XII
WhenNoelfled，Forthadstartedforwardtostopher;then，realisingthatwithhislamenesshecouldnevercatchher，hewentbackandenteredLeila’sbedroom。
Shehadtakenoffherdress，andwasstandinginfrontofherglass，withthecigarettestillinhermouth;andtheonlymovementwasthecurlingofitsbluesmoke。Hecouldseeherfacereflected，pale，withalittlespotofredineachcheek，andburningredears。Shehadnotseemedtohearhimcomingin，buthesawhereyeschangewhentheycaughthisreflectioninthemirror。Fromlostandblank，theybecamealiveandsmouldering。
\"Noel’sgone！\"hesaid。
Sheanswered，asiftohisreflectionintheglass\"Andyouhaven’tgonetoo？Ah，no！Ofcourse——yourleg！Shefled，Isuppose？Itwasratherajar，mycomingin，I’mafraid。\"
\"No;itwasmycominginthatwasthejar。\"
Leilaturnedround。\"Jimmy！Iwonderyoucoulddiscussme。Therest——\"Sheshruggedhershoulders——\"Butthat！\"
\"Iwasnotdiscussingyou。Imerelysaidyouwerenottobeenviedforhavingme。Areyou？\"
Themomenthehadspoken，hewassorry。Theangerinhereyeschangedinstantly，firsttosearching，thentomisery。Shecriedout:
\"Iwastobeenvied。Oh！Jimmy;Iwas！\"andflungherselffacedownonthebed。
ThroughFort’smindwentthethought:’Atrocious！’Howcouldhesoothe——makeherfeelthathelovedher，whenhedidn’t——thathewantedher，whenhewantedNoel。Hewentuptothebedsideandtouchedhertimidly:
\"Leila，whatisit？You’reovertired。What’sthematter？I
couldn’thelpthechild’sbeinghere。Whydoyouletitupsetyou？
She’sgone。It’sallright。Thingsarejustastheywere。\"
\"Yes！\"camethestrangledecho;\"just！\"
Hekneltdownandstrokedherarm。Itshiveredunderthetouch，seemedtostopshiveringandwaitforthenexttouch，asifhopingitmightbewarmer;shiveredagain。
\"Lookatme！\"hesaid。\"Whatisityouwant？I’mreadytodoanything。\"
Sheturnedanddrewherselfuponthebed，screwingherselfbackagainstthepillowasifforsupport，withherkneesdrawnunderher。
Hewasastonishedatthestrengthofherfaceandfigure，thusentrenched。
\"MydearJimmy！\"shesaid，\"Iwantyoutodonothingbutgetmeanothercigarette。Atmyageoneexpectsnomorethanonegets！Sheheldoutherthumbandfinger:\"Doyoumind？\"
Fortturnedawaytogetthecigarette。Withwhatbitterrestraintandcuriouslittlesmileshehadsaidthat！Butnosoonerwasheoutoftheroomandhuntingblindlyforthecigarettes，thanhismindwasfilledwithanachingconcernforNoel，fleeinglikethat，recklessandhurt，withnowheretogo。Hefoundthepolishedbirch—woodboxwhichheldthecigarettes，andmadeadesperateefforttodismisstheimageofthegirlbeforeheagainreachedLeila。Shewasstillsittingthere，withherarmscrossed，inthestillnessofonewhoseeverynerveandfibrewasstretchedtaut。
\"Haveoneyourself，\"shesaid。\"Thepipeofpeace。\"
Fortlitthecigarettes，andsatdownontheedgeofthebed;andhismindatoncewentbacktoNoel。
\"Yes，\"shesaidsuddenly;\"Iwonderwhereshe’sgone。Canyouseeher？Shemightdosomethingrecklessasecondtime。PoorJimmy！Itwouldbeapity。Andsothatmonk’sbeenhere，anddrunkchampagne。
Goodidea！Getmesome，Jimmy！\"
AgainFortwent，andwithhimtheimageofthegirl。Whenhecamebackthesecondtime;shehadputonthatdarksilkgarmentinwhichshehadappearedsuddenlyradiantthefatalnightaftertheQueen’sHallconcert。Shetookthewineglass，andpassedhim，goingintothesitting—room。
