YourseverMARK。
NewscameofthedeathofRobertIngersoll。Clemenshadbeenalwaysoneofhismostardentadmirers，andawarmpersonalfriend。ToIngersoll”sniecehesentawordofheartfeltsympathy。
ToMissEvaFarrell，inNewYork：
30WELLINGTONCOURT，ALBERTGATE。
DEARMISSFARRELL，——Exceptmydaughter”s，IhavenotgrievedforanydeathasIhavegrievedforhis。Hiswasagreatandbeautifulspirit，hewasaman——allmanfromhiscrowntohisfootsoles。Myreverenceforhimwasdeepandgenuine；Iprizedhisaffectionformeandreturneditwithusury。
SincerelyYours，S。L。CLEMENS。
ClemensandfamilydecidedtospendthesummerinSweden，atSauna，inordertoavailthemselvesofosteopathictreatmentaspractisedbyHeinrickKellgren。Kellgren”smethod，knownasthe“Swedishmovements，“seemedtoMarkTwainawonderfulcureforallailments，andheheraldedthediscoveryfarandwide。HewrotetofriendsfarandnearadvisingthemtotryKellgrenforanythingtheymighthappentohave。Whateveritsbeginning，anyletterwaslikelytoclosewithsomementionofthenewpanacea。
ToRev。J。H。Twichell，travelinginEurope：
SANNA，Sept。6，”99。
DEARJOE，——I”venobusinessinhere——Ioughttobeoutside。Ishallneverseeanothersunsettobeginwithitthissideofheaven。Venice？
land，whatapoorinterestthatis！Thisistheplacetobe。Ihaveseenabout60sunsetshere；andagood40ofthemwereclearandawaybeyondanythingIhadeverimaginedbeforefordaintyandexquisiteandmarvellousbeautyandinfinitechangeandvariety。America？Italy？Thetropics？Theyhavenonotionofwhatasunsetoughttobe。Andthisone——thisunspeakablewonder！Itdiscountsalltherest。Itbringsthetears，itissounutterablybeautiful。
IfIhadtime，Iwouldsayawordaboutthiscurativesystemhere。ThepeopleactuallydoseveralofthegreatthingstheChristianScientistspretendtodo。Youwishtoadvisewithaphysicianaboutit？Certainly。
Thereisnoobjection。Heknowsnexttosomethingabouthisowntrade，butthatwillnotembarrasshiminframingaverdictaboutthisone。
Irespectyoursuperstitions——weallhavethem。ItwouldbequitenaturalforthecautiousChinamantoaskhisnativepriesttoinstructhimastothevalueofthenewreligiousspecialtywhichtheWesternmissionaryistryingtoputonthemarket，beforeinvestinginit。Hewouldgetaverdict。
Lovetoyouall！
AlwaysYoursMARK。
Howellswrotethathewasgoingonareading-tour-dreadingit，ofcourse-andaskingforanyadvicethatClemensfeltqualifiedtogive。Naturally，Clemensgavehimthelatesthehadinstock，withoutrealizing，perhaps，thathewasrecommendinganindividualpracticewhichfewwouldbelikelytoimitate。Nevertheless，whathesaysisinteresting。
ToW。D。Howells，inAmerica：
SANNA，SWEDEN，Sept。26，”99。
DEARHOWELLS，——Getyourlecturebyheart——itwillpayyou。IlearnedatrickinVienna——byaccident——whichIwishIhadlearnedyearsago。I
meanttoreadfromaTauchnitz，becauseIknewIhadn”twellmemorizedthepieces；andIcameonwiththebookandreadafewsentences，thenrememberedthatthesketchneededafewwordsofexplanatoryintroduction；andso，loweringthebookandnowandthenunconsciouslyusingittogesturewith，Italkedtheintroduction，andithappenedtocarrymeintothesketchitself，andthenIwenton，pretendingthatI
wasmerelytalkingextraneousmatterandwouldcometothesketchpresently。Itwasabeautifulsuccess。Iknewthesubstanceofthesketchandthetellingphrasesofit；andso，thethrowingoftherestofitintoinformaltalkasIwentalonglimbereditupandgaveitthesnapandgoandfreshnessofanimpromptu。Iwastoreadseveralpieces，andIplayedthesamegamewithallofthem，andalwaystheaudiencethoughtIwasbeingremindedofoutsidethingsandthrowingthemin，andwasgoingtoholdupthebookandbeginonthesketchpresently——andsoI
alwaysgotthroughthesketchbeforetheywereentirelysurethatithadbegun。IdidthesamethinginBudapestandhadthesamegoodtimeoveragain。It”sanewdodge，andthebestonethatwaseverinvented。Tryit。You”llneverloseyouraudience——notevenforamoment。Theirattentionisfixed，andneverwavers。AndthatisnotthecasewhereonereadsfrombookorMS。，orwherehestandsupwithoutanoteandfranklyexposesthefact，byhisconfidentmannerandsmoothphrasing，thatheisnotimprovising，butrecitingfrommemory。Andintheheatoftellingathingthatismemorisedinsubstanceonly，oneflashesoutthehappiestsuddenly-begottenphraseseverynowandthen！Tryit。Suchaphrasehasalifeandsparkleaboutitthattwiceasgoodaonecouldnotexhibitifpreparedbeforehand，andit“fetches“anaudienceinsuchanenthusingandinspiringandupliftingwaythatthatluckyphrasebreedsanotherone，sure。
YourSeptemberinstalment——[“TheirSilverWeddingjourney。”]——wasdelicious——everywordofit。Youhaven”tlostanyofyoursplendidart。
Callershavearrived。
WithloveMARK。
“Yes，“wroteHowells，“ifIwereagreathistrionicartistlikeyouIwouldgetmypooressaysbyheart，andrecitethem，butbeingwhatIamIshoulddothethingsolifelesslythatIhadbetterrecognisetheirdeadnessfranklyandreadthem。”
FromViennaClemenshadcontributedtotheCosmopolitan，thenownedbyJohnBrisbenWalker，hisfirstarticleonChristianScience。ItwasadeliciousbitofhumorandfoundsuchenthusiasticappreciationthatWalkerwasmovedtosendanadditional$200checkinpaymentforit。Thisbroughtpromptacknowledgment。
ToJohnBrisbenWalker，inIrvington，N。Y。：
LONDON，Oct。19，”99
DEARMR。WALKER，——Bygraciousbutyouhaveatalentformakingamanfeelproudandgood！Tosayacomplimentwellisahighart——andfewpossessit。Youknowhowtodoit，andwhenyouconfirmitssinceritywithahandsomechequethelimitisreachedandcomplimentcannohighergo。
Iliketoworkforyou：whenyoudon”tapproveanarticleyousayso，recognizingthatIamnotachildandcanstandit；andwhenyouapproveanarticleIdon”thavetodickerwithyouasifIraisedpeanutsandyoukeptastand；IknowIshallgeteverypennythearticleisworth。
Youhavegivenmeverygreatpleasure，andIthankyouforit。
SincerelyYoursS。L。CLEMENS。
OnthesamedayhesentwordtoHowellsofthegoodluckwhichnowseemedtobecominghisway。TheJoanofArcintroductionwasthesamethattodayappearsinhiscollectedworksunderthetitleofSaintJoanofArc。
ToW。D。Howells，inNewYork：
LONDON，Oct。19，”99。
DEARHOWELLS，——My，it”saluckyday！——ofthesortwhenitneverrainsbutitpours。Iwastowriteanintroductiontoanoblerbook——theEnglishtranslationoftheOfficialRecordunabridgedoftheTrialsandRehabilitationofJoanofArc，andmakealotoffootnotes。IwrotetheintroductioninSweden，andhereafewdaysagoItoreloosefromataleIamwriting，andtooktheMSbookandwentatthegrindofnote-making——afearfuljobforamannotusedtoit。ThismorningbroughtanotefrommyexcellentfriendMurray，arichEnglishmanwhoeditsthetranslation，saying，“Nevermindthenotes——we”llmakethetranslatorsdothem。”Thatwascomfortandjoy。
ThesamemailbroughtanotefromCanonWilberforce，askingmetotalkJoanofArcinhisdrawing-roomtotheDukesandEarlsandM。P。”s——
whichwouldfetchmeoutofmyseclusionandintoprint，andIcouldn”thavethat，andsoofcourseImustrundowntotheAbbeyandexplain——
andloseanhour。JustthencameMurrayandsaid“Leavethattome——I”llgoanddotheexplainingandputthethingoff3months；youwriteanoteandtellhimIamcoming。”
WhichIdid，later。Wilberforcecarriedoffmyhatfromalunchpartylastsummer，andinto-day”snotehesaidhewouldn”tstealmynewhatthistime。InmynoteIsaidIcouldn”tmakethedrawing-roomtalk，now——Murraywouldexplain；andaddedaP。S。：“Youmustn”tthinkitisbecauseIamafraidtotrustmyhatinyourreachagain，forIassureyouuponhonoritisn”t。Ishouldbringmyoldone。”
IhadsuggestedtoMurrayafortnightago，thathegetsomebiggunstowriteintroductorymonographsforthebook。
MissX，Joan”sVoicesandProphecies。
TheLordChiefJusticeofEngland，thelegalprodigieswhichsheperformedbeforeherjudges。
LordRoberts，hermilitarygenius。
Kipling，herpatriotism。
Andsoon。WhenhecamethismorninghesaidhehadcapturedMissX；
