第6章
加入书架 A- A+
点击下载App,搜索"The Price She Paid",免费读到尾

  Thesewerefashionablewomen——mostdelicate,sensitiveladies——atwhomheswore。Theywept,stayedon,advertisedhimasa``wonderfulseriousteacherwhowon’tstandanynonsenseanddoesn’tcareahangwhetheryoustayorgo——andhecanteachabsolutelyanybodytosing!’’Heknewhowtobegentlewithoutseemingtobeso。heknewhowtoflatterwithoututteringasinglewordthatdidnotseemtobereluctantpraiseorsavagecriticism。heknewhowtomakealadywithalittlevoiceworkenoughtomakeashowingthatwouldspurhertokeeponandonwithhim。heknewhowtoencouragearichwomanwithnomoresongthanapeacockuntilshewouldcometohimthreetimesaweekformanyyears——andhowhedidmakeherpayforwhathesufferedinlisteningtothehideoussquawkingsandyelpingssheinflicteduponhim!

  DidJenningsthinkhimselfafraud?Nomorethanthenexthumanbeingwholivesbyfraud。Isthereanytradeorprofessionwhosepractitioners,inthebottomoftheirhearts,donotthinktheyarelivingexcusablyandperhapscreditably?TheJenningstheorywasthathewasagreatteacher。thattherewereonlyaveryfewseriousandworth-whileseekersofthesingingart。

  thatinordertoliveandtoteachthesefew,hehadtoreceivetheothers。that,anyhow,singingwasafineartforanyonetohaveandtakingsinginglessonsmadetheworstvoicealittlelessbad——or,attheleast,singingwassplendidforthehealth。Oneofhisfavoritedictawas,``Everychildshouldbetaughtsinging——

  foritshealth,iffornothingelse。’’Andperhapshewasright!Atanyrate,hemadehisfortytofiftythousandayear——andondayswhenhehadasuccessionofthenoisy,tunelesssquawkers,hefeltthathemorethanearnedeverycentofit。

  Mildreddidnotpenetratefarintothesecretofthemoney-makingbranchoftheJenningsmethod。Itwascrudeenough,too。Butarenotallthefraudsthatfoolthehumanracecrude?Humanbeingsbothcannotandwillnotlookbeneathsurfaces。AllMildredlearnedwasthatJenningsdidnotgiveuppayingpupils。

  Shehadnotconfidenceenoughinthisdiscoverytoputittothetest。Shedidnotdaredisobeyhimorshirk——

  evenwhenshewasmostdisposedtodoso。Butgraduallysheceasedfromthatintenseapplicationshehadatfirstbroughttoherwork。Shekeptuptheforms。

  Shelearnedherlessons。Shedidallthatwasasked。

  Sheseemedtobetoilingasinthebeginning。Inreality,shebecamebythemiddleofspringamerelesson-taker。

  Herinterestinclothesandingoingaboutrevived。ShesawinthenewspapersthatGeneralSiddallhadtakenapartyoffriendsonayachtingtriparoundtheworld,soshefeltthatshewasnolongerbeingsearchedfor,atleastnotvigorously。Shebecameacquaintedwithsmart,richWestSidewomen,takinglessonsatJennings’s。Sheamusedherselfgoingaboutwiththemandwiththe``musical’’mentheyattracted——amateurandsemi-professionalsingersandplayersuponinstruments。

  ShedrewMrs。Brindleyintotheirsociety。TheyhadlittlepartiesattheflatinFifty-ninthStreet——themostdelightfullittlepartiesimaginable——dinnersandsuppers,music,cleverconversations,flirtationsofaharmlessbutfascinatingkind。IfanyonehadaccusedMildredofneglectingherwork,offorgettinghercareer,shewouldhavegrownindignant,andifMrs。Brindleyhadoverheard,shewouldhavebeenindignantforher。

  Mildredworkedasmuchasever。Shewasmakingexcellentprogress。Shewasdoingallthatcouldbedone。

  Ittakestimetodevelopavoice,tomakeanopera-singer。

  Forcingisdangerous,whenitisnotdownrightuseless。

  InMay——towardtheendofthemonth——StanleyBairdreturned。Mildred,whohappenedtobeinunusuallygoodvoicethatday,sangforhimattheJenningsstudio,andhewasenchanted。AsthelastnotediedawayhecriedouttoJennings:

  ``She’sawonder,isn’tshe?’’

  Jenningsnodded。``She’sgotavoice,’’saidhe。

  ``Sheoughttogoonnextyear。’’

  ``Notquitethat,’’saidJennings。``Wewanttogetthatupperregisterrightfirst。Andit’sayoungvoice——she’sveryyoungforherage。Wemustbecarefulnottostrainit。’’

  ``Why,what’savoiceforifnottosingwith?’’saidStanley。

  ``Afinevoiceisaverydelicateinstrument,’’repliedtheteacher。Headdedcoldly,``Youmustletmejudgeastowhatshallbedone。’’

  ``Certainly,certainly,’’saidStanleyinhaste。

  ``She’shadseveralcoldsthiswinterandspring,’’

  pursuedJennings。``Thosethingsaredangerousuntilthevoicehasitsfullgrowth。Sheshouldhavetwomonths’completerest。’’

  Jenningswasgoingawayforatwomonths’vacation。

  Hewasgivingthisadvicetoallhispupils。

  ``You’reright,’’saidBaird。``Didyouhear,Mildred?’’

  ``ButIhatetostopwork,’’objectedMildred。``I

  wanttobedoingsomething。I’mveryimpatientofthislongwait。’’

  Andhonestshewasinthisprotest。Shehadnoideaofthestateofherownmind。Shefanciedshewasstillaseageraseverforthecareer,asintenselyinterestedaseverinherwork。Shedidnotdreamoftherealmeaningofhercontentwithhervoiceasitwas,ofherlackofuneasinessovertheappallingfactthatsuchvoiceasshehadwasunreliable,cameandwentfornoapparentreason。

  ``Absoluterestfortwomonths,’’declaredJenningsgrimly。``NotanoteuntilIreturninAugust。’’

  Mildredgavearesignedsigh。

  Thereismuchinveighingagainsthypocrisy,aviceunsightlyratherthandesperatelywicked。Andintheexcitementaboutititsdangerous,evendeadlynearkinsman,self-deception,escapesunassailed。Sevencardinalsins。butwhatoftheeighth?——theparentofalltheothers,theonebesidewhichthechildrenseemalmostwhite?

