Thisadvicequitecoincidingwithhisownopinion，Mr。Pickwickgentlyletdownthewindowanddisengagedthebottlefromthestick：uponwhichthelatterwasdrawnup，andMr。BobSawyerwasheardtolaughheartily。
Whatamerrydogitis！saidMr。Pickwick，lookingroundathiscompanionwiththebottleinhishand。
Heis，saidMr。Allen。
Youcannotpossiblybeangrywithhim，remarkedMr。Pickwick。
Quiteoutofthequestion，observedBenjaminAllen。
Duringthisshortinterchangeofsentiments，Mr。Pickwickhad，inanabstractedmood，uncorkedthebottle。
Whatisit？inquiredBenAllen，carelessly。
Idon’tknow，repliedMr。Pickwick，withequalcarelessness。Itsmells，Ithink，likemilk-punch。
Oh，indeed！saidBen。
Ithinkso，rejoinedMr。Pickwick，veryproperlyguardinghimselfagainstthepossibilityofstatinganuntruth：mind，Icouldnotundertaketosaycertainly，withouttastingit。
Youhadbetterdoso，saidBen。wemayaswellknowwhatitis。
Doyouthinkso？repliedMr。Pickwick。Well。ifyouarecurioustoknow，ofcourseIhavenoobjection。
Everwillingtosacrificehisownfeelingstothewishesofhisfriend，Mr。Pickwickatoncetookaprettylongtaste。
Whatisit？inquiredBenAllen，interruptinghimwithsomeimpatience。
Curious，saidMr。Pickwick，smackinghislips，Ihardlyknow，now。
Oh，yes！saidMr。Pickwick，afterasecondtaste。Itispunch。
Mr。BenAllenlookedatMr。Pickwick。Mr。PickwicklookedatMr。BenAllen。Mr。BenAllensmiled。Mr。Pickwickdidnot。
Itwouldservehimright，saidthelast-namedgentleman，withsomeseverity，itwouldservehimrighttodrinkiteverydrop。
Theverythingthatoccurredtome，saidBenAllen。
Isitindeed？rejoinedMr。Pickwick。Thenhere’shishealth！Withthesewords，thatexcellentpersontookamostenergeticpullatthebottle，andhandedittoBenAllen，whowasnotslowtoimitatehisexample。Thesmilesbecamemutual，andthemilk-punchwasgraduallyandcheerfullydisposedof。
Afterall，saidMr。Pickwick，ashedrainedthelastdrop，hispranksarereallyveryamusing。veryentertainingindeed。
Youmaysaythat，rejoinedMr。BenAllen。InproofofBobSawyer’sbeingoneofthefunniestfellowsalive，heproceededtoentertainMr。
Pickwickwithalongandcircumstantialaccounthowthatgentlemanoncedrankhimselfintoafeverandgothisheadshaved。therelationofwhichpleasantandagreeablehistorywasonlystoppedbythestoppageofthechaiseattheBellatBerkeleyHeath，tochangehorses。
Isay！We’regoingtodinehere，aren’twe？saidBob，lookinginatthewindow。
Dine！saidMr。Pickwick。Why，wehaveonlycomenineteenmiles，andhaveeighty-sevenandahalftogo。
Justthereasonwhyweshouldtakesomethingtoenableustobearupagainstthefatigue，remonstratedMr。BobSawyer。
Oh，it’squiteimpossibletodineathalf-pasteleveno’clockintheday，repliedMr。Pickwick，lookingathiswatch。
Soitis，rejoinedBob，lunchistheverything。Hallo，yousir！
Lunchforthree，directly，andkeepthehorsesbackforaquarterofanhour。Tellthemtoputeverythingtheyhavecold，onthetable，andsomebottledale，andletustasteyourverybestMadeira。Issuingtheseorderswithmonstrousimportanceandbustle，Mr。BobSawyeratoncehurriedintothehousetosuperintendthearrangements。inlessthanfiveminuteshereturnedanddeclaredthemtobeexcellent。
ThequalityofthelunchfullyjustifiedtheeulogiumwhichBobhadpronounced，andverygreatjusticewasdonetoit，notonlybythatgentleman，butMr。BenAllenandMr。Pickwickalso。Undertheauspicesofthethree，thebottledaleandthemadeirawerepromptlydisposedof。andwhenthehorsesbeingoncemoreputtotheyresumedtheirseats，withthecase-bottlefullofthebestsubstituteformilk-punchthatcouldbeprocuredonsoshortanotice，thekey-buglesounded，andtheredflagwaved，withouttheslightestoppositiononMr。Pickwick’spart。
AttheHopPoleatTewkesbury，theystoppedtodine。uponwhichoccasiontherewasmorebottledale，withsomemoreMadeira，andsomePortbesides。
andherethecasebottlewasreplenishedforthefourthtime。Undertheinfluenceofthesecombinedstimulants，Mr。PickwickandMr。BenAllenfellfastasleepforthirtymiles，whileBobandMr。Wellersangduetsinthedickey。
ItwasquitedarkwhenMr。Pickwickrousedhimselfsufficientlytolookoutofwindow。Thestragglingcottagesbytheroad-side，thedingyhueofeveryobjectvisible，themurkyatmosphere，thepathsofcindersandbrick-dust，thedeep-redglowoffurnacefiresinthedistance，thevolumesofdensesmokeissuingheavilyforthfromhightopplingchimneys，blackeningandobscuringeverythingaround。theglareofdistantlights，theponderouswaggonswhichtoiledalongtheroad，ladenwithclashingrodsofiron，orpiledwithheavygoods——allbetokenedtheirrapidapproachtothegreatworkingtownofBirmingham。
Astheyrattledthroughthenarrowthoroughfaresleadingtotheheartoftheturmoil，thesightsandsoundsofearnestoccupationstruckmoreforciblyonthesenses。Thestreetswerethrongedwithworking-people。
Thehumoflabourresoundedfromeveryhouse，lightsgleamedfromthelongcasementwindowsintheatticstories，andthewhirlofwheelsandnoiseofmachineryshookthetremblingwalls。Thefires，whoseluridsullenlighthadbeenvisibleformiles，blazedfiercelyup，inthegreatworksandfactoriesofthetown。Thedinofhammers，therushingofsteam，andthedeadheavyclankingofengines，wastheharshmusicwhicharosefromeveryquarter。
Thepostboywasdrivingbrisklythroughtheopenstreets，andpastthehandsomeandwell-lightedshopswhichintervenebetweentheoutskirtsofthetownandtheOldRoyalHotel，beforeMr。Pickwickhadbeguntoconsidertheverydifficultanddelicatenatureofthecommissionwhichhadcarriedhimthither。
Thedelicatenatureofthiscommission，andthedifficultyofexecutingitinasatisfactorymanner，werebynomeanslessenedbythevoluntarycompanionshipofMr。BobSawyer。Truthtotell，Mr。Pickwickfeltthathispresenceontheoccasion，howeverconsiderateandgratifying，wasbynomeansanhonourhewouldwillinglyhavesought。infact，hewouldcheerfullyhavegivenareasonablesumofmoneytohavehadMr。BobSawyerremovedtoanyplaceatnotlessthanfiftymiles’distance，withoutdelay。
Mr。PickwickhadneverheldanypersonalcommunicationwithMr。Winkle，senior，althoughhehadonceortwicecorrespondedwithhimbyletter，andreturnedsatisfactoryanswerstohisinquiriesconcerningthemoralcharacterandbehaviourofhisson。hefeltnervouslysensiblethattowaituponhim，forthefirsttime，attendedbyBobSawyerandBenAllen，bothslightlyfuddled，wasnotthemostingeniousandlikelymeansthatcouldhavebeenhitupontoprepossesshiminhisfavour。
However，saidMr。Pickwick，endeavouringtore-assurehimself，I
