\"What’sonyourmind，Mr。Chops？\"
\"Theydon’tusemewell。Theyan’tgratefultome。Theyputsmeonthemantel—piecewhenIwon’thaveinmoreChampagne—wine，andtheylocksmeinthesideboardwhenIwon’tgiveupmyproperty。\"
\"Getridof’em，Mr。Chops。\"
\"Ican’t。We’reinSocietytogether，andwhatwouldSocietysay？\"
\"ComeoutofSociety！\"saysI。
\"Ican’t。Youdon’tknowwhatyou’retalkingabout。WhenyouhaveoncegoneintoSociety，youmustn’tcomeoutofit。\"
\"Thenifyou’llexcusethefreedom，Mr。Chops，\"weremyremark，shakingmyheadgrave，\"Ithinkit’sapityyoueverwentin。\"
Mr。ChopsshookthatdeepEdofhis，toasurprisinextent，andslappedithalfadozentimeswithhishand，andwithmoreWicethanIthoughtwereinhim。Then，hesays，\"You’reagoodfellow，butyoudon’tunderstand。Good—night，goalong。Magsman，thelittlemanwillnowwalkthreetimesroundtheCairawan，andretirebehindthecurtain。\"ThelastIseeofhimonthatoccasionwashistryin，ontheextremestwergeofinsensibility，toclimbupthestairs，onebyone，withhishandsandknees。They’dhavebeenmuchtoosteepforhim，ifhehadbeensober;buthewouldn’tbehelped。
Itwarn’tlongafterthat，thatIreadinthenewspaperofMr。
Chops’sbeingpresentedatcourt。Itwasprinted，\"Itwillberecollected\"——andI’venoticedinmylife，thatitissuretobeprintedthatitWILLberecollected，wheneveritwon’t——\"thatMr。
Chopsistheindividualofsmallstature，whosebrilliantsuccessinthelastStateLotteryattractedsomuchattention。\"Well，Isaystomyself，SuchisLife！Hehasbeenanddoneitinearnestatlast。HehasastonishedGeorgetheFourth！
（Onaccountofwhich，Ihadthatcanvassnew—painted，himwithabagofmoneyinhishand，apresentinittoGeorgetheFourth，andaladyinOstrichFeathersfallininlovewithhiminabag—wig，sword，andbucklescorrect。）
ItooktheHouseasisthesubjectofpresentinquiries——thoughnotthehonourofbeinacquainted——andIrunMagsman’sAmusementsinitthirteenmonths——sometimesonething，sometimesanother，sometimesnothinparticular，butalwaysallthecanvassesoutside。Onenight，whenwehadplayedthelastcompanyout，whichwasashycompany，throughitsrainingHeavenshard，Iwastakinapipeintheonepairbackalongwiththeyoungmanwiththetoes，whichIhadtakenonforamonth（thoughheneverdrawed——exceptonpaper），andIheardakickinatthestreetdoor。\"Halloa！\"Isaystotheyoungman，\"what’sup！\"Herubshiseyebrowswithhistoes，andhesays，\"I
can’timagine，Mr。Magsman\"——whichhenevercouldimaginenothin，andwasmonotonouscompany。
Thenoisenotleavinoff，Ilaiddownmypipe，andItookupacandle，andIwentdownandopenedthedoor。Ilookedoutintothestreet;butnothincouldIsee，andnothinwasIawareof，untilI
turnedroundquick，becausesomecreeturrunbetweenmylegsintothepassage。TherewasMr。Chops！
\"Magsman，\"hesays，\"takeme，ontheoldterms，andyou’vegotme;
ifit’sdone，saydone！\"
Iwasallofamaze，butIsaid，\"Done，sir。\"
\"Donetoyourdone，anddoubledone！\"sayshe。\"Haveyougotabitofsupperinthehouse？\"
Bearininmindthemsparklinwarietiesofforeigndrainsaswe’dguzzledawayatinPallMall，Iwasashamedtoofferhimcoldsassagesandgin—and—water;buthetook’embothandtook’emfree;
havinachairforhistable，andsittindownatitonastool，likeholdtimes。I，allofamazeallthewhile。
Itwasarterhehadmadeacleansweepofthesassages（beef，andtothebestofmycalculationstwopoundandaquarter），thatthewisdomaswasinthatlittlemanbegantocomeoutofhimlikeprespiration。
\"Magsman，\"hesays，\"lookuponme！Youseeaforeyou，OneashasbothgoneintoSocietyandcomeout。\"
\"O！YouAREoutofit，Mr。Chops？Howdidyougetout，sir？\"
\"SOLDOUT！\"sayshe。YouneversawthelikeofthewisdomashisEdexpressed，whenhemadeuseofthemtwowords。
\"MyfriendMagsman，I’llimparttoyouadiscoveryI’vemade。It’swallable;it’scosttwelvethousandfivehundredpound;itmaydoyougoodinlife——Thesecretofthismatteris，thatitain’tsomuchthatapersongoesintoSociety，asthatSocietygoesintoaperson。\"
Notexactlykeepinupwithhismeanin，Ishookmyhead，putonadeeplook，andsaid，\"You’rerightthere，Mr。Chops。\"
