeswereneverseenagain。
Anursemusthavetalkedinhersleep，forwithintwodaystheforbiddengabblingswerethepropertyofthetown；andtheywereofasurprisingsort。TheyseemedtoindicatethatRichardshadbeenaclaimantforthesackhimself，andthatBurgesshadconcealedthatfactandthenmaliciouslybetrayedit。
Burgesswastaxedwiththisandstoutlydeniedit。Andhesaiditwasnotfairtoattachweighttothechatterofasickoldmanwhowasoutofhismind。Still，suspicionwasintheair，andtherewasmuchtalk。
AfteradayortwoitwasreportedthatMrs。Richards\'sdeliriousdeliveriesweregettingtobeduplicatesofherhusband\'s。
Suspicionflamedupintoconviction，now，andthetown\'sprideinthepurityofitsoneundiscreditedimportantcitizenbegantodimdownandflickertowardextinction。
Sixdayspassed，thencamemorenews。Theoldcoupleweredying。
Richards\'smindclearedinhislatesthour，andhesentforBurgess。
Burgesssaid：
\"Lettheroombecleared。Ithinkhewishestosaysomethinginprivacy。\"
\"No！\"saidRichards；\"Iwantwitnesses。Iwantyoualltohearmyconfession，sothatImaydieaman，andnotadog。Iwasclean——
artificially——liketherest；andliketherestIfellwhentemptationcame。Isignedalie，andclaimedthemiserablesack。
Mr。BurgessrememberedthatIhaddonehimaservice，andingratitudeandignorancehesuppressedmyclaimandsavedme。YouknowthethingthatwaschargedagainstBurgessyearsago。Mytestimony，andminealone，couldhaveclearedhim，andIwasacowardandlefthimtosufferdisgrace——\"
\"No——no——Mr。Richards，you——\"
\"Myservantbetrayedmysecrettohim——\"
\"Noonehasbetrayedanythingtome——\"-
\"Andthenhedidanaturalandjustifiablething；herepentedofthesavingkindnesswhichhehaddoneme，andheEXPOSEDme——asI
deserved——\"
\"Never！——Imakeoath——\"
\"OutofmyheartIforgivehim。\"
Burgess\'simpassionedprotestationsfellupondeafears；thedyingmanpassedawaywithoutknowingthatoncemorehehaddonepoorBurgessawrong。Theoldwifediedthatnight。
ThelastofthesacredNineteenhadfallenapreytothefiendishsack；thetownwasstrippedofthelastragofitsancientglory。
Itsmourningwasnotshowy，butitwasdeep。
ByactoftheLegislature——uponprayerandpetition——Hadleyburgwasallowedtochangeitsnametonevermindwhat——Iwillnotgiveitaway，andleaveonewordoutofthemottothatformanygenerationshadgracedthetown\'sofficialseal。
Itisanhonesttownoncemore，andthemanwillhavetoriseearlythatcatchesitnappingagain。
MYFIRSTLIE，ANDHOWIGOTOUTOFIT
AsIunderstandit，whatyoudesireisinformationabout\'myfirstlie，andhowIgotoutofit。\'Iwasbornin1835；Iamwellalong，andmymemoryisnotasgoodasitwas。Ifyouhadaskedaboutmyfirsttruthitwouldhavebeeneasierformeandkinderofyou，forIrememberthatfairlywell。Irememberitasifitwerelastweek。Thefamilythinkitwasweekbefore，butthatisflatteryandprobablyhasaselfishprojectbackofit。Whenapersonhasbecomeseasonedbyexperienceandhasreachedtheageofsixty-four，whichistheageofdiscretion，helikesafamilycomplimentaswellasever，buthedoesnotlosehisheadoveritasintheoldinnocentdays。
Idonotremembermyfirstlie，itistoofarback；butIremembermysecondoneverywell。Iwasninedaysoldatthetime，andhadnoticedthatifapinwasstickinginmeandIadvertiseditintheusualfashion，Iwaslovinglypettedandcoddledandpitiedinamostagreeablewayandgotarationbetweenmealsbesides。
Itwashumannaturetowanttogettheseriches，andIfell。Iliedaboutthepin——advertisingonewhentherewasn\'tany。Youwouldhavedoneit；GeorgeWashingtondidit，anybodywouldhavedoneit。DuringthefirsthalfofmylifeIneverknewachildthatwasabletoriseaboutthattemptationandkeepfromtellingthatlie。Upto1867allthecivilisedchildrenthatwereeverbornintotheworldwereliars——
includingGeorge。Thenthesafety-pincameinandblockedthegame。Butisthatreformworthanything？No；foritisreformbyforceandhasnovirtueinit；itmerelystopsthatformoflying，itdoesn\'timpairthedispositiontolie，byashade。Itisthecradleapplicationofconversionbyfireandsword，orofthetemperanceprinciplethroughprohibition。