mustdothebestIcan。Imustseehimto-night，forIfaithfullypromisedtodoso。Iftheypersistinaccompanyingme，Imustmaketheinterviewasbriefaspossible，andbecontenttohopethat，fortheirownsakes，theywillnotexposethemselves。
Ashecomfortedhimselfwiththesereflections，thechaisestoppedatthedooroftheOldRoyal。BenAllenhavingbeenpartiallyawakenedfromastupendoussleep，anddraggedoutbythecollarbyMr。SamuelWeller，Mr。Pickwickwasenabledtoalight。Theywereshowntoacomfortableapartment，andMr。PickwickatoncepropoundedaquestiontothewaiterconcerningthewhereaboutofMr。Winkle’sresidence。
Closeby，sir，saidthewaiter，notabovefivehundredyards，sir。
Mr。Winkleisawharfinger，sir，atthecanal，sir。Privateresidenceisnot——ohdearno，sir，notfivehundredyards，sir。Herethewaiterblewacandleout，andmadeafeintoflightingitagain，inordertoaffordMr。Pickwickanopportunityofaskinganyfurtherquestions，ifhefeltsodisposed。
Takeanythingnow，sir？saidthewaiter，lightingthecandleindesperationatMr。Pickwick’ssilence。Teaorcoffee，sir？Dinner，sir？
Nothingnow。
Verygood，sir。Liketoordersupper，sir？
Notjustnow。
Verygood，sir。Here，hewalkedsoftlytothedoor，andthenstoppingshort，turnedround，andsaid，withgreatsuavity：
ShallIsendthechambermaid，gentlemen？
Youmayifyouplease。repliedMr。Pickwick。
Ifyouplease，sir。
Andbringsomesodawater，saidBobSawyer。
Sodawater，sir？Yes，sir。Withhismindapparentlyrelievedfromanoverwhelmingweight，byhavingatlastgotanorderforsomething，thewaiterimperceptiblymeltedaway。Waitersneverwalkorrun。Theyhaveapeculiarandmysteriouspowerofskimmingoutofrooms，whichothermortalspossessnot。
SomeslightsymptomsofvitalityhavingbeenawakenedinMr。BenAllenbythesodawater，hesufferedhimselftobeprevailedupontowashhisfaceandhands，andtosubmittobebrushedbySam。Mr。PickwickandBobSawyerhavingalsorepairedthedisorderwhichthejourneyhadmadeintheirapparel，thethreestartedforth，arminarm，toMr。Winkle’s。BobSawyerimpregnatingtheatmospherewithtobaccosmokeashewalkedalong。
Aboutaquarterofamileoff，inaquiet，substantial-lookingstreet，stoodanoldred-brickhousewiththreestepsbeforethedoor，andabrassplateuponit，bearing，infatRomancapitals，thewords，Mr。Winkle。
Thestepswereverywhite，andthebrickswereveryred，andthehousewasveryclean。andherestoodMr。Pickwick，Mr。BenjaminAllen，andMr。
BobSawyer，astheclockstruckten。
Asmartservantgirlansweredtheknock，andstartedonbeholdingthethreestrangers。
IsMr。Winkleathome，mydear？inquiredMr。Pickwick。
Heisjustgoingtosupper，sir，repliedthegirl。
Givehimthatcardifyouplease，rejoinedMr。Pickwick。SayIamsorrytotroublehimatsolateanhour。butIamanxioustoseehimto-night，andhaveonlyjustarrived。
ThegirllookedtimidlyatMr。BobSawyer，whowasexpressinghisadmirationofherpersonalcharmsbyavarietyofwonderfulgrimaces。andcastinganeyeatthehatsandgreatcoatswhichhunginthepassage，calledanothergirltomindthedoorwhileshewentup-stairs。Thesentinelwasspeedilyrelieved。forthegirlreturnedimmediately，andbeggingpardonofthegentlemenforleavingtheminthestreet，usheredthemintoafloor-clothedbackparlour，halfofficeandhalfdressing-room，inwhichtheprincipalusefulandornamentalarticlesoffurniture，wereadesk，awash-handstandandshavingglass，aboot-rackandboot-jack，ahighstool，fourchairs，atable，andanoldeight-dayclock。Overthemantel-piecewerethesunkendoorsofanironsafe，whileacoupleofhangingshelvesforbooks，andalmanack，andseveralfilesofdustypapers，decoratedthewalls。
Verysorrytoleaveyoustandingatthedoor，sir，saidthegirl，lightingalamp，andaddressingMr。Pickwickwithawinningsmile，butyouwasquitestrangerstome。andwehavesuchamanytrampersthatonlycometoseewhattheycanlaytheirhandson，thatreally——
Thereisnottheleastoccasionforanyapology，mydear，saidMr。
Pickwickgoodhumouredly。
Nottheslightest，mylove，saidBobSawyer，playfullystretchingforthhisarms，andskippingfromsidetoside，asiftopreventtheyounglady’sleavingtheroom。
Theyoungladywasnotatallsoftenedbytheseallurements，forsheatonceexpressedheropinionthatMr。BobSawyerwasanodouscreetur。
and，onhisbecomingrathermorepressinginhisattentions，imprintedherfairfingersuponhisface，andbouncedoutoftheroomwithmanyexpressionsofaversionandcontempt。
Deprivedoftheyounglady’ssociety，Mr。BobSawyerproceededtodiverthimselfbypeepingintothedesk，lookingintoallthetable-drawers，feigningtopickthelockoftheironsafe，turningthealmanackwithitsfacetothewall，tryingonthebootsofMr。Winkle，senior，overhisown，andmakingseveralotherhumorousexperimentsuponthefurniture，allofwhichaffordedMr。Pickwickunspeakablehorrorandagony，andyieldedMr。BobSawyerproportionatedelight。
Atlengththedooropened，andalittleoldgentlemaninasnuff-colouredsuit，withaheadandfacetheprecisecounterpartofthosebelongingtoMr。Winkle，junior，exceptingthathewasratherbald，trottedintotheroomwithMr。Pickwick’scardinonehand，andasilvercandlestickintheother。
Mr。Pickwick，sir，howdoyoudo？saidWinkletheelder，puttingdownthecandlestickandprofferinghishand。HopeIseeyouwell，sir。Gladtoseeyou。Beseated，Mr。Pickwick，Ibeg，sir。Thisgentlemanis——
Myfriend，Mr。Sawyer，interposedMr。Pickwick，yourson’sfriend。
Oh，saidMr。Winkletheelder，lookingrathergrimlyatBob。Ihopeyouarewell，sir。
Rightasatrivet，sir，repliedBobSawyer。
Thisothergentleman，criedMr。Pickwick，is，asyouwillsee，whenyouhavereadtheletterwithwhichIamentrusted，averynearrelative，orIshouldrathersayaveryparticularfriendofyourson’s。HisnameisAllen。
Thatgentleman？inquiredMr。Winkle，pointingwiththecardtowardsBenAllen，whohadfallenasleepinanattitudewhichleftnothingofhimvisiblebuthisspineandhiscoatcollar。
Mr。Pickwickwasonthepointofreplyingtothequestion，andrecitingMr。BenjaminAllen’snameandhonourabledistinctionsatfulllength，whenthesprightlyMr。BobSawyer，withaviewofrousinghisfriendtoasenseofhissituation，inflictedastartlingpinchuponthefleshypartofhisarm，whichcausedhimtojumpupwithashriek。Suddenlyawarethathewasinthepresenceofastranger，Mr。BenAllenadvanced，and，shakingMr。Winklemostaffectionatelybybothhandsforaboutfiveminutes，murmured，insomehalf-intelligiblefragmentsofsentences，thegreatdelighthefeltinseeinghim，andahospitableinquirywhetherhefeltdisposedtotakeanythingafterhiswalk，orwouldpreferwaitingtilldinner-time。
