第6章
加入书架 A- A+
点击下载App,搜索"WHAT IS MAN",免费读到尾

  Burgesshasalwaysfoundrestintheseexcursions,andAdamsunrest。TheyaretryingChristianScience,now,withthecustomaryresult,theinevitableresult。NopoliticalorreligiousbeliefcanmakeBurgessunhappyortheothermanhappy。

  Iassureyouitispurelyamatteroftemperament。BeliefsareACQUIREMENTS,temperamentsareBORN;beliefsaresubjecttochange,nothingwhatevercanchangetemperament。

  Y。M。Youhaveinstancedextremetemperaments。

  O。M。Yes,thehalfdozenothersaremodificationsoftheextremes。Butthelawisthesame。Wherethetemperamentistwothirdshappy,ortwothirdsunhappy,nopoliticalorreligiousbeliefscanchangetheproportions。Thevastmajorityoftemperamentsareprettyequallybalanced;theintensitiesareabsent,andthisenablesanationtolearntoaccommodateitselftoitspoliticalandreligiouscircumstancesandlikethem,besatisfiedwiththem,atlastpreferthem。NationsdonotTHINK,theyonlyFEEL。Theygettheirfeelingsatsecondhandthroughtheirtemperaments,nottheirbrains。Anationcanbebrought

  byforceofcircumstances,notargumenttoreconcileitselftoANYKINDOFGOVERNMENTORRELIGIONTHATCANBEDEVISED;intimeitwillfititselftotherequiredconditions;later,itwillpreferthemandwillfiercelyfightforthem。Asinstances,youhaveallhistory:theGreeks,theRomans,thePersians,theEgyptians,theRussians,theGermans,theFrench,theEnglish,theSpaniards,theAmericans,theSouthAmericans,theJapanese,theChinese,theHindus,theTurksathousandwildandtamereligions,everykindofgovernmentthatcanbethoughtof,fromtigertohousecat,eachnationKNOWINGithastheonlytruereligionandtheonlysanesystemofgovernment,eachdespisingalltheothers,eachanassandnotsuspectingit,eachproudofitsfanciedsupremacy,eachperfectlysureitisthepetofGod,eachwithoutundoubtingconfidencesummoningHimtotakecommandintimeofwar,eachsurprisedwhenHegoesovertotheenemy,butbyhabitabletoexcuseitandresumecomplimentsinaword,thewholehumanracecontent,alwayscontent,persistentlycontent,indestructiblycontent,happy,thankful,proud,NO

  MATTERWHATITSRELIGIONIS,NORWHETHERITSMASTERBETIGEROR

  HOUSECAT。AmIstatingfacts?YouknowIam。Isthehumanracecheerful?Youknowitis。Consideringwhatitcanstand,andbehappy,youdometoomuchhonorwhenyouthinkthat_I_

  canplacebeforeitasystemofplaincoldfactsthatcantakethecheerfulnessoutofit。Nothingcandothat。Everythinghasbeentried。Withoutsuccess。Ibegyounottobetroubled。

  THEDEATHOFJEAN

  ThedeathofJeanClemensoccurredearlyinthemorningofDecember24,1909。Mr。ClemenswasingreatstressofmindwhenIfirstsawhim,butafewhourslaterIfoundhimwritingsteadily。

  \"Iamsettingitdown,\"hesaid,\"everything。Itisarelieftometowriteit。Itfurnishesmeanexcuseforthinking。\"AtintervalsduringthatdayandthenextIlookedin,andusuallyfoundhimwriting。Thenontheeveningofthe26th,whenheknewthatJeanhadbeenlaidtorestinElmira,hecametomyroomwiththemanuscriptinhishand。

  \"Ihavefinishedit,\"hesaid;\"readit。Icanformnoopinionofitmyself。Ifyouthinkitworthy,somedayatthepropertimeitcanendmyautobiography。Itisthefinalchapter。\"

  Fourmonthslateralmosttotheday(April21st)hewaswithJean。

  AlbertBigelowPaine。

  Stormfield,ChristmasEve,11A。M。,1909。

  JEANISDEAD!

  Hasanyoneevertriedtoputuponpaperallthelittlehappeningsconnectedwithadearonehappeningsofthetwenty

  fourhoursprecedingthesuddenandunexpecteddeathofthatdearone?Wouldabookcontainthem?Wouldtwobookscontainthem?

  Ithinknot。Theypourintothemindinaflood。Theyarelittlethingsthathavebeenalwayshappeningeveryday,andwerealwayssounimportantandeasilyforgettablebeforebutnow!

  Now,howdifferent!howprecioustheyare,nowdear,howunforgettable,howpathetic,howsacred,howclothedwithdignity!