  DuringthefirstfewweeksMildredhadbeencarefulaboutspendingmoney。Economyshedidnotunderstand。

  howcouldshe,whenshehadneverhadalessoninitoravaluablehintaboutit?Soeconomywasimpossible。Theonlywayinwhichsuchpeoplecankeeporderintheirfinancesisbynotspendinganymoneyatall。Mildreddrewnothing,spentnothing。

  This,solongasshegaveherwholemindtoherwork。

  Butafterthefirstgreatcold,sodepressing,sosubtlyundermining,shebegantogoabout,tothinkof,toneedandtobuyclothes,tospendmoneyinadozennecessaryways。Afterall,shewassimplyborrowingthemoney。Presently,shewouldbemakingacareer,wouldbeearninglargesums。Shewouldpaybackeverything,withinterest。Stanleymeantforhertousethemoney。Really,sheoughttouseit。Howwouldhercareerbehelpedbyhergoingaboutlookingadowdandafrump?Shehadalwaysbeenusedtothecomfortsoflife。Ifshedeprivedherselfofthem,shewouldsurelygetintoaframeofmindwhereherworkwouldsuffer。No,shemustleadthenormallifeofawomanofherclass。Toworkallthetime——why,asJenningssaid,thattookawayallthefreshness,madeonestaleandunfit。Alittledistraction——always,ofcourse,withmusicalpeople,peoplewhotalkedandthoughtanddidmusic——thatsortofdistractionwasquiteasmuchapartofhereducationasthesinginglessons。Mrs。Brindley,certainlyasensibleandseriouswomanifevertherewasone——Mrs。Brindleybelievedso,anditmustbeso。

  Afterthatillnessandbeforeshebegantogoabout,shehadfallenintoseveralfitsofhideousblues,hadbeenindespairastothefuture。Assoonasshesawsomethingofpeople——alwaysthevaluable,musicalsortofpeople——herspiritsimproved。Andwhenshegotafewnewdresses——verysimpleandinexpensive,butstylishandcharming——andthehats,too,weresuccessful——

  assoonasshewasfreshlyarrayedshewassingingbetterandwastalkinghopefullyofthecareeragain。Yes,itwasreallynecessarythatsheliveasshehadalwaysbeenusedtoliving。

  WhenStanleycamebackheraccountwasdrawnuptothelastcentoftheproportionateamount。Infact,itmighthavebeenafewdollars——ahundredorso——

  overdrawn。Shewasnotsure。Still,thatwasasmallmatter。Duringthesummershewouldspendless,andbyfallshewouldbefaraheadagain——andreadytobuyfallclothes。Onedayhesaid:

  ``Youmustbeneedingmoremoney。’’

  ``Noindeed,’’criedshe。``I’vebeenlivingwithinthehundredaweek——ornearly。I’mafraidI’mfrightfullyextravagant,and——’’

  ``Extravagant?’’laughedhe。``Youareafraidtoborrow!Why,threeorfournightsofsingingwillpaybackallyou’veborrowed。’’

  ``IsupposeIWILLmakealotofmoney,’’saidshe。

  ``Theyalltellmeso。Butitdoesn’tseemrealtome。’’

  Shehastilyadded:``Idon’tmeanthecareer。Thatseemsrealenough。Icanhardlywaittobeginattheroles。Imeanthemoneypart。Yousee,Ineverearnedanymoneyandneverreallyhadanymoneyofmyown。’’

  ``Well,you’llhaveplentyofitintwoorthreeyears,’’

  saidStanley,confidently。``Andyoumustn’ttrytolivelikegirlswho’vebeenbroughtuptohardship。Itisn’tnecessary,anditwouldonlyunfityouforyourwork。’’

  ``Ithinkthat’strue,’’saidshe。``ButI’veenough——

  morethanenough。’’Shegavehimanervous,shy,almostagonizedlook。``Pleasedon’ttrytoputmeunderanyheavierobligationsthanIhavetobe。’’

  ``Pleasedon’ttalknonsenseaboutobligation,’’

  retortedhe。``Let’sgetawayfromthissubject。Youdon’tseemtorealizethatyou’redoingmeafavor,thatit’saprivilegetobeallowedtohelpdevelopsuchamarvelousvoiceasyours。Scoresofpeoplewouldjumpatthechance。’’

  ``Thatdoesn’tlessenmyobligation,’’saidshe。Andshethoughtshemeantit,though,infact,hisgenerousandplausiblestatementofthecasehadimmediatelylessenednotalittlehersenseofobligation。

  Onthewhole,however,shewasnotsorryshehadthischancetotalkofobligation。Slowly,astheysaweachotherfromtimetotime,oftenalone,Stanleyhadbegun——perhapsinspiteofhimselfandunconsciously——toshowhisfeelingforher。Sometimeshishandaccidentallytouchedhers,andhedidnotdrawitawayasquicklyashemight。Andshe——itwasimpossibleforhertomakeanygesture,muchlesssayanything,thatsuggestedsensitivenessonherpart。Itwouldputhiminanawkwardposition,wouldhumiliatehimmostunjustly。Hefellintothehabitofholdingherhandlongerthanwasnecessaryatgreetingorparting,oftouchinghercaressingly,oflookingatherwiththeeyesofaloverinsteadofafriend。Shedidnotlikethesethings。Forsomemysteriousreason——fromsheerperversity,shethought——shehadtakenastrongphysicaldisliketohim。Perfectlyabsurd,fortherewasnothingintrinsicallyrepellentaboutthishandsome,clean,mostattractivelydressedman,ofthebesttypeofAmericanandNew-Yorker。No,onlyperversitycouldexplainsuchasillynotion。Shewasalwaysafraidhewouldtrytotakeadvantageofherdelicateposition——alwaysafraidshewouldhavetoyieldsomething,sometrifle。yettheideaofgivinganythingfromasenseofobligationwasgallingtoher。Hisveryrefrainingmadehermorenervous,themoreshrinking。

  Ifhewouldonlycommitsomeovertact——seizeher,kissher,makeoutrageousdemands——butthisrefrain-

  ing,thesetouchesthatmightbeaccidentalandagainmightbestealthyapproach——Shehatedtohavehimshakehandswithher,wouldhavelikedtodrawawaywhenhisclothingchancedtobrushagainsthers。

  Soshewasgladofthetalkaboutobligation。Itsethimatadistance,immediately。Heceasedtolooklovingly,toindulgeinthenerve-raspinglittlecaresses。

  Hebecamecarefullyformal。Hewasevidentlyeagertoprovethesincerityofhisprotestations——tooeagerperhaps,herperversemindsuggested。Still,sincereornot,heheldtoalltheformsofsincerity。

  SomefriendsofMrs。Brindley’swhoweregoingabroadofferedhertheircottageontheNewJerseycoastnearSeabright,andabignewtouring-carandchauffeur。SheandMildredatoncegaveuptheplanforasummerintheAdirondacks,themorereadilyasseveralofthemenandwomentheysawthemostoflivedwithineasydistanceofthematDealBeachandElberon。WhenMildredwentshoppingshewasluredintobuyingalotofsummerthingsshewouldnothaveneededintheAdirondacks——amerematteroftwohundredandfiftydollarsorthereabouts。Alittleadditionaleconomyinthefallwouldsoonmakeupforsuchatrifle,andifthereisonetimemorethananotherwhenawomanwishestolookwellandmustlookwell,thattimeissummer——especiallybythesea。

  WhenhermonthlystatementfromthebankcameonthefirstofJulyshefoundthatfivethousanddollarshadbeendepositedtohercredit。Shewasmovedbythisdiscoverytodevoteseveralhours——verydepressedhourstheywere——toherfinances。Shehadspentagreatdealmoremoneythanshehadthought。indeed,sinceMarchshehadbeenlivingattherateoffifteenthousandayear。Shetriedtoaccountforthisamazingextravagance。Butshecouldrecallnoexpenditurethatwasnotreallyalmost,ifnotquite,necessary。IttookafrightfullotofmoneytoliveinNewYork。

  HowDIDpeoplewithsmallincomesmanagetogetalong?