\"Comeandsitdown，\"shesaid。\"Isyourleghurtingyou？\"
\"Notmorethanusual，\"andhesatdownbesideher。
\"Won’tyouhavesome？’Invinoveritas;’myfriend。\"
Heshookhishead，andsaidhumbly:\"Iadmireyou，Leila。\"
\"That’slucky。Idon’tknowanyoneelsewho，would。\"Andshedrankherchampagneatadraught。
\"Don’tyouwish，\"shesaidsuddenly，\"thatIhadbeenoneofthosewonderfulNewWomen，allbrainandgoodworks。HowIshouldhavetalkedtheUniverseupanddown，andthewar，andCauses，drinkingtea，andneverboringyoutotryandloveme。Whatapity！\"
ButtoForttherehadcomeNoel’swords:\"It’sawfullyfunny，isn’tit？\"
\"Leila，\"hesaidsuddenly，\"something’sgottobedone。Solongasyoudon’twishmeto，I’llpromisenevertoseethatchildagain。\"
\"Mydearboy，she’snotachild。She’sripeforlove;and——I’mtooripeforlove。That’swhat’sthematter，andI’vegottolumpit。\"
Shewrenchedherhandoutofhisand，droppingtheemptyglass，coveredherface。TheawfulsensationwhichvisitsthetrueEnglishmanwhenascenestareshiminthefacespuninFort’sbrain。
Shouldheseizeherhands，dragthemdown，andkissher？Shouldhegetupandleaveheralone？Speak，orkeepsilent;trytoconsole;
trytopretend？Andhedidabsolutelynothing。Sofarasamancanunderstandthatmomentinawoman’slifewhensheacceptsthedefeatofYouthandBeauty，heunderstoodperhaps;butitwasonlyaglimmering。Heunderstoodmuchbetterhowshewasrecognisingonceforallthatshelovedwhereshewasnotloved。
’AndIcan’thelpthat，’hethoughtdumbly;’simplycan’thelpthat！’
Nothinghecouldsayordowouldalterit。Nowordscanconvinceawomanwhenkisseshavelostreality。Then，tohisinfiniterelief，shetookherhandsfromherface，andsaid:
\"Thisisverydull。Ithinkyou’dbettergo，Jimmy。\"
Hemadeanefforttospeak，butwastooafraidoffalsityinhisvoice。
\"Verynearlyascene！\"saidLeila。\"MyGod！
Howmenhatethem！SodoI。I’vehadtoomanyinmytime;nothingcomesofthembutaheadachenextmorning。I’vesparedyouthat，Jimmy。Givemeakissforit。\"
Hebentdownandputhislipstohers。Withallhishearthetriedtoanswerthepassioninherkiss。Shepushedhimawaysuddenly，andsaidfaintly:
\"Thankyou;youdidtry！\"
Fortdashedhishandacrosshiseyes。Thesightofherfacejustthenmovedhimhorribly。Whatabrutehefelt！Hetookherlimphand，putittohislips，andmurmured:
\"Ishallcomeinto—morrow。We’llgotothetheatre，shallwe？Goodnight，Leila！\"
But，inopeningthedoor，hecaughtsightofherface，staringathim，evidentlywaitingforhimtoturn;theeyeshadafrightenedlook。Theywentsuddenlysoft，sosoftastogivehisheartasqueeze。
Sheliftedherhand，blewhimakiss，andhesawhersmiling。
Withoutknowingwhathisownlipsanswered，hewentout。Hecouldnotmakeuphismindtogoaway，but，crossingtotherailings，stoodleaningagainstthem，lookingupatherwindows。Shehadbeenverygoodtohim。Hefeltlikeamanwhohaswonatcards，andsneakedawaywithoutgivingtheloserhisrevenge。Ifonlyshehadn’tlovedhim;andithadbeenasoullesscompanionship，aquitesordidbusiness。Anythingratherthanthis！Englishtothebackbone，hecouldnotdivesthimselfofasenseofguilt。Toseenowayofmakinguptoher，ofstraighteningitout，madehimfeelintenselymean。’ShallIgoupagain？’hethought。Thewindow—curtainmoved。