thatLordRobertsandKiplingweregoingtotakeholdandseeiftheycoulddomonographsworthyofthebook。Hehadn”truntheotherstocoveryet，butwasontheirtrack。Verygoodnews。Itisagrandbook，andisentitledtothebesteffortsofthebestpeople。Asforme，I
tookpainswithmyIntroduction，andIadmitthatitisnoslouchofaperformance。
ThenIcamedowntoChatto”s，andfoundyouralltoobeautifulletter，andwasliftedhigherthanever。NextcamelettersfromAmericaproperlyglorifyingmyChristianSciencearticleintheCosmopolitanandoneroundlyabusingit，andaletterfromJohnBrisbenWalkerenclosing$200
additionalpayforthearticlehehadalreadypaidenough，butIdidn”tmentionthat——whichwasn”trightofme，forthisisthesecondtimehehasdonesuchathing，whereasGilderhasdoneitonlyonceandnooneelseever。ImakenopriceswithWalkerandGilder——Icantrustthem。
AndlastofallcamealetterfromM。HowIdowishthatmanwasinhell。Even-thebriefestlinefromthatidiotputsmeinarage。
Butonthewholeithasbeenadelightfulday，andwithM——inhellitwouldhavebeenperfect。Butthatwillhappen，andIcanwait。
Ah，ifIcouldlookintotheinsideofpeopleasyoudo，andputitonpaper，andinventthingsforthemtodoandsay，andtellhowtheysaidit，Icouldwritsafineandreadablebooknow，forI”vegotaprimesubject。I”vewritten30，000wordsofitandsatisfiedmyselfthatthestuffisthere；soIamgoingtodiscardthatMSandbeginalloveragainandhaveagoodtimewithit。
Oh，Iknowhowyoufeel！I”vebeeninhellmyself。Youaretheretonight。Bydifferenceintimeyouareatluncheon，now——andnoteatingit。Nothingissolonesomeasgaddingaroundplatforming。Ihavedeclined45lecturesto-day-EnglandandScotland。Iwantedthemoney，butnotthetorture：Goodlucktoyou！——andrepentance。
WithlovetoallofyouMARK。
LETTERSOF1900，MAINLYTOTWICHELL。THEBOERWAR。BOXERTROUBLES。
THERETURNTOAMERICA
TheNewYearfoundClemensstillinLondon，chieflyinterestedinosteopathyandcharacteristicallyglorifyingthepracticeattheexpenseofotherhealingmethods。
ToRev。J。H。Twichell，inHartford：
LONDON，Jan。8，1900。
DEARJOE，——MentalTelepathyhasscoredanother。MentalTelegraphywillbegreatlyrespectedacenturyhence。
BytheaccidentofwritingmysisteranddescribingtohertheremarkablecuresmadebyKellgrenwithhishandsandwithoutdrugs，Ibroughtuponmyselfaquitestunningsurprise；forshewrotetomethatshehadbeentakingthisverytreatmentinBuffalo——andthatitwasanAmericaninvention。
Well，itdoesreallyturnoutthatDr。Still，inthemiddleofKansas，inavillage，begantoexperimentin1874，onlyfiveyearsafterKellgrenbeganthesameworkobscurelyinthevillageofGotha，inGermany。Dr。
Stillseemstobeanhonestman；thereforeIampersuadedthatKellgrenmovedhimtohisexperimentsbyMentalTelegraphyacrosssixhoursoflongitude，withoutneedofawire。BythetimeStillbegantoexperiment，KellgrenhadcompletedhisdevelopmentoftheprinciplesofhissystemandestablishedhimselfinagoodpracticeinLondon——1874——
andwasingoodshapetoconveyhisdiscoverytoKansas，MentalTelegraphically。
Yes，Iwasgreatlysurprisedtofindthatmymare”snestwasmuchinarrears：thatthisnewsciencewaswellknowninAmericaunderthenameofOsteopathy。Sincethen，Ifindthatinthepast3yearsithasgotitselflegalizedin14Statesinspiteoftheoppositionofthephysicians；thatithasestablished20Osteopathicschoolsandcolleges；
thatamongitsstudentsare75allopathicphysicians；thatthereisaschoolinBostonandanotherinPhiladelphia，thatthereareabout100
studentsintheparentcollegeDr。Still”satKirksville，Missouri，andthatthereareabout2，000graduatespracticinginAmerica。Dearme，therearenot30inEurope。Europeissosunkinsuperstitionsandprejudicesthatitisanalmostimpossiblethingtogethertodoanythingbutscoffatanewthing——unlessitcomefromabroad；aswitnessthetelegraph，dentistry，&c。
PresentlytheOsteopathwillcomeoverherefromAmericaandwillsoonmakehimselfapowerthatmustberecognizedandreckonedwith；andthen，25yearsfromnow，Englandwillbegintoclaimtheinventionandtellallaboutitsorigin，intheCyclopediaB——asinthecaseofthetelegraph，appliedanaestheticsandtheotherbenefactionswhichsheheapedherabuseuponwhenherinventorsfirstofferedthemtoher。
IcannothelpfeelingratherinordinatelyproudofAmericaforthegayandheartywayinwhichshetakesholdofanynewthingthatcomesalongandgivesitafirstratetrial。ManyanassinAmerica，isgettingadealofbenefitoutofX-Science”snewexploitationofanage-oldhealingprinciple——faith，combinedwiththepatient”simagination——letitboomalong！Ihavenoobjection。Letthemcallitbywhatnametheychoose，solongasitdoeshelpfulworkamongtheclasswhichisnumericallyvastlythelargestbulkofthehumanrace，i。e。thefools，theidiots，thepudd”nheads。
Wedonotguess，weknowthat9in10ofthespeciesarepudd”nheads。
Weknowitbyvariousevidences；andoneofthemis，thatforagestheracehasrespectedandalmostveneratedthephysician”sgrotesquesystem——theemptyingofmiscellaneousandharmfuldrugsintoaperson”sstomachtoremoveailmentswhichinmanycasesthedrugscouldnotreachatall；inmanycasescouldreachandhelp，butonlyatcostofdamagetosomeotherpartoftheman；andintheremainderofthecasesthedrugeitherretardedthecure，orthediseasewascuredbynatureinspiteofthenostrums。Thedoctor”sinsanesystemhasnotonlybeenpermittedtocontinueitsfolliesforages，buthasbeenprotectedbytheStateandmadeaclosemonopoly——aninfamousthing，acrimeagainstafree-man”sproperrighttochoosehisownassassinorhisownmethodofdefendinghisbodyagainstdiseaseanddeath。
Andyetatthesametime，withcuriousandsenileinconsistency，theStatehasallowedthemantochoosehisownassassin——inonedetail——thepatent-medicinedetail——makingitselftheprotectorofthatperilousbusiness，collectingmoneyoutofit，andappointingnocommitteeofexpertstoexaminethemedicinesandforbidthemwhenextradangerous。
Really，whenamancanprovethatheisnotajackass，Ithinkheisinthewaytoprovethatheisnolegitimatememberoftherace。
Ihavebymealistof52humanailments——commonones——andinthislistI
count19whichthephysician”sartcannotcure。Butthereisn”tonewhichOsteopathyorKellgrencannotcure，ifthepatientcomesearly。
FifteenyearsagoIhadadeepreverenceforthephysicianandthesurgeon。But6monthsofcloselywatchingtheKellgrenbusinesshasrevolutionizedallthat，andnowIhaveneitherreverencenorrespectforthephysician”strade，andscarcelyanyforthesurgeon”s，——Iamconvincedthatofallquackeries，thephysician”sisthegrotesquestandthesilliest。Andtheyknowtheyareshamsandhumbugs。Theyhavetakentheplaceofthoseaugurswhocouldn”tlookeachotherinthefacewithoutlaughing。
Seewhatapowerfulholdourancientsuperstitionshaveuponus：twoweeksago，whenLivycommittedanincredibleimprudenceandbyconsequencewaspromptlystrickendownwithaheavytripleattack——
influenza，bronchitis，andalungaffected——sherecognizedthegravityofthesituation，andheroldsuperstitionsrose：shethoughtsheoughttosendforadoctor——Thinkofit——thelastmanintheworldIshouldwantaroundatsuchatime。OfcourseIdidnotsayno——notthatIwasindisposedtotaketheresponsibility，forIwasnot，mynotionofadangerousresponsibilitybeingquitetheotherway——butbecauseitisunsafetodistressasickperson；Ionlysaidweknewnogooddoctor，anditcouldnotbegoodpolicytochooseathazard；sosheallowedmetosendforKellgren。To-daysheisupandaround-Lured。Itissafetosaythatpersonshitinthesamewayatthesametimeareinbedyet，andbookedtostaythereagoodwhile，andtobeinashacklyconditionandafraidoftheirshadowsforacoupleofyearsormoretocome。
