Foranhourhesatthere，talkingon，mostofitaprettydullkindofdrivel。Mrs。Brindleylistenedpatiently，becauseshelikedhimandbecauseshehadnothingelsetodountilbedtime。Atlastherosewithalongsighandsaid：
``IguessImightaswellbegoing。’’
``She’llnotcomeinto-nightagain，’’saidCyrillaslyly。
Helaughed。``Youareagoodone。I’llownup，I’vebeenstayingonpartlyinthehopethatshe’dcomeback。Butit’sbeenagreatjoytotalktoyouabouther。Iknowyouloveher，too。’’
``Yes，I’mextremelyfondofher，’’saidshe。``I’venotknownmanywomen——manypeoplewithoutpettymeantricks。She’sone。’’
``Isn’tshe，though？’’exclaimedhe。
``Idon’tmeanshe’sperfect，’’saidMrs。Brindley。
``Idon’tevenmeanthatshe’sasangelicasyouthinkher。I’dnotlikeher，ifshewere。Butshe’sasuperiorkindofhuman。’’
Shewastiredofhimnow，andgothimoutspeedily。
Assheclosedthefrontdooruponhim，Mildred’sdoor，downthehall，opened。Herheadappeared，aninquiringlookuponherface。Mrs。Brindleynodded。Mil-
dred，herhairdoneclosetoherhead，adressing-robeoverhernightgownandherbarefeetinlittleslippers，camedownthehall。Shecoiledherselfupinabigchairinthelibraryandlitacigarette。Shelookedlikeahandsomeyoungboy。
``Hetoldyou？’’shesaidtoMrs。Brindley。
``Yes，’’repliedCyrilla。
Silence。Inalltheirintimateacquaintancetherehadneverbeenanapproachtotheconfidentialoneitherside。ItwasCyrilla’snotionthatconfidenceswereamistake，andthatthemorecloselypeoplewerethrowntogetherthemoreresolutelytheyoughttokeepcertainbarriersbetweenthem。SheandMildredgotontooadmirably，likedeachothertoowell，fortheretobeanytriflingwiththeirrelations——andover-intimacyinevitablyledtotrifling。MildredhadrestrainedherselfbecauseMrs。Brindleyhadcompelleditbyrigidexample。Oftenshehadlongedtotalkthingsover，toaskadvice。butshehadneverventuredfurtherthangeneralities，andMrs。Brindleyhadneverprofferedadvice，hadneveracceptedopportunitiestogiveitexceptinthevaguestway。ShehadtaughtMildredagreatdeal，butalwaysbyexample，bydoing，neverbysayingwhatoughtoroughtnottobedone。Thus，suchdevelopmentofMildred’scharacterastherehadbeenwasnaturalandpermanent。
``Hehasputmeinapeculiarposition，’’saidMildred。``Or，rather，Ihaveletmyselfdriftintoapeculiarposition。ForIthinkyou’rerightinsayingthatoneselfisalwaystoblame。Won’tyouletmetalkaboutittoyou，please？Iknowyouhateconfidences。
ButI’vegotto——totalk。I’dlikeyoutoadviseme，ifyoucan。Butevenifyoudon’t，it’lldomegoodtosaythingsaloud。’’
``Oftenoneseesmoreclearly，’’wasCyrilla’sreply——
noncommittal，yetnotdiscouraging。
``I’mfreetomarryhim，’’Mildredwenton。``Thatis，I’mnotmarried。I’drathernotexplain——’’
``Don’t，’’saidMrs。Brindley。``It’sunnecessary。’’
``Youknowthatit’sStanleywhohasbeenlendingmethemoneytoliveonwhileIstudy。Well，fromthebeginningI’vebeenafraidI’dfindmyselfinadifficultposition。’’
``Naturally，’’saidMrs。Brindley，asshepaused。
``ButI’vealwaysexpectedittocomeinanotherway——notaboutmarriage，but——’’
``Iunderstand，’’saidMrs。Brindley。``Youfearedyou’dbecalledontopayinthewaywomenusuallypaydebtstomen。’’
Mildrednodded。``ButthisisworsethanIexpected——muchworse。’’
``Ihadn’tthoughtofthat，’’saidCyrilla。``Yes，you’reright。Ifhehadhintedtheotherthing，youcouldhavepretendednottounderstand。Ifhehadsuggestedit，youcouldhavemadehimfeelcheapandmean。’’
``Idid，’’saidMildred。``Hehasbeen——reallywonderful——betterthanalmostanymanwouldhavebeen——
moreconsideratethanIdeserved。AndItookadvantageofit。’’
``Awomanhasto，’’saidCyrilla。``Thefightbetweenmenandwomenissounequal。’’
``Itookadvantageofhim，’’repeatedMildred。
``Andheapologized，andI——Iwentontakingthemoney。Ididn’tknowwhatelsetodo。Isn’tthatdreadful？’’
``Nothingtobeproudof，’’saidCyrilla。``Butaveryusualtransaction。’’
``Andthen，’’pursuedMildred，``IdiscoveredthatI——thatI’dnotbeabletomakeacareer。ButstillIkepton，thoughI’vebeentryingtoforcemyselfto——
toshowsomeprideandself-respect。Idiscovereditonlyashorttimeago，anditwasn’treallyuntilto-daythatIwasabsolutelysure。’’
``YouAREsure？’’
``There’shardlyadoubt，’’repliedMildred。``Butnevermindthatnow。I’vegottomakealivingatsomething，andwhileI’mlearningwhateveritis，I’vegottohavemoneytoliveon。AndIcangetitonlyfromhim。Now，heasksmetomarryhim。Hewouldn’taskmeifhedidn’tthinkIwasgoingtobeagreatsinger。Hedoesn’tknowit，butIdo。’’
Mrs。Brindleysmiledsweetly。
``AndhethinksthatIlovehim，also。IfIaccepthim，itwillbeunderdoublyfalsepretenses。IfIrefusehimI’vegottostoptakingthemoney。’’
Alongsilence。thenMrs。Brindleysaid：``Women——
thegoodones，too——oftenfeelthatthey’vearighttotreatmenasmentreatthem。Ithinkalmostanywomanwouldfeeljustifiedinputtingoffthecrisis。’’
``Youmean，ImighttellhimI’dgivehimmyanswerwhenIwasindependentandhadpaidback。’’
Cyrillanodded。Mildredrelithercigarette，whichshehadletgoout。``Ihadthoughtofthat，’’saidshe。
``But——Idoubtifhe’dtolerateit。Also’’——shelaughedwiththepeculiarintonationthataccompaniestheliftingoftheveiloveradeeplyandcarefullyhiddencornerofone’ssecretself——``Iamafraid。IfIdon’tmarryhim，inafewweeks，ormonthsatmost，he’llprobablyfindoutthatIshallneverbeagreatsinger，andthenI’dnotbeabletomarryhimifIwishedto。’’
``HeISatemptation，’’saidCyrilla。``Thatis，hismoneyis——andhepersonallyisverynice。’’
``ImarriedamanIdidn’tcarefor，’’pursuedMildred。``Idon’twantevertodothatagain。Itis——
eveninthebestcircumstances——notagreeable，notassimpleasitlookstotheinexperiencedgirlswhoarealwaysdoingit。’’
``Still，awomancanendurethatsortofthing，’’saidMrs。Brindley，``unlessshehappenstobeinlovewithanotherman。’’ShewasobservingtheunconsciousMildrednarrowly，astateofinwardtensionandexcitementhintedinherface，butnotinhervoice。
``That’sjustit？’’saidMildred，herfacecarefullyaverted。``I——Ihappentobeinlovewithanotherman。’’
