Thechiefbusinessofmylifehasalwaysbeentoindulgemysenses；I
neverknewanythingofgreaterimportance。Ifeltmyselfbornforthefairsex，Ihaveeverloveditdearly，andIhavebeenlovedbyitasoftenandasmuchasIcould。Ihavelikewisealwayshadagreatweaknessforgoodliving，andIeverfeltpassionatelyfondofeveryobjectwhichexcitedmycuriosity。
Ihavehadfriendswhohaveactedkindlytowardsme，andithasbeenmygoodfortunetohaveitinmypowertogivethemsubstantialproofsofmygratitude。Ihavehadalsobitterenemieswhohavepersecutedme，andwhomIhavenotcrushedsimplybecauseIcouldnotdoit。Ineverwouldhaveforgiventhem，hadInotlostthememoryofalltheinjuriestheyhadheapeduponme。Themanwhoforgetsdoesnotforgive，heonlylosestheremembranceoftheharminflictedonhim；forgivenessistheoffspringofafeelingofheroism，ofanobleheart，ofagenerousmind，whilstforgetfulnessisonlytheresultofaweakmemory，orofaneasycarelessness，andstilloftenerofanaturaldesireforcalmandquietness。Hatred，inthecourseoftime，killstheunhappywretchwhodelightsinnursingitinhisbosom。
Shouldanyonebringagainstmeanaccusationofsensualityhewouldbewrong，forallthefiercenessofmysensesnevercausedmetoneglectanyofmyduties。Forthesameexcellentreason，theaccusationofdrunkennessoughtnottohavebeenbroughtagainstHomer:
’LaudibusarguiturvinivinosusHomerus。’
Ihavealwaysbeenfondofhighly—seasoned，richdishes，suchasmacaronipreparedbyaskilfulNeapolitancook，theolla—podridaoftheSpaniards，theglutinouscodfishfromNewfoundland，gamewithastrongflavour，andcheesetheperfectstateofwhichisattainedwhenthetinyanimaculaeformedfromitsveryessencebegintoshewsignsoflife。Asforwomen，Ihavealwaysfoundtheodourofmybelovedonesexceedingpleasant。
Whatdepravedtastes！somepeoplewillexclaim。Areyounotashamedtoconfesssuchinclinationswithoutblushing！Dearcritics，youmakemelaughheartily。Thankstomycoarsetastes，Ibelievemyselfhappierthanothermen，becauseIamconvincedthattheyenhancemyenjoyment。Happyarethosewhoknowhowtoobtainpleasureswithoutinjurytoanyone；insanearethosewhofancythattheAlmightycanenjoythesufferings，thepains，thefastsandabstinenceswhichtheyoffertoHimasasacrifice，andthatHisloveisgrantedonlytothosewhotaxthemselvessofoolishly。GodcanonlydemandfromHiscreaturesthepracticeofvirtuestheseedofwhichHehassownintheirsoul，andallHehasgivenuntoushasbeenintendedforourhappiness；self—love，thirstforpraise，emulation，strength，courage，andapowerofwhichnothingcandepriveus——thepowerofself—destruction，if，afterduecalculation，whetherfalseorjust，weunfortunatelyreckondeathtobeadvantageous。Thisisthestrongestproofofourmoralfreedomsomuchattackedbysophists。
Yetthispowerofself—destructionisrepugnanttonature，andhasbeenrightlyopposedbyeveryreligion。
Aso—calledfree—thinkertoldmeatonetimethatIcouldnotconsidermyselfaphilosopherifIplacedanyfaithinrevelation。
Butwhenweacceptitreadilyinphysics，whyshouldwerejectitinreligiousmatters？Theformaloneisthepointinquestion。Thespiritspeakstothespirit，andnottotheears。Theprinciplesofeverythingweareacquaintedwithmustnecessarilyhavebeenrevealedtothosefromwhomwehavereceivedthembythegreat，supremeprinciple，whichcontainsthemall。Thebeeerectingitshive，theswallowbuildingitsnest，theantconstructingitscave，andthespiderwarpingitsweb，wouldneverhavedoneanythingbutforapreviousandeverlastingrevelation。Wemusteitherbelievethatitisso，oradmitthatmatterisendowedwiththought。Butaswedarenotpaysuchacomplimenttomatter，letusstandbyrevelation。
Thegreatphilosopher，whohavingdeeplystudiednature，thoughthehadfoundthetruthbecauseheacknowledgednatureasGod，diedtoosoon。Hadhelivedalittlewhilelonger，hewouldhavegonemuchfarther，andyethisjourneywouldhavebeenbutashortone，forfindinghimselfinhisAuthor，hecouldnothavedeniedHim:InHimwemoveandhaveourbeing。HewouldhavefoundHiminscrutable，andthuswouldhaveendedhisjourney。
God，greatprincipleofallminorprinciples，God，whoisHimselfwithoutaprinciple，couldnotconceiveHimself，if，inordertodoit，HerequiredtoknowHisownprinciple。
Oh，blissfulignorance！Spinosa，thevirtuousSpinosa，diedbeforehecouldpossessit。Hewouldhavediedalearnedmanandwitharighttotherewardhisvirtuedeserved，ifhehadonlysupposedhissoultobeimmortal！
Itisnottruethatawishforrewardisunworthyofrealvirtue，andthrowsablemishuponitspurity。Suchapretension，onthecontrary，helpstosustainvirtue，manbeinghimselftooweaktoconsenttobevirtuousonlyforhisown’gratification。IholdasamyththatAmphiarauswhopreferredtobegoodthantoseemgood。Infact，Idonotbelievethereisanhonestmanalivewithoutsomepretension，andhereismine。
Ipretendtothefriendship，totheesteem，tothegratitudeofmyreaders。Iclaimtheirgratitude，ifmyMemoirscangivetheminstructionandpleasure；Iclaimtheiresteemif，renderingmejustice，theyfindmoregoodqualitiesinmethanfaults，andIclaimtheirfriendshipassoonastheydeemmeworthyofitbythecandourandthegoodfaithwithwhichIabandonmyselftotheirjudgment，withoutdisguiseandexactlyasIaminreality。TheywillfindthatIhavealwayshadsuchsincerelovefortruth，thatIhaveoftenbegunbytellingstoriesforthepurposeofgettingtruthtoentertheheadsofthosewhocouldnotappreciateitscharms。Theywillnotformawrongopinionofmewhentheyseeoneemptyingthepurseofmyfriendstosatisfymyfancies，forthosefriendsentertainedidleschemes，andbygivingthemthehopeofsuccessItrustedtodisappointmenttocurethem。Iwoulddeceivethemtomakethemwiser，andIdidnotconsidermyselfguilty，forIappliedtomyownenjoymentsumsofmoneywhichwouldhavebeenlostinthevainpursuitofpossessionsdeniedbynature；thereforeIwasnotactuatedbyanyavariciousrapacity。ImightthinkmyselfguiltyifIwererichnow，butIhavenothing。Ihavesquanderedeverything；itismycomfortandmyjustification。Themoneywasintendedforextravagantfollies，andbyapplyingittomyownfrolicsIdidnotturnitintoaverydifferent，channel。
IfIweredeceivedinmyhopetoplease，IcandidlyconfessIwouldregretit，butnotsufficientlysotorepenthavingwrittenmyMemoirs，for，afterall，writingthemhasgivenmepleasure。Oh，cruelennui！Itmustbebymistakethatthosewhohaveinventedthetormentsofhellhaveforgottentoascribetheethefirstplaceamongthem。YetIamboundtoownthatIentertainagreatfearofhisses；
itistoonaturalafearformetoboastofbeinginsensibletothem，andIcannotfindanysolaceintheideathat，whentheseMemoirsarepublished，Ishallbenomore。Icannotthinkwithoutashudderofcontractinganyobligationtowardsdeath:Ihatedeath；for，happyormiserable，lifeistheonlyblessingwhichmanpossesses，andthosewhodonotloveitareunworthyofit。Ifwepreferhonourtolife，itisbecauselifeisblightedbyinfamy；andif，inthealternative，mansometimesthrowsawayhislife，philosophymustremainsilent。
Oh，death，crueldeath！Fatallawwhichnaturenecessarilyrejectsbecausethyveryofficeistodestroynature！Cicerosaysthatdeathfreesusfromallpainsandsorrows，butthisgreatphilosopherbooksalltheexpensewithouttakingthereceiptsintoaccount。Idonotrecollectif，whenhewrotehis’TusculanDisputations’，hisownTulliawasdead。Deathisamonsterwhichturnsawayfromthegreattheatreanattentivehearerbeforetheendoftheplaywhichdeeplyinterestshim，andthisisreasonenoughtohateit。