  LastnightJean,allflushedwithsplendidhealth,andIthesame,fromthewholesomeeffectsofmyBermudaholiday,strolledhandinhandfromthedinnertableandsatdowninthelibraryandchatted,andplanned,anddiscussed,cheerilyandhappily(andhowunsuspectingly!)untilninewhichislateforusthenwentupstairs,Jean’sfriendlyGermandogfollowing。AtmydoorJeansaid,\"Ican’tkissyougoodnight,father:Ihaveacold,andyoucouldcatchit。\"Ibentandkissedherhand。ShewasmovedIsawitinhereyesandsheimpulsivelykissedmyhandinreturn。Thenwiththeusualgay\"Sleepwell,dear!\"fromboth,weparted。

  AthalfpastseventhismorningIwoke,andheardvoicesoutsidemydoor。Isaidtomyself,\"Jeanisstartingonherusualhorsebackflighttothestationforthemail。\"ThenKaty[1]entered,stoodquakingandgaspingatmybedsideamoment,thenfoundhertongue:

  \"MISSJEANISDEAD!\"

  PossiblyIknownowwhatthesoldierfeelswhenabulletcrashesthroughhisheart。

  Inherbathroomthereshelay,thefairyoungcreature,stretcheduponthefloorandcoveredwithasheet。Andlookingsoplacid,sonatural,andasifasleep。Weknewwhathadhappened。Shewasanepileptic:shehadbeenseizedwithaconvulsionandheartfailureinherbath。Thedoctorhadtocomeseveralmiles。Hisefforts,likeourpreviousones,failedtobringherbacktolife。

  Itisnoon,now。Howlovableshelooks,howsweetandhowtranquil!Itisanobleface,andfullofdignity;andthatwasagoodheartthatliestheresostill。

  InEngland,thirteenyearsago,mywifeandIwerestabbedtotheheartwithacablegramwhichsaid,\"Susywasmercifullyreleasedtoday。\"IhadtosendalikeshottoClara,inBerlin,thismorning。Withtheperemptoryaddition,\"Youmustnotcomehome。\"Claraandherhusbandsailedfromhereonthe11thofthismonth。HowwillClarabearit?Jean,fromherbabyhood,wasaworshiperofClara。

  FourdaysagoIcamebackfromamonth’sholidayinBermudainperfectedhealth;butbysomeaccidentthereportersfailedtoperceivethis。Daybeforeyesterday,lettersandtelegramsbegantoarrivefromfriendsandstrangerswhichindicatedthatIwassupposedtobedangerouslyill。YesterdayJeanbeggedmetoexplainmycasethroughtheAssociatedPress。Isaiditwasnotimportantenough;butshewasdistressedandsaidImustthinkofClara。ClarawouldseethereportintheGermanpapers,andasshehadbeennursingherhusbanddayandnightforfourmonths[2]andwaswornoutandfeeble,theshockmightbedisastrous。

  Therewasreasoninthat;soIsentahumorousparagraphbytelephonetotheAssociatedPressdenyingthe\"charge\"thatIwas\"dying,\"andsaying\"Iwouldnotdosuchathingatmytimeoflife。\"

  Jeanwasalittletroubled,anddidnotliketoseemetreatthemattersolightly;butIsaiditwasbesttotreatitso,fortherewasnothingseriousaboutit。ThismorningIsentthesorrowfulfactsofthisday’sirremediabledisastertotheAssociatedPress。Willbothappearinthisevening’spapers?

  theonesoblithe,theothersotragic?

  IlostSusythirteenyearsago;Ilosthermotherherincomparablemother!fiveandahalfyearsago;ClarahasgoneawaytoliveinEurope;andnowIhavelostJean。HowpoorIam,whowasoncesorich!SevenmonthsagoMr。RogerdiedoneofthebestfriendsIeverhad,andthenearestperfect,asmanandgentleman,Ihaveyetmetamongmyrace;withinthelastsixweeksGilderhaspassedaway,andLaffanold,oldfriendsofmine。Jeanliesyonder,Isithere;wearestrangersunderourownroof;wekissedhandsgoodbyatthisdoorlastnightanditwasforever,weneversuspectingit。Sheliesthere,andIsitherewriting,busyingmyself,tokeepmyheartfrombreaking。

  Howdazzlinglythesunshineisfloodingthehillsaround!Itislikeamockery。

  Seventyfouryearsagotwentyfourdaysago。Seventyfouryearsoldyesterday。Whocanestimatemyagetoday?