  WhateverwouldhavebecomeofherifshehadnothadthegoodlucktobeabletoborrowfromStanley?Whatwouldbecomeofherif,beforeshewassucceedingonthestage,Stanleyshoulddieorlosefaithinherorinterestinher?Whatwouldbecomeofher!Shehadbeenlivingtheselastfewmonthsamongpeoplewhohadwide-openeyesandkneweverythingthatwasgoingon——anddidsome``going-on’’themselves,asshewasnowmorethansuspecting。Thereweremanywomen,thousandsofthem——amongtheattractive,costilydressedthrongsshesawinthecarriagesandautosandcabs——whowouldnotliketohaveitpublishedhowtheycontrivedtolivesoluxuriously。No,theywouldnotliketohaveitpublished,thoughtheycarednotafigforitsbeingwhispered。NewYorktoothoroughlyunderstoodhownecessaryluxuriouslivingwas,andwastoocompletelydivestedofthefolliesoftheold-fashioned,straight-lacedmorality,tomindlittleshabbydetailsofqueerconductinstrivingtokeepupwiththeprocession。Eventhemarriedwomen,usingtheirhusbands——andlettingtheirhusbandsusethem——didnotfrownontheirregularitiesoftheirsisterslessfortunatelymarriedornotabletofindapermanent``legtopull。’’Asforthegirls——Mildredhadobservedstrangethingsinthelivesofthegirlssheknewmoreorlesswellnowadays。Infact,allthewomen,ofallclassesandconditions,wereengagedinthesamemadstruggletogetholdofmoneytospenduponfunandfinery——astrugglematchinginrecklessnessandresolutenessthestruggleofthemendown-townformoneyforthesamepurposes。Itwascurious,thisdoublemaniaofthemenandthewomen——themaniatogetmoney,nomatterhow。theinstantlysucceedingmaniatogetridofit,nomatterhow。Lookingabouther,Mildredfeltthatshewaspeculiarandapartfromnearlyallthewomensheknew。SHEgothermoneyhonorably。

  SHEdidnotdegradeherself,didnotsellherself,didnotwheedleorcajoleorpretendintheleastdegree。ShehadgrownmoreliberalasheroutlookonlifehadwidenedwithcontactwiththeNewYorkmind——no,withthemindofthewholeeasy-going,luxury-mad,morality-scorningmodernworld。Shestillkeptherstandardforherselfhigh,andbelievedinapurityforherselfwhichshedidnotexactorexpectinherfriends。

  InthisrespectsheandCyrillaBrindleyweresympatheticallyalike。No,Mildredwasconfidentthatinnocircumstances,inNOcircumstances,wouldsherelaxherideasofwhatshepersonallycoulddoandcouldnotdo。

  Notthatsheblamed,orjudgedatall,womenwhodidasshewouldnot。butshecouldnot,simplycouldnot,howeverhardshemightbedriven,dothosethings——

  thoughshecouldeasilyunderstandhowotherwomendidtheminpreferencetosinkingdownintotheworkingclassorekingoutafrowsyexistenceinsomepoorboarding-house。Thetemptationwouldbegreat。

  ThankHeaven,itwasnotteasingher。Shewouldresistit,ofcourse。But——

  WhatifStanleyBairdshouldloseinterest?Whatif,afterhelostinterest,sheshouldfindherselfwithoutmoney,worseofthanshehadbeenwhenshesoldherselfintoslavery——highlymoralandconventionallycorrectslavery,butstillslavery——tothelittlegeneralwiththepeakedpink-silknightcaphidingtheabsenceoftheremovedtoupee——andwiththewonderfulpink-silkpajamas,gorgeouslymonogramedinviolet——

  andthetinyfeetanduglyhands——andthoseloathsomeneedle-pointedmustachesandthehideoushabitofmumblinghistongueandsmackinghislips?Whatif,moneyless,sheshouldnotbeabletofindanotherStanleyoramanoftheclassgentlemanwillingtohelphergenerouslyevenonANYterms?Whatthen?

  Shewaslookingoutoverthesea,herbank-bookandstatementsandcanceledchecksinherlap。Theircottagewasattheveryedgeofthestrand。itsverandawasoftendampfromsprayafterastorm。Itwasnotstormingasshesatthere,``takingstock’’。underablueskyanalmosttranquilseawascrooningsoftlyinthesunlight,innocentandhappyandplayfulasachild。

  She,dressedinacharmingnegligeeandlookingforwardtoamerrydayintheauto,withlunchanddinneratattractive,luxuriousplacesfartherdownthecoast——

  shewasstrickenwithahorriblesadness,withaterrorthatmadeherheartbeatwildly。

  ``Imustbecrazy!’’shesaid,halfaloud。``I’veneverearnedadollarwithmyvoice。Andfortwomonthsithasbeenunreliable。I’mactinglikeacrazyperson。WhatWILLbecomeofme?’’

  JustthenStanleyBairdcamethroughtheprettylittlehouse,seekingher。``Thereyouare!’’hecried。``Dogogetdressed。’’

  Hastilysheflungascarfoverthebookandpapersinherlap。Shehadintendedtospeaktohimaboutthatfreshdepositoffivethousanddollars——torefuseit,torebukehim。Nowshedidnotdare。

  ``What’sthematter?’’hewenton。``Headache?’’

  ``Itwasthewineatdinnerlastnight,’’explainedshe。

  ``Ioughtnevertotouchredwine。Itdisagreeswithmehorribly。’’

  ``Thatwasfilthystuff,’’saidhe。``Youmusttakesomechampagneatlunch。That’llsetyouright。’’

  Shestealthilywoundthescarfaboutthepapers。

  Whenshefeltthatallweresecuresherose。Shewaslookingsweetandsadandpeculiarlybeautiful。Therewasanexquisitesheenonherskin。Shehadwashedherhairthatmorning,anditwasstrayingfascinatinglyaboutherbrowandearsandneck。Bairdlookedather,loweredhiseyesandcolored。

  ``I’llnotbelong,’’shesaidhurriedly。

  Shehadtopasshimintherathernarrowdoorway。

  Fromhergarmentsshookadeliciousperfume。Hecaughtherinhisarms。Thebloodhadflushedintohisfaceinatorrent,swellingouttheveins,givinghimadistortedandwildexpression。

  ``Mildred!’’hecried。``Saythatyoulovemealittle!I’msolonelyforyou——sohungryforyou!’’

  Shegrewcoldwithfearandwithrepulsion。Sheneitheryieldedtohisembracenorshookitoff。Shesimplystood,herroundsmoothbodyhardthoughcorsetless。

  Hekissedheronthethroat,kissedthelaceoverherbosom,cryingoutinarticulately。Inthefrenzyofhispassionhedidnotforawhilerealizeherlackofresponse。Ashefeltit,hisarmsrelaxed,droppedawayfromher,fellathisside。Hehunghishead。Hewasbreathingsoheavilythatsheglancedintothehouseapprehensively,fearingsomeoneelsemighthear。

  ``Ibegpardon,’’hemuttered。``Youweretoomuchformethismorning。Itwasyourfault。Youaremaddening!’’