AllmyadventuresarenottobefoundintheseMemoirs；Ihaveleftoutthosewhichmighthaveoffendedthepersonswhohaveplayedasorryparttherein。Inspiteofthisreserve，myreaderswillperhapsoftenthinkmeindiscreet，andIamsorryforit。ShouldI
perchancebecomewiserbeforeIgiveuptheghost，Imightburneveryoneofthesesheets，butnowIhavenotcourageenoughtodoit。
Itmaybethatcertainlovesceneswillbeconsideredtooexplicit，butletnooneblameme，unlessitbeforlackofskill，forIoughtnottobescoldedbecause，inmyoldage，Icanfindnootherenjoymentbutthatwhichrecollectionsofthepastaffordtome。
Afterall，virtuousandprudishreadersareatlibertytoskipoveranyoffensivepictures，andIthinkitmydutytogivethemthispieceofadvice；somuchtheworseforthosewhomaynotreadmypreface；itisnofaultofmineiftheydonot，foreveryoneoughttoknowthataprefaceistoabookwhattheplay—billistoacomedy；
bothmustberead。
MyMemoirsarenotwrittenforyoungpersonswho，inordertoavoidfalsestepsandslipperyroads，oughttospendtheiryouthinblissfulignorance，butforthosewho，havingthoroughexperienceoflife，arenolongerexposedtotemptation，andwho，havingbuttoooftengonethroughthefire，arelikesalamanders，andcanbescorchedbyitnomore。Truevirtueisbutahabit，andIhavenohesitationinsayingthatthereallyvirtuousarethosepersonswhocanpracticevirtuewithouttheslightesttrouble；suchpersonsarealwaysfulloftoleration，anditistothemthatmyMemoirsareaddressed。
IhavewritteninFrench，andnotinItalian，becausetheFrenchlanguageismoreuniversalthanmine，andthepurists，whomaycriticiseinmystylesomeItalianturnswillbequiteright，butonlyincaseitshouldpreventthemfromunderstandingmeclearly。
TheGreeksadmiredTheophrastusinspiteofhisEresianstyle，andtheRomansdelightedintheirLivyinspiteofhisPatavinity。
ProvidedIamusemyreaders，itseemstomethatIcanclaimthesameindulgence。Afterall，everyItalianreadsAlgarottiwithpleasure，althoughhisworksarefullofFrenchidioms。
Thereisonethingworthyofnotice:ofallthelivinglanguagesbelongingtotherepublicofletters，theFrenchtongueistheonlyonewhichhasbeencondemnedbyitsmastersnevertoborrowinordertobecomericher，whilstallotherlanguages，althoughricherinwordsthantheFrench，plunderfromitwordsandconstructionsofsentences，whenevertheyfindthatbysuchrobberytheyaddsomethingtotheirownbeauty。YetthosewhoborrowthemostfromtheFrench，arethemostforwardintrumpetingthepovertyofthatlanguage，verylikelythinkingthatsuchanaccusationjustifiestheirdepredations。
ItissaidthattheFrenchlanguagehasattainedtheapogeeofitsbeauty，andthatthesmallestforeignloanwouldspoilit，butImakeboldtoassertthatthisisprejudice，for，althoughitcertainlyisthemostclear，themostlogicalofalllanguages，itwouldbegreattemeritytoaffirmthatitcannevergofartherorhigherthanithasgone。Weallrecollectthat，inthedaysofLulli，therewasbutoneopinionofhismusic，yetRameaucameandeverythingwaschanged。
ThenewimpulsegiventotheFrenchnationmayopennewandunexpectedhorizons，andnewbeauties，freshperfections，mayspringupfromnewcombinationsandfromnewwants。
ThemottoIhaveadoptedjustifiesmydigressions，andallthecommentaries，perhapstoonumerous，inwhichIindulgeuponmyvariousexploits:’Nequidquamsapitquisibinonsapit’。ForthesamereasonIhavealwaysfeltagreatdesiretoreceivepraiseandapplausefrompolitesociety:
’Excitatauditorstadium，laudataquevirtusCrescit，etimmensumgloriacalcarhabet。
Iwouldwillinglyhavedisplayedheretheproudaxiom:’Nemolaediturnisiaseipso’，hadInotfearedtooffendtheimmensenumberofpersonswho，wheneveranythinggoeswrongwiththem，arewonttoexclaim，\"Itisnofaultofmine！\"Icannotdeprivethemofthatsmallparticleofcomfort，for，wereitnotforit，theywouldsoonfeelhatredforthemselves，andself—hatredoftenleadstothefatalideaofself—destruction。
AsformyselfIalwayswillinglyacknowledgemyownselfastheprincipalcauseofeverygoodorofeveryevilwhichmaybefallme；
thereforeIhavealwaysfoundmyselfcapableofbeingmyownpupil，andreadytolovemyteacher。
THEMEMOIRSOF
JACQUESCASANOVA
CHAPTERI
MyFamilyPedigree——MyChildhoodDonJacobCasanova，theillegitimatesonofDonFranciscoCasanova，wasanativeofSaragosa，thecapitalofAragon，andintheyearof1428hecarriedoffDonaAnnaPalofaxfromherconvent，onthedayaftershehadtakentheveil。HewassecretarytoKingAlfonso。HeranawaywithhertoRome，where，afteroneyearofimprisonment，thepope，MartinIII。，releasedAnnafromhervows，andgavethemthenuptialblessingattheinstanceofDonJuanCasanova，majordomooftheVatican，anduncleofDonJacob。Allthechildrenbornfromthatmarriagediedintheirinfancy，withtheexceptionofDonJuan，who，in1475，marriedDonnaEleonoraAlbini，bywhomhehadason，MarcoAntonio。
In1481，DonJuan，havingkilledanofficerofthekingofNaples，wascompelledtoleaveRome，andescapedtoComowithhiswifeandhisson；buthavingleftthatcitytoseekhisfortune，hediedwhiletravelingwithChristopherColumbusintheyear1493。
MarcoAntoniobecameanotedpoetoftheschoolofMartial，andwassecretarytoCardinalPompeoColonna。
ThesatireagainstGiuliodeMedicis，whichwefindinhisworks，havingmadeitnecessaryforhimtoleaveRome，hereturnedtoComo，wherehemarriedAbondiaRezzonica。ThesameGiuliodeMedicis，havingbecomepopeunderthenameofClementVII，pardonedhimandcalledhimbacktoRomewithhiswife。ThecityhavingbeentakenandransackedbytheImperialistsin1526，MarcoAntoniodiedtherefromanattackoftheplague；otherwisehewouldhavediedofmisery，thesoldiersofCharlesV。havingtakenallhepossessed。PierreValerienspeaksofhiminhiswork’deinfelicitatelitteratorum’。
Threemonthsafterhisdeath，hiswifegavebirthtoJacquesCasanova，whodiedinFranceatagreatage，colonelinthearmycommandedbyFarneseagainstHenri，kingofNavarre，afterwardskingofFrance。HehadleftinthecityofParmaasonwhomarriedTheresaConti，fromwhomhehadJacques，who，intheyear1681，marriedAnnaRoli。Jacqueshadtwosons，Jean—BaptisteandGaetan—
Joseph—Jacques。TheeldestleftParmain1712，andwasneverheardof；theotheralsowentawayin1715，beingonlynineteenyearsold。
ThisisallIhavefoundinmyfather’sdiary:frommymother’slipsIhaveheardthefollowingparticulars:
Gaetan—Joseph—Jacqueslefthisfamily，madlyinlovewithanactressnamedFragoletta，whoperformedthechambermaids。Inhispoverty，hedeterminedtoearnalivingbymakingthemostofhisownperson。Atfirsthegavehimselfuptodancing，andfiveyearsafterwardsbecameanactor，makinghimselfconspicuousbyhisconductstillmorethanbyhistalent。
Whetherfromficklenessorfromjealousy，heabandonedtheFragoletta，andjoinedinVeniceatroopofcomediansthengivingperformancesattheSaint—SamuelTheatre。Oppositethehouseinwhichhehadtakenhislodgingresidedashoemaker，bynameJeromeFarusi，withhiswifeMarzia，andZanetta，theironlydaughter——aperfectbeautysixteenyearsofage。Theyoungactorfellinlovewiththisgirl，succeededingainingheraffection，andinobtainingherconsenttoarunawaymatch。Itwastheonlywaytowinher，for，beinganactor，henevercouldhavehadMarzia’sconsent，stilllessJerome’s，asintheireyesaplayerwasamostawfulindividual。Theyounglovers，providedwiththenecessarycertificatesandaccompaniedbytwowitnesses，presentedthemselvesbeforethePatriarchofVenice，whoperformedoverthemthemarriageceremony。
Marzia，Zanetta’smother，indulgedinagooddealofexclamation，andthefatherdiedbroken—hearted。