  Ihavelookeduponheragain。IwonderIcanbearit。ShelooksjustashermotherlookedwhenshelaydeadinthatFlorentinevillasolongago。Thesweetplacidityofdeath!itismorebeautifulthansleep。

  Isawhermotherburied。IsaidIwouldneverendurethathorroragain;thatIwouldneveragainlookintothegraveofanyonedeartome。Ihavekepttothat。TheywilltakeJeanfromthishousetomorrow,andbearhertoElmira,NewYork,whereliethoseofusthathavebeenreleased,butIshallnotfollow。

  Jeanwasonthedockwhentheshipcamein,onlyfourdaysago。Shewasatthedoor,beamingawelcome,whenIreachedthishousethenextevening。Weplayedcards,andshetriedtoteachmeanewgamecalled\"MarkTwain。\"Wesatchattingcheerilyinthelibrarylastnight,andshewouldn’tletmelookintotheloggia,whereshewasmakingChristmaspreparations。Shesaidshewouldfinishtheminthemorning,andthenherlittleFrenchfriendwouldarrivefromNewYorkthesurprisewouldfollow;thesurpriseshehadbeenworkingoverfordays。WhileshewasoutforamomentIdisloyallystolealook。Theloggiafloorwasclothedwithrugsandfurnishedwithchairsandsofas;andtheuncompletedsurprisewasthere:intheformofaChristmastreethatwasdrenchedwithsilverfilminamostwonderfulway;andonatablewasprodigalprofusionofbrightthingswhichshewasgoingtohanguponittoday。Whatdesecratinghandwilleverbanishthateloquentunfinishedsurprisefromthatplace?Notmine,surely。Alltheselittlemattershavehappenedinthelastfourdays。\"Little。\"YesTHEN。Butnotnow。Nothingshesaidorthoughtordidislittlenow。Andallthelavishhumor!whatisbecomeofit?Itispathos,now。Pathos,andthethoughtofitbringstears。

  Alltheselittlethingshappenedsuchafewhoursagoandnowsheliesyonder。Liesyonder,andcaresfornothinganymore。Strangemarvelousincredible!Ihavehadthisexperiencebefore;butitwouldstillbeincredibleifIhadhaditathousandtimes。

  \"MISSJEANISDEAD!\"

  ThatiswhatKatysaid。WhenIheardthedooropenbehindthebed’sheadwithoutapreliminaryknock,IsupposeditwasJeancomingtokissmegoodmorning,shebeingtheonlypersonwhowasusedtoenteringwithoutformalities。

  Andso

  IhavebeentoJean’sparlor。SuchaturmoilofChristmaspresentsforservantsandfriends!Theyareeverywhere;tables,chairs,sofas,theflooreverythingisoccupied,andover

  occupied。ItismanyandmanyayearsinceIhaveseenthelike。

  InthatancientdayMrs。ClemensandIusedtoslipsoftlyintothenurseryatmidnightonChristmasEveandlookthearrayofpresentsover。Thechildrenwerelittlethen。AndnowhereisJean’sparlorlookingjustasthatnurseryusedtolook。Thepresentsarenotlabeledthehandsareforeveridlethatwouldhavelabeledthemtoday。Jean’smotheralwaysworkedherselfdownwithherChristmaspreparations。Jeandidthesameyesterdayandtheprecedingdays,andthefatiguehascostherherlife。Thefatiguecausedtheconvulsionthatattackedherthismorning。Shehadhadnoattackformonths。

  Jeanwassofulloflifeandenergythatshewasconstantlyisdangerofovertaxingherstrength。Everymorningshewasinthesaddlebyhalfpastseven,andofftothestationforhermail。SheexaminedthelettersandIdistributedthem:sometoher,sometoMr。Paine,theotherstothestenographerandmyself。Shedispatchedhershareandthenmountedherhorseagainandwentaroundsuperintendingherfarmandherpoultrytherestoftheday。Sometimessheplayedbilliardswithmeafterdinner,butshewasusuallytootiredtoplay,andwentearlytobed。

  YesterdayafternoonItoldheraboutsomeplansIhadbeendevisingwhileabsentinBermuda,tolightenherburdens。Wewouldgetahousekeeper;alsowewouldputhershareofthesecretaryworkintoMr。Paine’shands。

  Noshewasn’twilling。Shehadbeenmakingplansherself。

  Thematterendedinacompromise,Isubmitted。Ialwaysdid。

  Shewouldn’tauditthebillsandletPainefilloutthechecks

  shewouldcontinuetoattendtothatherself。Also,shewouldcontinuetobehousekeeper,andletKatyassist。Also,shewouldcontinuetoanswerthelettersofpersonalfriendsforme。Suchwasthecompromise。Bothofuscalleditbythatname,thoughI

  wasnotabletoseewheremyformidablechangehadbeenmade。

  However,Jeanwaspleased,andthatwassufficientforme。

  Shewasproudofbeingmysecretary,andIwasneverabletopersuadehertogiveupanypartofhershareinthatunlovelywork。

  InthetalklastnightIsaidIfoundeverythinggoingsosmoothlythatifshewerewillingIwouldgobacktoBermudainFebruaryandgetblessedlyoutoftheclashandturmoilagainforanothermonth。ShewasurgentthatIshoulddoit,andsaidthatifIwouldputoffthetripuntilMarchshewouldtakeKatyandgowithme。Westruckhandsuponthat,andsaiditwassettled。