Thentheshredsoflightuptherevanished。’She’sgonetobed，’hethought。’Ishouldonlyupsetherworse。WhereisNoel，now，I
wonder？Ishallneverseeheragain，Isuppose。Altogetherabadbusiness。MyGod，yes！Abad—badbusiness！’
And，painfully，forhislegwashurtinghim，hewalkedaway。
Leilawasonlytoowellawareofatruththatfeelingsarenolessreal，poignant，andimportanttothoseoutsidemorality’sringfencethantothosewithin。Herfeelingswere，indeed，probablyevenmorerealandpoignant，justasawildfruit’sflavourissharperthanthatofthetameproduct。Opinion——sheknew——wouldsay，thathavingwilfullychosenapositionoutsidemoralityshehadnothalfthecaseforbrokenheartednessshewouldhavehadifForthadbeenherhusband:Opinion——sheknew——wouldsayshehadnoclaimonhim，andthesooneranillegaltiewasbroken，thebetter！Butshefeltfullyaswretchedasifshehadbeenmarried。Shehadnotwantedtobeoutsidemorality;neverinherlifewantedtobethat。Shewaslikethosewhobyconfessionshedtheirsinsandstartagainwithaclearconscience。Shenevermeanttosin，onlytolove，andwhenshewasinlove，nothingelsematteredforthemoment。But，thoughagambler，shehadalwayssofarpaidup。Only，thistimethestakesweretheheaviestawomancanputdown。Itwasherlastthrow;andsheknewit。Solongasawomanbelievedinherattraction，therewashope，evenwhenthecurtainfellonalove—affair！ButforLeilathelampofbeliefhadsuddenlygoneout，andwhenthisnextcurtaindroppedshefeltthatshemustsitinthedarkuntiloldagemadeherindifferent。Andbetweenforty—fourandrealoldageagulfisfixed。Thiswasthefirsttimeamanhadtiredofher。Why！hehadbeentiredbeforehebegan，orsoshefelt。Inoneswiftmomentasofadrowningperson，shesawagainallthepassagesoftheircompanionship，knewwithcertaintythatithadneverbeenagenuineflame。Shameran，consuming，inherveins。Sheburiedherfaceinthecushions。Thisgirlhadpossessedhisrealheartallthetime。
Withalaughshethought:’Iputmymoneyonthewronghorse;IoughttohavebackedEdward。Icouldhaveturnedthatpoormonk’shead。
IfonlyIhadneverseenJimmyagain;ifIhadtornhisletterup，I
couldhavemadepoorEdwardloveme！’Ifs！Whatfolly！Thingshappenedastheymust！
And，startingup，shebegantoroamthelittleroom。WithoutJimmyshewouldbewretched，withhimshewouldbewretchedtoo！’Ican’tbeartoseehisface，’shethought;’andIcan’tliveherewithouthim！It’sreallyfunny！’Thethoughtofherhospitalfilledherwithloathing。Togotheredayafterdaywiththisdespaireatingatherheart——shesimplycouldnot。Shewentoverherresources。Shehadmoremoneythanshethought;JimmyhadgivenheraChristmaspresentoffivehundredpounds。Shehadwantedtotearupthecheque，orforcehimtotakeitback;buttherealitiesofthepreviousfiveyearshadprevailedwithher，andshehadbankedit。
Shewasgladnow。Shehadnottoconsidermoney。Hermindsoughttoescapeinthepast。Shethoughtofherfirsthusband，RonnyFane;oftheirmosquito—curtainedroomsinthatghastlyMadrasheat。PoorRonny！Whatapale，cynicalyoungghoststartedupunderthatname。
