Ihaveneverbeenthroughcollege,butIhadarelativewhowasfamousasateacherofrhetoricinoneofouruniversities,andespeciallyfortakingthenonsenseoutofsophomoricalyoungfellowswhocouldnotsayanythingwithoutriggingitupinshowyandsoundingphrases。IthinkIlearnedfromhimtoexpressmyselfingoodold—fashionedEnglish,andwithoutmakingasmuchfussaboutitasourFourthofJulyoratorsandpoliticalharanguerswereinthehabitofmaking。
Ireadagoodmanystoriesduringmyboyhood,oneofwhichleftalastingimpressionuponme,andwhichIhavealwayscommendedtoyoungpeople。Itistoolate,generally,totrytoteacholdpeople,yetonemayprofitbyitatanyperiodoflifebeforethesighthasbecometoodimtobeofanyuse。ThestoryIrefertoisin\"EveningsatHome,\"andiscalled\"EyesandNoEyes。\"Ioughttohaveitbyme,butitisconstantlyhappeningthatthebestoldthingsgetoverlaidbythenewesttrash;andthoughIhaveneverseenanythingofthekindhalfsogood,mytableandshelvesarecrackingwiththeweightofinvoluntaryaccessionstomylibrary。
ThisisthestoryasIrememberit:Twochildrenwalkout,andarequestionedwhentheycomehome。Onehasfoundnothingtoobserve,nothingtoadmire,nothingtodescribe,nothingtoaskquestionsabout。Theotherhasfoundeverywhereobjectsofcuriosityandinterest。Iadviseyou,ifyouareachildanywhereunderforty—
five,anddonotyetwearglasses,tosendatoncefor\"EveningsatHome\"andreadthatstory。Formyself,Iamalwaysgratefultothewriterofitforcallingmyattentiontocommonthings。HowmanypeoplehavebeenwakedtoaquickerconsciousnessoflifebyWordsworth\'ssimplelinesaboutthedaffodils,andwhathesaysofthethoughtssuggestedtohimby\"themeanestflowerthatblows\"！
Iwasdrivingwithafriend,theotherday,throughasomewhatdrearystretchofcountry,wherethereseemedtobeverylittletoattractnoticeordeserveremark。Still,theoldspiritinfusedby\"EyesandNoEyes\"wasuponme,andIlookedforsomethingtofastenmythoughtupon,andtreatasanartisttreatsastudyforapicture。Thefirstobjecttowhichmyeyesweredrawnwasanold—fashionedwell—sweep。
Itdidnottakemuchimaginativesensibilitytobestirredbythesightofthismostuseful,mostancient,mostpicturesque,ofdomesticconveniences。IknowsomethingoftheshadoofofEgypt,——
thesamearrangementbywhichthesacredwatersoftheNilehavebeenlifted,fromthedaysofthePharaohstothoseoftheKhedives。ThatlongforefingerpointingtoheavenwasasymbolwhichspoketothePuritanexileasitspokeofoldtotheenslavedIsraelite。Wasthereeveranysuchwaterasthatwhichweusedtodrawfromthedeep,coldwell,in\"theoldoakenbucket\"？Whatmemoriesgatheraboutthewellinallages！Whatlove—matcheshavebeenmadeatitsmargin,fromthetimesofJacoband,Racheldownward！Whatfairylegendshoveroverit,whatfearfulmysterieshasithidden！Thebeautifulwell—sweep！Itistoorarelythatweseeit,andasitdiesoutandgivesplacetotheodiouslyconvenientpump,withthelastpatentonitscast—ironuninterestingness,doesitnotseemasifthefarmyardaspecthadlosthalfitsattraction？Solongasthedairyfarmexists,doubtlesstheremustbeeveryfacilityforgettingwaterinabundance;butthelossofthewell—sweepcannotbemadeuptousevenifourmilkweredilutedtotwiceitspresentattenuation。
Thewell—sweephadserveditsturn,andmycompanionandIrelapsedintosilence。Afterawhilewepassedanotherfarmyard,withnothingwhichseemeddeservingofremarkexceptthewreckofanoldwagon。
