第1章
加入书架 A- A+
点击下载App,搜索"THE DAWN OF A TO—MORROW",免费读到尾

  I

  Therearealwaystwowaysoflookingatathing,frequentlytherearesixorseven;buttwowaysoflookingataLondonfogarequiteenough。Whenitisthickandyellowinthestreetsandstingsaman’sthroatandlungsashebreathesit,anawakeningintheearlymorningiseitheranunearthlyandgrewsome,oramysteriouslyenclosing,secluding,andcomfortablething。Ifoneawakensinahealthybody,andwithaclearbrainrestedbynormalsleepandretainingmemoriesofanormallyagreeableyesterday,onemayliewatchingthehousemaidbuildingthefire;

  andaftershehassweptthehearthandputthingsinorder,liewatchingtheflamesoftheblazingandcracklingwoodcatchthecoalsandsetthemblazingalso,anddancingmerrilyandfillingcornerswithaglow;andinsolyingandrealizingthatleapinglightandwarmthandasoftbedaregoodthings,onemayturnoveronone’sback,stretchingarmsandlegsluxuriously,drawingdeepbreathsandsmilingataknowledgeofthefogoutsidewhichmakeshalf—pasteighto’clockonaDecembermorningasdarkastwelveo’clockonaDecembernight。Undersuchconditionsthesoft,thick,yellowgloomhasitspicturesqueandevenhumorousaspect。

  Onefeelsenclosedbyitatoncefantasticallyandcosily,andisinclinedtorevelinimaginingsofthepictureoutside,itsRembrandtlightsandorangeyellows,thehalosaboutthestreet—lamps,theilluminationofshop—

  windows,theflareoftorchesstuckupovercosterbarrowsandcoffee—

  stands,theshadowsonthefacesofthemenandwomensellingandbuyingbesidethem。Refreshedbysleepandcomfortandsurroundedbylight,warmth,andgoodcheer,itiseasytofacetheday,toconfrontgoingoutintothefogandfeelingasortofpleasureinitsmysteries。Thisisonewayoflookingatit,butonlyone。

  Theotherwayismarkedbyenormousdifferences。

  Aman——hehadgivenhisnametothepeopleofthehouseasAntonyDart——awakenedinathird—storybedroominalodging—houseinapoorstreetinLondon,andashisconsciousnessreturnedtohim,itsslowandreluctantmovingsconfrontedthesecondpointofview——markedbyenormousdifferences。Hehadnotslepttwoconsecutivehoursthroughthenight,andwhenhehadslepthehadbeentormentedbydrearydreams,whichweremorefullofmiserybecauseoftheirelusivevagueness,whichkepthistorturedbrainonawearyingstrainofefforttoreachsomedefiniteunderstandingofthem。Yetwhenheawakenedtheconsciousnessofbeingagainalivewasanawfulthing。

  Ifthedreamscouldhavefadedintoblanknessandallhavepassedwiththepassingofthenight,howhecouldhavethankedwhatevergodstherebe!Onlynottoawake——

  onlynottoawake!Buthehadawakened。

  Theclockstrucknineashedidso,consequentlyheknewthehour。

  Thelodging—houseslaveyhadarousedhimbycomingtolightthefire。Shehadsethercandleonthehearthanddoneherworkasstealthilyaspossible,buthehadbeendisturbed,thoughhehadmadeadesperateefforttostrugglebackintosleep。Thatwasnouse——nouse。Hewasawakeandhewasinthemidstofitallagain。

  Withoutthesenseofluxuriouscomfortheopenedhiseyesandturneduponhisback,throwingouthisarmsflatly,sothathelayasintheformofacross,inheavywearinessandanguish。Formonthshehadawakenedeachmorningaftersuchanightandhadsolainlikeacrucifiedthing。

  Ashewatchedthepainfulflickeringofthedampandsmokingwoodandcoalherememberedthisandthoughtthattherehadbeenalifetimeofsuchawakenings,notknowingthatthemorbidnessofafaggedbrainblottedoutthememoryofmorenormaldaysandtoldhimfantasticlieswhichwerebutahundredthparttruth。Hecouldseeonlythehundredthparttruth,anditassumedproportionssohugethathecouldseenothingelse。Insuchastatethehumanbrainisaninfernalmachineanditsworkingscanonlybeconqueredifthemortalthingwhichliveswithit——dayandnight,nightandday——haslearnedtoseparateitscontrollablefromitsseeminglyuncontrollableatoms,andcansilenceitsclamoronitswaytomadness。