ShethoughtofLynch，hishorsey，matter—of—factsolidity。Shehadlovedthemboth——foratime。Shethoughtoftheveldt，ofConstantia，andtheloomofTableMountainunderthestars;andthefirstsightofJimmy，hisstraightlook，thecurveofhiscrisphead，thekind，fighting—schoolboyfranknessofhisface。Evennow，afterallthosemonthsoftheircompanionship，thatlong—agoeveningatgrapeharvest，whenshesangtohimunderthescentedcreepers，wasthememoryofhimmostchargedwithrealfeeling。Thatoneeveningatanyratehehadlongedforher，eleven:yearsago，whenshewasinherprime。Shecouldhaveheldherownthen;Noelwouldhavecomeinvain。Tothinkthatthisgirlhadstillfifteenyearsbeforeshewouldbeeveninherprime。Fifteenyearsofwitchery;andthenanothertenbeforeshewasontheshelf。Why！ifNoelmarriedJimmy，hewouldbeanoldmandotingonherstill，bythetimeshehadreachedthisfatalageofforty—four:Shefeltasifshemustscream，and;stuffingherhandkerchiefintohermouth，turnedoutthelight。
Darknesscooledher，alittle。Shepulledasidethecurtains，andletinthemoonlight。Jimmyandthatgirlwereoutinitsomewhere，seekingeachother，ifnotinbody，theninthought。Andsoon，somehow，somewhere，theywouldcometogether——cometogetherbecauseFatemeantthemto！Fatewhichhadgivenheryoungcousinalikenesstoherself;placedher，too，injustsuchahopelesspositionasappealedtoJimmy，andgavehimachanceagainstyoungermen。Shesawitwithbittersurety。Goodgamblerscuttheirlosses！
Yes，andproudwomendidnotkeepunwillinglovers！Ifshehadevenanoutsidechance，shewouldtrailherpride，dragitthroughthemud，throughthorns！Butshehadnot。Andsheclenchedherfist，andstruckoutatthenight，asthoughatthefaceofthatFatewhichonecouldneverreach——impalpable，remorseless，surroundingFatewithitsfaintmockingsmile，devoidofallhumanwarmth。Nothingcouldsetbacktheclock，andgiveherwhatthisgirlhad。Timehad\"doneherin，\"asit\"didin\"everywoman，onebyone。Andshesawherselfgoingdowntheyears，powderingalittlemore，paintingalittlemore，touchingupherhair，tillitwasallartifice，holdingonbyeverylittledevice——andall，towhatend？Toseehisfacegetcolderandcolder，hearhisvoicemoreandmoreconstrainedtogentleness;andknowthatunderneath，aversionwasgrowingwiththethought’Youarekeepingmefromlife，andlove！’tilloneevening，insheernerve—break，shewouldsayordosomefearfulthing，andhewouldcomenomore。’No，Jimmy！’shethought;’findher，andstaywithher。You’renotworthallthat！’Andpuffingtothecurtains，asthoughwiththatgestureshecouldshutouthercreepingfate，sheturnedupthelightandsatdownatherwritingtable。Shestayedsomeminutesmotionless，herchinrestingonherhands，thedarksilkfallendownfromherarms。Alittlemirror，framedincuriouslycarvedivory，pickedupbyherinanIndianbazaartwenty—fiveyearsago，hungonalevelwithherfaceandgavethatfacebacktoher。
’I’mnotugly，’shethoughtpassionately，’I’mnot。Istillhavesomelooksleft。Ifonlythatgirlhadn’tcome。Anditwasallmydoing。Oh，whatmademewritetobothofthem，EdwardandJimmy？’
Sheturnedthemirroraside，andtookupapen。
\"MYDEARJIMMY，\"shewrote:\"Itwillbebetterforusbothifyoutakeaholidayfromhere。Don’tcomeagaintillIwriteforyou。
I’msorryImadeyousomuchdisturbanceto—night。Haveagoodtime，andagoodrest;anddon’tworry。
\"Your——\"