ItwillbeseenbytheforegoingthatMarkTwain”sinterestintheKellgrensystemwasstillanardentone。Indeed，foratimehegavemostofhisthoughttoit，andwroteseverallongappreciations，perhapswithlittleideaofpublication，butmerelytogethisenthusiasmphysicallyexpressed。War，however，presentlysupplantedmedicine——theBoertroublesinSouthAfricaandtheBoxerinsurrectioninChina。Itwasadisturbing，excitingyear。
ToW。D。Howells，inBoston：
WELLINGTONCOURT，KNIGHTSBRIDGE，Jan。25，1900。
DEARHOWELLS，——IfyougothalfasmuchasPondprophesied，becontentandpraiseGod——ithasnothappenedtoanother。ButIamsorryhedidn”tgowithyou；foritismarveloustohearhimyarn。Heisgoodcompany，cheeryandhearty，andhismillisneveridle。Yourdoingalecturetourwasheroic。Itwasthehighestorderofgrit，andyouhavearighttobeproudofyourself。Nomountofapplauseormoneyorbothcouldsaveitfrombeingahelltoamanconstitutedasyouare。Itisthateventome，whoammadeofcoarserstuff。
Iknewtheaudienceswouldcomeforwardandshakehandswithyou——thatoneinfalliblesignofsincereapproval。Inallmylife，whereveritfailedmeIleftthehallsickandashamed，knowingwhatitmeant。
Privatelyspeaking，thisisasordidandcriminalwar，andineverywayshamefulandexcuseless。EverydayIwriteinmyheadbittermagazinearticlesaboutit，butIhavetostopwiththat。ForEnglandmustnotfall；itwouldmeananinundationofRussianandGermanpoliticaldegradationswhichwouldenveloptheglobeandsteepitinasortofMiddle-AgenightandslaverywhichwouldlasttillChristcomesagain。
Evenwrong——andsheiswrong——Englandmustbeupheld。Heisanenemyofthehumanracewhoshallspeakagainsthernow。Whywasthehumanracecreated？Oratleastwhywasn”tsomethingcreditablecreatedinplaceofit。Godhadhisopportunity。Hecouldhavemadeareputation。Butno，Hemustcommitthisgrotesquefolly——alarkwhichmusthavecosthimaregretortwowhenHecametothinkitoverandobserveeffects。Foragiddyandunbecomingcapricetherehasbeennothinglikeittillthiswar。Italkthewarwithbothsides——alwayswaitinguntiltheothermanintroducesthetopic。ThenIsay“MyheadiswiththeBriton，butmyheartandsuchragsofmoralsasIhavearewiththeBoer——nowwewilltalk，unembarrassedandwithoutprejudice。”Andsowediscuss，andhavenotrouble。
Jan。26。
Itwasmyintentiontomakesomedisparagingremarksaboutthehumanrace；andsoIkeptthisletteropenforthatpurpose，andforthepurposeoftellingmydream，whereintheTrinityweretryingtoguessaconundrum，butIcandobetter——forIcansnipoutofthe“Times“varioussamplesandside-lightswhichbringtheracedowntodate，andexposeitasofyesterday。Ifyouwillnotice，thereisseldomatelegraminapaperwhichfailstoshowuponeormoremembersandbeneficiariesofourCivilizationaspromenadinginhisshirt-tail，withtherestofhisregaliainthewash。
Ilovetoseetheholyonesairtheirsmugpietiesandadmirethemandsmirkoverthem，andatthesamemomentfranklyandpubliclyshowtheircontemptforthepietiesoftheBoer——confidentlyexpectingtheapprovalofthecountryandthepulpit，andgettingit。
InoticethatGodisonbothsidesinthiswar；thushistoryrepeatsitself。ButIamtheonlypersonwhohasnoticedthis；everybodyherethinksHeisplayingthegameforthisside，andforthissideonly。
WithgreatlovetoyouallMARK。
OnecannothelpwonderingwhatMarkTwainwouldhavethoughtofhumannaturehadhelivedtoseethegreatWorldWar，foughtmainlybytheChristiannationswhofornearlytwothousandyearshadbeenpreachingpeaceonearthandgoodwilltowardmen。Buthisopinionoftheracecouldhardlyhavebeenworsethanitwas。Andnothingthathumanbeingscoulddowouldhavesurprisedhim。
ToRev。J。H。Twichell，inHartford：
LONDON，Jan。27，1900。
DEARJOE，——ApparentlywearenotproposingtosettheFilipinosfreeandgivetheirislandstothem；andapparentlywearenotproposingtohangthepriestsandconfiscatetheirproperty。Ifthesethingsareso，thewarouttherehasnointerestforme。
IhavejustbeenexaminingchapterLXXof“FollowingtheEquator，“toseeiftheBoer”soldmilitaryeffectivenessisholdingout。Itreadscuriouslyasifithadbeenwrittenaboutthepresentwar。
IbelievethatinthenextchaptermynotionoftheBoerwasrightlyconceived。Heispopularlycalleduncivilized，Idonotknowwhy。
Happiness，food，shelter，clothing，wholesalelabor，modestandrationalambitions，honesty，kindliness，hospitality，loveoffreedomandlimitlesscouragetofightforit，composureandfortitudeintimeofdisaster，patienceintimeofhardshipandprivation，absenceofnoiseandbragintimeofvictory，contentmentwithahumbleandpeacefullifevoidofinsaneexcitements——ifthereisahigherandbetterformofcivilizationthanthis，Iamnotawareofitanddonotknowwheretolookforit。Isupposewehavethehabitofimaginingthatalotofartistic，intellectualandotherartificialitiesmustbeadded，oritisn”tcomplete。WeandtheEnglishhavetheselatter；butaswelackthegreatbulkoftheseothers，IthinktheBoercivilizationisthebestofthetwo。Myideaofourcivilizationisthatitisashabbypoorthingandfullofcruelties，vanities，arrogancies，meannesses，andhypocrisies。Asfortheword，Ihatethesoundofit，foritconveysalie；andasforthethingitself，Iwishitwasinhell，whereitbelongs。
Providedwecouldgetsomethingbetterintheplaceofit。Butthatisnotpossible，perhaps。Poorasitis，itisbetterthanrealsavagery，thereforewemuststandbyit，extendit，andinpublicpraiseit。
AndsowemustnotutteranyhatefulwordaboutEnglandinthesedays，norfailtohopethatshewillwininthiswar，forherdefeatandfallwouldbeanirremediabledisasterforthemangyhumanrace……Naturally，then，IamforEngland；butsheisprofoundlyinthewrong，Joe，andnoinstructedEnglishmandoubtsit。Atleastthatismybelief。
MaybeImanagedtomakemyselfmisunderstood，astotheOsteopathists。
Iwantedtoknowhowthemenimpressyou。AstotheirArt，Iknowfairlywellaboutthat，andshouldnotvalueHartford”sopinionofit；noraphysician”s；northatofanotherwhoproposedtoenlightenmeoutofhisignorance。Opinionsbasedupontheory，superstitionandignorancearenotveryprecious。
Livyandtheothersareoffforthecountryforadayortwo。
LovetoyouallMARK。
Thenextletteraffordsapleasantvariation。Withoutdoubtitwaswrittenonrealizingthatgoodnatureandenthusiasmhadledhimintoindiscretion。Thiswasalwayshappeningtohim，andletterslikethisarenotinfrequent，thoughgenerallylessentertaining。
ToMr。Ann，inLondon：
WELLINGTONCOURT，Feb。23，”00。
DEARMR。ANN，——Uponsobersecondthought，itwon”tdo！——Iwithdrawthatletter。NotbecauseIsaidanythinginitwhichisnottrue，forI
didn”t；butbecausewhenIallowmynametobeusedinforwardingastock-schemeIamassumingacertaindegreeofresponsibilityastowardtheinvestor，andIamnotwillingtodothat。Ihaveanotherobjection，apurelyselfishone：tradinguponmyname，whethertheenterprisescoredasuccessorafailurewoulddamageme。Ican”taffordthat；eventheArchbishopofCanterburycouldn”taffordit，andhehasmorecharactertosparethanIhave。Ah，ahappythought！Ifhewouldsigntheletterwithmethatwouldchangethewholecomplexionofthething，ofcourse。
Idonotknowhim，yetIwouldsignanycommercialschemethathewouldsign。Ashedoesnotknowme，itfollowsthathewouldsignanythingthatIwouldsign。Thisisunassailablelogic——butreallythatisallthatcanbesaidforit。
No，Iwithdrawtheletter。Thisvirginispureuptodate，andisgoingtoremainso。
Yssincerely，S。L。C。
ToRev。J。H。Twichell，inHartford：
WELLINGTONCOURT，KNIGHTSBRIDGE，Mch。4，”00。
DEARJOE，——HenryRobinson”sdeathisasharpwoundtome，anditgoesverydeep。Ihadastrongaffectionforhim，andIthinkhehadforme。
EveryFriday，three-fourthsoftheyearfor16yearshewasofthebilliard-partyinourhouse。Whenwecomehome，howshallwehavebilliard-nightsagain——withnoNedBunceandnoHenryRobinson？
IbelieveIcouldnotendurethat。Wemustfindanotheruseforthatroom。Susyisgone，Georgeisgone，LibbyHamersley，NedBunce，HenryRobinson。Thefriendsarepassing，onebyone；ourhouse，wheresuchwarmbloodandsuchdearbloodflowedsofreely，isbecomeacemetery。
