[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers：Chapter30[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERXXXHOWTHEPICKWICKIANSMADEANDCULTIVATEDTHEACQUAINTANCE
OFACOUPLEOFNICEYOUNGMENBELONGINGTOONEOFTHELIBERALPROFESSIONS。
HOWTHEYDISPORTEDTHEMSELVESONTHEICE。ANDHOWTHEIRFIRSTVISITCAME
TOACONCLUSION
WELL，Sam，saidMr。Pickwickasthatfavouredservitorenteredhisbed-chamberwithhiswarmwater，onthemorningofChristmasDay，Stillfrosty？
Waterinthewash-handbasin’samasko’ice，sir，respondedSam。
Severeweather，Sam，observedMr。Pickwick。
Finetimeforthemasiswellwroppedup，asthePolarBearsaidtohimself，venhewaspractisinghisskating，repliedMr。Weller。
Ishallbedowninaquarterofanhour，Sam，saidMr。Pickwick，untyinghisnightcap。
Werygood，sir，repliedSam。There’sacoupleo’Sawbonesdown-stairs。
Acoupleofwhat！exclaimedMr。Pickwick，sittingupinbed。
Acoupleo’Sawbones，saidSam。
What’saSawbones？inquiredMr。Pickwick，notquitecertainwhetheritwasaliveanimal，orsomethingtoeat。
What！Don’tyouknowwhataSawbonesis，sir？inquiredMr。Weller。
Ithoughteverybodyknow’dasaSawboneswasaSurgeon。
Oh，aSurgeon，eh？saidMr。Pickwick，withasmile。
Justthat，sir，repliedSam。Thesehereonesasisbelow，though，ain’treg’larthorough-bredSawbones。they’reonlyintrainin’。
Inotherwordsthey’reMedicalStudents，Isuppose？saidMr。Pickwick。
SamWellernoddedassent。
Iamgladofit，saidMr。Pickwick，castinghisnightcapenergeticallyonthecounterpane，Theyarefinefellows。veryfinefellows。withjudgmentsmaturedbyobservationandreflection。tastesrefinedbyreadingandstudy。
Iamverygladofit。
They’reasmokin’cigarsbythekitchenfire，saidSam。
Ah！observedMr。Pickwick，rubbinghishands，over-flowingwithkindlyfeelingsandanimalspirits。JustwhatIliketosee。
Andoneon’em，saidSam，notnoticinghismaster’sinterruption，oneon’em’sgothislegsonthetable，andisadrinkin’brandyneat，vilethet’otherone——himinthebarnacles——hasgotabarrelo’oystersatweenhisknees，wichhe’saopenin’likesteam，andasfastasheeats’em，hetakesaaimviththeshellsatyoungdropsy，who’sasittin’downfastasleep，inthechimbleycorner。
Eccentricitiesofgenius，Sam，saidMr。Pickwick。Youmayretire。
Samdidretireaccordingly。Mr。Pickwick，attheexpirationofthequarterofanhour，wentdowntobreakfast。
Hereheisatlast！saidoldMr。Wardle。Pickwick，thisisMissAllen’sbrother，Mr。BenjaminAllen。Benwecallhim，andsomayyouifyoulike。
Thisgentlemanishisveryparticularfriend，Mr——
Mr。BobSawyer，interposedMr。BenjaminAllen。whereuponMr。BobSawyerandMr。BenjaminAllenlaughedinconcert。
Mr。PickwickbowedtoBobSawyer，andBobSawyerbowedtoMr。Pickwick。
Bobandhisveryparticularfriendthenappliedthemselvesmostassiduouslytotheeatablesbeforethem。andMr。Pickwickhadanopportunityofglancingatthemboth。
Mr。BenjaminAllenwasacoarse，stout，thick-setyoungman，withblackhaircutrathershort，andawhitefacecutratherlong。Hewasembellishedwithspectacles，andworeawhiteneckerchief。Belowhissingle-breastedblacksurtout，whichwasbuttoneduptohischin，appearedtheusualnumberofpepper-and-saltcolouredlegs，terminatinginapairofimperfectlypolishedboots。Althoughhiscoatwasshortinthesleeves，itdisclosednovestigeofalinenwrist-band。andalthoughtherewasquiteenoughofhisfacetoadmitoftheencroachmentofashirtcollar，itwasnotgracedbythesmallestapproachtothatappendage。Hepresented，altogether，ratheramildewyappearance，andemittedafragrantodouroffull-flavouredCubas。
Mr。BobSawyer，whowashabitedinacoarsebluecoat，which，withoutbeingeitheragreat-coatorasurtout，partookofthenatureandqualitiesofboth，hadabouthimthatsortofslovenlysmartness，andswaggeringgait，whichispeculiartoyounggentlemenwhosmokeinthestreetsbyday，shoutandscreaminthesamebynight，callwaitersbytheirChristiannames，anddovariousotheractsanddeedsofanequallyfacetiousdescription。
Heworeapairofplaidtrousers，andalargeroughdouble-breastedwaistcoat。
outofdoors，hecarriedathickstickwithabigtop。Heeschewedgloves，andlooked，uponthewhole，somethinglikeadissipatedRobinsonCrusoe。
SuchwerethetwoworthiestowhomMr。Pickwickwasintroduced，ashetookhisseatatthebreakfasttableonChristmasmorning。
Splendidmorning，gentlemen，saidMr。Pickwick。
Mr。BobSawyerslightlynoddedhisassenttotheproposition，andaskedMr。BenjaminAllenforthemustard。
Haveyoucomefarthismorning，gentlemen？inquiredMr。Pickwick。
BlueLionatMuggleton，brieflyrespondedMr。Allen。
Youshouldhavejoineduslastnight，saidMr。Pickwick。
Soweshould，repliedBobSawyer，butthebrandywastoogoodtoleaveinahurry：wasn’tit，Ben？
Certainly，saidMr。BenjaminAllen。andthecigarswerenotbad，ortheporkchopseither：werethey，Bob？
Decidedlynot，saidBob。Theparticularfriendsresumedtheirattackuponthebreakfast，morefreelythanbefore，asiftherecollectionoflastnight’ssupperhadimpartedanewrelishtothemeal。
Pegaway，Bob，saidMr。Allentohiscompanion，encouragingly。
SoIdo，repliedBobSawyer。Andso，todohimjustice，hedid。
Nothinglikedissecting，togiveoneanappetite，saidMr。BobSawyer，lookingroundthetable。
Mr。Pickwickslightlyshuddered。
Bythebye，Bob，saidMr。Allen，haveyoufinishedthatlegyet？
Nearly，repliedSawyer，helpinghimselftohalfafowlashespoke。
It’saverymuscularoneforachild’s。
Isit？inquiredMr。Allen，carelessly。
Very，saidBobSawyer，withhismouthfull。
I’veputmynamedownforanarm，atourplace，saidMr。Allen。We’reclubbingforasubject，andthelistisnearlyfull，onlywecan’tgetholdofanyfellowthatwantsahead。Iwishyou’dtakeit。
No，repliedBobSawyer。can’taffordexpensiveluxuries。
Nonsense！saidAllen。
Can’tindeed，rejoinedBobSawyer。Iwouldn’tmindabrain，butI
couldn’tstandawholehead。
Hush，hush，gentlemen，pray，saidMr。Pickwick，Iheartheladies。
AsMr。Pickwickspoke，theladies，gallantlyescortedbyMessrs。Snodgrass，Winkle，andTupman，returnedfromanearlywalk。
Why，Ben！saidArabella，inatonewhichexpressedmoresurprisethanpleasureatthesightofherbrother。
Cometotakeyouhometo-morrow，repliedBenjamin。
Mr。Winkleturnedpale。
Don’tyouseeBobSawyer，Arabella？inquiredMr。BenjaminAllen，somewhatreproachfully。Arabellagracefullyheldoutherhand，inacknowledgmentofBobSawyer’spresence。AthrillofhatredstrucktoMr。Winkle’sheart，asBobSawyerinflictedontheprofferedhandaperceptiblesqueeze。