AspasmofpaincrossedCyrilla’sface。
``Amanwhocaresnothingaboutme——andneverwill。He’sjustafriend——somuchthefriendthathecouldn’tpossiblythinkofmeas——asawoman，needinghimandwantinghim’’——hereyeswereonfirenow，andasoftglowhadcomeintohercheeks——``andneverdaringtoshowitbecauseifIdidhewouldflyandneverletmeseehimagain。’’
CyrillaBrindley’sfacewastragicasshelookedatthebeautifulgirl，sogracefullyadjustedtothebigchair。Shesighedcovertly。``Youarelovely，’’shesaid，``andyoung——aboveall，young。’’
``Thismanispeculiar，’’repliedMildredforlornly。
``Anyhow，hedoesn’twantME。Heknowsmeforthefutile，weak，worthlesscreatureIam。Hesawthroughmybluff，evenbeforeIsawthroughitmyself。Ifitweren’tforhim，Icouldgoahead——dothesensiblething——doaswomenusuallydo。But——’’Shecametoafullstop。
``Loveisawoman’ssenseofhonor，’’saidCyrillasoftly。``We’remercilessandunscrupulous——anything——
everything——wherewedon’tlove。Butwherewedolove，we’llgofartherforhonorthanthemosthonorableman。That’swhywe’rebothworseandbetterthanmen——andseemtobesocontradictoryandpuzzling。’’
``I’ddoanythingforhim，’’saidMildred。Shesmileddrearily。``Andhewantsnothing。’’
Shehadnothingmoretosay。ShehadtalkedherselfoutaboutStanley，andhermindwasnowfilledwiththoughtsthatcouldnotbespoken。Assherosetogotobed，shelookedappealinglyatCyrilla。Then，withasuddenandshyrushsheflungherarmsroundherandkissedher。``Thankyou——somuch，’’shesaid。
``You’vedonemeaworldofgood。SayingitalloutloudbeforeYOUhasmademesee。Iknowmyownmind，now。’’
ShedidnotnotethepathetictendernessofCyrilla’sfaceasshesaid，``Goodnight，Mildred。’’Butshedidnotetheuseofherfirstname——andherownrightfirstname——forthefirsttimesincetheyhadknowneachother。Sheembracedandkissedheragain。``Goodnight，Cyrilla，’’shesaidgratefully。
AssheenteredJennings’sstudiothenextdayhelookedather。andwhenJenningslooked，hesaw——asmustanyonewholiveswellbyplayinguponhumannature。
Hedidnotlikeherexpression。Shedidnothabituallysmile。herlight-heartedness，heroptimism，didnotshowthemselvesinthatinaneway。Butthisseriousnessofherswasofanewkind，ofthekindthatbespeakssobrietyandsanenessofsoul。Andthatkindofseriousness——
thedeep，inwardgravityofapersonwhosedaysoftriflingwiththemselvesandwiththefactsoflife，andofbeingtrifledwith，areover——wouldhaveimpressedJenningsequallyhadshecomeinlaughing，hadhereverywordbeenajest。
``No，Ididn’tcomeforalesson——atleastnottheusualkind，’’saidshe。
Hewasnotonetoyieldwithoutastruggle。Alsohewishedtofeelhiswaytothemeaningofthisnewmood。Heputhermusicontherack。``We’llbeginwherewe——’’
``Thishalf-hourofyourtimeismine，isitnot？’’
saidshequietly。``Let’snotwasteanyofit。YesterdayyoutoldmethatIcouldnothopetomakeacareerbecausemyvoiceisunreliable。Whyisitunreliable？’’
``Becauseyouhaveadelicatethroat，’’repliedhe，yieldingatoncewhereheinstinctivelyknewhecouldnotwin。
``ThenwhycanIsingsowellsometimes？’’
``Becauseyourthroatisingoodconditionsomedays——inperfectcondition。’’
``It’sthecoldsthen——andtheslightattacksofcolds？’’
``Certainly。’’
``IfIdidnotcatchcolds——ifIkeptperfectlywell——couldIrelyonmyvoice？’’
``Butthat’simpossible，’’saidhe。
``Why？’’
``You’renotstrongenough。’’
``ThenIhaven’tthephysicalstrengthforacareer？’’
``That——andalsoyouarelackinginmusculardevelopment。Butafterseveralyearsoflessons——’’
``IfIdevelopedmymuscles——ifIbecamestrong——’’
``Mostofthegreatsingerscomefromthelowerclasses——frompeoplewhodomanuallabor。Theydidmanuallaborintheiryouth。Yougirlsofthebetterclasshavetoovercomethathandicap。’’
``Butsomanyofthegreatsingersarefat。’’
``Yes，andunderthatfatyou’llfindgreatropesofmuscle——likeablacksmith。’’
``WhatKeithmeant，’’shesaid。``Iwonder——
WhydoIcatchcoldsoeasily？WhydoIalmostalwayshaveaslightcatchinthethroat？HaveyounoticedthatInearlyalwayshavetoclearmythroatjustalittle？’’
Herexpressionheldhim。Hehesitated，triedtoevade，gaveitup。``Untilthatpasses，youcanneverhopetobeathoroughlyreliablesinger，’’saidhe。
``Thatis，Ican’thopetomakeacareer？’’
Hissilencewasassent。
``ButIhavethevoice？’’
``Youhavethevoice。’’
``Anunusualvoice？’’
``Yes，butnotsounusualasmightbethought。Asamatteroffact，therearethousandsoffinevoices。
Thetroubleisinreliability。Onlyafewarereliable。’’
Shenoddedslowlyandthoughtfully。``IbegintounderstandwhatMr。Keithmeant，’’shesaid。``I
begintoseewhatIhavetodo，andhow——howimpossibleitis。’’
``Bynomeans，’’declaredJennings。``IfIdidnotthinkotherwise，I’dnotbegivingmytimetoyou。’’
Shelookedathimgravely。Hiseyesshifted，thenreturneddefiantly，aggressively。Shesaid：
``Youcan’thelpmetowhatIwant。Sothisismylastlesson——forthepresent。Imaycomebacksomeday——whenIamreadyforwhatyouhavetogive。’’
``Youaregoingtogiveup？’’
``Oh，no——oh，dearme，no，’’repliedshe。``Irealizethatyou’relaughinginyoursleeveasIsayso，becauseyouthinkI’llnevergetanywhere。Butyou——andMr。Keith——maybemistaken。’’Shedrewfromhermuffapieceofmusic——the``BattiBatti，’’from``DonGiovanni。’’``Ifyouplease，’’saidshe，``we’llspendtherestofmytimeingoingoverthis。Iwanttobeabletosingitaswellaspossible。’’
Helookedsearchinglyather。``Ifyouwish，’’saidhe。``ButIdoubtifyou’llbeabletosingatall。’’
``Onthecontrary，mycold’sentirelygone，’’repliedshe。``Ihadanexcitingevening，IdoctoredmyselfbeforeIwenttobed，andthreeorfourtimesinthenight。
Ifound，thismorning，thatIcouldsing。’’
Anditwasso。Neverhadshesungbetter。``Likeatrueartist！’’hedeclaredwithanenthusiasmthathadafoundationofsincerity。``Youknow，MissStevens，youcameveryneartohavingthatrarestofallgifts——
anaturallyplacedvoice。Ifyouhadn’thadsingingteachersasagirltomakeyouself-consciousandtoteachyouwrong，you’dhavebeenawonder。’’
``Imaygetitback，’’saidMildred。
``Thatneverhappens，’’repliedhe。``ButIcanalmostdoit。’’