\"Magsman，\"hesays，twitchinmebytheleg，\"Societyhasgoneintome，tothetuneofeverypennyofmyproperty。\"
IfeltthatIwentpale，andthoughnat’rallyaboldspeaker，I
couldn’thardlysay，\"Where’sNormandy？\"
\"Bolted。Withtheplate，\"saidMr。Chops。
\"Andt’otherone？\"meaninghimasformerlyworethebishop’smitre。
\"Bolted。Withthejewels，\"saidMr。Chops。
Isatdownandlookedathim，andhestoodupandlookedatme。
\"Magsman，\"hesays，andheseemedtomyselftogetwiserashegothoarser;\"Society，takeninthelump，isalldwarfs。AtthecourtofSt。James’s，theywasalladoingmyoldbusiness——allagointhreetimesroundtheCairawan，intheholdcourt—suitsandproperties。Elsewheres，theywasmostof’emringintheirlittlebellsoutofmake—believes。Everywheres，thesarserwasagoinround。Magsman，thesarseristheuniwersalInstitution！\"
Iperceived，youunderstand，thathewassouredbyhismisfortunes，andIfeltforMr。Chops。
\"AstoFatLadies，\"hesays，givinghisheadatremendiousoneaginthewall，\"there’slotsofTHEMinSociety，andworsethantheoriginal。HERSwasaoutrageuponTaste——simplyaoutrageuponTaste——awakenincontempt——carryinitsownpunishmentintheformofaIndian。\"Herehegivhimselfanothertremendiousone。\"ButTHEIRS，Magsman，THEIRSismercenaryoutrages。LayinCashmeershawls，buybracelets，strew’emandalotof’andsomefansandthingsaboutyourrooms，letitbeknownthatyougiveawaylikewatertoallascometoadmire，andtheFatLadiesthatdon’texhibitforsomuchdownuponthedrum，willcomefromallthepintsofthecompasstoflockaboutyou，whateveryouare。They’lldrillholesinyour’art，Magsman，likeaCullender。Andwhenyou’venomorelefttogive，they’lllaughatyoutoyourface，andleaveyoutohaveyourbonespickeddrybyWulturs，likethedeadWildAssofthePrairiesthatyoudeservetobe！\"Herehegivhimselfthemosttremendiousoneofall，anddropped。
Ithoughthewasgone。HisEdwassoheavy，andheknockeditsohard，andhefellsostoney，andthesassagerialdisturbanceinhimmusthavebeensoimmense，thatIthoughthewasgone。But，hesooncomeroundwithcare，andhesatuponthefloor，andhesaidtome，withwisdomcominoutofhiseyes，ifeveritcome:
\"Magsman！Themostmaterialdifferencebetweenthetwostatesofexistencethroughwhichyourunhappyfriendhaspassed;\"hereachedouthispoorlittlehand，andhistearsdroppeddownonthemoustachiowhichitwasacredittohimtohavedonehisbesttogrow，butitisnotinmortalstocommandsuccess，——\"thedifferencethis。WhenIwasoutofSociety，Iwaspaidlightforbeingseen。
WhenIwentintoSociety，Ipaidheavyforbeingseen。Iprefertheformer，evenifIwasn’tforceduponit。Givemeoutthroughthetrumpet，intheholdway，to—morrow。\"
Arterthat，heslidintothelineagainaseasyasifhehadbeeniledallover。Buttheorganwaskepfromhim，andnoallusionswasevermade，whenacompanywasin，tohisproperty。Hegotwisereveryday;hisviewsofSocietyandthePublicwasluminous，bewilderin，awful;andhisEdgotbiggerandbiggerashisWisdomexpandedit。
Hetookwell，andpulled’eminmostexcellentfornineweeks。Attheexpirationofthatperiod，whenhisEdwasasight，heexpressedoneevenin，thelastCompanyhavinbeenturnedout，andthedoorshut，awishtohavealittlemusic。
\"Mr。Chops，\"Isaid（Ineverdroppedthe\"Mr。\"withhim;theworldmightdoit，butnotme）;\"Mr。Chops，areyousureasyouareinastateofmindandbodytositupontheorgan？\"
Hisanswerwasthis:\"Toby，whennextmetwithonthetramp，I
forgiveherandtheIndian。AndIam。\"
ItwaswithfearandtremblingthatIbegantoturnthehandle;buthesatlikealamb。Iwillbemybelieftomydyingday，thatIseehisEdexpandashesat;youmaythereforejudgehowgreathisthoughtswas。Hesatoutallthechanges，andthenhecomeoff。
\"Toby，\"hesays，withaquietsmile，\"thelittlemanwillnowwalkthreetimesroundtheCairawan，andretirebehindthecurtain。\"
Whenwecalledhiminthemorning，wefoundhimgoneintoamuchbetterSocietythanmineorPallMall’s。IgivMr。Chopsascomfortableafuneralaslayinmypower，followedmyselfasChief，andhadtheGeorgetheFourthcanvasscarriedfirst，intheformofabanner。But，theHousewassodismalarterwards，thatIgivitup，andtooktotheWanagain。