Iwasbornninemonthsafterwards，onthe2ndofApril，1725。
ThefollowingAprilmymotherleftmeunderthecareofherownmother，whohadforgivenherassoonasshehadheardthatmyfatherhadpromisednevertocompelhertoappearonthestage。Thisisapromisewhichallactorsmaketotheyounggirlstheymarry，andwhichtheyneverfulfil，simplybecausetheirwivesnevercaremuchaboutclaimingfromthemtheperformanceofit。Moreover，itturnedoutaveryfortunatethingformymotherthatshehadstudiedforthestage，fornineyearslater，havingbeenleftawidowwithsixchildren，shecouldnothavebroughtthemupifithadnotbeenfortheresourcesshefoundinthatprofession。
IwasonlyoneyearoldwhenmyfatherleftmetogotoLondon，wherehehadanengagement。Itwasinthatgreatcitythatmymothermadeherfirstappearanceonthestage，andinthatcitylikewisethatshegavebirthtomybrotherFrancois，acelebratedpainterofbattles，nowresidinginVienna，wherehehasfollowedhisprofessionsince1783。
Towardstheendoftheyear1728mymotherreturnedtoVenicewithherhusband，andasshehadbecomeanactressshecontinuedherartisticlife。In1730shewasdeliveredofmybrotherJean，whobecameDirectoroftheAcademyofpaintingatDresden，anddiedtherein1795；andduringthethreefollowingyearsshebecamethemotheroftwodaughters，oneofwhomdiedatanearlyage，whiletheothermarriedinDresden，whereshestilllivedin1798。Ihadalsoaposthumousbrother，whobecameapriest；hediedinRomefifteenyearsago。
Letusnowcometothedawnofmyexistenceinthecharacterofathinkingbeing。
TheorganofmemorybegantodevelopitselfinmeatthebeginningofAugust，1733。Ihadatthattimereachedtheageofeightyearsandfourmonths。OfwhatmayhavehappenedtomebeforethatperiodI
havenotthefaintestrecollection。Thisisthecircumstance。
Iwasstandinginthecornerofaroombendingtowardsthewall，supportingmyhead，andmyeyesfixeduponastreamofbloodflowingfrommynosetotheground。Mygrandmother，Marzia，whosepetIwas，cametome，bathedmyfacewithcoldwater，and，unknowntoeveryoneinthehouse，tookmewithherinagondolaasfarasMuran，athickly—populatedislandonlyhalfaleaguedistantfromVenice。
Alightingfromthegondola，weenterawretchedhole，wherewefindanoldwomansittingonaricketybed，holdingablackcatinherarms，withfiveorsixmorepurringaroundher。Thetwooldcroniesheldtogetheralongdiscourseofwhich，mostlikely，Iwasthesubject。Attheendofthedialogue，whichwascarriedoninthepatoisofForli，thewitchhavingreceivedasilverducatfrommygrandmother，openedabox，tookmeinherarms，placedmeintheboxandlockedmeinit，tellingmenottobefrightened——apieceofadvicewhichwouldcertainlyhavehadthecontraryeffect，ifIhadhadanywitsaboutme，butIwasstupefied。Ikeptmyselfquietinacornerofthebox，holdingahandkerchieftomynosebecauseitwasstillbleeding，andotherwiseveryindifferenttotheuproargoingonoutside。Icouldhearinturn，laughter，weeping，singing，screams，shrieks，andknockingagainstthebox，butforallthatIcarednought。AtlastIamtakenoutofthebox；thebloodstopsflowing。
Thewonderfuloldwitch，afterlavishingcaressesuponme，takesoffmyclothes，laysmeonthebed，burnssomedrugs，gathersthesmokeinasheetwhichshewrapsaroundme，pronouncesincantations，takesthesheetoffme，andgivesmefivesugar—plumsofaveryagreeabletaste。Thensheimmediatelyrubsmytemplesandthenapeofmyneckwithanointmentexhalingadelightfulperfume，andputsmyclothesonmeagain。Shetoldmethatmyhaemorrhagewouldlittlebylittleleaveme，providedIshouldneverdisclosetoanyonewhatshehaddonetocureme，andshethreatenedme，ontheotherhand，withthelossofallmybloodandwithdeath，shouldIeverbreatheawordconcerningthosemysteries。Afterhavingthustaughtmemylesson，sheinformedmethatabeautifulladywouldpaymeavisitduringthefollowingnight，andthatshewouldmakemehappy，onconditionthatIshouldhavesufficientcontrolovermyselfnevertomentiontoanyonemyhavingreceivedsuchavisit。Uponthisweleftandreturnedhome。
IfellasleepalmostassoonasIwasinbed，withoutgivingathoughttothebeautifulvisitorIwastoreceive；but，wakingupafewhoursafterwards，Isaw，orfanciedIsaw，comingdownthechimney，adazzlingwoman，withimmensehoops，splendidlyattired，andwearingonherheadacrownsetwithpreciousstones，whichseemedtomesparklingwithfire。Withslowsteps，butwithamajesticandsweetcountenance，shecameforwardandsatonmybed；
thentakingseveralsmallboxesfromherpocket，sheemptiedtheircontentsovermyhead，softlywhisperingafewwords，andaftergivingutterancetoalongspeech，notasinglewordofwhichI
understood，shekissedmeanddisappearedthesamewayshehadcome。
Isoonwentagaintosleep。
Thenextmorning，mygrandmothercametodressme，andthemomentshewasnearmybed，shecautionedmetobesilent，threateningmewithdeathifIdaredtosayanythingrespectingmynight’sadventures。
Thiscommand，laiduponmebytheonlywomanwhohadcompleteauthorityoverme，andwhoseordersIwasaccustomedtoobeyblindly，causedmetorememberthevision，andtostoreit，withthesealofsecrecy，intheinmostcornerofmydawningmemory。Ihadnot，however，theslightestinclinationtomentionthecircumstancestoanyone；inthefirstplace，becauseIdidnotsupposeitwouldinterestanybody，andinthesecondbecauseIwouldnothaveknownwhomtomakeaconfidantof。Mydiseasehadrenderedmedullandretired；everybodypitiedmeandleftmetomyself；mylifewasconsideredlikelytobebutashortone，andastomyparents，theyneverspoketome。
AfterthejourneytoMuran，andthenocturnalvisitofthefairy，I
continuedtohavebleedingatthenose，butlessfromdaytoday，andmymemoryslowlydevelopeditself。Ilearnedtoreadinlessthanamonth。
Itwouldberidiculous，ofcourse，toattributethiscuretosuchfollies，butatthesametimeIthinkitwouldbewrongtoassertthattheydidnotinanywaycontributetoit。Asfarastheapparitionofthebeautifulqueenisconcerned，Ihavealwaysdeemedittobeadream，unlessitshouldhavebeensomemasqueradegotupfortheoccasion，butitisnotalwaysinthedruggist’sshopthatarefoundthebestremediesforseverediseases。Ourignoranceiseverydayprovedbysomewonderfulphenomenon，andIbelievethistobethereasonwhyitissodifficulttomeetwithalearnedmanentirelyuntaintedwithsuperstition。Weknow，asamatterofcourse，thatthereneverhavebeenanysorcerersinthisworld，yetitistruethattheirpowerhasalwaysexistedintheestimationofthosetowhomcraftyknaveshavepassedthemselvesoffassuch。
’SomnionocturnoslemuresportentaqueThessaliavides’。
Manythingsbecomerealwhich，atfirst，hadnoexistencebutinourimagination，and，asanaturalconsequence，manyfactswhichhavebeenattributedtoFaithmaynotalwayshavebeenmiraculous，althoughtheyaretruemiraclesforthosewholendtoFaithaboundlesspower。
ThenextcircumstanceofanyimportancetomyselfwhichIrecollecthappenedthreemonthsaftermytriptoMuran，andsixweeksbeforemyfather’sdeath。Igiveittomyreadersonlytoconveysomeideaofthemannerinwhichmynaturewasexpanding。
Oneday，aboutthemiddleofNovember，IwaswithmybrotherFrancois，twoyearsyoungerthanI，inmyfather’sroom，watchinghimattentivelyashewasworkingatoptics。Alargelumpofcrystal，roundandcutintofacets，attractedmyattention。Itookitup，andhavingbroughtitnearmyeyesIwasdelightedtoseethatitmultipliedobjects。Thewishtopossessmyselfofitatoncegotholdofme，andseeingmyselfunobservedItookmyopportunityandhiditinmypocket。
Afewminutesafterthismyfatherlookedaboutforhiscrystal，andunabletofindit，heconcludedthatoneofusmusthavetakenit。