Sofarshehadwrittenwhenateardroppedonthepage，andshehadtotearitupandbeginagain。Thistimeshewrotetotheend—\"YourLeila。\"’Imustpostitnow，’shethought，’orhemaynotgetitbeforeto—morrowevening。Icouldn’tgothroughwiththisagain。’
Shehurriedoutwithitandslippeditinapillarbox。Thenightsmelledofflowers;and，hasteningback，shelaydown，andstayedawakeforhours，tossing，andstaringatthedark。
XIII
1
Leilahadpluck，butlittlepatience。HeronethoughtwastogetawayandsheatoncebegansettlingupheraffairsandgettingapermittoreturntoSouthAfrica。Theexcitementsofpurchaseandpreparationwereasgoodananodyneasshecouldhavetaken。Theperilsoftheseawereatfulljustthen，andtheprospectofdangergaveherasortofpleasure。’IfIgodown，’shethought，’allthebetter;brisk，insteadoflonganddreary。’Butwhenshehadthepermitandhercabinwasbooked，theirrevocabilityofherstepcametoherwithfullforce。Shouldsheseehimagainorno？Herboatstartedinthreedays，andshemustdecide。Ifincompunctionheweretobeaffectionate，sheknewshewouldneverkeeptoherdecision，andthenthehorrorwouldbeginagain，tillagainshewasforcedtothissameaction。Sheletthehoursgoandgotilltheverydaybefore，whentheachetoseehimandthedreadofithadbecomesounbearablethatshecouldnotkeepquiet。Latethatafternoon——everything，tothelastlabel，ready——shewentout，stillundecided。Anitchtoturnthedaggerinherwound，toknowwhathadbecomeofNoel，tookhertoEdward’shouse。Almostunconsciouslyshehadputonherprettiestfrock，andspentanhourbeforetheglass。
Afeverishnessofsoul，morethanofbody，whichhadhungabouthereversincethatnight，gavehercolour。Shelookedherprettiest;
andsheboughtagardeniaatashopinBakerStreetandfasteneditinherdress。ReachingtheoldSquare，shewasastonishedtoseeaboardupwiththewords:\"Tolet，\"thoughthehousestilllookedinhabited。Sherang，andwasshownintothedrawing—room。Shehadonlytwicebeeninthishousebefore;andforsomereason，perhapsbecauseofherownunhappiness，theold，rathershabbyroomstruckheraspathetic，asifinhabitedbythepast。’Iwonderwhathiswifewaslike，’shethought:Andthenshesaw，hangingagainstastripofblackvelvetonthewall，thatfadedcoloursketchoftheslenderyoungwomanleaningforward，withherhandscrossedinherlap。Thecolouringwaslavenderandoldivory，withfainttouchesofrose。Theeyes，soliving，werealittlelikeGratian’s;thewholefacedelicate，eager，good。’Yes，’shethought，’hemusthavelovedyouverymuch。Tosaygood—byemusthavebeenhard。’ShewasstillstandingbeforeitwhenPiersoncamein。
\"That’sadearface，Edward。I’vecometosaygood—bye。I’mleavingforSouthAfricato—morrow。\"And，asherhandtouchedhis，shethought:’ImusthavebeenmadtothinkIcouldeverhavemadehimloveme。’
\"Areyou——areyouleavinghim？\"
Leilanodded:
\"That’sverybrave，andwonderful。\"
\"Oh！no。Needsmustwhenthedevildrives——that’sall。Idon’tgiveuphappinessofmyownaccord。That’snotwithinahundredmilesofthetruth。WhatIshallbecome，Idon’tknow，butnothingbetter，youmaybesure。IgiveupbecauseIcan’tkeep，andyouknowwhy。
WhereisNoel？\"
\"Downatthesea，withGeorgeandGratian。\"
Hewaslookingatherinwonder;andthepained，puzzledexpressiononhisfaceangeredher。