whichdone，hesatdownandgazedabouthimwithapetrifiedstare，asifhehadnottheremotestideawherehewas，whichindeedhehadnot。
AllthiswasmostembarrassingtoMr。Pickwick，themoreespeciallyasMr。Winkle，senior，evincedpalpableastonishmentattheeccentric——nottosayextraordinary——behaviourofhistwocompanions。Tobringthemattertoanissueatonce，hedrewaletterfromhispocket，andpresentingittoMr。Winkle，senior，said：
Thisletter，sir，isfromyourson。Youwillsee，byitscontents，thatonyourfavourableandfatherlyconsiderationofit，dependhisfuturehappinessandwelfare。Willyouobligemebygivingitthecalmestandcoolestperusal，andbydiscussingthesubjectafterwards，withme，inthetoneandspiritinwhichaloneitoughttobediscussed？Youmayjudgeoftheimportanceofyourdecisiontoyourson，andhisintenseanxietyuponthesubject，bymywaitinguponyou，withoutanypreviouswarning，atsolateanhour。and，addedMr。Pickwick，glancingslightlyathistwocompanions，andundersuchunfavourablecircumstances。
Withthisprelude，Mr。Pickwickplacedfourcloselywrittensidesofextrasuperfinewire-wovepenitenceinthehandsoftheastoundedMr。Winkle，senior。Thenreseatinghimselfinhischair，hewatchedhislooksandmanner：
anxiously，itistrue，butwiththeopenfrontofagentlemanwhofeelshehastakennopartwhichheneedexcuseorpalliate。
Theoldwharfingerturnedtheletterover。lookedatthefront，back，andsides。madeamicroscopicexaminationofthefatlittleboyontheseal。raisedhiseyestoMr。Pickwick’sface。andthen，seatinghimselfonthehighstool，anddrawingthelampclosertohim，brokethewax，unfoldedtheepistle，andliftingittothelight，preparedtoread。
Justatthismoment，Mr。BobSawyer，whosewithadlaindormantforsomeminutes，placedhishandsuponhisknees，andmadeafaceaftertheportraitsofthelateMr。Grimaldi，asclown。ItsohappenedthatMr。Winkle，senior，insteadofbeingdeeplyengagedinreadingtheletter，asMr。BobSawyerthought，chancedtobelookingoverthetopofitatnolessapersonthanMr。BobSawyerhimself。rightlyconjecturingthatthefaceaforesaidwasmadeinridiculeandderisionofhisownperson，hefixedhiseyesonBobwithsuchexpressivesternness，thatthelateMr。Grimaldi’slineamentsgraduallyresolvedthemselvesintoaveryfineexpressionofhumilityandconfusion。
Didyouspeak，sir？inquiredMr。Winkle，senior，afteranawfulsilence。
No，sir，repliedBob，withnoremainsoftheclownabouthim，saveandexcepttheextremerednessofhischeeks。
Youaresureyoudidnot，sir？saidMr。Winkle，senior。
Ohdear，yes，sir，quite，repliedBob。
Ithoughtyoudid，sir，rejoinedtheoldgentleman，withindignantemphasis。Perhapsyoulookedatme，sir？
Oh，no！sir，notatall，repliedBob，withextremecivility。
Iamverygladtohearit，sir，saidMr。Winkle，senior。HavingfrownedupontheabashedBobwithgreatmagnificence，theoldgentlemanagainbroughtthelettertothelight，andbegantoreaditseriously。
Mr。Pickwickeyedhimintentlyasheturnedfromthebottomlineofthefirstpagetothetoplineofthesecond，andfromthebottomofthesecondtothetopofthethird，andfromthebottomofthethird，tothetopofthefourth。butnottheslightestalterationofcountenanceaffordedacluetothefeelingswithwhichhereceivedtheannouncementofhisson’smarriage，whichMr。Pickwickknewwasintheveryfirsthalf-dozenlines。
Hereadthelettertothelastword。foldeditagainwithallthecarefulnessandprecisionofamanofbusiness。and，justwhenMr。Pickwickexpectedsomegreatoutbreakoffeeling，dippedapenintheinkstand，andsaidasquietlyasifhewerespeakingonthemostordinarycounting-housetopic：
WhatisNathaniel’saddress，Mr。Pickwick？
TheGeorgeandVulture，atpresent，repliedthatgentleman。
GeorgeandVulture。Whereisthat？
GeorgeYard，LombardStreet。
IntheCity？
Yes。
Theoldgentlemanmethodicallyindorsedtheaddressonthebackoftheletter。andthen，placingitinthedesk，whichhelocked，saidashegotoffthestoolandputthebunchofkeysinhispocket：
Isupposethereisnothingelsewhichneeddetainus，Mr。Pickwick？
Nothingelse，mydearsir！observedthatwarm-heartedpersoninindignantamazement。Nothingelse！Haveyounoopiniontoexpressonthismomentouseventinouryoungfriend’slife？Noassurancetoconveytohim，throughme，ofthecontinuanceofyouraffectionandprotection？Nothingtosaywhichwillcheerandsustainhim，andtheanxiousgirlwholookstohimforcomfortandsupport？Mydearsir，consider。
Iwillconsider，repliedtheoldgentleman。Ihavenothingtosayjustnow。Iamamanofbusiness，Mr。Pickwick。Inevercommitmyselfhastilyinanyaffair，andfromwhatIseeofthis，Ibynomeansliketheappearanceofit。Athousandpoundsisnotmuch，Mr。Pickwick。
You’reveryright，sir，interposedBenAllen，justawakeenoughtoknowthathehadspenthisthousandpoundswithoutthesmallestdifficulty。You’reanintelligentman。Bob，he’saveryknowingfellowthis。
Iamveryhappytofindthatyoudomethejusticetomaketheadmission，sir，saidMr。Winkle，senior，lookingcontemptuouslyatBenAllen，whowasshakinghisheadprofoundly。Thefactis，Mr。Pickwick，thatwhenIgavemysonarovinglicenceforayearorso，toseesomethingofmenandmannerswhichhehasdoneunderyourauspices，sothathemightnotenterintolifeamereboarding-schoolmilk-soptobegulledbyeverybody，Ineverbargainedforthis。Heknowsthat，verywell，soifIwithdrawmycountenancefromhimonthisaccount，hehasnocalltobesurprised。Heshallhearfromme，Mr。Pickwick。Goodnight，sir。Margaret，openthedoor。
Allthistime，BobSawyerhadbeennudgingMr。BenAllentosaysomethingontherightside。Benaccordinglynowburst，withouttheslightestpreliminarynotice，intoabriefbutimpassionedpieceofeloquence。
Sir，saidMr。BenAllen，staringattheoldgentleman，outofapairofverydimandlanguideyes，andworkinghisrightarmvehementlyupanddown，you——yououghttobeashamedofyourself。
Asthelady’sbrother，ofcourseyouareanexcellentjudgeofthequestion，retortedMr。Winkle，senior。There。that’senough。Praysaynomore，Mr。Pickwick。Goodnight，gentlemen！
Withthesewordstheoldgentlemantookupthecandlestick，andopeningtheroomdoor，politelymotionedtowardsthepassage。
youwillregretthis，sir，saidMr。Pickwick，settinghisteethclosetogethertokeepdownhischoler。forhefelthowimportanttheeffectmightprovetohisyoungfriend。
Iamatpresentofadifferentopinion，calmlyrepliedMr。Winkle，senior。Onceagain，gentlemen，Iwishyouagoodnight。