Hecoachedherforhalfanhourstraightahead，sendingthenextpupilintotheadjoiningroom——anunprecedentedtransgressionofroutine。Heshowedherforthefirsttimewhatateacherhecouldbe，whenhewished。Therewasanastonishingdifferencebetweenherfirstsingingofthesongandhersixthandlast——fortheywentthroughitcarefullyfivetimes。Shethankedhimandthenputoutherhand，saying：
``Thisisalonggood-by。’’
``To-morrow，’’repliedhe，ignoringherhand。
``No。Mymoneyisallgone。Besides，Ihavenotimeforamateurtrifling。’’
``Yourlessonsarepaidforuntiltheendofthemonth。Thisisonlythenineteenth。’’
``Thenyouaresomuchin。’’Againsheputoutherhand。
Hetookit。``Youowemeanexplanation。’’
Shesmiledmockingly。``Asafriendofminesays，don’taskquestionstowhichyoualreadyknowtheanswer。’’
Andshedeparted，thesmilestillonhercharmingface，butthenewseriousnessbeneathit。Asshehadanticipated，shefoundStanleyBairdwaitingforherinthedrawing-roomoftheapartment。Beingbyhabitmuchinterestedinhisownemotionsandnotatallintheemotionsofothers，hesawonlythehealthfulradiancethesharpOctoberairhadputintohercheeksandeyes。Certainly，tolookatMildredGowerwastogetnoimpressionoflackofhealthandstrength。Herglancewaveredalittleatsightofhim，thentheexpressionoffirmnesscameback。
``Youlooklikethatpictureyougavemealongtimeago，’’saidhe。``Doyourememberit？’’
Shedidnot。
``Ithasa——differentexpression，’’hewenton。``I
don’tthinkI’dhavenoticeditbutforKeith。Ihappenedtoshowittohimoneday，andhestaredatitinthatwayhehas——youknow？’’
``Yes，Iknow，’’saidMildred。Shewasseeingthoseuncanny，brilliant，penetratingeyes，insuchstartlingcontrasttothecalm，lifelesscoloringandclassicchiselingoffeatures。
``Andafterawhilehesaid，`So，THAT’SMissStevens！’AndIaskedhimwhathemeant，andhetookoneofyourlaterphotosandputthetwosidebyside。
Tomynotionthelaterwasalotthemoreattractive，forthefacewasrounderandsofteranddidn’thaveacertainkindof——well，hardness，asifyouhadawillandcouldrideroughshod。Notthatyoulooksofrightfullyunattractive。’’
``Irememberthepicture，’’interruptedMildred。``ItwastakenwhenIwastwenty——justafteranillness。’’
``ThefaceWASthin，’’saidStanley。``Keithcalledita`giveaway。’’’
``I’dliketoseeit，’’saidMildred。
``I’lltrytofindit。ButI’mafraidIcan’t。I
haven’tseenitsinceIshowedittoKeith，andwhenI
huntedforittheotherday，itdidn’tturnup。I’vechangedvaletsseveraltimesinthelastsixmonths——’’
ButMildredhadceasedlistening。Keithhadseenthepicture，hadcalledita``giveaway，’’hadbeeninterestedinit——andthepicturehaddisappeared。Shelaughedatherownfolly，yetshewasgladStanleyhadgivenherthischancetomakeupasillyday-dream。
Shewaiteduntilhehadexhaustedhimselfonthesubjectofvalets，theirdrunkenness，theirthievishhabits，theirincompetence，thenshesaid：
``ItookmylastlessonfromJenningsto-day。’’
``What’sthematter？Doyouwanttochange？
Youdidn’tsayanythingaboutit？Isn’thegood？’’
``Goodenough。ButI’vediscoveredthatmyvoiceisn’treliable，andunlessonehasareliablevoicethere’snochanceforagrand-operacareer——orforcomicopera，either。’’
Stanleywasstraightwayallagitationandprotest。
``Whoputthatnotioninyourhead？There’snothinginit，Mildred。Jenningsiscrazyaboutyourvoice，andheknows。’’
``Jenningsisafterthemoney，’’repliedMildred。
``WhatI’msayingisthetruth。Stanley，ourbeautifuldreamofacareerhaswinkedout。’’
Hisexpressionwasmostrevealing。
``And，’’shewenton，``I’mnotgoingtotakeanymoreofyourmoney——and，ofcourse，I’llpaybackwhatI’veborrowedwhenIcan’’——shesmiled——``whichmaynotbeverysoon。’’
``What’sallthisabout，anyhow？’’demandedhe。``I
don’tseeanysignofitinyourface。Youwouldn’ttakeitsocoollyifitwereso。’’
``Idon’tunderstandwhyI’mnotwringingmyhandsandweeping，’’repliedshe。``EveryfewminutesItellmyselfthatIoughttobe。ButIstayquitecalm。I
supposeI’m——sortofstupefied。’’
``Doyoureallymeanthatyou’vegivenup？’’criedhe。
``It’snousetowastethemoney，Stanley。I’vegotthevoice，andthat’swhatdeceivedusall。Butthere’snothingBEHINDthevoice。Withagreatsingerthegreatnessisinwhat’sbehindthevoice，notinthevoiceitself。’’
``Idon’tbelieveawordofit，’’criedheviolently。
``You’vebeendiscouragedbyalittlecold。Everybodyhascolds。Why，inthisclimatethecoldsarealwaysgettingtheMetropolitansingersdown。’’
``Butthey’vegotstrongthroats，andmythroat’sdelicate。’’
``Youmustgotoabetterclimate。Yououghttobeabroad，anyhow。Thatwaspartofmyplan——forustogoabroad——’’Hestoppedinconfusion，reddened，wentbravelyon——``andyoutostudythereandmakeyourdebut。’’
Mildredshookherhead。``That’sallover，’’saidshe。
``I’vegottochangemyplansentirely。’’
``You’realittledepressed，that’sall。Foraminuteyoualmostconvincedme。Whataturnyoudidgiveme！IforgothowyourvoicesoundedthelasttimeIheardit。No，you’dnotbesocalm，ifyoudidn’tknoweverythingwasallright。’’
Hereyeslitupwithslyhumor。``PerhapsI’mcalmbecauseIfeelthatmyfuture’ssecureasyourwife。
Whatmorecouldawomanask？’’
Heforcedanuncomfortablelaugh。``Ofcourse——
ofcourse，’’hesaidwithapainfulefforttobeeasyandjocose。
``Iknewyou’dmarryme，evenifIcouldn’tsinganote。Iknewyourbeliefinmycareerhadnothingtodowithit。’’
Hehesitated，blurtedoutthetruth。``Speakingseriously，thatisn’tquiteso，’’saidhe。``I’vegotmyheartsetonyourmakingagreattear——andIknowyou’lldoit。’’
``AndifyouknewIwouldn’t，you’dnotwanttomarryme？’’
``Idon’tsaythat，’’protestedhe。``HowcanIsayhowI’dfeelifyouweredifferent？’’
Shenodded。``That’ssensible，andit’scandid，’’shesaid。Shelaidherhandimpulsivelyonhisarm。``I
DOlikeyou，Stanley。Youhavegotsuchalotofgoodqualities。Don’tworry。I’mnotgoingtoinsistonyourmarryingme。’’
``Youdon’thavetodothat，Mildred，’’saidhe。
``I’mstaring，ravingcrazyaboutyou，thoughI’madamnfooltoletyouknowit。’’
``Yes，itisfoolish，’’saidshe。``Ifyou’dkeptmeworrying——Still，Iguessnot。Butitdoesn’tmatter。