Toreturntothatearlylie。Theyfoundnopinandtheyrealisedthatanotherliarhadbeenaddedtotheworld\'ssupply。Forbygraceofarareinspirationaquitecommonplacebutseldomnoticedfactwasborneinupontheirunderstandings——thatalmostallliesareacts，andspeechhasnopartinthem。Then，iftheyexaminedalittlefurthertheyrecognisedthatallpeopleareliarsfromthecradleonwards，withoutexception，andthattheybegintolieassoonastheywakeinthemorning，andkeepitupwithoutrestorrefreshmentuntiltheygotosleepatnight。Iftheyarrivedatthattruthitprobablygrievedthem——did，iftheyhadbeenheedlesslyandignorantlyeducatedbytheirbooksandteachers；forwhyshouldapersongrieveoverathingwhichbytheeternallawofhismakehecannothelp？Hedidn\'tinventthelaw；itismerelyhisbusinesstoobeyitandkeepstill；jointheuniversalconspiracyandkeepsostillthatheshalldeceivehisfellow-conspiratorsintoimaginingthathedoesn\'tknowthatthelawexists。Itiswhatwealldo——wethatknow。I
amspeakingofthelieofsilentassertion；wecantellitwithoutsayingaword，andwealldoit——wethatknow。Inthemagnitudeofitsterritorialspreaditisoneofthemostmajesticliesthatthecivilisationsmakeittheirsacredandanxiouscaretoguardandwatchandpropagate。
Forinstance。Itwouldnotbepossibleforahumaneandintelligentpersontoinventarationalexcuseforslavery；yetyouwillrememberthatintheearlydaysoftheemancipationagitationintheNorththeagitatorsgotbutsmallhelporcountenancefromanyone。Argueandpleadandprayastheymight，theycouldnotbreaktheuniversalstillnessthatreigned，frompulpitandpressallthewaydowntothebottomofsociety——theclammystillnesscreatedandmaintainedbythelieofsilentassertion——thesilentassertionthattherewasn\'tanythinggoingoninwhichhumaneandintelligentpeoplewereinterested。
FromthebeginningoftheDreyfuscasetotheendofitallFrance，exceptacoupleofdozenmoralpaladins，layunderthesmotherofthesilent-assertionliethatnowrongwasbeingdonetoapersecutedandunoffendingman。ThelikesmotherwasoverEnglandlately，agoodhalfofthepopulationsilentlylettingonthattheywerenotawarethatMr。
ChamberlainwastryingtomanufactureawarinSouthAfricaandwaswillingtopayfancypricesforthematerials。
Nowtherewehaveinstancesofthreeprominentostensiblecivilisationsworkingthesilent-assertionlie。Couldonefindotherinstancesinthethreecountries？Ithinkso。Notsoverymanyperhaps，butsayabillion——justsoastokeepwithinbounds。Arethosecountriesworkingthatkindoflie，dayinanddayout，inthousandsandthousandsofvarieties，withouteverresting？Yes，weknowthattobetrue。Theuniversalconspiracyofthesilent-assertionlieishardatworkalwaysandeverywhere，andalwaysintheinterestofastupidityorasham，neverintheinterestofathingfineorrespectable。Isitthemosttimidandshabbyofalllies？Itseemstohavethelookofit。Foragesandagesithasmutelylabouredintheinterestofdespotismsandaristocraciesandchattelslaveries，andmilitaryslaveries，andreligiousslaveries，andhaskeptthemalive；keepsthemaliveyet，hereandthereandyonder，allabouttheglobe；andwillgoonkeepingthemaliveuntilthesilent-assertionlieretiresfrombusiness——thesilentassertionthatnothingisgoingonwhichfairandintelligentmenareawareofandareengagedbytheirdutytotrytostop。
WhatIamarrivingatisthis：Whenwholeracesandpeoplesconspiretopropagategiganticmuteliesintheinterestoftyranniesandshams，whyshouldwecareanythingaboutthetriflingliestoldbyindividuals？Whyshouldwetrytomakeitappearthatabstentionfromlyingisavirtue？
Whyshouldwewanttobeguileourselvesinthatway？Whyshouldwewithoutshamehelpthenationlie，andthenbeashamedtodoalittlelyingonourownaccount？Whyshouldn\'twebehonestandhonourable，andlieeverytimewegetachance？Thatistosay，whyshouldn\'twebeconsistent，andeitherlieallthetimeornotatall？Whyshouldwehelpthenationliethewholedaylongandthenobjecttotellingonelittleindividualprivatelieinourowninteresttogotobedon？Justfortherefreshmentofit，Imean，andtotaketherancidtasteoutofourmouth。