\"Look,\"Isaid,\"ifyouwanttoseeoneofthegreatestofallthetriumphsofhumaningenuity,oneofthemostbeautiful,asitisoneofthemostuseful,ofallthemechanismswhichtheintelligenceofsuccessiveageshascalledintobeing。\"
\"Iseenothing,\"mycompanionanswered,\"butanoldbroken—downwagon。Whytheyleavesuchapieceoflumberingtrashabouttheirplace,wherepeoplecanseeitastheypass,ismorethanIcanaccountfor。\"
\"Andyet,\"saidI,\"thereisoneofthemostextraordinaryproductsofhumangeniusandskill,——anobjectwhichcombinestheusefulandthebeautifultoanextentwhichhardlyanysimpleformofmechanismcanpretendtorival。Doyounoticehow,whileeverythingelsehasgonetosmash,thatwheelremainssoundandfitforservice？Lookatitmerelyforitsbeauty。
Seetheperfectcircles,theouterandtheinner。Acircleisinitselfaconsummatewonderofgeometricalsymmetry。Itisthelineinwhichtheomnipotentenergydelightstomove。Thereisnofaultinittobeamended。Thefirstdrawncircleandthelastbothembodythesamecompletefulfillmentofaperfectdesign。Thenlookattherayswhichpassfromtheinnertotheoutercircle。Howbeautifullytheybringthegreaterandlessercirclesintoconnectionwitheachother！Theflowersknowthatsecret,——themargueriteinthemeadowdisplaysitasclearlyasthegreatsuninheaven。Howbeautifulisthisflowerofwoodandiron,whichwewerereadytopassbywithoutwastingalookuponit！Butitsbeautyisonlythebeginningofitswonderfulclaimuponusforouradmiration。Lookatthatfieldoffloweringgrass,thetriticumvulgare,——seehowitswavesfollowthebreezeinsatinyalternationsoflightandshadow。Youadmireitforitslovelyaspect;butwhenyourememberthatthisfloweringgrassiswheat,thefinestfoodofthehighesthumanraces,itgainsadignity,aglory,thatitsbeautyalonecouldnotgiveit。
\"Nowlookatthatexquisitestructurelyingneglectedanddisgraced,butessentiallyunchangedinitsperfection,beforeyou。Thatslightanddelicate—lookingfabrichasstoodsuchatrialashardlyanyslendercontrivance,exceptingalwaysthevalvesoftheheart,waseversubjectedto。Ithasrattledforyearsoverthecobble—stonesofaroughcitypavement。Ithasclimbedoveralltheaccidentalobstructionsitmetinthehighway,anddroppedintoalltheholesanddeeprutsthatmadetheheavyfarmersittingoveritusehisSundayvocabularyinaweek—dayformofspeech。Atonetimeoranother,almosteverypartofthatoldwagonhasgivenway。Ithashadtwonewpairsofshafts。Twicetheaxlehasbrokenoffclosetothehub,ornave。TheseatbrokewhenZekleandHuldywerehavingwhattheycalled\'aride\'together。Thefrontwaskickedinbyaviciousmare。Thespringsgavewayandthefloorbumpedontheaxle。
Everyportionofthewagonbecameapreyofitsspecialaccident,exceptthatmostfragilelookingofallitsparts,thewheel。Whocanhelpadmiringtheexactdistributionofthepowerofresistanceattheleastpossibleexpenditureofmaterialwhichismanifestedinthiswondroustriumphofhumangeniusandskill？Thespokesareplantedinthesolidhubasstronglyasthejaw—teethofalionintheirdeep—sunkensockets。Eachspokehasitsownterritoryinthecircumference,forwhichitisresponsible。Accordingtotheloadthevehicleisexpectedtocarry,theyarefewormany,stoutorslender,buttheysharetheirjointlaborwithabsolutejustice,——notonedoesmore,notonedoesless,thanitsjustproportion。Theouterendofthespokesisreceivedintothedeepmortiseofthewoodenfellies,andthestructureappearstobecomplete。Buthowlongwouldittaketoturnthatcircleintoapolygon,unlesssomemightycounteractingforceshouldpreventit？Seetheirontirebroughthotfromthefurnaceandlaidaroundthesmokingcircumference。Onceinplace,theworkmancoolsthehotiron;andasitshrinkswithaforcethatseemslikeahand—graspoftheOmnipotent,itclaspsthefittedfragmentsofthestructure,andcompressesthemintoasingleinseparablewhole。