\"Iseethehouseistolet。Who’dhavethoughtachildlikethatcouldrootuptwofossilslikeus？Nevermind，Edward，there’sthesamebloodinus。We’llkeepourendsupinourownways。Whereareyougoing？\"
\"They’llgivemeachaplaincyintheEast，Ithink。\"
ForawildmomentLeilathought:’ShallIoffertogowithhim——thetwolostdogstogether？’
\"Whatwouldhavehappened，Edward，ifyouhadproposedtomethatMayweek，whenwewere——alittlebitinlove？Whichwouldithavebeen，worstfor，youorme？\"
\"Youwouldn’thavetakenme，Leila。\"
\"Oh，oneneverknows。Butyou’dneverhavebeenapriestthen，andyou’dneverhavebecomeasaint。\"
\"Don’tusethatsillyword。Ifyouknew——\"
\"Ido;Icanseethatyou’vebeenhalfburnedalive;halfburnedandhalfburied！Well，youhaveyourreward，whateveritis，andImine。
Good—bye，Edward！\"Shetookhishand。\"Youmightgivemeyourblessing;Iwantit。\"
Piersonputhisotherhandonhershoulderand，bendingforward，kissedherforehead。
ThetearsrushedupinLeila’seyes。\"Ahme！\"shesaid，\"it’sasadworld！\"Andwipingthequiveringoffherlipswiththebackofherglovedhand，shewentquicklypasthimtothedoor。Shelookedbackfromthere。Hehadnotstirred，buthislipsweremoving。’He’sprayingforme！’shethought。’Howfunny！’
2
Themomentshewasoutside，sheforgothim;thedreadfulacheforFortseemedtohavebeenwhippedupwithinher，asifthatfigureoflifelongrepressionhadinfuriatedtheloveoflifeandpleasureinher。ShemustandwouldseeJimmyagain，ifshehadtowaitandseekforhimallnight！Itwasnearlyseven，hewouldsurelyhavefinishedattheWarOffice;hemightbeathisCluborathisrooms。
Shemadeforthelatter。
ThelittlestreetnearBuckinghamGate，wherenowaghadchalked\"Peace\"onthedoorsfornearlyayearnow，hadanaridlookafterahotday’ssun。Thehair—dresser’sshopbelowhisroomswasstillopen，andtheprivatedoorajar:’Iwon’tring，’shethought;’I’llgostraightup。’Whileshewasmountingthetwoflightsofstairs，shestoppedtwice，breathless，fromapaininherside。Sheoftenhadthatpainnow，asifthelonginginherheartstraineditphysically。Onthemodestlandingatthetop，outsidehisrooms，shewaited，leaningagainstthewall，whichwascoveredwitharedpaper。
Awindowatthebackwasopenandtheconfusedsoundofsingingcamein——achorus\"Vive—la，vive—la，vive—lave。Vivelacompagnie。\"Soitcametoher。’OGod！’shethought:’Lethimbein，lethimbenicetome。It’sthelasttime。’And，sickfromanxiety，sheopenedthedoor。Hewasin——lyingonawicker—couchagainstthewallinthefarcorner，withhisarmscrossedbehindhishead，andapipeinhismouth;hiseyeswereclosed，andheneithermoved，noropenedthem，perhapssupposinghertobetheservant。Noiselessasacat，Leilacrossedtheroomtillshestoodabovehim。Andwaitingforhimtocomeoutofthatdefiantlethargy，shetookherfillofhisthin，bonyface，healthyandhollowatthesametime。Withteethclenchedonthepipeithadalookofhardresistance，asofamanwithhisheadback，hisarmspinionedtohissides，stiffenedagainstsomecreature，clingingandclimbingandtryingtodraghimdown。Thepipewasalive，anddribbledsmoke;andhisleg，theinjuredone，wriggledrestlessly，asifworryinghim;buttherestofhimwasasutterlyandobstinatelystillasthoughhewereasleep。Hishairgrewthickandcrisp，notathreadofgreyinit，theteethwhichheldthepipeglintedwhiteandstrong。Hisfacewasyoung;somuchyoungerthanhers。Whydidsheloveit——thefaceofamanwhocouldn’tloveher？Forasecondshefeltasifshecouldseizethecushionwhichhadslippeddownoffthecouch，andsmotherhimashelaythere，refusing，soitseemedtoher，tocometoconsciousness。