Ben，dear！saidArabella，blushing。have——have——youbeenintroducedtoMr。Winkle？
Ihavenotbeen，butIshallbeveryhappytobe，Arabella，repliedherbrothergravely。HereMr。AllenbowedgrimlytoMr。Winkle，whileMr。
WinkleandMr。BobSawyerglancedmutualdistrustoutofthecornersoftheireyes。
Thearrivalofthetwonewvisitors，andtheconsequentcheckuponMr。
Winkleandtheyoungladywiththefurroundherboots，wouldinallprobabilityhaveprovedaveryunpleasantinterruptiontothehilarityoftheparty，hadnotthecheerfulnessofMr。Pickwick，andthegoodhumourofthehost，beenexertedtotheveryutmostforthecommonweal。Mr。WinklegraduallyinsinuatedhimselfintothegoodgracesofMr。BenjaminAllen，andevenjoinedinafriendlyconversationwithMr。BobSawyer。who，enlivenedwiththebrandy，andthebreakfast，andthetalking，graduallyripenedintoastateofextremefacetiousness，andrelatedwithmuchgleeanagreeableanecdote，abouttheremovalofatumouronsomegentleman’shead：whichheillustratedbymeansofanoyster-knifeandahalf-quarternloaf，tothegreatedificationoftheassembledcompany。Then，thewholetrainwenttochurch，whereMr。BenjaminAllenfellfastasleep：whileMr。BobSawyerabstractedhisthoughtsfromworldlymatters，bytheingeniousprocessofcarvinghisnameontheseatofthepew，incorpulentlettersoffourincheslong。
Now，saidWardle，afterasubstantiallunch，withtheagreeableitemsofstrongbeerandcherry-brandy，hadbeendoneamplejusticeto。whatsayyoutoanhourontheice？Weshallhaveplentyoftime。
Capital！saidMr。BenjaminAllen。
Prime！ejaculatedMr。BobSawyer。
Youskate，ofcourse，Winkle？saidWardle。
Ye-yes。oh，yes，repliedMr。Winkle。I——I——amratheroutofpractice。
Oh，doskate，Mr。Winkle，saidArabella。Iliketoseeitsomuch。
Oh，itissograceful，saidanotheryounglady。
Athirdyoungladysaiditwaselegant，andafourthexpressedheropinionthatitwasswan-like。
Ishouldbeveryhappy，I’msure，saidMr。Winkle，reddening。butIhavenoskates。
Thisobjectionwasatonceoverruled。Trundlehadacoupleofpair，andthefatboyannouncedthattherewerehalf-a-dozenmoredown-stairs：
whereatMr。Winkleexpressedexquisitedelight，andlookedexquisitelyuncomfortable。
OldWardleledthewaytoaprettylargesheetofice。andthefatboyandMr。Weller，havingshovelledandsweptawaythesnowwhichhadfallenonitduringthenight，Mr。BobSawyeradjustedhisskateswithadexteritywhichtoMr。Winklewasperfectlymarvellous，anddescribedcircleswithhisleftleg，andcutfiguresofeight，andinscribedupontheice，withoutoncestoppingforbreath，agreatmanyotherpleasantandastonishingdevices，totheexcessivesatisfactionofMr。Pickwick，Mr。Tupman，andtheladies：
whichreachedapitchofpositiveenthusiasm，whenoldWardleandBenjaminAllen，assistedbytheaforesaidBobSawyer，performedsomemysticevolutions，whichtheycalledareel。
Allthistime，Mr。Winkle，withhisfaceandhandsbluewiththecold，hadbeenforcingagimletintothesolesofhisfeet，andputtinghisskateson，withthepointsbehind，andgettingthestrapsintoaverycomplicatedandentangledstate，withtheassistanceofMr。Snodgrass，whoknewratherlessaboutskatesthanaHindoo。Atlength，however，withtheassistanceofMr。Weller，theunfortunateskateswerefirmlyscrewedandbuckledon，andMr。Winklewasraisedtohisfeet。
Now，then，sir，saidSam，inanencouragingtone。offvithyou，andshow’emhowtodoit。
Stop，Sam，stop！saidMr。Winkle，tremblingviolently，andclutchingholdofSam’sarmswiththegraspofadrowningman。Howslipperyitis，Sam！
Notanuncommonthinguponice，sir，repliedMr。Weller。Holdup，sir！
ThislastobservationofMr。Weller’sborereferencetoademonstrationMr。Winklemadeattheinstant，ofafranticdesiretothrowhisfeetintheair，anddashthebackofhisheadontheice。
These——these——areveryawkwardskates。ain’tthey，Sam？inquiredMr。
Winkle，staggering。
I’mafeerdthere’saorkardgen’l’m’nin’em，sir，repliedSam。
Now，Winkle，criedMr。Pickwick，quiteunconsciousthattherewasanythingthematter。Come。theladiesareallanxiety。
Yes，yes，repliedMr。Winkle，withaghastlysmile。I’mcoming。
Justagoin’tobegin，saidSam，endeavouringtodisengagehimself。
Now，sir，startoff！
Stopaninstant，Sam，gaspedMr。Winkle，clingingmostaffectionatelytoMr。Weller。IfindI’vegotacoupleofcoatsathomethatIdon’twant，Sam。Youmayhavethem，Sam。
Thank’ee，sir，repliedMr。Weller。
Nevermindtouchingyourhat，Sam，saidMr。Winkle，hastily。Youneedn’ttakeyourhandawaytodothat。ImeanttohavegivenyoufiveshillingsthismorningforaChristmas-box，Sam。I’llgiveityouthisafternoon，Sam。
You’rewerygood，sir，repliedMr。Weller。
Justholdmeatfirst，Sam。willyou？saidMr。Winkle。There——that’sright。Ishallsoongetinthewayofit，Sam。Nottoofast，Sam。nottoofast。
Mr。Winklestoopingforward，withhisbodyhalfdoubledup，wasbeingassistedovertheicebyMr。Weller，inaverysingularandun-swan-likemanner，whenMr。Pickwickmostinnocentlyshoutedfromtheoppositebank：
Sam！
Sir？
Here。Iwantyou。
Letgo，sir，saidSam。Don’tyouhearthegovernoracallin’？Letgo，sir。
Withaviolenteffort，Mr。WellerdisengagedhimselffromthegraspoftheagonisedPickwickian，and，insodoing，administeredaconsiderableimpetustotheunhappyMr。Winkle。Withanaccuracywhichnodegreeofdexterityorpracticecouldhaveinsured，thatunfortunategentlemanboreswiftlydownintothecentreofthereel，attheverymomentwhenMr。BobSawyerwasperformingaflourishofunparalleledbeauty。Mr。Winklestruckwildlyagainsthim，andwithaloudcrashtheybothfellheavilydown。
Mr。Pickwickrantothespot。BobSawyerhadrisentohisfeet，butMr。
Winklewasfartoowisetodoanythingofthekind，inskates。Hewasseatedontheice，makingspasmodiceffortstosmile。butanguishwasdepictedoneverylineamentofhiscountenance。
Areyouhurt？inquiredMr。BenjaminAllen，withgreatanxiety。
Notmuch，saidMr。Winkle，rubbinghisbackveryhard。
Iwishyou’dletmebleedyou，saidMr。Benjamin，withgreateagerness。
No，thankyou，repliedMr。Winklehurriedly。
Ireallythinkyouhadbetter，saidAllen。
Thankyou，repliedMr。Winkle。I’drathernot。
Whatdoyouthink，Mr。Pickwick？inquiredBobSawyer。
Mr。Pickwickwasexcitedandindignant。HebeckonedtoMr。Weller，andsaidinasternvoice，Takehisskatesoff。
No。butreallyIhadscarcelybegun，remonstratedMr。Winkle。