  AntonyDarthadnotlearnedthisthingandtheclamorhadhaditshideouswaywithhim。Physicianswouldhavegivenanametohismentalandphysicalcondition。Hehadheardthesenamesoften——appliedtomenthestrainofwhoseliveshadbeenlikethestrainofhisown,andhadleftthemasithadlefthim——

  jaded,joyless,breakingthings。Someofthemhadbeenbrokenandhaddiedorweredraggingoutbruisedandtormenteddaysintheirownhomesorinmad—houses。Healwaysshudderedwhenheheardtheirnames,andrebelledwithsickfearagainstthemerementionofthem。Theyhadworkedashehadworked,theyhadbeenstrickenwiththedeliriumofaccumulation——accumulation——

  ashehadbeen。Theyhadbeencaughtintherushandswirlofthegreatmaelstrom,andhadbeenborneroundandroundinit,untilhavinggraspedeverycovetedthingtossinguponitscirclingwaters,theythemselveshadbeenflungupontheshorewithbothhandsfull,therocksaboutthemstrewnwithrichpossessions,whiletheylayprostrateandgazedatalllifehadbroughtwithdull,hopeless,anguishedeyes。Heknew——iftheworstcametotheworst——

  whatwouldbesaidofhim,becausehehadhearditsaidofothers。\"Heworkedtoohard——heworkedtoohard。\"Hewassickofhearingit。

  Whatwaswrongwiththeworld——

  whatwaswrongwithman,asMan——ifworkcouldbreakhimlikethis?

  IfonebelievedinDeity,thelivingcreatureItbreathedintobeingmustbeaperfectthing——notonetobewearied,sickened,torturedbythelifeItsbreathinghadcreated。A

  meremanwoulddisdaintobuildathingsopoorandincomplete。

  Amerehumanengineerwhoconstructedanenginewhoseworkingswereperpetuallyatfault——whichwentwrongwhencalledupontodothelaboritwasmadefor——whowouldnotscoffatitandcastitasideasapieceofworthlessbungling?

  \"Somethingiswrong,\"hemut—

  tered,lyingflatuponhiscrossandstaringattheyellowhazewhichhadcreptthroughcranniesinwindow—

  sashesintotheroom。\"Someoneiswrong。IsitI——orYou?\"

  Histhinlipsdrewthemselvesbackagainsthisteethinamirthlesssmilewhichwaslikeagrin。

  \"Yes,\"hesaid。\"Iamprettyfargone。IambeginningtotalktomyselfaboutGod。BryandiditjustbeforehewastakentoDr。Hewletts’

  placeandcuthisthroat。\"

  Hehadnotledaspeciallyevillife;hehadnotbrokenlaws,butthesubjectofDeitywasnotonewhichhisschemeofexistencehadincluded。Whenithadhauntedhimoflatehehadfeltitanuntowardandmorbidsign。Thethinghaddrawnhim——drawnhim;hehadcomplainedagainstit,hehadargued,sometimesheknew——shuddering——

  thathehadraved。Somethinghadseemedtostandasideandwatchhisbeingandhisthinking。

  Somethingwhichfilledtheuniversehadseemedtowait,andtohavewaitedthroughalltheeternalages,toseewhathe——oneman——woulddo。Attimesagreatappalledwonderhadsweptoverhimathisrealizationthathehadneverknownorthoughtofitbefore。Ithadbeentherealways——throughalltheagesthathadpassed。Andsometimes——

  onceortwice——thethoughthadinsomeunspeakable,untranslatablewaybroughthimamoment’scalm。

  Butatothertimeshehadsaidtohimself——withashiveringsoulcoweringwithinhim——thatthiswasonlypartofitallandwasabeginning,perhaps,ofreligiousmonomania。

  Duringthelastweekhehadknownwhathewasgoingtodo——

  hehadmadeuphismind。Thisabjecthorrorthroughwhichothershadletthemselvesbedraggedtomadnessordeathhewouldnotendure。Theendshouldcomequickly,andnooneshouldbesmittenaghastbyseeingorknowinghowitcame。

  InthecrowdedshabbierstreetsofLondontherewerelodging—houseswhereone,bytakingprecautions,couldendhislifeinsuchamanneraswouldblothimoutofanyworldwheresuchamanashimselfhadbeenknown。Apistol,properlymanaged,wouldobliterateresemblancetoanyhumanthing。Monthsagothroughchancetalkhehadheardhowitcouldbedone——anddonequickly。

  Hecouldleaveamisleadingletter。

  Hehadplannedwhatitshouldbe——

  thestoryitshouldtellofadisheartenedmediocreventurerofhispoorallreturningbankruptandhumiliatedfromAustralia,endingexistenceinsuchpennilessnessthattheparishmustgivehimapauper’sgrave。Whatdiditmatterwhereamanlay,sothatheslept——slept——

  slept?Surelywithone’sbrainsscatteredonewouldsleepsoundlyanywhere。

  Hehadcometothehousethenightbefore,dressedshabbilywiththepitiablerespectabilityofadefeatedman。Hehadentereddroopinglywithbentshouldersandhopelesshangofhead。Inhisownspherehewasamanwhoheldhimselfwell。Hehadletfallafewdispiritedsentenceswhenhehadengagedhisbackroomfromthewomanofthehouse,andshehadrecognizedhimasoneoftheluckless。