  IhadamindtowritetoBermudabytomorrow’sshipandsecureafurnishedhouseandservants。Imeanttowritetheletterthismorning。Butitwillneverbewritten,now。

  Forsheliesyonder,andbeforeherisanotherjourneythanthat。

  Nightisclosingdown;therimofthesunbarelyshowsabovetheskylineofthehills。

  Ihavebeenlookingatthatfaceagainthatwasgrowingdeareranddearertomeeveryday。IwasgettingacquaintedwithJeanintheselastninemonths。Shehadbeenlonganexilefromhomewhenshecametousthreequartersofayearago。Shehadbeenshutupinsanitariums,manymilesfromus。Howeloquentgladandgratefulshewastocrossherfather’sthresholdagain!

  WouldIbringherbacktolifeifIcoulddoit?Iwouldnot。

  Ifawordwoulddoit,Iwouldbegforstrengthtowithholdtheword。AndIwouldhavethestrength;Iamsureofit。InherlossIamalmostbankrupt,andmylifeisabitterness,butI

  amcontent:forshehasbeenenrichedwiththemostpreciousofallgiftsthatgiftwhichmakesallothergiftsmeanandpoor

  death。IhaveneverwantedanyreleasedfriendofminerestoredtolifesinceIreachedmanhood。IfeltinthiswaywhenSusypassedaway;andlatermywife,andlaterMr。Rogers。WhenClarametmeatthestationinNewYorkandtoldmeMr。Rogershaddiedsuddenlythatmorning,mythoughtwas,Oh,favoriteoffortune

  fortunateallhislongandlovelylifefortunatetohislatestmoment!Thereporterssaidthereweretearsofsorrowinmyeyes。TruebuttheywereforME,notforhim。Hehadsufferednoloss。Allthefortuneshehadevermadebeforewerepovertycomparedwiththisone。

  WhydidIbuildthishouse,twoyearsago?Toshelterthisvastemptiness?HowfoolishIwas!ButIshallstayinit。Thespiritsofthedeadhallowahouse,forme。Itwasnotsowithothermembersofthefamily。SusydiedinthehousewebuiltinHartford。Mrs。Clemenswouldneverenteritagain。Butitmadethehousedearertome。Ihaveentereditoncesince,whenitwastenantlessandsilentandforlorn,buttomeitwasaholyplaceandbeautiful。Itseemedtomethatthespiritsofthedeadwereallaboutme,andwouldspeaktomeandwelcomemeiftheycould:Livy,andSusy,andGeorge,andHenryRobinson,andCharlesDudleyWarner。Howgoodandkindtheywere,andhowlovabletheirlives!InfancyIcouldseethemallagain,I

  couldcallthechildrenbackandhearthemrompagainwithGeorgethatpeerlessblackexslaveandchildren’sidolwhocameonedayaflittingstrangertowashwindows,andstayedeighteenyears。Untilhedied。ClaraandJeanwouldneverenteragaintheNewYorkhotelwhichtheirmotherhadfrequentedinearlierdays。Theycouldnotbearit。ButIshallstayinthishouse。Itisdearertometonightthaneveritwasbefore。

  Jean’sspiritwillmakeitbeautifulformealways。HerlonelyandtragicdeathbutIwillnotthinkofthatnow。

  Jean’smotheralwaysdevotedtwoorthreeweekstoChristmasshopping,andwasalwaysphysicallyexhaustedwhenChristmasEvecame。Jeanwasherveryownchildsheworeherselfoutpresent

  huntinginNewYorktheselatterdays。Painehasjustfoundonherdeskalonglistofnamesfifty,hethinkspeopletowhomshesentpresentslastnight。Apparentlysheforgotnoone。AndKatyfoundtherearollofbanknotes,fortheservants。

  Herdoghasbeenwanderingaboutthegroundstoday,comradelessandforlorn。Ihaveseenhimfromthewindows。ShegothimfromGermany。Hehastallearsandlooksexactlylikeawolf。HewaseducatedinGermany,andknowsnolanguagebuttheGerman。Jeangavehimnoorderssaveinthattongue。Andsowhentheburglaralarmmadeafierceclamoratmidnightafortnightago,thebutler,whoisFrenchandknowsnoGerman,triedinvaintointerestthedoginthesupposedburglar。Jeanwroteme,toBermuda,abouttheincident。ItwasthelastletterIwasevertoreceivefromherbrightheadandhercompetenthand。

  Thedogwillnotbeneglected。

  TherewasneverakinderheartthanJean’s。Fromherchildhoodupshealwaysspentthemostofherallowanceoncharitiesofonekindoranother。Aftershebecamesecretaryandhadherincomedoubledshespenthermoneyuponthesethingswithafreehand。Minetoo,Iamgladandgratefultosay。