  Shemovedonintothehouse。

  ``Waitaminute!’’hecalledafterher。

  Shehalted,hesitating。

  ``Comeback,’’hesaid。``I’vegotsomethingtosaytoyou。’’

  Sheturnedandwentbacktotheveranda,heretreatingbeforeherandhiseyessinkingbeforethecold,clearblueofhers。

  ``You’regoingup,nottocomedownagain,’’hesaid。

  ``YouthinkI’veinsultedyou——thinkI’veactedoutrageously。’’

  Howgladshewasthathehadsomisreadherthoughts——hadnotdiscoveredthefear,theweakness,thesuddencollapseofallherboastedconfidenceinherstrengthofcharacter。

  ``You’llneverfeelthesametowardmeagain,’’hewentfatuouslyon。``YouthinkI’mafraud。Well,I’lladmitthatIaminlovewithyou——havebeeneversincethesteamer——alwayswascrazyaboutthatmouthofyours——andyourfigure,andthesoundofyourvoice。I’lladmitI’manutterfoolaboutyou——respectyouandtrustyouasIneverusedtothinkanywomandeservedtoberespectedandtrusted。I’llevenadmitthatI’vebeenhoping——allsortsofthings。Iknewawomanlikeyouwouldn’tletamanhelpherunlessshelovedhim。’’

  Atthisherheartbeatwildlyandablushofshamepouredoverherfaceandneck。Hedidnotsee。Hehadnotthecouragetolookather——tofacethatexpressionoftheviolatedgoddesshefeltconfidentherfacewaswearing。Inlove,hereasonedandfeltaboutherlikeaninexperiencedboy,allhisexperiencegoingfornothing。Hewenton:

  ``Iunderstandwecanneverbeanythingtoeachotheruntilyou’reonthestageandarrived。I’dnothaveitotherwise,ifIcould。ForIwantYOU,andI’dneverbelieveIhadyouunlessyouwerefree。’’

  Thecolorwasfadingfromhercheeks。Atthisitflusheddeeperthanbefore。Shemustspeak。Nottospeakwastolie,wastoplaythehypocrite。Yetspeakshedarednot。AtleastStanleyBairdwasbetterthanSiddall。Anyhow,whowasshe,thathadbeenthewifeofSiddall,tobesofinicky?

  ``Youdon’tbelieveme?’’hesaidmiserably。``YouthinkI’llforgetmyselfsometimeagain?’’

  ``Ihopenot,’’shesaidgently。``Ibelievenot。I

  trustyou,Stanley。’’

  Andshewentintothehouse。Helookedafterher,inadmirationofthesweetandpurecalmofthisquietrebuke。Shetriedtotakethesameexaltedviewofitherself,butshecouldnotfoolherselfjustthenwiththefamiliar``goodwoman’’fake。Sheknewthatshehadstrucktheflagofself-respect。Sheknewwhatshewouldreallyhavedonehadhebeenlessdelicate,lessinlove,andmore``practical。’’Andshefoundasmallandpoorconsolationinreflecting,``Iwonderhowmanywomentherearewhotakehighgroundbecauseitcostsnothing。’’Wearepronetosuspecteverybodyofanyweaknesswefindinourselves——andperhapswearenotsofarwrongasarethosewhoacceptwithoutquestionthenoisyprotestationsofaworldofself-deceivers。

  ThenceforthsheandStanleygotonbetterthanever——apparently。Butthoughsheignoredit,sheknewthetruth——knewhernewanddeepcontentwasduetohernothavingchallengedhisassertionthatshelovedhim。He,believingherhonestandhighminded,assumedthatthefailuretochallengewasagoodwoman’swayofadmitting。Butwiththedayofreckoning——

  notonlywithhimbutalsowithherownself-

  respect——putoffuntilthatvagueandremotetimewhensheshouldbeasuccessfulprimadonna,shegaveherselfuptoenjoyment。Thatwasasummerofrarelyfineweather,particularlyfinealongtheJerseycoast。They——alwaysingayparties——motoredupanddownthecoastandinland。Severalofthe``musical’’men——

  notablyRichardsonofElberon——hadplentyofmoney。

  Stanley,stoppingwithhiscousins,theFrasers,ontheRumsonRoad,broughtseveralofhisfriends,allrichandmoreorlessfree。AseverymomentofMildred’sdaywasfullandasitwasimpossiblenottosleepandsleepwellinthatoceanair,withthesurfsoothingthenervesasthelullabyofanursesoothesababy,shewasabletoputeverythingunpleasantoutofmind。Shewasrestinghervoice,wasbuildingupherhealth。

  thereforethecareerwasbeingsteadilyadvancedandnotimewasbeingwasted。Shefeltsorryforthosewhohadtodounpleasantordisagreeablethingsinmakingtheircareers。Shetoldherselfthatshedidnotdeservehergoodfortuneinbeingabletoadvancetoabrilliantcareernotthroughhardshipbutoverthemostdelightfulroadimaginable——amusingherself,wearingcharmingandsatisfactoryclothes,swimminganddancing,motoringandfeasting。Withoutrealizingit,shewasstronglyunderthedelusionthatshewasherselfalreadyrich——theinevitabledelusionwithawomanwhenshemoveseasilyandfreelyandluxuriouslyabout,neverbotheredformoney,alwaysinthecompanyofrichpeople。Thericharefatedtodemoralizethosearoundthem。Thestingyrichfilltheirsatelliteswithenvyandhatred。Thegenerousrichfillthemwiththefeelingthatthelightbywhichtheyshineandtheheatwithwhichtheyarewarmarenotreflectedlightandheatbuttheirown。

  Neverhadshebeensohappy。SheevendidnotespeciallymindDonaldKeith,afriendofStanley’sandofMrs。Brindley’s,who,muchtoooftentosuither,madeoneoftheparty。ShehadtriedinvaintodiscoverwhattherewasinKeiththatinspiredsuchintenselikingintwopeoplesowidelydifferentasexpansiveandemotionalStanleyBairdandreservedanddistinctlycoldCyrillaBrindley。Keithtalkedlittle,notonlyseemednottolistenwell,butshowedplainly,evenintete-a-teteconversations,thathisthoughtshadbeenelsewhere。

  Hemadenopretenseofbeingotherthanhewas——anindifferentmanwhocamebecauseitdidnotespeciallymattertohimwherehewas。SometimeshissilenceandhisindifferenceannoyedMildred。again——thankstoherprofoundandrecklesscontentment——shewasabletoforgetthathewasalong。Heseemedtobeandprobablywasaboutfortyyearsold。Hisheadwasbeautifullyshaped,thelineofitsprofile——front,top,andback——beingperfectinintellectuality,strengthandsymmetry。Hewasratherunderthemediumheight,aboutthesameheightasMildredherself。Hewasextremelythinandlooselybuilt,andhisclothesseemedtohangawry,givinghimanairofslovenlinesswhichbecamesurprisingwhenonenotedhowscrupulouslyneatandcleanhewas。Hisbrownhair,considerablytingedwithrustygray,grewthinlyuponthatbeautifulhead。Hisskinwasdryandsmoothanddeadwhite。

  This,takenwiththeclassicregularityofhisfeatures,gavehimanairoflifelessness,ofoneburntoutbythefireoftoomuchliving。butwhetherthelivinghadbeendonebyKeithhimselforbyhisimmediateancestorsappearancesdidnotdisclose。Thislookofpassionless,motionlessrepose,likeclassicsculpture,wassharplyandstartlinglybeliedbyapairofreallywonderfuleyes——

  deeplyandintenselyblue,brilliant,allseeing,allcomprehending,eyesthatseemednevertosleep,seemedtheceaselesslyindustriousservantsofabrainthatbusieditselfwithoutpause。Thecontrastbetweenthedeadwhitecalmofhisface,thelistlessnessofhisrelaxedfigure,andthesevivideyes,sointenselyalive,gavetoDonaldKeith’spersonalityanuncanninessthatwasmostdisagreeabletoMildred。

  ``That’swhatfascinatesme,’’saidCyrilla,whentheywerediscussinghimoneday。

  ``Fascinates!’’exclaimedMildred。``He’stiresome——

  whenheisn’trude。’’

  ``Rude?’’