Mr。Pickwickwalked，withangrystrides，intothestreet。Mr。BobSawyer，completelyquelledbythedecisionoftheoldgentleman’smanner，tookthesamecourse。Mr。BenAllen’shatrolleddownthestepsimmediatelyafterwards，andMr。BenAllen’sbodyfolloweditdirectly。Thewholepartywentsilentandsupperlesstobed。andMr。Pickwickthought，justbeforehefellasleep，thatifhehadknownMr。Winkle，senior，hadbeenquitesomuchofamanofbusiness，itwasextremelyprobablehemightneverhavewaiteduponhimonsuchanerrand。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers：Chapter51[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERLIINWHICHMR。PICKWICKENCOUNTERSANOLDACQUAINTANCE，TOWHICHFORTUNATECIRCUMSTANCETHEREADERISMAINLYINDEBTEDFORMATTER
OFTHRILLINGINTERESTHEREINSETDOWN，CONCERNINGTWOGREATPUBLICMEN
OFMIGHTANDPOWER
THEmorningwhichbrokeuponMr。Pickwick’ssight，ateighto’clock，wasnotatallcalculatedtoelevatehisspirits，ortolessenthedepressionwhichtheunlooked-forresultofhisembassyinspired。
Theskywasdarkandgloomy，theairwasdampandraw，thestreetswerewetandsloppy。Thesmokehungsluggishlyabovethechimney-topsasifitlackedthecouragetorise，andtheraincameslowlyanddoggedlydown，asifithadnoteventhespirittopour。Agame-cockinthestable-yard，deprivedofeverysparkofhisaccustomedanimation，balancedhimselfdismallyononeleginacorner。adonkey，mopingwithdroopingheadunderthenarrowroofofanouthouse，appearedfromhismeditativeandmiserablecountenancetobecontemplatingsuicide。Inthestreet，umbrellasweretheonlythingstobeseen，andtheclickingofpattensandsplashingofrain-drops，weretheonlysoundstobeheard。
Thebreakfastwasinterruptedbyverylittleconversation。evenMr。
BobSawyerfelttheinfluenceoftheweather，andthepreviousday’sexcitement。
Inhisownexpressivelanguagehewasfloored。SowasMr。BenAllen。
SowasMr。Pickwick。
Inprotractedexpectationoftheweatherclearingup，thelasteveningpaperfromLondonwasreadandre-readwithanintensityofinterestonlyknownincasesofextremedestitution。everyinchofthecarpetwaswalkedover，withsimilarperseverance。thewindowswerelookedoutof，oftenenoughtojustifytheimpositionofanadditionaldutyuponthem。allkindsoftopicsofconversationwerestarted，andfailed。andatlengthMr。Pickwick，whennoonhadarrived，withoutachangeforthebetter，rangthebellresolutelyandorderedoutthechaise。
Althoughtheroadsweremiry，andthedrizzlingraincamedownharderthanithaddoneyet，andalthoughthemudandwetsplashedinattheopenwindowsofthecarriagetosuchanextentthatthediscomfortwasalmostasgreattothepairofinsidesastothepairofoutsides，stilltherewassomethinginthemotion，andthesenseofbeingupanddoing，whichwassoinfinitelysuperiortobeingpentinadullroom，lookingatthedullraindrippingintoadullstreet，thattheyallagreed，onstarting，thatthechangewasagreatimprovement，andwonderedhowtheycouldpossiblyhavedelayedmakingit，aslongastheyhaddone。
WhentheystoppedtochangeatCoventry，thesteamascendedfromthehorsesinsuchcloudsaswhollytoobscurethehostler，whosevoicewashoweverheardtodeclarefromthemist，thatheexpectedthefirstGoldMedalfromtheHumaneSocietyontheirnextdistributionofrewards，fortakingthepostboy’shatoff。thewaterdescendingfromthebrimofwhich，theinvisiblegentlemandeclaredmustinevitablyhavedrownedhimthepostboy，butforhisgreatpresenceofmindintearingitpromptlyfromhishead，anddryingthegaspingman’scountenancewithawispofstraw。
Thisispleasant，saidBobSawyer，turninguphiscoatcollar，andpullingtheshawloverhismouthtoconcentratethefumesofaglassofbrandyjustswallowed。
Wery，repliedSam，composedly。
Youdon’tseemtomindit，observedBob。
Vy，Idon’texactlyseenogoodmymindin’onit’uddo，sir，repliedSam。
That’sanunanswerablereason，anyhow，saidBob。
Yes，sir，rejoinedMr。Weller。Woteveris，isright，astheyoungnoblemansveetlyremarkedwentheyputhimdowninthepensionlist’coshismother’suncle’svife’sgrandfathervuncelittheking’spipevithaportabletinderbox。
Notabadnotionthat，Sam，saidMr。BobSawyerapprovingly。
Justwottheyoungnoblemansaidev’ryquarter-dayarterwardsfortherestofhislife，repliedMr。Weller。
Wosyouevercalledin，inquiredSam，glancingatthedriver，afterashortsilence，andloweringhisvoicetoamysteriouswhisper：wosyouevercalledin，venyouwos’prenticetoasawbones，towisitapostboy？
Idon’trememberthatIeverwas，repliedBobSawyer。
Youneverseeapostboyinthat’erehospitalasyouwalkedastheysayso’theghosts，didyou？demandedSam。
No，repliedBobSawyer。Idon’tthinkIeverdid。
Neverknow’dachurchyardwheretherewosapostboy’stombstone，orseeadeadpostboy，didyou？inquiredSam，pursuinghiscatechism。
No，rejoinedBob，Ineverdid。
No！rejoinedSam，triumphantly。Nornevervill。andthere’sanotherthingthatnomanneversee，andthat’sadeaddonkey。Nomanneverseeadeaddonkey，’ceptthegen’l’m’nintheblacksilksmallsasknow’dtheyoung’oomanaskepagoat。andthatwosaFrenchdonkey，sowerylikelyhewarn’twuno’thereg’larbreed。
Well，whathasthatgottodowiththepostboys？askedBobSawyer。
Thishere，repliedSam。Withoutgoin’sofarastoas-sert，assomewerysensiblepeopledo，thatpostboysanddonkeysisbothimmortal，wotIsayisthis。thatwenevertheyfeelstheirselvesgettin’stiffandpasttheirwork，theyjustridesofftogether，wunpostboytoapairintheusualway。wotbecomeson’emnobodyknows，butit’sweryprobableastheystartsavaytotaketheirpleasureinsomeothervorld，forthereain’tamanaliveaseversee，eitheradonkeyorapostboy，atakin’hispleasureinthis！
Expatiatinguponthislearnedandremarkabletheory，andcitingmanycuriousstatisticalandotherfactsinitssupport，SamWellerbeguiledthetimeuntiltheyreachedDunchurch，whereadrypostboyandfreshhorseswereprocured。thenextstagewasDaventry，andthenextTowcester。andattheendofeachstageitrainedharderthanithaddoneatthebeginning。
Isay，remonstratedBobSawyer，lookinginatthecoachwindow，astheypulledupbeforethedooroftheSaracen’sHead，Towcester，thiswon’tdo，youknow。
Blessme！saidMr。Pickwick，justawakingfromanap，I’mafraidyou’rewet。
Ohyouare，areyou？returnedBob。Yes，Iam，alittlethatway。
Uncomfortablydamp，perhaps。
Bobdidlookdampish，inasmuchastherainwasstreamingfromhisneck，elbows，cuffs，skirts，andknees。andhiswholeapparelshonesowiththewet，thatitmighthavebeenmistakenforafullsuitofpreparedoilskin。
Iamratherwet，saidBob，givinghimselfashake，andcastingalittlehydraulicshoweraround，likeaNewfoundlanddogjustemergedfromthewater。
Ithinkit’squiteimpossibletogoonto-night，interposedBen。