HereinEnglandtheyhavetheoddestways。Theywon\'ttellaspokenlie——nothingcanpersuadethem。Exceptinalargemoralinterest，likepoliticsorreligion，Imean。Totellaspokenlietogeteventhepoorestlittlepersonaladvantageoutofitisathingwhichisimpossibletothem。Theymakemeashamedofmyselfsometimes，theyaresobigoted。Theywillnoteventellalieforthefunofit；theywillnottellitwhenithasn\'teveasuggestionofdamageoradvantageinitforanyone。Thishasarestraininginfluenceuponmeinspiteofreason，andIamalwaysgettingoutofpractice。
Ofcourse，theytellallsortsoflittleunspokenlies，justlikeanybody；buttheydon\'tnoticeituntiltheirattentioniscalledtoit。
TheyhavegotmesothatsometimesInevertellaverballienowexceptinamodifiedform；andeveninthemodifiedformtheydon\'tapproveofit。Still，thatisasfarasIcangointheinterestofthegrowingfriendlyrelationsbetweenthetwocountries；Imustkeepsomeofmyself-respect——andmyhealth。Icanliveonaprettylowdiet，butI
can\'tgetalongonnosustenanceatall。
Ofcourse，therearetimeswhenthesepeoplehavetocomeoutwithaspokenlie，forthatisathingwhichhappenstoeverybodyonceinawhile，andwouldhappentotheangelsiftheycamedownheremuch。
Particularlytotheangels，infact，fortheliesIspeakofareself-
sacrificingonestoldforagenerousobject，notameanone；butevenwhenthesepeopletellalieofthatsortitseemstoscarethemandunsettletheirminds。Itisawonderfulthingtosee，andshowsthattheyareallinsane。Infact，itisacountrywhichisfullofthemostinterestingsuperstitions。
IhaveanEnglishfriendoftwenty-fiveyears\'standing，andyesterdaywhenwewerecomingdown-townontopofthe\'busIhappenedtotellhimalie——amodifiedone，ofcourse；ahalf-breed，amulatto；Ican\'tseemtotellanyotherkindnow，themarketissoflat。IwasexplainingtohimhowIgotoutofanembarrassmentinAustrialastyear。IdonotknowwhatmighthavebecomeofmeifIhadn\'thappenedtoremembertotellthepolicethatIbelongedtothesamefamilyasthePrinceofWales。Thatmadeeverythingpleasantandtheyletmego；andapologised，too，andwereeversokindandobligingandpolite，andcouldn\'tdotoomuchforme，andexplainedhowthemistakecametobemade，andpromisedtohangtheofficerthatdidit，andhopedIwouldletbygonesbebygonesandnotsayanythingaboutit；andIsaidtheycoulddependonme。Myfriendsaid，austerely：
\'Youcallitamodifiedlie？Whereisthemodification？\'
Iexplainedthatitlayintheformofmystatementtothepolice。
\'Ididn\'tsayIbelongedtotheRoyalFamily；IonlysaidIbelongedtothesamefamilyasthePrince——meaningthehumanfamily，ofcourse；andifthosepeoplehadhadanypenetrationtheywouldhaveknownit。I
can\'tgoaroundfurnishingbrainstothepolice；itisnottobeexpected。\'
\'Howdidyoufeelafterthatperformance？\'
\'Well，ofcourseIwasdistressedtofindthatthepolicehadmisunderstoodme，butaslongasIhadnottoldanylieIknewtherewasnooccasiontositupnightsandworryaboutit。\'
Myfriendstruggledwiththecaseseveralminutes，turningitoverandexaminingitinhismind，thenhesaidthatsofarashecouldseethemodificationwasitselfalie，itbeingamisleadingreservationofanexplanatoryfact，andsoIhadtoldtwoliesinsteadofonlyone。
\'Iwouldn\'thavedoneit，\'saidhe；\'Ihavenevertoldalie，andI
shouldbeverysorrytodosuchathing。\'
Justthenheliftedhishatandsmiledabasketfulofsurprisedanddelightedsmilesdownatagentlemanwhowaspassinginahansom。
\'Whowasthat，G——？\'
\'Idon\'tknow。\'
\'Thenwhydidyoudothat？\'
\'BecauseIsawhethoughtheknewmeandwasexpectingitofme。IfI
hadn\'tdoneithewouldhavebeenhurt。Ididn\'twanttoembarrasshimbeforethewholestreet。\'
\'Well，yourheartwasright，G——，andyouractwasright。Whatyoudidwaskindlyandcourteousandbeautiful；Iwouldhavedoneitmyself；butitwasalie。\'
\'Alie？Ididn\'tsayaword。Howdoyoumakeitout？\'
\'Iknowyoudidn\'tspeak，stillyousaidtohimveryplainlyandenthusiasticallyindumbshow，\"Hello！youintown？Awfulgladtoseeyou，oldfellow；whendidyougetback？\"Concealedinyouractionswaswhatyouhavecalled\"amisleadingreservationofanexplanatoryfact\"——
theactthatyouhadneverseenhimbefore。Youexpressedjoyinencounteringhim——alie；andyoumadethatreservation——anotherlie。Itwasmypairoveragain。Butdon\'tbetroubled——wealldoit。\'