\"Idon’ttriumph，\"saidJarber，foldingupthesecondmanuscript，andlookinghardatTrottle。\"Idon’ttriumphoverthisworthycreature。Imerelyaskhimifheissatisfiednow？\"
\"Howcanhebeanythingelse？\"Isaid，answeringforTrottle，whosatobstinatelysilent。\"Thistime，Jarber，youhavenotonlyreadusadelightfullyamusingstory，butyouhavealsoansweredthequestionabouttheHouse。Ofcourseitstandsemptynow。Whowouldthinkoftakingitafterithadbeenturnedintoacaravan？\"I
lookedatTrottle，asIsaidthoselastwords，andJarberwavedhishandindulgentlyinthesamedirection。
\"Letthisexcellentpersonspeak，\"saidJarber。\"Youwereabouttosay，mygoodman？\"—
\"Ionlywishedtoask，sir，\"saidTrottledoggedly，\"ifyoucouldkindlyobligemewithadateortwoinconnectionwiththatlaststory？\"
\"Adate！\"repeatedJarber。\"Whatdoesthemanwantwithdates！\"
\"Ishouldbegladtoknow，withgreatrespect，\"persistedTrottle，\"ifthepersonnamedMagsmanwasthelasttenantwholivedintheHouse。It’smyopinion——ifImaybeexcusedforgivingit——thathemostdecidedlywasnot。\"
Withthosewords，Trottlemadealowbow，andquietlylefttheroom。
ThereisnodenyingthatJarber，whenwewerelefttogether，lookedsadlydiscomposed。Hehadevidentlyforgottentoinquireaboutdates;and，inspiteofhismagnificenttalkabouthisseriesofdiscoveries，itwasquiteasplainthatthetwostorieshehadjustread，hadreallyandtrulyexhaustedhispresentstock。Ithoughtmyselfbound，incommongratitude，tohelphimoutofhisembarrassmentbyatimelysuggestion。SoIproposedthatheshouldcometoteaagain，onthenextMondayevening，thethirteenth，andshouldmakesuchinquiriesinthemeantime，asmightenablehimtodisposetriumphantlyofTrottle’sobjection。
Hegallantlykissedmyhand，madeaneatlittlespeechofacknowledgment，andtookhisleave。FortherestoftheweekI
wouldnotencourageTrottlebyallowinghimtorefertotheHouseatall。Isuspectedhewasmakinghisowninquiriesaboutdates，butI
putnoquestionstohim。
OnMondayevening，thethirteenth，thatdearunfortunateJarbercame，punctualtotheappointedtime。Helookedsoterriblyharassed，thathewasreallyquiteaspectacleoffeeblenessandfatigue。Isaw，ataglance，thatthequestionofdateshadgoneagainsthim，thatMr。MagsmanhadnotbeenthelasttenantoftheHouse，andthatthereasonofitsemptinesswasstilltoseek。
\"WhatIhavegonethrough，\"saidJarber，\"wordsarenoteloquentenoughtotell。OSophonisba，Ihavebegunanotherseriesofdiscoveries！Acceptthelasttwoasstorieslaidonyourshrine;
andwaittoblamemeforleavingyourcuriosityunappeased，untilyouhaveheardNumberThree。\"
NumberThreelookedlikeaveryshortmanuscript，andIsaidasmuch。Jarberexplainedtomethatweweretohavesomepoetrythistime。InthecourseofhisinvestigationshehadsteppedintotheCirculatingLibrary，toseekforinformationontheoneimportantsubject。AlltheLibrary—peopleknewabouttheHousewas，thatafemalerelativeofthelasttenant，astheybelieved，had，justafterthattenantleft，sentalittlemanuscriptpoemtothemwhichshedescribedasreferringtoeventsthathadactuallypassedintheHouse;andwhichshewantedtheproprietoroftheLibrarytopublish。Shehadwrittennoaddressonherletter;andtheproprietorhadkeptthemanuscriptreadytobegivenbacktoher（thepublishingofpoemsnotbeinginhisline）whenshemightcallforit。Shehadnevercalledforit;andthepoemhadbeenlenttoJarber，athisexpressrequest，toreadtome。
Beforehebegan，IrangthebellforTrottle;beingdeterminedtohavehimpresentatthenewreading，asawholesomecheckonhisobstinacy。TomysurprisePeggyansweredthebell，andtoldme，thatTrottlehadsteppedoutwithoutsayingwhere。Iinstantlyfeltthestrongestpossibleconvictionthathewasathisoldtricks:
andthathissteppingoutintheevening，withoutleave，meant——
Philandering。
Controllingmyselfonmyvisitor’saccount，IdismissedPeggy，stifledmyindignation，andprepared，aspolitelyasmightbe，tolistentoJarber。