Mybrotherassertedthathehadnottouchedit，andI，althoughguilty，saidthesame；butmyfather，satisfiedthathecouldnotbemistaken，threatenedtosearchusandtothrashtheonewhohadtoldhimastory。Ipretendedtolookforthecrystalineverycorneroftheroom，and，watchingmyopportunityIslylyslippeditinthepocketofmybrother’sjacket。AtfirstIwassorryforwhatIhaddone，forImightaswellhavefeignedtofindthecrystalsomewhereabouttheroom；buttheevildeedwaspastrecall。Myfather，seeingthatwewerelookinginvain，lostpatience，searchedus，foundtheunluckyballofcrystalinthepocketoftheinnocentboy，andinflicteduponhimthepromisedthrashing。ThreeorfouryearslaterIwasfoolishenoughtoboastbeforemybrotherofthetrickIhadthenplayedonhim；heneverforgaveme，andhasneverfailedtotakehisrevengewhenevertheopportunityoffered。
However，havingatalaterperiodgonetoconfession，andaccusedmyselftothepriestofthesinwitheverycircumstancesurroundingit，Igainedsomeknowledgewhichaffordedmegreatsatisfaction。Myconfessor，whowasaJesuit，toldmethatbythatdeedIhadverifiedthemeaningofmyfirstname，Jacques，which，hesaid，meant，inHebrew，\"supplanter，\"andthatGodhadchangedforthatreasonthenameoftheancientpatriarchintothatofIsrael，whichmeant\"knowing。\"HehaddeceivedhisbrotherEsau。
Sixweeksaftertheaboveadventuremyfatherwasattackedwithanabscessintheheadwhichcarriedhimoffinaweek。Dr。Zambellifirstgavehimoppilativeremedies，and，seeinghismistake，hetriedtomenditbyadministeringcastoreum，whichsenthispatientintoconvulsionsandkilledhim。Theabscessbrokeoutthroughtheearoneminuteafterhisdeath，takingitsleaveafterkillinghim，asifithadnolongeranybusinesswithhim。Myfatherdepartedthislifeintheveryprimeofhismanhood。Hewasonlythirty—sixyearsofage，buthewasfollowedtohisgravebytheregretsofthepublic，andmoreparticularlyofallthepatriciansamongstwhomhewasheldasabovehisprofession，notlessonaccountofhisgentlemanlybehaviourthanonaccountofhisextensiveknowledgeinmechanics。
Twodaysbeforehisdeath，feelingthathisendwasathand，myfatherexpressedawishtoseeusallaroundhisbed，inthepresenceofhiswifeandoftheMessieursGrimani，threeVenetiannoblemenwhoseprotectionhewishedtoentreatinourfavour。Aftergivingushisblessing，herequestedourmother，whowasdrownedintears，togivehersacredpromisethatshewouldnoteducateanyofusforthestage，onwhichheneverwouldhaveappearedhimselfhadhenotbeenledtoitbyanunfortunateattachment。Mymothergaveherpromise，andthethreenoblemensaidthattheywouldseetoitsbeingfaithfullykept。Circumstanceshelpedourmothertofulfillherword。
Atthattimemymotherhadbeenpregnantforsixmonths，andshewasallowedtoremainawayfromthestageuntilafterEaster。Beautifulandyoungasshewas，shedeclinedalltheoffersofmarriagewhichweremadetoher，and，placinghertrustinProvidence，shecourageouslydevotedherselftothetaskofbringingupheryoungfamily。
Sheconsidereditadutytothinkofmebeforetheothers，notsomuchfromafeelingofpreferenceasinconsequenceofmydisease，whichhadsuchaneffectuponmethatitwasdifficulttoknowwhattodowithme。Iwasveryweak，withoutanyappetite，unabletoapplymyselftoanything，andIhadalltheappearanceofanidiot。
Physiciansdisagreedastothecauseofthedisease。Heloses，theywouldsay，twopoundsofbloodeveryweek；yettherecannotbemorethansixteenoreighteenpoundsinhisbody。What，then，cancausesoabundantableeding？Oneassertedthatinmeallthechyleturnedintoblood；anotherwasofopinionthattheairIwasbreathingmust，ateachinhalation，increasethequantityofbloodinmylungs，andcontendedthatthiswasthereasonforwhichIalwayskeptmymouthopen。IheardofitallsixyearsafterwardfromM。Baffo，agreatfriendofmylatefather。
ThisM。BaffoconsultedthecelebratedDoctorMacop，ofPadua，whosenthimhisopinionbywriting。Thisconsultation，whichIhavestillinmypossession，saysthatourbloodisanelasticfluidwhichisliabletodiminishortoincreaseinthickness，butneverinquantity，andthatmyhaemorrhagecouldonlyproceedfromthethicknessofthemassofmyblood，whichrelieveditselfinanaturalwayinordertofacilitatecirculation。ThedoctoraddedthatI
wouldhavediedlongbefore，hadnotnature，initswishforlife，assisteditself，andheconcludedbystatingthatthecauseofthethicknessofmybloodcouldonlybeascribedtotheairIwasbreathingandthatconsequentlyImusthaveachangeofair，oreveryhopeofcurebeabandoned。Hethoughtlikewise，thatthestupiditysoapparentonmycountenancewascausedbynothingelsebutthethicknessofmyblood。
M。Baffo，amanofsublimegenius，amostlascivious，yetagreatandoriginalpoet，wasthereforeinstrumentalinbringingaboutthedecisionwhichwasthentakentosendmetoPadua，andtohimIamindebtedformylife。Hediedtwentyyearsafter，thelastofhisancientpatricianfamily，buthispoems，althoughobscene，willgiveeverlastingfametohisname。Thestate—inquisitorsofVenicehavecontributedtohiscelebritybytheirmistakenstrictness。Theirpersecutionscausedhismanuscriptworkstobecomeprecious。Theyoughttohavebeenawarethatdespisedthingsareforgotten。
AssoonastheverdictgivenbyProfessorMacophadbeenapprovedof，theAbbeGrimaniundertooktofindagoodboarding—houseinPaduaforme，throughachemistofhisacquaintancewhoresidedinthatcity。
HisnamewasOttaviani，andhewasalsoanantiquarianofsomerepute。Inafewdaystheboarding—housewasfound，andonthe2nddayofApril，1734，ontheverydayIhadaccomplishedmyninthyear，IwastakentoPaduaina’burchiello’，alongtheBrentaCanal。Weembarkedatteno’clockintheevening，immediatelyaftersupper。
The’burchiello’maybeconsideredasmallfloatinghouse。Thereisalargesaloonwithasmallercabinateachend，androomsforservantsforeandaft。Itisalongsquarewitharoof，andcutoneachsidebyglazedwindowswithshutters。Thevoyagetakeseighthours。M。Grimani，M。Baffo，andmymotheraccompaniedme。Isleptwithherinthesaloon，andthetwofriendspassedthenightinoneofthecabins。Mymotherroseatdaybreak，openedoneofthewindowsfacingthebed，andtheraysoftherisingsun，fallingonmyeyes，causedmetoopenthem。Thebedwastoolowformetoseetheland；Icouldseethroughthewindowonlythetopsofthetreesalongtheriver。TheboatwassailingwithsuchanevenmovementthatI
couldnotrealizethefactofourmoving，sothatthetrees，which，oneaftertheother，wererapidlydisappearingfrommysight，causedmeanextremesurprise。\"Ah，dearmother！\"Iexclaimed，\"whatisthis？thetreesarewalking！\"Atthatverymomentthetwonoblemencamein，andreadingastonishmentonmycountenance，theyaskedmewhatmythoughtsweresobusyabout。\"Howisit，\"Ianswered，\"thatthetreesarewalking。\"
Theyalllaughed，butmymother，heavingagreatsigh，toldme，inatoneofdeeppity，\"Theboatismoving，thetreesarenot。Nowdressyourself。\"
Iunderstoodatoncethereasonofthephenomenon。\"Thenitmaybe，\"
saidI，\"thatthesundoesnotmove，andthatwe，onthecontrary，arerevolvingfromwesttoeast。\"Atthesewordsmygoodmotherfairlyscreamed。M。Grimanipitiedmyfoolishness，andIremaineddismayed，grieved，andreadytocry。M。Baffobroughtmelifeagain。Herushedtome，embracedmetenderly，andsaid，\"Thouareright，mychild。Thesundoesnotmove；takecourage，giveheedtoyourreasoningpowersandletotherslaugh。\"