\"Wasitnotworthourwhiletostopamomentbeforepassingthatoldbrokenwagon,andseewhetherwecouldnotfindasmuchinitasSwiftfoundinhis\'MeditationsonaBroomstick\'？Ihavebeenlaughedatformakingsomuchofsuchacommonthingasawheel。
Idiots！Solomon\'scourtfoolwouldhavescoffedatthethoughtoftheyoungGalileanwhodaredcomparetheliliesofthefieldtohisaugustmaster。NiladmirariisverywellforaNorthAmericanIndianandhisdegeneratesuccessor,whohasgrowntoograndtoadmireanythingbuthimself,andtakesacynicalprideinhisstolidindifferencetoeverythingworthreverencingorhonoring。\"
Aftercallingmycompanion\'sattentiontothewheel,anddiscoursinguponituntilIthoughthewasgettingsleepy,wejoggedalonguntilwecametoarunningstream。Itwascrossedbyastonebridgeofasinglearch。ThereareveryfewstonearchesoverthestreamsinNewEnglandcountrytowns,andIalwaysdelightedinthisone。Itwasbuiltinthelastcentury,amidstthedoubtingpredictionsofstaringrustics,andstandsto—dayasstrongasever,andseeminglygoodforcenturiestocome。
\"Seethere！\"saidI,——\"thereisanotherofmy\'EyesandNoEyes\'
subjectstomeditateupon。Nexttothewheel,thearchisthenoblestofthoseelementarymechanicalcomposites,correspondingtotheproximateprinciplesofchemistry。Thebeautyofthearchconsistsfirstinitscurve,commonlyapartofthecircle,oftheperfectionofwhichIhavespoken。Butthemindderivesanotherdistinctpleasurefromtheadmirablemannerinwhichtheseveralparts,eachdifferentfromalltheothers,contributetoasingleharmoniouseffect。Itisatypicalexampleofthepiuneluno。Anarchcutoutorasinglestonewouldnotbesobeautifulasoneofwhicheachindividualstonewasshapedforitsexactposition。Itscompletionbythelockingofthekeystoneisadelighttowitnessandtocontemplate。Andhowthearchendures,whenitslateralthrustismetbysolidmassesofresistance！InoneofthegreattemplesofBaalbecakeystonehasslipped,buthowrareisthatoccurrence！Onewillhardlyfindanothersuchexampleamongalltheruinsofantiquity。Yes,Inevergettiredofarches。Theyarenoblewhenshapedofsolidmarbleblocks,eachcarefullybeveledforitsposition。TheyarebeautifulwhenconstructedwiththelargethintilestheRomansweresofondofusing。Inoticedsomearchesbuiltinthiswayinthewallofoneofthegrandhousesjustgoinguponthebankoftheriver。Theywereoverthecapstonesofthewindows,—
—totakeoffthepressurefromthem,nodoubt,fornowandthenacapstonewillcrackundertheweightofthesuperincumbentmass。Howclosetheyfit,andhowstrikingtheeffectoftheirlongradiations！\"
Thecompanylistenedverywelluptothispoint。Whenhebeganthestrainofthoughtswhichfollows,acuriouslookwentroundTheTeacups。
Whatastrangeundergroundlifeisthatwhichisledbytheorganismswecalltrees！Thesegreatflutteringmassesofleaves,stems,boughs,trunks,arenottherealtrees。Theyliveunderground,andwhatweseearenothingmorenorlessthantheirtails。
TheMistressdroppedherteaspoon。NumberFivelookedattheDoctor,whosefacewasverystillandsober。ThetwoAnnexesgiggled,orcameverynearit。