Butnotinanyrepellentsense。Ourdeadarewelcomethere；theirlifemadeitbeautiful，theirdeathhashallowedit，weshallhavethemwithusalways，andtherewillbenoparting。
ItwasamovingaddressyoumadeoverWardCheney——thatfortunate，youth！
LikeSusy，hegotoutoflifeallthatwasworththeliving，andgothisgreatrewardbeforehehadcrossedthetropicfrontierofdreamsandenteredtheSaharaoffact。ThedeepconsciousnessofSusy”sgoodfortuneisaconstantcomforttome。
Londonishappy-heartedatlast。TheBritishvictorieshavesweptthecloudsawayandtherearenouncheerfulfaces。ForthreemonthstheprivatedinnerpartieswegotonopubliconeshavebeenLodgesofSorrow，andjustalittledepressingsometimes；butnowtheyaresmileyandanimatedagain。Joe，doyouknowtheIrishgentlemanandtheIrishlady，theScotchgentlemanandtheScotchlady？Thesearedarlings，everyone。NightbeforelastitwasallIrish——24。Onewouldhavetotravelfartomatchtheireaseandsociabilityandanimationandsparkleandabsenceofshynessandself-consciousness。
ItwasAmericaninthesefinequalities。ThiswasatMr。Lecky”s。HeisIrish，youknow。LastnightitwasIrishagain，atLadyGregory”s。LordRobertsisIrish；andSirWilliamButler；andKitchener，Ithink；andadisproportionoftheotherprominentGeneralsareofIrishandScotchbreed-keepingupthetraditionsofWellington，andSirColinCampbelloftheMutiny。YouwillhavenoticedthatinS。A。asintheMutiny，itisusuallytheIrishandtheScotchthatareplacedinthefore-frontofthebattle。AnIrishfriendofminesaysthisisbecausetheKeltsareidealists，andenthusiasts，withage-oldheroismstoemulateandkeepbrightbeforetheworld；butthatthelow-classEnglishmanisdullandwithoutideals，fightingbull-doggishlywhilehehasaleader，butlosinghisheadandgoingtopieceswhenhisleaderfalls——notsowiththeKelt。
SirWm。Butlersaid“theKeltisthespear-headoftheBritishlance。”
Lovetoyouall。
MARK。
TheHenryRobinsonmentionedintheforegoingletterwasHenryC。
Robinson，one-timeGovernorofConnecticut，longadearandintimatefriendoftheClemenshousehold。“Lecky“wasW。E。H。Lecky，theIrishhistorianwhoseHistoryofEuropeanMoralshadbeen，formanyyears，oneofMarkTwain”sfavoritebooks：
InJulytheClemensesleftthesmallapartmentat30WellingtonCourtandestablishedasummerhouseholdalittlewayoutofLondon，atDollisHill。To-daytheplacehasbeengiventothepublicunderthenameofGladstonePark，socalledforthereasonthatinanearliertimeGladstonehadfrequentlyvisitedthere。Itwasabeautifulspot，aplaceofgreengrassandspreadingoaks。InaletterinwhichMrs。Clemenswrotetohersistershesaid：“Itissimplydivinelybeautifulandpeaceful；thegreat，oldtreesarebeyondeverything。IbelievenowhereintheworlddoyoufindsuchtreesasinEngland。”ClemenswrotetoTwichell：“Fromthehouseyoucanseelittlebutspaciousstretchesofhay-fieldsandgreenturf……Yetthemassed，brickblocksofLondonarereachableinthreeminutesonahorse。ByrailwecanbeintheheartofLondon，inBakerStreet，inseventeenminutes——byasmarttraininfive。”
Mail，however，wouldseemtohavebeenlessprompt。
TotheEditoroftheTimes，inLondon：
SIR，——IthasoftenbeenclaimedthattheLondonpostalservicewasswifterthanthatofNewYork，andIhavealwaysbelievedthattheclaimwasjustified。Butadoubthaslatelysprungupinmymind。IliveeightmilesfromPrintingHouseSquare；theTimesleavesthatpointat4
o”clockinthemorning，bymail，andreachesmeat5intheafternoon，thusmakingthetripinthirteenhours。
ItismyconvictionthatinNewYorkweshoulddoitineleven。
C。
DOLLISHILL，N。W。
ToRev。J。H。Twichell，inHartford：
DOLLISHILLHOUSE，KILBURN，N。W。
LONDON，Aug。12，”00。
DEARJOE，——TheSagesProf。FiskeandBranderMatthewswereoutheretoteaaweekagoanditwasabreathofAmericanairtoseethem。Wefurnishedthemabrightdayandcomfortableweather——andtheyuseditallup，intheirextravagantAmericanway。Sincethenwehavesatbycoalfires，evenings。
WeshallsailforhomesometimeinOctober，butshallwinterinNewYorkwherewecanhaveanosteopathofgoodreputetocontinuetheworkofputtingthisfamilyinpropercondition。
LivyandIdinedwiththeChiefjusticeamonthagoandhewasaswell-
conditionedasanathlete。
ItisallChina，now，andmysympathiesarewiththeChinese。TheyhavebeenvillainouslydealtwithbythesceptredthievesofEurope，andI
hopetheywilldrivealltheforeignersoutandkeepthemoutforgood。
Ionlywishit；ofcourseIdon”treallyexpectit。
Why，hangit，itoccurstomethatbythetimewereachNewYorkyouTwichellswillbeinvadingEuropeandoncemoreweshallmisstheconnection。Thisisthoroughlyexasperating。Aren”tweevergoingtomeetagain？
Withnoendoflovefromallofus，MARK。
P。S。Aug。18。
DEARJOE，——Itis7。30a。m。Ihavebeenwakingveryearly，lately。Ifitoccursoncemore，itwillbehabit；thenIwillsubmitandadoptit。
Thisisourdayofmourning。ItisfouryearssinceSusydied；itisfiveyearsandamonththatIsawheraliveforthelasttime-throwingkissesatusfromtherailwayplatformwhenwestartedWestaroundtheworld。
Sometimesitisacentury；sometimesitwasyesterday。
WithloveMARK。
WediscoverintheforegoingletterthatthelongEuropeanresidencewasdrawingtoanend。MorethannineyearshadpassedsincetheclosingoftheHartfordhouse——eventfulyearsthathadseenfailure，bereavement，battlewithdebt，andrehabilitatedfortunes。Allthefamilywereanxioustogethome——MarkTwainmostanxiousofall。
TheyclosedDollisHillHouseneartheendofSeptember，andputupforabriefperiodatafamilyhotel，anamusingpictureofwhichfollows。
ToJ。Y。M。MacAlister，inLondon：
Sep。1900。
MYDEARMACALISTER，——WedoreallystartnextSaturday。Imeanttosailearlier，butwaitedtofinishsomestudiesofwhatarecalledFamilyHotels。TheyareaLondonspecialty，Godhasnotpermittedthemtoexistelsewhere；theyareramshackleclubswhichweredwellingsatthetimeoftheHeptarchy。DoverandAlbemarleStreetsarefilledwiththem。Theoncespaciousroomsaresplitupintocoopswhichaffordasmuchdiscomfortascanbehadanywhereoutofjailforanymoney。Allthemoderninconveniencesarefurnished，andsomethathavebeenobsoleteforacentury。Thepricesareastonishinglyhighforwhatyouget。Thebedroomsarehospitalsforincurablefurniture。Ifinditsointhisone。Theyexistuponatradition；theyrepresentthevanishinghome-likeinnoffiftyyearsago，andaremistakenbyforeignersforit。SomequiterespectableEnglishmenstillfrequentthemthroughinheritedhabitandarresteddevelopment；manyAmericansalso，throughignoranceandsuperstition。TheroomsareasinterestingastheTowerofLondon，butolderIthink。Olderanddearer。TheliftwasagiftofWilliamtheConqueror，someofthebedsareprehistoric。Theyrepresentgeologicalperiods。Mineistheoldest。ItisformedinstrataofOldRedSandstone，volcanictufa，ignisfatuus，andbicarbonateofhornblende，superimposeduponargillaceousshale，andcontainstheprintsofprehistoricman。ItisinNo。149。Thousandsofscientistscometoseeit。Theyconsideritholy。Theywanttoblastouttheprintsbutcannot。Dynamitereboundsfromit。
FinishedstudiesandsailSaturdayinMinnehaha。
Yourseveraffectionately，MARKTWAIN。
TheysailedforNewYorkOctober6th，andsomethingmorethanaweeklaterAmericagavethemaroyalwelcome。Thepress，farandwide，soundedMarkTwain”spraisesoncemore；dinnersandreceptionswereofferedoneveryhand；editorsandlectureagentsclamoredforhim。
ThefamilysettledintheEarlingtonHotelduringaperiodofhouse-
hunting。TheyhopedeventuallytoreturntoHartford，butafterabriefvisitpaidbyClemensalonetotheoldplacehewrote：
ToSylvesterBaxter，inBoston：
NEWYORK，Oct。26，1900。
DEARMR。BAXTER，——Itwasagreatpleasuretometorenewtheotherdayswithyou，andtherewasapatheticpleasureinseeingHartfordandthehouseagain；butIrealizethatifweeverenterthehouseagaintolive，ourheartswillbreak。Iamnotsurethatweshalleverbestrongenoughtoendurethatstrain。