Takehisskatesoff，repeatedMr。Pickwickfirmly。
Thecommandwasnottoberesisted。Mr。WinkleallowedSamtoobeyitinsilence。
Lifthimup，saidMr。Pickwick。Samassistedhimtorise。
Mr。Pickwickretiredafewpacesapartfromthebystanders。and，beckoninghisfriendtoapproach，fixedasearchinglookuponhim，andutteredinalow，butdistinctandemphatictone，theseremarkablewords：
You’reahumbug，sir。
Awhat？saidMr。Winkle，starting。
Ahumbug，sir。Iwillspeakplainer，ifyouwishit。Animpostor，sir。
Withthosewords，Mr。Pickwickturnedslowlyonhisheel，andrejoinedhisfriends。
WhileMr。Pickwickwasdeliveringhimselfofthesentimentjustrecorded，Mr。Wellerandthefatboy，havingbytheirjointendeavourscutoutaslide，wereexercisingthemselvesthereupon，inaverymasterlyandbrilliantmanner。SamWeller，inparticular，wasdisplayingthatbeautifulfeatoffancy-slidingwhichiscurrentlydenominatedknockingatthecobbler’sdoor，andwhichisachievedbyskimmingovertheiceononefoot，andoccasionallygivingapostman’sknockuponitwiththeother。Itwasagoodlongslide，andtherewassomethinginthemotionwhichMr。Pickwick，whowasverycoldwithstandingstill，couldnothelpenvying。
Itlooksanicewarmexercisethat，doesn’tit？heinquiredofWardle，whenthatgentlemanwasthoroughlyoutofbreath，byreasonoftheindefatigablemannerinwhichhehadconvertedhislegsintoapairofcompasses，anddrawncomplicatedproblemsontheice。
Ah，itdoesindeed，repliedWardle。Doyouslide？
Iusedtodoso，onthegutters，whenIwasaboy，repliedMr。Pickwick。
Tryitnow，saidWardle。
Ohdoplease，Mr。Pickwick！criedalltheladies。
Ishouldbeveryhappytoaffordyouanyamusement，repliedMr。Pickwick，butIhaven’tdonesuchathingthesethirtyyears。
Pooh！pooh！Nonsense！saidWardle，draggingoffhisskateswiththeimpetuositywhichcharacterisedallhisproceedings。Here。I’llkeepyoucompany。comealong！Andawaywentthegood-temperedoldfellowdowntheslide，witharapiditywhichcameverycloseuponMr。Weller，andbeatthefatboyalltonothing。
Mr。Pickwickpaused，considered，pulledoffhisglovesandputtheminhishat：tooktwoorthreeshortruns，baulkedhimselfasoften，andatlasttookanotherrun，andwentslowlyandgravelydowntheslide，withhisfeetaboutayardandaquarterapart，amidstthegratifiedshoutsofallthespectators。
Keepthepotabilin’，sir！saidSam。anddownwentWardleagain，andthenMr。Pickwick，andthenSam，andthenMr。Winkle，andthenMr。
BobSawyer，andthenthefatboy，andthenMr。Snodgrass，followingcloselyuponeachother’sheels，andrunningaftereachotherwithasmucheagernessasifalltheirfutureprospectsinlifedependedontheirexpedition。
Itwasthemostintenselyinterestingthing，toobservethemannerinwhichMr。Pickwickperformedhisshareintheceremony。towatchthetortureofanxietywithwhichheviewedthepersonbehind，gaininguponhimattheimminenthazardoftrippinghimup。toseehimgraduallyexpendthepainfulforcehehadputonatfirst，andturnslowlyroundontheslide，withhisfacetowardsthepointfromwhichhehadstarted。tocontemplatetheplayfulsmilewhichmantledonhisfacewhenhehadaccomplishedthedistance，andtheeagernesswithwhichheturnedroundwhenhehaddoneso，andranafterhispredecessor：hisblackgaiterstrippingpleasantlythroughthesnow，andhiseyesbeamingcheerfulnessandgladnessthroughhisspectacles。Andwhenhewasknockeddownwhichhappenedupontheaverageeverythirdround，itwasthemostinvigoratingsightthatcanpossiblybeimagined，tobeholdhimgatheruphishat，gloves，andhandkerchief，withaglowingcountenance，andresumehisstationintherank，withanardourandenthusiasmthatnothingcouldabate。
Thesportwasatitsheight，theslidingwasatthequickest，thelaughterwasattheloudest，whenasharpsmartcrackwasheard。Therewasaquickrushtowardsthebank，awildscreamfromtheladies，andashoutfromMr。Tupman。Alargemassoficedisappeared。thewaterbubbledupoverit。Mr。Pickwick’shat，gloves，andhandkerchiefwerefloatingonthesurface。
andthiswasallofMr。Pickwickthatanybodycouldsee。
Dismayandanguishweredepictedoneverycountenance，themalesturnedpale，andthefemalesfainted，Mr。SnodgrassandMr。Winklegraspedeachotherbythehand，andgazedatthespotwheretheirleaderhadgonedown，withfrenziedeagerness：whileMr。Tupman，bywayofrenderingthepromptestassistance，andatthesametimeconveyingtoanypersonswhomightbewithinhearing，theclearestpossiblenotionofthecatastrophe，ranoffacrossthecountryathisutmostspeed，screamingFire！withallhismight。
Itwasatthismoment，whenoldWardleandSamWellerwereapproachingtheholewithcautioussteps，andMr。BenjaminAllenwasholdingahurriedconsultationwithMr。BobSawyer，ontheadvisabilityofbleedingthecompanygenerally，asanimprovinglittlebitofprofessionalpractice——itwasatthisverymoment，thataface，head，andshoulders，emergedfrombeneaththewater，anddisclosedthefeaturesandspectaclesofMr。Pickwick。
Keepyourselfupforaninstant——foronlyoneinstant！bawledMr。
Snodgrass。
Yes，do。letmeimploreyou——formysake！roaredMr。Winkle，deeplyaffected。Theadjurationwasratherunnecessary。theprobabilitybeing，thatifMr。Pickwickhaddeclinedtokeephimselfupforanybodyelse’ssake，itwouldhaveoccurredtohimthathemightaswelldoso，forhisown。
Doyoufeelthebottomthere，oldfellow？saidWardle。
Yes，certainly，repliedMr。Pickwick，wringingthewaterfromhisheadandface，andgaspingforbreath。Ifelluponmyback。Icouldn’tgetonmyfeetatfirst。
TheclayuponsomuchofMr。Pickwick’scoataswasyetvisible，boretestimonytotheaccuracyofthisstatement。andasthefearsofthespectatorswerestillfurtherrelievedbythefatboy’ssuddenlyrecollectingthatthewaterwasnowheremorethanfivefeetdeep，prodigiesofvalourwereperformedtogethimout。Afteravastquantityofsplashing，andcracking，andstruggling，Mr。Pickwickwasatlengthfairlyextricatedfromhisunpleasantposition，andoncemorestoodondryland。
Oh，he’llcatchhisdeathofcold，saidEmily。
Dearoldthing！saidArabella。Letmewrapthisshawlroundyou，Mr。Pickwick。
Ah，that’sthebestthingyoucando，saidWardle。andwhenyou’vegotiton，runhomeasfastasyourlegscancarryyou，andjumpintobeddirectly。