Yes,atreeisanundergroundcreature,withitstailintheair。
Allitsintelligenceisinitsroots。Allthesensesithasareinitsroots。Thinkwhatsagacityitshowsinitssearchafterfoodanddrink！Somehoworother,therootlets,whichareitstentacles,findoutthatthereisabrookatamoderatedistancefromthetrunkofthetree,andtheymakeforitwithalltheirmight。Theyfindeverycrackintherockswherethereareafewgrainsofthenourishingsubstancetheycarefor,andinsinuatethemselvesintoitsdeepestrecesses。Whenspringandsummercome,theylettheirtailsgrow,anddelightinwhiskingthemaboutinthewind,orlettingthembewhiskedaboutbyit;forthesetailsarepoorpassivethings,withverylittlewilloftheirown,andbendinwhateverdirectionthewindchoosestomakethem。Theleavesmakeadealofnoisewhispering。IhavesometimesthoughtIcouldunderstandthem,astheytalkwitheachother,andthattheyseemedtothinktheymadethewindastheywaggedforwardandback。RememberwhatIsay。Thenexttimeyouseeatreewavinginthewind,recollectthatitisthetailofagreatunderground,many—armed,polypus—likecreature,whichisasproudofitscaudalappendage,especiallyinsummer—time,asapeacockofhisgorgeousexpanseofplumage。
Doyouthinkthereisanythingsoveryoddaboutthisidea？Oncegetitwellintoyourheads,andyouwillfinditrendersthelandscapewonderfullyinteresting。Thereareasmanykindsoftree—tailsasthereareoftailstodogsandotherquadrupeds。StudythemasDaddyGilpinstudiedtheminhis\"ForestScenery,\"butdon\'tforgetthattheyareonlytheappendageoftheundergroundvegetablepolypus,thetrueorganismtowhichtheybelong。
Hepausedatthispoint,andwealldrewlongbreaths,wonderingwhatwascomingnext。Therewasnodenyingit,the\"crackedTeacup\"wasclinkingalittlefalse,——soitseemedtothecompany。Yet,afterall,thefancywasnotdelirious,——themindcouldfollowitwellenough;lethimgoon。
Whatdoyousaytothis？YouhaveheardallsortsofthingssaidinproseandverseaboutNiagara。AskouryoungDoctortherewhatitremindshimof。Isn\'titagiantputtinghistongueout？Howcanyoufailtoseetheresemblance？Thecontinentisagreatgiant,andthenorthernhalfholdstheheadandshoulders。Youcancountthepulseofthegiantwhereverthetiderunsupacreek;butifyouwanttolookatthegiant\'stongue,youmustgotoNiagara。Ifthereweresuchathingasacosmicphysician,Ibelievehecouldtellthestateofthecountry\'shealth,andtheprospectsofthemortalityforthecomingseason,bycarefulinspectionofthegreattongue,whichNiagaraisputtingoutforhim,andhasbeenshowingtomankindeversincethefirstflint—shaperschippedtheirarrow—heads。Youdon\'tthinktheideaaddstothesublimityandassociationsofthecataract？Iamsorryforthat,butIcan\'thelpthesuggestion。ItisjustasmanifestlyatongueputoutforinspectionasifithadNature\'sownlabeltothateffecthungoverit。Idon\'tknowwhetheryoucanseethesethingsasclearlyasIdo。Therearesomepeoplethatneverseeanything,ifitisasplainasaholeinagrindstone,untilitispointedouttothem;andsomethatcan\'tseeitthen,andwon\'tbelievethereisanyholetillthey\'vepokedtheirfingerthroughit。I\'vegotagreatmanythingstothankGodfor,butperhapsmostofallthatIcanfindsomethingtoadmire,towonderat,tosetmyfancygoing,andtowindupmyenthusiasmprettymucheverywhere。