Sincerelyyours，S。L。CLEMENS。
Mr。andMrs。Rogerswishedtohavethemintheirneighborhood，butthehousestherewerenotsuitable，orweretooexpensive。ThroughMr。FrankDoubledaytheyeventuallyfound，at14WestTenthStreet，alargeresidencehandsomelyfurnished，andthistheyengagedforthewinter。“Wewereluckytogetthisbighousefurnished，“hewroteMacAlisterinLondon。“Therewasnotanotheroneintownprocurablethatwouldanswerus，butthisoneisallright——spaceenoughinitforseveralfamilies，theroomsallold-fashioned，greatsize。”
ThelittlenotethatfollowsshowsthatMarkTwainhadnotentirelyforgottenthedaysofTomSawyerandHuckFinn。
ToaNeighboronWestTenthStreet，NewYork：
Nov。30。
DEARMADAM，——IknowIoughttorespectmydutyandperformit，butIamweakandfaithlesswhereboysareconcerned，andIcan”thelpsecretlyapprovingprettybadandnoisyones，thoughIdoobjecttothekindthatringdoor-bells。Myfamilytrytogetmetostoptheboysfromholdingconventionsonthefrontsteps，butIbaselyshirkoutofit，becauseI
thinktheboysenjoyit。
MywifehasbeencomplainingtomethiseveningabouttheboysonthefrontstepsandundercompulsionIhavemadesomepromises。ButIamveryforgetful，nowthatIamold，andmysenseofdutyisgettingspongy。
Verytrulyyours，S。L。CLEMENS。
EndLettersVol。5
byMarkTwainVOLUMEV。
MARKTWAIN”SLETTERS1901-1906
XL
LETTERSOF1901，CHIEFLYTOTWICHELL。MARKTWAINASAREFORMER。
SUMMERATSARANAC。ASSASSINATIONOFPRESIDENTMcKINLEY
AneditorialintheLouisvilleCourier-Journal，earlyin1901，said：
“Aremarkabletransformation，orratheradevelopment，hastakenplaceinMarkTwain。Thegenialhumoristoftheearlierdayisnowareformerofthevigorouskind，asortofknighterrantwhodoesnothesitatetobreakalancewitheitherChurchorStateifhethinkstheminterposingonthatbroadhighwayoverwhichhebelievesnotapartbutthewholeofmankindhastheprivilegeofpassingintheonwardmarchoftheages。”
MarkTwainhadbegun“breakingthelance“verysoonafterhisreturnfromEurope。Hedidnotbelievethathecouldreformtheworld，butatleastheneednotwithholdhisprotestagainstthosethingswhichstirredhiswrath。Hebeganbycausingthearrestofacabmanwhohadnotonlyoverchargedbutinsultedhim；hecontinuedbywritingopenlyagainsttheAmericanpolicyinthePhilippines，themissionarypropagandawhichhadresultedintheChineseuprisingandmassacre，andagainstTammanypolitics。Notallofhiseffortswereinthelineofreform；hehadbecomeasortofgeneralspokesmanwhichthepublicflockedtohear，whateverthesubject。OntheoccasionofaLincolnBirthdayserviceatCarnegieHallhewaschosentopreside，andhewasobligedtoattendmoredinnersthanweregoodforhishealth。HislettersofthisperiodweremainlywrittentohisoldfriendTwichell，inHartford。Howells，wholivedinNewYork，hesawwithconsiderablefrequency。
IntheletterwhichfollowsthemedicinewhichTwichellwastotakewasPlasmon，anEnglishproprietaryremedyinwhichMarkTwainhadinvested——apanaceaforallhumanillswhichosteopathycouldnotreach。
ToRev。JosephTwichell，inHartford：
14W。10THST。Jan。23，”01。
DEARJOE，——Certainly。Iusedtotakeitinmycoffee，butitsettledtothebottomintheformofmud，andIhadtoeatitwithaspoon；soI
droppedthecustomandtookmy2teaspoonfulsincoldmilkafterbreakfast。IfwewereoutofmilkIshoveledthedrypowderintomymouthandwasheditdownwithwater。Theonlyessentialistogetitdown，themethodisnotimportant。
No，blameit，Ican”tgototheAlumnidinner，Joe。Ittakestwodays，andIcan”tsparethetime。MoreoverIpresideattheLincolnbirthdaycelebrationinCarnegieHallFeb。11andImustnotmaketwospeechessoclosetogether。Thinkofit——twooldrebelsfunctioningthere——IasPresident，andWattersonasOratoroftheDay！Thingshavechangedsomewhatinthese40years，thankGod。
Lookhere——whenyoucomedownyoumustbeourguest——we”vegotaroomyroomforyou，andLivywillmaketroubleifyougoelsewhere。Comestraightto14West10th。
Jan。24。LivysaysAmentothat；also，canyougiveusadayortwo”snotice，sotheroomwillbesuretobevacant？
I”mgoingtostickclosetomydeskforamonth，now，hopingtowriteasmallbook。
YsEverMARK
TheletterwhichfollowsisafairsampleofMarkTwain”sprivateviolenceonasubjectwhich，inpublicprint，hecouldonlytreateffectivelybypreservinghisgoodhumor。Whenhefounditnecessarytoboilover，ashedid，nowandthen，forrelief，healwaysfoundawillingaudienceinTwichell。Thementionofhis“PrivatePhilosophy“refersto”WhatIsMan？”，privatelypublishedin1906；reissuedbyhispublishersin1916。
ToRev。J。H。Twichell，inHartford：
14W。10thJan。29，”01。
DEARJOE，——I”mnotexpectinganythingbutkicksforscoffing，andamexpectingadiminutionofmybreadandbutterbyit，butifLivywillletmeIwillhavemysay。Thisnationislikealltheothersthathavebeenspewedupontheearth——readytoshoutforanycausethatwilltickleitsvanityorfillitspocket。Whatahellofaheavenitwillbe，whentheygetallthesehypocritesassembledthere！
Ican”tunderstandit！Youareapublicguideandteacher，Joe，andareunderaheavyresponsibilitytomen，youngandold；ifyouteachyourpeople——asyouteachme——tohidetheiropinionswhentheybelievetheflagisbeingabusedanddishonored，lesttheutterancedothemandapublisheradamage，howdoyouanswerforittoyourconscience？Youaresorryforme；inthefairwayofgiveandtake，Iamwillingtobealittlesorryforyou。
However，IseemtobegoingcountertomyownPrivatePhilosophy——whichLivywon”tallowmetopublish——becauseitwoulddestroyme。ButIhopetoseeitinprintbeforeIdie。Iplannedit15yearsago，andwroteitin”98。I”veoftentriedtoreadittoLivy，butshewon”thaveit；itmakeshermelancholy。Thetruthalwayshasthateffectonpeople。Wouldhave，anyway，iftheyevergotholdofaragofit——Whichtheydon”t。
YouaresupposingthatIamsupposingthatIammovedbyaLargePatriotism，andthatIamdistressedbecauseourPresidenthasblundereduptohisneckinthePhilippinemess；andthatIamgrievedbecausethisgreatbigignorantnation，whichdoesn”tknoweventheABCfactsofthePhilippineepisode，isindisgracebeforethesarcasticworld——dropthatidea！Icarenothingfortherest——IamonlydistressedandtroubledbecauseIambefouledbythesethings。Thatisall。WhenIsearchmyselfawaydowndeep，Ifindthisout。Whateveramanfeelsorthinksordoes，thereisneveranybutonereasonforit——andthatisaselfishone。
Atgreatinconvenience，andexpenseofprecioustimeIwenttothechiefsynagoguetheothernightandtalkedintheinterestofacharityschoolofpoorJewgirls。Iknow——tothefinest，shades——theselfishendsthatmovedme；butnooneelsesuspects。IcouldgiveyouthedetailsifI
hadtime。Youwouldperceivehowtruetheyare。
I”vewrittenanotherarticle；youbetterhurrydownandhelpLivysquelchit。
She”soutpotteringaroundsomewhere，poorhousekeepingslave；andClaraisinthehandsoftheosteopath，gettingthebronchitispulledandhauledoutofher。Itwasabadattack，andalittledisquieting。Itcamedaybeforeyesterday，andshehasn”tsatuptillthisafternoon。
Sheisgettingalongsatisfactorily，now。
Lotsoflovetoyouall。
MARK
MarkTwain”sreligionhadtodochieflywithhumanityinitspresentincarnation，andconcerneditselfverylittlewithanypossiblemeasureofrewardorpunishmentinsomesupposedcourtofthehereafter。Nevertheless，psychicinvestigationalwaysinterestedhim，andhewasgood-naturedlywillingtoexplore，evenhoping，perhaps，tobeconvincedthatindividualitycontinuesbeyonddeath。
Theletterwhichfollowsindicateshiscustomaryattitudeinrelationtospiritualisticresearch。Theexperimentsherementioned，however，werenotsatisfactory。
ToMrs。CharlesMcQuiston：
DOBBSFERRY，N。Y。
March26，1901。
DEARMRS。McQUISTON，——Ihaveneverhadanexperiencewhichmovedmetobelievethelivingcancommunicatewiththedead，butmywifeandIhaveexperimentedinthematterwhenopportunityofferedandshallcontinuetodoso。