  ``Notactivelyrudebut,worsestill,passivelyrude。’’

  ``HeistheonlymanI’veeverseenwithwhomIcouldimaginemyselffallinginlove,’’saidMrs。Brindley。

  Mildredlaughedinderision。``Why,he’sadeadman!’’criedshe。

  ``Youdon’tunderstand,’’saidCyrilla。``You’veneverlivedwithaman。’’Sheforgotcompletely,asdidMildredherself,socompletelyhadMrs。Siddallreturnedtothemodesandthoughtsofagirl。``Athome——tolivewith——youwantonlyreposefulthings。ThatiswhytheGreeks,whoseinstinctswereunerring,hadsomuchreposefulstatuary。Onegrowswearyofagitatingobjects。Theysoonseemhystericalandshallow。

  Thesamething’strueofpersons。Forpermanentloveandfriendshipyouwantreposefulmen——

  calm,strong,silent。Theotherkindeitherwearyououtorwearthemselvesoutwithyou。’’

  ``Youforgethiseyes,’’putinStanley。``Didyoueverseesucheyes!’’

  ``Yes,thoseeyesofhis!’’criedMildred。``Youcertainlycan’tcallthemreposeful,Mrs。Brindley。’’

  Mrs。Brindleydidnotseizetheopportunitytoconvictherofinconsistency。Saidshe:

  ``Iadmittheeyes。They’retheeyesofthekindofmanawomanwants,oranothermanwantsinhisfriend。

  WhenKeithlooksatyou,youfeelthatyouareseeingtherarestbeingintheworld——anabsolutelyreliableperson。WhenIthinkofhimIthinkofreliable,justaswhenyouthinkofthesunyouthinkofbrightness。’’

  ``Ihadnoideaitwassoseriousasthis,’’teasedStanley。

  ``NorhadI,’’returnedCyrillaeasily,``untilIbegantotalkabouthim。Don’ttellhim,Mr。Baird,orhemighttakeadvantageofme。’’

  TheideaamusedStanley。``Hedoesn’tcarearapaboutwomen,’’saidhe。``Ihearhehasletafewcareabouthimfromtimetotime,buthesoonceasedtobegood-natured。Hehatestobebored。’’

  Ashecamejustthen,theyhadtofindanothersubject。Mildredobservedhimwithmoreinterest。ShehadlearnedtohaverespectforMrs。Brindley’sjudgments。Butshesoongaveoverwatchinghim。Thatprofoundcalm,thoseeyesconcentratingallthelifeofthemanlikeaburningglass——Shehadadisagreeablesenseofbeingseenthrough,eventohersecretestthought,ofbeingunderstoodandmeasuredandweighed——andfoundwanting。Itoccurredtoherforthefirsttimethatpartofthereasonforhernotlikinghimwasthebestofreasons——thathedidnotlikeher。

  Thefirsttimeshewasleftalonewithhim,afterthisdiscovery,shehappenedtobeinanaudaciousandtalkativemood,andhislackofresponsefinallygoadedherintosaying:``WHYdon’tyoulikeme?’’Shecarednothingaboutit。shesimplywishedtohearwhathewouldsay——ifhecouldberousedintosayinganything。

  Hewassittingonthestepsleadingfromtheverandatothesea——wassmokingacigaretteandgazingoutoverthewaveslikeagravenimage,asifhehadalwaysbeenposedthereandalwayswouldbethere,theembodimentofreposegazinginineffableindifferenceupontheembodimentofitsopposite。Hemadenoanswer。

  ``Iaskedyouwhyyoudonotlikeme,’’saidshe。

  ``Didyouhear?’’

  ``Yes,’’repliedhe。

  Shewaited。nothingfurtherfromhim。Saidshe:

  ``Well,givemeoneofyourcigarettes。’’

  Herose,extendedhiscase,thenalight。Hewasneverremissinthosekindsofpoliteness。Whenshewassmoking,heseatedhimselfagainanddroppedintotheformerattitude。Sheeyedhim,wonderinghowitcouldbepossiblethathehadenduredtheincrediblefatiguesandhardshipsStanleyBairdhadrelatedofhim——huntingandexploringexpeditionsintotropicsandintofrozenregions,mountainclimbs,wildseavoyagesinsmallboats,allwithnosignofbeingabletostandanything,yetalsowithnosignofbeinganymoredisturbedthannowinthisseasidelaziness。Stanleyhadshowedthemapictureofhimtakentwentyyearsandmoreagowhenhewasincollege。hehadlookedalmostthesamethen——perhapsalittleolder。

  ``Well,Iamwaiting,’’persistedshe。

  Shethoughthewasabouttolookather——athinghehadneverdone,toherknowledge,sincetheyhadknowneachother。Shenervedherselftoreceivetheshock,withacertainflutterofexpectancy,ofexcitementeven。Butinsteadoflooking,hesettledhimselfinaslightlydifferentpositionandfixedhisgazeuponanotherpointinthehorizon。Shenotedthathehadsplendidhands——idealhandsforaman,withthesamesuggestionofintensevitalityandalivenessthatflashedfromhiseyes。Shehadnotnotedthisbefore。Nextshesawthathehadgoodfeet,andthathisbootswerehisonlyarticleofapparelthatfittedhim,orrather,thatlookedasifmadeforhim。

  Shetossedhercigaretteovertherailtothesand。

  Hestartledherbyspeaking,inhisunemotionalway。

  Hesaid:

  ``Now,Ilikeyoubetter。’’

  ``Idon’tunderstand,’’saidshe。

  Noanswerfromhim。Thecigarettedependinglistlesslyfromhislipsseemed——asusual——uncertainwhetheritwouldstayorfall。Shewatchedthisuncertaintywithacurious,nervousinterest。Shewasalwaysthinkingthatcigarettewouldfall,butitneverdid。

  Saidshe:

  ``Whydidyousayyoulikedmeless?’’

  ``Better,’’correctedhe。

  ``Weusedtohaveapumpinourbackyardathome,’’

  laughedshe。``Onetoiledawayatthehandle,butnothingevercame。Anditwasapromising-lookingpump,too。’’

  Hesmiled——aslow,reluctantsmile,butundeniablyattractive。Saidhe:

  ``Becauseyouthrewawayyourcigarette。’’

  ``Youobjecttowomensmoking?’’

  ``No,’’saidhe。Histonemadeherfeelhowabsurditwastosuspecthimofsuchprovincialism。

  ``YouobjecttoMYsmoking?’’suggestedshe。

  laughing,``Pump!Pump!’’

  ``No,’’saidhe。

  ``Thenyourremarkmeantnothingatall?’’

  Hewassilent。

  ``Youarerude,’’saidshecoldly,risingtogointothehouse。

  Hesaidsomething,whatshedidnothear,inheragitation。Shepausedandinquired:

  ``Whatdidyousay?’’