Lookhere！Therearecrowdsofpeoplewhirledthroughourstreetsonthesenew—fashionedcars,withtheirwitch—broomsticksoverhead,——iftheydon\'tcomefromSalem,theyoughtto,——andnotmorethanoneinadozenofthesefish—eyedbipedsthinksorcaresanickel\'sworthaboutthemiraclewhichiswroughtfortheirconvenience。Theyknowthatwithouthandsorfeet,withouthorses,withoutsteam,sofarastheycansee,theyaretransportedfromplacetoplace,andthatthereisnothingtoaccountforitexceptthewitch—broomstickandtheironorcoppercobwebwhichtheyseestretchedabovethem。Whatdotheyknoworcareaboutthislastrevelationoftheomnipresentspiritofthematerialuniverse？Weoughttogodownonourkneeswhenoneofthesemightycaravans,caraftercar,spinsbyus,underthemysticimpulsewhichseemstoknownotwhetheritstrainisloadedorempty。Weareusedtoforceinthemusclesofhorses,intheexpansivepotencyofsteam,butherewehaveforcestrippedstarknaked,——nothingbutafilamenttocoveritsnudity,——andyetshowingitsmightineffortsthatwouldtasktheworking—beamofaponderoussteam—engine。IamthankfulthatinanageofcynicismIhavenotlostmyreverence。Perhapsyouwouldwondertoseehowsomeverycommonsightsimpressme。IalwaystakeoffmyhatifIstoptospeaktoastone—cutterathiswork。\"Why？\"doyouaskme？BecauseIknowthathisistheonlylaborthatislikelytoendure。AscoreofcenturieshasnoteffacedthemarksoftheGreek\'sortheRoman\'schiselonhisblockofmarble。Andnow,beforethisnewmanifestationofthatformofcosmicvitalitywhichwecallelectricity,IfeelliketakingthepostureofthepeasantslisteningtotheAngelus。Hownearthemysticeffluenceofmechanicalenergybringsustothedivinesourceofallpowerandmotion！Intheoldmythology,therighthandofJoveheldandsentforththelightning。
So,intherecordoftheHebrewprophets,didtherighthandofJehovahcastforthanddirectit。WasNahumthinkingofourfar—offtimewhenhewrote,\"Thechariotsshallrageinthestreets,theyshalljustleoneagainstanotherinthebroadways:theyshallseemliketorches,theyshallrunlikethelightnings\"？
NumberSevenhadfinishedreadinghispaper。Twobrightspotsinhischeeksshowedthathehadfeltagooddealinwritingit,andtheflushreturnedashelistenedtohisownthoughts。Pooroldfellow！
The\"crackedTeacup\"ofouryoungerwits,——notyetcometotheirfullhumansensibilities,——the\"crank\"ofvulgartongues,theeccentric,theseventhsonofaseventhson,toooftenmadethebuttofthoughtlesspleasantry,was,afterall,afellow—creature,withfleshandbloodliketherestofus。Thewildfreaksofhisfancydidnothurtus,nordidtheypreventhimfromseeingmanythingsjustly,andperhapssometimesmorevividlyandacutelythanifhewereassoundasthedullestofus。
Theteaspoonstinkledloudlyallroundthetable,ashefinishedreading。TheMistresscaughtherbreath。Iwasafraidshewasgoingtosob,butshetookitoutinvigorousstirringofhertea。WillyoubelievethatIsawNumberFive,withasweet,approvingsmileonherfaceallthetime,brushhercheekwithherhand—kerchief？Theremusthavebeenatearstealingfrombeneathitseyelid。IhopeNumberSevensawit。Heisoneofthetwomenatourtablewhomostneedthetenderlooksandtonesofawoman。TheProfessorandIarehorsdecombat;theCounsellorisbusywithhiscasesandhisambitions;theDoctorisprobablyinlovewithamicroscope,andflirtingwithpathologicalspecimens;butNumberSevenandtheTutorare,Ifear,bothsufferingfromthatworstofallfamines,heart—
hunger。
DoyourememberthatNumberSevensaidheneverwrotealineof\"poetry\"inhislife,exceptoncewhenhewassufferingfromtemporaryweaknessofbodyandmind？Thatisbecauseheisapoet。