Youcanprotestandurgeallyouplease，quitesafely。
I’mnotgoingtomarryyou。Nowlet’stalkbusiness。’’
``Let’stalkmarriage，’’saidhe。``Iwantthisthingsettled。Youknowyouintendtomarryme，Mildred。
Whynotsayso？Whykeepmegaspingonthehook？’’
Theyheardthefrontdooropen，andtherustlingofskirtsdownthehall。Mildredcalled：
``Mrs。Brindley！Cyrilla！’’
AninstantandCyrillaappearedinthedoorway。
WhensheandBairdhadshakenhands，Mildredsaid：
``Cyrilla，Iwantyoutotelltheexact，honesttruth。
Isthereanyhopeforawomanwithadelicatethroattomakeagrand-operacareer？’’
Cyrillapaled，lookedpleadinglyatMildred。
``Tellhim，’’commandedMildred。
``Verylittle，’’saidMrs。Brindley。``But——’’
``Don’ttrytosoftenit，’’interruptedMildred。
``Thetruth，theplaintruth。’’
``You’venorighttodrawmeintothis，’’criedCyrillaindignantly，andshestartedtoleavetheroom。
``Iwanthimtoknow，’’saidMildred。``Andhewantstoknow。’’
``Irefusetobedrawnintoit，’’Cyrillasaid，anddisappeared。
ButMildredsawthatStanleyhadbeenshaken。Sheproceededtoexplaintohimatlengthwhatasinger’scareermeant——thehardships，thedraftsonhealthandstrength，theabsolutenecessityofbeingreliable，ofsingingtrue，ofnotdisappointingaudiences——whatadelicatethroatmeant——howdelicateherthroatwas——howdeficientshewasinthekindofphysicalstrengthneeded——muscularpowerwithendurancebackofit。
Whenshefinishedheunderstood。
``I’dalwaysthoughtofitasanart，’’hesaidruefully。``Why，it’smostlyhealthandmusclesandthingsthathavenothingtodowithmusic。’’Hewasdazedandoffendedbythisuncoveringofthemechanismoftheart——bythediscoveryofthecoarseandpainfultoil，thegrosslyphysicalbasis，ofwhathadseemedtohimallidealism。Hehadbeenfullofthedelusionsofspontaneityandinspiration，likealllaymen，andallartists，too，exceptthoseofthehigherranks——thosewhohavefoughttheirwayuptotheheightsand，so，havelearnedthatonedoesnotachievethembybeingcaughtuptothemgloriouslyinafierycloud，butbydoggedlyanddirtilyandsweatilytoilingovereveryinchofthecruelclimb。
Hesatsilentwhenshehadfinished。Shewaited，thensaid：
``Now，yousee。Ireleaseyou，andI’lltakenomoremoneytowaste。’’
Helookedatherwithdumbmiserythatsmoteherheart。Thenhisexpressionchanged——totheshining，hungryeyes，theswollenveins，thereddenedcountenance，thewateringlipsofdesire。Heseizedherinhisarms，andinavoicetremblingwithpassion，hecried：
``Youmustmarryme，anyhow！I’veGOTtohaveyou，Mildred。’’
Ifshehadlovedhim，hisexpression，hisimpassionedvoicewouldhavethrilledher。Butshedidnotlovehim。
Ittookallherlikingforhim，andthememoryofallsheowedhim——thatunpaiddebt！——toenablehertopushhimawaygentlyandtosaywithoutanyshowoftherepulsionshefelt：
``Stanley，youmustn’tdothat。Andit’suselesstotalkofmarriage。You’regenerous，soyouaretakingpityonme。Butbelieveme，I’llgetalongsomehow。’’
``Pity？ItellyouIloveyou，’’hecried，catchingdesperatelyatherhandsandholdingtheminagripshecouldnotbreak。``You’venorighttotreatmelikethis。’’
Itwasoneofthoseveiledandstealthyremindersofobligationhabituallyindulgedinbydelicatepeopleseekingrepaymentofthedebt，butshunningthecoarsenessofdirectdemand。Mildredsawheropportunity。
Saidshequietly：
``Youmeanyouwantmetogivemyselftoyouinpayment，orpartpayment，forthemoneyyou’veloanedme？’’
Hereleasedherhandsandsprangup。Hehadmeantjustthat，buthehadnothadthecourage，orthemeanness，orboth，toadmitboldlyhisownsecretwish。
Shehadcalculatedonthis——hadcalculatedwell。
``Mildred！’’hecriedinashockedvoice。``YOUsolackingindelicacyastosaysuchathing！’’
``Ifyoudidn’tmeanthat，Stanley，whatDIDyoumean？’’
``Iwasappealingtoourfriendship——our——ourloveforeachother。’’
``ThenyoushouldhavewaiteduntilIwasfree。’’
``GoodGod！’’hecried，``don’tyouseethat’shopeless？Mildred，besensible——bemerciful。’’
``IshallnevermarryamanwhenhecouldjustlysuspectIdidittoliveoffhim。’’
``Whatanidea！It’saman’splacetosupportawoman！’’
``Iwasspeakingonlyofmyself。_I_can’tdoit。
Andit’sabsurdforyouandmetobetalkingaboutloveandmarriagewhenanyonecanseeI’dbemarryingyouonlybecauseIwasafraidtofacepovertyandastruggle。’’
Hermannercalmedhimsomewhat。``Ofcourseit’sobviousthatyou’vegottohavemoney，’’saidhe，``andthattheonlywayyoucangetitisbymarriage。Butthere’ssomethingelse，too，andinmyopinionit’stheprincipalthing——wecareforeachother。Whynotbesensible，Mildred？WhynotthankGodthataslongasyouhavetomarry，youcanmarrysomeoneyoucarefor。’’
``CouldyoufeelthatIcaredforyou，ifImarriedyounow？’’inquiredshe。
``Whynot？I’mnotsoentirelylackinginself-
esteem。IfeelthatImustcountforsomething。’’
Mildredsatsilentlywonderingatthisphenomenonsoastounding，yetacommonplaceofmasculineegotism。
Shehadnoconceptionofthisvanitywhichcausestheman，atwhomthestreetwomansmiles，tofeelflattered，thoughheknowsfullwellwhatsheisandherdirene-
cessity。Shecouldnotdoubtthathewasspeakingthetruth，yetshecouldnotbelievethatconceitcouldsobefogcommonsenseinamanwho，forallhisslownessandshallowness，wasmorethanordinarilyshrewd。
``EvenifIthoughtIlovedyou，’’saidshe，``I
couldn’tbesureinthesecircumstancesthatIwasn’tafteryourmoney。’’
``Don’tworryaboutthat，’’repliedhe。``I
understandyoubetterthanyouunderstandyourself。’’
``Let’sstoptalkingaboutit，’’saidsheimpatiently。
``Iwanttoexplaintoyouthebusinesssideofthis。’’
Shetookherpursefromthetable。``Herearethepapers。’’Shehandedhimacheckandanote。``I
madethemoutatthebankthismorning。ThenoteisforwhatIoweyou——anddrawsinterestatfourpercent。ThecheckisforallthemoneyIhaveleftexceptaboutfourhundreddollars。I’vesomebillsImustpay，andalsoIdidn’tdarequitestripmyself。Thenotemaynotbeworththepaperit’swrittenon，butIhope——’’
Beforeshecouldpreventhimhetookthetwopapers，and，holdingthemoutofherreach，torethemtobits。