Ienclosealetterwhichcamethismorning——thesecondfromthesamesource。Mrs。K——isaMissourian，andlatelyshediscovered，byaccident，thatshewasaremarkablehypnotiser。HerbestsubjectisaMissourigirl，MissWhite，whoistocomeheresoonandsustainstrictlyscientifictestsbeforeprofessorsatColumbiaUniversity。Mrs。ClemensandIintendtobepresent。Andweshallaskthepairtocometoourhousetodowhateverthingstheycando。Meantime，ifyouthoughtwellofit，youmightwriteherandarrangeameeting，tellingheritisbymysuggestionandthatIgaveyouheraddress。
SomeonehastoldmethatMrs。Piperisdiscredited。Icannotbesure，butIthinkitwasMr。Myers，PresidentoftheLondonPsychicalResearchSociety——weheardofhisdeathyesterday。Hewasaspiritualist。Iamafraidhewasaveryeasilyconvincedman。WevisitedtwomediumswhomheandAndrewLangconsideredquitewonderful，buttheywerequitetransparentfrauds。
Mrs。Clemenscorrectsme：Oneofthosewomenwasafraud，theothernotafraud，butonlyaninnocent，well-meaning，drivelingvacancy。
Sincerelyyours，S。L。CLEMENS。
InMarkTwain”sBermudachaptersentitledIdleNotesofanIdleExcursionhetellsofanoldseacaptain，oneHurricaneJones，whoexplainedbiblicalmiraclesinapractical，evenifsomewhatstartling，fashion。InhisstoryoftheprophetsofBaal，forinstance，theoldcaptaindeclaredthattheburningwaterwasnothingmorenorlessthanpetroleum。Uponreadingthe“notes，“
ProfessorPhelpsofYalewrotethatthesamemethodofexplainingmiracleshadbeenofferedbySirThomasBrowne。
PerhapsitmaybeaddedthatCaptainHurricaneJonesalsoappearsinRoughingIt，asCaptainNedBlakely。
ToProfessorWilliamLyonPhelps；
YALEUNIVERSITY，NEWYORK，April24，1901。
MYDEARSIR，——IwasnotawarethatoldSirThomashadanticipatedthatstory，andIammuchobligedtoyouforfurnishingmetheparagraph。
tiscuriousthatthesameideashouldleaveenteredtwoheadssounlikeastheheadofthatwiseoldphilosopherandthatofCaptainNedWakeman，asplendidlyunculturedoldsailor，butinhisownopinionathinkerbydivineright。Hewasanoldfriendofmineofmanyyears”standing；
Imadetwoorthreevoyageswithhim，andfoundhimadarlinginmanyways。Thepetroleumstorywasnottoldtome；hetoldittoJoeTwichell，whoranacrosshimbyaccidentonaseavoyagewhereIthinkthetwoweretheonlypassengers。Adeliciouspair，andadmirablymated，theytooktoeachotheratonceandbecameasthickasthieves。Joewaspassingunderafictitiousname，andoldWakemandidn”tsuspectthathewasaparson；sohegavehisprofanityfullswing，andhewasamasterofthatgreatart。YouprobablyknowTwichell，andwillknowthatthatisakindofrefreshmentwhichheisverycapableofenjoying。
Sincerelyyours，S。L。CLEMENS。
ForthesummerClemensandhisfamilyfoundacomfortablelodgeintheAdirondacks——alogcabincalled“TheLair“——onSaranacLake。
SoonafterhisarrivaltherehereceivedaninvitationtoattendthecelebrationofMissouri”seightiethanniversary。Hesentthefollowingletter：
ToEdwardL。Dimmitt，inSt。Louis：
AMONGTHEADIRONDACKLAKES，July19，1901。
DEARMR。DIMMITT，——Byanerrorintheplans，thingsgowrongendfirstinthisworld，andmuchprecioustimeislostandmattersofurgentimportancearefatallyretarded。Invitationswhichabriskyoungfellowshouldget，andwhichwouldtransporthimwithjoy，aredelayedandimpededandobstructeduntiltheyarefiftyyearsoverduewhentheyreachhim。
Ithashappenedagaininthiscase。
WhenIwasaboyinMissouriIwasalwaysonthelookoutforinvitationsbuttheyalwaysmiscarriedandwentwanderingthroughtheaislesoftime；
andnowtheyarearrivingwhenIamoldandrheumaticandcan”ttravelandmustlosemychance。
Ihavelostaworldofdelightthroughthismatterofdelayinginvitations。FiftyyearsagoIwouldhavegoneeagerlyacrosstheworldtohelpcelebrateanythingthatmightturnup。ITwouldhavemadenodifferencetomewhatitwas，sothatIwasthereandallowedachancetomakeanoise。
Thewholeschemeofthingsisturnedwrongendto。Lifeshouldbeginwithageanditsprivilegesandaccumulations，andendwithyouthanditscapacitytosplendidlyenjoysuchadvantages。Asthingsarenow，wheninyouthadollarwouldbringahundredpleasures，youcan”thaveit。Whenyouareold，yougetitandthereisnothingworthbuyingwithitthen。
It”sanepitomeoflife。Thefirsthalfofitconsistsofthecapacitytoenjoywithoutthechance；thelasthalfconsistsofthechancewithoutthecapacity。
Iamadmonishedinmanywaysthattimeispushingmeinexorablyalong。
Iamapproachingthethresholdofage；in1977Ishallbe142。Thisisnotimetobeflittingabouttheearth。Imustceasefromtheactivitiespropertoyouthandbegintotakeonthedignitiesandgravitiesandinertiapropertothatseasonofhonorablesenilitywhichisonitswayandimminentasindicatedabove。
Yoursisagreatandmemorableoccasion，andasasonofMissouriI
shouldholditahighprivilegetobethereandshareyourjustprideinthestate”sachievements；butImustdenymyselftheindulgence，whilethankingyouearnestlyfortheprizedhonoryouhavedonemeinaskingmetobepresent。
Verytrulyyours，S。L。CLEMENS。
IntheforegoingMarkTwaintouchesupononeofhisfavoritefancies：thatlifeshouldbeginwitholdageandapproachstrongmanhood，goldenyouth，toendatlastwithpamperedandbelovedbabyhood。Possiblyhecontemplatedwritingastorywiththisideaasthetheme，butHeseemsnevertohavedoneso。
ThereaderwhohasfollowedtheselettersmayrememberYungWing，whohadchargeoftheChineseeducationalmissioninHartford，andhowMarkTwain，withTwichell，calledonGeneralGrantinbehalfofthemission。YungWing，nowreturnedtoChina，hadconceivedtheideaofmakinganappealtotheGovernmentoftheUnitedStatesforreliefofhisstarvingcountrymen。
ToJ。H。Twichell，inHartford：
AMPERSAND，N。Y。，July28，”01。
DEARJOE，——Asyousay，itisimpracticable——inmycase，certainly。FormetoassistinanappealtothatCongressofland-thievesandliarswouldbetobringderisionuponit；andformetoassistinanappealforcashtopassthroughthehandsofthosemissionariesoutthere，ofanydenomination，CatholicorProtestant，wouldn”tdoatall。Theywouldn”thandlemoneywhichIhadsoiled，andIwouldn”ttrustthemwithit，anyway。Theywoulddevoteittothereliefofsuffering——Iknowthat——
butthesufferersselectedwouldbeconverts。Themissionary-utterancesexhibitnohumanefeelingtowardtheothers，butinplaceofitaspiritofhateandhostility。Anditisnatural；theBibleforbidstheirpresencethere，theirtradeisunlawful，whyshouldn”ttheircharactersbeofnecessityinharmonywith——butnevermind，letitgo，itirritatesme。
Later……IhavebeenreadingYungWing”sletteragain。Itmaybethatheisover-wroughtbyhissympathies，butitmaynotbeso。TheremaybeotherreasonswhythemissionariesaresilentabouttheShensi-2-yearfamineandcannibalism。ItmaybethattherearesofewProtestantconvertstherethatthemissionariesareabletotakecareofthem。ThattheyarenotlikelytolargelyconcernthemselvesaboutCatholicconvertsandtheothers，isquitenatural，Ithink。
ThatcrudewayofappealingtothisGovernmentforhelpinacausewhichhasnomoneyinit，andnopolitics，risesbeforemeagaininallitsadmirableinnocence！Doesn”tYungWingknowusyet？However，hehasbeenabsentsince”96or”97。Wehavegonetohellsincethen。Kossuthcouldn”traise30centsinCongress，now，ifhewerebackwithhismovingMagyar-Tale。
Iamonthefrontporchlowerone——maindeckofourlittlebijouofadwelling-house。Thelake-edgeLowerSaranacissonearlyundermethatIcan”tseetheshore，butonlythewater，small-poredwithrain-
splashes——forthereisaheavydown-pour。Itischarminglylikesittingsnuggleduponaship”sdeckwiththestretchingseaallaround——butverymuchmoresatisfactory，foratseaarain-stormisdepressing，whilehereofcoursetheeffectengenderedisjustadeepsenseofcomfortandcontentment。Theheavyforestshutsussolidlyinonthreesidestherearenoneighbors。Therearebeautifullittletan-coloredimpudentsquirrelsabout。Theytaketea，5p。m。，notinvitedatthetableinthewoodswhereJeandoesmytypewriting，andoneofthemhasbeenbraveenoughtosituponJean”skneewithhistailcurvedoverhisbackandmunchhisfood。Theycometodinner，7p。m。，onthefrontporchnotinvited。Theyallhavetheonename——Blennerhasset，fromBurr”sfriend——andnoneofthemanswerstoitexceptwhenhungry。