Adozenshawlswereofferedontheinstant。Threeorfourofthethickesthavingbeenselected，Mr。Pickwickwaswrappedup，andstartedoff，undertheguidanceofMr。Weller：presentingthesingularphenomenonofanelderlygentleman，drippingwet，andwithoutahat，withhisarmsbounddowntohissides，skimmingovertheground，withoutanyclearlydefinedpurpose，attherateofsixgoodEnglishmilesanhour。
ButMr。Pickwickcarednotforappearancesinsuchanextremecase，andurgedonbySamWeller，hekeptattheverytopofhisspeeduntilhereachedthedoorofManorFarm，whereMr。Tupmanhadarrivedsomefiveminutesbefore，andhadfrightenedtheoldladyintopalpitationsoftheheartbyimpressingherwiththeunalterableconvictionthatthekitchenchimneywasonfire——acalamitywhichalwayspresenteditselfinglowingcolourstotheoldlady’smind，whenanybodyaboutherevincedthesmallestagitation。
Mr。Pickwickpausednotaninstantuntilhewassnuginbed。SamWellerlightedablazingfireintheroom，andtookuphisdinner。abowlofpunchwascarriedupafterwards，andagrandcarouseheldinhonourofhissafety。
OldWardlewouldnothearofhisrising，sotheymadethebedthechair，andMr。Pickwickpresided。Asecondandathirdbowlwereorderedin。andwhenMr。Pickwickawokenextmorning，therewasnotasymptomofrheumatismabouthim：whichproves，asMr。BobSawyerveryjustlyobserved，thatthereisnothinglikehotpunchinsuchcases：andthatifeverhotpunchdidfailtoactasapreventive，itwasmerelybecausethepatientfellintothevulgarerrorofnottakingenoughofit。
Thejovialpartybrokeupnextmorning。Breakingsuparecapitalthingsinourschooldays，butinafterlifetheyarepainfulenough。Death，self-interest，andfortune’schanges，areeverydaybreakingupmanyahappygroup，andscatteringthemfarandwide。andtheboysandgirlsnevercomebackagain。
Wedonotmeantosaythatitwasexactlythecaseinthisparticularinstance。
allwewishtoinformthereaderis，thatthedifferentmembersofthepartydispersedtotheirseveralhomes。thatMr。PickwickandhisfriendsoncemoretooktheirseatsonthetopoftheMuggletoncoach。andthatArabellaAllenrepairedtoherplaceofdestination，whereveritmighthavebeen——wedaresayMr。Winkleknew，butweconfesswedon’t——underthecareandguardianshipofherbrotherBenjamin，andhismostintimateandparticularfriend，Mr。BobSawyer。
Beforetheyseparated，however，thatgentlemanandMr。BenjaminAllendrewMr。Pickwickasidewithanairofsomemystery：andMr。BobSawyerthrustinghisforefingerbetweentwoofMr。Pickwick’sribs，andtherebydisplayinghisnativedrollery，andhisknowledgeoftheanatomyofthehumanframe，atoneandthesametime，inquired：
Isay，oldboy，wheredoyouhangout？
Mr。PickwickrepliedthathewasatpresentsuspendedattheGeorgeandVulture。
Iwishyou’dcomeandseeme，saidBobSawyer。
Nothingwouldgivemegreaterpleasure，repliedMr。Pickwick。
There’smylodgings，saidMr。BobSawyer，producingacard。LantStreet，Borough。it’snearGuy’s，andhandyforme，youknow。Littledistanceafteryou’vepassedSaintGeorge’sChurch——turnsoutoftheHighStreetontherighthandsidetheway。
Ishallfindit，saidMr。Pickwick。
ComeonThursdayfortnight，andbringtheotherchapswithyou，saidMr。BobSawyer，I’mgoingtohaveafewmedicalfellowsthatnight。
Mr。Pickwickexpressedthepleasureitwouldaffordhimtomeetthemedicalfellows。andafterMr。BobSawyerhadinformedhimthathemeanttobeverycosy，andthathisfriendBenwastobeoneoftheparty，theyshookhandsandseparated。
WefeelthatinthisplacewelayourselfopentotheinquirywhetherMr。Winklewaswhispering，duringthisbriefconversation，toArabellaAllen。andifso，whathesaid。andfurthermore，whetherMr。SnodgrasswasconversingapartwithEmilyWardle。andifso，whathesaid。
Tothis，wereply，thatwhatevertheymighthavesaidtotheladies，theysaidnothingatalltoMr。PickwickorMr。Tupmanforeight-and-twentymiles，andthattheysighedveryoften，refusedaleandbrandy，andlookedgloomy。Ifourobservantladyreaderscandeduceanysatisfactoryinferencesfromthesefacts，webegthembyallmeanstodoso。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers：Chapter31[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERXXXIWHICHISALLABOUTTHELAW，ANDSUNDRYGREATAUTHORITIES
LEARNEDTHEREIN
SCATTEREDabout，invariousholesandcornersoftheTemple，arecertaindarkanddirtychambers，inandoutofwhich，allthemorninginVacation，andhalftheeveningtooinTermtime，theremaybeseenconstantlyhurryingwithbundlesofpapersundertheirarms，andprotrudingfromtheirpockets，analmostuninterruptedsuccessionofLawyers’
Clerks。ThereareseveralgradesofLawyers’Clerks。ThereistheArticledClerk，whohaspaidapremium，andisanattorneyinperspective，whorunsatailor’sbill，receivesinvitationstoparties，knowsafamilyinGowerStreet，andanotherinTavistockSquare：whogoesoutoftowneveryLongVacationtoseehisfather，whokeepslivehorsesinnumerable。andwhois，inshort，theveryaristocratofclerks。Thereisthesalariedclerk——outofdoor，orindoor，asthecasemaybe——whodevotesthemajorpartofhisthirtyshillingsaweektohispersonalpleasureandadornment，repairshalf-pricetotheAdelphiTheatreatleastthreetimesaweek，dissipatesmajesticallyatthecidercellarsafterwards，andisadirtycaricatureofthefashionwhichexpiredsixmonthsago。Thereisthemiddle-agedcopyingclerk，withalargefamily，whoisalwaysshabby，andoftendrunk。Andtherearetheofficeladsintheirfirstsurtouts，whofeelabefittingcontemptforboysatday-schools：clubastheygohomeatnight，forsaveloysandporter：andthinkthere’snothinglikelife。Therearevarietiesofthegenus，toonumeroustorecapitulate，buthowevernumeroustheymaybe，theyarealltobeseen，atcertainregulatedbusinesshours，hurryingtoandfromtheplaceswehavejustmentioned。
Thesesequesterednooksarethepublicofficesofthelegalprofession，wherewritsareissued，judgmentssigned，declarationsfiled，andnumerousotheringeniousmachinesputinmotionforthetortureandtormentofHisMajesty’sliegesubjects，andthecomfortandemolumentofthepractitionersofthelaw。Theyare，forthemostpart，low-roofed，mouldyrooms，whereinnumerablerollsofparchment，whichhavebeenperspiringinsecretforthelastcentury，sendforthanagreeableodour，whichismingledbydaywiththescentofthedryrot，andbynightwiththevariousexhalationswhicharisefromdampcloaks，festeringumbrellas，andthecoarsesttallowcandles。