Outofthequestion，sir，remarkedSamWeller，comingtoassistintheconference。it’sacrueltytoanimals，sir，toask’emtodoit。There’sbedshere，sir，saidSam，addressinghismaster，everythingcleanandcomfortable。Werygoodlittledinner，sir，theycangetreadyinhalfanhour——pairoffowls，sir，andawealcutlet。Frenchbeans，’taturs，tart，andtidiness。You’dbetterstopvereyouare，sir，ifImightrecommend。
Takeadwice，sir，asthedoctorsaid。
ThehostoftheSaracen’sHeadopportunelyappearedatthismoment，toconfirmMr。Weller’sstatementrelativetotheaccommodationsoftheestablishment，andtobackhisentreatieswithavarietyofdismalconjecturesregardingthestateoftheroads，thedoubtoffreshhorsesbeingtobehadatthenextstage，thedeadcertaintyofitsrainingallnight，theequallymortalcertaintyofitsclearingupinthemorning，andothertopicsofinducementfamiliartoinnkeepers。
Well，saidMr。Pickwick。butImustsendalettertoLondonbysomeconveyance，sothatitmaybedeliveredtheveryfirstthinginthemorning，orImustgoforwardatallhazards。
Thelandlordsmiledhisdelight。Nothingcouldbeeasierthanforthegentlemantoinclosealetterinasheetofbrownpaper，andsenditon，eitherbythemailorthenightcoachfromBirmingham。Ifthegentlemanwereparticularlyanxioustohaveitleftassoonaspossible，hemightwriteoutside，Tobedeliveredimmediately，whichwassuretobeattendedto。orpaythebearerhalf-a-crownextraforinstantdelivery，whichwassurerstill。
Verywell，saidMr。Pickwick，thenwewillstophere。
LightsintheSun，John。makeupthefire。thegentlemenarewet！
criedthelandlord。Thisway，gentlemen。don’ttroubleyourselvesaboutthepostboynow，sir。I’llsendhimtoyouwhenyouringforhim，sir。
Now，John，thecandles。
Thecandleswerebrought，thefirewasstirredup，andafreshlogofwoodthrownon。Intenminutes’time，awaiterwaslayingtheclothfordinner，thecurtainsweredrawn，thefirewasblazingbrightly，andeverythinglookedaseverythingalwaysdoes，inalldecentEnglishinnsasifthetravellershadbeenexpected，andtheircomfortsprepared，fordaysbeforehand。
Mr。Pickwicksatdownatasidetable，andhastilyinditedanotetoMr。Winkle，merelyinforminghimthathewasdetainedbystressofweather，butwouldcertainlybeinLondonnextday。untilwhenhedeferredanyaccountofhisproceedings。Thisnotewashastilymadeintoaparcel，anddespatchedtothebarperMr。SamuelWeller。
Samleftitwiththelandlady，andwasreturningtopullhismaster’sbootsoff，afterdryinghimselfbythekitchenfire，when，glancingcasuallythroughahalf-openeddoor，hewasarrestedbythesightofagentlemanwithasandyheadwhohadalargebundleofnewspaperslyingonthetablebeforehim，andwasperusingtheleadingarticleofonewithasettledsneerwhichcurleduphisnoseandallhisotherfeaturesintoamajesticexpressionofhaughtycontempt。
Hallo！saidSam，Ioughttoknowthat’ereheadandthemfeatures。
theeye-glass，too，andthebroad-brimmedtile！Eatansvilltovit，orI’maRoman。
Samwastakenwithatroublesomecough，atonce，forthepurposeofattractingthegentleman’sattention。thegentlemanstartingatthesound，raisedhisheadandhiseye-glass，anddisclosedtoviewtheprofoundandthoughtfulfeaturesofMr。Pott，oftheEatanswillGazette。
Beggin’yourpardon，sir，saidSam，advancingwithabow，mymaster’shere，Mr。Pott。
Hush，hush！criedPott，drawingSamintotheroom，andclosingthedoor，withacountenanceofmysteriousdreadandapprehension。
Wot’sthematter，sir？inquiredSam，lookingvacantlyabouthim。
Notawhisperofmyname，repliedPott。thisisabuffneighbourhood。
IftheexcitedandirritablepopulaceknewIwashere，Ishouldbetorntopieces。
No！Vouldyou，sir？inquiredSam。
Ishouldbethevictimoftheirfury，repliedPott。Now，youngman，whatofyourmaster？
He’sstoppinghereto-nightonhiswaytotown，vithacoupleoffriends，
repliedSam。
IsMr。Winkleoneofthem？inquiredPott，withaslightfrown。
No，sir。Mr。Vinklestopsathomenow，rejoinedSam。He’smarried。
Married！exclaimedPott，withfrightfulvehemence。Hestopped，smileddarkly，andadded，inalow，vindictivetone：Itserveshimright！
Havinggivenventtothiscruelebullitionofdeadlymaliceandcold-bloodedtriumphoverafallenenemy，Mr。PottinquiredwhetherMr。Pickwick’sfriendswereblue？ReceivingamostsatisfactoryanswerintheaffirmativefromSam，whoknewasmuchaboutthematterasPotthimself，heconsentedtoaccompanyhimtoMr。Pickwick’sroom，whereaheartywelcomeawaitedhim。
Anagreementtoclubdinnerstogetherwasatoncemadeandratified。
AndhowaremattersgoingoninEatanswill？inquiredMr。Pickwick，whenPotthadtakenaseatnearthefire，andthewholepartyhadgottheirwetbootsoff，anddryslipperson。IstheIndependentstillinbeing？
TheIndependent，sir，repliedPott，isstilldraggingonawretchedandlingeringcareer。Abhorredanddespisedbyeventhefewwhoarecognisantofitsmiserableanddisgracefulexistence。stifledbytheveryfilthitsoprofuselyscatters。rendereddeafandblindbytheexhalationsofitsownslime。theobscenejournal，happilyunconsciousofitsdegradedstate，israpidlysinkingbeneaththattreacherousmudwhich，whileitseemstogiveitafirmstandingwiththelowanddebasedclassesofsociety，isnevertheless，risingaboveitsdetestedhead，andwillspeedilyengulfitforever。
Havingdeliveredthismanifestowhichformedaportionofhislastweek’sleaderwithvehementarticulation，theeditorpausedtotakebreath，andlookedmajesticallyatBobSawyer。
Youareayoungman，sir，saidPott。
Mr。BobSawyernodded。
Soareyou，sir，saidPott，addressingMr。BenAllen。
Benadmittedthesoftimpeachment。
Andarebothdeeplyimbuedwiththoseblueprinciples，which，solongasIlive，Ihavepledgedmyselftothepeopleofthesekingdomstosupportandtomaintain？suggestedPott。
Why，Idon’texactlyknowaboutthat，repliedBobSawyer。Iam——
Notbuff，Mr。Pickwick，interruptedPott，drawingbackhischair，yourfriendisnotbuff，sir？
No，no，rejoinedBob，I’makindofplaidatpresent。acompoundofallsortsofcolours。
Awaverer，saidPott，solemnly，awaverer。Ishouldliketoshowyouaseriesofeightarticles，sir，thathaveappearedintheEatanswillGazette。IthinkImayventuretosaythatyouwouldnotbelonginestablishingyouropinionsonafirmandsolidbluebasis，sir。
IdaresayIshouldturnveryblue，longbeforeIgottotheendofthem，respondedBob。
Mr。PottlookeddubiouslyatBobSawyerforsomeseconds，and，turningtoMr。Pickwick，said：
YouhaveseentheliteraryarticleswhichhaveappearedatintervalsintheEatanswillGazetteinthecourseofthelastthreemonths，andwhichhaveexcitedsuchgeneral——Imaysaysuchuniversal——attentionandadmiration？