Hereyesgleamedangrily。``Iseeyoudespiseme——asmuchasI’veinvited。But，I’llmakethemoutagainandmailthemtoyou。’’
``You’reasillychild，’’saidhegruffly。``We’regoingtobemarried。’’
Sheeyedhimwithamusedexasperation。``It’stooabsurd！’’shecried。``AndifIyielded，you’dbetryingtogetoutofit。’’Shehesitatedwhethertotellhimfranklyjusthowshefelttowardhim。Shedecidedagainstit，notthroughconsideration——forawomanfeelsnoconsiderationforamanshedoesnotlove，ifhehasirritatedher——butthroughbeingashamedtosayharshthingstoonewhomsheowedsomuch。``It’suselessforyoutopretendandtoplead，’’shewenton。``I
shallnotyield。You’llhavetowaituntilI’mfreeandindependent。’’
``You’llmarrymethen？’’
``No，’’repliedshe，laughing。``ButI’llbeabletorefuseyouinsuchawaythatyou’llbelieve。’’
``Butyou’vegottomarry，Mildred，andrightaway。’’
Asuspicionenteredhismindandinstantlygleamedinhiseyes。``Areyouinlovewithsomeoneelse？’’
Shesmiledmockingly。
``Itlooksasifyouwere，’’hewenton，arguingwithhimselfaloud。``Forifyouweren’tyou’dmarryme，eventhoughyoudidn’tlikeme。Awomaninyourfixsimplycouldn’tkeepherselffromit。IsTHATwhyyou’resocalm？’’
``I’mnotmarryinganybody，’’saidshe。
``Thenwhatareyougoingtodo？’’
``You’llsee。’’
Oncemorethepassionatesideofhisnatureshowed——notmerelygrotesque，unattractive，repellent，asinthemoodoflonging，buthideous。AmongmenStanleyBairdpassedforamanofratherarrogantandviolenttemper，butthatmanwhohadseenhimathismostviolentwouldhavebeenamazed。Thetempermenshowtowardmenbearssmallresemblanceeitherinkindorindegreetothetemperofjealouspassiontheyshowtowardthewomanwhobafflesthemorarousestheirsuspicions。andnomanwouldrecognizehismostintimatemanfriend——orhimself——wheninthatparoxysm。
Mildredhadseenthismood，gleamingatherthroughamask，inGeneralSiddall。Ithadmadehersickwithfearandrepulsion。InStanleyBairditfirstastoundedher，thenfilledherwithhate。
``Stanley！’’shegasped。
``WHOisit？’’hegroundoutbetweenhisteeth。
Andheseizedhersavagely。
``Ifyoudon’treleasemeatonce，’’saidshecalmly，``IshallcallMrs。Brindley，andhaveyouputoutofthehouse。NomatterifIdooweyouallthatmoney。’’
``Stop！’’hecried，releasingher。``You’reveryclever，aren’tyou？——turningthatagainstmeandmakingmepowerless。’’
``Butforthat，wouldyoudarepresumetotouchme，toquestionme？’’saidshe。
Heloweredhisgaze，stoodpantingwiththeefforttosubduehisfury。
Shewentbacktoherownroom。Afewhourslatercamealetterofapologyfromhim。Sheanswereditfriendlily，saidshewouldlethimknowwhenshecouldseehimagain，andenclosedanoteandacheck。
VIII
MILDREDwenttobedthatnightproudofherstrengthofcharacter。Weretheremanywomen——
wasthereanyotherwomanshekneworknewabout——
whoinherdesperatecircumstanceswouldhavedonewhatshehaddone？Shecouldhavemarriedamanwhowouldhavegivenherwealthandtheverybestsocialposition。Shehadrefusedhim。Shecouldhavecontinuedto``borrow’’fromhimthewherewithaltokeepherinluxuriouscomfortwhileshelookedaboutathereaseforapositionthatmeantindependence。
Shehadthrustthetemptationfromher。Allthisfrompurelyhigh-mindedmotives。forothermotivetherecouldbenone。Shewenttosleep，confidentthatonthemorrowshewouldcontinuetotreadthepathofself-
respectwithunfalteringfeet。Butwhenmorningcameherthroatwasoncemoreslightlyoff——enoughtomakeitwisetopostponetheexcursioninsearchofatrialformusicalcomedy。Theexcitementorthereactionfromexcitement——itmustbetheoneortheother——
hadresultedinweaknessshowingitself，naturally，atherweakestpoint——thatdelicatethroat。Whenlifewascalmandorderly，andhermindwasatpeace，thetroublewouldpass，andshecouldgetapositionofsomekind。Notthecareershehaddreamed。thatwasimpossible。Butshehadvoiceenoughforalittlepart，wherealivingcouldbemade。andperhapsshewouldpresentlyfathomthesecretofthecauseofherdelicatethroatandwouldbeabletogofar——possiblyasfarasshehaddreamed。
Thedelayofafewdayswasirritating。Shewouldhavepreferredtopushstraighton，whilehercouragewastaut。Still，thedelayhadoneadvantage——shecouldpreparethedetailsofherplan。So，insteadofgoingtotheofficeofthetheatricalmanager——Crossley，themostsuccessfulproduceroflight，musicalpiecesofallkinds——shewenttocallonseveralofthegirlssheknewwhoweremoreorlessintouchwithmatterstheatrical。Andshefoundoutjusthowtoproceedtowardaccomplishingapurposewhichoughtnottobedifficultforonewithsuchavoiceashersandwithphysicalcharmspeculiarlyfittedforstageexhibition。
NotuntilSaturdaywashervoiceatitsbestagain。
She，naturally，decidednottogotothetheatricalofficeonMonday，buttowaituntilshehadseenandtalkedwithKeith。Onemoredaydidnotmatter，andKeithmightbestimulating，mightevenhavesomeusefulsuggestionstooffer。Shereceivedhimwithamannerthatwasaversion，andamostcharmingversion，ofhisowntranquilindifference。Buthisfirstremarkthrewherintoapanic。Saidhe：
``I’veonlyafewminutes。No，thanks，I’llnotsit。’’
``Youneedn’thavebotheredtocome，’’saidshecoldly。
``Ialwayskeepmyengagements。Bairdtellsmeyouhavegivenupthearrangementyouhadwithhim。
You’llprobablybemovingfromhere，asyou’llnothavethemoneytostayon。Sendmeyournewaddress，please。’’Hetookapaperfromhispocketandgaveittoher。``Youwillfindthisuseful——ifyouareinearnest，’’saidhe。``Good-by，andgoodluck。I’llhopetoseeyouinafewweeks。’’
Beforeshehadrecoveredherselfintheleast，shewasstandingtherealone，thepaperinherhand，herstupefiedgazeuponthedoorthroughwhichhehaddisappeared。
Allhismovementsandhisspeechhadbeenofhiscustomary，hisinvariable，deliberateness。butshehadtheimpressionofwhirlingandrushinghaste。
Withalonggaspingsighshefelltotremblingallover。
Shespedtoherroom，gotitsdoorsafelyclosedjustintime。Downshesankuponthebed，togivewaytoanattackofhysterics。