  ``Isaid,Iamnotrudebutkind,’’repliedhe。

  ``Thatisdetestable!’’criedshe。``Ihavenotlikedyou,butIhavebeenpolitetoyoubecauseofStanleyandMrs。Brindley。Whyshouldyoubeinsultingtome?’’

  ``WhathaveIdone?’’inquiredhe,unmoved。Hehadrisenassherose,butinsteadoffacingherhewasleaningagainstthepostoftheveranda,bentuponhisseawardvigil。

  ``Youhaveinsinuatedthatyourreasonsfornotlikingmewereareflectiononme。’’

  ``Youinsisted,’’saidhe。

  ``Youmeanthattheyare?’’demandedshefuriously。

  Shewasamazedatherwild,unaccountablerage。

  Heslowlyturnedhisheadandlookedather——aglancewithoutanyemotionwhatever,simplyalookthat,likethebeamofapowerfulsearchlight,seemedtothrustthroughfoganddarknessandtolightupeverythinginitspath。Saidhe:

  ``DoyouwishmetotellyouwhyIdon’tlikeyou?’’

  ``No!’’shecriedhysterically。``Nevermind——I

  don’tknowwhatI’msaying。’’Andshewenthastilyintothehouse。Amomentlater,inherownroomupstairs,shewaswonderingatherself。Whyhadshebecomeconfused?Whatdidhemean?Whathadsheseen——orhalfseen——inthedarknessandfogwithinherselfwhenhelookedather?Inapassionshecried:

  ``Ifhewouldonlystayaway!’’

  VI

  BUThedidnotstayaway。HeownedandlivedinasmallhouseupontheRumsonRoad。Whilethehousewaslittlemorethanabungalowandhadasimplicitythatcompletelyhiditsraregoodtastefromtheaverageobserver,itsgroundswerethemostspaciousinthatneighborhoodofcostly,showyhousessetingroundsnotmuchmoreextensivethanacitybuildinglot。Thegroundshadbeenclearedanddrainedtodriveoutandtokeepouttheobnoxiousinsectlife,buthadbeenleftaforest,concealingthehousefromtheroads。StanleyBairdwasnowstoppingwithKeith,andbroughthimalongtothecottagebytheseaeveryday。

  Thepartiesnarrowedtothesamefourpersons。Mrs。

  BrindleyseemednevertotireoftalkingtoKeith——

  ortotireoftalkingabouthimwhenthetwomenhadleft,lateeachnight。AsforStanley,hereferredeverythingtoKeith——theweatherprospects,wheretheyshouldgofortheday,whatshouldbeeatenanddrunk,anypointaboutpoliticsorfashion,lifeorliteratureorwhatnot,thathappenedtobediscussed。AndhelookeduponDonald’smonosyllabicreplytohisinquiryasafinaljudgment,endingallpossibilityofargument。

  Mildredheldoutlong。Then,inspiteofherself,shebegantoyield,ceasedtodislikehim,foundakindofpleasure——or,perhaps,fascinatedinterest——inthenervousnesshissilentandindifferentpresencecausedher。Shelikedtowatchthatimmobile,perfectprofile,neitheryoungnorold,indeednotsuggestingageinanydegree,butonlyexperienceandknowledge——andaninfinitecapacityforemotion,forpassioneven。Thedead-whitecolordeclaredithadalreadybeenlived。

  thebrilliant,usuallyavertedorveiledeyesassertedpresentvitality,pulsingunderacalmsurface。

  OnedaywhenStanley,inthemannerofonewhowishesathingsettledandsettledright,saidhewouldaskDonaldKeithaboutit,Mildred,alittlepiqued,alittleamused,retorted:

  ``Andwhatwillheanswer?Why,simplyyesorno。’’

  ``That’sall,’’assentedStanley。``Andthat’squiteenough,isn’tit?’’

  ``Buthowdoyouknowhe’saswiseashepretends?’’

  ``Hedoesn’tpretendtobeanythingortoknowanything。That’spreciselyit。’’

  MildredsuddenlybegantolikeKeith。Shehadneverthoughtofthisbefore。Yes,itwastrue,hedidnotpretend。Notintheleast,notaboutanything。Whenyousawhim,yousawatoncetheworsttherewastosee。Itwasafterwardthatyoudiscoveredhewasnotslovenly,butcleanandneat,notbadlybutwelldressed,nothomelybuthandsome,notsicklybutsoundlywell,notphysicallyweakbutstrong,notdullbutvividlyalive,notatiresomevoidbutanunfathomablemystery。

  ``Whatdoeshedo?’’sheaskedMrs。Brindley。

  Cyrilla’susuallypositivegrayeyeslookedvague。

  Shesmiled。``Ineverasked,’’saidshe。``I’veknownhimnearlythreeyears,anditneveroccurredtometoask,ortowonder。Isn’tthatstrange?Usuallyaboutthefirstinquirywemakeiswhatamandoes。’’

  ``I’llaskStanley,’’saidMildred。Andshedidaboutanhourlater,whentheywereinthesurftogether,withtheothertwooutofearshot。SaidStanley:

  ``He’salawyer,ofcourse。Also,he’swrittenanovelortwoandabookofpoems。I’veneverreadthem。

  Somehow,Inevergetaroundtoreading。’’

  ``Oh,he’salawyer?That’sthewayhemakeshisliving。’’

  ``Aqueerkindoflawyer。Henevergoestocourt,andhisclientsarealmostallotherlawyers。Theygotohimtogethimtotellthemwhattodo,andwhatnottodo。He’sgotabigreputationamonglawyers,FredNormantellsme,butmakescomparativelylittle,asheeithercan’torwon’tchargewhatheought。I

  toldhimwhatNormansaid,andheonlysmiledinthatqueerwayhehas。Isaid:`Youmaketwentyorthirtythousandayear。Yououghttomaketentimesthat。’’’

  ``Andwhatdidheanswer?’’askedMildred。``Nothing?’’

  ``Hesaid:`ImakeallIwant。IfItookinmore,I’dbebotheredgettingridofitorinvestingit。IcanalwaysmakeallI’llwant——unlessIgocrazy。Andwhatcouldacrazymandowithmoney?Itdoesn’tcostanythingtoliveinalunaticasylum。’’’

  Severalitemsofinteresttoaddtothoseshehadcollected。Hecouldtalkbrilliantly,buthepreferredsilence。Hecouldmakehimselfattractivetowomenandtomen,buthepreferredtobedetached。Hecouldbeagreatlawyer,buthepreferredthequietofobscurity。

  Hecouldbearichman,buthepreferredtobecomparativelypoor。

  SaidMildred:``Isupposesomewoman——somedisappointmentinlove——haskilledambition,andeverythinglikethat。’’

  ``Idon’tthinkso,’’repliedBaird。``Themenwhoknewhimasaboysayhewasalwaysasheisnow。HelivedintheArabiandesertfortwoyears。’’

  ``Whydidn’thestay?’’laughedMildred。``Thatlifewouldexactlysuithim。’’

  ``Itdid,’’saidStanley。``Buthisfatherdied,andhehadtocomehomeandsupporthismother——untilshedied。That’sthewayhiswholelifehasbeen。

  Hedriftsinthecurrentofcircumstances。Hemightlethimselfbeblownawayto-morrowtotheotherendoftheearthandstayawayyears——ornevercomeback。’’

  ``Buthowwouldhelive?’’