  Infact,shehadhesitatedamomentbeforehisunreliablelookuntilhehadtakenoutmoneyfromhispocketandpaidhisrentforaweekinadvance。Shewouldhavethatatleastforhertrouble,hehadsaidtohimself。Heshouldnotoccupytheroomafterto—morrow。Inhisownhomesomedayswouldpassbeforehishouseholdbegantomakeinquiries。HehadtoldhisservantsthathewasgoingovertoParisforachange。Hewouldbesafeanddeepinhispauper’sgraveaweekbeforetheyaskedeachotherwhytheydidnothearfromhim。Allwasinorder。Oneofthemockingagonieswasthatlivingwasdonefor。Hehadceasedtolive。Work,pleasure,sun,moon,andstarshadlosttheirmeaning。Hestoodandlookedatthemostradiantlovelinessoflandandskyandseaandfeltnothing。

  Successbroughtgreaterwealtheachdaywithoutstirringapulseofpleasure,evenintriumph。Therewasnothingleftbuttheawfuldaysandawfulnightstowhichheknewphysicianscouldgivetheirscientificname,buthadnohealingfor。Hehadgonefarenough。Hewouldgonofarther。To—morrowitwouldhavebeenoverlonghours。Andtherewouldhavebeennopublicdeclaimingoverthehumiliatingpitifulnessofhisend。Andwhatdiditmatter?

  Howthickthefogwasoutside——

  thickenoughforamantolosehimselfinit。Theyellowmistwhichhadcreptinunderthedoorsandthroughthecrevicesofthewindow—

  sashesgaveaghostlylooktotheroom——aghastly,abnormallook,hesaidtohimself。Thefirewassmoulderinginsteadofblazing。Butwhatdiditmatter?Hewasgoingout。Hehadnotboughtthepistollastnight——likeafool。Somehowhisbrainhadbeensotiredandcrowdedthathehadforgotten。

  \"Forgotten。\"Hementallyrepeatedthewordashegotoutofbed。

  Bythistimeto—morrowheshouldhaveforgotteneverything。THIS

  TIMETO—MORROW。Hismindrepeatedthatalso,ashebegantodresshimself。Whereshouldhebe?Shouldhebeanywhere?Supposeheawakenedagain——tosomethingasbadasthis?Howdidamangetoutofhisbody?Afterthecrashandshockwhathappened?DidonefindoneselfstandingbesidetheThingandlookingdownatit?Itwouldnotbeagoodthingtostandandlookdownon——evenforthatwhichhaddesertedit。Buthavingtornoneselfloosefromitanditsdevilishachesandpains,onewouldnotcare——onewouldseehowlittleitallmattered。Anythingelsemustbebetterthanthis——thethingforwhichtherewasascientificnamebutnohealing。Hehadtakenallthedrugs,hehadobeyedallthemedicalorders,andherehewasafterthatlasthellofanight——dressinghimselfinabackbedroomofacheaplodging—housetogooutandbuyapistolinthisdamnedfog。

  Helaughedatthelastphraseofhisthought,thelaughwhichwasamirthlessgrin。

  \"IamthinkingofitasifIwasafraidoftakingcold,\"hesaid。

  \"Andto—morrow——!\"

  TherewouldbenoTo—morrow。

  To—morrowswereatanend。Nomorenights——nomoredays——nomoremorrows。

  Hefinisheddressing,puttingonhisdiscriminatinglychosenshabby—

  genteelclotheswithacarefortheeffectheintendedthemtoproduce。

  Thecollarandcuffsofhisshirtwerefrayedandyellow,andhefastenedhiscollarwithapinandtiedhiswornnecktiecarelessly。Hisovercoatwasbeginningtowearagreenishshadeandlookthreadbare,sowashishat。

  Whenhistoiletwascompletehelookedathimselfinthecrackedandhazyglass,bendingforwardtoscrutinizehisunshavenfaceundertheshadowofthedingyhat。

  \"Itisallright,\"hemuttered。

  \"ItisnotfartothepawnshopwhereIsawit。\"

  Thestillnessoftheroomasheturnedtogooutwasuncanny。Asitwasabackroom,therewasnostreetbelowfromwhichcouldarisesoundsofpassingvehicles,andthethicknessofthefogmuffledsuchsoundasmighthavefloatedfromthefront。Hestoppedhalf—waytothedoor,notknowingwhy,andlistened。