Weareconstantlyfindingourselvesputtingforththelovelyflowersandfruitofthevirtueswhereoftheheroesandheroinesofromancearesoprolific。Usuallynothingoccurstodisillusionusaboutourselves。Butnowandthenfate，inunusuallybrutalironicmood，forcesustoseetherealreasonwhywedidthisorthatvirtuous，self-sacrificingaction，orblossomedforthinthisorthatnobilityofcharacter。Mildredwasdestinednowtosufferoneofthesesavageblowsofdisillusionmentaboutselfthatthrustusdownfromtheexaltedmoralheightswherewehavebeenpreeningintohumblekinshipwiththeweakandfrailhumanrace。ShesawwhyshehadrefusedStanley，whyshehadstopped``borrowing，’’whyshehadputoffgoingtothetheatricalmanagers，whyshehaddelayedmovingintoquarterswithinherdiminishedandrapidlydiminishingmeans。ShehadbeencountingonDonaldKeith。Shehadconvincedherselfthathelovedherevenasshelovedhim。Hewouldflingawayhiscoldreserve，wouldburstintorapturesoverhervirtueandhercourage，wouldaskhertomarryhim。Or，ifheshouldputoffthat，hewouldatleastundertaketheresponsibilityofgettingherstartedinhercareer。Well！Hehadcome。hehadshownthatStanleyhadtoldhimallorpracticallyall。andhehadgone，withoutaskingasympatheticquestionormakinganencouragingremark。Asindifferentasheseemed。Burntout，cold，heartless。
Shehadleaneduponhim。hehadslippedaway，leavinghertofallpainfully，andludicrously，totheground。
Shehadbeenboastingtoherselfthatshewasstrong，thatshewouldofherownstrengthestablishherselfinindependence。Shehadnotdreamedthatshewouldbecalleduponto``makegood。’’SheravedagainstKeith，againstherself，againstfate。Andabovethechaosandthewreckwithinher，roundandround，hitherandyon，flappedandshiedtheblackthought，``WhatSHALLIdo？’’
Whenshesatupanddriedhereyes，shechancedtoseethepaperKeithhadleft。withwonderatherhavingforgottenitandwithathrobofhopesheopenedandbegantoreadhissmall，difficultwriting：
Acareermeansself-denial。Notoccasional，intermittent，butsteady，constant，daily，hourly——apurposethatneverrelaxes。
Acareerasasingermeansnotonlytheroutine，thepatienttediouswork，thecuttingoutoftime-wastingpeopleandtime-wastingpleasuresthatarenecessarytoanyandallcareers。Itmeansinaddition——forsuchaperson——
sacrificesfarbeyondacharactersoundisciplinedandsocorruptedbyconventionallifeasisyours。Thebasisofasingingcareerishealthandstrength。Youmusthavegreatphysicalstrengthtobeabletosingoperas。Youmusthaveperfecthealth。
Dietandexercise。Aroutinelife，itsroutinerigidlyadheredto，dayinanddayout，monthaftermonth，yearafteryear。Smallanduninterestingandmonotonousfood，nothingtodrink，and，ofcourse，nocigarettes。Suchisthesecretofareliablevoiceforyouwhohavea``delicatethroat’’——whichisthesilly，shallow，andmisleadingwayofsayingadelicatedigestion，forsorethroatalwaysmeansindigestion，nevermeansanythingelse。Tosing，theinstrument，theabsolutelymaterialmachine，mustbeinperfectorder。Therestiseasy。
Somesingerscancommitindiscretionsofdietandoflackofexercise。Butnotyou，becauseyoulackthisnaturalstrength。Donotbedeceivedandmisledbytheirexample。
Exercise。Youmustmakeyourbodystrong，powerful。
Youhavenotthemusclesbynature。Youmustacquirethem。
Thefollowingroutineofdietandexercisemadeoneofthegreatsingers，andkepthergreatforaquarterofacentury。
Ifyouadoptit，withoutvariation，youcanmakeacareer。
Ifyoudonot，youneednothopeforanythingbutfailureandhumiliation。Withinmyknowledgesixty-eightyoungmenandyoungwomenhavestartedinonthissystem。Notonehadthecharactertopersisttosuccess。Thismaysuggestwhy，excepttwowhoareattheverytop，allofthegreatsingersaremenandwomenwhomnaturehasmadepowerfulofbodyandofdigestion——sopowerfulthattheirindiscretionsonlyoccasionallymakethemunreliable。
ThereMildredstoppedandflungthepaperaside。
Shedidnotcareeventoglanceattheexercisespre-
scribedoratthedietandtheroutineofdailywork。
Howdullanduninspired！Howgrosslymaterial！
Stomach！Chewing！Exercisingmachines！Ploddingdrearymilesdaily，rainorshine！Whatcouldsuchthingshavetodowiththefreeandgloriouscareerofaninspiredsinger？Keithwaslaughingatherashehastenedaway，abandoninghertoherfate。
Sheexaminedherselfintheglasstomakesurethattheravagesofherattackofrageandgriefanddespaircouldbeeffacedwithinafewhours，thenshewroteanote——formalyetfriendly——toStanleyBaird，informinghimthatshewouldreceivehimthatevening。HecamewhileCyrillaandMildredwerehavingtheirafter，dinnercoffeeandcigarettes。Hewasamanwhotookgreatpainswithhisclothes，andgotthemwherepainswasnotinvain。Thateveninghehadarrayedhimselfwithunusualcare，andtheresultwasafine，manlyfigureofthewell-bredNew-Yorkertype。CertainlyStanleyhadgroundforhisfeelingthathedeservedandgotlikingforhimself。Thethreesatinthelibraryforperhapshalfanhour，thenMrs。Brindleyrosetoleavetheothertwoalone。Mildredurgedhertostay——MildredwhohadbeenimpatientofherpresencewhenStanleywasannounced。UrgedhertostayinsuchatonethatCyrillacouldnotpersist，buthadtositdownagain。
Asthethreetalkedonandon，MildredcontinuedtopicturelifewithStanley——continuedthevividpicturingshehadbegunwithintenminutesofStanley’sentering，thepicturingthathadcausedhertoinsistonCyrilla’sremainingaschaperon。AyounggirlcandonosuchpicturingasMildredcouldnotavoiddoing。Totheyounggirlmarriedlife，itstete-a-tetes，itsintimacies，itsroutine，areallablank。Anyattemptshemakestofillindetailsgoesfarastray。ButMildred，withStanleytherebeforeher，couldseeherlifeasitwouldbe。
Towardhalf-pastten，Stanleysaid，shame-facedandpleading，``Mildred，IshouldliketoseeyoualoneforjustaminutebeforeIgo。’’
MildredsaidtoCyrilla：``No，don’tmove。We’llgointothedrawing-room。’’
Hefollowedherthere，andwhenthesoundofMrs。
Brindley’sstepinthehallhaddiedaway，hebegan：
``IthinkIunderstandyoualittlenow。Ishan’tinsultyoubyreturningordestroyingthatnoteorthecheck。Iacceptyourdecision——unlessyouwishtochangeit。’’Helookedatherwitheagerappeal。Hisheartwastrembling，wassickwithapprehension，withthesenseofweakness，ofdangerandgloomahead。