  ``Onhiswits。Andaswelloraspoorlyashecared。

  He’sthesortofmaneveryoneinstinctivelyasksadviceof——me,you,hisvalet,thefarmerwhomeetshimataboundaryfence,thefellowwhositsnesthiminatrain——anyone。’’

  Mildreddidnotmerelyceasetodislikehim。shewentfarther,andrapidly。Shebegantolikehim,tocircleroundthattantalizing,indolentmysteryasadeeraboutaqueerbitofbrushintheundergrowth。Shelikedtowatchhim。Shewasalternatelyafraidtotalkbeforehimandrecklesslyconfidential——allwithnoresponseorsignofinterestfromhim。Ifshewassilent,whentheywerealonetogether,hewassilent,too。Ifshetalked,stillhewassilent。WhatWAShethinkingabout?

  Whatdidhethinkofher?——thatespecially。

  ``WhatAREyouthinking?’’sheinterruptedherselftosayoneafternoonastheysattogetheronthestrandunderabigsunshade。Shehadbeentalkingonandonabouthercareer——talkingconceitedly,ashersubjectintoxicatedher——tellinghimwhattriumphsawaitedherassoonassheshouldbereadytodebut。Ashedidnotanswer,sherepeatedherquestion,adding:

  ``Iknewyouweren’tlisteningtome,orIshouldn’thavehadthecouragetosaythefoolishthingsIdid。’’

  ``No,Iwasn’t,’’admittedhe。

  ``Whynot?’’

  ``Forthereasonyougave。’’

  ``ThatwhatIsaidwas——justtalk?’’

  ``Yes。’’

  ``Youdon’tbelieveI’lldothosethings?’’

  ``Doyou?’’

  ``I’veGOTtobelieveit,’’saidshe。``IfIdidn’t——’’

  Shecametoafullstop。

  ``Ifyoudidn’t,thenwhat?’’Itwasthefirsttimehehadeverflatteredherwithinterestenoughtoaskheraquestionaboutherself。

  ``IfIdidn’tbelieveIwasgoingtosucceed——andsucceedbig——’’shebegan。Afterapause,sheadded,``I’dnotdaresayit。’’

  ``Orthinkit,’’saidhe。

  Shecolored。``Whatdoyoumean?’’sheasked。

  Hedidnotreply。

  ``Whatdoyoumean,Mr。Keith?’’sheurged。

  ``Youarealwaysaskingmequestionstowhichyoualreadyknowtheanswer,’’saidhe。

  ``You’rereferringtoaweekorsoago,whenIaskedyouwhyyoudislikedme?’’

  Noanswer。Nosignofhavingheard。Nooutwardsignofinterestinanything,eveninthecigarettedroopingfromthecornerofhismouth。

  ``Wasn’tthatit?’’sheinsisted。

  ``Youarealwaysaskingmequestionstowhichyoualreadyknowtheanswer,’’repeatedhe。

  ``Iamannoyingyou?’’

  Noanswer。

  Shelaughed。``Doyouwantmetogoawayandleaveyouinpeacewiththat——lawcase——orwhateveritis?’’

  ``Idon’tliketobealone。’’

  ``Butanyonewoulddo?——adog?’’

  Noreply。

  ``Youmean,adogwouldbebetterbecauseitdoesn’taskquestionstowhichitknowstheanswer。’’

  Noreply。

  ``Well,Ihaveapleasant-soundingvoice。AsI’msayingnothing,itmaybesoothing——likethesoundofthewaves。I’velearnedtotakeyouasyouare。I

  ratherlikeyourpose。’’

  Noreply。Nosignthathewaseventemptedtorisetothisbaitandprotest。

  ``Butyoudon’tlikemine,’’shewenton。``Yes,itisapose。ButI’vegottokeepitup,andtopretendtomyselfthatitisn’t。Anditisn’taltogether。Ishallbeasuccessfulsinger。’’

  ``When?’’saidhe。Actuallyhewaslistening!

  Sheanswered:``In——abouttwoyears,Ithink。’’

  Nocomment。

  ``Youdon’tbelieveit?’’

  ``Doyou?’’Apause。``Whyaskthesequestionsyou’vealreadyansweredyourself?’’

  ``I’lltellyouwhy,’’repliedshe,herfacesuddenlyflushedwithearnestness。``BecauseIwantyoutohelpme。Youhelpeveryoneelse。Whynotme?’’

  ``Youneveraskedme,’’saidhe。

  ``Ididn’tknowIwantedituntiljustnow——asI

  saidit。ButYOUmusthaveknown,becauseyouaresomuchmoreexperiencedthanI——andunderstandpeople——what’sgoingonintheirminds,deeperthantheycansee。’’Hertonebecameindignant,reproachful。

  ``Yes,youmusthaveknownIneededyourhelp。

  Andyououghttohavehelpedme,evenifyoudiddislikeme。You’venorighttodislikeanyoneasyoungasI。’’

  Hewaslookingathernow,theintenselyaliveblueeyessympathetic,penetrating,understanding。Itwasfrightfultobesothoroughlyunderstood——allone’sweaknesseslaidbare——yetitwasareliefandajoy,too——likethecruelhealingknifeofthesurgeon。Saidhe:

  ``Idonotlikekeptwomen。’’

  Shegasped,grewghastly。Itwasafrightfulinsult,oneforwhichshewaswhollyunprepared。``You——

  believe——that?’’shesaidslowly。

  ``Anotherofthosequestions,’’hesaid。Andhelookedcalmlyaway,outoverthesea,asifhisinterestintheconversationwereatanend。

  Whatshouldshesay?Howdeny——howconvincehim?Forconvincehimshemust,andthengoawayandneverpermithimtospeaktoheragainuntilhehadapologized。Shesaidquietly:``Mr。Keith,youhaveinsultedme。’’

  ``Idonotlikekeptwomen,eitherwithorwithoutalicense,’’saidheinthesameeven,indifferentway。

  ``Whenyouceasedtobeakeptwoman,Iwouldhelpyou,ifIcould。Butnoonecanhelpakeptwoman。’’

  Therewasnothingtodobuttoriseandgoaway。

  Sheroseandwenttowardthehouse。Attheverandashepaused。Hehadnotmoved。Shereturned。Hewasstillinspectingthehorizon,thecigarettedependingfromhislips——howDIDhekeepitalight?Shesaid:

  ``Mr。Keith,Iamsureyoudidnotmeantoinsultme。

  Whatdidyoumean?’’

  ``Anotherofthosequestions,’’saidhe。

  ``Honestly,Idonotunderstand。’’

  ``Thenthink。Andwhenyouhavethought,youwillunderstand。’’

  ``ButIhavethought。Idonotunderstand。’’

  ``Thenitwouldbeuselesstoexplain,’’saidhe。

  ``Thatisoneofthosevitalthingswhich,ifonecannotunderstandthemforoneself,oneishopeless——isbeyondhelping。’’

  ``YoumeanIamnotinearnestaboutmycareer?’’