Ifhehadnotbeenone,hewouldverycertainlyhavetakentotinklingrhymes。Whatshouldyouthinkoftheprobablemusicalgeniusofayoungmanwhowasparticularlyfondofjinglingasetofsleigh—bells？ShouldyouexpecthimtoturnoutaMozartoraBeethoven？Now,IthinkIrecognizethepoeticalinstinctinNumberSeven,howeverimperfectmaybeitsexpression,andhoweverhemayberunawaywithattimesbyfantasticnotionsthatcomeintohishead。
Iffatehadallottedhimahelpfulcompanionintheshapeofalovingandintelligentwife,hemighthavebeenhalfcuredofhiseccentricities,andweshouldnothavehadtosay,inspeakingofhim,\"Poorfellow！\"Butsincethiscannotbe,Iampleasedthatheshouldhavebeensokindlytreatedontheoccasionofthereadingofhispaper。IfhesawNumberFive\'stear,hewillcertainlyfallinlovewithher。NomatterifhedoesNumberFiveisakindofCircewhodoesnotturnthevictimsofherenchantmentintoswine,butintolambs。IwanttoseeNumberSevenoneofherlittleflock。Isay\"little。\"Isuspectitislargerthanmostofusknow。Anyhow,shecansparehimsympathyandkindnessandencouragementenoughtokeephimcontentedwithhimselfandwithher,andnevermissthepulsesofherlovinglifeshelendshim。Itseemstobetheerrandofsomewomentogivemanypeopleasmuchhappinessastheyhaveanyrighttointhisworld。Iftheyconcentratedtheiraffectiononone,theywouldgivehimmorethananymortalcouldclaimashisshare。IsawNumberFivewateringherflowers,theotherday。Thewatering—pothadoneofthoseperforatedheads,throughwhichthewaterrunsinmanysmallstreams。Everyplantgotitsshare:theproudestlilybentbeneaththegentleshower;thelowliestdaisyhelditslittlefaceupforbaptism。Allwererefreshed,nonewasflooded。
Presentlyshetooktheperforatedhead,or\"rose,\"fromtheneckofthewatering—pot,andthefullstreampouredoutinaround,solidcolumn。Itwasalmosttoomuchforthepoorgeraniumonwhichitfell,anditlookedatoneminuteasiftherootswouldbelaidbare,andperhapsthewholeplantbewashedoutofthesoilinwhichitwasplanted。WhatifNumberFiveshouldtakeoffthe\"rose\"thatsprinklesheraffectionsonsomany,andpourthemallonone？Canthateverbe？Ifitcan,lifeisworthlivingforhimonwhomherlovemaybelavished。
Oneofmyneighbors,athoroughAmerican,ismuchconcernedaboutthegrowthofwhathecallsthe\"hard—handedaristocracy。\"Hetellsthefollowingstory:——
\"Iwasputtingupafenceaboutmyyard,andemployedamanofwhomI
knewsomething,——thathewasindustrious,temperate,andthathehadawifeandchildrentosupport,——aworthyman,anativeNewEnglander。Iengagedhim,Isay,todigsomepost—holes。Myemployeeboughtanewspadeandscooponpurpose,andcametomyplaceattheappointedtime,andbegandigging。Whilehewasatwork,twomencameoverfromadrinking—saloon,towhichmyresidenceisnearerthanIcoulddesire。OneofthemIhadknownasMikeFagan,theotherasHansSchleimer。TheylookedatHiram,myNewHampshireman,inacontemptuousandthreateningwayforaminuteorso,whenFaganaddressedhim:
\"\'Andhowmuchdoesthemanpayyezbythehour？\'
Thegentlemandoesn\'tpaymebythehour,\'saidHiram。
\"\'Howmoshdoeshebayyoubyderveeks？\'saidHans。
\"\'Idon\'knowasthat\'sanyofyourbusiness,\'answeredHiram。
\"\'Faith,we\'llmakeitourbusiness,\'saidMikeFagan。\'We\'reKnoightsofLabor,we\'dhaveyeztoknow,andyecan\'tmakeyerbargainsfistasyeloikes。Wemanestoknowhowmonyhoursyeworrks,andhowmuchyegetsforit。\'