``Whyshouldn’tIhelpyou，atleast，Mildred？’’heurged。
Whencethecouragecamesheknewnot，butthroughherchokingthroatsheforcedapositive，``No。’’
``And，’’hewenton，``ImeantwhatIsaid。Iloveyou。I’mwretchedwithoutyou。Iwantyoutomarryme，careerornocareer。’’
Herfearswereclamorous，butsheforcedherselftosay，``Ican’tchange。’’
``Ihoped——alittle——thatyousentmethenoteto-
daybecauseyou——Youdidn’t？’’
``No，’’saidMildred。``Iwantustobefriends。
Butyoumustkeepaway。’’
Hebenthishead。``ThenI’llgo’wayoffsomewhere。
Ican’tbearbeinghereinNewYorkandnotseeingyou。AndwhenI’vebeenawayayearorso，perhapsI’llgetcontrolofmyselfagain。’’
Goingaway！——totrytoforget！——nodoubt，tosucceedinforgetting！Thenthiswasherlastchance。
``MustIgo，Mildred？Won’tyourelent？’’
``Idon’tloveyou——andInevercan。’’Shewasdeathlywhiteandtrembling。Sheliftedhereyestobeginaretreat，forhercouragehadquiteoozedaway。
Hewaslookingather，hisfacedistortedwithaminglingofthepassionofdesireandthepassionofjealousy。
Sheshrank，caughtatthebackofachairforsupport，feltsuddenlystronganddefiant。Tobethisman’splaything，tosubmittohismoods，tohisjealousies，tohiscaprices——tobehistofumbleandcaress，histohavethefuryofhispassionwreakitselfuponherwithnoresponsefromherbutonlyrepulsionandloathing——andthelongdrearyhoursanddaysandyearsalonewithhim，listeningtohiscommonplaces，oftensotedious，forcedtotrytoamusehimandtokeephiminagoodhumorbecauseheheldthepurse-
strings——
``Pleasego，’’shesaid。
Shewasstillveryyoung，stillhadyearsandyearsofyouthunspent。Surelyshecouldfindsomethingbetterthanthis。Surelylifemustmeansomethingmorethanthis。Atleastitwasworthatrial。
Heheldouthishand。Shegavehimherreluctantandcoldfingers。Hesaidsomething，whatshedidnothear，forthebloodwasroaringinherearsastheroomswamround。Hewasgone，andthenextthingshedefinitelyknewshewasatthethresholdofCyrilla’sroom。Cyrillagaveheratenderlysympatheticglance。
Shesawherselfinamirrorandknewwhy。herfacewasgrayanddrawn，andhereyeslaydullydeepwithindarkcircles。
``Icouldn’tdoit，’’shesaid。``Isentforhimtomarryhim。ButIcouldn’t。’’
``I’mglad，’’saidCyrilla。``Marriagewithoutloveisalastresort。Andyou’realongwayfromlastresorts。’’
``Youdon’tthinkI’mcrazy？’’
``Ithinkyou’vewonagreatvictory。’’
``Victory！’’AndMildredlaugheddolefully。``Ifthisisvictory，IhopeI’llneverknowdefeat。’’
WhydidMildredrefuseStanleyBairdandcutherselfofffromhim，evenafterherhopesofDonaldKeithdiedthroughlackoffood，realorimaginary？Itwouldbegratifyingtoofferthisasacaseofpurecourageandhighprinciple，untaintedofthemotiveswhichgovernordinaryhumanactions。Butunluckilythisisabiography，notaromance，ahistoryandnotaeulogy。
AndMildredGowerisahumanbeing，evenasyouandI，notagalvanizedembodimentofsuperhumanvirtuessuchasyouandIarepretendingtobe，perhapseventoourselves。Theexplanationofherstrangeaberration，whichwillbedoubtedorsecretlycondemnedbyeverywomanoftheshelteredclasseswholovesherdependenceandseekstodisguiseitassomethingsweetandfineand``womanly’’——theexplanationofheralmostinsaneactofrenunciationofallthataladyholdsmostdearissimpleenough，puzzlingthoughshefoundit。Ignorance，whichaccountsforsomuchofthesqualidfailureinhumanlife，accountsalsoformuchifnotallthemostsplendidaudaciousachievement。Veryoften——very，veryoften——theimpossibilitiesareachievedbythosewhointheirignoranceadvancenotboldlybutunconcernedlywhereawisermanorwomanwouldshrinkandretreat。Fortunateindeedisheorshewhoinacrisisisbychanceequippedwithneithertoolittlenortoomuchknowledge——whoknowsenoughtoenablehimtoadvance，butdoesnotknowenoughtoappreciatehowperilous，howfoolhardy，howharshandcruel，advancewillbe。Mildredwasinthisinstancethusfortunate——unfortunate，shewaspresentlytothinkit。
Sheknewenoughaboutlovelessmarriagetoshrinkfromit。Shedidnotknowenoughaboutwhatpoverty，moneylessness，andfriendlessnessmeanintheactualitytoawomanbredasshehadbeen。Sheimaginedsheknew——andsickathearthernotionofpovertymadeher。Butimaginationwasonlyfaintestforeshadowingofactuality。Ifshehadknown，shewouldhaveyieldedtothetemptationthatwasalmosttoostrongforher。Andifshehadyielded——whatthen？
Notsucharepulsivelot，asourcomfortableclasseslookatit。Plentytoeatanddrinkandtowear，servantsandequipagesandfinehousesandfinesociety，theenvyofhergapingkind——acomfortablelifeforthebody，acomfortabledeathformindandheart，slowlyandsoftlysuffocatedinluxury。Partlythroughknowledgethatstronglyaffectedhercharacter，whichwasonthewholeaspiringandsensitivebeyondtheaveragetothetrueandthebeautiful，partlythroughignorancethatveiledthefuturefromhernonetoovalorousandhardyheart，shedidnotyieldtothetemptation。Andthus，insteadofdying，shebegantolive，forwhatislifebutgrowthinexperience，instrengthandknowledgeandcapability？
Ababyenterstheworldscreamingwithpain。Thefirstsensationsoflivingareagonizing。Itisthesamewiththebirthofsouls，forasoulisnotreallybornuntilthatdaywhenitisofferedchoicebetweenlifeanddeathandchooseslife。InMildredGower’scasethisbirthwasanagony。Sheawokethefollowingmorningwithadullheadache，afaintingheart，andathroatsosorethatshefeltapainfulcatchwhenevershetriedtoswallow。Sheusedthespray。shemassagedherthroatandneckvigorously。Invain。itwasfollytothinkofgoingwhereshemighthavetoriskatrialofhervoicethatday。Thesunwasbrilliantandtheairsharpwithoutbeinghumidortoocold。Shedressed，breakfasted，wentoutforawalk。Thethroatgrewworse，thenbetter。Shereturnedforluncheon，andafterwardbegantothinkofpacking，notthatshehadchosenanewplace，butbecauseshewishedtohavesomesortofasenseofaction。Butherunhappinessdroveheroutagain——totheparkwheretheairwasfineandshecouldwalkincomparativesolitude。