Abouthalf-pastseveno’clockintheevening，sometendaysorafortnightafterMr。PickwickandhisfriendsreturnedtoLondon，therehurriedintooneoftheseoffices，anindividualinabrowncoatandbrassbuttons，whoselonghairwasscrupulouslytwistedroundtherimofhisnaplesshat，andwhosesoileddrabtrousersweresotightlystrappedoverhisBlucherboots，thathiskneesthreatenedeverymomenttostartfromtheirconcealment。
Heproducedfromhiscoatpocketsalongandnarrowstripofparchment，onwhichthepresidingfunctionaryimpressedanillegibleblackstamp。
Hethendrewforthfourscrapsofpaper，ofsimilardimensions，eachcontainingaprintedcopyofthestripofparchmentwithblanksforaname。andhavingfilleduptheblanks，putallthefivedocumentsinhispocket，andhurriedaway。
Themaninthebrowncoat，withthecabalisticdocumentsinhispocket，wasnootherthanouroldacquaintanceMr。Jackson，ofthehouseofDodsonandFogg，Freeman’sCourt，Cornhill。Insteadofreturningtotheofficefromwhencehecame，however，hebenthisstepsdirecttoSunCourt，andwalkingstraightintotheGeorgeandVulture，demandedtoknowwhetheroneMr。Pickwickwaswithin。
CallMr。Pickwick’sservant，Tom，saidthebarmaidoftheGeorgeandVulture。
Don’ttroubleyourself，saidMr。Jackson，I’vecomeonbusiness。
Ifyou’llshowmeMr。Pickwick’sroomI’llstepupmyself。
Whatname，sir？saidthewaiter。
Jackson，repliedtheclerk。
Thewaitersteppedup-stairstoannounceMr。Jackson。butMr。Jacksonsavedhimthetroublebyfollowingcloseathisheels，andwalkingintotheapartmentbeforehecouldarticulateasyllable。
Mr。Pickwickhad，thatday，invitedhisthreefriendstodinner。theywereallseatedroundthefire，drinkingtheirwine，whenMr。Jacksonpresentedhimself，asabovedescribed。
Howdedo，sir？saidMr。Jackson，noddingtoMr。Pickwick。
Thatgentlemanbowed，andlookedsomewhatsurprised，forthephysiognomyofMr。Jacksondweltnotinhisrecollection。
IhavecalledfromDodsonandFogg’s，saidMr。Jackson，inanexplanatorytone。
Mr。Pickwickrousedatthename。Ireferyoutomyattorney，sir：Mr。
Perker，ofGray’sInn，saidhe。Waiter，showthisgentlemanout。
Begyourpardon，Mr。Pickwick，saidJackson，deliberatelydepositinghishatonthefloor，anddrawingfromhispocketthestripofparchment。
Butpersonalservice，byclerkoragent，inthesecases，youknow，Mr。
Pickwick——nothinglikecaution，sir，inalllegalforms？
HereMr。Jacksoncasthiseyeontheparchment。and，restinghishandsonthetable，andlookingroundwithawinningandpersuasivesmile，said：
Now，come。don’tlet’shavenowordsaboutsuchalittlematterasthis。
Whichofyougentlemen’sname’sSnodgrass？
AtthisinquiryMr。Snodgrassgavesuchaveryundisguisedandpalpablestart，thatnofurtherreplywasneeded。
Ah！Ithoughtso，saidMr。Jackson，moreaffablythanbefore。I’vegotalittlesomethingtotroubleyouwith，sir。
Me！exclaimedMr。Snodgrass。
It’sonlyasubpoenainBardellandPickwickonbehalfoftheplaintiff，repliedJackson，singlingoutoneoftheslipsofpaper，andproducingashillingfromhiswaistcoatpocket。It’llcomeon，inthesettensafterTerm。fourteenthofFebooary，weexpect。we’vemarkeditaspecialjurycause，andit’sonlytendownthepaper。That’syours，Mr。
Snodgrass。AsJacksonsaidthishepresentedtheparchmentbeforetheeyesofMr。Snodgrass，andslippedthepaperandtheshillingintohishand。
Mr。Tupmanhadwitnessedthisprocessinsilentastonishment，whenJackson，turningsharplyuponhim，said：
IthinkIain’tmistakenwhenIsayyourname’sTupman，amI？
Mr。TupmanlookedatMr。Pickwick。but，perceivingnoencouragementinthatgentleman’swidely-openedeyestodenyhisname，said：
Yes，mynameisTupman，sir。
Andthatothergentleman’sMr。Winkle，Ithink？saidJackson。
Mr。Winklefalteredoutareplyintheaffirmative。andbothgentlemenwereforthwithinvestedwithaslipofpaper，andashillingeach，bythedexterousMr。Jackson。
Now，saidJackson，I’mafraidyou’llthinkmerathertroublesome，butIwantsomebodyelse，ifitain’tinconvenient。IhaveSamuelWeller’snamehere，Mr。Pickwick。
Sendmyservanthere，waiter，saidMr。Pickwick。Thewaiterretired，considerablyastonished，andMr。PickwickmotionedJacksontoaseat。
Therewasapainfulpause，whichwasatlengthbrokenbytheinnocentdefendant。
Isuppose，sir，saidMr。Pickwick，hisindignationrisingwhilehespoke。Isuppose，sir，thatitistheintentionofyouremployerstoseektocriminatemeuponthetestimonyofmyownfriends？
Mr。Jacksonstruckhisforefingerseveraltimesagainsttheleftsideofhisnose，tointimatethathewasnottheretodisclosethesecretsoftheprison-house，andplayfullyrejoined：
Notknowin’，can’tsay。
Forwhatotherreason，sir，pursuedMr。Pickwick，arethesesubpoenasserveduponthem，ifnotforthis？
Verygoodplant，Mr。Pickwick，repliedJackson，slowlyshakinghishead。Butitwon’tdo。Noharmintrying，butthere’slittletobegotoutofme。
HereMr。Jacksonsmiledoncemoreuponthecompany，and，applyinghisleftthumbtothetipofhisnose，workedavisionarycoffee-millwithhisrighthand：therebyperformingaverygracefulpieceofpantomimethenmuchinvogue，butnow，unhappily，almostobsoletewhichwasfamiliarlydenominatedtakingagrinder。
No，no，Mr。Pickwick，saidJackson，inconclusion。Perker’speoplemustguesswhatwe’veservedthesesubpoenasfor。Iftheycan’t，theymustwaittilltheactioncomeson，andthenthey’llfindout。
Mr。Pickwickbestowedalookofexcessivedisgustonhisunwelcomevisitor，andwouldprobablyhavehurledsometremendousanathemaattheheadsofMessrs。DodsonandFogg，hadnotSam’sentranceattheinstantinterruptedhim。
SamuelWeller？saidMr。Jackson，inquiringly。
Vuno’thetruestthingsasyou’vesaidformanyalongyear，repliedSam，inamostcomposedmanner。
Here’sasubpoenaforyou，Mr。Weller，saidJackson。
What’sthatinEnglish？inquiredSam。
Here’stheoriginal，saidJackson，decliningtherequiredexplanation。
Which？saidSam。
This，repliedJackson，shakingtheparchment。
Oh，that’sthe’rig’nal，isit？saidSam。Well，I’mwerygladI’veseenthe’rig’nal，cosit’sagratifyin’sorto’thing，andeasesvun’smindsomuch。
Andhere’stheshilling，saidJackson。It’sfromDodsonandFogg’s。
Andit’suncommonhandsomeo’DodsonandFogg，asknowssolittleofme，tocomedownvithapresent，saidSam。Ifeelitasaweryhighcompliment，sir。it’saweryhon’rablethingtothem，astheyknowshowtorewardmeritwerevertheymeetsit。Besideswich，it’saffectin’toone’sfeelin’s。
AsMr。Wellersaidthis，heinflictedalittlefrictiononhisrighteye-lid，withthesleeveofhiscoat，afterthemostapprovedmannerofactorswhentheyareindomesticpathetics。