Mymother，greatlysurprised，askedhimwhetherhehadtakenleaveofhissensestogivemesuchlessons；butthephilosopher，notevencondescendingtoanswerher，wentonsketchingatheoryinharmonywithmyyoungandsimpleintelligence。ThiswasthefirstrealpleasureIenjoyedinmylife。HaditnotbeenforM。Baffo，thiscircumstancemighthavebeenenoughtodegrademyunderstanding；theweaknessofcredulitywouldhavebecomepartofmymind。Theignoranceofthetwootherswouldcertainlyhavebluntedinmetheedgeofafacultywhich，perhaps，hasnotcarriedmeveryfarinmyafterlife，buttowhichaloneIfeelthatIamindebtedforeveryparticleofhappinessIenjoywhenIlookintomyself。
WereachedPaduaatanearlyhourandwenttoOttaviani’shouse；hiswifeloadedmewithcaresses。Ifoundtherefiveorsixchildren，amongstthemagirlofeightyears，namedMarie，andanotherofseven，Rose，beautifulasaseraph。TenyearslaterMariebecamethewifeofthebrokerColonda，andRose，afewyearsafterwards，marriedanobleman，PierreMarcello，andhadonesonandtwodaughters，oneofwhomwasweddedtoM。PierreMoncenigo，andtheothertoanoblemanoftheCarrerofamily。Thislastmarriagewasafterwardsnullified。Ishallhave，inthecourseofevents，tospeakofallthesepersons，andthatismyreasonformentioningtheirnameshere。
OttavianitookusatoncetothehousewhereIwastoboard。Itwasonlyafewyardsfromhisownresidence，atSainte—Maried’Advance，intheparishofSaint—Michel，inthehouseofanoldSclavonianwoman，wholetthefirstfloortoSignoraMida，wifeofaSclavoniancolonel。Mysmalltrunkwaslaidopenbeforetheoldwoman，towhomwashandedaninventoryofallitscontents，togetherwithsixsequinsforsixmonthspaidinadvance。Forthissmallsumsheundertooktofeedme，tokeepmeclean，andtosendmetoaday—
school。Protestingthatitwasnotenough，sheacceptedtheseterms。
Iwaskissedandstronglycommandedtobealwaysobedientanddocile，andIwasleftwithher。
Inthiswaydidmyfamilygetridofme。
CHAPTERII
MyGrandmotherComestoPadua，andTakesMetoDr。Gozzi’sSchool——MyFirstLoveAffairAssoonasIwasleftalonewiththeSclavonianwoman，shetookmeuptothegarret，whereshepointedoutmybedinarowwithfourothers，threeofwhichbelongedtothreeyoungboysofmyage，whoatthatmomentwereatschool，andthefourthtoaservantgirlwhoseprovinceitwastowatchusandtopreventthemanypeccadilloesinwhichschool—boysarewonttoindulge。Afterthisvisitwecamedownstairs，andIwastakentothegardenwithpermissiontowalkaboutuntildinner—time。
Ifeltneitherhappynorunhappy；Ihadnothingtosay。Ihadneitherfearnorhope，norevenafeelingofcuriosity；Iwasneithercheerfulnorsad。Theonlythingwhichgrateduponmewasthefaceofthemistressofthehouse。AlthoughIhadnotthefaintestideaeitherofbeautyorofugliness，herface，hercountenance，hertoneofvoice，herlanguage，everythinginthatwomanwasrepulsivetome。
HermasculinefeaturesrepelledmeeverytimeIliftedmyeyestowardsherfacetolistentowhatshesaidtome。Shewastallandcoarselikeatrooper；hercomplexionwasyellow，herhairblack，hereyebrowslongandthick，andherchingloriedinarespectablebristlybeard:tocompletethepicture，herhideous，half—nakedbosomwashanginghalf—waydownherlongchest；shemayhavebeenaboutfifty。Theservantwasastoutcountrygirl，whodidalltheworkofthehouse；thegardenwasasquareofsomethirtyfeet，whichhadnootherbeautythanitsgreenappearance。
Towardsnoonmythreecompanionscamebackfromschool，andtheyatoncespoketomeasifwehadbeenoldacquaintances，naturallygivingmecreditforsuchintelligenceasbelongedtomyage，butwhichIdidnotpossess。Ididnotanswerthem，buttheywerenotbaffled，andtheyatlastprevaileduponmetosharetheirinnocentpleasures。Ihadtorun，tocarryandbecarried，toturnheadoverheels，andIallowedmyselftobeinitiatedintothoseartswithaprettygoodgraceuntilweweresummonedtodinner。Isatdowntothetable；butseeingbeforemeawoodenspoon，Ipusheditback，askingformysilverspoonandforktowhichIwasmuchattached，becausetheywereagiftfrommygoodoldgranny。Theservantansweredthatthemistresswishedtomaintainequalitybetweentheboys，andIhadtosubmit，muchtomydisgust。Havingthuslearnedthatequalityineverythingwastheruleofthehouse，Iwenttoworkliketheothersandbegantoeatthesoupoutofthecommondish，andifIdidnotcomplainoftherapiditywithwhichmycompanionsmadeitdisappear，Icouldnothelpwonderingatsuchinequalitybeingallowed。Tofollowthisverypoorsoup，wehadasmallportionofdriedcodandoneappleeach，anddinnerwasover:itwasinLent。
Wehadneitherglassesnorcups，andweallhelpedourselvesoutofthesameearthenpitchertoamiserabledrinkcalledgraspia，whichismadebyboilinginwaterthestemsofgrapesstrippedoftheirfruit。FromthefollowingdayIdranknothingbutwater。Thiswayoflivingsurprisedme，forIdidnotknowwhetherIhadarighttocomplainofit。Afterdinnertheservanttookmetotheschool，keptbyayoungpriest，DoctorGozzi，withwhomtheSclavonianwomanhadbargainedformyschoolingattherateoffortysousamonth，ortheeleventhpartofasequin。
Thefirstthingtodowastoteachmewriting，andIwasplacedamongstchildrenoffiveandsixyears，whodidnotfailtoturnmeintoridiculeonaccountofmyage。
Onmyreturntotheboarding—houseIhadmysupper，which，asamatterofcourse，wasworsethanthedinner，andIcouldnotmakeoutwhytherightofcomplaintshouldbedeniedme。Iwasthenputtobed，buttherethreewell—knownspeciesofverminkeptmeawakeallnight，besidestherats，which，runningalloverthegarret，jumpedonmybedandfairlymademybloodruncoldwithfright。ThisisthewayinwhichIbegantofeelmisery，andtolearnhowtosufferitpatiently。Thevermin，whichfeasteduponme，lessenedmyfearoftherats，andbyaveryluckysystemofcompensation，thedreadoftheratsmademelesssensitivetothebitesofthevermin。Mymindwasreapingbenefitfromtheverystrugglefoughtbetweentheevilswhichsurroundedme。Theservantwasperfectlydeaftomyscreaming。
AssoonasitwasdaylightIranoutofthewretchedgarret，and，aftercomplainingtothegirlofallIhadenduredduringthenight，IaskedhertogivemeaCleanshirt，theoneIhadonbeingdisgustingtolookat，butsheansweredthatIcouldonlychangemylinenonaSunday，andlaughedatmewhenIthreatenedtocomplaintothemistress。ForthefirsttimeinmylifeIshedtearsofsorrowandofanger，whenIheardmycompanionsscoffingatme。Thepoorwretchessharedmyunhappycondition，buttheywereusedtoit，andthatmakesallthedifference。
Sorelydepressed，Iwenttoschool，butonlytosleepsoundlythroughthemorning。Oneofmycomrades，inthehopeofturningtheaffairintoridiculeatmyexpense，toldthedoctorthereasonofmybeingsosleepy。Thegoodpriest，however，towhomwithoutdoubtProvidencehadguidedme，calledmeintohisprivateroom，listenedtoallIhadtosay，sawwithhisowneyestheproofsofmymisery，andmovedbythesightoftheblisterswhichdisfiguredmyinnocentskin，hetookuphiscloak，wentwithmetomyboarding—house，andshewedthewomanthestateIwasin。Sheputonalookofgreatastonishment，andthrewalltheblameupontheservant。Thedoctorbeingcurioustoseemybed，Iwas，asmuchashewas，surprisedatthefilthystateofthesheetsinwhichIhadpassedthenight。Theaccursedwomanwentonblamingtheservant，andsaidthatshewoulddischargeher；butthegirl，happeningtobecloseby，andnotrelishingtheaccusation，toldherboldlythatthefaultwasherown，andshethenthrewopenthebedsofmycompanionstoshewusthattheydidnotexperienceanybettertreatment。Themistress，raving，slappedherontheface，andtheservant，tobeevenwithher，returnedthecomplimentandranaway。Thedoctorleftmethere，sayingthatIcouldnotenterhisschoolunlessIwassenttohimascleanastheotherboys。Theresultformewasaverysharprebuke，withthethreat，asafinishingstroke，thatifIevercausedsuchabroilagain，Iwouldbeignominiouslyturnedoutofthehouse。