WehavebeenheresinceJune21st。Foralittlewhilewehadsomewarmdays——accordingtothefamily”sestimate；Iwashardlydiscommodedmyself。Otherwisetheweatherhasbeenofthesortyouarefamiliarwithintheseregions：cooldaysandcoolnights。WehaveheardofthehotwaveeveryWednesday，pertheweeklypaper——weallownodailiestointrude。Lastweekthroughvisitorsalso——theonlyoneswehavehad——
Dr。RootandJohnHowells。
Wehavethedailylake-swim；andallthetribe，servantsincludedbutnotIdoagooddealofboating；sometimeswiththeguide，sometimeswithouthim——JeanandClaraarecompetentwiththeoars。Ifweliveanotheryear，Ihopeweshallspenditssummerinthishouse。
WehavetakentheAppletoncountryseat，overlookingtheHudson，atRiverdale，25minutesfromtheGrandCentralStation，forayear，beginningOct。1，withoptionforanotheryear。WeareobligedtobeclosetoNewYorkforayearortwo。
Aug。3rd。Igoyachtingafortnightupnorthina20-knotboat225feetlong，withtheowner，Mr。Rogers，TomReid，Dr。Rice，Col。A。G。Paineandoneortwoothers。JudgeHowlandwouldgo，butcan”tgetawayfromengagements；ProfessorSloanewouldgo，butisinthegripofanillness。
Come——willyougo？Ifyoucanmanageit，dropapost-cardtomec/oH。H。
Rogers，26Broadway。IshallbeinNewYorkacoupleofdaysbeforewesail——July31orAug。1，perhapsthelatter，——andIthinkIshallstopattheHotelGrosvenor，cor。l0thStand5thave。
WeallsendyouandtheHarmonieslotsandgobsoflove。
MARK
ToRev。J。H。Twichell，inHartford：
AMPERSAND，N。Y。，Aug。28。
DEARJOE，——Justaword，toscoffatyou，withyourextravagantsuggestionthatIreadthebiographyofPhillipsBrooks——theverydullestbookthathasbeenprintedforacentury。Joe，tenpagesofMrs。Cheney”smasterlybiographyofherfathers——no，fivepagesofit——containmoremeat，moresense，moreliterature，morebrilliancy，thanthatwholebasketfulofdrowsyrubbishputtogether。Why，inthatdeadatmosphereevenBrookshimselfisdull——heweariedme；ohhowheweariedme！
WehadanoblegoodtimeintheYacht，andcaughtaChinesemissionaryanddrownedhim。
Lovefromusalltoyouall。
MARK。
TheassassinationofPresidentMcKinleyoccurredSeptember6，1901。
SuchaneventwouldnaturallystirMarkTwaintocommentonhumannatureingeneral。HislettertoTwichellisasindividualasitissoundinphilosophy。Atwhatperiodofhisownlife，orunderwhatcircumstances，hemadethelongjourneywithtragicintentthereisnomeansofknowingnow。Thereisnoothermentionofitelsewhereintherecordsthatsurvivehim。
ToRev。J。H。Twichell，inHartford：
AMPERSAND，Tuesday，Sept。10，1901
DEARJOE，——Itisanotheroffday，buttomorrowIshallresumeworktoacertainty，andbidalongfarewelltoletter-scribbling。
ThenewsofthePresidentlooksdecidedlyhopeful，andweareallglad，andthehouseholdfacesaremuchimproved，astocheerfulness。Oh，thetalkinthenewspapers！EvidentlytheHumanRaceisthesameoldHumanRace。Andhowunjust，andunreflectinglydiscriminating，thetalkersare。Undertheunsettlingeffectsofpowerfulemotionthetalkersaresayingwildthings，crazythings——theyareoutofthemselves，anddonotknowit；theyaretemporarilyinsane，yetwithonevoicetheydeclaretheassassinsane——amanwhohasbeenentertainingfieryandreason——
debauchingmaggotsinhisheadforweeksandmonths。Why，nooneissane，straightalong，yearinandyearout，andweallknowit。Ourinsanitiesareofvaryingsorts，andexpressthemselvesinvaryingforms——fortunatelyharmlessformsasarule——butinwhateverformtheyoccuranimmenseupheavaloffeelingcanatanytimetoppleusdistinctlyoverthesanity-lineforalittlewhile；andthenifourformhappenstobeofthemurderouskindwemustlookout——andsomustthespectator。
Thisasswiththeunpronounceablenamewasprobablymoreinsanethanusualthisweekortwoback，andmaygetbackuponhisbearingsbyandby，buthewasoverthesanity-borderwhenheshotthePresident。ItispossiblethatithastakenhimthewholeintervalsincethemurderoftheKingofItalytogetinsaneenoughtoattemptthePresident”slife。
Withoutadoubtsomethousandsofmenhavebeenmeditatingthesameactinthesameinterval，butnewandstronginterestshaveintervenedanddivertedtheirover-excitedmindslongenoughtogivethemachancetosettle，andtranquilize，andgetbackuponahealthylevelagain。Everyextraordinaryoccurrenceunsettlestheheadsofhundredsofthousandsofmenforafewmomentsorhoursordays。IftherehadbeentenkingsaroundwhenHumbertfelltheywouldhavebeeningreatperilforadayormore——andfrommeninwhosepresencetheywouldhavebeenquitesafeaftertheexcessoftheirexcitementhadhadanintervalinwhichtocooldown。Iboughtarevolveronceandtravelledtwelvehundredmilestokillaman。Hewasaway。Hewasgoneaday。Withnothingelsetodo，Ihadtostopandthink——anddid。Withinanhour——withinhalfofit——
Iwasashamedofmyself——andfeltunspeakablyridiculous。IdonotknowwhattocallitifIwasnotinsane。Duringawholeweekmyheadwasinaturmoilnightanddayfierceenoughandexhaustingenoughtoupsetastrongerreasonthanmine。
Allovertheworld，everyday，therearesomemillionsofmeninthatconditiontemporarily。Andinthattimethereisalwaysamoment——
perhapsonlyasingleonewhentheywoulddomurderiftheirmanwasathand。Iftheopportunitycomesashadetoolate，thechancesarethatithascomepermanentlytoolate。Opportunityseldomcomesexactlyatthesuprememoment。Thissavesamillionlivesadayintheworld——forsure。
NoRuleriseverslainbutthetremendousdetailsofitareravenouslydevouredbyahundredthousandmenwhosemindsdwell，unaware，nearthetemporary-insanityfrontier——andovertheygo，now！Thereisaday——twodays——three——duringwhichnoRulerwouldbesafefromperhapsthehalfofthem；andthereisasinglemomentwhereinhewouldnotbesafefromanyofthem，nodoubt。
Itmaytakethispresentshooting-casesixmonthstobreedanotherruler-
tragedy，butitwillbreedit。Thereisatleastonemindsomewherewhichwillbrood，andwear，anddecayitselftothekilling-pointandproducethattragedy。
Everynegroburnedatthestakeunsettlestheexcitablebrainofanotherone——Imeantheinflamingdetailsofhiscrime，andtheluridtheatricalityofhisexitdoit——andtheduplicatecrimefollows；andthatbegetsarepetition，andthatoneanotheroneandsoon。Everylynching-accountunsettlesthebrainsofanothersetofexcitablewhitemen，andlightsanotherpyre——115lynchingslastyear，102insideof8
monthsthisyear；intenyearsthiswillbehabit，ontheseterms。
Yes，thewildtalkyouseeinthepapers！Andfrommenwhoaresanewhennotupsetbyoverwhelmingexcitement。AU。S。Senator-Cullom——wantsthisBuffalocriminallynched！Itwouldbreedotherlynchings——ofmenwhoarenotdreamingofcommittingmurders，now，andwillcommitnoneifCullomwillkeepquietandnotprovidetheexcitingcause。
AndaDistrictAttorneywantsalawwhichshallpunishwithdeathattemptsuponaPresident”slife——this，mindyou，asadeterrent。
Itwouldhavenoeffect——ortheoppositeone。Thelunatic”smind-spaceisalloccupied——asminewas——withthematterinhand；thereisnoroominitforreflectionsuponwhatmayhappentohim。Thatcomesafterthecrime。
Itisthenoisetheattemptwouldmakeintheworldthatwouldbreedthesubsequentattempts，byunsettlingthericketymindsofmenwhoenvythecriminalhisvastnotoriety——hisobscurenametonguedbystupendousKingsandEmperors——hispictureprintedeverywhere，thetrivialestdetailsofhismovements，whatheeats，whathedrinks；howhesleeps，whathesays，cabledabroadoverthewholeglobeatcostoffiftythousanddollarsaday——andheonlyalowlyshoemakeryesterday！——liketheassassinofthePresidentofFrance——indebtthreefrancstohislandlady，andinsultedbyher——andto-daysheisproudtobeabletosaysheknewhim“asfamiliarlyasyouknowyourownbrother，“andgladtostandtillshedropsandpouroutcolumnsandpagesofhergrandeurandherhappinessupontheeagerinterviewer。