``WhatasillyfoolIam！’’thoughtshe。``WhydidIdothisintheworst，thehardestpossibleway？I
shouldhaveheldontoStanleyuntilIhadaposition。
No，I’msuchapoorcreaturethatIcouldneverhavedoneitinthatway。I’dsimplyhavekeptonbluffing，foolingmyself，puttingoffandputtingof。Ihadtojumpintothewaterwithnobodyneartohelpme，orI’dneverhavebeguntolearntoswim。Ihaven’tbegunyet。Imayneverlearntoswim。Imaydrown。
Yes，Iprobablyshalldrown。’’
Shewanderedaimlesslyon——aroundtheupperreservoirwherethestrongbreezefreshenedherthroughandthroughandmadeherfeellessforlorninspiteofherchickenheart。ShecrossedthebridgeatthelowerendandcamedowntowardtheEastDrive。Ataxicabrushedby，notsofast，however，thatshefailedtorecognizeDonaldKeithandCyrillaBrindley。Theyweretalkingsoearnestly——Keithwastalking，forawonder，andMrs。Brindleylistening——thattheydidnotseeher。Shewentstraighthome。Butasshewasafoot，thejourneytookabouthalfanhour。Cyrillawasalreadythere，inanegligee，lookingasifshehadnotbeenoutofthelittlelibraryforhours。Shewaswritingaletter。Mildredstrolledinandseatedherself。
Cyrillawentonwriting。Mildredwatchedherimpatiently。Shewishedtotalk，tobetalkedto，tobeconsoledandcheered，tohearaboutDonaldKeith。Wouldthatletterneverbefinished？Atlastitwas，andCyrillatookabookandsettledherselftoreading。Therewasavaguesomethinginhermanner——achange，anattitudetowardMildred——thatdisturbedMildred。Or，wasthatnotionofachangemerelytheoffspringofherownsombermood？SeeingthatMrs。Brindleywouldnotbegin，shebrokethesilenceherself。Saidsheawkwardly：
``I’vedecidedtomove。Infact，I’vegottomove。’’
Cyrillalaiddownthebookandregardedhertran-
quilly。``Ofcourse，’’saidshe。``I’vealreadybeguntoarrangeforsomeoneelse。’’
Mildredchoked，andthetearswelledintohereyes。
Shehadnotbeenmistaken。Cyrillahadchangedtowardher。Nowthatshehadnoprospectsforabrilliantcareer，nowthathermoneywasgone，Cyrillahadbegunto——tobehuman。Nodoubt，inthecourseofthatdrive，CyrillahaddiscoveredthatKeithhadnointerestinhereither。MildredbeatdownheremotionandwassoonabletosayinavoiceasunconcernedasCyrilla’s：
``I’llfindaplaceto-morrowornextday，andgoatonce。’’
``I’llbesorrytoloseyou，’’saidMrs。Brindley，``butIagreewithyouthatyoucan’tgetsettledanytoosoon。’’
``Youdon’thappentoknowofanycheap，goodplace？’’saidMildred。
``Ifit’scheap，Idon’tthinkit’slikelytobegood——
inNewYork，’’repliedCyrilla。``You’llhavetoputupwithinconveniences——andworse。I’doffertohelpyoufindaplace，butIthinkeverythingself-reliantonedoeshelpsonetolearn。Don’tyou？’’
``Yes，indeed，’’assentedMildred。Thethingwasself-evidentlytrue。stillshebegantohateCyrilla。
Thiscold-heartedNewYork！HowshewouldgrinddownherheelwhenshegotitontheneckofNewYork！
Friendship，love，helpfulness——whatdidNewYorkandNew-Yorkersknowofthesethings？``OrHangingRock，either，’’reflectedshe。Whatacoldandlonelyworld！
``Haveyoubeentoseeaboutaposition？’’inquiredCyrilla。
Mildredwasthrownintoconfusion。``Ican’tgo——
fora——dayorso，’’shestammered。``Thechangeableweatherhasratherupsetmythroat。Nothingserious，butIwanttobeatmybest。’’
``Certainly，’’saidMrs。Brindley。HerdirectgazemadeMildreduncomfortable。Shewenton：``You’resureit’stheweather？’’
``Whatelsecoulditbe？’’demandedMildredwithalatentresentmentwhoseinterestingoriginshedidnotpausetoinquireinto。
``Well，salad，orsauces，ordesserts，orcafeaulaitinthemorning，orcandy，ortea，’’saidCyrilla。``Oritmightbecigarettes，orallthosethings——andthinstockingsandlowshoes——mightn’tit？’’
NeverbeforehadsheknownCyrillatosayanythingmeddlesomeorcattish。SaidMildredwithafaintsneer，``ThatsoundslikeMr。Keith’scrankiness。’’
``Itis，’’repliedCyrilla。``Iusedtothinkhewasacrankonthesubjectofsingingandstomachs，andsingingandankles。ButI’vebeenconvinced，partlybyhim，mostlybywhatI’veobserved。’’
Mildredmaintainedanicysilence。
``IseeyouareresentingwhatIsaid，’’observedCyrilla。
``Notatall，’’saidMildred。``Nodoubtyoumeantwell。’’
``Youwillpleaserememberthatyouaskedmeaquestion。’’
Soshehad。Butthediscoverythatshewasclearlyinthewrong，thatshehadinvitedthedisguisedlecture，onlyaggravatedhersenseofresentmentagainstMrs。
Brindley。Shespenttherestoftheafternooninsortingandpackingherbelongings——andincrying。ShecameuponthepaperDonaldKeithhadleft。Shereaditthroughcarefully，thoughtfully，readittothelastdirectionastoexercisewiththemachine，thelastarrangementforadailyroutineoflife，thelastsuggestionastodiet。
``Fortunatelyallthatisn’tnecessary，’’saidshetoherself，whenshehadfinished。``Ifitwere，Icouldnevermakeacareer。I’mnotstupidenoughtobeabletoleadthatkindoflife。Why，I’dnotcaretomakeacareer，atthatprice。Slavery——plainslavery。’’
Whenshewentintodinner，shesawinstantlythatCyrillatoohadbeencrying。Cyrilladidnotlookold，anythingbutthat，indeedwasnotoldandwouldnotbegintobeformanyayear。Still，afterthirty-fiveorfortyawomancannotindulgeagoodcrywithoutitsleavingserioustracesthatwillshowhoursafterward。
AtsightoftheevidencesofCyrilla’sgriefMildredstraightwayforgotherresentment。TheremusthavebeensomeothercauseforCyrilla’speculiarconduct。
Nomatterwhat，sinceitwasnothardnessofheart。
Itwasasad，evenagloomydinner。Butthetwowomenwereoncemoreinperfectsympathy。AndafterwardMildredbroughttheKeithpaperandaskedCyrilla’sopinion。Cyrillareadslowlyandwithoutcomment。Atlastshesaid：
``Hegotthisfromhismother，LuciaRivi。Haveyoureadherlife？’’
``No。I’veheardalmostnothingabouther，exceptthatshewasfamous。’’
``Shewasmorethanthat，’’saidMrs。Brindley。
``Shewasgreat，agreatpersonality。Shewasanalmostsicklychildandgirl。Herfirstattemptsonthestagewerehumiliatingfailures。Shehadnohealth，noendurance，nothingbutasmallvoiceofrarequality。’’