  Shewasaloyalfriendtoallanimals,andshelovedthemall,birds,beasts,andeverythingevensnakesaninheritancefromme。Sheknewallthebirds;shewashighupinthatlore。

  Shebecameamemberofvarioushumanesocietieswhenshewasstillalittlegirlbothhereandabroadandsheremainedanactivemembertothelast。Shefoundedtwoorthreesocietiesfortheprotectionofanimals,hereandinEurope。

  Shewasanembarrassingsecretary,forshefishedmycorrespondenceoutofthewastebasketandansweredtheletters。

  Shethoughtalllettersdeservedthecourtesyofananswer。

  Hermotherbroughtherupinthatkindlyerror。

  Shecouldwriteagoodletter,andwasswiftwithherpen。

  Shehadbutanindifferentearmusic,buthertonguetooktolanguageswithaneasyfacility。SheneverallowedherItalian,French,andGermantogetrustythroughneglect。

  Thetelegramsofsympathyareflowingin,fromfarandwide,now,justastheydidinItalyfiveyearsandahalfago,whenthischild’smotherlaiddownherblamelesslife。Theycannothealthehurt,buttheytakeawaysomeofthepain。WhenJeanandIkissedhandsandpartedatmydoorlast,howlittledidweimaginethatintwentytwohoursthetelegraphwouldbebringingwordslikethese:

  \"Fromthebottomofourheartswesendoutsympathy,dearestoffriends。\"

  Formanyandmanyadaytocome,whereverIgointhishouse,remembrancersofJeanwillmutelyspeaktomeofher。Whocancountthenumberofthem?

  Shewasinexiletwoyearswiththehopeofhealinghermaladyepilepsy。TherearenowordstoexpresshowgratefulI

  amthatshedidnotmeetherfateinthehandsofstrangers,butinthelovingshelterofherownhome。

  \"MISSJEANISDEAD!\"

  Itistrue。Jeanisdead。

  AmonthagoIwaswritingbubblingandhilariousarticlesformagazinesyettoappear,andnowIamwritingthis。

  CHRISTMASDAY。NOON。LastnightIwenttoJean’sroomatintervals,andturnedbackthesheetandlookedatthepeacefulface,andkissedthecoldbrow,andrememberedthatheartbreakingnightinFlorencesolongago,inthatcavernousandsilentvastvilla,whenIcreptdownstairssomanytimes,andturnedbackasheetandlookedatafacejustlikethisoneJean’smother’sfaceandkissedabrowthatwasjustlikethisone。AndlastnightIsawagainwhatIhadseenthenthatstrangeandlovelymiraclethesweet,softcontoursofearlymaidenhoodrestoredbythegracioushandofdeath!WhenJean’smotherlaydead,alltraceofcare,andtrouble,andsuffering,andthecorrodingyearshadvanishedoutoftheface,andIwaslookingagainuponitasIhadknownandworshippeditinitsyoungbloomandbeautyawholegenerationbefore。

  Aboutthreeinthemorning,whilewanderingaboutthehouseinthedeepsilences,asonediesintimeslikethese,whenthereisadumbsensethatsomethinghasbeenlostthatwillneverbefoundagain,yetmustbesought,ifonlyfortheemploymenttheuselessseekinggives,IcameuponJean’sdoginthehalldownstairs,andnotedthathedidnotspringtogreetme,accordingtohishospitablehabit,butcameslowandsorrowfully;

  alsoIrememberedthathehadnotvisitedJean’sapartmentsincethetragedy。Poorfellow,didheknow?Ithinkso。AlwayswhenJeanwasabroadintheopenhewaswithher;alwayswhenshewasinthehousehewaswithher,inthenightaswellasintheday。

  Herparlorwashisbedroom。WheneverIhappeneduponhimonthegroundfloorhealwaysfollowedmeabout,andwhenIwentupstairshewenttooinatumultuousgallop。Butnowitwasdifferent:afterpattinghimalittleIwenttothelibraryheremainedbehind;whenIwentupstairshedidnotfollowme,savewithhiswistfuleyes。Hehaswonderfuleyesbig,andkind,andeloquent。Hecantalkwiththem。Heisabeautifulcreature,andisofthebreedoftheNewYorkpolicedogs。Idonotlikedogs,becausetheybarkwhenthereisnooccasionforit;butI

  havelikedthisonefromthebeginning,becausehebelongedtoJean,andbecauseheneverbarksexceptwhenthereisoccasion

  whichisnotoftenerthantwiceaweek。

  InmywanderingsIvisitedJean’sparlor。OnashelfI

  foundapileofmybooks,andIknewwhatitmeant。ShewaswaitingformetocomehomefromBermudaandautographthem,thenshewouldsendthemaway。IfIonlyknewwhomsheintendedthemfor!ButIshallneverknow。Iwillkeepthem。Herhandhastouchedthemitisanaccoladetheyarenoble,now。

  AndinaclosetshehadhiddenasurpriseformeathingI

  haveoftenwishedIowned:anoblebigglobe。Icouldn’tseeitforthetears。ShewillneverknowtheprideItakeinit,andthepleasure。Todaythemailsarefulloflovingremembrancesforher:fullofthoseold,oldkindwordsshelovedsowell,\"MerryChristmastoJean!\"Ifshecouldonlyhavelivedonedaylonger!