Mr。JacksonseemedratherpuzzledbySam’sproceedings。but，ashehadservedthesubpoenas，andhadnothingmoretosay，hemadeafeintofputtingontheoneglovewhichheusuallycarriedinhishand，forthesakeofappearances。andreturnedtotheofficetoreportprogress。
Mr。Pickwicksleptlittlethatnight。hismemoryhadreceivedaverydisagreeablerefresheronthesubjectofMrs。Bardell’saction。Hebreakfastedbetimesnextmorning，anddesiringSamtoaccompanyhim，setforthtowardsGray’sInnSquare。
Sam！saidMr。Pickwick，lookinground，whentheygottotheendofCheapside。
Sir？saidSam，steppinguptohismaster。
Whichway？
UpNewgateStreet。
Mr。Pickwickdidnotturnroundimmediately，butlookedvacantlyinSam’sfaceforafewseconds，andheavedadeepsigh。
What’sthematter，sir？inquiredSam。
Thisaction，Sam，saidMr。Pickwick，isexpectedtocomeon，onthefourteenthofnextmonth。
Remarkablecoincidencethat’ere，sir，repliedSam。
Whyremarkable，Sam？inquiredMr。Pickwick。
Walentine’sday，sir，respondedSam。reg’largooddayforabreacho’promisetrial。
Mr。Weller’ssmileawakenedtogleamofmirthinhismaster’scountenance。
Mr。Pickwickturnedabruptlyround，andledthewayinsilence。
Theyhadwalkedsomedistance：Mr。Pickwicktrottingonbefore，plungedinprofoundmeditation，andSamfollowingbehind，withacountenanceexpressiveofthemostenviableandeasydefianceofeverythingandeverybody：whenthelatter，whowasalwaysespeciallyanxioustoimparttohismasteranyexclusiveinformationhepossessed，quickenedhispaceuntilhewascloseatMr。Pickwick’sheels。and，pointingupatahousetheywerepassing，said：
Werynicepork-shopthat’ere，sir。
Yes，itseemsso，saidMr。Pickwick。
CelebratedSassagefactory，saidSam。
Isit？saidMr。Pickwick。
Isit！reiteratedSam，withsomeindignation。Ishouldraytherthinkitwas。Why，sir，blessyourinnocenteyebrows，that’swherethemysteriousdisappearanceofa’spectabletradesmantookplacefouryearago。
Youdon’tmeantosayhewasburked，Sam？saidMr。Pickwick，lookinghastilyround。
No，Idon’tindeed，sir，repliedMr。Weller，IwishIdid。farworsethanthat。Hewasthemastero’that’ereshop，sir，andtheinwentoro’
thepatent-never-leavin’-offsassagesteamingine，asudswallerupapavin’
stoneifyouputittoonear，andgrinditintosassagesaseasyasifitwasatenderyoungbabby。Weryproudo’thatmachinehewas，asitwasnat’ralheshouldbe，andhe’dstanddowninthecelleralookin’atitwenitwasinfullplay，tillhegotquitemelancholywithjoy。Aweryhappymanhe’dha’been，sir，intheprocessiono’thatereingineandtwomorelovelyhinfantsbesides，ifithadn’tbeenforhiswife，whowasamostowdaciouswixin。Shewasalwaysafollerin’himabout，anddinnin’
inhisears，’tillatlasthecouldn’tstanditnolonger。`I’lltellyouwhatitis，mydear，’hesaysoneday。`ifyoupersewereinthisheresortofamusement，’hesays，`I’mblessedifIdon’tgoawayto’Merriker。andthat’sallaboutit。’`You’reaidlewillin，’saysshe，`andIwishthe’Merrikinsjoyoftheirbargain。’Arterwhichshekeepsonabusin’ofhimforhalfanhour，andthenrunsintothelittleparlourbehindtheshop，setstoascreamin’，sayshe’llbethedeathonher，andfallsinafit，whichlastsforthreegoodhours——oneo’themfitswichisallscreamin’
andkickin’。Well，nextmornin’thehusbandwasmissin’。Hehadn’ttakennothin’fromthetill，——hadn’tevenputonhisgreat-coat——soitwasquiteclearhewarn’tgoneto’Merriker。Didn’tcomebacknextday。didn’tcomebacknextweek。Missishadbillsprinted，sayin’that，ifhe’dcomeback，heshouldbeforgiveneverythin’whichwasveryliberal，seein’thathehadn’tdonenothin’atall。thecanalswasdragged，andfortwomonthsartervards，weneverabodyturnedup，itwascarried，asareg’larthing，straightofftothesassageshop。Hows’ever，noneon’emanswered。sotheygaveoutthathe’drunavay，andshekeponthebis’ness。OneSaturdaynight，alittlethinoldgen’l’m’ncomesintotheshopinagreatpassionandsays，`Areyouthemissiso’thishereshop？’`Yes，Iam，’saysshe。
`Well，ma’am，’sayshe，`thenI’vejustlookedintosaythatmeandmyfamilyain’tagoin’tobechokedfornothin’。andmorethanthat，ma’am，’
hesays，`you’llallowmetoobserve，thatasyoudon’tusetheprimestpartsofthemeatinthemanafactero’sassages，Ithinkyou’dfindbeefcomenearlyascheapasbuttons。’`Asbuttons，sir！’saysshe。`Buttons，ma’am，’saysthelittleoldgentleman，unfoldingabitofpaper，andshewin’
twentyorthirtyhalveso’buttons。`Niceseasonin’forsassages，istrousers’
buttons，ma’am。’`They’remyhusband’sbuttons！’saysthewidder，beginnin’
tofaint。`What！’screamsthelittleoldgen’l’m’n，turnin’werepale。
`Iseeitall，’saysthewidder。`inafitoftemporaryinsanityherashlyconvertedhis-selfintosassages！’Andsohehad，sir，saidMr。Weller，lookingsteadilyintoMr。Pickwick’shorror-strickencountenance，orelsehe’dbeendraw’dintotheingine。buthoweverthatmightha’been，thelittleoldgen’l’m’n，whohadbeenremarkablypartialtosassagesallhislife，rushedouto’theshopinawildstate，andwasneverheerdonartervards！
TherelationofthisaffectingincidentofprivatelifebroughtmasterandmantoMr。Perker’schambers。Lowten，holdingthedoorhalfopen，wasinconversationwitharustily-clad，miserable-lookingman，inbootswithouttoesandgloveswithoutfingers。Thereweretracesofprivationandsuffering——almostofdespair——inhislankandcare-worncountenance。hefelthispoverty，forheshrunktothedarksideofthestaircaseasMr。Pickwickapproached。
It’sveryunfortunate，saidthestranger，withasigh。
Very，saidLowten，scribblinghisnameonthedoor-postwithhispen，andrubbingitoutagainwiththefeather。Willyouleaveamessageforhim？
Whendoyouthinkhe’llbeback？inquiredthestranger。
Quiteuncertain，repliedLowten，winkingatMr。Pickwick，asthestrangercasthiseyestowardstheground。
Youdon’tthinkitwouldbeofanyusemywaitingforhim？saidthestranger，lookingwistfullyintotheoffice。
Ohno，I’msureitwouldn’t，repliedtheclerk，movingalittlemoreintothecentreofthedoor-way。He’scertainnottobebackthisweek，andit’sachancewhetherhewillbenext。forwhenPerkeroncegetsoutoftown，he’sneverinahurrytocomebackagain。
Outoftown！saidMr。Pickwick。dearme，howunfortunate！
Don’tgoaway，Mr。Pickwick，saidLowten，I’vegotaletterforyou。