Lovedespised！Humiliation！Shenearlyturnedandstoleaway。Thenthroughthedoor，leftopen，behindher，thesoundofthatchorus:
\"Vive—la，vive—la，vive—lave！\"cameinandjoltedhernervesunbearably。Tearingthegardeniafromherbreast，sheflungitontohisupturnedface。
\"Jimmy！\"
Fortstruggledup，andstaredather。Hisfacewascomicfrombewilderment，andshebrokeintoalittlenervouslaugh。
\"Youweren’tdreamingofme，dearJimmy，that’scertain。Inwhatgardenwereyouwandering？\"
\"Leila！You！How——howjolly！\"
\"How——howjolly！Iwantedtoseeyou，soIcame。AndIhaveseenyou，asyouare，whenyouaren’twithme。Ishallrememberit;itwasgoodforme——awfullygoodforme。\"
\"Ididn’thearyou。\"
\"Far，faraway，mydear。Putmygardeniain，yourbuttonhole。Stop，I’llpinitin。Haveyouhadagoodrestallthisweek？Doyoulikemydress？It’snew。Youwouldn’thavenoticedit，wouldyou？\"
\"Ishouldhavenoticed。Ithinkit’scharming。
\"Jimmy，Ibelievethatnothing——nothingwillevershakeyourchivalry。\"
\"Chivalry？Ihavenone。\"
\"Iamgoingtoshutthedoor，doyoumind？\"Buthewenttothedoorhimself，shutit，andcamebacktoher。Leilalookedupathim。
\"Jimmy，ifeveryoulovedmealittlebit，benicetometoday。AndifIsaythings——ifI’mbitter——don’tmind;don’tnoticeit。
Promise！\"
\"Ipromise。\"
Shetookoffherhatandsatleaningagainsthimonthecouch，sothatshecouldnotseehisface。Andwithhisarmroundher，sheletherselfgo，deepintothewatersofillusion;down—down，tryingtoforgettherewasasurfacetowhichshemustreturn;likealittlegirlsheplayedthatgameofmake—believe。’Helovesme—helovesme—
helovesme！’Toloseherselflikethatfor，justanhour，onlyanhour;shefeltthatshewouldgivetherestofthetimevouchsafedtoher;giveitallandwillingly。Herhandclaspedhisagainstherheart，sheturnedherfacebackward，uptohis，closinghereyessoasstillnottoseehisface;thescentofthegardeniainhiscoathurther，sosweetandstrongitwas。
3
Whenwithherhatonshestoodreadytogo，itwasgettingdark。Shehadcomeoutofherdreamnow，wasplayingatmake—believenomore。
Andshestoodwithastonysmile，inthehalf—dark，lookingbetweenherlashesatthemortifiedexpressiononhisunconsciousface。
\"PoorJimmy！\"shesaid;\"I’mnotgoingtokeepyoufromdinneranylonger。No，don’tcomewithme。I’mgoingalone;anddon’tlightup，forheaven’ssake。\"
Sheputherhandonthelapelofhiscoat。\"Thatflower’sgonebrownattheedges。Throwitaway;Ican’tbearfadedflowers。Norcanyou。Getyourselfafreshonetomorrow。\"
Shepulledtheflowerfromhisbuttonholeand，crushingitinherhand，heldherfaceup。
\"Well，kissmeoncemore;itwon’thurtyou。\"