  Atlastsheranoutofmoney,andwouldnotusemine。SoshesenttooneofthoseNewYorkhomesforpoorgirlsalltheclothesshecouldspareandmore,mostlikely。

  CHRISTMASNIGHT。Thisafternoontheytookherawayfromherroom。AssoonasImight,Iwentdowntothelibrary,andthereshelay,inhercoffin,dressedinexactlythesameclothessheworewhenshestoodattheotherendofthesameroomonthe6thofOctoberlast,asClara’schiefbridesmaid。Herfacewasradiantwithhappyexcitementthen;itwasthesamefacenow,withthedignityofdeathandthepeaceofGoduponit。

  Theytoldmethefirstmournertocomewasthedog。Hecameuninvited,andstooduponhishindlegsandrestedhisforepawsuponthetrestle,andtookalastlonglookatthefacethatwassodeartohim,thenwenthiswayassilentlyashehadcome。

  HEKNOWS。

  Atmidafternoonitbegantosnow。ThepityofitthatJeancouldnotseeit!Shesolovedthesnow。

  Thesnowcontinuedtofall。Atsixo’clockthehearsedrewuptothedoortobearawayitspatheticburden。Astheyliftedthecasket,PainebeganplayingontheorchestrelleSchubert’s\"Impromptu,\"whichwasJean’sfavorite。ThenheplayedtheIntermezzo;thatwasforSusy;thenheplayedtheLargo;thatwasfortheirmother。Hedidthisatmyrequest。ElsewhereinmyAutobiographyIhavetoldhowtheIntermezzoandtheLargocametobeassociatedinmyheartwithSusyandLivyintheirlasthoursinthislife。

  FrommywindowsIsawthehearseandthecarriageswindalongtheroadandgraduallygrowvagueandspectralinthefallingsnow,andpresentlydisappear。Jeanwasgoneoutofmylife,andwouldnotcomebackanymore。Jervis,thecousinshehadplayedwithwhentheywerebabiestogetherheandherbelovedoldKatywereconductinghertoherdistantchildhoodhome,whereshewillliebyhermother’ssideoncemore,inthecompanyofSusyandLangdon。

  DECEMBER26TH。Thedogcametoseemeateighto’clockthismorning。Hewasveryaffectionate,poororphan!Myroomwillbehisquartershereafter。

  Thestormragedallnight。Ithasragedallthemorning。

  Thesnowdrivesacrossthelandscapeinvastclouds,superb,sublimeandJeannotheretosee。

  2:30P。M。Itisthetimeappointed。Thefuneralhasbegun。

  Fourhundredmilesaway,butIcanseeitall,justasifIwerethere。ThesceneisthelibraryintheLangdonhomestead。

  Jean’scoffinstandswherehermotherandIstood,fortyyearsago,andweremarried;andwhereSusy’scoffinstoodthirteenyearsago;wherehermother’sstoodfiveyearsandahalfago;

  andwhereminewillstandafteralittletime。

  FIVEO’CLOCK。Itisallover。

  WhenClarawentawaytwoweeksagotoliveinEurope,itwashard,butIcouldbearit,forIhadJeanleft。IsaidWEwouldbeafamily。Wesaidwewouldbeclosecomradesandhappyjustwetwo。ThatfairdreamwasinmymindwhenJeanmetmeatthesteamerlastMonday;itwasinmymindwhenshereceivedmeatthedoorlastTuesdayevening。Weweretogether;WEWEREA

  FAMILY!thedreamhadcometrueoh,preciselytrue,contentedly,true,satisfyinglytrue!andremainedtruetwowholedays。

  Andnow?NowJeanisinhergrave!

  InthegraveifIcanbelieveit。Godresthersweetspirit!