Thestrangerseemingtohesitate，oncemorelookedtowardstheground，andtheclerkwinkedslylyatMr。Pickwick，asiftointimatethatsomeexquisitepieceofhumourwasgoingforward，thoughwhatitwasMr。Pickwickcouldnotforthelifeofhimdivine。
Stepin，Mr。Pickwick，saidLowten。Well，willyouleaveamessage，Mr。Watty，orwillyoucallagain？
Askhimtobesokindastoleaveoutwordwhathasbeendoneinmybusiness，saidtheman。forGod’ssakedon’tneglectit，Mr。Lowten。
No，no。Iwon’tforgetit，repliedtheclerk。Walkin，Mr。Pickwick。
Goodmorning，Mr。Watty。it’safinedayforwalking，isn’tit？Seeingthatthestrangerstilllingered，hebeckonedSamWellertofollowhismasterin，andshutthedoorinhisface。
Thereneverwassuchapesteringbankruptasthatsincetheworldbegan，Idobelieve！saidLowten，throwingdownhispenwiththeairofaninjuredman。Hisaffairshaven’tbeeninChanceryquitefouryearsyet，andI’md——difhedon’tcomeworryingheretwiceaweek。Stepthisway，Mr。Pickwick。
Perkerisin，andhe’llseeyou，Iknow。Devilishcold，headded，pettishly，standingatthatdoor，wastingone’stimewithsuchseedyvagabonds！
Havingveryvehementlystirredaparticularlylargefirewithaparticularlysmallpoker，theclerkledthewaytohisprincipal’sprivateroom，andannouncedMr。Pickwick。
Ah，mydearsir，saidlittleMr。Perker，bustlingupfromhischair。
Well，mydearsir，andwhat’sthenewsaboutyourmatter，eh？AnythingmoreaboutourfriendsinFreeman’sCourt？They’venotbeensleeping，Iknowthat。Ah，they’reverysmartfellows。verysmart，indeed。
Asthelittlemanconcluded，hetookanemphaticpinchofsnuff，asatributetothesmartnessofMessrs。DodsonandFogg。
Theyaregreatscoundrels，saidMr。Pickwick。
Aye，aye，saidthelittleman。that’samatterofopinion，youknow，andwewon’tdisputeaboutterms。becauseofcourseyoucan’tbeexpectedtoviewthesesubjectswithaprofessionaleye。Well，we’vedoneeverythingthat’snecessary。IhaveretainedSerjeantSnubbin。
Isheagoodman？inquiredMr。Pickwick。
Goodman！repliedPerker。blessyourheartandsoul，mydearsir，SerjeantSnubbinisattheverytopofhisprofession。Getstreblethebusinessofanymanincourt——engagedineverycase。Youneedn’tmentionitabroad。butwesay——weoftheprofession——thatSerjeantSnubbinleadsthecourtbythenose。
Thelittlemantookanotherpinchofsnuffashemadethiscommunication，andnoddedmysteriouslytoMr。Pickwick。
Theyhavesubpoena’dmythreefriends，saidMr。Pickwick。
Ah！ofcoursetheywould，repliedPerker。Importantwitnesses。sawyouinadelicatesituation。
Butshefaintedofherownaccord，saidMr。Pickwick。Shethrewherselfintomyarms。
Verylikely，mydearsir，repliedPerker。verylikelyandverynatural。
Nothingmoreso，mydearsir，nothing。Butwho’stoproveit？
Theyhavesubpoena’dmyservanttoo，saidMr。Pickwick，quittingtheotherpoint。forthereMr。Perker’squestionhadsomewhatstaggeredhim。
Sam？saidPerker。
Mr。Pickwickrepliedintheaffirmative。
Ofcourse，mydearsir。ofcourse。Iknewtheywould。Icouldhavetoldyouthat，amonthago。Youknow，mydearsir，ifyouwilltakethemanagementofyouraffairsintoyourownhandsafterintrustingthemtoyoursolicitor，youmustalsotaketheconsequences。HereMr。
Perkerdrewhimselfupwithconsciousdignity，andbrushedsomestraygrainsofsnufffromhisshirtfrill。
Andwhatdotheywanthimtoprove？askedMr。Pickwick，aftertwoorthreeminutes’silence。
Thatyousenthimuptotheplaintiff’stomakesomeofferofacompromise，Isuppose，repliedPerker。Itdon’tmattermuch，though。Idon’tthinkmanycounselcouldgetagreatdealoutofhim。
Idon’tthinktheycould，saidMr。Pickwick。smiling，despitehisvexation，attheideaofSam’sappearanceasawitness。Whatcoursedowepursue？
Wehaveonlyonetoadopt，mydearsir，repliedPerker。cross-examinethewitnesses。trusttoSnubbin’seloquence。throwdustintheeyesofthejudge。throwourselvesonthejury。
Andsupposetheverdictisagainstme？saidMr。Pickwick。
Mr。Perkersmiled，tookaverylongpinchofsnuff，stirredthefire，shruggedhisshoulders，andremainedexpressivelysilent。
YoumeanthatinthatcaseImustpaythedamages？saidMr。Pickwick，whohadwatchedthistelegraphicanswerwithconsiderablesternness。
Perkergavethefireanotherveryunnecessarypoke，andsaidIamafraidso。
ThenIbegtoannouncetoyou，myunalterabledeterminationtopaynodamageswhatever，saidMr。Pickwick，mostemphatically。None，Perker。
Notapound，notapenny，ofmymoney，shallfinditswayintothepocketsofDodsonandFogg。Thatismydeliberateandirrevocabledetermination。
Mr。Pickwickgaveaheavyblowonthetablebeforehim，inconfirmationoftheirrevocabilityofhisintention。
Verywell，mydearsir，verywell，saidPerker。Youknowbest，ofcourse。
Ofcourse，repliedMr。Pickwickhastily。WheredoesSerjeantSnubbinlive？
InLincoln’sInnOldSquare，repliedPerker。
Ishouldliketoseehim，saidMr。Pickwick。
SeeSerjeantSnubbin，mydearsir！rejoinedPerker，inutteramazement。
Pooh，pooh，mydearsir，impossible。SeeSerjeantSnubbin！Blessyou，mydearsir，suchathingwasneverheardof，withoutaconsultationfeebeingpreviouslypaid，andaconsultationfixed。Itcouldn’tbedone，mydearsir。itcouldn’tbedone。
Mr。Pickwick，however，hadmadeuphismindnotonlythatitcouldbedone，butthatitshouldbedone。andtheconsequencewas，thatwithintenminutesafterhehadreceivedtheassurancethatthethingwasimpossible，hewasconductedbyhissolicitorintotheouterofficeofthegreatSerjeantSnubbinhimself。
Itwasanuncarpetedroomoftolerabledimensions，withalargewriting-tabledrawnupnearthefire：thebaizetopofwhichhadlongsincelostallclaimtoitsoriginalhueofgreen，andhadgraduallygrowngreywithdustandage，exceptwherealltracesofitsnaturalcolourwereobliteratedbyink-stains。Uponthetablewerenumerouslittlebundlesofpaperstiedwithredtape。andbehindit，satanelderlyclerk，whosesleekappearance，andheavygoldwatch-chain，presentedimposingindicationsoftheextensiveandlucrativepracticeofMr。SerjeantSnubbin。
IstheSerjeantinhisroom，Mr。Mallard？inquiredPerker，offeringhisboxwithallimaginablecourtesy。
Yes，heis，wasthereply，buthe’sverybusy。Lookhere。notanopiniongivenyet，onanyoneofthesecases。andanexpeditionfeepaidwithallof’em。Theclerksmiledashesaidthis，andinhaledthepinchofsnuffwithazestwhichseemedtobecompoundedofafondnessforsnuffandarelishforfees。
Somethinglikepracticethat，saidPerker。