Why，repliedMr。Pickwick，slightlyembarrassedbythequestion，thefactis，Ihavebeensomuchengagedinotherways，thatIreallyhavenothadanopportunityofperusingthem。
Youshoulddoso，sir，saidPott，withaseverecountenance。
Iwill，saidMr。Pickwick。
TheyappearedintheformofacopiousreviewofaworkonChinesemetaphysics，sir，saidPott。
Oh，observedMr。Pickwick。fromyourpen，Ihope？
Fromthepenofmycritic，sir，rejoinedPottwithdignity。
AnabstrusesubjectIshouldconceive，saidMr。Pickwick。
Very，sir，respondedPott，lookingintenselysage。Hecrammedforit，touseatechnicalbutexpressiveterm。hereadupforthesubject，atmydesire，intheEncyclopaediaBritannica。
Indeed！saidMr。Pickwick。IwasnotawarethatthatvaluableworkcontainedanyinformationrespectingChinesemetaphysics。
Heread，sir，rejoinedPott，layinghishandonMr。Pickwick’sknee，andlookingroundwithasmileofintellectualsuperiority，hereadformetaphysicsundertheletterM，andforChinaundertheletterC，andcombinedhisinformation，sir？
Mr。Pott’sfeaturesassumedsomuchadditionalgrandeurattherecollectionofthepowerandresearchdisplayedinthelearnedeffusionsinquestion，thatsomeminuteselapsedbeforeMr。Pickwickfeltemboldenedtorenewtheconversation。atlength，astheEditor’scountenancegraduallyrelaxedintoitscustomaryexpressionofmoralsupremacy，heventuredtoresumethediscoursebyasking：
Isitfairtoinquirewhatgreatobjecthasbroughtyousofarfromhome？
Thatobjectwhichactuatesandanimatesmeinallmygiganticlabours，sir，repliedPott，withacalmsmile。mycountry’sgood。
Isupposeditwassomepublicmission，observedMr。Pickwick。
Yes，sir，resumedPott，itis。Here，bendingtowardsMr。Pickwick，hewhisperedinadeephollowvoice，Abuffball，sir，willtakeplaceinBirminghamto-morrowevening。
Godblessme！exclaimedMr。Pickwick。
Yes，sir，andsupper，addedPot’
Youdon’tsayso！ejaculatedMr。Pickwick。
Pottnoddedportentously。
Now，althoughMr。Pickwickfeignedtostandaghastatthisdisclosure，hewassolittleversedinlocalpoliticsthathewasunabletoformanadequatecomprehensionoftheimportanceofthedireconspiracyitreferredto。observingwhich，Mr。Pott，drawingforththelastnumberoftheEatanswillGazette，andreferringtothesame，deliveredhimselfofthefollowingparagraph。HOLE-AND-CORNERBUFFERY。
Areptilecontemporaryhasrecentlyswelteredforthhisblackvenominthevainandhopelessattemptofsullyingthefairnameofourdistinguishedandexcellentrepresentative，theHonourableMr。Slumkey——thatSlumkeywhomwe，longbeforehegainedhispresentnobleandexaltedposition，predictedwouldonedaybe，ashenowis，atoncehiscountry’sbrightesthonour，andherproudestboast：alikeherbolddefenderandherhonestpride——ourreptilecontemporary，wesay，hasmadehimselfmerry，attheexpenseofasuperblyembossedplatedcoal-scuttle，whichhasbeenpresentedtothatgloriousmanbyhisenrapturedconstituents，andtowardsthepurchaseofwhich，thenamelesswretchinsinuates，theHonourableMr。Slumkeyhimselfcontributed，throughaconfidentialfriendofhisbutler’s，morethanthree-fourthsofthewholesumsubscribed。Why，doesnotthecrawlingcreaturesee，thatevenifthisbethefact，theHonourableMr。Slumkeyonlyappearsinastillmoreamiableandradiantlightthanbefore，ifthatbepossible？
Doesnotevenhisobtusenessperceivethatthisamiableandtouchingdesiretocarryoutthewishesoftheconstituentbody，mustforeverendearhimtotheheartsandsoulsofsuchofhisfellowtownsmenasarenotworsethanswine。or，inotherwords，whoarenotasdebasedasourcontemporaryhimself？Butsuchisthewretchedtrickeryofhole-and-cornerBuffery！
Thesearenotitsonlyartifices。Treasonisabroad。Weboldlystate，nowthatwearegoadedtothedisclosure，andwethrowourselvesonthecountryanditsconstablesforprotection——weboldlystatethatsecretpreparationsareatthismomentinprogressforaBuffball。whichistobeheldinaBufftown，intheveryheartandcentreofaBuffpopulation。whichistobeconductedbyaBuffmasteroftheceremonies。whichistobeattendedbyfourultraBuffmembersofparliament，andtheadmissiontowhich，istobebyBufftickets！Doesourfiendishcontemporarywince？Lethimwrithe，inimpotentmalice，aswepenthewords，WEWILLBETHERE。
There，sir，saidPott，foldingupthepaperquiteexhausted，thatisthestateofthecase！
Thelandlordandwaiterenteringatthemomentwithdinner，causedMr。
Potttolayhisfingeronhislip，intokenthatheconsideredhislifeinMr。Pickwick’shands，anddependedonhissecrecy。Messrs。BobSawyerandBenjaminAllen，whohadirreverentlyfallenasleepduringthereadingofthequotationfromtheEatanswillGazette，andthediscussionwhichfollowedit，wererousedbythemerewhisperingofthetalismanicwordDinnerintheirears：andtodinnertheywentwithgooddigestionwaitingonappetite，andhealthonboth，andawaiteronallthree。
Inthecourseofthedinnerandthesittingwhichsucceededit，Mr。
Pottdescending，forafewminutes，todomestictopics，informedMr。PickwickthattheairofEatanswillnotagreeingwithhislady，shewasthenengagedinmakingatourofdifferentfashionablewatering-placeswithaviewtotherecoveryofherwontedhealthandspirits。thiswasadelicateveilingofthefactthatMrs。Pott，actinguponheroftenrepeatedthreatofseparation，had，invirtueofanarrangementnegotiatedbyherbrother，theLieutenant，andconcludedbyMr。Pott，permanentlyretiredwiththefaithfulbody-guardupononemoietyorhalf-partoftheannualincomeandprofitsarisingfromtheeditorshipandsaleoftheEatanswillGazette。
WhilethegreatMr。Pottwasdwellinguponthisandothermatters，enliveningtheconversationfromtimetotimewithvariousextractsfromhisownlucubrations，asternstranger，callingfromthewindowofastage-coach，outwardbound，whichhaltedattheinntodeliverpackages，requestedtoknow，whether，ifhestoppedshortonhisjourneyandremainedthereforthenight，hecouldbefurnishedwiththenecessaryaccommodationofabedandbedstead。
Certainly，sir，repliedthelandlord。
Ican，canI？inquiredthestranger，whoseemedhabituallysuspiciousinlookandmanner。
Nodoubtofit，sir，repliedthelandlordGood，saidthestranger。Coachman，Igetdownhere。Guard，mycarpet-bag！
Biddingtheotherpassengersgoodnight，inarathersnappishmanner，thestrangeralighted。Hewasashortishgentleman，withverystiffblackhaircutintheporcupineorblacking-brushstyle，andstandingstiffandstraightalloverhishead。hisaspectwaspompousandthreatening。hismannerwasperemptory。hiseyesweresharpandrestless。andhiswholebearingbespokeafeelingofgreatconfidenceinhimself，andaconsciousnessofimmeasurablesuperiorityoverallotherpeople。