\"\'KnightsofLabor！\'saidI。\'Why,thatisakindoftitleofnobility,isn\'tit？Ithoughtthelawsofourcountrydidn\'tallowtitlesofthatkind。Butifyouhavearighttobecalledknights,I
supposeIoughttoaddressyouassuch。SirMichael,Icongratulateyouonthedignityyouhaveattained。IhopeLadyFaganisgettingonwellwithmyshirts。SirHans,Ipaymyrespectstoyourtitle。
ItrustthatLadySchleixnerhasgotthroughthatlittledifficultybetweenherladyshipandyourselfinwhichthepolicecourtthoughtitnecessarytointervene。\'
\"Thetwomenlookedatme。Iweighaboutahundredandeightypounds,andamwellputtogether。Hiramwasnotedinhisvillageasa\'rahstler。\'Butmyfaceisratherpallidandpeaked,andHiramhadsomethingofthegreenhornlook。Thetwomen,whohadbeendrinking,hardlyknewwhatgroundtotake。Theyratherlikedthesoundof,SirMichaeland,SirHans。Theydidnotknowverywellwhattomakeoftheirwivesas\'ladies。\'Theylookeddoubtfulwhethertotakewhathadbeensaidasacasusbelliornot,buttheywantedapretextofsomekindorother。Presentlyoneofthemsawalabelonthescoop,orlonghandled,spoon—likeshovel,withwhichHiramhadbeenworking。
\"\'Arrah,bejabers！\'exclaimedMikeFagan,\'buthasn\'thebeena—tradin\'widBrown,thehardwarefellah,thatweboycotted！Grabit,Hans,andwe\'llcarryitoffandshowittothebrotherhood。\'
Themenmadeamovetowardtheimplement。
\"\'Youletthatarescoop—shovelalone,\'saidHiram。
\"Isteppedtohisside。TheKnightswerecombative,astheirnoblepredecessorswiththesametitlealwayswere,anditwasnecessarytocometoavoiedefait。MystraightblowfromtheshoulderdidforSirMichael。HiramtreatedSirHanstowhatistechnicallyknownasacross—buttock。
\"\'Naow,Dutchman,\'saidHiram,\'ifyoudon\'twanttobeplantedinthatarepost—hole,y\'dbettertakey\'rselfouto\'thisherepieceofprivateproperty。\"Dangerouspassin\',\"asthesign—postssay,abaoutthesetimes。\'
\"SirMichaelwentdownhalfstunnedbymyexpressivegesture;SirHansdidnotknowwhetherhishipwasoutofjointorhehadgotabadsprain;buttheywerebothoutofconditionforfurtherhostilities。Perhapsitwashardlyfairtotakeadvantageoftheirmisfortunestoinflictadiscourseuponthem,buttheyhadbroughtitonthemselves,andweeachofusgavethemapieceofourmind。
\"\'Itellyouwhatitis,\'saidHiram,\'I\'mafreeandindependentAmericancitizen,andIan\'ta—gon\'tohevnomantyrannizeoverme,ifhedooscallhimselfbyoneo\'themnoblemen\'stitles。EfIcan\'tworkjes\'asIchoose,furfolksthatwantsmetoworkfur\'emandthatIwanttoworkfur,Imightjes\'aswellgotoSiberyanddonewithit。Mygran\'f\'therfitinBunkerHillbattle。Iguessifourfolksinthemdaysdidn\'tcarenogreatabaoutLordPercyandSirWilliamHaowe,wean\'ta—gon\'tobescartbySirMichaelFaganandSirHansWhat\'s—his—name,nornootherfellahsthatundertakestobenoblemen,andtellsuscommonfolkswhatweshalldewan\'whatwesha\'n\'t。No,sir！\'
\"ItooktheopportunitytoexplaintoSirMichaelandSirHanswhatitwasourfathersfoughtfor,andwhatisthemeaningofliberty。
Ifthesenoblemendidnotlikethecountry,theycouldgoelsewhere。
Iftheydidn\'tlikethelaws,theyhadtheballot—box,andcouldchoosenewlegislators。Butaslongasthelawsexistedtheymustobeythem。Icouldnotadmitthat,becausetheycalledthemselvesbythetitlestheOldWorldnobilitythoughtsomuchof,theyhadarighttointerfereintheagreementsIenteredintowithmyneighbor。