  1。KatyLeary,whohadbeenintheserviceoftheClemensfamilyfortwentynineyears。

  2。Mr。Gabrilowitschhadbeenoperatedonforappendicitis。

  THETURNINGPOINTOFMYLIFE

  I

  IfIunderstandtheidea,theBAZARinvitesseveralofustowriteupontheabovetext。Itmeansthechangeinmylife’scoursewhichintroducedwhatmustberegardedbymeasthemostIMPORTANTconditionofmycareer。Butitalsoimplieswithoutintention,perhapsthatthatturningpointITSELFwasthecreatorofthenewcondition。Thisgivesittoomuchdistinction,toomuchprominence,toomuchcredit。ItisonlytheLASTlinkinaverylongchainofturningpointscommissionedtoproducethecardinalresult;itisnotanymoreimportantthanthehumblestofitstenthousandpredecessors。Eachofthetenthousanddiditsappointedshare,onitsappointeddate,inforwardingthescheme,andtheywereallnecessary;tohaveleftoutanyoneofthemwouldhavedefeatedtheschemeandbroughtaboutSOMEOTHERresult。Itknowwehaveafashionofsaying\"suchandsuchaneventwastheturningpointinmylife,\"butweshouldn’tsayit。WeshouldmerelygrantthatitsplaceasLAST

  linkinthechainmakesitthemostCONSPICUOUSlink;inrealimportanceithasnoadvantageoveranyoneofitspredecessors。

  PerhapsthemostcelebratedturningpointrecordedinhistorywasthecrossingoftheRubicon。Suetoniussays:

  ComingupwithhistroopsonthebanksoftheRubicon,hehaltedforawhile,and,revolvinginhismindtheimportanceofthestephewasonthepointoftaking,heturnedtothoseabouthimandsaid,\"Wemaystillretreat;butifwepassthislittlebridge,nothingisleftforusbuttofightitoutinarms。\"

  Thiswasastupendouslyimportantmoment。Andalltheincidents,bigandlittle,ofCaesar’spreviouslifehadbeenleadinguptoit,stagebystage,linkbylink。ThiswastheLASTlinkmerelythelastone,andnobiggerthantheothers;

  butaswegazebackatitthroughtheinflatingmistsofourimagination,itlooksasbigastheorbitofNeptune。

  You,thereader,haveaPERSONALinterestinthatlink,andsohaveI;sohastherestofthehumanrace。Itwasoneofthelinksinyourlifechain,anditwasoneofthelinksinmine。

  Wemaywait,now,withbaitedbreath,whileCaesarreflects。

  Yourfateandmineareinvolvedinhisdecision。

  Whilehewasthushesitating,thefollowingincidentoccurred。Apersonremarkedforhisnoblemienandgracefulaspectappearedcloseathand,sittingandplayinguponapipe。

  Whennotonlytheshepherds,butanumberofsoldiersalso,flockedtolistentohim,andsometrumpetersamongthem,hesnatchedatrumpetfromoneofthem,rantotheriverwithit,and,soundingtheadvancewithapiercingblast,crossedtotheotherside。Uponthis,Caesarexclaimed:\"Letusgowhithertheomensofthegodsandtheiniquityofourenemiescallup。

  THEDIEISCAST。\"

  Sohecrossedandchangedthefutureofthewholehumanrace,foralltime。ButthatstrangerwasalinkinCaesar’slifechain,too;andanecessaryone。Wedon’tknowhisname,weneverhearofhimagain;hewasverycasual;heactslikeanaccident;buthewasnoaccident,hewastherebycompulsionofHISlifechain,toblowtheelectrifyingblastthatwastomakeupCaesar’smindforhim,andthencegopipingdowntheaislesofhistoryforever。

  Ifthestrangerhadn’tbeenthere!ButheWAS。AndCaesarcrossed。Withsuchresults!SuchvasteventseachalinkintheHUMANRACE’Slifechain;eacheventproducingthenextone,andthatonethenextone,andsoon:thedestructionoftherepublic;thefoundingoftheempire;thebreakingupoftheempire;theriseofChristianityuponitsruins;thespreadofthereligiontootherlandsandsoon;linkbylinktookitsappointedplaceatitsappointedtime,thediscoveryofAmericabeingoneofthem;ourRevolutionanother;theinflowofEnglishandotherimmigrantsanother;theirdriftwestward(myancestorsamongthem)another;thesettlementofcertainoftheminMissouri,whichresultedinME。ForIwasoneoftheunavoidableresultsofthecrossingoftheRubicon。Ifthestranger,withhistrumpetblast,hadstayedaway(whichheCOULDN’T,forhewastheappointedlink)Caesarwouldnothavecrossed。Whatwouldhavehappened,inthatcase,wecanneverguess。Weonlyknowthatthethingsthatdidhappenwouldnothavehappened。Theymighthavebeenreplacedbyequallyprodigiousthings,ofcourse,buttheirnatureandresultsarebeyondourguessing。ButthematterthatinterestsmepersonallyisthatIwouldnotbeHERE

  now,butsomewhereelse;andprobablyblackthereisnotelling。

  Verywell,Iamgladhecrossed。Andveryreallyandthankfullyglad,too,thoughInevercaredanythingaboutitbefore。