Icouldnotmakeitout；Ihadjustenteredlife，andIhadnoknowledgeofanyotherplacebutthehouseinwhichIhadbeenborn，inwhichIhadbeenbroughtup，andinwhichIhadalwaysseencleanlinessandhonestcomfort。HereIfoundmyselfill—treated，scolded，althoughitdidnotseempossiblethatanyblamecouldbeattachedtome。Atlasttheoldshrewtossedashirtinmyface，andanhourlaterIsawanewservantchangingthesheets，afterwhichwehadourdinner。
Myschoolmastertookparticularcareininstructingme。Hegavemeaseatathisowndesk，andinordertoshewmyproperappreciationofsuchafavour，Igavemyselfuptomystudies；attheendofthefirstmonthIcouldwritesowellthatIwaspromotedtothegrammarclass。
ThenewlifeIwasleading，thehalf—starvationsystemtowhichIwascondemned，andmostlikelymorethaneverythingelse，theairofPadua，broughtmehealthsuchasIhadneverenjoyedbefore，butthatverystateofbloominghealthmadeitstillmoredifficultformetobearthehungerwhichIwascompelledtoendure；itbecameunbearable。Iwasgrowingrapidly；Ienjoyedninehoursofdeepsleep，unbrokenbyanydreams，savethatIalwaysfanciedmyselfsittingatawell—spreadtable，andgratifyingmycruelappetite，buteverymorningIcouldrealizeinfullthevanityandtheunpleasantdisappointmentofflatteringdreams！Thisravenousappetitewouldatlasthaveweakenedmetodeath，hadInotmadeupmymindtopounceupon，andtoswallow，everykindofeatablesIcouldfind，wheneverI
wascertainofnotbeingseen。
Necessitybegetsingenuity。Ihadspiedinacupboardofthekitchensomefiftyredherrings；Idevouredthemalloneaftertheother，aswellasallthesausageswhichwerehanginginthechimneytobesmoked；andinordertoaccomplishthosefeatswithoutbeingdetected，Iwasinthehabitofgettingupatnightandofundertakingmyforagingexpeditionsunderthefriendlyveilofdarkness。Everynew—laideggIcoulddiscoverinthepoultry—yard，quitewarmandscarcelydroppedbythehen，wasamostdelicioustreat。Iwouldevengoasfarasthekitchenoftheschoolmasterinthehopeofpilferingsomethingtoeat。
TheSclavonianwoman，indespairatbeingunabletocatchthethieves，turnedawayservantafterservant。But，inspiteofallmyexpeditions，asIcouldnotalwaysfindsomethingtosteal，Iwasasthinasawalkingskeleton。
Myprogressatschoolwassorapidduringfourorfivemonthsthatthemasterpromotedmetotherankofdux。Myprovincewastoexaminethelessonsofmythirtyschool—fellows，tocorrecttheirmistakesandreporttothemasterwithwhatevernoteofblameorofapprovalIthoughttheydeserved；butmystrictnessdidnotlastlong，foridleboyssoonfoundoutthewaytoenlistmysympathy。
WhentheirLatinlessonwasfullofmistakes，theywouldbuymeoffwithcutletsandroastchickens；theyevengavememoney。Theseproceedingsexcitedmycovetousness，or，rather，mygluttony，and，notsatisfiedwithlevyingataxupontheignorant，Ibecameatyrant，andIrefusedwell—meritedapprobationtoallthosewhodeclinedpayingthecontributionIdemanded。Atlast，unabletobearmyinjusticeanylonger，theboysaccusedme，andthemaster，seeingmeconvictedofextortion，removedmefrommyexaltedposition。I
wouldverylikelyhavefaredbadlyaftermydismissal，hadnotFatedecidedtoputanendtomycruelapprenticeship。
DoctorGozzi，whowasattachedtome，calledmeprivatelyonedayintohisstudy，andaskedmewhetherIwouldfeeldisposedtocarryouttheadvicehewouldgivemeinordertobringaboutmyremovalfromthehouseoftheSclavonianwoman，andmyadmissioninhisownfamily。Findingmedelightedatsuchanoffer，hecausedmetocopythreeletterswhichIsent，onetotheAbbeGrimani，anothertomyfriendBaffo，andthelasttomyexcellentgrandam。Thehalf—yearwasnearlyout，andmymothernotbeinginVeniceatthatperiodtherewasnotimetolose。
InmylettersIgaveadescriptionofallmysufferings，andI
prognosticatedmydeathwereInotimmediatelyremovedfrommyboarding—houseandplacedunderthecareofmyschool—master，whowasdisposedtoreceiveme；buthewantedtwosequinsamonth。
M。Grimanididnotanswerme，andcommissionedhisfriendOttavianitoscoldmeforallowingmyselftobeensnaredbythedoctor；butM。
Baffowenttoconsultwithmygrandmother，whocouldnotwrite，andinaletterwhichheaddressedtomeheinformedmethatIwouldsoonfindmyselfinahappiersituation。And，truly，withinaweektheexcellentoldwoman，wholovedmeuntilherdeath，madeherappearanceasIwassittingdowntomydinner。Shecameinwiththemistressofthehouse，andthemomentIsawherIthrewmyarmsaroundherneck，cryingbitterly，inwhichluxurytheoldladysoonjoinedme。Shesatdownandtookmeonherknees；mycourageroseagain。InthepresenceoftheSclavonianwomanIenumeratedallmygrievances，andaftercallingherattentiontothefood，fitonlyforbeggars，whichIwascompelledtoswallow，Itookherupstairstoshewhermybed。Ibeggedhertotakemeoutandgivemeagooddinneraftersixmonthsofsuchstarvation。Theboarding—housekeeperboldlyassertedthatshecouldnotaffordbetterfortheamountshehadreceived，andtherewastruthinthat，butshehadnobusinesstokeephouseandtobecomethetormentorofpoorchildrenwhowerethrownonherhandsbystinginess，andwhorequiredtobeproperlyfed。
Mygrandmotherveryquietlyintimatedherintentiontotakemeawayforthwith，andaskedhertoputallmythingsinmytrunk。Icannotexpressmyjoyduringthesepreparations。ForthefirsttimeIfeltthatkindofhappinesswhichmakesforgivenesscompulsoryuponthebeingwhoenjoysit，andcauseshimtoforgetallpreviousunpleasantness。Mygrandmothertookmetotheinn，anddinnerwasserved，butshecouldhardlyeatanythinginherastonishmentatthevoracitywithwhichIwasswallowingmyfood。InthemeantimeDoctorGozzi，towhomshehadsentnoticeofherarrival，camein，andhisappearancesoonprepossessedherinhisfavour。Hewasthenafine—
lookingpriest，twenty—sixyearsofage，chubby，modest，andrespectful。Inlessthanaquarterofanhoureverythingwassatisfactorilyarrangedbetweenthem。Thegoodoldladycountedouttwenty—foursequinsforoneyearofmyschooling，andtookareceiptforthesame，butshekeptmewithherforthreedaysinordertohavemeclothedlikeapriest，andtogetmeawig，asthefilthystateofmyhairmadeitnecessarytohaveitallcutoff。
Attheendofthethreedaysshetookmetothedoctor’shouse，soastoseeherselftomyinstallationandtorecommendmetothedoctor’smother，whodesiredhertosendortobuyinPaduaabedsteadandbedding；butthedoctorhavingremarkedthat，hisownbedbeingverywide，Imightsleepwithhim，mygrandmotherexpressedhergratitudeforallhiskindness，andweaccompaniedherasfarastheburchielloshehadengagedtoreturntoVenice。
ThefamilyofDoctorGozziwascomposedofhismother，whohadgreatreverenceforhim，because，apeasantbybirth，shedidnotthinkherselfworthyofhavingasonwhowasapriest，andstillmoreadoctorindivinity；shewasplain，old，andcross；andofhisfather，ashoemakerbytrade，workingalldaylongandneveraddressingawordtoanyone，notevenduringthemeals。Heonlybecameasociablebeingonholidays，onwhichoccasionshewouldspendhistimewithhisfriendsinsometavern，cominghomeatmidnightasdrunkasalordandsingingversesfromTasso。Wheninthisblissfulstatethegoodmancouldnotmakeuphismindtogotobed，andbecameviolentifanyoneattemptedtocompelhimtoliedown。Winealonegavehimsenseandspirit，forwhensoberhewasincapableofattendingtothesimplestfamilymatter，andhiswifeoftensaidthatheneverwouldhavemarriedherhadnothisfriendstakencaretogivehimagoodbreakfastbeforehewenttothechurch。