Nothingwillcheckthelynchingsandruler-murderbutabsolutesilence——
theabsenceofpow-powaboutthem。Howareyougoingtomanagethat？
Bygaggingeverywitnessandjamminghimintoadungeonforlife；byabolishingallnewspapers；byexterminatingallnewspapermen；andbyextinguishingGod”smostelegantinvention，theHumanRace。Itisquitesimple，quiteeasy，andIhopeyouwilltakeadayoffandattendtoit，Joe。Iblowakisstoyou，andamLovinglyYours，MARK。
WhentheAdirondacksummerendedClemenssettledforthewinterinthebeautifulAppletonhomeatRiverdale-on-the-Hudson。Itwasaplaceofwide-spreadinggrassandshade-ahouseofampleroom。TheywereestablishedinitintimeforMarkTwaintotakeanactiveinterestintheNewYorkelectionsandassistaticketforgoodgovernmenttodefeatTammanyHall。
XLI
LETTERSOF1902。RIVERDALE。YORKHARBOR。ILLNESSOFMRS。CLEMENS
Theyear1902wasaneventfuloneforMarkTwain。InAprilhereceivedadegreeofLL。D。fromtheUniversityofMissouriandreturnedtohisnativeStatetoacceptit。ThiswashislastjourneytotheMississippiRiver。DuringthesummerMrs。Clemens”shealthbrokedownandillnessesofonesortoranothervisitedothermembersofthefamily。AmidsomuchstressandanxietyClemenshadlittletimeorinclinationforwork。Hewrotenotmanylettersandmainlysomberones。Once，bywayofdiversion，heworkedouttheideaofacuriousclub——whichheformed——itsmemberstobeyounggirls——girlsforthemostpartwhomhehadneverseen。Theywereelectedwithouttheirconsentfromamongthosewhowrotetohimwithouthisconsent，anditisnotlikelythatanyonesochosendeclinedmembership。OneselectionfromhisletterstotheFrenchmember，MissHelenePicard，ofSt-Die，France，willexplaintheclubandpresentasideofMaskTwainsomewhatdifferentfromthatfoundinmostofhiscorrespondence。
ToMissPicard，inSt-Die，France：
RIVERDALE-ON-THE-HUDSON，February22，1902。
DEARMISSHELENE，——Ifyouwillletmecallyouso，consideringthatmyheadiswhiteandthatIhavegrownupdaughters。Yourbeautifulletterhasgivenmesuchdeeppleasure！Iwillmakeboldtoclaimyouforafriendandlockyouupwiththerestofmyriches；forIamamiserwhocountshisspoileverydayandhoardsitsecretlyandaddstoitwhenhecan，andisgratefultoseeitgrow。
Someofthatgoldcomes，likeyourself，inasealedpackage，andIcan”tseeitandmayneverhavethehappiness；butIknowitsvaluewithoutthat，andbywhatsumitincreasesmywealth。
IhaveaClub，aprivateClub，whichisallmyown。IappointtheMembersmyself，andtheycan”thelpthemselves，becauseIdon”tallowthemtovoteontheirownappointmentandIdon”tallowthemtoresign！
TheyareallfriendswhomIhaveneverseensaveone，butwhohavewrittenfriendlyletterstome。
BythelawsofmyClubtherecanbeonlyoneMemberineachcountry，andtherecanbenomaleMemberbutmyself。SomedayImayadmitmales，butIdon”tknow——theyarecapriciousandinharmonious，andtheirwaysprovokemeagooddeal。ItisamatterwhichtheClubshalldecide。
Ihavemadefourappointmentsinthepastthreeorfourmonths：YouasMemberforFrance，ayoungHighlandgirlasMemberforScotland，aMohammedangirlasMemberforBengal，andadearandbrightyoungnieceofmineasMemberfortheUnitedStates——forIdonotrepresentacountrymyself，butammerelyMemberatLargefortheHumanRace。
Youmustnottrytoresign，forthelawsoftheClubdonotallowthat。
Youmustconsoleyourselfbyrememberingthatyouareinthebestofcompany；thatnobodyknowsofyourmembershipexceptmyself——thatnoMemberknowsanother”sname，butonlyhercountry；thatnotaxesareleviedandnomeetingsheldbuthowdearlyIshouldliketoattendone！。
OneofmyMembersisaPrincessofaroyalhouse，anotheristhedaughterofavillagebook-selleronthecontinentofEurope。FortheonlyqualificationforMembershipisintellectandthespiritofgoodwill；
otherdistinctions，hereditaryoracquired，donotcount。
MayIsendyoutheConstitutionandLawsoftheClub？IshallbesopleasedifImay。ItisadocumentwhichoneofmydaughterstypewritesformewhenIneedoneforanewMember，andshewouldgivehereyebrowstoknowwhatitisallabout，butIstranglehercuriositybysaying：
“Therearemuchcheapertypewritersthanyouare，mydear，andifyoutrytopryintothesacredmysteriesofthisCluboneofyourprosperitieswillperishsure。”
Myfavorite？Itis“JoanofArc。”Mynextis“HuckleberryFinn，“butthefamily”snextis“ThePrinceandthePauper。”Yes，youareright——
Iamamoralistindisguise；itgetsmeintoheapsoftroublewhenIgothrashingaroundinpoliticalquestions。
IwishyoueverygoodfortuneandhappinessandIthankyousomuchforyourletter。
Sincerelyyours，S。L。CLEMENS。
EarlyintheyearClemenspaidavisittoTwichellinHartford，andafteroneoftheirregularargumentsontheologyandthemoralaccountabilityofthehumanrace，argumentsthathadbeengoingonbetweenthemformorethanthirtyyears——TwichelllenthisvisitorFreedomoftheWill，byJonathanEdwards，toreadonthewayhome。
Thenextletterwastheresult。
ToRev。J。H。Twichell，inHartford：
RIVERDALE-ON-THE-HUDSON。
Feb。”02。
DEARJOE”Aftercompliments。”——[Meaning“Whatagoodtimeyougaveme；
whatahappinessitwastobeunderyourroofagain；etc。，etc。”SeeopeningsentenceofalltranslationsofletterspassingbetweenLordRobertsandIndianprincesandrulers。]——FromBridgeporttoNewYork；
thencetohome；andcontinuouslyuntilnearmidnightIwallowedandreekedwithJonathaninhisinsanedebauch；roseimmediatelyrefreshedandfineat10thismorning，butwithastrangeandhauntingsenseofhavingbeenonathreedays”tearwithadrunkenlunatic。ItisyearssinceIhaveknownthesesensations。Allthroughthebookistheglazeofaresplendentintellectgonemad——amarvelousspectacle。No，notallthroughthebook——thedrunkdoesnotcomeontillthelastthird，wherewhatItaketobeCalvinismanditsGodbeginstoshowupandshineredandhideousintheglowfromthefiresofhell，theironlyrightandproperadornment。ByGodIwasashamedtobeinsuchcompany。
JonathanseemstoholdasagainsttheArminianpositionthattheManorhisSoulorhisWillnevercreatesanimpulseitself，butismovedtoactionbyanimpulsebackofit。That”ssound！
Also，thatoftwoormorethingsofferedit，itinfalliblychoosestheonewhichforthemomentismostpleasingtoITSELF。Perfectlycorrect！
Animmenseadmissionforamannototherwisesane。
UptothatpointhecouldhavewrittenchaptersIIIandIVofmysuppressed“Gospel。”Butthereweseemtoseparate。HeseemstoconcedetheindisputableandunshakabledominionofMotiveandNecessitycallthemwhathemay，theseareexteriorforcesandnotundertheman”sauthority，guidanceorevensuggestion——thenhesuddenlyfliesthelogictrackandtoallseemingmakesthemanandnottheseexteriorforcesresponsibletoGodfortheman”sthoughts，wordsandacts。Itisfrankinsanity。
IthinkthatwhenheconcedestheautocraticdominionofMotiveandNecessityhegrants，athirdpositionofmine——thataman”smindisameremachine——anautomaticmachine——whichishandledentirelyfromtheoutside，themanhimselffurnishingitabsolutelynothing：notanounceofitsfuel，andnotsomuchasabaresuggestiontothatexteriorengineerastowhatthemachineshalldo，norhowitshalldoitnorwhen。
Afterthatconcession，itwastimeforhimtogetalarmedandshirk——forhewaspointingstraightfortheonlyrationalandpossiblenext-stationonthatpieceofroadtheirresponsibilityofmantoGod。
Andsoheshirked。Shirked，andarrivedatthishandsomeresult：
Maniscommandedtodoso-and-so。Ithasbeenordainedfromthebeginningoftimethatsomemenshan”tandotherscan”t。
Thesearetobeblamed：letthembedamned。
IenjoytheColonelverymuch，andshallenjoytherestofhimwithanobscenedelight。
Joe，thewholetribeshoutlovetoyouandyours！
MARK。