  II

  Tome,themostimportantfeatureofmylifeisitsliteraryfeature。Ihavebeenprofessionallyliterarysomethingmorethanfortyyears。Therehavebeenmanyturningpointsinmylife,buttheonethatwasthelinkinthechainappointedtoconductmetotheliteraryguildisthemostCONSPICUOUSlinkinthatchain。

  BECAUSEitwasthelastone。Itwasnotanymoreimportantthanitspredecessors。Alltheotherlinkshaveaninconspicuouslook,exceptthecrossingoftheRubicon;butasfactorsinmakingmeliterarytheyarealloftheonesize,thecrossingoftheRubiconincluded。

  IknowhowIcametobeliterary,andIwilltellthestepsthatleaduptoitandbroughtitabout。

  ThecrossingoftheRubiconwasnotthefirstone,itwashardlyevenarecentone;IshouldhavetogobackagesbeforeCaesar’sdaytofindthefirstone。TosavespaceIwillgobackonlyacoupleofgenerationsandstartwithanincidentofmyboyhood。WhenIwastwelveandahalfyearsold,myfatherdied。

  Itwasinthespring。Thesummercame,andbroughtwithitanepidemicofmeasles。Foratimeachilddiedalmosteveryday。

  Thevillagewasparalyzedwithfright,distress,despair。

  Childrenthatwerenotsmittenwiththediseasewereimprisonedintheirhomestosavethemfromtheinfection。Inthehomestherewerenocheerfulfaces,therewasnomusic,therewasnosingingbutofsolemnhymns,novoicebutofprayer,norompingwasallowed,nonoise,nolaughter,thefamilymovedspectrallyaboutontiptoe,inaghostlyhush。Iwasaprisoner。Mysoulwassteepedinthisawfuldrearinessandinfear。Atsometimeorothereverydayandeverynightasuddenshivershookmetothemarrow,andIsaidtomyself,\"There,I’vegotit!andI

  shalldie。\"Lifeonthesemiserabletermswasnotworthliving,andatlastImadeupmymindtogetthediseaseandhaveitover,onewayortheother。Iescapedfromthehouseandwenttothehouseofaneighborwhereaplaymateofminewasveryillwiththemalady。WhenthechanceofferedIcreptintohisroomandgotintobedwithhim。Iwasdiscoveredbyhismotherandsentbackintocaptivity。ButIhadthedisease;theycouldnottakethatfromme。Icameneartodying。Thewholevillagewasinterested,andanxious,andsentfornewsofmeeveryday;andnotonlyonceaday,butseveraltimes。EverybodybelievedI

  woulddie;butonthefourteenthdayachangecamefortheworseandtheyweredisappointed。

  Thiswasaturningpointofmylife。(Linknumberone。)

  ForwhenIgotwellmymotherclosedmyschoolcareerandapprenticedmetoaprinter。Shewastiredoftryingtokeepmeoutofmischief,andtheadventureofthemeaslesdecidedhertoputmeintomoremasterfulhandsthanhers。

  Ibecameaprinter,andbegantoaddonelinkafteranothertothechainwhichwastoleadmeintotheliteraryprofession。

  Alongroad,butIcouldnotknowthat;andasIdidnotknowwhatitsgoalwas,oreventhatithadone,Iwasindifferent。

  Alsocontented。

  Ayoungprinterwandersaroundagooddeal,seekingandfindingwork;andseekingagain,whennecessitycommands。N。B。

  NecessityisaCIRCUMSTANCE;Circumstanceisman’smasterandwhenCircumstancecommands,hemustobey;hemayarguethematterthatishisprivilege,justasitisthehonorableprivilegeofafallingbodytoarguewiththeattractionofgravitationbutitwon’tdoanygood,hemustOBEY。Iwanderedfortenyears,undertheguidanceanddictatorshipofCircumstance,andfinallyarrivedinacityofIowa,whereI

  workedseveralmonths。AmongthebooksthatinterestedmeinthosedayswasoneabouttheAmazon。ThetravelertoldanalluringtaleofhislongvoyageupthegreatriverfromParatothesourcesoftheMadeira,throughtheheartofanenchantedland,alandwastefullyrichintropicalwonders,aromanticlandwhereallthebirdsandflowersandanimalswereofthemuseumvarieties,andwherethealligatorandthecrocodileandthemonkeyseemedasmuchathomeasiftheywereintheZoo。Also,hetoldanastonishingtaleaboutCOCA,avegetableproductofmiraculouspowers,assertingthatitwassonourishingandsostrengthgivingthatthenativeofthemountainsoftheMadeiraregionwouldtrampuphillanddownalldayonapinchofpowderedcocaandrequirenoothersustenance。

点击下载App,搜索"WHAT IS MAN",免费读到尾