ButDoctorGozzihadalsoasister，calledBettina，whoattheageofthirteenwaspretty，lively，andagreatreaderofromances。Herfatherandmotherscoldedherconstantlybecauseshewastoooftenlookingoutofthewindow，andthedoctordidthesameonaccountofherloveforreading。Thisgirltookatoncemyfancywithoutmyknowingwhy，andlittlebylittleshekindledinmyheartthefirstsparkofapassionwhich，afterwardsbecameinmetherulingone。
SixmonthsafterIhadbeenaninmateinthehouse，thedoctorfoundhimselfwithoutscholars；theyallwentawaybecauseIhadbecomethesoleobjectofhisaffection。Hethendeterminedtoestablishacollege，andtoreceiveyoungboysasboarders；buttwoyearspassedbeforehemetwithanysuccess。Duringthatperiodhetaughtmeeverythingheknew；true，itwasnotmuch；yetitwasenoughtoopentomethehighroadtoallsciences。Helikewisetaughtmetheviolin，anaccomplishmentwhichprovedveryusefultomeinapeculiarcircumstance，theparticularsofwhichIwillgiveingoodtime。Theexcellentdoctor，whowasinnowayaphilosopher，mademestudythelogicofthePeripatetics，andthecosmographyoftheancientsystemofPtolemy，atwhichIwouldlaugh，teasingthepoordoctorwiththeoremstowhichhecouldfindnoanswer。Hishabits，moreover，wereirreproachable，andinallthingsconnectedwithreligion，althoughnobigot，hewasofthegreateststrictness，and，admittingeverythingasanarticleoffaith，nothingappeareddifficulttohisconception。Hebelievedthedelugetohavebeenuniversal，andhethoughtthat，beforethatgreatcataclysm，menlivedathousandyearsandconversedwithGod，thatNoahtookonehundredyearstobuildtheark，andthattheearth，suspendedintheair，isfirmlyheldintheverycentreoftheuniversewhichGodhadcreatedfromnothing。WhenIwouldsayandprovethatitwasabsurdtobelieveintheexistenceofnothingness，hewouldstopmeshortandcallmeafool。
Hecouldenjoyagoodbed，aglassofwine，andcheerfulnessathome。
Hedidnotadmirefinewits，goodjestsorcriticism，becauseiteasilyturnstoslander，andhewouldlaughatthefollyofmenreadingnewspaperswhich，inhisopinion，alwaysliedandconstantlyrepeatedthesamethings。Heassertedthatnothingwasmoretroublesomethanincertitude，andthereforehecondemnedthoughtbecauseitgivesbirthtodoubt。
Hisrulingpassionwaspreaching，forwhichhisfaceandhisvoicequalifiedhim；hiscongregationwasalmostentirelycomposedofwomenofwhom，however，hewastheswornenemy；somuchso，thathewouldnotlooktheminthefaceevenwhenhespoketothem。Weaknessofthefleshandfornicationappearedtohimthemostmonstrousofsins，andhewouldbeveryangryifIdaredtoassertthat，inmyestimation，theywerethemostvenialoffaults。HissermonswerecrammedwithpassagesfromtheGreekauthors，whichhetranslatedintoLatin。OnedayIventuredtoremarkthatthosepassagesoughttobetranslatedintoItalianbecausewomendidnotunderstandLatinanymorethanGreek，buthetookoffence，andIneverhadafterwardsthecouragetoalludeanymoretothematter。Moreoverhepraisedmetohisfriendsasawonder，becauseIhadlearnedtoreadGreekalone，withoutanyassistancebutagrammar。
DuringLent，intheyear1736，mymother，wrotetothedoctor；and，asshewasonthepointofherdepartureforSt。Petersburg，shewishedtoseeme，andrequestedhimtoaccompanymetoVeniceforthreeorfourdays。Thisinvitationsethimthinking，forhehadneverseenVenice，neverfrequentedgoodcompany，andyethedidnotwishtoappearanoviceinanything。WeweresoonreadytoleavePadua，andallthefamilyescortedustothe’burchiello’。
Mymotherreceivedthedoctorwithamostfriendlywelcome；butshewasstrikinglybeautiful，andmypoormasterfeltveryuncomfortable，notdaringtolookherintheface，andyetcalledupontoconversewithher。Shesawthedilemmahewasin，andthoughtshewouldhavesomeamusingsportaboutitshouldopportunitypresentitself。I，inthemeantime，drewtheattentionofeveryoneinhercircle；everybodyhadknownmeasafool，andwasamazedatmyimprovementintheshortspaceoftwoyears。Thedoctorwasoverjoyed，becausehesawthatthefullcreditofmytransformationwasgiventohim。
Thefirstthingwhichstruckmymotherunpleasantlywasmylight—
colouredwig，whichwasnotinharmonywithmydarkcomplexion，andcontrastedmostwoefullywithmyblackeyesandeyebrows。SheinquiredfromthedoctorwhyIdidnotwearmyownhair，andheansweredthat，withawig，itwaseasierforhissistertokeepmeclean。Everyonesmiledatthesimplicityoftheanswer，butthemerrimentincreasedwhen，tothequestionmadebymymotherwhetherhissisterwasmarried，Itooktheansweruponmyself，andsaidthatBettinawastheprettiestgirlofPadua，andwasonlyfourteenyearsofage。Mymotherpromisedthedoctorasplendidpresentforhissisteronconditionthatshewouldletmewearmyownhair，andhepromisedthatherwisheswouldbecompliedwith。Theperuke—makerwasthencalled，andIhadawigwhichmatchedmycomplexion。
Soonafterwardsalltheguestsbegantoplaycards，withtheexceptionofmymaster，andIwenttoseemybrothersinmygrandmother’sroom。FrancoisshewedmesomearchitecturaldesignswhichIpretendedtoadmire；Jeanhadnothingtoskewme，andI
thoughthimaratherinsignificantboy。Theotherswerestillveryyoung。
Atthesupper—table，thedoctor，seatednexttomymother，wasveryawkward。Hewouldverylikelynothavesaidoneword，hadnotanEnglishman，awriteroftalent，addressedhiminLatin；butthedoctor，beingunabletomakehimout，modestlyansweredthathedidnotunderstandEnglish，whichcausedmuchhilarity。M。Baffo，however，explainedthepuzzlebytellingusthatEnglishmenreadandpronouncedLatininthesamewaythattheyreadandspoketheirownlanguage，andIremarkedthatEnglishmenwerewrongasmuchaswewouldbe，ifwepretendedtoreadandtopronouncetheirlanguageaccordingtoLatinrules。TheEnglishman，pleasedwithmyreasoning，wrotedownthefollowingoldcouplet，andgaveittometoread:
’Dicite，grammatici，curmasculanominacunnus，Etcurfemineummentulanomenhabet。’
Afterreadingitaloud，Iexclaimed，\"ThisisLatinindeed。\"
\"Weknowthat，\"saidmymother，\"butcanyouexplainit，\"
\"Toexplainitisnotenough，\"Ianswered；\"itisaquestionwhichisworthyofananswer。\"Andafterconsideringforamoment，Iwrotethefollowingpentameter’Discequodadominonominaservushabet。’
Thiswasmyfirstliteraryexploit，andImaysaythatinthatveryinstanttheseedofmyloveforliteraryfamewassowninmybreast，fortheapplauselavisheduponmeexaltedmetotheverypinnacleofhappiness。TheEnglishman，quiteamazedatmyanswer，saidthatnoboyofelevenyearshadeveraccomplishedsuchafeat，embracedmerepeatedly，andpresentedmewithhiswatch。Mymother，inquisitivelikeawoman，askedM。Grimanitotellherthemeaningofthelines，butastheabbewasnotanywiserthanshewasM。Baffotranslateditinawhisper。Surprisedatmyknowledge，sherosefromherchairtogetavaluablegoldwatchandpresentedtomymaster，who，notknowinghowtoexpresshisdeepgratitude，treatedustothemostcomicscene。Mymother，inordertosavehimfromthedifficultyofpayingheracompliment，offeredhimhercheek。Hehadonlytogiveheracoupleofkisses，theeasiestandthemostinnocentthingingoodcompany；butthepoormanwasonburningcoals，andsocompletelyoutofcountenancethathewould，Itrulybelieve，ratherhavediedthangivethekisses。Hedrewbackwithhisheaddown，andhewasallowedtoremaininpeaceuntilweretiredforthenight。
Whenwefoundourselvesaloneinourroom，hepouredouthisheart，andexclaimedthatitwasapityhecouldnotpublishinPaduathedistichandmyanswer。