Foronemomentherlipsclungtohiswithalltheirmight。Shewrenchedthemaway，feltforthehandleblindly，openedthedoor，and，shuttingitinhisface，wentslowly，swayingalittle，downthestairs。Shetrailedaglovedhandalongthewall，asifitssoliditycouldhelpher。Atthelasthalf—landing，whereacurtainhung，dividingoffbackpremises，shestoppedandlistened。Therewasn’tasound。’IfIstandherebehindthiscurtain，’shethought，’Ishallseehimagain。’Sheslippedbehindthecurtain，closedrawnbutforalittlechink。Itwassodarktherethatshecouldnotseeherownhand。Sheheardthedooropen，andhisslowfootstepscomingdownthestairs。Hisfeet，knees，wholefigurecameintosight，hisfacejustadimblur。Hepassed，smokingacigarette。Shecrammedherhandagainsthermouthtostopherselffromspeakingandthecrushedgardeniafilledhernostrilswithitscold，fragrantvelvet。Hewasgone，thedoorbelowwasshut。Awild，half—stupidlongingcameonhertogoupagain，waittillhecamein，throwherselfuponhim，tellhimshewasgoing，beghimtokeepherwithhim。Ah！andhewould！Hewouldlookatherwiththathaggardpityshecouldnotbear，andsay，\"Ofcourse，Leila，ofcourse。\"No！ByGod，no！\"Iamgoingquietlyhome，\"shemuttered;\"justquietlyhome！Comealong，bebrave;don’tbeafool！Comealong！\"Andshewentdownintothestreet:AttheentrancetotheParkshesawhim，fiftyyardsinfront，dawdlingalong。And，asifshehadbeenhisshadowlengthenedouttothatfardistance，shemovedbehindhim。Slowly，alwaysatthatdistance，shefollowedhimundertheplane—trees，alongtheParkrailings，pastSt。James’sPalace，intoPallMall。Hewentupsomesteps，andvanishedintohisClub。Itwastheend。Shelookedupatthebuilding;amonstrousgranitetomb，alldark。Anemptiedcabwasjustmovingfromthedoor。Shegotin。\"CamelotMansions，St。
John’sWood。\"Andbracedagainstthecushions，panting，andclenchingherhands，shethought:’Well，I’veseenhimagain。Hardcrust’sbetterthannobread。Oh，God！Allfinished——notacrumb，notacrumb！Vive—la，vive—la，vive—lave。Vive—lacompagnie！’
XIV
Forthadbeenlyingthereaboutanhour，sleepingandawake，beforethatvisit:Hehaddreamedacuriousandwonderfullyemotionalisingdream。Alonggreyline，inadimlight，neitherofnightnormorning，thewholelengthofthebattle—frontinFrance，charginginshortdrives，whichcarriedthelinealittleforward，withjustatinypauseandsuck—back;thenonagainirresistibly，onandon;andateachrush，everyvoice，hisownamongthem，shouted\"Hooray！theEnglish！Hooray！theEnglish！\"Thesensationofthatadvancingtideofdimfiguresingreylight，thethrobandroar，thewonderful，rhythmicsteadydriveofit，nomoretobestoppedthanthewavesofanincomingtide，wasgloriouslyfascinating;lifewasnothing，deathnothing。\"Hooray，theEnglish！\"Inthatdream，hewashiscountry，hewaseveryoneofthatlongchargingline，drivingforwardin。
thosegreatheavingpulsations，irresistible，onandon。Outoftheverycentreofthisintoxicatingdreamhehadbeendraggedbysomestreetnoise，andhadclosedhiseyesagain，inthevainhopethathemightdreamitontoitsend。Butitcamenomore;andlightinghispipe，helaytherewonderingatitsfervid，fantasticrealism。Deathwasnothing，ifhiscountrylivedandwon。Inwakinghoursheneverhadquitethatsingle—heartedknowledgeofhimself。Andwhatmarvellouslyrealtouchesgotmixedintothefantasticstuffofdreams，asifsomethingwereatworktoconvincethedreamerinspiteofhimself——\"Hooray！\"not\"Hurrah！\"Justcommon\"Hooray！\"And\"theEnglish，\"nottheliterary\"British。\"Andthenthesoftflowerhadstruckhisforehead，andLeila’svoicecried:\"Jimmy！\"