Yes，saidthebarrister’sclerk，producinghisownbox，andofferingitwiththegreatestcordiality。andthebestofitis，thatasnobodyaliveexceptmyselfcanreadtheSerjeant’swriting，theyareobligedtowaitfortheopinions，whenhehasgiventhem，tillIhavecopied’em，ha——ha——ha！
Whichmakesgoodforweknowwho，besidestheSerjeant，anddrawsalittlemoreoutoftheclients，eh？saidPerker。Ha，ha，ha！AtthistheSerjeant’sclerklaughedagain。notanoisyboisterouslaugh，butasilent，internalchuckle，whichMr。Pickwickdislikedtohear。Whenamanbleedsinwardly，itisadangerousthingforhimself。butwhenhelaughsinwardly，itbodesnogoodtootherpeople。
Youhaven’tmademeoutthatlittlelistofthefeesthatI’minyourdebt，haveyou？saidPerker。
No，Ihavenot，repliedtheclerk。
Iwishyouwould，saidPerker。Letmehavethem，andI’llsendyouacheque。ButIsupposeyou’retoobusypocketingthereadymoney，tothinkofthedebtors，eh？ha，ha，ha！Thissallyseemedtotickletheclerkamazingly，andheoncemoreenjoyedalittlequietlaughtohimself。
But，Mr。Mallard，mydearfriend，saidPerker，suddenlyrecoveringhisgravity，anddrawingthegreatman’sgreatmanintoacorner，bythelappelofhiscoat。youmustpersuadetheSerjeanttoseeme，andmyclienthere。
Come，come，saidtheclerk，that’snotbadeither。SeetheSerjeant！
come，that’stooabsurd。Notwithstandingtheabsurdityoftheproposal，however，theclerkallowedhimselftobegentlydrawnbeyondthehearingofMr。Pickwick。andafterashortconversationconductedinwhispers，walkedsoftlydownalittledarkpassage，anddisappearedintothelegalluminary’ssanctum：whenceheshortlyreturnedontiptoe，andinformedMr。PerkerandMr。PickwickthattheSerjeanthadbeenprevailedupon，inviolationofallestablishedrulesandcustoms，toadmitthematonce。
Mr。SerjeantSnubbinwasalantern-faced，sallow-complexionedman，ofaboutfive-and-forty，or——asthenovelssay——hemightbefifty。Hehadthatdull-lookingboiledeyewhichisoftentobeseenintheheadsofpeoplewhohaveappliedthemselvesduringmanyyearstoawearyandlaboriouscourseofstudy。andwhichwouldhavebeensufficient，withouttheadditionaleye-glasswhichdangledfromabroadblackribandroundhisneck，towarnastrangerthathewasverynear-sighted。Hishairwasthinandweak，whichwaspartlyattributabletohishavingneverdevotedmuchtimetoitsarrangement，andpartlytohishavingwornforfive-and-twentyyearstheforensicwigwhichhungonablockbesidehim。Themarksofhair-powderonhiscoat-collar，andtheill-washedandworsetiedwhiteneckerchiefroundhisthroat，showedthathehadnotfoundleisuresinceheleftthecourttomakeanyalterationinhisdress：whiletheslovenlystyleoftheremainderofhiscostumewarrantedtheinferencethathispersonalappearancewouldnothavebeenverymuchimprovedifhehad。Booksofpractice，heapsofpapers，andopenedletters，werescatteredoverthetable，withoutanyattemptatorderorarrangement。thefurnitureoftheroomwasoldandrickety。thedoorsofthebook-casewererottingontheirhinges。thedustflewoutfromthecarpetinlittlecloudsateverystep。theblindswereyellowwithageanddirt。thestateofeverythingintheroomshowed，withaclearnessnottobemistaken，thatMr。SerjeantSnubbinwasfartoomuchoccupiedwithhisprofessionalpursuitstotakeanygreatheedorregardofhispersonalcomforts。
TheSerjeantwaswritingwhenhisclientsentered。hebowedabstractedlywhenMr。Pickwickwasintroducedbyhissolicitor。andthen，motioningthemtoaseat，puthispencarefullyintheinkstand，nursedhisleftleg，andwaitedtobespokento。
Mr。PickwickisthedefendantinBardellandPickwick，SerjeantSnubbin，
saidPerker。
Iamretainedinthat，amI？saidtheSerjeant。
Youare，sir，repliedPerker。
TheSerjeantnoddedhishead，andwaitedforsomethingelse。
Mr。Pickwickwasanxioustocalluponyou，SerjeantSnubbin，saidPerker，tostatetoyou，beforeyouentereduponthecase，thathedeniestherebeinganygroundorpretencewhateverfortheactionagainsthim。
andthatunlesshecameintocourtwithcleanhands，andwithoutthemostconscientiousconvictionthathewasrightinresistingtheplaintiff’sdemand，hewouldnotbethereatall。IbelieveIstateyourviewscorrectly。
doInot，mydearsir？saidthelittleman，turningtoMr。Pickwick。
Quiteso，repliedthatgentleman。
Mr。SerjeantSnubbinunfoldedhisglasses，raisedthemtohiseyes。
and，afterlookingatMr。Pickwickforafewsecondswithgreatcuriosity，turnedtoMr。Perker，andsaid，smilingslightlyashespoke：
HasMr。Pickwickastrongcase？
Theattorneyshruggedhisshoulders。
Doyoupurposecallingwitnesses？
No。
ThesmileontheSerjeant’scountenancebecamemoredefined。herockedhislegwithincreasedviolence。and，throwinghimselfbackinhiseasy-chair，cougheddubiously。
ThesetokensoftheSerjeant’spresentimentsonthesubject，slightastheywere，werenotlostonMr。Pickwick。Hesettledthespectacles，throughwhichhehadattentivelyregardedsuchdemonstrationsofthebarrister’sfeelingsashehadpermittedhimselftoexhibit，morefirmlyonhisnose。
andsaidwithgreatenergy，andinutterdisregardofallMr。Perker’sadmonitorywinkingsandfrownings：
Mywishingtowaituponyou，forsuchapurposeasthis，sir，appears，Ihavenodoubt，toagentlemanwhoseessomuchofthesemattersasyoumustnecessarilydo，averyextraordinarycircumstance。
TheSerjeanttriedtolookgravelyatthefire，butthesmilecamebackagain。
Gentlemenofyourprofession，sir，continuedMr。Pickwick，seetheworstsideofhumannature。Allitsdisputes，allitsill-willandbadblood，riseupbeforeyou。YouknowfromyourexperienceofjuriesImeannodisparagementtoyou，orthemhowmuchdependsuponeffect：
andyouareapttoattributetoothers，adesiretouse，forpurposesofdeceptionandself-interest，theveryinstrumentswhichyou，inpurehonestyandhonourofpurpose，andwithalaudabledesiretodoyourutmostforyourclient，knowthetemperandworthofsowell，fromconstantlyemployingthemyourselves。Ireallybelievethattothiscircumstancemaybeattributedthevulgarbutverygeneralnotionofyourbeing，asabody，suspicious，distrustful，andover-cautious。ConsciousasIam，sir，ofthedisadvantageofmakingsuchadeclarationtoyou，undersuchcircumstances，Ihavecomehere，becauseIwishyoudistinctlytounderstand，asmyfriendMr。Perkerhassaid，thatIaminnocentofthefalsehoodlaidtomycharge。andalthoughIamverywellawareoftheinestimablevalueofyourassistance，sir，Imustbegtoadd，thatunlessyousincerelybelievethis，Iwouldratherbedeprivedoftheaidofyourtalentsthanhavetheadvantageofthem。