\"Andwhynot？\"Isaid。
\"Becausebothareobscene。\"
\"Buttheyaresublime。\"
\"Letusgotobedandspeaknomoreonthesubject。Youranswerwaswonderful，becauseyoucannotpossiblyknowanythingofthesubjectinquestion，orofthemannerinwhichversesoughttobewritten。\"
Asfarasthesubjectwasconcerned，Iknewitbytheory；for，unknowntothedoctor，andbecausehehadforbiddenit，IhadreadMeursius，butitwasnaturalthatheshouldbeamazedatmybeingabletowriteverses，whenhe，whohadtaughtmeprosody，nevercouldcomposeasingleline。’Nemodatquodnonhabet’isafalseaxiomwhenappliedtomentalacquirements。
Fourdaysafterwards，aswewerepreparingforourdeparture，mymothergavemeaparcelforBettina，andM。Grimanipresentedmewithfoursequinstobuybooks。AweeklatermymotherleftforSt。
Petersburg。
AfterourreturntoPadua，mygoodmasterforthreeorfourmonthsneverceasedtospeakofmymother，andBettina，havingfoundintheparcelfiveyardsofblacksilkandtwelvepairsofgloves，becamesingularlyattachedtome，andtooksuchgoodcareofmyhairthatinlessthansixmonthsIwasabletogiveupwearingthewig。Sheusedtocombmyhaireverymorning，oftenbeforeIwasoutofbed，sayingthatshehadnottimetowaituntilIwasdressed。Shewashedmyface，myneck，mychest；lavishedonmechildishcaresseswhichI
thoughtinnocent，butwhichcausedmeto，beangrywithmyself，becauseIfeltthattheyexcitedme。Threeyearsyoungerthanshewas，itseemedtomethatshecouldnotlovemewithanyideaofmischief，andtheconsciousnessofmyownviciousexcitementputmeoutoftemperwithmyself。When，seatedonmybed，shewouldsaythatIwasgettingstouter，andwouldhavetheproofofitwithherownhands，shecausedmethemostintenseemotion；butIsaidnothing，forfearshewouldremarkmysensitiveness，andwhenshewouldgoonsayingthatmyskinwassoft，theticklingsensationmademedrawback，angrywithmyselfthatIdidnotdaretodothesametoher，butdelightedathernotguessinghowIlongedtodoit。WhenI
wasdressed，sheoftengavemethesweetestkisses，callingmeherdarlingchild，butwhateverwishIhadtofollowherexample，Iwasnotyetboldenough。Aftersometime，however，Bettinalaughingatmytimidity，Ibecamemoredaringandreturnedherkisseswithinterest，butIalwaysgavewaythemomentIfeltawishtogofurther；Ithenwouldturnmyhead，pretendingtolookforsomething，andshewouldgoaway。ShewasscarcelyoutoftheroombeforeIwasindespairatnothavingfollowedtheinclinationofmynature，and，astonishedatthefactthatBettinacoulddotomeallshewasinthehabitofdoingwithoutfeelinganyexcitementfromit，whileIcouldhardlyrefrainfrompushingmyattacksfurther，Iwouldeverydaydeterminetochangemywayofacting。
Intheearlypartofautumn，thedoctorreceivedthreenewboarders；
andoneofthem，whowasfifteenyearsold，appearedtomeinlessthanamonthonveryfriendlytermswithBettina。
ThiscircumstancecausedmeafeelingofwhichuntilthenIhadnoidea，andwhichIonlyanalyzedafewyearsafterwards。Itwasneitherjealousynorindignation，butanoblecontemptwhichI
thoughtoughtnottoberepressed，becauseCordiani，anignorant，coarseboy，withouttalentorpoliteeducation，thesonofasimplefarmer，andincapableofcompetingwithmeinanything，havingovermebuttheadvantageofdawningmanhood，didnotappeartomeafitpersontobepreferredtome；myyoungself—esteemwhisperedthatI
wasabovehim。IbegantonurseafeelingofpridemixedwithcontemptwhichtoldagainstBettina，whomIlovedunknowntomyself。
ShesoonguesseditfromthewayIwouldreceivehercaresses，whenshecametocombmyhairwhileIwasinbed；Iwouldrepulseherhands，andnolongerreturnherkisses。Oneday，vexedatmyansweringherquestionastothereasonofmychangetowardsherbystatingthatIhadnocauseforit，she，toldmeinatoneofcommiserationthatIwasjealousofCordiani。Thisreproachsoundedtomelikeadebasingslander。IansweredthatCordianiwas，inmyestimation，asworthyofherasshewasworthyofhim。Shewentawaysmiling，but，revolvinginhermindtheonlywaybywhichshecouldberevenged，shethoughtherselfboundtorendermejealous。
However，asshecouldnotattainsuchanendwithoutmakingmefallinlovewithher，thisisthepolicysheadopted。
OnemorningshecametomeasIwasinbedandbroughtmeapairofwhitestockingsofherownknitting。Afterdressingmyhair，sheaskedmypermissiontotrythestockingsonherself，inordertocorrectanydeficiencyintheotherpairssheintendedtoknitforme。Thedoctorhadgoneouttosayhismass。Asshewasputtingonthestocking，sheremarkedthatmylegswerenotclean，andwithoutanymoreadosheimmediatelybegantowashthem。Iwouldhavebeenashamedtoletherseemybashfulness；Iletherdoassheliked，notforeseeingwhatwouldhappen。Bettina，seatedonmybed，carriedtoofarherloveforcleanliness，andhercuriositycausedmesuchintensevoluptuousnessthatthefeelingdidnotstopuntilitcouldbecarriednofurther。Havingrecoveredmycalm，IbethoughtmyselfthatIwasguiltyandbeggedherforgiveness。Shedidnotexpectthis，and，afterconsideringforafewmoments，shetoldmekindlythatthefaultwasentirelyherown，butthatsheneverwouldagainbeguiltyofit。Andshewentoutoftheroom，leavingmetomyownthoughts。
Theywereofacruelcharacter。ItseemedtomethatIhadbroughtdishonouruponBettina，thatIhadbetrayedtheconfidenceofherfamily，offendedagainstthesacredlawsofhospitality，thatIwasguiltyofamostwickedcrime，whichIcouldonlyatoneforbymarryingher，incaseBettinacouldmakeuphermindtoacceptforherhusbandawretchunworthyofher。
Thesethoughtsledtoadeepmelancholywhichwentonincreasingfromdaytoday，Bettinahavingentirelyceasedhermorningvisitsbymybedside。Duringthefirstweek，Icouldeasilyaccountforthegirl’sreserve，andmysadnesswouldsoonhavetakenthecharacterofthewarmestlove，hadnothermannertowardsCordianiinoculatedinmyveinsthepoisonofjealousy，althoughIneverdreamedofaccusingherofthesamecrimetowardshimthatshehadcommitteduponme。
Ifeltconvinced，afterdueconsideration，thattheactshehadbeenguiltyofwithmehadbeendeliberatelydone，andthatherfeelingsofrepentancekeptherawayfromme。Thisconvictionwasratherflatteringtomyvanity，asitgavemethehopeofbeingloved，andtheendofallmycommuningswasthatImadeupmymindtowritetoher，andthustogivehercourage。
Icomposedaletter，shortbutcalculatedtorestorepeacetohermind，whethershethoughtherselfguilty，orsuspectedmeoffeelingscontrarytothosewhichherdignitymightexpectfromme。Myletterwas，inmyownestimation，aperfectmasterpiece，andjustthekindofepistlebywhichIwascertaintoconquerherveryadoration，andtosinkforeverthesunofCordiani，whomIcouldnotacceptasthesortofbeinglikelytomakeherhesitateforoneinstantinherchoicebetweenhimandme。Half—an—hourafterthereceiptofmyletter，shetoldmeherselfthatthenextmorningshewouldpaymeherusualvisit，butIwaitedinvain。Thisconductprovokedmealmosttomadness，butmysurprisewasindeedgreatwhen，atthebreakfasttable，sheaskedmewhetherIwouldletherdressmeupasagirltoaccompanyherfiveorsixdayslatertoaballforwhichaneighbourofours，DoctorOlivo，hadsentlettersofinvitation。
Everybodyhavingsecondedthemotion，Igavemyconsent。Ithoughtthisarrangementwouldaffordafavourableopportunityforanexplanation，formutualvindication，andwouldopenadoorforthemostcompletereconciliation，withoutfearofanysurprisearisingfromtheproverbialweaknessoftheflesh。Butamostunexpectedcircumstancepreventedourattendingtheball，andbroughtforthacomedywithatrulytragicturn。