ThisgentlemanwasshownintotheroomoriginallyassignedtothepatrioticMr。Pott。andthewaiterremarked，indumbastonishmentatthesingularcoincidence，thathehadnosoonerlightedthecandlesthanthegentleman，divingintohishat，drewforthanewspaper，andbegantoreaditwiththeverysameexpressionofindignantscorn，which，uponthemajesticfeaturesofPott，hadparalysedhisenergiesanhourbefore。Themanobservedtoo，thatwhereasMr。Pott’sscornhadbeenrousedbyanewspaperheadedTheEatanswillIndependent，thisgentleman’switheringcontemptwasawakenedbyanewspaperentitledTheEatanswillGazette。
Sendthelandlord，saidthestranger。
Yes，sir，rejoinedthewaiter。
Thelandlordwassent，andcame。
Areyouthelandlord？inquiredthegentleman。
Iam，sir，repliedthelandlord。
Doyouknowme？demandedthegentleman。
Ihavenotthatpleasure，sir，rejoinedthelandlord。
MynameisSlurk，saidthegentleman。
Thelandlordslightlyinclinedhishead。
Slurk，sir，repeatedthegentleman，haughtily。Doyouknowmenow，man？
Thelandlordscratchedhishead，lookedattheceiling，andatthestranger，andsmiledfeebly。
Doyouknowme，man？inquiredthestranger，angrily。
Thelandlordmadeastrongeffort，andatlengthreplied：Well，sir，Idonotknowyou。
GreatHeaven！saidthestranger，dashinghisclenchedfistuponthetable。Andthisispopularity！
Thelandlordtookasteportwotowardsthedoor。thestrangerfixinghiseyesuponhim，resumed。
This，saidthestranger，thisisgratitudeforyearsoflabourandstudyinbehalfofthemasses。Ialightwetandweary。noenthusiasticcrowdspressforwardtogreettheirchampion。thechurch-bellsaresilent。
theverynameelicitsnoresponsivefeelingintheirtorpidbosoms。Itisenough，saidtheagitatedMr。Slurk，pacingtoandfro，tocurdletheinkinone’spen，andinduceonetoabandontheircauseforever。
Didyousaybrandyandwater，sir？saidthelandlord，venturingahint。
Rum，saidMr。Slurk，turningfiercelyuponhim。Haveyougotafireanywhere？
Wecanlightonedirectly，sir，saidthelandlord。
Whichwillthrowoutnoheatuntilitisbed-time，interruptedMr。
Slurk。Isthereanybodyinthekitchen？
Notasoul。Therewasabeautifulfire。Everybodyhadgone，andthehousedoorwasclosedforthenight。
Iwilldrinkmyrumandwater，saidMr。Slurk，bythekitchenfire。
So，gatheringuphishatandnewspaper，hestalkedsolemnlybehindthelandlordtothathumbleapartment，andthrowinghimselfonasettlebythefireside，resumedhiscountenanceofscorn，andbegantoreadanddrinkinsilentdignity。
Now，somedemonofdiscord，flyingovertheSaracen’sHeadatthatmoment，oncastingdownhiseyesinmereidlecuriosity，happenedtobeholdSlurkestablishedcomfortablybythekitchenfire，andPottslightlyelevatedwithwineinanotherroom。uponwhichthemaliciousdemon，dartingdownintothelast-mentionedapartmentwithinconceivablerapidity，passedatonceintotheheadofMr。BobSawyer，andpromptedhimforhisthedemon’s
ownevilpurposestospeakasfollows：
Isay，we’veletthefireout。It’suncommonlycoldaftertherain，isn’tit？
Itreallyis，repliedMr。Pickwick，shivering。
Itwouldn’tbeabadnotiontohaveacigarbythekitchenfire，wouldit？saidBobSawyer，stillpromptedbythedemonaforesaid。
Itwouldbeparticularlycomfortable，Ithink，repliedMr。
Pickwick。Mr。Pott，whatdoyousay？
Mr。Pottyieldedareadyassent。andallfourtravellers，eachwithhisglassinhishand，atoncebetookthemselvestothekitchen，withSamWellerheadingtheprocessiontoshowthemtheway。
Thestrangerwasstillreading。helookedupandstarted。Mr。Pottstarted。
What’sthematter？whisperedMr。Pickwick。
Thatreptile？repliedPott。
Whatreptile？saidMr。Pickwick，lookingabouthimforfearheshouldtreadonsomeovergrownblackbeetle，ordropsicalspider。
Thatreptile，whisperedPott，catchingMr。Pickwickbythearm，andpointingtowardsthestranger。ThatreptileSlurk，oftheIndependent！
Perhapswehadbetterretire，whisperedMr。Pickwick。
Never，sir，rejoinedPott，pot-valiantinadoublesense，never。
Withthesewords，Mr。Potttookuphispositiononanoppositesettle，andselectingonefromalittlebundleofnewspapers，begantoreadagainsthisenemy。
Mr。Pott，ofcourse，readtheIndependent，andMr。Slurk，ofcourse，readtheGazette。andeachgentlemanaudiblyexpressedhiscontemptoftheother’scompositionsbybitterlaughsandsarcasticsniffs。whencetheyproceededtomoreopenexpressionsofopinion，suchasabsurd，wretched，
atrocity，humbug，knavery，dirt，filth，slime，ditch-water，
andothercriticalremarksofthelikenature。
BothMr。BobSawyerandMr。BenAllenhadbeheldthesesymptomsofrivalryandhatred，withadegreeofdelightwhichimpartedgreatadditionalrelishtothecigarsatwhichtheywerepuffingmostvigorously。Themomenttheybegantoflag，themischievousMr。BobSawyer，addressingSlurkwithgreatpoliteness，said：
Willyouallowmetolookatyourpaper，sir，whenyouhavequitedonewithit！
Youwillfindverylittletorepayyouforyourtroubleinthiscontemptiblething，sir，repliedSlurk，bestowingaSatanicfrownonPott。
Youshallhavethispresently，saidPott，lookingup，palewithrage，andquiveringinhisspeech，fromthesamecause。Ha！ha！youwillbeamusedwiththisfellow’saudacity。
Terrificemphasiswaslaiduponthisthingandfellow。andthefacesofbotheditorsbegantoglowwithdefiance。
Theribaldryofthismiserablemanisdespicablydisgusting，saidPott，pretendingtoaddressBobSawyer，andscowlinguponSlurk。
Here，Mr。Slurklaughedveryheartily，andfoldingupthepapersoastogetatafreshcolumnconveniently，said，thattheblockheadreallyamusedhim。
Whatanimpudentblundererthisfellowis，saidPott，turningfrompinktocrimson。
Didyoueverreadanyofthisman’sfoolery，sir？inquiredSlurk，ofBobSawyer。
Never，repliedBob。isitverybad？
Oh，shocking！shocking！rejoinedSlurk。
Really！Dearme，thisistooatrocious！exclaimedPott，atthisjuncture。
stillfeigningtobeabsorbedinhisreading。
Ifyoucanwadethroughafewsentencesofmalice，meanness，falsehood，perjury，treachery，andcant，saidSlurk，handingthepapertoBob，youwill，perhaps，besomewhatrepaidbyalaughatthestyleofthisungrammaticaltwaddler。
What’sthatyousaid，sir？inquiredMr。Pott，lookingup，tremblingalloverwithpassion。
What’sthattoyou，sir？repliedSlurk。
Ungrammaticaltwaddler，wasit，sir？saidPott。
Yes，sir，itwas，repliedSlurk。andbluebore，sir，ifyoulikethatbetter。ha！ha！
Mr。Pottretortednotawordtothisjocoseinsult，butdeliberatelyfoldeduphiscopyoftheIndependent，flatteneditcarefullydown，crusheditbeneathhisboot，spatuponitwithgreatceremony，andflungitintothefire。