  ``Anotherofthosequestions。IfyouhadnotseenclearlywhatImeant,youwouldhavebeenreallyoffended。You’dhavegoneawayandnotcomeback。’’

  Shesawthatthiswastrue。And,seeing,shewonderedhowshecouldhavebeensostupidasnottohaveseenitatonce。Shehadyettolearnthatoverlookingtheobviousisauniversalhumanfailingandthatseeingtheobviousisthetalentandtheuseofthesuperiorofearth——thefewwhodominateanddeterminetherace。

  ``Youreproachmefornothavinghelpedyou,’’hewenton。``Howdoesithappenthatyouareuneasyinmind——souneasythatyouarequarrelingatme?’’

  Alightbrokeuponher。``Youhavebeendrawingmeon,fromthebeginning,’’shecried。``Youhavebeenhelpingme——makingmeseethatIneededhelp。’’

  ``No,’’saidhe。``I’vebeenwaitingtoseewhetheryouwouldrousefromyourdreamofgrandeur。’’

  ``YOUhavebeenrousingme。’’

  ``No,’’hesaid。``You’verousedyourself。Soyoumaybeworthhelpingor,rather,worthencouraging,fornoonecanHELPyoubutyourself。’’

  Shelookedathimpathetically。``ButwhatshallI

  do?’’sheasked。``I’vegotnomoney,noexperience,nosense。I’mavain,luxury-lovingfool,cursedwitha——witha——isitaconscience?’’

  ``Ihopeit’ssomethingmoresubstantial。Ihopeit’scommonsense。’’

  ``ButIhavebeenworking——honestlyIhave。’’

  ``Don’tbeginlyingtoyourselfagain。’’

  ``Don’tbeharshwithme。’’

  Hedrewinhislegs,inpreparationforrising——nodoubttogoaway。

  ``Idon’tmeanthat,’’shecriedtestily。``Youarenotharshwithme。It’sthetruththat’sharsh——thetruthI’mbeginningtosee——andfeel。Iamafraid——

  afraid。Ihaven’tthecouragetofaceit。’’

  ``Whywhine?’’saidhe。``There’snothinginthat。’’

  ``Doyouthinkthere’sanyhopeforme?’’

  ``Thatdepends,’’saidhe。

  ``Onwhat?’’

  ``Onwhatyouwant。’’

  ``Iwanttobeasinger,agreatsinger。’’

  ``No,there’snohope。’’

  Shegrewcoldwithdespair。Hehadawayofsayingathingthatgaveitthefullweightofaverdictfromwhichtherewasnoappeal。

  ``Now,ifyouwantedtomakealiving,’’hewenton,``andifyouweredeterminedtolearntosingaswellasyoucould,withtheideathatyoumightbeabletomakealiving——why,thentheremightbehope。’’

  ``YouthinkIcansing?’’

  ``Ineverheardyou。Canyou?’’

  ``TheysayIcan。’’

  ``WhatdoYOUsay?’’

  ``Idon’tknow,’’sheconfessed。``I’veneverbeenabletojudge。SometimesIthinkI’msingingwell,andIfindoutafterwardthatI’vesungbadly。Again,it’stheotherway。’’

  ``Then,obviously,what’sthefirstthingtodo?’’

  ``Tolearntojudgemyself,’’saidshe。``Ineverthoughtofitbefore——howimportantthatis。DoyouknowJennings——EugeneJennings?’’

  ``Thesingingteacher?No。’’

  ``Isheagoodteacher?’’

  ``No。’’

  ``Whynot?’’

  ``Becausehehasnottaughtyouthatyouwillneversinguntilyouareyourownteacher。Becausehehasnottaughtyouthatsingingisasmallandminorpartofacareerasasinger。’’

  ``Butitisn’t,’’protestedshe。

  Alongsilence。Lookingathim,shefeltthathehaddismissedherandheraffairsfromhismind。

  ``Isit?’’shesaid,tobringhimback。

  ``What?’’askedhevaguely。

  ``Yousaidthatasingerdidn’thavetobeabletosing。’’

  ``DidI?’’Heglanceddowntheshoretowardthehouse。``Itfeelslikelunch-time。’’Herose。

  ``Whatdidyoumeanbywhatyousaid?’’

  ``Whenyouhavethoughtaboutyourcaseawhilelonger,we’lltalkofitagain——ifyouwish。Butuntilyou’vethought,talkingisawasteoftime。’’

  Sherose,stoodstaringouttosea。Hewasobservingher,afaintsmileabouthislips。Hesaid:

  ``Whybotheraboutacareer?Afterall,keptwomanisathoroughlyrespectableoccupation——orcanbemadesobyanypreacherorjusticeofthepeace。

  It’sfollowedbymanyofourbestwomen——thosewhopridethemselvesontheirhighcharacters——andontheirpride。’’

  ``IcouldnotbelongtoamanunlessIcaredforhim,’’

  saidshe。``Itrieditonce。Ishallneverdoitagain。’’

  ``Thatsoundsfine,’’saidhe。``Let’sgotolunch。’’

  ``Youdon’tbelieveme?’’

  ``Doyou?’’

  Shesankdownuponthesandandburstintoawildpassionofsobsandtears。Whenherfightforself-

  controlwasoverandshelookeduptoapologizeforherpitifulexhibitionofweakness——andtonotewhethershehadmadeanimpressionuponhissympathies——shesawhimjustenteringthehouse,aquarterofamileaway。Toangersucceededamoodofdesperateforlornness。Shefelluponherselfwithgloomyferocity。

  Shecouldnotsing。Shehadnobrains。Shewastakingmoney——adisgracefullylargeamountofmoney——

  fromStanleyBairdunderfalsepretenses。Howcouldshehopetosingwhenhervoicecouldnotbereliedupon?

  Wasnotherthroatatthatverymomentslightlysore?

  Wasitnotalwaysgoingqueer?She——sing!Absurd。

  DidStanleyBairdsuspect?Washewaitingforthetimewhenshewouldgladlyacceptwhatshemusthavefromhim,onhisownterms?No,notonhisterms,butonthetermssheherselfwouldarrange——

  theonlytermsshecouldmake。No,Stanleybelievedinherabsolutely——believedinhercareer。Whenhediscoveredthetruth,hewouldloseinterestinher,wouldregardherasapoor,worthlesscreature,wouldbeeagertoridhimselfofher。Insteadofreturningtothehouse,shewentintheoppositedirection,madeacircuitandburiedherselfinthewoodsbeyondtheShrewsbury。Shewasmadtogetawayfromherowncompany。buttheonlycompanyshecouldflytowasmoredepressingthanthesolitudeandthetauntandsneerandlashofherownthoughts。Itwaslateintheafternoonbeforeshenervedherselftogohome。Shehopedtheotherswouldhavegoneoffsomewhere。buttheywerewaitingforher,StanleyanxiousandCyrillaBrindleyirritated。HereyessoughtKeith。Hewas,asusual,theindifferentspectator。

  ``Wherehaveyoubeen?’’criedStanley。

  ``Makingupmymind,’’saidsheinthetonethatforewarnsofastorm。

  Abriefpause。ShestruggledinvainagainstanimpulsetolookatKeith。Whenhereyesturnedinhisdirectionhe,notlookingather,movedinhislistlesswaytowardthedoor。Saidhe:

  ``Theauto’swaiting。Comeon。’’

  Shevacillated,yielded,begantoputonthewrapsStanleywascollectingforher。Itwasabigtouring-

  car,andtheysattwoandtwo,withthechauffeuralone。

点击下载App,搜索"The Price She Paid",免费读到尾