  Towhat——forwhat?Thesilenceseemedtospreadthroughallthehouse——outintothestreets——

  throughallLondon——throughalltheworld,andhetostandinthemidstofit,amanonthewaytoDeath——withnoTo—morrow。

  Whatdiditmean?Itseemedtomeansomething。Theworldwithdrawn——lifewithdrawn——soundwithdrawn——breathwithdrawn。Hestoodandwaited。Perhapsthiswasoneofthesymptomsofthemorbidthingforwhichtherewasthatname。Ifsohehadbettergetawayquicklyandhaveitover,lesthebefoundwanderingaboutnotknowing——notknowing。Butnowheknew——theSilence。Hewaited——waitedandtriedtohear,asifsomethingwascallinghim——callingwithoutsound。Itreturnedtohim——thethoughtofThatwhichhadwaitedthroughalltheagestoseewhathe——oneman——woulddo。

  Hehadneverexactlypitiedhimselfbefore——hedidnotknowthathepitiedhimselfnow,buthewasamangoingtohisdeath,andalight,coldsweatbrokeoutonhimanditseemedasifitwasnothewhodidit,butsomeother——heflungouthisarmsandcriedaloudwordshehadnotknownhewasgoingtospeak。

  \"Lord!Lord!WhatshallIdotobesaved?\"

  ButtheSilencegavenoanswer。

  ItwastheSilencestill。

  Andafterstandingafewmomentspanting,hisarmsfellandhisheaddropped,andturningthehandleofthedoor,hewentouttobuythepistol。

  II

  Ashewentdownthenarrowstaircase,coveredwithitsdingyandthreadbarecarpet,hefoundthehousesofullofdirtyyellowhazethatherealizedthatthefogmustbeoftheextraordinaryoneswhicharerememberedinafter—yearsasabnormalspecimensoftheirkind。Herecalledthattherehadbeenoneofthesortthreeyearsbefore,andthattrafficandbusinesshadbeenalmostentirelystoppedbyit,thataccidentshadhappenedinthestreets,andthatpeoplehavinglosttheirwayhadwanderedaboutturningcornersuntiltheyfoundthemselvesfarfromtheirintendeddestinationsandobligedtotakerefugeinhotelsorthehousesofhospitablestrangers。Curiousincidentshadoccurredandoddstoriesweretoldbythosewhohadfeltthemselvesobligedbycircumstancestogooutintothebafflinggloom。

  Heguessedthatsomethingofalikenaturehadfallenuponthetownagain。Thegas—lightonthelandingsandinthemelancholyhallburnedfeebly——sofeeblythatonegotbutavagueviewofthericketyhat—standandtheshabbyovercoatsandhead—gearhanginguponit。Itwaswellforhimthathehadbutacornerorsototurnbeforehereachedthepawnshopinwhosewindowhehadseenthepistolheintendedtobuy。

  Whenheopenedthestreet—doorhesawthatthefogwas,uponthewhole,perhapsevenheavierandmoreobscuring,ifpossible,thantheonesowellremembered。Hecouldnotseeanythingthreefeetbeforehim,hecouldnotseewithdistinctnessanythingtwofeetahead。Thesensationofsteppingforwardwasuncertainandmysteriousenoughtobealmostappalling。Amannotsufficientlycautiousmighthavefallenintoanyopenholeinhispath。AntonyDartkeptascloselyaspossibletothesidesofthehouses。Itwouldhavebeeneasytowalkoffthepavementintothemiddleofthestreetbutfortheedgesofthecurbandthestepdownwardfromitslevel。Traffichadalmostabsolutelyceased,thoughinthemoreimportantstreetslink—

  boysweremakingeffortstoguidemenorfour—wheelersslowlyalong。

  Theblindfeelingofthethingwasratherawful。Thoughbutfewpedestrianswereout,Dartfoundhimselfonceortwicebrushingagainstorcomingintoforciblecontactwithmenfeelingtheirwayaboutlikehimself。

  \"Oneturntotheright,\"herepeatedmentally,\"twototheleft,andtheplaceisatthecorneroftheothersideofthestreet。\"

  Hemanagedtoreachitatlast,butithadbeenaslow,andtherefore,longjourney。Allthegas—jetsthelittleshopownedwerelighted,butevenundertheirflarethearticlesinthewindow——theoneortwooncecheaplygaudydressesandshawlsandmen’sgarments——hunginthehazelikethedreary,danglingghostsofthingsrecentlyexecuted。

  Amongwatchesandforlornpiecesofold—fashionedjewelryandoddsandends,thepistollayagainstthefoldsofadirtygauzeshawl。Thereitwas。Itwouldhavebeenannoyingifsomeoneelsehadbeenbeforehandandhadboughtit。

点击下载App,搜索"THE DAWN OF A TO—MORROW",免费读到尾