There，sir，saidPott，retreatingfromthestove，andthat’sthewayIwouldservetheviperwhoproducesit，ifIwerenot，fortunatelyforhim，restrainedbythelawsofmycountry。
Servehimso，sir！criedSlurk，startingup。Thoselawsshallneverbeappealedtobyhim，sir，insuchacase。Servehimso，sir！
Hear！hear！saidBobSawyer。
Nothingcanbefairer，observedMr。BenAllen。
Servehimso，sir！reiteratedSlurk，inaloudvoice。
Mr。Pottdartedalookofcontempt，whichmighthavewitheredananchor。
Servehimso，sir！reiteratedSlurk，inaloudervoicethanbefore。
Iwillnot，sir，rejoinedPott。
Oh，youwon’t，you，sir？saidMr。Slurk，inatauntingmanner。youhearthis，gentlemen！Hewon’t。notthathe’safraid。oh，no！hewon’t。
Ha！ha！
Iconsideryou，sir，saidMr。Pott，movedbythissarcasm，Iconsideryouaviper。Ilookuponyou，sir，asamanwhohasplacedhimselfbeyondthepaleofsociety，byhismostaudacious，disgraceful，andabominablepublicconduct。Iviewyou，sir，personallyandpolitically，innootherlightthanasamostunparalleledandunmitigatedviper。
TheindignantIndependentdidnotwaittoheartheendofthispersonaldenunciation。for，catchinguphiscarpetbag，whichwaswellstuffedwithmovables，heswungitintheairasPottturnedaway，and，lettingitfallwithacircularsweeponhishead，justatthatparticularangleofthebagwhereagoodthickhair-brushhappenedtobepacked，causedasharpcrashtobeheardthroughoutthekitchen，andbroughthimatoncetotheground。
Gentlemen，criedMr。Pickwick，asPottstartedupandseizedthefire-shovel，gentlemen！Consider，forHeaven’ssake——help——Sam——here——pray，gentlemen——interfere，somebody。
Utteringtheseincoherentexclamations，Mr。Pickwickrushedbetweentheinfuriatedcombatantsjustintimetoreceivethecarpet-bagononesideofhisbody，andthefireshovelontheother。WhethertherepresentativesofthepublicfeelingofEatanswillwereblindedbyanimosity，orbeingbothacutereasonerssawtheadvantageofhavingathirdpartybetweenthemtobearalltheblows，certainitisthattheypaidnottheslightestattentiontoMr。Pickwick，butdefyingeachotherwithgreatspiritpliedthecarpet-bagandthefire-shovelmostfearlessly。Mr。Pickwickwouldunquestionablyhavesufferedseverelyforhishumaneinterference，ifMr。
Weller，attractedbyhismaster’scries，hadnotrushedinatthemoment，and，snatchingupameal-sack，effectuallystoppedtheconflictbydrawingitovertheheadandshouldersofthemightyPott，andclaspinghimtightroundtheshoulders。
Takeavaythat’erebagfromthet’othermadman，saidSamtoBenAllenandBobSawyer，whohaddonenothingbutdodgeroundthegroup，eachwithatortoise-shelllancetinhishand，readytobleedthefirstmanstunned。
Giveitup，youwretchedlittlecreetur，orI’llsmotheryouinit。
Awedbythesethreats，andquiteoutofbreath，theIndependentsufferedhimselftobedisarmed。andMr。Weller，removingtheextinguisherfromPott，sethimfreewithacaution。
Youtakeyourselvesofftobedquietly，saidSam，orI’llputyoubothinit，andletyoufightitoutviththemouthtied，asIvouldadozensich，iftheyplayedthesegames。Andyouhavethegoodnesstocomethishereway，sir，ifyouplease。
Thusaddressinghismaster，Samtookhimbythearm，andledhimoff，whiletherivaleditorswereseverallyremovedtotheirbedsbythelandlord，undertheinspectionofMr。BobSawyerandMr。BenjaminAllen。breathing，astheywentaway，manysanguinarythreats，andmakingvagueappointmentsformortalcombatnextday。Whentheycametothinkitover，however，itoccurredtothemthattheycoulddoitmuchbetterinprint，sotheyrecommenceddeadlyhostilitieswithoutdelay。andallEatanswillrungwiththeirboldness——onpaper。
Theyhadtakenthemselvesoffinseparatecoaches，earlynextmorning，beforetheothertravellerswerestirring。andtheweatherhavingnowclearedup，thechaisecompanionsoncemoreturnedtheirfacestoLondon。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers：Chapter52[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERLIIINVOLVINGASERIOUSCHANGEINTHEWELLERFAMILY，ANDTHEUNTIMELYDOWNFALLOFTHERED-NOSEDMR。STIGGINS
CONSIDERINGitamatterofdelicacytoabstainfromintroducingeitherBobSawyerorBenAllentotheyoungcouple，untiltheywerefullypreparedtoexpectthem，andwishingtospareArabella’sfeelingsasmuchaspossible，Mr。PickwickproposedthatheandSamshouldalightintheneighbourhoodoftheGeorgeandVulture，andthatthetwoyoungmenshouldforthepresenttakeuptheirquarterselsewhere。Tothis，theyveryreadilyagreed，andthepropositionwasaccordinglyactedupon。
Mr。BenAllenandMr。BobSawyerbetakingthemselvestoasequesteredpot-shopontheremotestconfinesoftheBorough，behindthebar-doorofwhichtheirnameshadinotherdaysveryoftenappeared，attheheadoflongandcomplexcalculationsworkedinwhitechalk。
Dearme，Mr。Weller，saidtheprettyhousemaid，meetingSamatthedoor。
DearmeIvishitvos，mydear，repliedSam，droppingbehind，tolethismastergetoutofhearing。Wotasweetlookin’creeturyouare，Mary！
Lor’，Mr。Weller，whatnonsenseyoudotalk！saidMary。Oh！don’t，Mr。Weller。
Don’twhat，mydear？saidSam。
Why，that，repliedtheprettyhousemaid。Lor’，dogetalongwithyou。Thusadmonishinghim，theprettyhousemaidpushedSamagainstthewall，declaringthathehadtumbledhercap，andputherhairquiteoutofcurl。
AndpreventedwhatIwasgoingtosay，besides，addedMary。There’saletterbeenwaitinghereforyoufourdays。youhadn’tbeengoneaway，halfanhour，whenitcame。andmorethanthat，it’sgot，immediate，ontheoutside。
Vereisit，mylove？inquiredSam。
Itookcareofit，foryou，orIdaresayitwouldhavebeenlostlongbeforethis，repliedMary。There，takeit。it’smorethanyoudeserve。
Withthesewords，aftermanyprettylittlecoquettishdoubtsandfears，andwishesthatshemightnothavelostit，Maryproducedtheletterfrombehindthenicestlittlemuslintuckerpossible，andhandedittoSam，whothereuponkisseditwithmuchgallantryanddevotion。
Mygoodnessme！saidMary，adjustingthetucker，andfeigningunconsciousness，youseemtohavegrownveryfondofitallatonce。
TothisMr。Welleronlyrepliedbyawink，theintensemeaningofwhichnodescriptioncouldconveythefaintestideaof。and，sittinghimselfdownbesideMaryonawindow-seat，openedtheletterandglancedatthecontents。
Hallo！exclaimedSam，wot’sallthis？
Nothingthematter，Ihope？saidMary，peepingoverhisshoulder。
Blessthemeyeso’yourn！saidSam，lookingup。
Nevermindmyeyes。youhadmuchbetterreadyourletter，saidtheprettyhousemaid。andasshesaidso，shemadetheeyestwinklewithsuchslynessandbeautythattheywereperfectlyirresistible。