ItoldSirMichaelthatifhewouldgohomeandhelpLadyFagantosawandsplitthewoodforherfire,hewouldbebetteremployedthaninmeddlingwithmydomesticarrangements。IadvisedSirHanstoaskLadySchleimerforherbottleofspiritstouseasanembrocationforhislamehip。Andsomytwovisitorswiththearistocratictitlesstaggeredoff,andleftusplain,untitledcitizens,Hiramandmyself,tosetourposts,andconsiderthequestionwhetherwelivedinafreecountryorundertheauthorityofaself—constitutedorderofquasi—nobility。\"
Itisaverycuriousfactthat,withallourboasted\"freeandequal\"
superiorityoverthecommunitiesoftheOldWorld,ourpeoplehavethemostenormousappetiteforOldWorldtitlesofdistinction。SirMichaelandSirHansbelongtooneofthemostextendedofthearistocraticorders。Butwehavealso\"KnightsandLadiesofHonor,\"
and,whatisstillgrander,\"RoyalConclaveofKnightsandLadies,\"
\"RoyalArcanum,\"and\"RoyalSocietyofGoodFellows,\"\"SupremeCouncil,\"\"ImperialCourt,\"\"GrandProtector,\"and\"GrandDictator,\"andsoon。Nothinglessthan\"Grand\"and11Supreme\"isgoodenoughforthedignitariesofourassociationsofcitizens。
Wheredoesallthisambitionfornameswithoutrealitiescomefrom？
BecauseaKnightoftheGarterwearsagoldenstar,whydoestheworthycordwainer,whomendstheshoesofhisfellow—citizens,wanttowearatinstar,andtakeanamethathadameaningasusedbytherepresentativesofancientfamilies,orthemenwhohadmadethemselvesillustriousbytheirachievements？
ItappearstobeapeculiarlyAmericanweakness。TheFrenchrepublicansoftheearlierperiodthoughtthetermcitizenwasgoodenoughforanybody。Atalaterperiod,\"RoiCitoyen\"——thecitizenkingwasacommontitlegiventoLouisPhilippe。ButnothingistoograndfortheAmerican,inthewayoftitles。Theproudestofthemallsignifyabsolutelynothing。Theydonotstandforability,forpublicservice,forsocialimportance,forlargepossessions;but,onthecontrary,areoftenestfoundinconnectionwithpersonalitiestowhichtheyaresupremelyinapplicable。Wecanhardlyaffordtoquarrelwithanationalhabitwhich,iflightlyhandled,mayinvolveusinseriousdomesticdifficulties。The\"RightWorshipful\"
functionarywhoseequipagestopsatmybackgate,andwhoseservicesareindispensabletothehealthandcomfortofmyhousehold,isadignitarywhomImustnotoffend。Imustspeakwithproperdeferencetotheladywhoisscrubbingmyfloors,whenIrememberthatherhusband,whosawsmywood,carriesastringofhigh—soundingtitleswhichwouldsatisfyaSpanishnobleman。
Afterall,everypeoplemusthaveitsownformsofostentation,pretence,andvulgarity。TheancientRomanshadtheirs,theEnglishandtheFrenchhavetheirsaswell,——whyshouldnotweAmericanshaveours？Educatedandrefinedpersonsmustrecognizefrequentinternalconflictsbetweenthe\"Homosum\"ofTerenceandthe\"Odiprofanumvulgus\"ofHorace。ThenoblersentimentshouldbethatofeverytrueAmerican,anditisinthatdirectionthatourbestcivilizationisconstantlytending。
Wewerewaitedonbyanewgirl,theotherevening。Ourprettymaidenhadleftusforavisittosomerelative,——sotheMistresssaid。Idosincerelyhopeshewillsooncomeback,forweallliketoseeherflittingroundthetable。
Idon\'tknowwhattomakeofit。Ihaditalllaidoutinmymind。
Withsuchacompanytheremustbealove—story。Perhapstherewillbe,buttheremaybenewcombinationsoftheelementswhicharetomakeitup,andhereisabudamongthefull—blownflowerstowhichI
mustdevotealittlespace。